#663 - DR. PHIL (ADAM RAY) + AKAASH SINGH

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You guys ready to start tonight's episode, or what?

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Akash singing, dr. Bill.

He is dr. Phil, dr. Phil, dr. Phil. He goes by dr.

Phil.

Oh Yeah, oh Yeah.

He's back in the flesh for the first time since New Year's Eve.

Feeling good. Dr. Phil starting his own network, running a media empire. a lot going on. We've missed you since New Year's Eve.

What's going on? Well, he's quarters gave me HPV a couple weeks ago just by hugging him, so Yes, we'll figure that out. It was a magical, magical two nights in an arena. You got a guest of the year Awarded by another imposter. Dr.

Phil, who sent in a video? Gifting you guest of the year. That was weird. It's a great time I haven't been that fired up since cool runnings came out on DVD.

Raise your hand if you've seen cool runnings. raise your hand if you've never seen a black person.

Had to There. it is the way D madness raises his hand is very suspicious, by the way, I don't know if you guys noticed that you might need a little coaching on that day. Yeah, you got any sound effects for the weird salute You don't have to, by the way, no. Oh, yeah, he does not. Akash Singh has a brand new special on YouTube gaslit Akash Singh comedy on YouTube, the one-hour special.

Akash and I have been doing stand-up together for 17 years. We used to do and Adam, we used to all do fucking coffee shops, juicy places or a smoothie places, not juicy places, Juicy. we used to do juicy places to have been a juicy couture. Oh, yeah, story. Yeah, we basically have done all of the worst gigs you can imagine, and here we are now sold out MSG twice.

Give it up for this man right here. Fuck. Yeah, go, Fuck. Yeah. One of the Kings in New York landed there 9 11 20.

We're gonna have a lot of fun tonight. you guys have both done the show multiple times. Another special announcement tonight 259 people.

259 I could be a record. I'm not exactly sure. I don't think we've ever actually kept count, but 259 and crowded in a bar across the street right now, hoping that one of the young Buck producers runs over there and yells their name. then they get held backstage until it is their time. I'm gonna pre pull a name now, a very Lucky name, and while they are wrangling that person, we will get the show started, you know how it works.

They get 60 seconds and time is up and you're the sound of a kitten. That means they have to fucking. how do you fuck this up? How? why are you hitting other buttons before that fucking thing?

Unbelievable God, you have the easiest job on planet Earth. It's a fucking the kitten button, the same soundboard that you've been hitting for 11 fucking years. Here, at 60 seconds, you hear the sound of a kitten. Wow, Impressive. That means you have to wrap it up then, or else you bring out the angry West Hollywood bear.

There it is, and then I interview them and we find out more about them, and I'm excited. Tony. Dr. Phil, the guest of the year 2023, is here. Hey, You guys made it easier.

the best comedy fans in the motherfucking world. I'll just say that much right now, and you fucking know what it is.

Okay, We excited. what are you smoking right now, player? Just tooting on a cigar, Just chewing on a cigar. Aren't you supposed to smoke it? They won't let you.

well, not with that attitude. Yeah, you got to fucking believe in yourself. Ladies and gentlemen, getting tonight's show started with a brand new minute. one of our new Regulars on the show an absolute phenom. He's in tight quarters on this show.

But if you ever see this guy on a big stage doing stand-up, It is a sight to see. but this right now is a brand new minute from our very own Casey rocket.

Oh, yeah,

All right, Very good. Sorry. I'm late, guys. Please caught me playing rollercoaster tycoon again, Fucked up. part is, I don't have a computer.

All right, six people died. All right. Hell yeah, very cool. Sorry to the victims. All right, we're doing good.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's been a tough week. I'm such a little brat. My parents tried to send me to adult military school recently, so, aka the Coast Guard, all right, This is a Navy crowd. All right.

Hell. Yeah, I love that.

Got myself on that one. I.

Had a lot of crazy friends growing up my best friend. his name was Mark McKinney and he used to take a bunch of Adderall and play Red Dead Redemption and he would just skin horses for like nine hours And I would just watch him save the pelts, big boy, and Don't leave it there. Thank you. I'm Casey rocket. All right.

The wild World of Casey rocket has graced us yet again. Casey, another brand new minute. You look fantastic tonight. This is a new look for you. Just trying to dress up.

Thank you guys so much.

An absolutely adorable bundle of charisma. you are the ultra likable Casey rocket, dr Phil, you ever seen anything quite like a Casey rocket? No, this is my first time seeing it live. You're dressed like Fozzie Bears agent, but I love your. But your energy is palpable.

I don't know. Are you on anything? or is this just all a zest for life, zest for life? I was in small claims court for the rollercoaster thing. Yeah, Well, I don't think anybody in here doesn't believe that.

Are you big rollercoaster guy, Casey? I built a whole park in it. Yeah, it collapsed. It's trying to save money. I used aluminum.

Red band redeemed himself. Yeah, red band Redemption. There we go, come on now. look, I was there. that's what it is.

Very good. Fantastic Casey. I noticed you came out with a briefcase tonight. Yeah, well, okay. I, We talked about it if you weren't here.

last week, I've been a receptionist for the law offices of Tarlow and Tarlow for shout out, shout out Tarlow and Tarlow, and They were kind enough to represent me during my civil case, so that I didn't have anywhere to put this. This is what I brought to court.

This is kind of embarrassing. I guess I could show you a couple things that were in it. Oh, that'd be great. Okay, so these are just stuff that was gonna help my case.

Perfect red band. This is stuff. I was small claims court. It was like five or six million, and So they said bring some stuff that you think would help with your case. So I brought a shower cap and.

Blu-ray of Shutter Island, Wow.

If you're not much of a reader, paperback of Shutter Island, Wow.

I've got some. let's see. I got some headshots. These are kind of nice.

Looking kind of handsome. Big-boy LaCroix. big-boy LaCroix. Oh my god, Your honor. could your honor?

you really think I could do something like that?

That's what I thought. that does not look like the face of a man that would build a theme park out of a loon. That's what I said. You could tell they didn't believe me. a headshot of character actor John Hawks.

Oh, I don't know if that was gonna help. It was kind of like an alternative suspect thing. It's like no one knows where John Hawks was when it happened. They didn't really buy it. There's a bunch of fucking Cassettes, there's a heart cassette That Paul Simon.

Ah, Is that the sound? Johnny Cash? It's mostly cassettes in here. I think I see the soundtrack to Shutter Island in there. That's absolutely right.

It's funny. You bring that up, Garth Brooks.

Famed Soundtrack to Shutter Island, director Scott. Wow Was. yeah, I think that was rodeo was the song they played over the the beginning track. Wow, This is just some stuff that I've been kicking around in court lately. So I Love it.

Have you thought about taking a gel blaster into the courtroom with you? Gel blaster? you say yeah, actually, I have. Gel blaster is actually one of the better things to take into court. Huh?

It's funny. You bring that up, gel, huh? Let's follow me here.

May I May I present to you the riff attorney, gel gel blaster. This is how I would defend it, ladies and gentlemen of the court gel blaster. blue aster aster re aster. hereditary hereditary Terry P Terry's burger burger.

Oh, come on, give me time, damn it.

Er ger ger scary cow, not cow cow. Ow hurt. Has anyone been hurt by my client here?

Very cool. You have the craziest brain I've ever heard of. you are great at what you do. Thank you, and no one else does that. That is for sure the riff attorney.

Can you imagine being in a? you know, in a court a lot here and an attorney? go burger, burger, you know what I mean? Main case closed your honor.

Burger. that's my new screen name on Xbox Live.

Incredible, always putting on a big show, always with some fun things. I cannot wait to see what you do at the LA forum. And, of course, Madison Square Garden. Wow.

They're not ready. Oh, yeah, I'm excited about the future with the green Casey rocket. Thank you guys, so fun.

Gentlemen, and so it has begun.

Casey showing us What a wild Minute looks like He's. those guys have to do it every week. Not easy. Oh, wow. Look, it's a lovely Heidi everybody.

Make some noise for Heidi, everyone a.

Little something for the incels on YouTube right now.

And so we move on to the bucket. you guys know how this works. this is where anything can happen. This is where we find great talent. It's also where we, Where we meet crazy people some of them don't prepare.

we find out everything we can about them. You guys get it. Let's get it started. your first bucket, full of the night, goes by the name of Brett O'Brien everybody. Here.

we go 60 seconds from Brett O'Brien.

I was watching that show, my 600-pound life, and Before the lady got on the scale to weigh herself, She took off her shoes.

Like. that's the issue.

Your Crocs.

I'm pretty sure it's your moose heart.

Then her dog started chewing on her shoes. she was like damn it, biscuit.

I was gonna eat that.

No, actually, I weighed myself after sex the other day and I was heavier, Which I thought was strange. I'm like, there's no way. there's half a pound to come in my ass right now.

Wow, a great set 59 seconds on the dot for Brett O'Brien. Fantastic, my friend. you've been on this show before, yep, but it has not gone that well before, not that we're getting better, getting better. How long you been on stand-up now? Almost five years, almost five years, and how long have you been in Austin?

like almost three? Okay, where were you doing it before that? Dallas, that's right. Yeah, you are. so you're getting better here in Austin, You doing a lot of spots, try and do a lot of spots, grinding, you know, uh-huh, Absolutely, what do you do for a living?

again? I'm in a software sales. Okay. Yeah, ladies. Yeah.

Yeah, that checks out, dr. Phil, what do you think about this guy? Well, your name's Brent Brett. All right, take it easy.

Fucking Christ, trying to get to know you, Brent Brett, Brett Brett, you hit the comedy trifecta. topics for me. Okay, fat jokes, chick cum jokes. Got him Dog joke. you nailed it.

Uh, which one did you write first? cuz you came out swinging, really funny, great timing, misdirection. Did you write? are you like a cum joke guy first, or is it like? did you have to come in your butt?

And then the joke came. Yeah, Yeah, I've always what I'm trying to ask. Yeah, comments always been at the heart of my acts. For real, Jeff, a plethora of cum jokes. Topic, not as much as I would like.

Have you ever come inside of a fat dog? Good question, Tony. How's that for a trifecta? Dr. Phil?

Save it for the. save it for the roast in Los Angeles. Oh, no, there's no rose. There's no rose. I'm on the air right now if there was one.

Specifically said don't mention the fucking road. Okay, comes up. He's doing the dr. Phil rose. Sorry, surprise, I'm doing a roast of dr.

Phil in LA. who's gonna fucking go. raise your hand. I'll give you a free ticket tonight.

And I admit, can I plug that that would be an honor, okay, great, I'm doing it. Yeah, well, you were already on it. You told me. Oh, yeah, okay.

Improv here we go.

And here we go. You got a sound effect to save this shit right now, right? Right, maybe a fucking cat. That's not a cat.

So, Brett, When's the last time you were on the show? How long ago was that about? It was a year ago, with Adam Ray or with yeah, Adam Ray, yeah. And so how's your life changed in the past year? What are some things that you're doing with your life other than stand-up comedy?

What has changed? Well, I interviewed for a promotion the other day. I bombed the interview.

Yeah, shitty life twice. yeah, Yeah, we're one failed interview closer.

So You know, yeah, do you work again a software company? That's right. Was there a name? It's called ninja one. Oh, Ninja one.

Yes. Is it run by an Asian guy? It's not ran by an Asian guy. We just look up to him. a lot.

Okay, and what do you do for them that you're trying to get promoted? I, I do cold calls. Okay. Yeah. Wow, Can you give us an example of what a cold call from you sounds like?

sure thing? My phone's ringing. Hello. Hey, it's a Brett with ninja one. What are you?

Why do you sound like you're outside of my window, right?

Scared. yes, how can I help you? What, then? What's a ninja one? ninja one?

What? Yes. No, It's getting scarier. I'll call you back. I'm sorry.

I had you on speakerphone the whole time. Can I try? Can I try? Yeah. Yeah.

Can I try one? Yeah, here you go, It's ringing. What's up, Phil? Hey, hey, doc. It's Brett with ninja one.

Oh, what's up, Brett? Yeah, you called last night, but I told you to fuck off. What's up?

You still got buckets of cum in your butt. what's going on and seen? see you, Mitch.

It's a hot lead for me, so you're trying to get a promotion. what else? what do you do for fun, Brett? you Very, very, very dark Dahmer. energies to you.

You're right on to that microphone, like you're strangling a wall.

I Frequent rainy at night, you know, looking for.

No, I'm just kidding

No, what I do for fun. I play golf, I go out and drink at bars and Drink and normally go for you. You seem like the kind of guy that would close it up. close it up. Um, yeah, I lock the doors.

Funny, funny, no, it ends with me getting drunk, and Usually, that's about it. You get home. You think damn it, man. You blew it. You blew it.

No luck with the ladies. Um, I, my girlfriend dumped me like a month ago. What did you say? She dumped you? How did she dump you?

text in person, in person? How did she do that? Did she come to your place? You go to hers. you mean she came over.

What did she say exactly? Let's replay that phone call. Hand me the phone. Yeah.

It was in person, yeah.

Why'd you call me? I'm in the living room, yeah, Sorry, um, what's up? Yeah, fuck, wait, she broke up with him. So how did? yeah, Dr.

Phil, it really helped. I'm not good at improv.

Gives me a lot of material for the upcoming roasts of dr. Phil. I Can't wait for you to do it. It's a real thing. Stop laughing.

Trying to think Brett's trying to pour his heart out. so she broke up with you. Yes, She broke up with you. So are you guys sitting in the living room? No front door.

Just basically, she was on a mission. I Imagine you crack the door. What does she say exactly? I was I think we're gonna just hang out and she was like She came over with like a lot of my stuff. So I figured like that's uh, How long have you two been together?

I'm like two years. Okay. Yeah, with some stuff. And what did she say exactly? I need space.

I want to be on my own, that type of.

Right something about another guy soundboard.

Okay, and what did you say like what?

Yeah, I just said why. what did I? was it something I did, you know what I mean? she was like. no, you know the bullshit like.

I just want to be by myself, because she, I Graduated in 21 and she graduated like two years later. so she's still with her family and, like I, was trying to talking about moving together and she was like, I Don't not ready for that. Right? What's? what sort of stuff of yours?

Did she bring by like what? jackets, shoes? Artifacts of clothing. artifacts. Yeah, Artifacts of.

who describes clothes like that. Yeah, I don't know.

Articles of clothing articles. Yeah, that's a whole different, And our active clothing would be your King Tut mummy.

Yeah, she brought my old chalice. that's how I knew it was over.

Heavy. have you followed her on Facebook? Is she like seeing anybody? Have you, have you tried to stalk her? I mean, I know the answer to that, but have you tried?

Yeah, she's, she's. she's laying low, even under the radar. You think so? Pounded out by another guy right now, at this very moment, I'd hope I'd like to hope not That it made you funnier. There's a thing in comedy where a lot of people say that heartbreak makes comedians funnier.

Did you write these, Joe, the 600-pound life joke? How old is that? Mmm, like six months. It's old. Okay.

How about the Oldest? full of cum. Yeah, I've been, I've been sitting on those.

They got over his breakup, I think.

Have you written any new jokes since the breakup? Um, let me think. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, why don't you try one? I don't understand why people are so afraid to die alone.

Because if you're not dying alone, you're dying with, like a group of people in a mass tragedy.

Think I'd much rather die alone.

Wow, a little more.

Did you get a little joke book last time you were on the show? No, I got big joke book and then secret show. I've been on this my fourth time, right? Yeah, I'd love to have you back on the secret show Thursday. Thank you.

There you go.

One door closes, another door opens. you can catch him at the secret show wearing artifacts of clothing and Like that, it moves on. we have another bucket pull. make some noise for Sherry Vesegi. ladies and gentlemen, Sherry Vesegi.

Oh.

There are no terrorist women. come on, did you forget two seconds ago, ghillie-lillie-lillie? that means Let me celebrate, you know, just don't do it in the airport.

Yeah, You know this idea of covering yourself up. in the Middle East it's called hijab and in Austin it's called a thong.

Yeah, let's keep Austin weird. Yeah, so my pronouns in the Middle East are one the house. I love him. Well, I want that, Which translates to shut the fuck up, bitch?

There's More? there's more, or I will stone you. I need some rocks. Where's Cam Patterson?

So, you know, as a, as a Middle Eastern, or whether I bomb or I am the bomb, it's a win-win. There you go. Sherry Vesegi, coming in hot.

the bomb-bomb part at the end a little bit, you know, a little bit easy for compared to the rest of your set, But it was fantastic. Sherry. How long you been doing stand-up this last time since last May. But I used to do stand-up years ago, a kosh. How does it feel to have your grandmother up here?

I Swear to God, I felt like my mom was out there. I got so happy. you see me smile. I have one question. when you came out and you said boo to the audience, you screamed at one guy boot.

Did you mean to say Jew? That's what I've been trying to figure. I think you misspoke. I think you missed a punch. I don't take sides.

You are something else. how long you been in America Since 78, before you were born. That is true. That is true. How old were you in 78??

13, okay, and where did you guys move? to? Northern California, I went to high school there, then went to school in Fresno State, and you've only been doing it for a year. Oh, I used to do stand-up from 97 to 2003, and then it was a little bit too messed up up here. So I needed to Step back and kind of clean up.

What do you mean by that? This is dr. Phil. he can help you. perhaps you've heard of dr.

Phil, because we're all a little messed up upstairs. You know, and I talked about that in my book. We've got issues.

We've all. we've all been knocked down and we're trying to get up again. who said that Jumbo-jumbo, you got it. You're never gonna keep him down. So, Sherry, when you're not dressing like a Sesame Street character, Do you have, do you have hobbies, how do you keep your head clean of negative thoughts?

I Meditate. I got therapy. Okay, classes. What kind of classes? spiritual classes like what?

Regression, past life, regression and stuff like that. Okay, so, it was all in the past. You've had some childhood trauma and whatnot. Yeah, it's all before your move to America, Probably when, when I was in my mom's womb. Yeah.

Oh, okay, your mom's womb. Yeah, right. How long have you been doing stand-up? Since last May? right, you just started, Kind of, but I used to do stand-up years ago in Iran.

No,

Okay, where the fuck did you start stand-up, Sherry in LA? in LA, great. Well, you're very funny. Thank you. Do you what?

what's your writing process like? I talked to myself During the day and then stuff downloads and I write it because her husband doesn't allow her to read or write, so she has to talk to herself.

That was funny.

That's cool, so.

So all your material comes from.

Wow, Tony, you might, you might get a spot on the secret show for that joke.

Oh wait, we can't any higher, cuz the ceilings are so high It's high enough for Sherry to fly a Boeing 747 into it.

So, Sherry, I love it. Are you married? No, you're single. You're just a fucking Iranian, fucking mountain cougar, just out here. I love it.

Well, you're sweet to the younger guys. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Is that what you like? How young we talking like Heath Cordis or like?

Or, like, you know, Gene Wilder?

By the way, I think you stole that jacket from.

I'm deflecting. I'm envious with me and you'll be.

Take a look and you'll see Iranian.

Dr.

Phil, Running it into the end zone 2023, reigning defending guest of the year. I think I think there's a lot of good stuff coming your way. You're, you're, you know, cuz it's a nerve-wracking thing to come up here. No part of you shaking. You're poised.

you fucking grab that mic you would. everybody was rooting for you right out of the gate. So, I don't know. I'm excited to see where you do have a natural stage presence. It is incredible for only a year.

It's unbelievable. Have you done other things on a stage before? performance wise? I did a little bit of acting when I was in LA, of course, and okay, were you in anything? We'd recognize?

perhaps one of the Al Qaeda terrorist videos? Maybe the mother of an Al Qaeda? Oh, you can play that. yeah, there's movies. there's a Hallmark movie waiting to happen.

I Love your style. it is absolutely incredible. so What else do you do for fun? What is a lady like Sherry? do?

I try to walk in the morning? guy. You're like to have a boyfriend. You're such a sweet little thing. You'd like to have a boyfriend.

Are you on any of the apps or anything like that? No, I don't like dating. I guess maybe that's the problem. So, like your last, like hangout or hookup. How long ago was that?

What was the situation there? You, and only You're a kosh.

Brown guys, only for me to recognize what the junk looks like. Yeah. Oh Hell, yeah, well, I'm not gonna take my penis out, but But I think you, I think, no, I think you know, it's one of those things like riding a bike. I think once you got back into it, you'd be like, I remember that there were two balls, you know.

Saggy, saggy. Oh, yeah. Now. What is your ideal guy, Brett? You said younger, but do you need like a physically fit guy, cuz some girls are into dad bods, right?

I like tall skinny.

white vegan.

Vegan. why is that part of the fucking? because I'm a vegan? Oh my goodness, You're going to find a full-grown vegan boy.

I Want someone better than me. you want someone what better than me? My standards are kind of. so let me ask you something, because you have it all together here, but it seems like you have to do a lot and You know a lot of different things to keep your mental health proper, which is a very common thing amongst funny people. Have you ever wins the last time you ate meat?

This last round about two years ago. And did that do anything to your brain? Did you feel better for a second there? Eating what you're supposed to eat as a human being on planet Earth? Boy, somebody listens to Joe Rogan, huh?

Listen.

He's right, though. meat is better. It helps your body. Okay, And I talked about that in chapter 11. meat Helps your body.

suck a cock from time to time and see what your see, what your brain comes up with. That's chapter 12 and 13.. I'm not completely off meat. Oh, so you'll eat some meat when, when I have a boyfriend.

Okay,

now that we're here, how do you start? you're in the bedroom. what's your first move? For real cuz, there might be a guy out there listening right now. It's like.

I need to know if Sherry means business. I need to know if heavy petting is involved, if anal is first base or third base. What? where do you like to start, Sherry? Take me through it.

We got time, a nice dinner. Yeah, I'm already out, so I think that there's. Yeah, you lost me at food and taking you for shit that I got to pay for. No, I'm joking. Oh, we have a guy.

we have a guy on the line right now that wants to say something. I, perhaps an eligible bachelor. Let's see what he has to say. I love hemp protein. It's one of my favorite proteins, for we sell it.

it on it. We sell hemp protein. How about that guy? He never calls in either. that was special.

The owner of the club, Joe Rogan, talking about how he loves hemp protein. Okay, Okay, not impressed. My guess is he's not tall enough for Sherry.

Well, Sherry, I just came out with these dr. Phil hoodies. You guys can get wherever dr. Phil hoodies are sold, which is only one spot. They say we'll be right back on the back, And I only I only give it to people that I connect with.

so I want you to put that on and just Live your best life.

Because, Because you know and and once you find that special someone, you use it to clean up the mess, you know. But but I like your mojo and I actually I'm truly Fired up to see where your comedy career goes, because you're fearless and that's what you need. player, I always say I love the different shapes and sizes and ages and the variety of people we get. you know all types of different artifacts of people that we get up here and.

I love, love, love, that you signed up for the show and came out with your explosive energy tonight. That was fantastic. Thank you, There's a big joke bug.

Very making me wish I was a little bit taller in it.

I love it. How loud can this place get, for the great sherry beset you? Thank you. Sherry, amazing.

Wow, Ladies and gentlemen, we have a special treat for you right now, a very, very special treat. Before, there were golden ticket winners on this show, you know, it still existed. the show started 11 years ago, and I think it was about Jeez. six, seven, eight years ago. We found this guy.

probably closer to seven or eight years ago. We pulled this man out of the bucket maybe longer. It was in the belly room. I remember that very clearly and he went on. he's been on to great success, Sells out theaters all around the fucking world.

He was originally just literally one of the best bucket pulls ever. from. way back in the day I told him you're gonna be a star. Nothing can stop you, and he's Nice enough to grace us with a brand new minute for the first time in absolute many years. Ladies and gentlemen, you know him from America's Got Talent, and so many other great things make some noise for the great preacher Lawson.

All right, All right, All right. All right. Thank you. Thank you. I think that women avoid eye contact with dudes, because if they look at us for like two seconds, We just assume they like us.

You have one second and you got to get out of the ladies. one, one thousand. go, save yourself, Cuz. in a man's brain, we like one, one thousand, two. You're like a dream come true.

That's what we think. You gotta go. It's so funny. if a woman looks at a man for two seconds, we like oh, she won't it. But if a man looks at another man for two seconds, we like you trying to fight bro For two seconds, unless they're gay, but you know if they're gay or not, because their chin is down, right?

You can tell that's the giveaway right there. same rules apply. one one thousand. Whoa. Hey, whoa, Whoa?

Yeah, I've never had a boyfriend in my life. I Don't even know why I told y'all that, but I haven't had one. I haven't Had a gay roommate one time. He didn't say he was gay, but I seen him on Grindr. He gave What you doing out here, man?

What you doing? That's the last time we playing twister. My name is pretty long.

Thanks for having me. This is awesome, man. I appreciate it. man. This is awesome.

You're gangster, baby. Yeah, it really does funny. It's crazy, man. after shows, people like you, gotta go on kill Tony. I was like, I was on there like four times.

Why would I go back on? I don't know. y'all were doing stadiums.

Was your debut on kill Tony, oh man.

2016.

2016. so about eight years. Yeah, Amazing. That's crazy. I remember it like it was yesterday.

You were by far one of the best bucket pools we ever had at the time and I remember, just going you're gonna be a star. This is it. and then you went. you fucking did it. It was yeah, I appreciate it.

Thanks, man. I appreciate. yeah, You just have that natural Touch. back then we had no Male regulars. It was a thing that we, because there was no females that were signing up back then.

So we made all the women Regulars and so wasn't even an option to have a male regular at the time or a golden ticket winner. We didn't have that built into the format of the show. Yeah, we were lucky to have fucking, you know, funny 250-some people signing up, but back then it was maybe 20 30 max Times, but we found you and you went on to fulfill the prophecy. What else is going on in life? preacher?

I don't know, man. I'm just touring right now. I'm just touring and auditioning man doing this, you know, LA thing, man, You know place you love. Oh, yeah. I do.

I do love LA. I could never live there again. Yeah, but it's fun to visit and it means you know, a lot of sentimental value to me. I left a lot of artifacts there.

And Yeah, I'm pumped about life. How's Texas been treating you, preacher? I was on a bird yesterday. Someone threw water on me when I was yeah, that was weird. Well, I think they thought it was funny, like out of a cup.

Yeah, I was just, I was on a bird and I was like, you know, This is gonna be cheaper than the uber. and then someone was like what about water? and they just threw it. damn Well, I was trying to get your attention and you wouldn't turn around. I said, preacher, I'm from the comedy store.

and you said fuck you old man. And I was like, well, here comes the water bitch. Hope you're not a gremlin. That's exactly what I said. Now, preach your offers.

offer it. What's it? Go ahead, a cup of water. It's crazy to think how far we've come from the fire hoses.

Oh man, dr. Phil, go ahead. I am, that's all you, Tony.

I'm good right here.

Yeah, anyways, with a Z.

Preacher. Preacher, I first saw you at the comedy store and I was like this fucking guy's funny, He's lackable and he's pushing the envelope, and then you did a backflip. When are you always? have you always been so flexed? I don't know what I'm trying.

I'm turned up. What are you? When did you get? I've been black my whole life.

That was crazy, Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil trying to distance himself from my racist fire hose joke. go straight in it now.

Can you explain to us how you do a backflip?

With your skin color, can go around, hip in and hopping around.

You're gonna make my mustache fall out, Tony.

We'll be right back.

Yo, but for real, When did you know you could jump that high? No, but for real, because I, you know, I'm not athletic. So I'm just all. I'm jealous, you know, like when you even.

Can you teach me how to shoot a basketball?

I'm putting words in my mouth, Tony. Okay, I'll put something in your mouth and you know what it is.

Okay, well, let's, let's change topics then.

You're special. what's it called? again? It's called. My name is preacher.

That's right.

To remember. my name is preacher. I want to know why you named it that, Why you called your special. my name is preacher. I'm not named it mine.

Well, first off. It's my name, right? I know that, and then, And yeah, I just think that that's what it encapsulates, right? But is there a joke?

I do a joke about my name being preacher, right? Yeah, so it's great branding. It's a tough thing to title something like that. Like, for we've got issues. I just go.

I Said well, what are we all trying to overcome issues? and who's trying to overcome them? We are right? So maybe you guys can stop fucking ganging up on me and just answer a simple fucking question you high-flying black guy, now Am I the hidden camera show? I'm about to fucking bring out Sherry and fucker in front of everybody.

if you don't start, if you don't start shaping up and Shipping out. I'm sorry, preacher. Yeah, you know, I love you. You know, I wanted you to, you know, share the love of your special. I didn't know that was the actual dr.

Phil.

Yeah, I had it made specially for this bit. no, this is a it's a real book preacher that I, that I wrote so.

Stick to the script player.

Wait, but how long you been doing stand-up again, 15 years, 15 years. It feels like yeah, is there a time when it gets easier, or is it just the grind of it always pretty consistent? I feel like everything's always hard, you know, if it's too easy, I think I'm getting lazy, right? You know, I mean, so I don't know, really agree? I think a comedian is always in competition with themselves to get better.

and, You know, to try to impress an audience in a city that maybe saw you a year ago or a year and a half, Whatever it is, before you go back. It's like. that's the thing. Yeah, if you do the same jokes, they're not coming back. that's true, that's true, and You know, you're fucking killing it.

You're amazing. It's such a special treat. The point is, for those of you that have been watching, kill Tony forever, It's the return of preacher Lawson. And for those of you that don't know, go watch the one-hour special. My name is preacher Out, now on YouTube, the man, the myth, the legend, preacher Lawson.

So funny, and we keep moving along.

Back to the bucket. we go. It's been a good bucket tonight so far. Let's see what happens here. a new minute from Pedro Franco, Pedro, Franco, ladies and.

All right, I'm Brazilian man, I love America. I really do. I think it's a great place. I don't think I don't like. I get called Mexican all the time.

I Be the tallest Mexican in the world. I mean Dude, I got called Mexican by a cop. I was like officer. How many Mexicans do you know? They can see over the wall.

Are you serious?

It's no sense to me to try to be a better person. I'm a quip, horn. I think that was huge for me. I mean porn is just sad, dude, You know everything about porn is said. even the fucking ads are sad.

Click on a porn video. the ad comes on. Are you horny and alone?

Yeah, Yeah, why are you attacking me? I'm using your website doing. It's the only business that does that. like. imagine, went to McDonald's like oh, you want to make chicken.

you fat fuck. Is that right?

I'll get it. All I'm saying is we're using their website. You know, they should be hyping us up. Click on the videos, like you, ready to jerk off again like a winner. As a matter of fact, I am.

Thank you.

Appreciate it.

Amazing.

What a fantastic minute, Pedro Franco. Welcome to the show. Thank you. This is your first time on the show, correct? Yeah, first, I would remember you.

you have a. you have a whole thing to you. Yeah, the other couple weeks ago read two weeks, think Shane was drinking and I ran into him in the street. You remember that? No, Why do people bring up random?

I thought that's what you're talking about. Yeah, I was hanging out with a friend of mine. Hold on. Just stop. Sorry, You're saying that you ran into me and Shane on the street.

Yeah, it was super random. Yeah. No, it's not random. Sometimes we walk on the street. How would I remember you from the street?

Did you say you did comedy or something? No, he was like he was going to drink and then me and my friend went with him because we were hanging out with. That's what we're always doing. Yeah, okay,

You bet that's right. No, I was just saying welcome to the show. Thank you. How long you been doing stand-up comedy? six months, six months money, All of it here in Austin.

Yeah, pretty much incredible. You know, it's. it's funny because I always thought those ads before porn were like crazy, But I never really had an angle on it. It's one of the first times in forever where I can honestly say I'm kind of jealous of that bit like that's like Amazing. It's right there on the surface.

But yeah, what the fuck. those ads are crazy. We're blatantly horny and alone. They don't gotta like highlight that, you know, that's the whole thing. Yeah.

Yeah, it's like they're fucking with us. Are you overwhelmed with pussy? No, I'm about to jerk off. It's pretty blatant. It's a great take, though.

That's what I'm saying is you have a very natural. You know, it's shit. on the surface, Brazilian porn is a typically one of my favorite categories, But I don't just type in Brazilian. I need like layers. So it's like Brazilian mom comes home early from Iraq To surprise Brazilian stepson who's watching, you know, like, you know airbud six, He gets bored.

so he, you know, fucks Brazilian stepmom, you know dot dot dot titties, you know, When did you move?

All right with this out. when did? When did you move to America? like 2016? I think I've been here nine years.

first impressions. Love. it did great place. best country on planet Earth. It is, it is.

yeah. So are you do jiu-jitsu? I did it for like two months and then I came to us. I don't have time anymore, right? Too busy swimming in pussy.

What do you do when you're not doing stand-up comedy in Austin, dude? I just do this because, like my visas up, so I have to leave. and it's true. I have to leave. you have to leave.

I gotta leave in two months. So I just been focusing on gonna make you leave. Yeah, meanwhile, I know it's ridiculous. I know, like I can't leave and walk back in, but I can't stay if you want. I know some guy named Adam Ray.

He might buy a hotel if you just talk to this. Yeah, I mean he's. I don't think.

It's not gonna happen, but I mean you can reach out, you know It's gonna be. it's gonna be on your bill. the kicked in door by ice that fucking deports him. God, damn it. I didn't think you'd put me down on incidentals, too.

Is there other Brazilian stand-up comics like how do you figure out that this is something that you could do? No, I just kind of like. I always loved it and then a friend of mine like, made me do it and I had a Good time. So have you seen American comedy? Yeah, who'd you like?

who got you fired up, Louie? Yeah. Yeah, good go. Fuck. Yeah, Absolutely.

What do you do for a living? How do you make money? I work in a rental cars, rental cars. Yeah, and I'm gonna say the name of the place, cuz I mean, I'm leaving the country. Anyways, I work for fucking Enterprise.

I'm leaving. Wow. They're not sponsoring me. I don't give a shit. Yeah, they're not gonna do it.

Yeah, but that's what I do. It's boring. I don't like it. just pays my bills. But yeah, absolutely, Absolutely.

being broke hurts, and I talked about that in my book. We've got issues. You need money to have fun. Go ahead, Tony. What's your love life?

Like you're tall. You're Brazilian. I can't even imagine what's going on here. single, bro, If you're vegan, I know a 90 year old. That fucking, I was listening in the back.

I mean I need a marriage to stay, so they'll be Wow, let's fucking do it tonight. Wow, Can you fucking imagine there a, is there any chance? there's a. what's it called? Is there an ordained?

is there? is there an ordained minister here? Where buddy's point? wait, there's so many of them. This is crazy.

Welcome to Texas. Everybody's like. god bless this guy. Wait a second. It's gone.

This guy looks like a DJ in Grand Theft Auto.

You're a minister. you got a badge or something. You got your idea on you? Wait, is Sherry still here? Hey, Sherry still here.

Sherry back there. Oh, my fucking god. This could actually work. We're gonna. she's kind of what he described, or she described.

it is gross. say you're a vegan, dude. Say you're a vegan and she will open up every door and hole. I swear to God. We we know you beat your meat, but now you got a sneak your meat.

Because if your wife finds out, it's not the first time an Iranian woman's been in an arranged marriage. by the way, This is absolutely right on schedule.

We're gonna tell her you're a Brazilian heir and she might be down for this. This is absolutely incredible. We're waiting for, Sherry. Can we get the little? this guy puts the mini in.

minister. Come on up here. Here he comes, dude, Come on, please. Welcome to the stage. Sean McVeigh, the coach of the Los Angeles Rams.

This is wild. this could be the first ever kill Tony. he's a hot guy. I'm Sean McGee right now, Tony. hey, This legal was that?

is that legal? I don't fucking know. some fun, Whoa? Nice to meet you. player pleasure.

Wow, we found the rainy street serial killer. Everybody is amazing, Absolutely, incredible. What's your name, sir? Oh, What is it? Oh, tall, Wow, that's ironic.

That's like the guys next to his name being Short. My name's hair.

Hit me ribbon and my name's straight. All right.

Here you go, your name is tall. that is incredible. What do you do for work, tall?

I work on a credit card. You work on a what a credit card? you work on a credit card.

Holy shit, I'm in charge of getting people to sign up for a credit card. Oh, okay. All right, What can you do? probably can't say the company right? Amazon?

Wow, Incredible. Well, you're about to probably get somebody a visa here in a second. It's incredible. D. Madness has seen enough to clean in the house.

D-man, this is middle name 20 vision, by the way, yes, if I'm good at cleaning houses because I'm Latino. Did you hear that? I thought you were Your own podcast over there? what the fuck is going on. stick with me, ladies and gentlemen, you know Where you love her.

make some noise again for Sherry beset G. ladies and gentlemen, Wow.

Now, Sherry, You have such a fucking impact on us that this is the very, extremely rare occasion in which we have somebody back on the show. Now, this young man, Pedro Franco, right here, this tall brown vegan.

Let me yeah, he.

That was hot. keep going, Sherry, yeah.

Wow, amazing, so, Sherry, we're in a little bit of a situation because Pedro is from Brazil. He's been here since 2016 and he needs to marry an American woman in order to get to stay in America. Now the the man next to you, believe it or not. His name is tall.

That might be a red flag

And Sherry.

The. the man next to you tall is an ordained minister. so, with that said, Pedro, I do believe now is the time to pop the question. Ask Sherry get down on one knee.

He's, he's literally. he got down on one knee. he's still taller than tall.

Incredible.

Okay, ladies and gentlemen, here is Pedro Franco Sherry. Will you help me stay in the greatest nation of the world?

I Believe I'm American enough that I could probably help you. That's right.

Tall, what do you say? Do you pronounce them? What do you just say? Do you yeah, do you? Hell?

yeah, baby.

Ladies and gentlemen,

This is Kill Tony.

Wow, Dreams have come true here.

Sherry, you are an instant kill. Tony legend. Pedro, you had a fantastic minute. Congratulations. It looks like things may be going your way.

ah, Does she get to do the secret show for this show? Literally trying to like, think of something that we could do for you. do the roast of dr. Phil, I'll fly to LA and you can do the roast of dr. You gotta have someone do what is, Sherry?

What's the longest set you've ever done?

Oh, I can do 15 to 20 minutes. Why don't you let her open the show on Thursday after fogota chow? Why don't you come over to the secret show on Thursday?

You're gonna open it up. sunset strip comedy club. What is it? 8 p.m. Oh, my goodness, gracious dreams are coming true here.

Tall, did you sign up for the show? No, okay. Now. There you go. Thank you, tall.

Thank you. Sherry. And thank you, Pedro. ladies and a Pedro, take one of these.

Damn, he catches like Sherry.

This is the one and only cam Patterson.

I Will fuck that guy's wife man.

They just got married. I'm happy for them, but I like fucking old women dog. That's not a part of me. I don't want to tell y'all that I will fuck that old lady. I.

I don't. I don't understand helping the homeless if you're not gonna give them a house. I think that's dumb. My barber likes to go on six you to get home people haircuts. I think that's fucking stupid, Cuz, you gotta stand some.

they get their money because they look homeless.

If you give them a haircut, you just fucking up their uniform dog.

If I see a homeless nigga with a better haircut to me, I might punch his ass. really, You piece of shit. Like I'm not gonna get no money to the homeless nigga with no clean ass. drop fade, That's not finna happen, Susan? a drop fade when you kind of cut the size a little bit and then you keep the rest.

This is what we do. my goodness gracious, We're doing it. man. God damn. Come on, man.

You have done it yet again. It was fun. That was good. I like that one. I remember that might be my favorite one so far.

Am Patterson, thank you, absolutely Unstoppable. right now. He is on fire. We did an episode of the dr. Phil show yesterday.

Oh, yeah, baby. Yeah, ready, Tony cam and William, the same motherfucking time, baby, last night. Yeah, you guys murdered that. shit was fun. Wasn't?

it had on a thong and I was disturbing. Oh, yeah, Yeah, disturbing. somebody came out in a thong and then, uh, and then, you know, cam said the n-word, or something, you know, But it was my favorite word. You guys murdered it. man.

It was fun, cam. That is an amazing joke about giving the homeless people haircuts. Unbelievably fantastic, smart, funny, everything. as always, you came through, riding the momentum of what happened on stage. That was fucking insane.

Yeah. Yeah, that was crazy. It's a wild show. I was asking about, like, can they do that? Can?

that's a Rick, and I really have it. Is that, is that legal? He said, hell. Yeah, that's what he said. You want to get me?

Hell. yeah, What the fuck, man? It's not a real thing. It's not real shit. I mean, it'll be interesting to see.

I don't know if the I don't know. I just want to kick that nigga door and steal. Okay, like older women and Sherry. Yeah. Well, do we find out how old Sherry was.

maybe late? 73, so you moved in 76 minus 13.

63, 63. is that wait? No, she was born in 63, which means she's.

61.

You would yeah, She ain't get a new committee yet. I had that already first hand. Oh Wow, what does that do to you? again? He does what just burns a little bit?

Can fight through that. yeah, it's good. Yeah, committee is fun, man. Oh, I know you don't school me on the signs of burning cocks. good time.

Is that one of your cousins, chlamydia?

Chlamydia Jenkins, I'm gonna name my daughter.

You bleeding, nigga, what's going on right here? probably okay, Is he bleeding? am I bleeding? Some on your neck line, right? That's just a decoy, so you can steal my wallet.

Why would I steal your wallet out of it, I don't know, but if you're here, who's outside Target selling candy bars for their baseball?

Sorry, once it was here. I had to do it, But I don't play baseball. They got played basketball. That's right. That's right.

You told me that On the show can't. what I love about last night's show. I can't wait for you guys to see his cam opened up, man, We got some real deep-cut history from you. Yeah. Yeah, man, I don't know.

You were such a superstar athlete and your coach was fucking. that was crazy. Yeah, man, Fuck coach Sarge, coach charge. you guys will see. but but now, and he hasn't reconnected with you.

Has he huh? Oh, no, the funny thing is, we did tell me one time. He always had his saying he'll be like I understand something. I'm always right. I'm never wrong.

I might be wrong in the moment. I'm always gonna be fucking right. And then, the last day I seen him, He told me he said, I don't know why you play basketball, nigga. You should be a comedian, you goofy, bitch, and He was right. He was right as shit.

So, you know that. yeah, Yeah, Now I have another question, for you can don't take this the wrong way. Can you do a backflip? and if you can?

Out the womb. nigga, we just start flipping dog. Come out, flip it. I got dolphins. come out, swim.

Would you lie? It's very easy. You can't flip me. I mean if I can flip a girl over, if I'm fucking her on her period. Come on now, talk to me.

That was weird, but I like it.

Well, I could I talk about it more in my book in chapter 12.

. We've got issues. Don't let a period stop a Tuesday from being the best day ever. You got an audio version of that. I'll sign it for you.

Okay, well, yeah, If you flip for me, If you flip for me, what kind of fuck is weird scenario this? Dr. Phil for me, nigga, flip for me just.

Say the n-word or the man thing. I was Sincerely trying to make plans for the weekend. All right.

I Love you, Kim. I need to see. I need to see a Tony, a tour and see cam out there. Is it just bananas when he comes out? unbelievable?

I don't know why you would use the word bananas.

Absolutely, that's crazy. I swear to God that one was on mistake.

It must be a blast out there, I bet it's just a good old bowl of watermelon out there.

I bet it's just a root like a rotisserie chicken. Just spinning around.

Yeah, the man just said black chicken.

Goodness, I bet it's just a goddamn. media goes to the funhouse.

Wow, Dr. Phil, you are accidentally out of control tonight. You've got issues. when I talk about that chapter 16, about my own personal struggles and then what I'm doing to overcome them,

Thanks for the plug, Tony, you know what looks feel like, don't you?

Ribby, you got a butt plug sound effect.

Okay, what did he do? I didn't hear it. it was a fart noise, okay, brilliant red band, right? Okay, my kids are watching them. I love it, Cam, you did it again.

We absolutely love you. You're a fucking freak of nature.

Absolute, absolute bananas.

The best cam Patterson, ladies and gentlemen, and back to the bucket. we go not easy to follow that. and so On a mission 60 seconds from Christian Alexander. Here we go.

like that. I'll give you a home, bitch.

Poor thing barely spoke a lick of English. I was like, what's your name? She goes?

What a beautiful name.

Took a home, host her down. mom. This is rural. She'd be staying here a while.

She helped me started believing in God. Cuz, I busted a nut inside of her, right? And I was like God. if you real, please don't let her be pregnant. And exactly a week later her ass got hit by a car.

Won't he do it?

Now, fuck that my car did get totaled.

I'm not gonna get a homeless bitch pregnant. What the fuck?

Thank you.

Wow, yet another Set. Christian Alexander. Welcome. What's up first time on the show? Yes, sir.

What's up? How old are you? 23, 23 years old? how long you been doing stand-up? two years consistently, but four years, my first time.

you from Texas, Austin, Houston, and that's where you live now. Yep, with your mom, 100% hell. Yeah, fuck free, rent, Absolutely. What do you do for work? Ah, I Work at Adidas, and it's great cuz.

I got a foot fetish, So I see a lot of hoses toes. Oh shit. Look at that. What do you, what's your? what size do you like?

Size seven. Yeah, Wow, he knew exactly what he's into there. Is that a size seven and men's or women's, women only? Yeah, man's is disgusting. women do a pretty your feet.

Is there something about the foot? Like, what do you love about it? Mmm stank?

Dirty little boy. My goodness Christian, do you have a girlfriend? No, Why do you say it like that cuz inflation?

Very cheap for a guy that lives with his mother.

Inflation, do you know what that means?

What do you do for fun, what is a 23 year old like Christian Alexander? do for fun, drink and drive. Really, practice it, practice, Wow, the Houston pastime of drinking and driving. What else? What do you like to drink, Christian?

you a tequila soda, yeah, I was trying to get a shot back there, but I was thirsty. Uh-huh. Can't imagine. Have you been drinking today? Oh, yeah.

It's Austin. What this is, Austin? Uh-huh, Inflation, Tony. Yeah, Do you have to drive home tonight to you? No, I got my dad's credit card.

So I really paying for nothing. Oh, new Amazon credit card, All right, so mom and dad are still together. yeah, but I wish they weren't. why, Cuz, I don't know. Maybe my mom might be cheating.

Oh, no, what makes you say that? She's a Walmart couponer, But she never has coupons And she goes like every day, like what a coupons that bitch, you know what I mean? No, we don't know.

You go to Walmart every day you bring back like nothing. you say you're a couponer, but you never seen a coupon. Oh, gotcha. So she's saying that she's looking for the discounts and the deals, but she never comes home with any actual items. Yeah, She goes back like the same cereal.

What kind of cereal? Reese's Puffs? That's part of her boyfriend, his favorite. Oh shit.

Wow, it's very suspicious. What does dad do for work? Oh No, You know what? He's a manager, But like, yeah, I don't know what he works at, she rock. I don't ask, we don't talk.

You know what I mean? Why don't you and your dad talk anymore?

We don't watch wrestling anymore, you know, oh, I used to watch wrestling together. Yeah, it was cool, You didn't catch this last WrestleMania. I did. Oh my god. It was crazy.

It was crazy. It was great. I jumped up and down when I came up. What was your favorite part, Sina? No, the senior was like, oh my god, John Cena, yeah, then Undertaker came out and my heart sank to my ass.

That's true. me, too. It got me. got the best of me. There it, it got me.

I didn't like Randy Orton, though. He was a little too like fat. Okay, we're getting up. subject Going a little too too inside baseball.

Christian, um, what's your love life like?

Desperate, Really a little bit. Yeah, you like taller women. Oh Yeah, I like them all, but mostly taller women. Okay. Wait, do you like a big foot?

Or you want to talk over little feets? She got a skinny ones with veins on it. You talk about her foot. Yeah, So you like you like a veiny? stinky foot.

She works hard. I got a stink. You know what? I mean? She works a lot.

No hair. Well, she's gonna have to work hard with your lazy ass fucking.

Incredible. what's the last time you spoke to your father Christian?

I Pay for a lot of shit that I I got to be appreciative and grateful. Yeah, I feel like there's a lot of stuff you haven't said to him and red band, If you can hit me with some soft piano music, I wouldn't. I would love to roleplay a little conversation to warm you up for the real one. You should be having soon. Okay, red band.

Hit me. I'm gonna play Christians. dad and Christian, you play yourself in this.

There's no way you could fuck it up, Christian, this is your father. What's your dad's name? my, oh.

All right, so here I'm gonna you knock on the door.

Hey, who is it?

This is my. oh, is that the pizza delivery guy? Oh shit, Christian. What's up, dog? How's Adidas treating you player?

How the foot man you smell some goofy Lily? No, I just kid. I kid. I kid. I kid.

I kid I kid.

Come on, I Miss you thought we never watch wrestling anymore. Remember John Cena. Remember when John Cena? I know I used to take you to wrestling all the time. But you know inflation, you know, I can't take.

You've never talked to me this much.

Holy shit another one.

Is that true? Yeah, it was a fucked up time.

Were you really kinda about a woman? you don't really count, you know what I mean? Who was the woman?

my dear.

We're still friends on Facebook too, so like like Tyler Perry.

Bigger.

Wait, what my dear. not, not my dear. Oh, I thought you said my dear.

It's a classic Madea Ikea truffle.

Wait, how old was she when you were getting? how old were you? Oh, What do you remember about this? What did she do? everything, dude?

No, no, no, fuck. What did she do to you? It's okay. You just put on a little porn. I was like, we're gonna do what they doing.

Oh, geez. Wait a second. And I was like, let's do it Your tia for the, for the white people, can you explain what your tia is? Hey, Noah, so this is Texas.

And also millions on the internet, so go ahead and explain it what the fuck a tia is my dad's sister, right? Yeah, you had. you had ants in your pants.

Thank You, that's right there.

That is true. you're on fire today. that was unbelievable. Oh my god. Hey, keep talking about your traumas.

We'll think of more.

You can read all about it in my book.

We've got tissues.

You know what It's a big joke book, my friend.

And you know what, since you were molested when you were little. here's a little joke book too.

First Person to ever get two joke books. make some noise for Christian Alexander, ladies and gentlemen, great job, baby. Keep at it, player. Keep at it. Great to see you.

Great jokes. Great interview.

All right, You know, before we get to this bucket pool, actually we have someone, Special a you know the. the molestation thing reminded me there is a young teen who? I can't believe. I didn't ask him who touched you.

You know, what do you mean? Christian, who touched you that's how I got famous was who took. oh, I didn't ask him. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, We bring him back.