Armchair Anonymous: Dad Stories

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Happy Father's Day to you.

Fathers and fathers, how do we say that? Fathers and dads, and moms and sisters. Non-fathers alike. Fathers and non-fathers alike. Of course, for this special day, we're commemorating it with dad stories.

Dads are fun.

Dads are fun and unpredictable. Let's see. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm just trying to see if there's anything that can't be heard on here.

Yeah, there's some really funny ones.

Yeah, yeah. They're all good. They're all good. I don't think you'll puke during any of these. I guess that's all.

Well, one has blood, but it's okay.

If someone pukes because they hear about blood, I don't feel very responsible for. That's fair. But, like, pootie talk, bodily fluids other than, well, bodily fluids.

On a scale, for me, what's more nauseating is blood than hootie.

Yeah, I guess it's person to person.

It's person to person. Yeah. But, guys, listen to this. It's good.

Randomly, I was telling the girls about one we have coming up. Maybe it's next week or the week after. It's near death experiences, which is coming up. And then, in telling them this one story, it then reminded me of the bear attack story. Yes.

Oh, fun.

And it finished, and she goes, oh, yeah, there's no way you could have retold that story. I mean, it was wild.

Yeah. I had dinner the other night with Anthony and Allison, and they had a bear in their backyard, like, the week before. They had it on camera.

In Silver Lake?

No, they live in La Canada.

Oh. Oh, wow. So they had a bear in the backyard.

Yes, and a mountain lion on the other side.

Oh, what if they caught on video a bear and a mountain lion fighting? That would be a valuable video. Knock on wood. that they do get that, or that they don't?

I don't know.

Okay, please enjoy Dad Stories.

Hard times come and go.

Good times, take them slow.

Dad Stories.

Father's Day episode.

Oh. Fathers.

Pazzer Day.

Father God.

Father God, Father God. Hello, Alex, how are you? Good, how are you? Good.

You're good. Oh, my gosh, you're wearing a cute shirt. It says Girl Dad.

Yeah, I got a 18-month-old girl that's sleeping right now, and we're actually going to my wife's 35-week ultrasound here right after this.

Oh, wonderful. Wow, you're in it.

Yeah.

You'll have the exact same gap. we have, basically, 20 months or so?

Yep, don't know the sex yet, but the first one's a girl, so we kept it a surprise.

I'm guessing the second will be a girl, too.

Because of the shirt. Solidified it.

That's what I tell my wife.

Okay, so you've got a great dad story.

Yeah, so I've told this story a few times recently, and I've had a problem keeping my laughter under control, so I'll do my best here.

Okay.

So my dad is a great storyteller, and before we get started, I just want to say I love you, Dad. I'll do my best to recollect the story the same way he does, and I'm probably biased, but in my opinion, this is the best shit-in-your-pants story I've ever heard.

Wonderful, I love when prompts merge.

Me, too.

I actually submitted this one for the secret that a parent kept from us, because I was on the trip with him when this happened, and I'll explain what happened here, but he didn't tell us until years later.

Okay.

So I come from a family of seven. We would do these long summer trips where we'd all pile in our Chevy express conversion van.

Oh, baby.

Yeah, it had, like, the little TV between the front passenger seats. Every summer, we would take these big loops to a different corner of the U.S. and hit every touristy little thing along the road, and when I was really young, we would stay in a pop-up camper at KOA's. For this story, I was 15, so I'm the second youngest. There was only myself, my younger brother, and I brought a friend with on this trip, and we were going to the northeast, and we were stopping in Washington, D.C.

Oh, shit. Literally.

So we see him go up the exterior stairs, because that's the kind of motel that it is. He'd come back out to get his bag, and he didn't really say anything. He said, just stay in the car. I'll be back in a little bit. Well, he came back, told us, your younger brother needs to stay with you and your friend.

Did you inquire, why do you need to be solo tonight?

Yeah. He just said, I don't want to talk about it.

Oh, my God.

I'm trying to think what I would have thought. Assuming I didn't think he had gone in there and wreaked havoc on the room. Does he want to masturbate tonight?

Oh, no.

Hook her? Yeah, hook her. You're in this big city. What's going to happen in that room?

When you're young and your parents just say no, you're mad, but you don't think to ask why. Back then, you would just be like, ugh.

Yeah, I guess that's just personality type. I'd be like, what the fuck? I need a goddamn explanation. This is out of the normal pattern. What is happening?

Even though if your mom said no, you were like, okay.

Well, there was no begging. I definitely would have been like, why are we doing it this way tonight? Is there only a cot in that room?

Oh, that would have been a good excuse.

Can I see the room?

Oh, gosh.

I would have put her through the third degree. Okay, so you did it. You're like, all right. Your only objection was, I don't want my younger brother with me and my bro.

Yeah, so we're all together at Christmas, and we're all telling our best stories, and he busts this one out on us. And it's all coming back. Apparently, when he pulled into the hotel, he knew he was in trouble. when he got out of the van. He could feel that familiar feeling.

Oh, sure.

I'll just say that.

You said he was male, so I already knew that.

He tried to rush in through the check-in process. Apparently, it was someone who didn't really know what they were doing. And so when he got the key, he went up the stairs to open his room, and he couldn't get the key to open the door.

Oh.

That's when he was going up the stairs. He could feel the poop was starting to run down his leg.

Yeah, sure.

It was already out as he was walking up the stairs. Yeah. Because my prediction was, like, he told his body, I'm putting this key in the door. Six seconds later, we're unloading, and you tell your body that, and it starts that process, and then the key doesn't work. But he was already in hot water.

When he was going up the steps, we could see he was cupping his butt. And my dad's the guy that wears New Balance white shoes.

Normcore.

Mid-white socks, short shorts. And he's not a small guy. He's 6'3", probably 250.. Okay.

Okay, not a small boy.

And he couldn't get this door to open, so he panicked, and he started putting his shoulder into the door.

Oh.

Oh, my.

Until it finally pops open.

Oh.

Well, that's good.

Okay. He doesn't bother with the lights. He's just on a mission to get to the bathroom. So he takes off, and he trips halfway there. Oh, no.

Sure. Kind of running horizontally.

Yes. So he gets up enough where he runs into the wall, where the bathroom is. And the way he explains it is that it was just a shit explosion.

Oh, sure.

On the wall, down his leg, he gets up to get in the bathroom. As he's telling this story, he's doing his best impression of, like, the Dumb and Dumber scene of what's left, as he's in the bathroom. When he finishes, he comes out of the bathroom and sees in the bed that there are two people.

No, stop.

Under the covers.

No. Whoa, whoa, whoa. That are naked. No, no.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, what?

So it was the wrong door, probably?

What the hell? Double book or wrong room? Wrong room.

The motel says it was his fault for putting his shoulder in the door. The couple was upset because they said they gave him their key.

Can you imagine being the couple?

Oh, my God. Especially if you were, like, really into it and you were close. All of a sudden, a big bull comes, charging in and shitting everywhere. Smashing into the wall and shitting everywhere.

Yeah.

I'm surprised he didn't scream.

That's what I was just thinking.

I know. Maybe it happens so fast.

It's happened to me. Hey, or I would yell.

For whatever reason, everyone's innate response to that is,

Can I help you?

Oh, sure.

As if you could. Maybe they did scream, but he was so in his own zone that he just didn't hear it.

Sure. That is possible.

Okay, so he sees there's two people. He had to be in the bathroom for a minute, I'm presuming, yeah? Yeah.

I guess these two people decided to freeze. He didn't hear anything until he came out and saw them there still in the bed.

Oh, my God. And what happened next? Did he then get another room? I still don't understand why he can't have your little brother with him. It's not like he joined them.

I think they needed some alone time after all that.

Okay, well, let's see if there's an answer.

He ended up sticking around and cleaning it up. The other couple left. He felt bad. when he went back to the office. He asked if he could have some cleaning supplies.

He did a little bit.

I'm impressed they. let you guys stay.

It was an interesting motel.

Yeah, if you barge down a door in your first five minutes as a guest.

And then shit all over the room.

And then spray the place. And then now I got to get this couple another room. I wonder if they were having an affair, and that's maybe why they were so frozen.

I kind of wondered that too.

Oh, fuck. They thought they were getting caught?

Like early evening in a roadside motel. Could be.

Well, that is fantastic.

Yeah, I did not see the lovers.

Me either. That was such a good pop out.

Amazing.

Oh, well, Alex, God bless your dad.

He's an awesome guy and now we work together.

Oh, that's great. Any kind of dad that's driving to all four corners of the U.S. with a van full of kids. Pretty cool. Yeah, I tip my hat to this gentleman.

That was great. Before I go, I do want to say that the reason I started listening to you two was my oldest sister is an LMFT. What's that? Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. And she specializes in something that you described as an epidemic in one of your last fact checks.

Wait, no.

It was a little while ago.

An epidemic.

I say it kind of often.

Is it of divorce or sex problems?

Misophonia. Oh! Misophonia, yeah.

She specializes in that?

Yeah, and she did, starting 15 years ago. And when she was telling me about it 15 years ago, I had never heard what misophonia was. So it's kind of like an OG.

Wow. In on the ground floor.

So obviously there's tools to combat this?

Yes. She has her own practice and it's kind of blown up for her.

Yeah, because I guess, if you have it at a 10, you probably couldn't go to restaurants or anything. You can't even eat around other people in the extreme version.

And I think it actually depends a lot on who is the person that's doing it.

Doing the chomping?

Yep.

I was curious about that. Of course.

I don't have misophonia, but when I hate someone, I have it.

Yeah, it sucks.

Yeah, look at this fucking pig.

Wow.

Well, Alex, it was great meeting you. And I really enjoyed that story. And please send your father our love, because what a guy.

Happy Father's Day to your father and to you.

Appreciate it. And my sister just finished the first draft of her book.

Oh, she did? What's it going to be called? Give her a shout out.

She hasn't landed on a title yet.

But it's about misophonia? Yeah. Well, you can give her this title for free if she wants to use it. Misophonia makes misohonia. That's obviously a great title.

It's obvious.

And sex sells. So if she wants that, feel free to take it. Alex, great meeting you. Yes. Take care, brother.

Bye.

Here's Maggie.

Oh, Maggie. I'm Margaret.

Hello.

Hi.

Do you go by Margaret or Maggie?

You know what? I've had, like, all the nicknames, so you can call me whatever you like.

Well, I want to call you what you prefer, but Wobby Wob being the rascal, he is, he said, okay, Maggie's next. And I said, it's Margaret. He said, I'm assuming she goes by, Maggie. He put this in my head now.

You can call me Maggie. Only, very special people call me Maggie, but I would put you guys in with that.

A tiny circle.

Does anyone call you Marge?

Oh, yeah. In fact, when I was little, I was Large Marge, even though I was, like, a string bean, but that was Pee Wee Herman days. And, yeah, Large Marge, Margie, Margerine, Margo.

It's so light where you're at.

I know, I like it. Yes. I know, and I'm sorry I'm not in a closet. So this gear, I actually do a bunch of podcasts, but this is all, like, hardwired into a system, and we have really tiny closets in a super old house. And so I hoped that a good quality microphone overrode a closet.

Yes, that's correct.

It does, and you actually look like you're on an elevated plane, like, closer to heaven.

Where are you?

I'm in Newton, Massachusetts, so I'm just west of Boston, right near Wellesley, where you spent a night.

What a lovely place. Do you have cute little parks with walking trails like they have in Wellesley?

Everywhere. It's gorgeous. We just moved here a year ago from out west.

From California?

We were in California before us, where I met my husband, but we were in Portland most recently. Wow.

What a life.

Yeah, you're zipping around. Good lighting everywhere you go. Okay, so you have a great dad story.

I do have a great dad story, and it is when I was 13 years old. It was on my 13th birthday. And just a little bit of context, I was in Ottawa up in Canada. So I'm an only child, no siblings. And both of my parents were professional musicians.

Oboist? He's a freak. Who's drawn to the oboe? It's such a kinky instrument.

I like it. It's a weird one. I will say, he was world class. I'll give him a major shout out here. He was incredible.

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. That's so cute.

No, it is really cute.

It's so cute. She's not a teenager, yet. He doesn't know. Yeah, you don't know. You don't know.

It was, but for reasons that you're not anticipating. This was a long time ago and this is way predating the internet. And he looks it up in the yellow pages. He calls the balloonogram place and they gave him a list of options. And I really wish I knew the full list of options.

A bunny boy.

A sleep stripper.

So he's picturing, in all innocence, he's picturing this like good looking high school kid in a bunny costume. Now, what would a good looking high school kid be doing on like a Tuesday at noon? He's in high school.

I'm impressed. he was even able to conjure up something positive. When I hear bunny boy, there's nothing I can come up with in my mind that's going to be bunny boy. It's so weird. Send bunny boy.

He's trying to do something that was not a clown. As I said, I don't know what the other options were, so I could never help him like choose from the list retroactively. But back at Elmwood, okay, all these junior high girls in our little green uniforms and the crowd kind of parts. And there is this guy, this man, with slicked back, black hair, bunny ears, black bunny ears.

Oh sure.

A cape and balloons. who proceeds to rip off the cape.

No.

And start singing the most lurid happy birthday.

I can't remember if there was music or not.

He might have had like an old ghetto blaster that he put down. I don't remember. All I remember is him singing, dancing, gyrating. All he was wearing under that cape was the tiniest little thong.

Oh, my God.

At a private girls school. And he's trying to kiss me. This is illegal.

He's going for it. Is this the 80s, though?

Yeah, this is totally the 80s. He's totally not picking up on any cues. I am panicking.

Oh my God, this is traumatic.

It was so traumatic. All I can remember is seeing faces like girls laughing so hysterically. My girlfriend Odelia laughing hysterically. And all I can think is like, I'm going to be late to English class and I'm going to be in so much trouble. And I mean, my heart, like I died a little that day.

Oh my God, how long was his song?

It was probably like two, three minutes. It felt like hours. I mean, it just felt like it was never going to end. And I was trying to run away from him, but I couldn't because everyone was crowding in, because they thought it was so funny.

He's surrounded entirely by, and exclusively by, minors. Young girls. Young minors. Trying to kiss.

Oh, my God.

This guy should not have been trusted to go anywhere and represent the balloon company.

Definitely not.

Oh, the 80s.

Were there any teachers around also watching and laughing?

Janitor.

Actually, that's a good question. Probably there were. I don't know what they were doing. All I know is that by the time I did make it out of there to Mrs. Chance's English class, it was most definitely late.

He's like, it's balloons.

It's a bunny boy. He totally tried to defend himself.

Was he not in a big fluffy outfit with snap in teeth?

Totally. I got home from school that day and I was freaking out on him. And he was so hurt and so confused that this had happened to him. And it's really funny, because we all lived in the same neighborhood and they would bump into each other in places. She didn't forgive him for years.

I wonder if bunny boy is still with us. He sounds like he was living life in the fast lane.

I'm still a little traumatized by that. But it was, of course, the best story ever.

That's so incredible.

Oh my God. I wish there was a photo of bunny boy. I'm dying to see what he is. Because when you're 12, going on 13,, he probably looked 40.. But I wonder if he was like 25..

Probably. It was very skinny. It was very cut. But he was so like glisteny, right? Like I don't know if they had like lubed him up or something.

And in a thong at an all-girls middle school.

They had to escort him off the property afterwards. If he kind of hung out, he didn't want to leave. Oh.

Boy, your poor dad.

It was awful.

He tried.

I know. It was really sweet. It was totally typical of him. He had the biggest heart. He was always trying to do the right thing and he would try so hard and then, like spectacularly fail.

Is it fair to guess that he was like a savant and a genius at music, but then was maybe a little missing the boat in a lot of other areas?

100%. Practical stuff completely escaped him.

Yeah. Well, you turned out lovely. So somehow that all worked out.

I have to tell you both, this is such a Sim moment for me because I'm telling this story about my 13th birthday. I actually submitted this story for Gifts Gone Wrong way back. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's perfect that it wasn't picked and that it was picked this weekend because Saturday was my birthday.

Oh, congrats.

Thank you.

We're the same age.

I'm your elder. Come on now. Six months.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

To celebrate it, I decided to do something really audacious. I'm a distance runner. So I ran 50 miles. Oh. But the Sim part of this is, you guys don't know this, but you have been my training partners throughout this whole journey.

How wonderful.

And it has always been like my dream to be on it. And then I got the email from Emma on Friday, right after we were doing my planning meeting for my big run the next day with my friends who are crewing for me. And I went from being nervous about that to I'm so excited. It's a total Sim moment. And my dad's birthday is this month, too.

Well, you know, what I'm most excited for is you're going to be able to listen to this episode while you're running. So, right now, Margaret. I know. You're running. And we're with you.

And we're cheering you on.

Yes. Oh, my God. That's so impressive, by the way. 50 miles. Oh, my God.

Could my little 11-year-old daughter, who I let, listen very selectively to your Armchair Anonymous?

This is like a pattern. we've discovered that kids like Armchair Anonymous. Hi. What's your name? Sia.

Yeah. Humiliate her in her grade seven.

Wonderful. Well, nice meeting you both.

Yes.

Thank you. Great to meet you as well. Thanks so much. Bye. Take care.

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Sure. Yeah, that's important.

What was your first job?

I taught gymnastics at Fantastic Gymnastics.

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Here comes Jessica.

Here comes Jessica. Here comes Jessica.

Yes, yes, I'm Jessica. How are you guys? Good.

Nice to meet you. Where are you from? Where are you?

So right now I'm in Chicago. I'm from the northwest suburbs of Chicago.

Wobby Wob, ask her. What suburbs? Allentown. That's where I went to high school. You went to Front?

Whoa.

I went to the other high school in town, but me and my friend were trying to figure out. We knew you were like from the area, but we weren't really sure.

What year did you graduate?

2016..

06..

10 years gap.

He would have been coming back to town for his 10 year reunion as you were graduating.

That's rough. Gross. That's really rough.

Damn, maybe we saw each other at the pool or something.

Seascape?

Must have been before my time. It's not ringing a bell. Okay.

This is a miss.

No bells are ringing.

Okay, so you have a great dad story.

I do. Story takes place about 18-ish years ago in the suburbs of Chicago. I'm about nine years old at this time, and all my family is getting together for dinner at this restaurant that we frequent. Most of us still live in the area, but there's some out-of-towners and new babies, and my cousin's new boyfriend is here.

And how old's the cousin?

Early 20s, I think. Okay. So we're all sitting down. I'm by my mom and my dad, and we're also across the table from my cousin and her new boyfriend. His name is Adam.

Oh, wow. What was the cuisine? What was the theme of the restaurant?

It's like a bar and grill. Can I shout it out? It's called Hackney's. Yeah, absolutely. They have a nice onion ring loaf there.

Oh, okay. Okay.

Swishing around water in my mouth and putting it into the cup. So by the time that I'm done bleeding, there's a big, bloody cup of spit water on the table. And it kind of looks like a very potent Shirley Temple.

So it's not like a full Bloody Mary.

Or a wine.

It's more Shirley Temple.

Yeah, it's more Shirley Temple. But there's definitely my blood in there and my spit. So the evening's going on. We're having a nice night. And my dad begins to brag about being like a daredevil.

Ew!

What are you talking about, ew? We just had a long talk about eating each other's skin.

I still think it's blood.

Ew. Worse than skin?

Yeah.

Wow. I think I would rather do the skin over the blood for sure.

Yeah.

Okay. Blood?

No.

Yeah, he picks up the glass without hesitation and chugs the entire thing.

So everyone is mortified.

My grandma is so mad. She's upset. She thinks it's disgusting. There's shouts of disbelief and disgust coming from everywhere. And I'm pretty young, so I just start crying because I think I'm pretty overwhelmed by the reaction, the attention.

Oh, no.

You and Monica would be great roommates.

I mean, horrible roommates.

You could really whip yourselves up into a slather.

We could be afraid about everything together. But yeah, he's fine, and everyone is yelling at him. And he said something to the effect of, she's my daughter, she's my flesh and blood. Aw. I drank a cup of her blood.

Weirdly.

Yeah, I'll drink my daughter's blood. No problem. All right, cool.

Monica?

Well, I don't have one, so I can't relate.

If you had one?

I would drink it if I had to drink it. But for a dare, no.

That's not part of your identity as a daredevil. So that doesn't even appeal to you.

But if someone was holding them hostage and said, you better drink this blood, I would do it.

Cool. So yeah, that's just a story I tell any new boyfriend or person meeting my dad, just so I can get a good idea of what his personality is. Like, cute.

I liked that.

Yeah, I like your dad. He sounds fun. Did the boyfriend go the distance? Are they still together? Oh, yeah.

He's like a staple in our family, and he loves this story.

Well, yeah, because it shows a little bit of his color. Like, he's feeling quite comfortable if he challenges the patriarch. Seriously. And offers to pay. I'm flush with cash.

I got a 20..

He was trying to have a little fun, too, so I appreciate that. Is it okay if I bring my bestie out? Yes, let's get her in here. I want her to say hi to you. Emma.

Oh, this will be cute to see them try to share this. Hi. Oh, my God, you guys. Hi, Emma. How are you?

Yes. Oh, my God, yeah.

All day, every day.

Uh-huh. We discuss most episodes. We get really drunk and talk about how much we love you.

Oh, man. That's lovely. Do you have a favorite episode?

Yeah. Your mom's episode.

Oh, yeah. That's when I heard to listen. Totally. That's the first episode I ever listened to. It was incredible.

That's a classic.

I always listen to that one whenever I want a good cry.

Oh, that's nice. It's probably time to get her back in.

I would love that. Yeah, please do. Yeah, I think everyone needs it.

I guess it would be like about a five-year update at this point. Yeah. She has a whole other episode to tell, for sure.

For sure.

Well, it's lovely meeting you guys. We're very flattered. you're listening, and I think it's so fun that you're listening and then texting each other about it. I like that. Me, too.

Yeah. Always.

All right, well, nice meeting you guys.

It was so good to meet you.

Take care.

Bye.

Oh, that's fun. Isabelle, Isabelle. It does say Bella. I'm not making this up. I don't know if I trust you.

Yes, I go by Bella.

How long have you been going by Bella?

Pretty much all my life. I think in fifth grade, I wanted to go by Isabella, but I quickly changed that. It was too much for everybody. That's a lot. Yeah, yeah.

A lot to ask. Where'd you grow up?

I grew up in Hampton, Iowa, but now I live in Indiana.

Okay, so now you're in Indiana. Does your crazy dad story take place in Iowa or in Indiana?

It takes place in Hampton, Iowa, when I was 16 years old.

Ooh, sweet 16..

Yes, indeed. So when I was 16, it was April Fool's, and my dad is a big April Fool's person.

He loves it.

Loves it.

April's Fool's. people are such a tight. They are.

My dad was one of them. So, April Fool's morning, we have a gym class before school starts. And so I go and I pick up my friend and we get to this gym class, but we're early. And so I was like, hey, Lexi, I'm going to call my dad and we're going to prank him. And she's like, okay.

Oh, this is not a prank.

This is just a horrible, horrible.

Don't worry, he gets me back later. Okay. So I called my dad.

I was like, dad, we're in a car accident. Lexi, we crashed. I don't know what she's breathing. Oh my God. This is horrible.

I am like going on with this story. I hear my dad, he was making breakfast for work. He's dropping the pans. He's yelling at my mom. He's like, Maria, call 911..

I'm coming. And I was like, we're going to school.

And I am like selling it.

This is evil.

It was evil. I hear him grab the car keys and then open the door to our house to like leave. And I'm like, April fools. And he's like, Isabella. And there's a sense of relief.

Wow.

This is illuminating to what kind of family you're in. So this was fine. This was fine.

Lucky.

Yes. And so he definitely was like slightly impressed. Also a little relieved. And then I go to school and the day goes on and I forget it's April fools. I am coming home from school.

Oh, my gosh.

And he was just like, I was on my way home from work. And this puppy was just on the side of the road. And I picked him up. We're walking inside our house. He gives me the puppy to hold.

Wait, Santana or Zantana?

Zantana. It's a DC character, Dr. Fate's child. Oh. I was a big geek growing up.

You guys go rough on April Fool's.

You guys are dork.

Yeah.

And so my dad told me his whole evil scheme. He found a family friend who had a new puppy, went and picked it up, plotted this whole thing to surprise me after school and to prank me. I played on his worst fear. He played on my biggest dream. True.

Wow. Wow. You guys are made for one another.

Yes, we are. He's a great dad. I absolutely love him.

Did he come up with that plan in retaliation, or did he already plan that for April Fool's that day?

He came up with it in retaliation.

Yeah. He was like, I need her to understand how terrible that was. And the only thing I can think of is getting her to fall in love with something and then take it. Rip it away.

Yeah. 100%. And he did that before with my older brother, where my older brother really wanted a car. And so my dad took him to a car shop, said he could have this vehicle, that everything worked out financially. This is crazy.

No retaliation. I guess now I'm thinking he did deserve the fake car crash.

Oh, 100%.

You know. what's funny is, I think I have a very easy time not being judgmental, but this one's tough. It's hard for me not to go, this guy, this is rough.

Well, it's playful.

They like it. That's the thing. They're all consenting. Exactly. They all enjoy it.

Yes. Very playful.

Has he given up on his April Fool's-ing or do they continue on?

Well, now that I live in another state, it's really hard to like. get me real good. We try to every April Fool's just calling and saying fake news or something, but it's not as grand as it was when we were growing up.

Okay, I have a recommendation. This was a thing that a friend of mine's father did to get, even with a co-worker. You should figure out whatever the local Craigslist is for your dad's area, and you should say, sold. my two Harleys, have a ton of extra parts, pipes, bars. Just come by and get them.

You know, I think I will. That's a really good idea. He needs to be pranked again.

And hopefully a dozen guys will be showing up over and over again. That was fun. That was fun. Thank you, Bella. Of course.

Also, could my husband say a quick hi? He's a big fan. Yes.

Of course.

Of course. Okay, Jack, come here. Hi.

Hi, Jack. Nice to meet you.

It's nice to meet you guys.

Are you a prankster too? Because girls sometimes marry their fathers. Are you a rascal?

No, I'm horrible at lying. Pranks are not my thing. The idea of doing that to somebody just scares me. But, you know, they say one of your kids in the future will one day be like your parents. Yeah.

It's a healthy fear. Now, when you were getting to know Bella and she was telling you about her dad and what he was capable of, were you getting nervous?

Yes.

Is he an intimidating figure?

No, he's just like a teddy bear.

Oh, okay.

It was really funny because I asked for her hand in marriage from her dad. He was talking about how strong-willed she is and how evil she can be. How are you going to handle that in the future? And I was like, yeah, well, I don't know. We'll see how that goes when that happens.

Okay, so he gave you some warnings. He's like, you can totally have her.

He's like, let me tell you this story.