Nikki Glaser Returns Again

I feel ecstatic, honored, and quite tan about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

I can tell that we are gonna be friends. Hey there, welcome to Conan. O'Brien needs a friend sitting here with Sona Movsesian.

Oh my god, you're a drift great, and then how are you? Matt? I'm good, Yeah, you're all right.

Good, yeah, okay, I'm feeling pretty good myself.

Oh, that's two x, No. John Glenn, the director. What did he direct? Well, he directed all the Roger Moore movies for the most part. The later ones, oh yeah, those are always considered the best ones.

Hey, can we watch James Bond? Sure.

And then the love interest or the young woman. He puts her in bed and puts a blanket over her, and then he falls asleep in a chair and watches her sleep to make sure she's okay. Why don't you make her some hot soup? Well, he does, he goes and makes. This isn't the James Bond I signed up for, he goes and makes a quiche, he does.

Yeah, because remember that joke from the 80s that real men don't eat quiche? Yeah, don't eat quiche. They were playing on that. But he does, he literally goes and makes her a quiche. Yeah, yeah.

Man, Okay, well, I'm not defending it. It was good that they had a reboot. I'm not defending it, I'm promoting it. Who's the bond that's after?

Because Roger Moore, he's great, but he was around for a long time. He got a little long in the tooth. He did the most, and then he did the most. James Bond movies, if you don't count Connery's unofficial turn in Never Say Never Again.

Okay, yeah, all right, well, see. This is good because I was being told recently how popular this podcast was and how it appeals to so many people. And I thought, let's go a little niche and just shed some fans, and that's what we're doing right now. We're talking about Roger Moore.

But I think you were going to say, Who came after him? Yeah, Timothy Dalton, Timothy Dalton.

He's amazing.

Well, I don't think we've ever had an unusual opening. Well, we haven't even talked about Connery or Lazenby yet. No, no, no, no.

I agree, but you brought it up, I didn't bring it up. Who should be the new bond? Who should be the new bond?

Oh, yeah, let's talk about that. I have this, I mean, since you're asking, and since we're looking to lose listeners, yeah. I think they shouldn't do an actor in a string of films, they should do various period set movies.

Idris Elba in the 90s, Michael Fassbender in the 50s. You know what I mean, who's in with me? Well, guess what?

I'm going to say, I don't think that's a dumb idea, that's not, that's. that's a confusing way to say it. I'm going to say this.

I don't not support you, I don't not not support you. It's the most you've ever complimented. I don't. That's like a quadruple negative.

As of dumb ideas that not not among them, are you hedging or are you stroking? Stupid idea that not sure it be? says I. That's your new bond.

I don't know, I think, you know, listen, we have bigger worries in this country right now than than who will be the next bond. And besides, it's not our choice. Isn't it up to Great Britain? Don't they get to decide?

Yeah, I think they vote. Unbelievable that they get to decide. What do you mean?

We should decide who the next bond is, instead of another crumpet, please, and I think I'll decide now who Bond shall be. We had an empire about 600 years ago. Cough, cough.

A little snuff right now.

His name will be Nigel Bottle Bottom. He's an actor I just saw fantastic. He was in Lear, he played the guy who brings Lear some flan.

Who do you think should be Bond? I would like a shot at it. What? Okay, listen to me.

Everyone thinks Bond has to be like, handsome and stuff, and my point is maybe not so much right, and that he has to be like.

Yeah, but we could do better, you know what? I could be a great villain. Because in the modern world, it makes sense that it's someone in the media. It's like a comedian, but he also, he's like nuclearized passive aggressiveness.

Yeah, somehow, yeah, and but no. But everyone thinks, Oh, he's kind of whatever he's, he's kind of funny.

And I'm out there with my quips, and I'm, you know, I'm, I'm out there. My clips are out there on YouTube, and things are occasionally trending here and there. And no one would suspect that guy. But meanwhile, they've hollowed out a volcano and I'm in there and imprisoned.

No, I'm in there and I'm working with Jordan Slansky, and, you know, I'm taking over the world. I'd watch it.

Hold on a second.

Oh, I just need a little more time.

I'm allergic to those who's got peanut oil.

What do you think?

I'm done if that's what you're trying to do.

A quantum of.

No time to.

All right, I just ruined Bond. You're welcome, you're welcome. Everybody apologies Britain for the crazy, stupid stereotype, yeah.

Awful, awful person. Conan O'Brien.

His latest comedy special, Someday You'll Die, is available to stream on Max and was just nominated for an Emmy for Outstanding Variety special. Good for her, she deserves it. She's also currently on her Alive and Unwell comedy tour. Tickets are available at Nikkiglazer..com.

I'm really thrilled she's with us today.

I love her. Nikki Glazer welcome.

Because the divergence of your skin color to tan is as much as a normal person going white to black. Yeah, Al Jolson to blackface, that's the same as me having a tan. no one buys me as tanned.

And the truth is, I always use Sona as backup, but she's been with me all over the world. I was in Rome recently, I was outdoors for maybe 15 minutes without sunscreen. Then we went into this Vatican thing to meet the Pope, and all the other comedians are meeting the Pope.

And then the comment on mine is Conan O'Brien needs some sunblock, look at that, look at how burned he is. And I thought I was outside for 10 minutes and I just look...

I just look like I've been day drinking when I'm in the sun, I don't get a cool tan.

A white t-shirt.

Spreading oil on your skin? Yeah, we were still doing that. yeah, like baby oil, cooking oil. I remember people were putting baby oil on their skin to get a tan.

Yeah, and we would sneak to tanning beds because it was like a bad thing our parents knew, but I would have to sneak away and go to tanning beds. Like I was sneaking into a boy's house or something, or smoking cigarettes. It was the same kind of level of that that's bad to do, but I always blocked my face because I knew...

I always put a thing over my face because I just knew that.

Yeah, you knew that you wanted to be....

Just need to feel uplifted. I think probably people tell you that all the time. But that is just such a classic 20-minute run that you guys had together. Where you were, Edward, you were timing them to see how long....

If they could be.

Do a regular interview.

Because we've known each other since 1988. And he went, You've just done so well. And it's so surprising. And what's funny is that he's being honest, it is surprising. But I don't want this to be about me.

I want it to be a little bit about you and then about me.

You're having more than a moment and it's because you deserve it. Because you are a spectacular joke writer, an amazing performer, and your work ethic is off the charts. So to me, when I watched, everyone was like, Oh my God, Nikki Glaser, Tom Brady Roast. And you had this moment. It was the moment. You're always having moments like that.

It's just that the planet's lined up and everybody was watching. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, but it was not. Oh, isn't this incredible? Nikki had this amazing night.

That's what you do.

No one's going to do a better roast set than that. I don't believe I think you just did this thing, which is now going to be like, where is it on the Nikki Glaser scale?

It's a 6.

2.

Really, that's pretty good. It's not her 10. I looked at that and I thought, this is lots of talent, but talent I've always said doesn't interest me that much.

What really interests me is work ethic and process, and then later on I read interviews....

And I do that with my own stand-up act, but this I was like, I want it to be a collaborative effort. I know that that's how I've done great in the past. And it's not my natural inclination to be like a roasty person. I just am not...

I have to kind of get in that mode. So I instantly assembled a team and was like, here's who's going to be doing the roast. Start sending me jokes, then I start thinking in roast mode, and then I can start writing jokes. And then I took that set out so many times to different clubs, every single place, and then meeting with writers afterwards in between sets, moving things around. Oh, let's change that word.

Should I say retarded or retard? Like, you know, getting down like having really....

I tried my best and then I would have no regrets.

It wasn't as good as it could have been.

And I'm plagued by regret about things and I just wanted to not. I'm always trying to avoid that feeling, cause it's the worst feeling.

I wasn't, I didn't have the experience and she came at me and it was just a mess. And I'm not kidding. And so, but I was looking at your set was relentless. And at a certain point, I can tell that. You know, there's one thing when I don't know. It's like in physics or something where a fire is so hot that then the like the air around it catches fire and there's no stopping it.

At some point you got to a point where you knew, Oh, this is, you had to. I can see it.

And I go, Oh, actually, I do. I think I do deserve to be here and maybe like these people like me and like they trust that this is going to go well. And I've said this so many times, I don't even need to look at the prompter like I didn't need to read it.

I was kind of on my own, I memorized.

And it really taught me that I need to do that more often, I need to give that kind of effort to everything I do. And then there was this moment afterwards where I was like, I can't give that much effort to everything.

We work on it every day. Yeah, and you were there, Sona, when I would, whether it was, you know, hosting award shows or a White House correspondent center or something. Yeah, okay, I'm going to do the late night show.

And then when I'm, when the show is over, we're all going right upstairs. And jokes are going to fight it out, and new jokes are going to come in, and some jokes that we thought were funny are going to drop out. And it's just going to be, and you do that, you go, and you go, and you go, and you go and you go.

And you do that for weeks. And I think the reason I talk about this stuff. Some people might listen and say, like, Well, this isn't, you know, this is not fun to hear about, or? And I think people need to know that. It's not just really smart, funny person. Nikki Glaser got up in a room and killed that. There's a whole arc behind it that speaks to your character, that brought you to that point, and I do think people need to know that.

And because it was live and there was no edit and pass roast, you can kind of go. Oh, this joke kills 80 of the time. I'll take a risk with that 20. If it happens, they'll cut it out. I know the editor, I can text him, but this was like, No, we only have to do 100 jokes that do 100%.

So we had to get them to that, or they didn't make the cut, and that was really sad because a lot of jokes didn't make the cut. But I felt afterwards I had like a couple of days, maybe even longer, of feeling like, Oh, no. Everyone's going to expect me to be like in this roast mode all the time. Where I'm just this like assassin that gets up there and is always this on, and it's just not. That just took. I can't do that every day and I felt scared.

And it gets to this point where you think it's great to kill at a roast. But also, what's so nice is I watched your special, You know, someday you'll die, and I was in. It's very different from the roast, but very good and also very good. And my point is, you can do so much more than that. That you don't want to be someone who's like, Well, you know, it's Nikki, the roast girl. You don't want to do that because there's a lot more to you than that.

And, you know, there's-.

And it was like it was a lot of work went into all those appearances. And I would get that kind of those accolades after I would do those things. And I go, I can't live up to this, I just got to be who I am and it's so tough.

Isn't it like to, just like, accept that you aren't what you might want to be? Because I want to be you, you know, and I'm just not, and that's okay, and I watch you, and sometimes it's hard to watch you, to be honest.

And you're going to take it. I last time I checked, you're still getting a paycheck.

I'm going to give myself credit for I know what's funny, I'm a good curator and I really did run that. I know I picked that set and someone else could have had every element that I had and would have done a totally different set. So I give myself some credit for that.

I give myself some credit for the performance and the timing. And I did write a lot of the jokes. And I could find a way to say, Okay, I'm special, but then I also don't want to get, I don't want to get. I don't want to think that I'm special either, I don't want to think too much that I'm special.

You say quietly to yourself, Nikki, Yeah, I am, I am very hot, and then you come out of the phone, that's all.

It's like, that's when the cement dried and then later on-.

It's just a chapstick in an old receipt, and also there's still a lot of. It's a relatively new bag, so there's a lot of tissue. They put in it just to fill out the bag, and I'm like, it looked fuller, but this is just tissue.

And then-.

And I'm like, and I see pictures from that era and I look, it's fucking crazy, it's so crazy.

And I was so just someone that everyone was making fun of and whispering about that. I was like, I gotta do something else that people are gonna talk about, I gotta take control of this. And that's when, that's when I started to hear, Oh, you're funny, and then that's when. That's when I found that in my bag, I didn't know that I was looking in that bag that you're talking about for so long.

I'm like, what is gonna be my fucking thing? Like, I wanna be, I wanna? I know I wanna be a performer, I know I wanna be on TV. But what? Doing? What wasn't good at acting wasn't getting. I didn't go to even like, a performing arts high school, but I was still getting like. Jewish Townsperson B in the Diary of Anne Frank, you know, like, and I was a senior like. This was supposed to be my moment to finally get the lead.

Forget this, Anne Frank, bitching and moaning. Look at that Jewish Towns girl in the back.

And I was feeling and I was like, I'm gonna be a mom, or like, I can't, I'm gonna kill myself, but I can't. I really was like, I can't believe I have to kill myself someday. I really thought that I remember having that feeling when I didn't get in theater school.

If you kill yourself, their show will do better.

The ability to make a chunk of jokes about having thoughts about wanting to kill myself, real thoughts and being able to have people laugh at that. And being able to get out of that and put that in my special was a huge achievement because that chunk was not doing well for a while. But then I kind of broke it when I figured out that you can excuse anything you're talking about if someone in your life was affected by that thing. Like, you can joke about cancer if you're like, Well, I lost my partner to cancer and like, Oh, I've been through it.

I don't want to trigger anyone, I don't want people to leave feeling, you know, having a panic attack because I brought up something they've been through. So I do offer refunds to my shows if you leave my show. Panicked because I said some word that made you think of something that happened to you? I'll venmo you back your money, at least the part of your ticket that I made. You know, I really will because I don't like-.

Or, thank you, you've been great. That really triggered me. I want my money back. That's like eating a full meal at Denny's and saying, Yeah, this didn't quite do it for me. There's a very funny thing that you said in your special, which was actually, it served two purposes.

First of all, because you were talking about suicidal ideation and people that have any of those kinds of thoughts. You give the number of people you should call, which is-.

And you say, 988's the number you call if you're having, and I thought, like, that's important. I wanted to repeat that. And then you said, it's not 911, and you had a really funny you mimed. What happens if you call 911??

Like, I thought, Okay, you got the information out?

If I, I don't think I'll ever do that and would never even attempt, I've never even been close to attempting. But because I'd have to clean my room first, I always realize because I'm going to have company.

You can do it after, just at least call the number first, and I'm not saying do it after. But I'm saying, if you are so dead, set on this. But okay, so let's just see, just reach out to someone. And I think it's very important to get that out there. But yeah, it was, that was an achievement for me to be able to talk about that.

And I have even more to say in my next special, it turns out.

You simulate a gangbang by yourself in a mini dress on a stool, and it is really something to see. First of all, I learned a lot about what? Because I'm so uptight and naive in my own way that I'm not quite sure how a gangbang works. And then you're acting it out on a stool, and I was like, Oh.

Yeah.

And then I can tell, because I'm like, No, I don't want that. And I could tell the site is just like, Okay, we'll see you next week. Like, Oh, sorry, we jumped the gun on this.

It's like the only way because I can't even talk to my friends about the stuff that they watch, like, it's not even something you can talk. You really can't talk to anyone about what you see on there and what you witness. And I find that comedy is a great way to like, for me, to kind of exercise that guilt that I have of the stuff that I'm witnessing.

Because I'm not alone.

Gangbang's a category that's like, right up center.

I don't know, I have in my life. I have people that think, Oh, it must be nice to be in that situation, and I think I don't know. It's just been a constantly evolving situation and pain is a regular part of it.

And disappointment. And I think we have a world that doesn't show that. They just show almost in that Kardashian way. Like everything's cleaned up and looks so perfect and looks so idealized. And I just think it's really important for people to understand that. Okay, this is what it takes to be a Nikki Glaser, and this is what the and these are the things that are part of your personality.

And you share it with people and it's really funny. But I think it's, I hate to say, because it sounds so corny. But I also think it does some good for young women.

And I didn't know about fake eyelashes or hair extensions and all these things. And so whenever I do anything or get compliments on my looks or anything like that. I remember I was working on that show, FBoy Island, and the director's young daughters came to set. And they were. And I was really just dolled up. I looked like a princess and they were like, You're so beautiful.

And I go, girls, let's look at this. This is. I took out my hair, which I have on right now, I unclipped it, I go, this is all fake, everyone, every woman you see on TV is wearing this stuff.

I go, these are fake eyelashes and the director's in my ear, and he goes, Thank you so much for doing this because no one does this. And these girls were admiring me in a way that they wouldn't had I not been wearing all this stuff. And they need to know because I suffered so much from not knowing that stuff.

So I think that's really what drives. Everything I do is like, I want young girls, especially, to have all the information that they need to go forward and not feel so. Like there's something wrong with them because they don't look that way, or they don't have that kind of success, or they don't have, they don't know, they're not as sexually advanced. I mean, that was a real problem for me as well, was just that I was scared of boys for so long. And I think that's why I talk about sex all the time is because I just didn't have information about it, so I was scared about it and I didn't want to do it.

And my mom also told me at a very young age, if you're ever alone with a boy, they'll all rape you. And so I. She literally gave me that sex talk that was she wanted to scare me, like, you know, that kind of parental thing of. But she also-.

I couldn't public speak and in seventh grade, I would have to, you know, present during recess or when the other kids were, like, at recess, alone with the teacher. My dad would have to call because I would shake so much in front of the class. I would always do presentations that were glow in the dark, so that I could do it in the dark so that no one would see me shake. And then one time, Mrs Tuckey was like, why don't you give the presentation with the lights on?

And then we turn it out and I was like, No, that's not the plan. And I'm just shaking so much my kneecaps. I would feel like I was gonna fall over. And then that really butted up. Against the fact that I wanted to be on TV, I didn't know what I was gonna do.

And I just remember there was a moment where I was just like, you can't live in regret, you're gonna regret if you don't try. And so I signed up for a play that I had no business doing, but I just had to go do it. Because, and I think that's my whole life is just signing up for things. I'm scared of saying yes to things that I'm terrified I'm gonna fail at. And then I have to fulfill it because I don't wanna disappoint people.

And I think that's really a key component of my success. Do you feel the same way? Do you say yes to things that you're scared of, and then do you dread it?

So this is now in six weeks. How am I supposed to do this?

I just have to, and I have to have a physician present, and that has to be Jose. But that's kind of all I knew. And then everything else from then is just, this has to keep ramping up from the thing that just happened and-.

And it was one of the most brilliant things I've ever seen.

And she said, We got to go to the hospital and I went, No, we're just going to keep going and it's going to go away and it did.

And I swear to God like, there's a now you walk like the elephant. I know, I know I didn't say it was a smart thing to do. And there are times, listen, there are times, kids, when you should go to the hospital. But I come from kind of tough, tough minded people, tough people where they could just compartmentalize.

Really well, and my father once had, he had a big surgery and this is a bunch of years ago. They had to go in and like, pretty much cut open, like his torso and do this big operation for colon cancer. And he survived it. But they sewed him up and he woke up, and he's a doctor.

So he knows that time in the hospital is dangerous and that medications that sedate you and kill pain slow recovery. So he woke up, he yanked everything out, he got up, put on his clothes with like this giant Frankenstein stitch down the side, and I flew home to visit him in the hospital. But I'm going to drop my bags off at home first and be there just when he comes out of surgery. And I ring the bell for my brother to answer, and the door opens, and it's my father.

White as a sheet. And he's like, Hi, how are you? And then I said, Oh, dad, dad, you should be in the hospital, and he went, I'm fine. Then I said, Well, I'm going to. After a while, I said, I'm going to take mom to a restaurant, you know, take her out for restaurant.

And he went, I'm coming too, and we went to, like, a fish restaurant in Brookline village. And he's like, this is lovely and like, blue foam is coming out of his mouth. And I have a bit of him in me, which is, I've always thought, you know, if I'm about to go out and do something and someone, you know, I'm going to say. Lower caliber bullet, but a 22 and I got hit.

Yeah, and maybe it missed a vital area, but still bad. I'll go and do the thing and then I'll come backstage and I'll say, Sona, I think it's time to go to the nearest hospital.

Yeah, do you know what I mean? That's, and I think that's what we're all, that's not just me, if you get a chance at this point.

And and I did have a feeling that you weren't feeling it. I mean, I know you were feeling it, but like, I just, I could sense that. But as soon as you got in the car, is that when the pain came on?

And he's driving me back home because we knew I probably shouldn't be driving and my hand started burning. And I've talked about this, but underneath my wedding ring, which burns anyway. Because I think it was a Yeah, I mean, come on, that was just a mistake. I should be out there bucking and socking.

Oh man, but mostly socking.

You know what I was getting?

Because it will. That is just writing someone like giving someone a thousand dollars if I die in some crazy way, and then I only write that a hundred times. There's a hundred people out there that have me predicting some crazy that is giving someone a gift. But I want to say that I relate to the pain thing because I wear, I try to dress up when I'm on stage.

I try to live this kind of pop star life that I might not ever have in my own life. When I'm on stage, I dress up and I wear these heels, and after the show, people are like, How did you do that? For an hour or 20 minutes, you're up there.

And I don't feel it. Oh, but the second, the second I step out of the spotlight, my feet ache, I throw them off my feet, and it doesn't happen for an hour and 20 minutes. I'm up there.

But I'm like, literally the foot goes into the dim light and I am throwing them off. So there is something about a performance that makes you numb. And I think, yeah, that's why I should have surgeries during podcasts.

If there's a mic in the room and someone asking me about my process.

I've seen so many people with talent not do much with it, or misuse it or mistreat it, so I'm very happy for you. Thank you, Conan, and on a personal level, and I take full credit for everything you've achieved.

Anyway.

Nikki, I'm proud of you, I love you, keep doing your thing.

I said, The first time I met you, but you. I would not be doing comedy if I hadn't discovered you. I really wouldn't. There's just no....

There's no way.

Like you, your show opened my eyes to a thing that was just I became. I'm a huge swiftie now.

And I always talk about my obsessions through the years, and you were my first like obsession where I go....

You are a famous fan of hers. And I feel like it has to happen like we need to orchestrate a meeting.

You just want to stay a fan because I don't. I don't even want her to have to deal with my me crying and having to like....

She's she'll handle it, she'll be fine.

NIKKI GLASER Yeah, you were texting her when I came in and you were like, just let this relationship keep going and if it falls apart, maybe I'll take you out again.

Nikki Glaser, Be well and keep doing your Nikki Glaser thing. Thank you for having me anytime.

Last episode we talked to Lisa Kudrow and you had a blood pressure monitor on the entire time. And we thought maybe we'd check in with you and see what the update is on that. Well, I have some news for you guys. Okay, nothing's, you know, I think, wrong with me.

Well, that's a whole other thing. My doctor said I always had great blood pressure and then more recently, he said, it keeps notching its way up. And so he said, why don't we just put a cuff on you when it just takes your blood pressure over 24 hour period?

You just wear it and you forget about it. Well, he lied, because you don't forget about it. It's a giant blood pressure cuff, and then there's what looks like a catheter tube, going from that to a giant World War II walkie talkie. And you have to hold that.

It doesn't clip onto your belt or anything, so you know, you're walking around holding a large 1940s radio that's attached to your arm. And then every 30 minutes, this thing would inflate and take your blood pressure. So anyway, I, as you know, wasn't planning on this, I thought it was going to be more discreet.

I thought it would be some cool little tiny thing made by Apple that they like, put into your bicep and you don't even notice it. No, I didn't realize that technology hasn't really evolved since the three stooges were doing medical sketches. So this thing kept inflating every 30 minutes and I had to lug it around with me for 24 hours. So it ended up as part of playing a part of me. Lisa Kudrow interview.

Yeah, and so what were your results? Well, the results were interesting. Doctor calls me up and he goes, So he went, Yeah, your blood pressure's all over the map, he said. It calms down at night when you go to sleep, but it's these highs and lows.

And he said, So walk me through your day. And so he started saying what was happening at this time and I kept. I had a very good memory for the day before. And so obviously, there are times where we're here doing the podcast. And I'm sitting here with Lisa Kudrow, who's an old friend but also a massive star. And so I'm activated, you know?

But also, and he'd say, Well, what's going on at two o'clock? Oh yeah, that's when I was having a wrestling match with my head. Writer Mike Sweeney and I were just wrestling each other in the hallway. Okay, well, what was happening over here? Oh, I think that's when I threw an orange at Sona.

And so basically, as I was walking through my day with my doctor, it became clear that I may my blood pressure may not be artificially high. I think I'm just like a Tasmanian devil, I'm an insane person. Purely environmental, but of your own making, of my own making, yeah.

And he was like, Well, what's going on here? And I went, Oh, I'm doing my weight workout and what's going on over here? I'm running full tilt through my neighborhood, listening to music.

Oh, ok, then what happens? Well, then I get to work. Oh, good things must settle down.

Well, no, that's when I see my head writer and I tackle him and we fight. OK, oh well, then what happened? Well, I saw Sona and she had a sandwich and I saw an orange, so I had to throw it at her. Yeah.

Then she threw a banana at me and the fight ensued. So, anyway, I was going through my whole day and realizing none of this reflects my body is probably responding in the correct way. Yeah, and I'm, you know.

But are you OK? Oh, I don't think so. No, I think I'm not along for this world, but I've had a good run, I've had a really good run.

You have, yeah, I've enjoyed it, I've had a good time. It's about time and no one should feel sorry because, trust me, I did this to myself.

Yeah, that's true. No, I know.

As I put it away, a circa 1902 Armenian dagger, how did he die? He was choked to death. Using dried apricot, it was rolled up.

To the tune of the Saber dance.

Someone is making is shoving way too much garlic into a pita.

Enforcing, forcing gangly anglos to eat it. Gangles, gangles, gangly anglos. Hey, we got another gangler went down. Don't tell me, yeah, Altadena.

No, get over there and then they can smell the garlic before they even do the blood test. I got a deceased male gangler on the streets, we got a gangler.

The Armaniac, the Armaniac, that's pretty well, the Armaniac is loose. Another gangler was found.

A six foot four inch red haired, white pasty irishman with garlic levels 9000 times the normal level. Oh well, who found him? A jogger? Well, a jogger was a mile away and smelled a lot of garlic. So I altered her course to go by and there was the gangler.

And then we knew the Armaniac was back. All right. Well, don't worry, I've carved a something, a little something out for you later. Conan's gone. What do I get here you go, Sona?

A little fruit tree?

Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien. Sonam of Cessian and Matt Gourley Produced by Me Matt Gourley executive produced by Adam Sachs. Nick Liao and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

Take it away, Jimmy.

Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista and Brit Khan. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.

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