Rashida Jones Returns

Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walk in blues, climb the fence, books and pens. I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

Yes, I can tell that we are gonna be friends. Hey there, welcome to Conan. O'Brien needs a friend. I just twirled a Kleenex box into the air with great force. That amused everybody.

I don't know why I'm sitting here with Digglepuss. Johnson A.

K.

A son of Mosesian and, of course, the highly competent Matt Gorley. How are you, Matt? Wait a minute.

That is the most confusing.

Is that an insult or a compliment? No, it's not an insult at all. That's an insult to me. Yes, there you go.

Okay, yeah, it's a bank shot. I got her by, just always okay, then I'll let that one pass.

Because I'm not, I live in a bubble, as you know. Yes, okay, so I use a delivery service for my marijuana. Why'd you pause?

I don't.

Because I was trying to think of there's a jolt in shame. I was trying to think of a word I could use to make it sound like it's, hey, it's cool.

It's just my thing. So is there a grub hub then? For is that what it is? Yeah, I use a service called Ease.

What's up, Ease? And can you spell that for me? Give me some money? E-a-z-e, yeah.

So e-a-z-e, I mean, this is not a promo for them. I don't approve of that. Well, you could tell me, Seth, you don't approve of it.

So ease is.

No, no, I don't want people poking on a jazz cigarette, poking on it, poking on it, oh, please.

I've been around poking on it. Yeah, well, listen, that's the newer phraseology. The old one was poking on a jazz cigarette in the alley.

So anyway, my question is, ease, how does it work? What do you do? You go online? And this is not seriously, this is not an ad.

Do not fast forward through this because we are not getting money from ease. Sona may get a what is it? a little bit of a a little bit of credit in my account.

So what is it? So, anyway, you order your....

To poke on, to poke on, if we're going to use the correct terminology, yeah, yeah, oh yeah, to poke on some grass, yeah, so you're poking on a little J-bone.

And then what?

You ordered up some lil pokies?

So anyway?

Why am I talking about it? So a guy comes really nice guy, how do you know? I'm just going to ask a couple of questions and I'm sincere about these.

What's the difference between you're in the mood for a gummy, a five milligram gummy, or a what you said is a foreshortened?

Is a little thing, can I be honest? Yeah, the gummy. You have to wait for it to hit you.

Like, 45 minutes, 30 minutes to an hour, right? And when you just want to feel it right away, I just go for a little like, mini, little, mini, little mini J-bone. Yeah, okay, you smoke them out your eyes.

Why are you doing that? I love the little mini J-bone, so wait.

Okay, she's like, I don't know, two inches, yeah, an inch, yeah.

And so you get that, wow, he did not. No, no, no, come on.

Just hold on. So it's so short. Do you have to use? what do you use like tweezers to hang on to it? No, no, no, it's not like a roach.

It has a little cuff, it's got a little filter. I see I got it. And then you, just you....

And this gives you this, gives mama her hit right away, gives mama her hit, right? I don't have to wait, because who wants to wait around for 45 minutes? You'd have to watch? That's almost a whole, you know, segment of CNN, you know?

It's like, you have to wait. yeah, that's what I'll be watching, you have to wait until the next story comes around. You know, yeah, where they go, like, anyway. And then when you see the dog on the treadmill the second time, you know you've watched for like 45 minutes.

It's like a whole Love is Blind episode, basically same thing. Have you watched CNN lately? No?

They're all in a hot tub, that's cool. Yeah, I would not be surprised. Yeah, not at all.

They're doing anything they can for ratings. But anyway, so what? So the guy came to deliver and you know, you give your license because they're very, you know, strict about whatever you're ordering and you have to pay and stuff. So I gave him my license and my credit or my card. And they want to make sure that you're of age.

Of age Absolutely, yeah, you have to be 21. So I gave it to him and then he's like, Oh, let me get my reader. And I was like, Oh, I'll go, so you don't have to come back all the way, and then we go.

And then he goes, he's like, Can I ask you a question? He goes, Do you work for Conan O'Brien? and I go, Yeah, and he goes. I wasn't sure because my license, says Tolleen, which is my first name, and then it turns out he was at your last tonight show.

And he waited in the rain for hours to go and watch your Last Tonight show. And he says he was the last person that they let in. Oh, that's nice. And he said, It was a really special day. He's been a huge fan of yours for a really long time.

And I was like, Shut up and give me my weed, weed, weed. yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Conan tonight show emotional moment, Give me the weed.

Well, that's very sweet, no, but it was really, really sweet. Did you get his name? I did, I think I could say it.

Nick I'm pretty sure his name is Nick, just a shout out to Nick. That means a lot to me that you waited, that you came to that show and had my back in that weird time.

I think that's very cool. And now is he going to be your regular? No? If you ordered from him again, would he come back? Or is it a different person every time?

It's a different person every time. All right, yeah, hook us up. Ease, No, I'm good ease.

They're going to hook you up. Yeah, what do you want? You do not partake, do you?

Occasionally, but I don't do very well on it. No, no, I'm probably like you, where my head just starts racing, and you know, no, my problem is just as I exist is a problem.

So the idea of distorting that seems, would it mellow you out at all?

No, I don't think so. What do you think? I think it would? I think you are the candidate for it. Actually. I think it might help you, yeah.

I had 10 years of solid weed use. I didn't know that about you, you were a pothead, I wouldn't know. Do you wake and bake?

No, but I'd noon and bake, you know, it was like alcohol, nothing before noon, before noon. The rules have changed.

But all I would do is hang with my best buddy and watch the shittiest movie possible. That's fun. I know it's the greatest thing ever I know.

But then it all turned on me and it doesn't work anymore. Oh, it turned on Tack, too. Tack's not a guy. And people keep saying, Oh, there's a strain for you, and I've never heard that. So what would you prescribe me, Sona, as someone who is an edible?

An edible, but what variety of edible? I think that you need the kind of maybe a hybrid that would just kind of like, chill you out. Or an indica they call it. That's the one that makes you kind of sleepy. Eduardo, you just jumped in on that.

You think Indica is the one? Indica will chill you out? Yeah, do you guys want me chilled out? I'd like to see it.

I would love to let's try it, let's get high. Although because of your size, because you're a tall guy, I feel like you need quite a bit. Also you've been around me.

I have a high tolerance. Yeah, you do. Yeah, I have a very high tolerance for stuff, I will say. We were on a trip somewhere and we were on a plane and everyone was sleeping.

I was reading a book and you came back to talk to me and I was like, Oh, man, aren't you sleeping? And you're like, Oh, I took an Ambien. But it's like throwing a tic tac into the sun. Yeah, that's one of my favorite things you've ever said. That's what I said.

Yeah, no, it's true, it's true, I'll go to the. I mean, I don't know what it is. But if I go to the dentist and they give me what they think is a massive dose of novocaine, then they go to drill into my tooth. And I feel everything.

And I go, Hey, and they're like, Oh right, we looked at your chart, you need 40 times that to put you down, you're like an elephant.

So that would be. My issue is that I would have like seven of what you just said, which I think is indicates that's fine. And then I'd still be like, Hey, there, let's do a podcast.

And there'd be no difference. I think I want you to try it. You know what? I think would be funny if we equipped you guys with blow darts that shot little Indica darts. And I could come in and I could be like, all right, let's get started.

And then, oh, my neck, and then you get me and you get me, and I start gyrating, and then you keep hitting me and then I'm just covered in darts.

But I'm still like, all right, we've got to get to. Rashida Jones. Yes, and nothing takes me down. You talk like you're high all the time, yeah.

Like, what you just said, that's something people would say when they're high. Yeah, like, shoot me with weed darts, yeah, the fact that you're completely sober and you think of these things. I told you I had a doctor who I had an initial visit with a doctor once.

And he ran through all the questions and then he said, Okay, let's talk about drug use. And I said, I don't do drugs. And he said, Well, what about cocaine? and I said, I don't do cocaine.

He said, You know, these questions don't work if you don't tell the truth. And I said, I don't do cocaine, and he said, I've seen your work, yes, and I'm like, I don't.

I've never done it in my life, it's just weird, I don't know, I'm all fucked up. Let's get into it.

My guest today is a talented actress, writer, and director who starred as Ann Perkins in Parks and Recreation. Now you can see her in the new Apple TV Plus series, Sunny. I'm very excited that she's here today, I adore her.

Rashida Jones, welcome the last time we talked to you and it's no secret I adore you. And you were on Zoom because it was during Covid times, which we now know was a hoax.

Please Sona, what were they injecting into our arms? Sona, please, sona, Sona, please.

You're in America now, okay, we have science here, but you were over Zoom. And this is one of the things I love doing the podcast. But if I'm talking to someone over Zoom who I don't care that much about, I'm okay with it. Sometimes I even prefer it. But Rashida Jones, No.

That cannot happen, that will never happen again.

We've talked about this, but I have a brother, Neil, who always will be watching TV. And he'll always point out a part of. Like, there'll be a woman on the news talking and he'll be like, the nape of her neck is just quite lovely. Ew. ew, Neil, the nape of a neck, No.

Who finds other parts where the wrist meets the ulna bone? What, what are you talking about? It's very creamy right there.

I like that, so nice to have you here.

I was telling you a story about someone I used to know who would. Literally. If they were thinking that someone was sending them bad energy, they would break up the field in front of their face and toss the bad energy away. While you were talking to them, it looked like they were grabbing a gnat out of the air, shaking it like dice and tossing it to the side. And this was, you know, when I first came out to L..A.

And I was meeting actors, actresses and people would do things like that, and I was telling you and you were like, I kind of get it.

But I do think, if you're going to believe in science, I mean energy exchange of energy molecules, it's happening all the time. I mean, it's basic physics, like, doesn't it? I don't know about somebody's boyfriend interfering with your line of vision, but I do think that, like, there's vibes.

I believe in vibes.

The boyfriend was not present, right? No, the boyfriend was like, he was right here.

No, oh, he wasn't. No, no, no, yeah, the boyfriend came out of a manhole.

No, this was someone who was just talking to me. And then suddenly interrupted and gathered up the bad forces and tossed them to the side. And I was a little surprised. And then she said, Oh, I think I'm getting some bad energy from my ex-boyfriend who was like in Portland, who were in L..A. And so I thought, Okay, I'm from Boston. We cover our faces when someone's actually punching us in the face.

You know, like that's what we reserve that for, which happens a lot.

I think that all that stuff works. What's the evil eye?

I know also, just before we went on mic, I was mentioning a good friend of mine for a long time, Lisa Kudrow. And I'm told that you did her show, which is, Who do you think you are? Yeah, I did it and had not a great experience, not anyone's fault.

And Lisa was like, Don't be ridiculous, you're being crazy. No, no, look at you, self-deprecating. CONAN No, no, no.

So they took my saliva and they ran it through the machines and I heard nothing for like, six months, to the point where I called Lisa.

And then I was just related to Rocks.

Not even Stonehenge, though. That is fascinating, though, and not good rocks, rocks are like....

That's right, and this is a terrible insult to my brothers and sisters, who are lovely people. But I willed myself into being they had to be born, right. Does that make any sense?

What are you calling yourself like a Christ figure? Yes, no, they were born of my mother.

But I just.

You were born of rocks.

Of rock born, two mossy rocks hit each other, and then there was like some weird friction and then just this angry energy.

You are describing your sex life. Two mossy rocks. Oh my god, don't get me, don't get me all excited.

Oh my god, I just watch Mossy Rock videos all the time.

Mossy rocks rubbing up against each other and I get all.

But what did you find out?

I don't know if I'd ever do that now, right? That sounds like a lot to ask, right? So I packed some clothes.

We went to Ireland, we started in New York, then we went to Ireland, and then I ended up in Latvia, which is where my family's from. And we kind of never....

Like, we have kind of on our like, enslaved side, we have like some stuff with owners and they had babies. And so we have like a lot of like royalty and American presidents in our lineage from that side.

It was like the Russian Empire, and that's as much as we knew, but we also suspected. My mom's mom's maiden name was Benson, and we thought she changed it because she's Jewish. And we thought she just was like, trying to fit in to, like, New World America. When they moved here, turns out we're Benson's forever and ever and ever.

So it just goes, like, and then that's it, that's the only lineage left is there. And I I mean, it was shocking. My mom came with me, which was kind of amazing. And it was the first time in my life that I was like, Oh, I have to have a kid.

I was, it was like, made me want to have a kid because I felt some huge imperative, some responsibility. Being like, Black and Jewish. Like, I'm barely here, you know, there's so many reasons not for me to not be here, and I'm here. And it felt like I had to, you know, continue that lineage, like.

I felt like a strong pull from the ancestors. Talk about energy.

Take the lip shits plunge, I did.

You had this interesting experience, like, because you're, you're growing up, and obviously your dad. Quincy Jones, uh, this powerhouse, uh in the music industry legendary person. And then your mom had been this, you know, incredibly iconic figure. Who then stepped out and said, I'm stepping away from this world. Yeah, uh, very consciously, yeah.

And were you aware that, like, Oh, I'm just what my mom was doing before, you know, when you were?

So I think it just was not, did not suit her. She was like, No, whoa, no. And then when she fell in love with my dad. I think it like, contextualized her life in a way where she was like, Oh, this is what I want. It's like a family and a home, and, you know, good friends and to keep things small like this. She wasn't that person who was like, seeking everybody else's approval and attention all the time, you know?

I remember when she came to Twin Peaks, it was like a huge deal. Yeah, because she came back, she came back.

She was amazing, yeah, looked just, I mean, incredible, and she was back and I don't know where you would have been at that point.

You still would have been a kid.

And I remember her being so young, and I'm like, But why don't I feel as young as the way I perceived her to be? She probably didn't, she probably felt tired, just like me.

But yeah, it's mind-blowing to think that that's where she was in her life. And she had two teenage kids. And was like, let me go back to this thing, you know, anyway, everybody makes life choices, and then you end up sort of in the same place, I guess.

And when the pilot episode ended, everybody's face fell off. Who was watching it?

So Lauren, or Jim Downey, was always saying, just put the costume on Conan and just have him. So I'm standing there, I don't think I even have a line. I'm just holding on to. Chris Farley in the background of this Twin Peaks sketch. But it changed everything.

But TV was a certain thing, and then this show came and you saw what a TV show could be. Yeah, how weird it could be.

I would check my bed every night my mom is on the show, I know it's fake. I saw him, I remember going to set and seeing him walk by on set, and it felt like everything slowed down when he walked by.

And then eventually, by the way, in my 20s, when I went to the premiere of the movie Fire Walk With Me, I saw Bob still don't know his real name. Something Silva. I went to go introduce myself because I was like, This is ridiculous, I'm an adult, I need to get over it. And he was so nice.

By the way, I was under there, you were right to be scared.

But it's like, it's David Lynch TV, which is not like any other TV.

I mean, I know there are still shows where you have to wait, but this was quite uncommon at the time. And all of us, it's all any of us thought about. I was living in New York and watching Twin Peaks.

But I think one of the coolest parts in that documentary that just blows my mind is. When Frank Sinatra is on some TV show. And he calls you had the footage? He calls your dad out and says, By the way, this is the best arranger, producer, music genius I know, let's get him out here.

QuINCY Jones And I thought, Just such a stunning moment, yeah.

And and also it's in the documentary. But there was so much racism at the time and Frank had a lot of power and he used it to change things. Because they wouldn't let the band stay at the casinos they were playing at, and he was like, I'm not playing, my band's not staying here, I'm not playing, yeah.

Did you study religion in college?

Um, but then I was like, really into Buddhism, I, I was in a church choir. I was kind of all over the place. I just liked the ritual of religion, I thought was really cool.

That was such an unconvincing No.

At one point we were canceled, and then the president of NBC got off the plane and changed his mind. He was like, Eh, don't cancel it yet, I guess.

Yes, I do.

But the whole time we were just kind of like holding on for dear life, like hoping we got to do more. Which is probably part of why it was so good, right? Because we, there was no, there was no, like stardom, we, it wasn't infiltrated by any outside, you know, feelings about us.

Like, people kind of liked us if they knew who we were, and besides that, we just like, had fun together, you know, and it is. It's nice the rewriting, but I'm like, but I need people to understand. Because I think it's sort of like, it's kind of iconic now. It's like one of those like great comedies of that time, which is so awesome. But we didn't feel that way.

And actually, like, I think it was five years ago. We went to the Dolby and we did a 10th year, a 10th anniversary thing where we all came out. The whole cast and the reception was so it was. I felt like the Beatles, like it was so nuts. People were screaming so loud, we were all crying because we could. We had never been in a room where anybody cared, we were there as a crew, you know what I mean?

Like, together, it was so wild.

And they did such a smart sketch show that, in so many ways, was so much more. It had all these levels that SNL could never have, SNL was great, but then there was a show that could get to all these different levels. So they did a reunion and I'm a huge SCTV fanatic, so they asked me to do it. And this is back in the 90s.

And they asked me to go to Aspen, and so I'm there with all these people that I had never met before. I go out on stage with them and I start interviewing them and we start showing clips. And there's this giant crowd there that's just exploding with laughter and they're all looking at each other. And they said, We've never seen people laugh at this.

Right, because they made it, it was a show that didn't have a studio audience, they made it, they constructed it.

Right, and then they put it on TV, right? And there are all these people that revered it, but I don't think they knew that, right.

So they had that same feeling and it was just I was. I think, you know, I don't tear up easy. But I was very emotional that they were having what they should have had, you know, at the beginning.

And that's kind of that's the reason to do it, you know, yeah.

But that's not our job. Right, right? This is the Buddhist side of me now, yes.

Our job is just to like.

That's good you went into podcasting. I'm sorry, actually. actually, yeah.

No, to me, it's about money, and more specifically real estate, oh God, because real estate can always be converted into cash. You know, you have a guest to talk to, right? Who's here?

RasHIDA JONES Oh shit, I love her, she's fantastic. Just turn 15 degrees.

Oh, Rashida, so you have property, right?

You're putting some of it into property.

Yeah, fucking property, yeah, Florida. Not a good idea.

Yeah, and just make that your life, make that your environment.

Mike Schur, who, you know, I was friends with since freshman year, he can, you know, although he. He made it really hard to get both parts on the office and parts of REC. I wish I didn't have a friend on the inside.

Mike's the best, Mike's the best.

Like, he can kind of understand the fullness of me in a way that I think is nice and it does help. It did help me. But yes, I like to be surrounded by funny people. I often play the straight guy, that's okay.

I don't mind.

It was, you know, it's just the straight person really was the person who was in charge of the whole act and made it all work. Because of their reactions. And then the other, the wacky person, was often less valued, right? Interesting things have changed.

To me, it's huge, though, how much being a good, straight person is absolutely crucial.

SUNNY It's a fascinating idea. Do you want to lay out the idea?

I don't think anyone sent it to you, Sona, and I watched the whole thing. Did you? No, no, they're kidding.

I'll send it to you guys if there's a tape that I'm allowed to watch, and I say tape to show how old I am.

And so they got me, these people who did not really speak English. And so I started confronting my quote father about issues that I have with my real father, and guess what, it helped.

I had all this closure.

And the mother says in Japanese, not understanding that, we can translate all this and put it under the screen. He's making jokes, just laugh, and she says, but I don't get them, and the wife says, it doesn't matter.

I'm a robot, I was hired just to do this for him.

Yeah, well, I screwed up somewhere. I actually think perversely, I like the other, I like.-.

But yeah, this, I mean, this is expressly weird, because once the robot shows up, my life gets really dangerous. And like, people want things for me and I don't know what, and I'm not even sure I can trust her. So, like, that's the other thing is like, you know, we're talking about AI and the imperfections of AI. Like you can train something to be, become sentient, to grow and learn really fast, but then what, like, what does she does?

She have her own thing that she wants to do, that, I don't know, might put me in danger.

And I like to me, it's it's hilarious, ironic that I think AI was created at the pace and the the sort of compulsion that it was. Because the people who make it are so obsessed with what it means to be human that they're trying to replicate it somewhere else. So that to me is like, oh, oh, like, we're. It's like, we're kind of missing the point, which is like, instead of, like, really drilling down on that with each other. We're just like, you know, you know, training and creating, you know, data sets and stuff somewhere else. Yes, so that we can, I don't know, like, know more about ourselves. It doesn't really make that much sense to me, but it's here.

I think there's obviously going to be tons of applications that are positive and tons that are tons that are negative. I mean, look at the internet, I'm, I'm, I'm sort of like a luddite in that way. Like, I think there's so much destruction that's come from social media. Mainly the monetization of behavior. And like the. The meddling with the way people interact with each other, I think is so dangerous because we're so susceptible.

We are built to be susceptible, you know? We want to connect with each other so badly that we'll kind of believe anything to do it. So I think AI could potentially do that to us, too. But I will say, like, working with this little robot, or like. Even when I did the Muppet movie like, it was so quickly that I was like having full conversations with Fozzie and not not the puppet performer. Like, it's very, very quickly you start to believe these things have a soul, you know, like a voice and an expression, and a couple of little like, you know, head tilts. And like a touch of your wrist. And all of a sudden you're like, Oh, you're so sweet and I care for you.

It's here, so then it's a challenge to artists everywhere to push beyond that. Might sound like naive, but I always think, when you know, this analogy, I think has been made by other people. But when photography came along, and I mean, it was a big thing for anyone who painted to make portraits, that was like that was a huge piece of the revenue. And suddenly they're like, we're good, and so then we get all this impressionism, expressionism, cubism.

It's just always the job of humans, if the technology challenges us for us to rise above. That's where I am.

They're just like, awesome, let me take that and extrapolate and interpolate and like, you know, do a bunch of stuff with it. So it is going to be one of those things like, we're going to have to become friends with it. Because it's going to be how we have to make what we make, and hopefully better. I don't know.

No, no, no, no.

You'll see what I know.

Oh, Melisandre, Melisandre, Melisandre. Where? Once you leave, I retreat to another room and I, and suddenly I just, and I have low-hanging what we call dugs, that's a shrill, a low-hanging, what?

A low-hanging. That's what she Melisandre on Game of Thrones when she was, She's beautiful, and then she takes off. Who's Queen? Who's calling them Dugs? Who's Dugs?

Don't look at me, don't look at me, I'm not in this with you, like the poets.

Back the classic poets.

Look it up. Just talking about people's dugs, this is like, I'm going to say, either T.s Eliot or one of the Great poets. Yes, it's a term for an old woman's man with wrinkled dugs.

Yes, wow, it means like a man or a woman with breasts.

And then you're cool.

Stop saying shriveled dugs, shriveled dugs. Anyway, what I'm going to say is that I think we have found. They found a way to game humans, and they realized that humans naturally are attracted to and compelled by conflict.

I think we kind of always knew that, which is why we like movies where things blow up and there's a bad guy and a good guy. But they've gone hyper with it. So that everything, including the news, has to be people shouting at each other, all reality shows have to be people shouting at each other, there has to be. If we were doing this right, I'd constantly be angry at Matt.

Matt would constantly be angry at me. Well, I know, but you wouldn't. You are, but you have to tamp it down. But I guess my point is, that's the part where I think I've seen it. In fact, comedy, where a lot of comedians, they just want to say things that piss people off. Or they want to rail against this or rail against that.

And I think that can be fine until we're losing our sense of like. Is this funny? Is this something that makes me laugh?

I'm in trouble, the world's going to end all day long, every day. So you become so desensitized when you're actually supposed to care about something, and something's a real conflict. It's very strange. And also that it's all intentional that the people who are building these platforms know that, and they're buying into it, and they want to modify our behavior.

They want us to keep coming back and engaging, and the way to do that is to keep us in conflict. Everybody's mad at each other right now, they should be mad at the people who built these platforms. To me, this is not what free speech and technology can do at its best.

I know everybody's like, but we're connected, are we?

Can we have some? No, I bought land with it, oh man land.

I have all of Connecticut, really, and then underwater, I own everything underwater. You know, you don't pay us for this, right? What's that?

We don't get paid for this. Oh, I know it's a volunteer thing.

I got nothing else. It's an Apple TV Plus series called Sunny, and I have not seen it yet. I can't wait to see it because it's a very cool idea. But also, I'm just, I said it before, I'll say it again.

I adore you, you are so funny, you're so smart, you're Jesus Christ.

I'm not accepting that title.

Ruining things kind of rose from the dead when you think about it. I had a bad cold last week, now I'm fine anyway, please.

I've loved having you here and please come back anytime I would love to, and you're also in the neighborhood, so come by sometime and have lunch with us.

And you'll pay, I guess.

Awesome, and I'm all hooked up there, meaning if I go there and I wait long enough, they let me in.

I'm sorry, I'm trying to have a human moment. Yeah, don't, you're not good at those. The room's in an uproar right now. Eduardo, will you explain what you were saying?

Yeah, so I recently went to Vegas and I was at the craps table. Do you have a problem or anything? No, no, would you like one? No? But this is one of your regular activities.

Is you go to Vegas and you play craps? I wish I did it a little more regular, but yes, I do like to roll a die.

Anyway, so I'm sitting there. And if you're there long enough, you get to talk to the dealers. If you have a big enough problem, you get to talk to the dealers. Are they dealers or are they croupiers? They're dealers? The person sitting at the center is called the Stick man.

Insert joke No, I'm not going to do a joke about that. a dick joke. No, no, I would never do that. No, no.

Although in high school they called me the stick man, Okay, there you go. No, because I had a stick shift car, my penis was nothing like a stick.

It's all smushed, more like a leaf. Come on, no, it's like a crushed peanut shell.

Anyway, let's get on with it anyway. So chitchatting with one of the dealers, you know what, they love it when people come and just chitchat with them.

They must love you. Yeah, he was a cool, cool dude, okay, anyways. So he ended up asking me what I do for a living, and I said, I work in podcasting.

And then he goes, Oh, do you work on any funny ones? and I said, Yeah, I work on Conan. O'Brien needs a friend. He goes, Conan, I love Sona.

CONAN I love Sona, you know what? I'm happy for you, Sona, No, you're not I am.

No, I really am. I could see it in your face. You're thinking of something right now. No, I'm not. Something's bubbling.

No, I'm happy for you. I'm happy that you finally got a win, you finally got a w, finally got a win. But no, so anyway, that's nice.

I like it, that's nice that people are out there listening. Yeah, I thought it was cool, which led me to my next point. Speaking of the W, exactly.

So at the win. SiriusXM has just acquired a studio there. And I thought it would be a good exercise for us to take a little field trip and maybe check out the studio, do a trip to Vegas, record an episode or two of Conan O'Brien needs a friend. There's plenty of acts on the strip that I'm sure you can talk to anyone about. Carrot top.

I would love Jeff Dunham, we could get Jeff Dunham. Can we please go and take you guys to a club and then record it? Please? At a table? What do you mean? I want a table?

What kind of club? what do you mean? what kind of club? what kind of club? Just say it, a strip club.

Not a strip club, no, like a one where they get dressed, yes.

It starts they play sexy music and people come in moderately dressed. They're dressed for late summer, and then as the music plays, they put on more and more clothing until they're wearing several parkas. Yeah, it's decidedly unsexy music, No, the music they play is take some sugar off me, Oh my god.

Take some sugar off me, you know what? On second thought, I just heard that all the clubs are closed. No, you don't want to party with these two guys. Listen, so anyway, Sona and Eduardo, I want to give you guys, I want to give them a little rope to let this play out.

Huh, so what you're saying is if I get this right? We go to the wind, they have a SiriusXM studio there, and maybe we do an episode or two of Conan. O'Brien needs a friend from the wind right right now. The idea, I'm guessing, what interests you about this is you get to hang and shut up your favorite. I'm looking for a free stay at Vegas.

But I remember this very clearly from the early years of my dealings with Sona. She would come back from a weekend and she looked bedraggled.

Bedraggled. And I would say, what's up? And you said, me and my crew, you and your gang, and you said, we did a Vegas U-turn, right? And explain what a U-turn is.

A U-turn I think we've talked about this before. a U-turn is in the beginning of the evening. You and your friends or not in the evening. But you drive to Vegas, you don't have a hotel or anything. You party all night and then in the morning, you know, you get like, some Denny's or whatever, and then you just drive back. I think what I remember as a detail is that you changed clothing in a car, in a parking lot, in a parking lot.

In a parking structure, parking structure. Okay, oh, an aristocrat. Oh, I see, we went to one of those clubs you were talking about.

Fancy, eh? Where we go, we change into our clothes. But what I'm saying is this would not be a U-turn. I know that we've discussed that before. You can't handle a U-turn.

I can handle a U-turn, you cannot handle a U-turn. Oh, I did listen, you forget that I come from humble Means. I drove out in a shitty car with Greg and Rob Lesebnik and we went and Rodman and we went to Vegas.

This is back in the mid-80s, I did not know this. We stayed in the Old Vegas, where literally the buildings were built in, like the 40s. Yeah, those are all gone.

Yeah, this was back in the day. Anywho. I remembered saying, someone needs to tear all this down and I said that to the owners, Oh, okay, I don't know.

I don't know what to think about this, I don't know do we get good people to come on the podcast? Yeah, of course, in Vegas.

Yeah, yeah, I think I mean, Adele is there, right? Bruno Mars has me, Bruno Mars is there.

I mean, that's fun. What about them Thunder from Down Under guys? I've seen that.

There's the sphere, that new venue, the sphere, oh, you know what would be so funny us doing this in the sphere? And so it's just all these insane projections all around us in three dimensions and holograms.

And we're just sitting here, going. Yeah, I don't know, that guy's a big dick. I'd love to do a clueless gamer in the sphere and see you just eat shit. You can't turn left, I can't turn left.

I'm sitting there with some nerd. No, I don't know. I have to say Vegas is not. you could say Vegas is my kryptonite, meaning there's not. I don't gamble.

It's not like, I just want to hit a bar.

It's not a lot of stuff that I like to do now. To be fair, I've never seen a show in Vegas. Let me also say the culinary experience is different. Now, it's true.

If you love to eat, there's great restaurants. Oh, I've heard that it's a big foodie town now. Aren't their cocktails all a little like just Dayglo?

No, some of the best cocktails now you would appreciate it. You don't have to get mad at me. Wait a minute, I'm suspicious.

I've never seen Eduardo this animated about anything, and that includes the time we talked about soccer, or as he calls it, football. I've given him a signed messy jersey and he was excited, but he's more excited.

Yeah, we can go to the win. Vegas has it all. And I'm thinking he's getting paid. Do you get the feeling he's in great debt and he has to actually get you there to save his ass? I think that his nice chat with the Craps guy was more or less the guy saying, like, Hey, Tony, get over here.

Yeah, let me see your fingers. We've got to break this guy's legs. And he went, Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys guys, I know Conan, I know Conan.

Do you know Sona? Yeah, I know Sona.

All right, all right. So we know, Sona, what are you going to do? what are you going to do?

But then Sona comes in, and hey, would Sona do well? would she play one of the big rooms? Oh, you bet she would.

All right, help her brother out. All right, all right. Oh my god. This is the second, by the way, Vegas employee that is a big fan of yours.

This is your place. Yeah, like the waiter that I had when I went, and now this guy, you've got two people in Vegas. Yes, two people in Vegas.

Listen, Eduardo, I don't want you to get killed. I don't think they would kill you. I do think they'd smash your fingers and your legs. That's fair, and so we'll help you out.

We'll get to Vegas great, I do think it's fun. OK, Well, I know you're going to have a good time.

And also maybe a little break from the kids. If you know what I mean, what do you mean? I mean, you've made it very clear that you love your children, love them, but they're destroying you.

Oh, yeah, and maybe hate them at the same time. Yeah, that's called parenthood. So 24 36 hours in Vegas, Yes, I'm in.

Massages. Can we do a U-turn tonight? Eduardo, I think, is the one who's in charge. Yeah, it kind of needs to happen.

All right, it's a done deal, we'll go to Vegas, I'll figure it out.

Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien. Sonam Mufsesian and Matt Gourley Produced by Me Matt Gourley executive produced by Adam Sachs. Nick Liao and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song by the White Stripes.

Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino Take it away, Jimmy.