Armchair Anonymous: Piercing & Tattoos

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Go ahead and turn off this episode. right now. You can't listen to any of them.

Yeah, don't even listen to the intro. You might puke in the intro. Well, we were gonna try to get it so that the last one was the grossest, but I don't think.

It is, but they're all bad.

Yeah, I mean, look.

Except the first one.

The topic, of course, is piercing and tattoos. So if you let your imagination run wild, you'll come to some of these.

Oh, these are rough.

I mean, they're really good, but seriously, do not eat while listening.

No, I don't think you should do anything.

Or dry, just lay down.

Where you're not free to dry, heave a little bit without interrupting what else you're doing. Right, is that a good?

Yeah.

Again, yeah, you can listen to the first one and then shut it right off. Yeah. And I don't even know if tune in ever again, to be honest.

These were great.

I fucking loved them.

Yeah, they were. Yeah.

Please enjoy Piercing and Tattoo Stories.

Wow,

Oh, three days in a row?

What do you mean? three days in a row? Three days in a row, I look at my phone at 11-11..

Okay, you've looked.

It's good luck. You make a wish.

Piercing and tattoo.

Oh God, this one's gonna be hard. Oh God.

Hello.

Am I talking to Sid? Yeah. Hi, Sid, nice to meet you. You know what's stupid is, despite this being a piercing and tattoo prompt, it didn't cross my mind that when I signed on, I'd be talking to someone heavily tattooed and pierced.

Yes, and I'm a tattooer.

Oh, you are.

I'm calling from the bathroom of my tattoo shop. Oh, no shit.

Now, you would call yourself a tattooer, not a tattoo artist or a tattooist?

I like tattooer because you don't say painter artist or sculptor artist.

That's a good point.

And it's very unpretentious as well.

I try.

Okay, so this is great. So my assumption now is that you're gonna have a story about giving a tattoo as opposed to receiving.

I do. Yes.

Oh, please tell us.

I've been tattooing for almost 12 years. And this was in my first couple of years. So it was probably, I can't math that.

It was a while ago. So I worked at a very walk-in heavy shop.

and didn't have a lot of my own clientele. We just had a lot of people coming in off the street.

This man came in and it was my turn to do the next tattoo.

And the counter girl was talking to him.

And he had said that his wife had been in Germany.

and she got a tattoo for him. And he wanted to get one that matched to surprise her for when she got home. And he showed me the tattoo.

and it was on her ankle as a name, it said Clifford.

And he said, so I need to find a font that matches that. So at that shop, we had a big book full of fonts.

So we gave him the book, if he's going through it.

And in the meantime, he had filled out his paperwork.

and we got his ID. His name was Dave or something, John, something very plain.

Not Clifford.

Not Clifford. And so he picked out a font and we typed up

and he's like, yeah, that's perfect. But the S need to come down some more.

And I was like, okay. So typed up Clifford. I printed it out.

I drew in to bring the S down some more.

He's perfect. And then we resized it three or four times to the perfect size. And then he comes to the back, to my station, and we put the stencil on. It was going on the back of his shoulder. We moved the stencil three or four times, so it'd be in the perfect spot.

It's just a little name. And he looks at it in the mirror and he goes,

what the fuck?

And he's like, I just got my own name tattooed on myself.

Wait, what?

What?

Apparently he goes by Clifford. And then his anxiety of getting this tattoo, he ended up getting his own name instead of having me change it to Catherine.

Wait, what?

But he saw.

Well, I know why. Cause he brought in the photo of Clifford and he got myopically obsessed with the font and it looking correct. And he didn't think, wait, I'm not getting Clifford. I'm getting her name.

How could any, wait, no.

This is so insane. The fact that you did three stencils, though, that he should have at that point.

Oh yeah, he saw it a dozen times.

Oh, this person deserves that.

He was screaming at me to where my boss had to come over and see what was going on.

Our front receptionary was very separate. So I ran back up front and I was talking to our receptionist.

I was like, that's not my fault, right?

100% not my fault. She's like, no. So I ran back to my station.

My boss had calmed the guy down. He had finally was laughing at himself.

Okay.

So we ended up adding Love's Catherine underneath it.

Oh, that's a great solution.

Whose idea was that? That's a great fix.

I think mine, I don't remember. I can't imagine it was his. He clearly was not very smart.

Wow.

It was very stressful, especially as a woman being yelled at by this man. He was older than me and it was very scary for a minute,

but then he was fine.

The moment of him looking at it.

Oh, my God, realizing, oh fuck. I mean, I'm not going to say haven't done stuff equally as stupid.

You have never done something like that.

I haven't tattooed the wrong name on myself, but I have done several things that once it occurred to me, I'm like, how could I have possibly missed that? Or what on earth was I thinking? I was asleep there or something.

I totally got how it happened, but it was a shit show for a minute.

Oh, wow. Now, did he get the other two words for free. because of his own mistake? He did.

Yeah, I didn't charge him. What? No.

That's so unfair. You put in your time and effort. You got yelled at.

And I don't remember if he tipped me. It's been too long.

I can't imagine he did tip. Oh, Clifford slash Dave, who loves Catherine.

He does. I hope they're still together. I'm very happy.

I don't know.

I have low expectations. I don't know why.

I do.

But Catherine has got to be like, oh boy, what happened, Clifford?

That would be enough for me to end a relationship.

Hilarious story from then on.

It'd be fun.

Oh, my God.

That's a good point. That's a good point.

Well, you're very glass, half full.

And I'm all about silly tattoos. I'm covered in them.

How is your body from doing it? Because every time I'm getting a tattoo, I'm overly aware of how un-ergonomic it is to give one. And I know how pained dental hygienists are. They sometimes have ribs removed is common. They have all this repetitive stress disorder.

My shoulders and neck are pretty terrible. I hunch like this. Yeah. I have a client waiting right now. I told her we had to take a quick break, so I could go hide in the bathroom and talk to you guys.

What's the longest tattoo session you've ever had?

On myself, eight hours, which I can't do anymore.

I did that when I was much younger.

But doing them, I kind of top it out at four because I get tired.

Yeah.

Yeah. And then what's the most amount of hours in a day? you can do it? So if you did four and then you took a break, would you return? or you're done at four, period?

I usually work eight hours a day.

Wow.

Four days a week.

That's so tedious.

I own my own shop, so I can make my own hours and do what I want.

Oh, that's great.

And there's a steady supply of customers there in Des Moines?

Oh yeah. I'm booked out until mid-January right now. Awesome.

Oh, congratulations.

Yeah.

Thank you. So if you're ever in Des Moines, you gotta come get tattooed. A Liquid Swords tattoo in Des Moines, Iowa.

Wow, okay.

Could you hide a cherry in this next client's body? Would you feel ethically compromised if we just hid a cherry in there?

Probably not the one I'm doing right now. That wouldn't really be easy to hide. I'm doing a big leafy wrap around her lower leg.

Oh, wow.

Okay, yeah, that's not gonna work.

I'm sure I can. in some tattoo somewhere. I should get a cherry.

Yeah, why not? What's your policy on doing genitals and faces?

Faces I'll do all day long. I got a bunch of face tattoos.

Okay, great.

But genitals, I used to joke that I had a $1,000 handling fee. So then I got scared of who would take me up on that. And so now I just won't do it. If it was a good friend, I might, or like my husband.

Someone you trust.

But other than that, no. I don't wanna tattoo the kind of person who would want me to tattoo their genitals. Yeah.

Yeah.

That's really fair. And you're much smarter than Clifford, Dave.

I'll tattoo butts and boobs and stuff all day long.

Okay, that's fair. Well, Sid, this has been wonderful getting to meet you.

Awesome to meet you guys. I've been listening since day one and my husband listens.

Will you ever subject your clients to it? Will you ever play it out loud while you're tattooing?

I don't, because I also have four coworkers. Right now I can hear there's some death tones happening out there.

Okay.

Podcasts don't seem tattoo shop friendly. People need some music.

But we love mixed messages.

I could try it.

Can you imagine that you're getting a tattoo, you're so excited, you've dreamt of this for however long, and then you're listening to, like one of our very emotional ones, about abuse in a relationship. And you're just like, oh boy. This isn't the experience I was after.

I could play him. my favorite one. My favorite's been to Liv Pauly. I could play him that.

Early days.

Early, early.

I know, I loved him, though. My dream would be Killer Mike. If you guys could get Killer Mike on there, I would shit my pants and then I could call Liv for a shit your pants on channel.

Well, I want you to know I have gone as far as writing him an email and a text. I got his number at one point. So I very much would love to interview Killer Mike. He's just not been receptive thus far. All right, well, Sid, good luck with the wraparound leafy tattoo on the leg today.

You too, thank you so much. It's great to meet you guys.

All right, take care. I love it. We don't generally meet arm cherries that are all tattooed and pierced up.

Well, this is a ding, ding, ding, a Sim. Okay. A dad. I told you yesterday, but I'll pretend, like you, haven't heard it. I was at Kara a couple of nights ago.

Oh, you went to Kara? I got to really pretend like I haven't heard it.

Oh, yeah, okay, okay. At first I was like, yeah, I already told you. So, the other day I went to Kara.

Oh, my gosh, you love that place.

Yeah, I do, I do. It was good. I went with Anna and an arm cherry came up.

A boy or a girl?

Girl, her name is Peyton, shout out.

Peyton, shout out.

Peyton has a tattoo of cherries for this show.

Now, the first time you told me the story, I only heard cherry. There's multiple cherries?

Well, two. Oh. You can't just have one cherry.

I have many one cherries.

Oh, yeah, you can have one cherry.

I can, but Peyton can't.

I mean, that's because it's all in one scape, but if you just-.

It's raining cherries on there.

Look, also, you're right. You can do whatever you want. All right. But she had two.

Okay, yeah, the textbook two.

Exactly. It was textbook.

From the early sweatshirts.

It was like an outline, red. It was really cute. It was behind her ear.

Oh, behind her ear. It was cute.

Oh, fuck.

Should I get one behind my ear? Yeah. Okay.

Anyway, it was a Sim.

Sim, Sim. Sim, Sid.

Oh, my God.

Sid, Sim. Alex.

Hi. Uh-oh.

Still connecting. Still connecting.

Connecting.

We're having some-.

It's so stressful.

I think, is it us? Because the last connection was bad, too.

No, this is just her audio connecting from her computer.

Wouldn't it be funny if people were not in a closet, but they wanted to follow the rules? Like, they didn't have a closet, so they made it look like a closet, but it wasn't one?

Oh, like on construction paper? Yeah. They drew clothes, hanging and stuff?

Yeah. Hi.

Can you hear me?

Good job. Hi.

We did it.

Sorry about that.

That's okay.

Certainly not your fault.

Oh, it was.

No, it's just too hard.

Where are you at, Alex, other than a closet?

I am in Virginia, and sorry, my dog just slammed into the door, so he's on the other side.

Is he a big boy or a tiny boy?

He is a 102-pound German Shepherd.

Oh, my Lord, that's a big German Shepherd.

Oh, yeah, he's huge. Wow, wow, wow. My husband's in the military, so he did two deployments, and I was like, I'm getting a dog while you're gone.

Yeah, that's fair.

That's big enough to snuggle like a real human.

Yeah.

Yeah, right.

He got back from deployment,

so, were you the receiver or the giver of a piercing or a tattoo?

I was the receiver. I got my rook pierced.

Your what pierced?

My rook.

What the fuck is a rook? We don't know what that is. Other than in chess, the castle.

So the rook is like the hard cartilage that's right in the middle of your ear, and they basically just shove a bar through it. Oh.

Oh, like vertical? The doodad right here.

Yeah, it's kind of like at a slant, but this thick cartilage, like right here,

like. that's your rook.

Not the doodad. The big, big crease in the middle of your ear. Yeah. The fold, the convolution, that right there, that ridge. That makes sense that they gotta come straight down on it.

Okay, okay.

Real quick, what encouraged you to get that in the first place?

I had my earlobes pierced, and then I had two cartilage piercings, and I thought I was being edgy at 18..

Yeah. Are you not still 18??

No, I'm 28,, so this was about 10 years ago.

Okay.

So, like all good stories, this one starts at the Jersey Shore.

Oh, perfect. Are you from New Jersey originally?

Yes, yeah, I'm from New Jersey. So after prom, a bunch of my friends and I, my senior year of high school, rented a house down the Jersey Shore, but it was about eight months after Hurricane Sandy, so a lot of destruction, and not many businesses were open, and the boardwalk was like kind of open, so there wasn't much to do other than drink and go get an ear piercing.

But, Alex, 10 years ago, aren't we in the thick of Jersey Shore the show, or was that longer ago? I think it was like wrapping up,

but it wasn't the same area. I think that's in Seaside Heights. We're like a little bit north of there.

Okay, which is classier? No. Oh, no, okay, perfect.

So go ahead and go get my rook pierced. Again, thought I was being edgy, thought I was so cool, like going to get a pierce with a couple of my friends. You know, the week goes by, I go home, and I'm like, this is kind of infected, and I showed my mom, and she's like, it's all good. You know, put a hot compress on it, you know, just clean it, you're good.

Drink some juice.

Yeah, she's like. so not worried, so I'm not worried, right? I'm 18, I could take care of myself. So graduate, go to the graduation party, and my mom's, like, you, should ask Dr. A about your ear.

Oh my God, your mom is just like me. Anytime I meet anyone even remotely connected to the medical field.

If anyone's had organic chemistry, you're like, diagnose me.

Check this out.

Exactly, my mom's like, just go, ask him. He'll know what to do. And Dr. A goes, you need to go to urgent care immediately. Oh.

Was it painful, or just visually fucked?

At this point, it wasn't painful. It was just visually like, wow, that looks really not good.

Yeah.

Are you getting PTSD, Monica? Yeah.

Monica, I've heard your story, and I relate to you so much.

She went to Dr. S.

So, go to urgent care, and urgent care is like, okay, we're gonna try and take it out. I'll let you guys know, my mom and I tried to take it out. We were on YouTube. We couldn't figure out how to get it off, because it was a bar. It wasn't like a regular piercing.

Fuck, it was probably so swollen around the bar.

Ugh. Yeah, not good. So, go to urgent care. Urgent care is like, okay, can't get it out. They're like, let's try giving you some antibiotics to make the swelling go down, and come back, and we'll try and get it out.

All's good.

I'm literally sweating from my kneecaps. I'm so anxious.

It is just the worst.

So, they get it out, and they're like, okay, go take some antibiotics. If it's not better, you need to go see an ENT, which is an ear, nose, and throat doctor.

Take the antibiotics.

Doesn't get any better. So, at this point, it's like the end of June, and it's been like a month, and it is getting worse. It's getting discolored. Oh.

Gangrenous.

It was like purple.

Oh my God. Even with the antibiotics.

Wow. They're only so powerful.

Modern medicine is not where it should be.

Modern medicine is not helping, and I go to the ENT, and he's like, you need to have surgery immediately. We need to cut the infection out. He didn't want to scare me, but he was like, there's a chance we have to cut your ear off. No!

My God.

Oh, my God, you're gonna be Van. Gogh. We gotta give you the Van. Gogh. Oh, fuck.

But he's like, they make prosthetic ears. I am like six or seven weeks from going to my freshman year of college. Oh my God. I'm like, my life's over. I can't go to college with one ear.

Oh, my God. What? This is traumatic.

So, I go the next day to surgery. They cut out the infection. Thank goodness they didn't have to cut out my ear. Thank God. They admit me to the hospital because they want to keep me overnight, and they put me in the children's so my mom could stay with me, which was really nice.

Oh, yeah.

The doctor was really nice. All the nurses were really great. Come back the next day, and they're like, the infection looks good. We think we got it all. You look great.

No.

So, you have to stay in the hospital for another four to five days because they wouldn't let me go home. So, at this point, it's like 4th of July, and I can't tell you, I had the most wonderful experience in the hospital. The nurses were fabulous. They painted my nails. They played cards with me.

Oh, wow.

That's really sweet.

Yeah, so my head is wrapped up like I had brain surgery. My mom has taken so many pictures of me, and I look like a crazy person. And so, on the last day that I'm there, the doctor, who at this point was so nice, I saw him every day, he comes in, he goes, okay, you can go home. Before I take the, they put a tube in my ear to help drain some of the swelling and infection. Before you go, can I ask a favor?

Oh, wow. Oh, my God.

Do they even theorize, in that situation, how the infection started? Like, was it from the artist? Was it from the post? Was it something not sterilized? Did you not clean it?

They don't know. I also went in the ocean and after Hurricane Sandy, the ocean was like so gross.

You could have had some duty in there, yeah.

Yeah, could have been that. I didn't take care of it for a while.

You were hammered at 18, probably.

So lots of ways.

Yeah, I was having fun, 18, and almost lost my ear.

Not to shit on the Jersey Shore, but that sounds like a perfect Jersey Shore story. That feels like very par for the course.

100%, and I had friends whose younger siblings after prom did the same thing and ran to the house and my picture of my ear was floated around, saying, don't get piercings, like. this is what happens.

Wow.

Do you have that picture? I do, yeah, I sent it. I need to see it, of course.

Oh God, yeah.

Oh, Rob has it.

It's not for the weak stomach.

I can print it. Text it to me.

Yeah, or text, me too.

Was there any photos taken at Pinnacle Infection?

Yeah.

All right, here we go, Alex. Oh, wow.

Whoa.

For people who are trying to imagine what this looks like. Imagine you put a very good size grape.

at the top of your ear. Look at the next one. Ooh.

Ooh. Oh my, Alex. This is horrifying. Whoa, girl. That's it after surgery with the tube?

The one with the tube, yeah, that's the one after surgery.

It does not look any better.

I understand why they were like, we might have to cut off your ear. Oh, for sure. Like, this looks beyond repair.

Look how silly she looks with that big fucking head wrap.

Oh, my God.

I know, I looked like I had brain surgery.

How is it now?

Now, it's totally fine. It took like six months, but I have like some numbness and very minimal hearing loss.

Minimal hearing loss.

Wow. It's like shriveled up, so I can try. I don't think I sent a picture of what it looks like now, but it's totally fine.

Oh, yeah.

I wasn't worried about, like the color.

I'd like to see you give it another shot. Get back up on that horse and get that thing pierced.

No more piercings. Learned your lesson. Oh, yes.

Did your mom ever make an official amends? She was first on the scene and said, don't worry about it. Does she carry any guilt for that?

That's true. This is her fault.

Okay.

I was 18.. My whole life, she's been like, you got it. You're good.

Actually, this is a cautionary tale for you.

Absolutely. If I don't see the bone sticking out of the skin, it's time to get back on the skateboard. Yeah, I know.

There was no blood, no vomit, no fever. My mom's like, go on your merry way.

That's rational. Well, Alex, this was wonderful. I mean, I'm sorry you went through that, but what a gross story. We sure like them gross.

Oh, my gosh. I'm such a big fan of you too. It's so nice to meet you both. And if I could give a quick shout out to my uncle Scott and my cousin Haley, they're big arm, cherries.

Oh, shout out.

They were the first people I called when I got the email from Emma.

Lovely. Well, we're so delighted that all three of you are listening, and it was really nice to meet you.

Yeah, thanks for chatting.

We talk about you guys at our family gatherings.

Oh, my gosh.

Hope you guys have a great day. Have a good Thanksgiving.

Okay, you too.

Bye, Alex. Oh, happy Thanksgiving. We're there. We get to say that now.

Oh, my God, you're right. Okay, now I'm looking at pictures of that piercing, and it is cute.

Oh, you mean like non-infected versions? Yeah. You just looked up the hook, the gook. What was it?

Rook. The rook. It's cute. It looks painful. Rook to C4..

Hers either. That's good company to be in.

Because even my third hole regular feels funny now.

Third hole.

Let's move on to the next person.

My third hole doesn't look great either. to be honest with you. It's kind of a mess.

You have a third hole?

Yeah, my mouth. Oh, your mouth, you're counting, oh. In a sexual situation, the third hole is.

Yeah, I guess I'm more imagining, like, I'm thinking about women's bodies, I guess.

How many holes do you have?

Well, we have two holes.

Down there.

And a butthole.

What's your mouth? Pee hole.

Yeah, urethra, your, yeah.

I wasn't counting that, thank you for pointing that out.

Oh boy. Then your asshole. And then I guess we're counting mouth, so four. If you want to count belly button, because at one point it was. At one point it was.

Two nostrils, two ears, a mouth, that's five, your eye sockets, that's seven. just on the head. You're counting eye sockets, so you gotta count belly button.

Thank you, Rob, for your rationality.

It's not a hole, it's a divot.

It was a hole that they tied out.

No, it's a tube. You got an innie though?

It had a tube going into a hole.

You have an innie, it's a shallow hole.

If you can put something in, it's a hole. That's the definition of a hole.

I've not heard of that kink, I'm sure it exists.

Of a belly button?

People fucking belly buttons, it must be.

Yeah, and also like kissing belly buttons and putting your tongue in and stuff.

Do you have to be able to fuck it for it to be qualified as a hole? I think so, yeah. It's like a nostril, you're not really doing that either. Or your hole. If you have a slender enough pee, pee, you could.

Get it in there.

It can't be comfortable for anyone. I have such stretchy big nostrils, you could get a fair size dinger in there.

No, aren't.

Yeah, look it, both these fingers fit up there perfect.

I know, so the penis would have to be. Look it. That's not.

I'm sure many penises are that size.

It's smaller than a micro penis.

No, this would. No, that's kind of girthy. Put it this way. What are you? Let's be honest here, let's get real.

Yeah, but you're not doing it in your nose the way you would. Oh, well, do it, do it.

Look at that, I'm in there. That's better than a micro penis.

Two fingers. No, no, but you're only putting that.

It's a little damp from my snot.

You're only putting that much in.

Well, my nose is only so deep.

Well, that's what I mean. So this would not go all the way up your nose. Like that wouldn't fit. And that's what feels good in your vagina.

That's fine, that'd be fine. You're not suicidal over that.

I know, but that's because you have this part. This part, if this was the part the whole way, that's not great. I mean, it's great. It's great for you.

Whatever penis you have, it's perfect. And it may open up a bunch of new doors to you. Nostril fucking, belly button fucking, ear, ear hole fucking.

That's true. There are pros and cons to all things.

Oh, hi. Hello, hello. Oh, bye, oh, hi.

How are you guys doing?

Wonderful. My goodness, it looks like you're flying the Millennial Falcon or something. What's happening around you?

Well, this is a little fort I made because I actually don't have a closet. So I had to follow the rules.

You did a great job.

And you have so many soft blankets in your possession. The one behind you.

Yeah, it looks comfy.

Soft Surroundings, highly recommend.

Oh, great brand.

It looks like, oh, that's the brand. Oh, my God, it's also very descriptive, Soft Surroundings. Where are you at?

I am in Brooklyn, New York. I've lived here for about nine years.

Where did you move to Brooklyn from?

Grew up in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Oh, beautiful.

Love the Midwest and went to school in Omaha, Nebraska.

Nice.

Wow, so you moved directly from college to Brooklyn? Yes. Okay, so you're roughly what, 32?.

30..

30, 30 on the dot.

A big three.

Okay, so you have a piercing and or tattoo story.

Yes, so, to preface this story, number one, I am beyond ashamed of the poor decisions that I made personally and that we all made throughout this night. And the tattoo is actually just one aspect of the story.

Perfect, perfect.

Oh, I'm so excited.

So went to a all boys Jesuit high school. You can imagine it was just a sea of testosterone and immaturity.

But can I add that we've had a few guests on that, had the Jesuit education, and I found all of them to be uniquely analytical and like Socratic method arguers in a great way. I'm not for religious schools, but that one seems to be pretty good.

Yeah, I went to Catholic school for 10 years in my childhood and I really didn't want to do it. But the Jesuits have a different, I went to school with atheists, Jewish kids, Muslim, all the above, because they didn't care. Their philosophy was, we're just going to teach you how to be a good person.

Oh, I love it. Yeah. All right, we're pro-Jesuit. This is three for three, I think.

Awesome. The Jesuits, they whipped us into shape. by senior year. You start out realizing I have no girls to impress. This is awesome.

A Monica Padman type.

Exactly, Monica Padman, type. State champion of cheerleading, all that.

Scott. Is that what we said?

Yeah, the Scotts of the world really get people smoking.

So we landed in Dublin, day one, immediately hit the road. We hit a bunch of small towns around the south of Ireland, just kind of going to pubs, sipping Guinness, all that stuff.

The teacher doesn't mind that, because it's legal age there, and he's not monitoring that.

Honestly, that's one of the reasons why he does it, because we're 18 years old. He wants to teach us just about drinking, I guess. And we just graduated, so the school had no liability.

Ah, perfect. That's nice.

Which is really good after this story.

Really quick, when I was in Southern Ireland, I started drinking Guinness, but of course I quickly discovered Beamish. Did you ever have Beamish on draft there?

I never had Beamish, I had Murphy's.

Yeah, Murphy's is beautiful. Creamy, creamy, creamy.

Yeah, so we did that for a few days, and then we ended up in Galway, which is the first city that we went to. There was a really good nightlife there. So Mr. O'Doyle took us around during the day, and showed us some historical landmarks, taught us about the history of Galway, and it was a really great day. Then the sun set, we were let loose, and we started the night out, just having a few beers, horsing around, and then we ended up at a nightclub, and we thought it was a genius idea to take Jagerbombs.

Oh yeah, no, I'm well.

Yeah, let's go, let's go.

So we each had 10.. Oh!

Oh! We each had 10..

Oh, my God.

The Red Bull is really keeping us awake at this point, and keeping us a little bit wild. So we were going wild in this club, trying and failing to pick up girls, it was a mess. And so 1 a.m. hit, our very strict curfew, and Mr. O'Doyle was sitting outside the hostel, smoking cigarettes, watching everybody go in, taking note of who was late.

Sure. Got all those Jagerbombs burning a hole in your gut.

We can't go to bed right now, so how are we gonna get out? Well, front door is guarded by Mr. O'Doyle. Can't do that. There's no back door that we can go through.

Hammered.

We're on the third story. Yeah, hammered on the third story.

Oh, my God.

And there was a fence at the bottom, right before the sidewalk. We started shimmying down, and the first guys got down far enough, put one foot on the fence, and just sort of jumped on the sidewalk. And then third guy goes down, basically at the second story, he decides it's a great idea just to jump. So, he jumps, he goes over the fence, lands right on the pavement. He ended up breaking his foot.

Oh, my God.

But he didn't realize it at the time. He found out the next morning. Sure.

Did anyone bring up the notion that you're gonna have to get back to the third floor at some point?

We did not think that through whatsoever.

All right. Great.

Even though the Jesuits taught us how to think for ourselves, we did not think that through.

You threw that Jesuit training right out the window.

Exactly, after the fifth Jagerbomb. So, Scott climbs out the window, and he slips right away.

Oh.

He falls down, hits the fence, right here.

Oh, on his rib. In your armpit, basically.

Yeah, in the ribs. And he tumbles onto the sidewalk.

Oh.

He sort of slowly gets up, and we're all thinking, like, dude, that was a nasty fall. He gets up and says, okay, I think I'm okay. We're like, you should probably go back to bed. But he decided, you know, I'm gonna charge on.

Scott's God. He fires up a dart and keeps it moving.

Wow. Scott's too cool to go to bed. That's right.

Or to be hurt.

He was so cool about it, we all made the terrible decision to let him.

Oh my God, this is stressing me out.

So, we went out to a couple more bars, and then ended up at the tattoo parlor, where everyone got matching shamrock tattoos on their chest.

Oh, perfect.

Had to.

It was our 1100th shamrock tattoo. the guy had given out that day. Exactly.

Some drunk asshole from the Midwest. It's like, another one of these.

Do you have the Lucky Charms, leprechaun? I'd like to get that on my ankle.

That's a good one. I should have thought of that. But I chickened out, because I was a little bit nervous about getting tattoos. I've since warmed up to it, but I didn't think they were gonna give it to me anyways, because I threw up on the sidewalk right before I went in. Okay.