#666 - POST MALONE + TIM DILLON + DR PHIL (ADAM RAY)

And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

Please rise for the singing of your national anthem by international music superstar and the best bass player in the world, Tall Wilkenfeld.

Oh say, can you see by the dawn's early light What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming.

Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight.

O'er ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming.

Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave?

I got really high one night and I had the idea that I'm going to do a podcast on a Monday night at the Comedy Store. 50 or 60 comedians come here every Sunday and Monday at 6 o'clock. It's a mob. It's unbelievable. So when you said a Monday 8 o'clock podcast, I'm like, how can we use the natural resource of this building to our advantage?

So I said, what if we give everybody one minute and see how it goes? Yeah, it's a growing podcast, guys. You never know what's going to go. It's so experimental, it's crazy. This whole thing can fucking explode at any given moment.

Hey, this is Redman, coming to. you live from an arena!

Gil Carter!

He's got a bigger chest than I do. I know, well, so does this table.

Breaking the mold here on. Kill Tony, this is the first time we've ever had a fully grown Chucky doll perform. I'll send an Uber Black and an Uber XL, because you're both of those things.

She's an absolute killer, she's one of our favorite people. It's Tiffany Haddish, everybody! Put your hands together for Adam Ray. Ladies and gentlemen, America's dad, former Comedy Store host of ten years, Bob Saget!

Brody Stevens, everybody. Steven, Brody Stevens. You got it. Half the reason I'm in the wheelchair is because my dick's so heavy. It's the great William Montgomery, everyone.

Where the fuck is? Tony Chen? I'm tired of being big and black, you know what I mean? Michael Lehrer, everybody, come on. David Lucas.

It's William Montgomery. Malcolm Hatchett. Nellie Mikulski. Sarah Weinshank. Melissa Esslinger.

Kimberly Congdon, everybody. He never officially named it. I wanted to name it Hinchcliffe's Notes, and then you started saying, well, it's a pilot, so you can change the name. And then I started thinking, well, I mean, now that that's in the air, maybe it's changeable.

Ready for the best fucking night of their lives!

Los Angeles, California. Make some noise for Brian Redman, everybody!

A. in over four years. The great Jetski Johnson joining the band.

How about one more time for the entire damn best damn band in the land, ladies and gentlemen.

The great and powerful Fernando Castillo on the horns.

Raul Vallejo. Carlos Sosa.

The great Jetski Johnson again. She's here, live in the flesh.

The mutilator, Mutation, Matt Muehling on the electric guitar.

And we told them we're doing Madison Square Garden tonight. It's D-Madness on the bass, everybody.

Oh, my God. Our first show in L.A. in over four years.

The last time we did a show in Los Angeles, of course, it was at the Comedy Store, in the main room during the pandemic, in front of zero audience members. And we streamed to the parking lot live in front of 16 people, all having to wear masks, separated 10 feet apart. And the city of Los Angeles.

And on top of all that, the city of Los Angeles gave the Comedy Store a ticket that night for us doing a live show.

But I don't see a fucking mask, and I don't see any people separated at all tonight.

Tonight's gonna be an unbelievable fucking time. I'm so excited to be here with all of you. This is where, for our YouTube show, we would go to a commercial break.

The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to SunsetStripATX.com for tickets.

We're going to get right fucking into it. You guys ready to meet your first guest tonight?

I present to you one of the greatest guests in Kill Tony history, one of the funniest men on planet Earth,

Stay right there.

Welcome,

Tim. You guys want to meet your second guest?

The Rookie of the Year, guest of 2023.

. A man so good at being a guest, he's only done it once, and there's an entire position in the show named after him.

Oh, yeah.

You guys know how it works. If I pull somebody's name out of this crazy-ass, fucking very dense bucket tonight, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. They could literally become a star here tonight. There's no doubt about it. Anybody has an opportunity to become absolutely famous or embarrass the hell out of themselves.

This is an extra special edition of Kill Tony, because all the executives and owners of Netflix are here. Literally, you could go... Oh, Netflix gets booed?

All right. Well, there's also executives from YouTube here.

Oh, no, we're going to get in big trouble for this. You guys may have just fucked up a multimillion-dollar deal for us. Thank you.

They just shut off the lights right now.

There's executives from Amazon Prime here.

There you go. That's going to make the Netflix people much happier, knowing that you hate Amazon and Hulu more than them. So good. You guys fucking love YouTube, huh?

The industry is changing, ladies and gentlemen. We are watching it live. So they get 60 seconds. You know their time is up when you hear the sound of a kitty.

That means they have to wrap it up then, or else they bring out who is live. He's from here. He's here. It is the angry West Hollywood bear, ladies and gentlemen.

Where are you?

Delia!

Delia!

Defending the stage tonight from people that try to go over their time. He is a little baby bear. He is a sweet little fucking thing. How adorable is that? I bought that costume off Amazon Prime three days ago.

He looks like something Pete Diddy ordered on Postmates.

Let's fucking go.

So, fucking, there's only one way to start a show like this, ladies and gentlemen. I'm going to make sure that the pool... Okay, yeah, we're going to have to wrangle that person. No, let's wrangle that person. And to start the show, getting a little bit more stage than he usually has to work with, ladies and gentlemen.

An absolute superstar of mass proportions. He was introduced, of course, after Hans versus Rick part one, to be the temporary opener of the show. And he's grabbed the world by the balls. Here, with a brand-new minute, getting it all started. Make some goddamn noise for Austin, Texas' own...

C. Rocket!

Because I'm wanted, wanted, dead or alive.

This is a true story. Me and my friend were on ketamine.

This is true. We were staring each other in the eyes. And we were praying as fast as we could. And I don't know if you've ever prayed on ketamine. But those had to have been some fucking confusing prayers.

Just, dear Lord, please make me big and small at the same time, sweet Lord.

Please give me a waterbed full of whole milk, sweet God. Just... I always picture God in heaven watching all the prayers go by. And he's like, what was that fucking last one? He's like, should we OD these guys?

He's like.

. Good luck. All right, thank you. I'm Casey Rocket. Thank you.

It doesn't look as good as I thought it was going to look. I'll be completely honest with you.

This is amazing. What are the differences for a guy like you performing here compared to the usually very tight stage of the Mothership?

Thank you for asking, Tony.

. Come on, now. Some folks are born mad to wave the flag. All right. You're just having fun tonight.

Just being a little bastard.

I missed that part. Now I'm mad at Netflix. How dare they take credit for this? They have a frozen yogurt machine for us in the back.

. I will...

Casey Rocket. How was your travel? Did you have a good seat on the airplane? How does a guy like you? Anything weird?

Your name? Tuss?

Yeah, when you do.

. It's the opposite of getting like how they serve you alcohol in first class. If you sit at the very, very back, they give you a bottle of Tuss. So it's actually pretty cool. It was me, it was Heath in the bear costume, and we shared a bottle of Tuss.

We body boxed like the plane ride from hell, like Brock Lesnar. So it was pretty fun. I fucking love it, Casey. I love your energy. I love your fucking style, your swagger.

Everything.

You've done it yet again. We absolutely love you. Way to get the show started. Is there anything else that you want to...

Are you taking suggestions from the audience? Could you sing a Doors song? Would you sing a Doors song for us right now?

Play it again, keep it going.

The best damn band in the land on the ones and twos.

Riders on the storm.

Into this house we're born.

Into this world we're thrown.

Like Hector Alamone. Like Al Capone. Riders on the storm.

A bunch of chicks with multi-colored hair and angry faces out there right now. All right. Everybody, your first bucket pull, ladies and gentlemen, goes by the name of Sean McAbree. We're going to meet him all together. 60 seconds, uninterrupted.

Sean McCobb.

Because, you know, they never clean their box as often as they should, obviously.

But I was actually tattooing this stripper's asshole, and she got a pentagram around it, and that shit was wafting at me. And I don't know if you've ever walked by a dumpster and been like, there's definitely something dead inside there.

But that was what I smelled. And then, to top it off, she queefed in my face. That was pretty rude.

But, yeah, so.

. It didn't stop me from dating her for a few months, though.

But, yeah, that wasn't the first time. A couple other times I tattooed assholes. One was a spider crawling out.

And the other girl got a rose around it. Thank you. Okay, Sean McCobb.

Absolutely incredible. Post, you look like you've tattooed a few assholes in your day.

This seems like you're kind of comedian here. How many times have you done stand-up? This is my first time. First time ever. There you go.

Ever. Who the hell makes their comedy debut at the LA Forum? It's fucking crazy. A guy that tattoos women with smelly pussies. That's him.

I wonder if she's here.

So, Sean, is that all the material that you prepared? Yeah, basically. Is stand-up something that you've always wanted to do? Yeah, it's something I've been... since.

I've been watching the show for the last couple years. And you give tattoos... I've signed up four other times. And you give tattoos for a living. I do, for 18 years now.

And you're doing comedy because Avenged Sevenfold didn't work out? It's not the first time I've heard that one, yeah.

If that's not the first time you've heard that, you should change something about yourself.

I make comic books. I paint. I do live art at raves. I've been tattooing forever, yeah. Wow.

How long have you been on fentanyl?

I mean, never tried it that I know of. I'm sure it's probably getting slipped in there a few times. Absolutely. Absolutely. Do you just tattoo assholes or you'll do any area of the body?

You said you did comic books, too. I'd imagine a whole entire, like, tome out of asshole skin with just beautiful drawings. Thank you.

Oh, that's what he needs. More bad tattoos.

It's just pictures of assholes with spiders. It's not a comic book at all.

Is it a scratch and sniff? Does it smell like a bad pussy? I will be using it tonight, but I haven't... No, that's your finger that smells like a bad pussy.

So, Sean, what else? What type of childhood did you have to where you end up going to raves and tattooing people for an entire lifetime? I mean, not too bad. I lived in France for a year. Fucking...

I mean, not too bad of a childhood. My parents split up. Yeah, we know. Yeah,

what kind of brag is that? I lived in France for a year. I mean, you're right. It was shitty.

I mean, not too bad, actually. It's been all right. Craziest thing that's ever happened to you in your entire life? You're in the interview, part of Kill Tony. You've been watching the show for years.

You may have planned for the minute. Did you plan for this?

Not entirely. Wow. Your soul is over there. It just answered the question.

Absolutely incredible. No, but, let's see. I've fucking been skydiving. You ever done that, Tony? Did the parachute, unfortunately, work?

Unfortunately, it fucking worked. Unfortunately, it unfolded, but it almost didn't. You had to shimmy it open. And to answer your question, no, I have never skydived. However, I have strapped a man to my own back before.

Okay. Sean, what's your love life like? It's pretty crazy, man. I mean... Wow, sounds like it.

I mean, which night are you talking about? What's the craziest thing you've ever done sexually? Sexually.

I mean, probably a threesome, two black chicks. Whoa, two black chicks. The old Oreo cookie. Exactly. That's what I called it.

Absolutely. Unbelievable. How did you end up with two black chicks? I tattooed one of them, and then they saw me walking down the street, and I heard them go, well, let's fuck them. That's it.

One in the ink, two in the stink.

Tattoo for one. Basically. Unbelievable. Is there something that you prefer about black women over white women? Their pussy's warmer.

Wow, incredible. That is absolutely true. Everybody knows that is a scientific fact. I get all of my science from tattoo artists and Joe Rogan, so I'm basically a genius.

Sean, congratulations, your very first time on a stand-up comedy stage live at the LA Forum.

God damn it. Producers, tell people not to shake people's hands afterwards.

All right.

Macabre is a weird word. M-A-C-A-B-R-E? Macabre? Macabre? Why would the R in the E be silent?

Anyway. Ladies and gentlemen, this can't be real, but I'm going to read it anyway. Uh, ladies and gentlemen, okay. The fuck is going on over here?

Okay. Okay. They spelled the X wrong.

Okay. Thank you. All right. Good try. Good try.

All right. This can't be real. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for RFK Jr.

This can't possibly be my favorite presidential candidate in the world. Oh my God! It is!

Oh, I'm not.

. I'm not a stand-up.

I don't know who William Montgomery is.

My family, as it turns out, loves William Montgomery too.

I said to them, I just want to go out there and say hi to people, and they said, that's too much.

Anyway, I didn't really come prepared to tell.

He's very funny. He's got a lot of information. This is where I get most of my facts. A lot of his stuff is conspiracy theories. You have to filter that out.

That has to be a minute.

. Make some noise for Cheryl Hines, everybody. Come on.

I'm just saying I think that's a minute. Maybe we don't do accents right now.

That was fucking.

Just brain worms and presidential candidacies? I wake up to all kinds of things. For those of you that don't know, they found... How do you describe it? for those of you that might not know?

There was a worm in his brain?

We'll say yes. There was a worm.

RFK Jr.

, such an honor to have you here for you to fucking flex, having a sense of humor in front of the best comedy fans on planet Earth. It is a fucking pleasure to know that we have the possibility of having this man as the next president of the United States, everybody.

We're going to give him the damn kill, Tony Bump. Isn't that right, people?

All right. Let's keep it moving. Another bucket. pull. Straight out of the bucket.

We're going to meet them all together. Make some noise.

Make some noise for Jay Frunk, everybody. Jay Frunk, getting 60 seconds uninterrupted. We're going to meet them all together. Jay Frunk. Oh, it's bucket.

pull number two.

Who do you gang? Gang violence.

, I hope you don't follow in your forefather's footsteps there.

I'm kind of new to LA. I met my first satanist here. Nobody's a satanist, right?

I did have a contingency. if nothing else. I have a list of roasts.

Jay Frunk. Boy, oh boy. Wow. Coming out. I'm sorry, Posty.

I saw you in Dallas. I love you. Jay, don't ruin the show more than you already have. Just focus on this point. Jay Frunk coming out and saying both Cam Patterson and David Jolly's catchphrase to start your set.

And then a joke about four fathers, which I'm guessing is four more fathers than you have in your life.

And then continuous, bomb, bomb, bomb. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy? Number one. This is your first time ever. Yes, sir.

Jay Frunk, anything interesting about your life that you didn't talk about? that you might find? Anything I didn't talk about? Anything interesting about your life that you didn't talk about in the minute? I'm an engineer.

I'm a musician. It's my birthday today.

I'm going to give you a.

Well, that was good. What was good? What the fuck? You guys are a little too positive. You got to be mean when they suck.

You know what I'm going to do? You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to give a set to literally one of the greatest legends in the history of the show. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you here to do a set. Make some noise for the 2023 Guest of the Year,

Holy shit. What a night, huh? Look at these titties coming down the second row. Good to see you guys. A little winded.

I'm just here to take a shit and then I'll get out of here. I'm just here to take a shit One more time for Aaron Bile.

Sorry, RFK.

Got some roast jokes.

Casey Rocket is here. Casey Rocket looks like he blows his nose with his hands. Pretty funny, because it's true.

Casey Rocket looks like if a mothball came to life. I like that one. Casey looks like his whole set. he's trying to escape a crocodile for some fucking reason. Always wanted to know what a clown looked like under the face paint.

We got it.

Casey looks like.

Casey looks like a. where are they now of Nickelodeon molestations. That's one you can laugh at at dinner and at breakfast. That's what we call a twofer.

What else? Cam Patterson. Cam Patterson has the posture of a stepdad. The belly and the shoulders. The shoulders back, the belly out.

Alright, thought that was funny in my head, so I said it.

Cam looks like P. Diddy's pool boy. That's a good one. Give it up for Diddy. He's somewhere.

Cam's a great storyteller. Or as the court calls it, perjury. That's funny.

Cam's mom accidentally got pregnant during the movie Friday After Next. That's why she calls him Mike Oops. That's a play on words. The actor Mike Epps. Shout out.

William Montgomery's here. Give it up for William Montgomery. What a fucking legend and a gangster.

Hey, it's Tuesday, somewhere, right? That's what she said. William looks like he should be on a confederate coin.

You know, William looks like he sits down to pee but stands up to poop, but I've done that. Hey, no judgment, player. Just recognizing the game. What's up, dad? David Lucas is here.

Oh, we don't know if he's here. All right, well... I saw a food truck out front, so I assumed...

Good, save, good, save. Thanks, Tony. You know, David looks like he should be ozone-picking cotton, but I wrote that...

I'll just wait for the laughter.

David has a 100% chance of dying on Rocky Road. The ice cream or police brutality. Either way, it's going to be kind of one of those roll the dice... We'll be right back. That's an impression of David's...

Dale, come on.

We'll be right back is one of my favorite phrases. It's also an impression of David's feet before diabetes takes him.

We'll keep it right here. That's one of my other favorite phrases. You probably heard me say, we'll keep it right here. That's also my impression of David. when a waiter tries to take away his dessert.

He just wants to leave it where it is, player.

David's got a forehead like Roger from American Dad. Sorry, that's probably triggering, since you never saw yours. What else we got here?

Hans Kim is here. Give it up for Hans Kim, the great Hans Kim.

Hans looks like the second coolest kid on the math team.

Why does Hans look like he bows after he comes? Is that just me?

Hans is so retarded, he'd have to compete in the special squid games. That was funny in my head. You can use that at a party in front of your family.

This battle between Hans and Rick, it's gotten so vicious. I haven't seen this much bad blood in the forum since Magic Johnson's last game, but that's a joke.

We're doing okay so far.

Rick is here. Keep it going for Rick Diaz.

Are you guys booing for Netflix or Rick?

Rick is here.

Rick versus Hans, this looks like a fight in a cancer ward. It's in-cell versus can't-cell. Rick, you look like the star of a cartoon called Bob's Asperger's. Rick is from Spain, so can you Spain to me where the fuck your chin went? What else we got?

We got Redband. Keep it going for Brian Redband over here. It's a fucking living legend. Brian Redband in the house, newly engaged.

. Redband, you sound like the voice behind the camera on every casting couch porn.

Redband is so creepy, he's not even allowed within 50 yards of his inner child. That's funny. We got Tony Hinchcliffe. Let's go kill Tony's own. Tony Hinchcliffe is here.

The man of the hour,

He fucking destroyed. He made Brady his bitch. He came out gums, a-blazing, and he just destroyed... No, Tony is maybe one of the quickest minds I've ever seen. One more time for Tony Hinchcliffe.

This guy, I met him 25 years ago and he hasn't stopped bringing it. He does look like he runs an ice cream parlor on Epstein Island, but he's one of the funniest guys that I've ever met. I think that's it. That's it out of me. That's all my time.

That's all I got for you.

Dr. Phil, I gotta tell you, you're the guest of the year 2023.. How many of you think Dr. Phil should stay on?

Come on in, Dr. Phil.

We got an extra seat and an extra

But the only thing better than fucking.

Snoop, Dr. Phil, ladies and gentlemen. Live in the flesh.

I fucking love it. Dr. Phil is with us for the rest of the show, ladies and.

He was mentioned during Dr. Phil's set and he's a fucking legend of the show. Months after making his Kill Tony debut, the people.

Aaron Belisle.

Getting the setup going.

One more time for Aaron Belisle, everybody.

Before I started performing, I was the only mute person I knew, but now I've got all these fucking mute people coming to my shows. Every time they laugh, it sounds like mating season in the Arctic.

I've been forced to demand all wheelchair ramps be removed from my shows. I don't need any more. walrus fuck sounds from the darkness.

If this keeps up, I'm going to bring in the Alaskan Seal Clubber Association for crowd control.

These people are crazy, man. Walruses, One mute chick's mom kept trying to get me to mate with her. She's all. my daughter is just like you. Feel her titty.

I have nothing against girls in wheelchairs, but we should at least wait for her to wake up before I touch her boobies.

I'm not going to touch Lumpy or Bumpy. I ain't going to be the first retarded guy to get me toed. Not today, bitch.

Boom.

Aaron Belisle, ladies and gentlemen.

Coming out, guns, a-blazing, attacking handicapped people throughout his entire set. What a heel turn this is. What a twist. That's a bigger twist than your wrist.

Yeah, you sponsored by Nike with that swoosh? What's going on?

Uh-oh, here it comes. He's typing. I'm scared.

Dr. Phil is the only doctor I don't need to see.

World's weirdest fist bump just went down, everybody. I don't know if you saw it. Dr. Phil with a sideways high five and Aaron Belisle with an upside down hook shot.

I thought Dr. Phil was Tim Dillon's husband.

I've been practicing impressions. Want to see some? Hell, yeah, dude.

This is my impression of Joe Biden doing a speech.

I tried figuring out how to do a Donald Trump impression, but even I'm not that retarded.

I've been practicing my impression of you, and I think I've perfected it. Oh, no.

Here we go. You son of a bitch.

Dr. Phil, sit the fuck down. Sounded just like you, Tony. You son of a bitch.

Why would you say that about me? I do not even sound like that. What else you got, Aaron? What else you got up your phone sleeve? Yes, you do.

I fucking love it. I talk with a phone. I need you to lead me into the next bit. Ask me about sex. I know you're hard thinking about it.

Yes.

People keep asking me how I have sex. Well, it used to be really hard with one arm and one short leg, but my life changed in a shopping mall when I saw Crocs with a three-inch platform.

Sex is so much better, doggie style, than my Crocs.

I'll second that.

Yeah. I call it crocky style. Call back. She's on all fours, and I hold her down and claw at her back.

I don't think I ever want to see you do that again.

Okay, I was wrong. That was funny.

Second time's a charm.

I went to a bar last week, and a girl wanted to take me home. Unfortunately, I had to say, sorry, baby, I didn't pack my fuck Crocs.

I also have camo ones, so they can't see me coming.

I love it. Are you wearing them around L.A.? You go to the beach at all? You gonna go swimming in circles or something like that?

You son of a bitch.

I flew in last night. Yeah, looks like you got one wing down.

You son of a bitch.

What the fuck? Too soon. Aaron, just starting rumors.

Thank you, Aaron. I'm gonna be the first retarded guy to get MeToo'd now. This is great.

I love it. Oh, you like that one, huh? Look at you, just having the time of your life over there. Look who's just thriving, everybody. Look at this guy.

I love it. What else is going on? Anything else?

Yeah, he's killing. He's doing it. Aaron Belisle, Toronto, Canada.

You're a U.

S. citizen now. You didn't mention that.

Can anybody guess which son of a bitch?

You ungrateful fucking, crooked bastard.

Hey, Tim. It's so great to see you. Thank you so much for signing my visa. It looks like you lost some weight.

The visa's not free.

Oh, shit. I think he's gonna suck your dick.

Dr. Phil's gonna referee the dick sucking, it appears. I don't know what to say. Aaron, anything else?

I'm gonna be at Skyline in Appleton at the end of May, and then my Ohio run got rescheduled to June, so I'll be in Columbus and Cincinnati and more. I'm still adding dates, and I'll be everywhere, so follow me on socials and check out MuteComedian.com. I have merch. If you get confused about which handicapped guy is me, I'm the one who doesn't talk like he's masturbating with the hand in his pocket. Jesus.

You have more plugs than your Bluetooth.

All right. Longest interviewer ever for a guy that can't talk. Here, he is. What else, Aaron? If you get confused about which handicapped guy is me, I'm the one who doesn't talk, like he's masturbating with the hand in his pocket.

All right. Just one more insult to other handicapped people on his way out. Aaron Belisle, ladies and gentlemen. Golden ticket winner. Reigning, defending, always on fire, and we keep it moving along to the next bucket pool.

Another bucket pool. We gotta keep the bucket pool girls flying up here a little bit faster. This is our third bucket pool of the night, ladies and gentlemen. We're gonna give another person a shot here. Oh,

my goodness. What a life we live.

I swear to God, if these girls were in a wheelchair and unconscious, the things I would do to them. All right. From section 114, row 12, seat 5, make some noise for John Luna, everybody.

Okay.

There he is. John Luna, everybody.

What up? Holy shit. What the fuck? Okay.

Thank you.

I'm a big guy. I've always been a big guy. When I was four months old, I was 28 pounds. My mom should be in jail, dude. That's horrible.

I think she was breastfeeding me or chopped. I feel like that's the only way that could have happened. I'm Mexican, but I grew up around a lot of white people, so I'm Mexican, like the song Feliz Navidad.

Seems like they should have studied more in school. Seems like the only two Spanish words they know are Feliz Navidad.

I do want to be more Mexican, though. I want to lean into it. I want to be like a cholo, you know?

I want to get a teardrop tattoo,

but I'll get the one that's not filled in. If you don't know, that means you tried to kill someone and you failed,

which will be fine as long as no one finds out. it was myself, you know?

Thank you. All right, John Luna.

I would venture to say best bucket poll of the night so far.

Okay. All right. Welcome back, John. Too excited. Absolutely.

Do you always fake fall on your way up to the stage?

No, I thought it'd be fun here. I've done it before. One time I broke a window. Wow. When you lift your arm up like that, your stomach ass hangs out.

I want a straw in your elbow. I want to snort cocaine off your elbow.

Red band noticing something that only you can notice from his seat. But you do have unbelievably flaky elbows. What is that? It's psoriasis. Skin disease.

Who's got psoriasis? Who's got severe plaque psoriasis?

Baby powder. Just get a long-sleeved shirt. Okay.

It's a warm day. Oh, yeah. Okay.

If it's a certain temperature, you just go around grossing out everybody? You need longer sleeves and a longer shirt, and you need to tuck it in, and there's so much you need. It's unbelievable. We should almost give you like a.

makeover thing ready for this show. This is absolutely incredible. What's your love life like looking like that? Okay.

Open up. Open up. Take your time.

It's kind of hard to bring girls back because I live with my mom, so it's kind of.

Yeah, and you got bloody fucking elbows all the time, you know?

My mom's like a single mom, and I'm like an only child on her side, so her house looks like a sports memorabilia store dedicated to me and Jesus Christ. That's kind of the vibe.

John, let me ask you this. How old are you? 27.. What do you do for work? I don't have a job right now.

I got fired.

Where'd you get fired from?

Dave and Buster's? I was doing podcasts, producing and editing for a streaming service I wouldn't like to name at this moment.

No. Why did you get fired?

I was on a.

. Is there blood dripping out of your elbow? Is it dripping on the floor? You gotta go. Goodbye, John.

There he goes, everybody. There goes, John Luna, everyone. No, it's over. You're not dripping blood on the floor. That's fucking absolutely disgusting.

The lesson is don't fake fall anymore, everyone. There he goes, John Luna. Here's a little joke book.

Sorry to make an awkward ending, but that's fucking disgusting. Tony, that was the little boy on the back of the milk carton who was missing, growing all up.

So much fun we're having here. Oh my God, wait a second. Wait a second.