Lisa Kudrow Returns

Hi, my name is Lisa Kudrow.

No, what?

No, really good boo.

Yay.

That's terrible.

It's like you're in a hostage situation, it's one of your oldest friends, oldest and best friends.

It's funny to be mean.

Yeah, it is funny to be mean, I prefer it.

Yes.

PrOFESSOr MATT GoRLeY Hi, yes, would you guys ever get a tattoo ever?

Unless it was like a navy guy.

Well, what I'm saying is when you did see a tattoo, it was quite stunning.

Now it's the opposite.

I mean, now to see for someone not to have a tattoo would be kind of crazy. No, I don't have one. I don't know. If I ever told this story, I would have thought you'd be a candidate for having a tattoo, I know.

She was, she was crazy.

She When you go to Jerusalem, cause there's an Armenian quarter. One of the things that people do is they get a tattoo of the cross on their wrist. And Medzik, my great grandma, she went and did that, she got it, so she had a tattoo, which was crazy.

I thought I'd get a tattoo and try heroin right before I die. Wait, are you being serious?

Yeah, no, are you being serious? Why not? Well, you know what?

Well, because the reason being-.

But the tattoo is somewhat painful. And then you say, just, well, not if you're on heroin. Oh, that's true, but if you, but isn't the idea that, I mean, why would you do it?-?

There's never been anything I wanted on my body that I wanted there 10 years. Like I'd have a phantom Menace tattoo if I, you know what, you know what I'm saying like, if you get what you're into on a tattoo. Nothing stays with me that long, you know?

I think they're like, I have. Tak has a lot of friends who have tattoos, and it's cool. Like, they're just like, I just want a tattoo. And they just go and get a tattoo. And it looks, I like the way it looks. Eduardo Tattoo, four of them, four of them.

It's just a to-do list.

Yeah, literally it was things like eggs get eggs, dry cleaner, but no. And then you could see the other arm was more artistically figured out, but she was very relaxed about it. And to me, it's almost how people carry it, which is if they're super, if they're incredibly relaxed about it.

Real job?

You know what I would do if I got one on my face? I'd do glasses.

Oh yeah, makeup, makeup and tattoos and lip liner, exactly.

They're all on my arm, it's all lettering, Oh nice, different words, Conan blows.

You got to relax, it's fine.

You don't feel funny. Suddenly you were like, testifying in front of the Senate, I went, Clay, what about you?

It's a yes or no question.

I don't have any tattoos, but I think they're. I'm glad you lowered your voice, by the way. I think they're a little easy, I think they're a little easy. Oh what?

Okay.

You know, it's easy to get a tattoo. Oh, they're permanent, you know? I'm just saying, like, every day, you know, drawing the punisher skull or something on your chest.

That's a real-.

Someone did this regularly in school, that's a real thing.

I'm just saying, I think someone regularly did that in school.

I may or may not when I was younger, When I was younger, I may have done stuff on myself all the time. Did you draw the punisher on your chest? did you?

Oh, on your chest.

Yes or no, question, senator.

Where no one could see it, too.

I mean, not that no one saw your chest, but you know, he knew it was there. I knew it was there. Wow, you drew the punisher on your chest with magic marker, I'm just saying.

If you love something like I love the Punisher, you draw it on your body every day, show us your drawing today.

It's faded since you should get a tattoo, I don't even know what I would get. Just to get yourself out of your comfort zone. Because I feel like people are like, Conan wouldn't have a tattoo. You'd be like, look at this.

That would make a lot of sense.

You came in with a sleeve of your comedic icons. There'd be, like, Bob Newhart and the Three Stooges, that's a cool, certain stooges. If you could pick between image or words, you had to get one tattoo. I would do image, I think.

What do they mean? You have to explain it a lot.

You have to be able to read.

Forget it.

Yeah, what if I got words and you looked at it and it was like a frown is just a smile turned upside down, Conan.

But in real hardcore lettering.

Yeah, real hardcore goth lettering, you know, a smile is just a frown turned upside down. When life gives you lemons, make limonada, it's like in gothic lettering, and there's little blood dripping from it.

I don't know.

I'm not ruling tattoos out.

Yeah, I'm not either. I think it would be something I'd do when I was older, like figuring, you know, this is the last chapter of my life. I'll stick with this. Let's go for it.

When is the last chapter of our lives?

Next week, Jesus.

That book sucked.

It's a novella, I got news for you, short stories.

What a crappy book. This is the last chapter.

I know.

Certainly, this is just book one. Nope, that's it, Conan. And then he got a podcast. The end, all right.

That's just like an invitation, like, get in there, get in there. What are you waiting for?

Oh, what a wonderful way to get into this lovely interview. She deserves better, Lisa deserves so much better than this. My Guest Today starred as Phoebe for 10 seasons on Friends. Now you can see her in the new Apple TV Plus series Time Bandits.

Oh, thank you, yeah, for having me back.

Well, I mean, we like to hang out all the time outside of this world, so it's weird. I always thought, I always felt it was weird. When you would, all those years, you would come on the late night show. As you know, the huge TV star, it was just always so like. So I'm so excited she's here.

You don't know, okay, the first time I was on, you said, Listen, I don't like that thing. When people know each other, you know, on the show, and then you know, they're just talking like they know each other.

And then I put on a mustache when you came back, I know.

That was your first.

I'm going to use a term that I think is trending right now. It's my hang up, you know, isn't that? I don't know, but you wanted her to pretend she didn't know you.

You didn't want to be too inside.

I get, I get, so there's two things. If there are people I know in the audience, like family members, let's say it's Beacon Theater and there's 2,500 people. If I have one family member in the crowd, it bothers me.

Uh-huh.

And then if I have a really like, someone's important to me personally. But they come on in this and they just finished this movie, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, called Jib jab and the Honey Cuts, Yeah. Here she is, Lisa Kudrow.

But it was just the first time I was on, Yeah, that you said, Uh, no.

Ixnay on the You know me hair.

Ixnay on the yeah, on the friendship fray.

Yeah, yeah.

Friendship and I went, Oh, okay.

Yeah, oh my god.

Yeah.

And then I think I overdid it because you came out and I said, Is it Lisa Kudrow? and is it friends? You couldn't pronounce friends? And it had been on the air, it was the biggest thing ever.

Yeah, you went the other way.

I went the other way, so you just didn't eat it.

I was going to be looking up.

Yes, okay.

Wait, what did you say? She's just an idiot.

I'm an idiot.

No, but then, but then you warmed up to me.

I have a hard time it always, I always find it strange. Like, Okay, for example, today I get up and they send me these notes and it's like, Here's our research on Lisa Kudrow. And I'm like, I've known her forever.

Well, the researcher who watched the first episode is like, these two don't know each other.

Okay, I have one thing I have to bring up to the whole room, which is which is weird, um, but I, I'm very healthy guy. Knock wood. But I went to my doctor recently and he said, You know, the last couple of times I've checked your blood pressure, it's high. And so I said, Well, I'll just test it at home, which I did. But he said, No, that doesn't work.

All I could think to say was, Well, but then what is that yellow liquid?

I thought I was supposed to urinate into it.

And what is that smell?

It's not bad, No, it's not bad at all.

Ammonia, it smells.

Oh, thank you. oh, you're fixing me up. I'm like, Look at this, my collar's up, you're fixing it.

Will you mop his drool?

The reason I'm bringing it up is that at some random point during this interview. It's already happened like five times since I drove away from Cedar Sinai at some random point. You're going to hear.

But let's do an experiment, then.

Okay.

This is why I like medical things.

Okay, I'm looking at the audience.

I'm looking at you. So if you start hearing that, take a deep breath three times.

When it starts to happen.

Take a deep breath, hold it, you know, like a like, a minuscule little meditation thing.

Okay.

To bring your blood pressure down.

Here's the thing.

And we'll know exactly what time it is.

Okay.

I.

That's true, that's true. Wait. So to calm your your blood pressure down, but why would I artificially give myself a different blood pressure than the one I normally have?

Well, to see if it can come down, my friend, Oh.

Well, at least you admitted we are friends, that's what came out of it.

Can we make it go up in joke form?

You know what, in joke form, in a joke reality. You and I are friends. Listen to me, my friend.

But didn't that make your blood pressure go up?

$2,000.

I got enraged, What do you think of me? Yeah, I get that lecture, Oh my gosh.

No, not at all, no.

If I were you.

Yeah, exactly.

And someone's telling me, we need that back.

Well, stop it. That always makes me go the other way. I always go to try and get it back. Well, I will.

I mean, I would.

Yeah, of course you're very responsible.

But I would still get just a little enraged, hyper.

You're hyper responsible.

Don't you have to give it back to you in order to get the results back?

I don't know now, I don't want to give it back.

Why would you not give it back?

Because I want this.

You know what?

I'll tell you, I want this first of all, it's called the Oscar II, and I want it. I never got a real Oscar.

Well, that's why, by the way, I'm sure they went, Oh, he's famous, everybody knows who he is, he just like people give him stuff all the time.

You know what, it's my version of. I've always heard that when big stars, divas go on a photo shoot and they wear jewelry, they try and leave with the jewelry.

Try or do.

Or do, yeah.

No, what?

No, you don't do that. Yeah, it's called stealing, but I've heard about.

Well, you've also given Oscar II a big shout out, and that's more than $2,000 publicity.

There you go, Oscar II, Yeah.

They owe you another.

They owe me three of these, I want the good ones. Listen, let's bring this back on track. I'm clearly suffering from high blood pressure, I'm a little off.

Mine went up, too. As you get older, it goes up.

Because our what happens, our capillaries get.

I don't know, maybe it's not no, because then I just realized my husband has not gone up at all.

Your husband is the coolest guy I know. yeah, he is the most Michel he is.

Yes, you do.

We're always working a little dig.

You know how to dress?

You're good, I got there. You knew the old me who didn't know how to dress.

No, I think, well, I don't know that, I don't know how to dress, so you were always ahead of me.

I remember you being not a big fan of the cars that I drove back in the day, I had some shitty.

I was so excited about the Ford Taurus and I didn't understand that I was.

I told Lisa, I had this really shitty car. You invited me once to Liz and Gerald's wedding. Your friends, Yeah, yeah, and you said I could be your plus one, and I was like, Yay.

Look in the backseat.

Well, it could be blood, I don't know, and it was really funny. Then I finally was doing, OK, you know, and then I finally, and then I had. My second car was a 73 Plymouth Valiant.

You know, it's a GTO, right?

Not a GTO. What's it called? SHO Super high output.

Oh, OK, and you said, No, this is no. This is a fantastic car. yeah, this car, and it's fast.

It's the wolf in sheep's clothing.

You have to call a wolf in sheep's clothing.

It's it's a Ford, it looks it's a Ford Taurus on the outside, but it's got an incredible engine in a stick shift. And then what color was it?

Ford Taurus on the outside, Ford Gemini on the inside.

And then, but I'll never forget pulling. You're waiting out front, because this is like, I swear, this is so long ago, you're waiting out front. I said, I'll be right over.

Get over a wolf in sheep's clothing. It's like, you're saying, I look like this, but it's a good car.

It's a good car and it was brand new, and I bought it in Massachusetts. And when I bought it, I didn't know how to drive stick, and that's how I learned how to drive.

Because that's what men did.

That's what men did.

Oh, if you had a fast car and they were cheaper too, you didn't get, you know, some wimpy automatic transmission.

No, no, I needed to have full control over every inch of my Ford Taurus.

It was just a time when people who like, started doing well and then, you know, got their dream car. It was like a BMW, yeah, and that's what I was expecting, and then, yeah, I couldn't tell the difference between that and a Dodge Dart.

It was not.

I couldn't tell that my grandma had a Dodge Dart and it just kind of looked similar.

Yeah, I think what I was going for was I'm so confident that I have these cars that an old lady would drive. That's how cool and confident I am, and it never worked, and it's because I wasn't that cool and confident.

No, you were, but you were, but you also said, No, I don't like Flashy.

Yeah, I don't like Flashy.

And then I didn't like Flashy either, it turned out right. Yeah, because the first time I'm on friends and everyone's getting new cars. And you know, you see all our parking spots. And it's a Mercedes Coupe and a Porsche and all these fancy these cars. I got an Acura legend.

Yeah, and that was in season eight.

No.

Maybe we'll only have another year, I don't know, that thing lasts forever.

That's so hilarious, especially if your spot was, like, next to Matt LeBlanc.

Oh, yeah, it was.

Because he is such a gear head that I could imagine he had a different crazy car every week. And you're like, Well, the Acura has a lot of glove compartment space.

I know everybody going. Yeah, that's sensible, I guess. I don't know.

You did the sensible thing.

I wanted to be sensible.

I remember back in those days, you had a I don't know if you ever make this sense, but you used to make it. Make something which was you would take M&M's. Yes. Pour them into a pan, yeah.

A sheet, yeah.

Put them in the oven and melt them.

Well, not totally.

Not totally, yeah, but so that. But some of the integrity of the M&M is compromised. Yes, okay.

Sounds like the point, that was the point.

Deep breath.

No deep breath hold.

Exhale.

Can I have a raise?

I would be like, my days are free. This is the part I don't like, I don't mind the inflating part. What I hate is when it's going down and there's the throbbing in your arm that just always feels gross to me.

No.

Okay.

Yeah, it was. What's throbbing? What do you mean, throbbing?

When you compress your arm, the blood, then, of course, you feel it going thump, thump, thump, thump in your arm.

I don't have that, so one of us is dying.

Do you ever think?

Wait, we got to get to the end of this M&M's thing. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh yeah, yeah, so you would make this thing? Yes, you do. And it was like this big sheet of kind of quasi-melted m&m.

Yeah, it maintains its integrity if done right. It's just that the candy cracks and a little bit of the chocolate bubbles out, and it tastes like a different kind of chocolate, right? It tastes like good chocolate.

Do you still do this? No, when was the last time you made that? because you used to make it a lot?

Well, yeah, when I was young and could have M&M's whenever I wanted. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, it's been a long time.

Right?

I think after I had Julian, my son, I stopped doing that because we had to be more healthy.

I think of those days, l.

Ramen, Yeah.

You'd think, oh, okay, you do that maybe five times in a row and you're good. I'm made of that stuff my entire body. It's probably why I'm wearing a blood pressure monitor right now.

There's the source of the throbbing.

I've destroyed my body.

The flavor packet alone.

Oh, I love the flavor packet, God knows what's in there, right? But that's all I did. I think back on that now, just as you said, we were all just automatically doing these things.

Which, by the way, didn't you share that with Greg?

Yeah, my writing partner, Greg Daniels and I initially shared it. If one of us had to date, we had to ask the other if we could borrow the car. We were adult men sharing an apartment, we also shared an apartment, and we also shared an office where our desks faced each other.

And a car and a car. I mean, it's more than any married couple. Yeah, yeah.

Absolute Madness.

But also you came out here with jobs, yeah.

We had a tryout at a job, which was not necessarily the news.

Oh, that was a tryout.

I think so, I mean, meaning we were signed on to do, I think, four weeks and then if it didn't work. Which is why we were so petrified that we bought the cheapest. We rented a car, and then we realized Greg was always really good at this. It would be cheaper if we just bought this absolute piece of shit that they're selling at the airport to SAPs like us.

At my dad's office.

At your dad's office, yeah.

Headache clinic.

A headache clinic.

Yeah.

And you did some research with him on that, right?

I did, Yeah, well, that's right.

Specializing in the.

That was the question. Headache types Amongst all, there were nine different identified headache types. And does handedness...?

We've talked about our friendship before, but one of the things that I remember giving me a lot of solace was. I thought, because I came from the East Coast and had gone to this whatever very academic school and had no.

And your mom went to Vassar, Yeah, my mom, that was the other thing. you're like, Oh, my mom went there, yeah.

Yeah, and so I don't know.

Do I know anyone there? Do we have anyone in common? Yeah.

But it just felt like, Oh, wait a minute, she's doing this, and she seemed very confident and like, Well, yes, this is what I'm going to do.

Well, I was confident once I saw you in the class and I figured out what to do based on what you were doing. Because I didn't understand the terminology at all, like, commit, it's like, I don't know what that means, commit, commit to being an actor.

All this embarrassing stuff that you do.

But you did it with commitment, you weren't making a meal out of everything. You were just doing it. And you just looked like you actually were lifting a disc. Or you actually were throwing a ball. And everybody else was anger, you know?

Well, you know, one of the things that's funny is you and I are both. This is, we were in improv together for all these, that's how we really got started, and there's aspects of improv. That's, I'm sorry, it's embarrassing.

You were going to, he was absolutely going to get voted into the Sunday company.

But I was, which was going to mean a lot to me, and then it's like, nope, paying job got to go. But what I recall most from that period was, there's a side of both of us. This is a similarity.

It was on a university campus.

It was on a university campus and they're all saying, Hey, let's do zip, zap, Zoom, Zip zap, zap, zap, Zoom. And she's there, and she's established as one of the great comics of all time, and she's achieved everything.

Yes, that's what I was thinking for a good cause.

And you and I will show up, and once again.

Let's do warm-ups, everybody.

We're in an alley, we're in an alley. Oh no, literally we were, remember this one?

And then I'm just like, this coward or get along to go along who's like, sure, and then it's my turn, just don't do it. It's called passive aggressive.

Tell me more about this passive aggressive. I'd like to learn how to do it.

Not that it's funny, because it's ironic, but.

Passive aggressive to the therapist, I'm like, Oh, well, that's a good. oh, that's good advice, that's really good advice.

Shit.

I thought that was just being an asshole.

No, no, am I in trouble? Because no, that's very kind of you.

Never show a therapist your vulnerability. That's one thing I've learned, because then they'll use that to try and get you.

I know, by the way, this is not a bit for me. I mean, every word I've just said and I've learned a lot. I got to go.

Not until my blood pressure settles, so I got to. I had this great front row seat to knowing how crazy funny you were and how, you know, just fantastic you were. And then for a bunch of years, and then it was just to see you, not just nationally, but internationally.

Between a lie.

I'm confused now. Tell me how to be that was really that was.

Right after, right before the show exploded, yeah.

Yeah, so the show has been, it's been made, but it like, kind of blew up over the summer. But it's just starting to blow up. And you have your wedding, yeah.

Yeah.

And I'm sitting there and I'm the vet. I've been on TV for like a year and a half, and so I'll never forget. There was this kind of Matt LeBlanc especially, was kind of like, huh?

I don't think so.

Vatican is really looking shabby, but but yeah, I.

By the way, same for me to see you. OK, here's what I have to say that I know you had a hard time. Yeah, at first, yeah.

Oh, it's not his fault.

This is what he does.

No, no, no, no.

No, it's like, Oh, this is the comedy.

It's hilarious.

Like, once they figured it out, yeah, but you just kept harrowing, showing up as you.

I know because you don't know.

Are they ever going to get it, or are they ever going to?

And also they're telling people of America doesn't get it in the next three weeks.

Right?

You're out of here. But and I was hearing that a lot and then I would think, No, we're still going to do the weird thing.

But that was a huge life lesson for me that, yeah, you just show up, you do what you do.

Oh well.

Wait a minute. I don't mean personally, I mean every night on your show, right? It didn't.

Your situation was so intense and I saw you go through that, which I can't even begin to imagine what that's like. And I know that that level of.

Yeah.

Oh my god, you know, one of the friends is buying an avocado. We've got to get a photograph of it. Did you know what I mean? yeah.

Yeah, but I mean, I didn't. I'm. I don't remember it being too bad for me, but there were, there were six of us together going through.

It was terrifying. There's a flip side to that energy, it's it's they're excited to see you. And there's a great moment in that Scorsese movie. King of Comedy, where Jerry Lewis plays basically Jerry Lewis. And he's walking down the street and everyone in New York is shouting out, Jerry, Jerry because he's playing a big talk show host.

Oh oh, oh oh, fuck you.

Oh, you're always dealing. I think I'm always trying to get ahead of that and make sure everyone's happy, which can be a mistake.

Well, well, that actually only happened to me once in London, of course. Yeah, where? I mean, I guess they're just so repressed there, right? I don't know.

That's right, yeah.

A silk beret? Where do they have their berets? Yeah, no, I need a baguette.

It's really, I'm sorry, Michelle and a bicycle.

So he went to the bicycle section.

He was trying him out.

I was just going to say, first, he went down to the makeup department to draw a mustache.

And you were giving them what they wanted.

And I didn't say one word. Yeah, they just did it all on their own, from Happy to see you to do we have. We need a rope and a tree branch. That's what it felt like, you know, like a gallows.

Nothing you did.

How dare she? And my husband? And I just was getting kind of scared because I felt like I was two seconds away from getting physical and my husband appeared back. And and they stopped and just went, Lovely to meet you and walked away, and I went, You don't know what just happened, and you won't believe me because you didn't see it.

I've always felt like a horror movie. Groups like I always the Beatles. They would say we had each other, and I think that must have been a godsend that you guys could.

Yes.

Compare, you know, yeah, I was on the set once and could just see that, like when I think of once we were. At one point, we were all near the sort of the dressing room area and everybody was just sort of chilling before we went out and did this thing.

Oh, it was completely. And also, I mean, and we kept each other in check pretty well, too. Because not one of you is the star of the show, you know, you're accountable to five other people. That was great.

I'm concerned about you.

Rope and a branch. Where's my blood pressure cuff? I'm just going to take mine off. No one cares about me enough.

And put it on you.

Yeah, because there was a backlash for us, like after two or three seasons, I don't remember, but you know, we didn't know to stop. We're just doing what the network and studio were asking us all this publicity to do, and we were way overexposed.

And they were like, Who's Conan?

No.

No, that nervous girl.

Was it that tall, nervous girl from the wedding?

How do you know Tilda Swinton? She was at your wedding?

They seemed so they were so happy to see me, and then I realized later it was because I thought it was Tilda Swinton.

And she wasn't even famous then.

They just said, You look like an actress that's about to break, do you? OK? You come off of friends and then you can figure what's, how do, what do I do next? What are the next?

Oh, thanks so much.

And it's beloved, I hope you know that, but it's absolutely revered. And it was so well done that there were times when I was watching it that I got suckered in. Because we've talked about this, the actor who played the head writer who was so cruel to you?

Yeah, Lance, Lance, yeah.

And he, but he was really being a passive. It's just an incredibly acidic mean, cooler than you, treating you terribly, and I was getting really upset on your behalf. Oh my God.

He's the nicest person on the planet, he's the nicest person.

Yes, I know.

We ruined him, I mean, we.

Yeah, he can't work now.

But he's the dad on Young Sheldon.

Yes, oh, I know I was making a joke, I didn't want to, OK.

I don't want anyone to think we don't know that he's really successful.

Yeah, yeah, well, yes.

He got his due.

Yeah, of course he did. I don't think you'd need it to ruin the rhythm of everything for that.

Young Sheldon I just want everybody to be happy. What if he listens to me, OK?

Can we get a when? How can people see Young Sheldon? When's it on passive aggressive?

Oh, it's over now, but it's streaming.

OK, it's streaming, you can see Young Sheldon on streaming.

It's on Paramount Plus.

That's all the time we have.

Come on, everyone help Chuck Lorre.

He's only got 15 syndicated shows.

Yeah, thanks for that.

And yeah, I really helped you out.

But yes, you did.

But what I'm saying is you chose these projects that were really smart and right for you. What's cool is, I think you, you, you got these fans who I'm sure know, friends like friends, like you on friends. But then you got to. I don't know that takes. I think. I think you made very smart moves.