Bradley Cooper Returns

Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert. I'm Nick Shepard. I'm joined by Monica Padman. Hi there. Hello there.

Your friend is here.

My old buddy, my sweet, sweet friend, is here. Bradley Cooper. I don't need to tell you about Bradley Cooper, but I will anyways, because he's an award-winning actor and a filmmaker. He's nominated right now for 15 to 17 Academy Awards for his film Maestro. But before that, of course, we have A Star.

That's incredible. But you forgot to say Hit and Run and Brothers Justice.

Hit and Run and Brothers Justice. Yes, yes. Let us not forget. His movie. Maestro is out now on Netflix.

That's great. It was lovely.

Yeah. It was just very impactful and I really, really enjoyed it. So please enjoy my friend, Bradley Cooper.

I was worried about the traffic, but I'm okay.

Yeah, you did fine. Tell me about the Oscar luncheon. What happens there?

Klugman's coming.

Okay, great. Kluggy will be in tow. You mean the voice of T-Mobile?

That's right. And the creative nucleus behind it.

Shut up. Panay as well.

Yeah, exactly. You kind of can't beat his voice.

Do you know about his friend, Brian Klugman? Best friend since Philadelphia. And he and Panay are partners with Nate.

Oh, fun.

Yes. And Klugman's in the movie.

Oh, who is he in the movie?

I know.

Can we just break this down for a second?

Yeah, Rob, explain yourself.

So it's espresso with water. And then they have like a special whipped cream that they put on top. Who's they? Maru Coffee. Okay.

Shout out Maru Coffee.

Best coffee in the city.

Black Ops, whatever Nate talked. Who else do we know from over our time together?

Wait, who's he in the movie?

Mr. Amoroso, my cello teacher, when I was in eighth grade.

He's awesome in it. Oh, Klugman. I was just kidding. Another shout out. Oh, isn't he great?

That's what I thought. It's too early for jokes.

Sorry, sorry.

Okay, so your best friend Klugman.

I'm sorry, this is the first thing I'm having all day. No, isn't that great? It is good.

So it's called something, right? A cream top? Cream top. Also not a great thing for you to sip just before the photos, because it does look like you just blew an elephant a little bit.

Just right here, right here. That's what these hands are for.

This has happened a few times. I kind of think you're doing it on purpose, Rob.

One of his rascally moves.

What's going on up there? The shepherd, what's he doing?

What happens before the interview starts? Oh, we're all over the place. Back to...

Look at this footwear that's going on. Yeah, a lot of boobs. Oh, all three.

Yeah, I've done pretty good.

Where did you start from?

What movie, what movie?

TV show, Kitchen Confidential. These are from 2006.. Wow. Because I live in New York, but I still have the place here. But all the clothes are from like...

They're just getting older.

Yeah, so, like I wore these Benetton women's pants. I must have worn all the time. Remember those red, almost pajama-like pants? Oh, for sure. Yeah.

Okay, those were women's.

I got this when I was on a trip with my parents in 1997.. Really?

Oh, my God.

And they're still holding up.

Yeah, I wore them yesterday. With the failure to launch Army. Oh, my God. Do you do that too, though?

Yes, I was just complaining about it. I haven't acted in a few years, so I haven't collected any new stuff. Right. And now it's starting to become really apparent, especially if I have to wear a suit, because I've had suits made for the game show, but I was one way, so nothing fits me anymore. And I'm not going to fix that.

So everything's way too big or small?

For the last two and a half years, everything was way too small. I would put a rubber band in the little notch. Right. And then put it around the button for the neck of the shirt. Oh, that's smart.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So yeah, I don't know what I'm going to be looking like.

I believe we're 49..

Yeah, baby.

How's it feel?

I actually feel young. I feel like younger than I did 15 years ago. But I know it's coming because people in their 50s say, just wait, after 50, your body starts to change.

I feel healthy as I ever have. In fact, I was just thinking of you two weeks ago. I'm going to see how fast I can get to the very top of Griffith.

Oh, wow.

And I was remembering you doing that in Vancouver Island. Yes. And then I was like, I need Cooper. I have no comp. I don't know if I'm doing good or bad, right?

The fact that you could even do it is the win.

I guess.

Dude, are you kidding? I haven't done anything like that in years. Oh, you haven't? Oh, no. I don't run anymore.

You stay thin, though. I was watching you in maestro, and I thought you're really- I got super thin in maestro.

For the prosthetic, that was the best thing. Because otherwise, when you would put the stuff on your face, you almost look like a bobblehead. And then, after that, I'm like 181, 182, which is a great weight for me.

Yeah, probably the healthiest weight for our height.

Oh, no question.

Just diet, then.

Yeah, and work out. Work out in my bedroom.

Okay.

Like, body weight stuff.

I mean, we might need more clarification. No, I have like-.

Sprints to the toilet?

I have to show you a photo.

We see a photo of me working out.

My screen's video.

A video of me working out.

Let me show you a video. Here, I'll show you my routine. This was yesterday at nine.

What do you do?

So I have a Peloton bike that I used to use a lot. I don't really now, but I like the way it looks.

It's very sleek. People know that there's an athlete in the room.

And the other thing, the huge thing, is this Catalyst suit. Do you know about this?

No, tell me about that.

So this Catalyst suit that I was turned on to like four years ago, it's a certain method of working out where it stimulates your muscles through electro-.

There's like electropulses?

And it's a 20 minute workout. I've turned so many of my friends on to it. Because do you remember? when I was doing Sniper, my tendons were really sore? I was like, how am I going to be able to build the arms up to match my back?

Yes. Do you remember that? Well, you would focus very heavily on deadlifting for that.

Deadlifting my neck. Remember all the neck shit? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

The suit. You're still actually working out. Yeah, you're sweating.

Yeah, it's hard. And the great thing is, I just focus on my lower back and glutes, because again, as we get older, that's really the only thing that matters.

Yeah, but you already had the glutes.

I had the glutes, but not the lower back.

Okay. Yeah.

So you came with glutes into this world.

I did come with the glutes into this world, yeah. Which I've had a weird relationship with. Sometimes I've hated it, but often I've loved it. Basketball with Dax. Surely.

Tennis court. Tennis court. Let's be honest, though, where it really shines is the dance floor. That's true. I was just talking to a friend of ours about this.

I just loved dancing. So I was shy, but for some reason, get me on that bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah dance floor. Back up. And I felt like I was in a place of comfort.

You were at home.

Yeah, I did.

And the response from gals was that no other boys were dancing. So it was like, ah, finally, I have a fucking thing.

At least somebody's dancing. That's right. Just the fact that we were out there meant a lot.

I try to tell young boys, just get out there.

Get dancing.

You don't have to be good.

No. In fact, it's almost better.

Yes, it just says I'm a good time. That's right.

But do you think it works the same for girls if they're not good?

I still like it.

I think at that age, it's just about being out there and moving around.

It's a false flag of confidence, because it takes a lot of confidence to get up and potentially humiliate yourself. So yeah, even if a gal's dancing objectively, poorly, God bless her. Look, she's confident and she's moving. That's attractive.

I just think you guys might be a little misunderstood in that you both didn't like your faces, but you had nice ones.

Okay.

And so-.

Go on.

Continue.

What specifically was nice about our periods? Nice faces.

And so the dancing, even if you were good or bad, it was just like, oh, that's cute because they're cute.

Thank you, by the way. You're welcome. And it could be right. Whatever the outside perspective is what was going on, and that was one of the many things that we sort of aligned initially is our sense of self-esteem.

We were monsters.

And physically and all these things that we connected to, but that maybe the general populace were like, what are you talking about? But it didn't matter, because it wasn't like this thing. we told ourselves. We had a dossier of factual evidence, which would support that, in fact.

And that would refute, but you can't see that.

Yes, but in a court of law, we felt like we had a very, very good case.

Strong case. Yes, yes. We didn't even need to make a final closing argument. In fact, no. Once we bring the gals up that didn't like us, then we get down to standing meeting.

Let's settle out of court. We're like, okay, no, we're going to take this all the way.

We feel confident about the verdict on this one. Oh, can I just say real quick? Yeah, yeah.

I had this incredible weekend in Santa Barbara. They did this film festival and they did a retrospective and they made this montage of all this stuff. And then they showed a thing from Hit and Run, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You and I screaming at each other?

It was like a moment right before that.

You driving tough?

It was so quick, but it was like me looking at you. I think it was right before the fight. Wasn't there a moment where we just looked at each other?

Yeah, because we love each other and yeah.

Okay, because it didn't look like hate. It didn't look like hate. Oh, and then, when we shot the T-Mobile commercial, the DP did Hit and Run.

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, of course. Brad's stone cypher.

There's been a lot of Hit and Run memories. Oh, that makes me so happy. Because that was the limitless wig.

Yes, yes, yes.

Oh, and I was watching. We haven't talked in a little bit, but I've been completely turned on by reality television and I'm absolutely obsessed.

What specifically?

Well, Love on the Spectrum is the greatest show I've ever seen. Okay, yeah. Really loved The Golden Bachelor. That was my introduction into that world.

I didn't know that.

But I was just taking in the last season of The Bachelorette. Haven't finished it, so don't tell me anything. Okay, that's fine. But they were drifting and I was thinking about you the other day.

They went on a drifting date? Yes. Oh, maybe I should watch the watch. They've had so many years to try to wrangle everyone. I can't believe all the seasons.

I can't believe. So many.

It's true, it's true. It's going to be like they're going to have a bass angling episode or something.

It's true, they've done so many. What else can we do?

Spelunking.

Love is blind, my lord. Oh. Have you watched Love on the Spectrum?

Yes, the first season. I saw several.

We watched some during the pandemic.

I'm new to it all, but whoa.

It's beautiful.

Do you have a theory on why this is suddenly appealing to you? Sincerely.

It's not a theory. It's just a logistical thing.

It entered your life.

It's entered my life. Okay, and you can't turn away.

So I entered my life and I was like, oh. This is the most incredible reflection of human behavior and social dynamics. But Love on the Spectrum, you're watching these people just move forward with their heart and mind totally open, and they're saying the very thing that we're feeling and never have the courage to say. It's like one date is the equivalent of 40 of our dates.

Yes.

It's like, boom, let's get right down to it. How are you feeling? How's this going? I think it's going well. I'm feeling this way.

I don't like this. That's what always kills me is when they're like, no, I don't really like this. The first few I saw. I'm like, yes, dude. It's quite transparent to me.

I think it comes from a similar place.

Okay, maybe charismatic, deceptive adults.

I think it's about how to survive and understand what's real as a child. What's happening? Because there's conflicting signs that portray different realities. How do I decipher what's real so that I can survive? So I'm going to predict what's next.

Yeah. So these folks, you're like, oh, this is it. They're going to tell me I plan on double crossing you in 15 minutes.

Yeah, it's nuts. I find it very moving.

I struggle with it immensely.

Reality television.

No, no, I love it. I don't have a show currently, but I've had long periods. I love dating shows where everyone's fucking. I love that.

Oh yeah. I haven't seen those yet. You should watch.

Are You The One? Oh, really? Okay. Can I land on the premise for two seconds? Yeah, yeah.

Only two of them are right, meaning to the algorithm. Yes. Do we, as the audience know already?

We don't know. And so they're trying now to figure out which two had it correct and which eight other couples need to do-si-do and switch partners. Whoa. But people are already in love. There's jealousy.

Are they all living in this? Yes.

And they're drinking heavily.

Yeah. There's a lot of drinking in all these shows.

You gotta get everyone hammered. Yeah. Are You The One?

Do you watch Love Is Blind? No. Because all the cups, you can't see through them. So you don't know how much they're actually drinking.

Is Love Is Blind the one where they'll show a penis part? No.

Love Is Blind is where they meet in pods. I think it came out of COVID. initially. It did.

I did see that. I did see that. Okay. And then they're kind of falling in love with what you would hope they'd fall in love with.

Personality. Personality.

Exactly. And then they now get to see each other. Yes.

And they just did. Love Is Blind Sweden, which was incredible. Oh.

Was there a big cultural shift?

Very much so.

To the degree where there was no more engine in the show? Like they don't care what each other looks like?

Just different mannerisms, different way of communicating. But they dubbed it. So I didn't like it, because the voice is everything. At the end of it, they do the live coming back show where they find out what happened. And that they hadn't, I guess, had time to dub.

Well, they had small talk and pleasantries, which I appreciate about them.

And they're all real handsome over there in Sweden.

Oh, my God. Yes. I just met our boss from Spotify and just a run-of-the-mill guy in Sweden. But here, he's 6'2", broad shoulders. He's gorgeous.

By the way, you look amazing, dude. Thank you. You look amazing. You two, your eyes are crystal clear. Really.

Oh, wow. Thank you so much.

Yeah. Right? Doesn't he?

I mean, I see him every day, but yeah.

You look so calm and healthy. And is life good?

Yeah. Life's really good. Yeah. I carved out a really crazy, impossibly good thing here.

Yeah. But I mean, just everything.

Yeah. But this kind of then informs how much free time do I have to exercise? How much free time do I have to drop my kids off at school? It goes backwards from there. Of course.

Still playing the drums? Yeah.

Getting worse. That's the fucking bummer.

But still have it by the gym?

It's right underneath. I work out and then I play a little bit. And then I'm like, God, it's weird. I'm getting worse.

Tell me your ritual.

The exercise?

No, just like get up in the morning.

Oh, great. I'd love to. So self-indulgent. I talk about it all the time. Oh, you do?

So is this redundant?

No, he asked. He asked, so it's fine.

Yeah, yeah. So you've given me the blessing. I wake up two hours before the kids are up. Well, two hours before I gotta drive to school.

So five?

No, six. I gotta leave the house at eight.

How far away is school?

Two miles. I can do it in about nine minutes. Amazing. If I'm punching it. We drive mom's electric bolt there because I can do U-turns really good in front of the school and get the spot.

Still journaling. My God.

Yeah, I won't quit. Well, I quit for a minute and then I started doing opiates.

Because we've got nicotine and coffee in us.

Yes. And we're hammering that. And then we get on the commode and the girls start filing in. They start chatting with me, and it's amazing. They don't care.

Is this a toco commode?

Brondle. But same thing. So there's a heat.

Yeah, yeah.

I do my posting for this show at that moment. Like if it's a Monday, I put up the guests. And then the girls start coming in and out. And I wonder, is this the same with Leah? Where they can sit and talk to me like a foot away from me.

My bedroom is the bathtub and the toilet, the bed are all in the same room.

Yeah.

It's 24-7, dude.

Yeah, you can't even walk out of the bathroom. There are no doors, dude. And do you find she doesn't care? There's no door in my bedroom. There's no door to the bathroom?

No, the stairs go up and it's all in one floor. Wow.

Let it rip. Just move from zone to zone. God, I would love that actually. Because again, I'm moving through these little steps. But do you find that your daughter doesn't care at all?

Yeah, no, no. We talk. where I'm on the toilet. She's in the bathtub. That's sort of the go-to.

I have a great biological question surrounding this. Is it your genes that makes you not care? Or is it just the nurture of it all? It's insane that they don't care.

They must not be able to smell it. There must be something pheromonal.

Here's what's interesting. I didn't grow up that way.

Right. At all. No.

I don't think I ever saw my father on the toilet until he got sick. Like ever in my life.

We could have a hundred conversations. I need six hours. And we got to talk about nudity with a daughter. So it's like, we're the Swedish style or German. Like we're naked all the time.

And, by the way, I was like that. Not with my mom, but my dad. He was always nude. And always took showers with him.

There was no evacuation, but showering was fine. Okay. And you're quite comfortable nude.

Totally. Okay.

Then I take the kids to school. Then I work out. Then I research. Or research, then workout. One of the two.

So two workouts.

No, no. I said the order wrong. I would always research first, because I can't drop that. And then I'll work out. And then we generally record at 11 for the first time.

And meditation happens where? In this area.

Oh, in my bed.

So you sort of sit up?

Yes. If Kristen's sleeping with the girls, I can do that. If she's not, I wake up. I make my coffee. I bring it to the other middle bedroom.

Me too.

When did this start?

I'm like this.

Yeah, I couldn't do that.

By the way, I know this is crazy.

You do this dance thing?

I do because... You are supposed to. I feel that there's a difference. It feels like there's not one circuitous...

I got you. Yeah, it's supposed to be connected at all areas.

Right. That's why I brought up like skadoosh. There's something circular about it when you do that. A loop of energy. That's what it feels like.

You know, I'm doing this sort of like...

Touching your ring fingers with your thumb. Yeah.

It's the original position.

The Indians made that. Original position.

Yeah, they invented that.

The thing is never to rest your head against anything, obviously.

When did you start crossing your legs? Because, anatomically, I couldn't cross my legs three years ago.

I started like this. This is how I used to meditate.

You look like a schoolboy at his desk right now.

Then I stopped meditating for a couple of years. And I think when I started back up, that's how it started. And I always go to the roof in the West Village where I live. That's where I sort of try to go.

Even in the winter? Even in the winter. Better in the winter?

Well, it's interesting, because I bundle up. And then there's no chairs there, because it's just a 450 square foot little area. And I have a little plot of grass. And you haven't seen it. Yeah, I have.

The very, very top. I was in the backyard. I was in the bathroom slash toilet.

Just a tiny little deck.

Okay, lovely. Do you have mats? you sit on though?

No, it's just wood. So I just sit on wood.

That's so much tougher.

So that's why I had to evolve. Yes. Because there was no chair.

I'm so jealous right now. Because I'm leaning against, not my head, but my low back has got some pillows behind it.

Yeah, my lower back. There's grass, wood, and then I have wood on the wall.

Okay, so you're up against the wall. Fuck, because I was starting to think you were full. David Carradine style. No, no, no.

That would be really hard, dude.

I know.

This happens a lot, that I'll be mid meditation and I'm down here.

You slowly start drooping into the ground. Yes. I tell myself, you cannot think about this and also lift your head backwards.

That's right. That's what I always say. I'm like, oh, where am I? Oh, okay. How did my head get down to my chest?

Okay, is that first thing? You don't have any caffeine before then, do you?

No, so what I do is similar. It's like all predicated on. when do I have to get Leah up? So, depending if my mom is visiting from Philly, Leah loves sleeping with her all the way downstairs, and we have three dogs.

So first is the dogs. Oh my God.

The dogs are at 4.50 to 5 a.m. Walk down the stairs. So it's six flights down.

Oh, my God.

Five and a half, yeah.

No wonder you're not hiking. You don't need to go.

Take them out to the bathroom, feed them, go back up to bed, try to catch another hour. if I can. I always push the limits. God bless our school. Leah's always like, tiny late.

And it gives you so much self-esteem, right?

Well, I'll tell you why. Because there's a game-changing element to it. Okay. Hit my knees right away. Same prayer for the last 20..

Third step and 10 step.

Serenity, our father, and then a list of people. That grows.

Really quick. All this is our isms, right? So it's like, we got to meditate. No, we got to sit more properly. No, we got to do this.

Yeah, that prayer must take like-.

It's madness. 45 minutes. The last year of your life, will be making that prayer. And you'll have to add your name right as you die. Yeah.

And people have died that were in that prayer. Sure.

And then does it hit you emotionally or no? Sometimes no, sometimes yeah.

I'm always aware of it. Two of them have died.

Is Charlotte's name in there?

No, I don't pray for the dogs. That's interesting.

Well, Charlotte, I don't think you should pray for dogs, but maybe Charlotte.

Yeah, well, Charlotte was like a human. Yes.

Your girlfriend, right? You're like, let's leave it at all. Let's call it one of those.

No, but I'll be like, Dash, look at her. No, Dash, look at her. That's a beautiful woman.

I sometimes felt like I was interrupting things.

Speaking of, if I was in a relationship with someone who had a prayer like that, I would be obsessed with finding out if I was in that list.

Oh, sure. It would drive me nuts. You know what's really nuts is like in the 20 years I've been doing it, I think maybe I've missed like five days.

Wow, that's great.

Do you have a bit of a superstition, like I do about the journal and sobriety, that that's the cornerstone of it?

Not to stay sober, but I do feel like there's no better way to wake up and start thinking about other people.

Yeah, because the rest of the day I'm going to be thinking about myself.

Exactly. Everything is about, yeah, it's like, let's start it off.

Let's at least get ahead. Before we can even find today's obsession, let's make room for some other humans on planet Earth.

But do you worry? it will turn into a pathology? Because I used to do a prayer at night. It became bad, because if I didn't do it or I was forgetting something, it would become a problem. So I just dropped the whole thing.

There's something about the physical action of getting on your knees and putting your head down on your bed. That physical action alone feels so deferential in a beautiful way.

Again, it might be your only moment of humility.

You know, it really is like to start out like that. It's so part of like breathing. now. I don't really even think about it. That, dogs, back to bed, and then I put a cold plunge in the basement of where I live.

Dude, I thought you were about to say your bedroom. And I was going to fucking laugh. This is becoming a Korean spa in there, with like a bed in the corner.

There's like no room to move. So I jump in the cold plunge every single morning for three minutes. And every day I don't want to do it. Every day I'm in bed, I'm like, I don't need to do it. And I force myself to walk downstairs and it's cold outside.

I do too, but I'm only about three days a week. I have so many goddamn routines in the morning. That is like, I have-.

Yours are so similar.

Yeah.

It's crazy. It's a shocking. we can be friends.

It is really crazy.

Our birthdays are a month apart.

Oh, our sobriety birthdays.

Sorry. Yeah, I was going to say we're like five days apart. Yeah, yeah, our birthdays. Our birthdays, are three days apart. Yeah.

Both born deaf. Just a reminder. What are the ways in that- Both think we're ugly.

I know, I can't.

Both trying to get all the approval in the world. But everyone can line up neatly. And just walk up to us and say, you're good. And then turn to the left.

But then, don't forget, you got to come back and say it again in 10 minutes.

I probably won't believe it. 30 seconds after you left, it'll feel obligatory. Just a rotating line. In fact, if you could write it out, it'd be easier for me to-.

You have that. You're an approval junkie.

Honestly, I think I've grown a lot in the last three years.

That's great. Was there an impetus for that?

Yeah, getting older and realizing there are certain parts of me that have really needed serious work about intimacy with people. Women specifically. Like being in a real healthy relationship. And also because I'm a father and I'm like, I just want to- The least amount of damage that I could do to my daughter, please let me work on myself. And it's all just getting older and people dying and mortality.

Time's accelerating.

That's the currency. That's it. Nothing but time. And I think, being at a place where I felt like I was willing to go to those places. And a dear friend turned me on to this incredible therapist that changed my life.

It wasn't.

It was at least two years ago. You would have been promoting-.

I don't think it was-.

The Guillermo movie.

Oh, so it wasn't that long ago. Yeah.

When was that? 2021.. 2021?.

November 2021..

I thought it was- It was Thanksgiving.

So two years. Two years, two months.

I thought it was more than that. Okay. Yeah.

We're okay. A lot of that. Everything's okay. We can-.

It does feel like a long time ago. I was maybe like a year into it at that point. Self-esteem. And it all stemmed from, I don't know if you feel this, but creating a narrative about my upbringing. that wasn't really my upbringing.

Interesting.

Of like, I'm from Philly. I thought I was like a beautiful kid. And they thought I was a girl and a chip on my shoulder and loving parents. That's actually not exactly the situation. Yeah.

Our mothers were like our mother's husbands. Yes. And we are the golden child that was going to be minimally president.

But I guess that was part of my false narrative to a degree too. Was that all it was, or was there more?

I'm writing. this memoir. Doesn't need to be published. Right. I'm writing it so I can get that version that I'm so afraid to lose out of my head.

Wow.

There's the story I've been telling for my whole life. And now we're going to just set that over there. And maybe my dad was a beautiful guy. And maybe he was a loving.

Human.

Well, and also like physically nurturing. A hugger and a kisser. Who got that in the 80s? All this new information's coming in. that's like, and my mom, I love her to death.

It's not fair to her.

Yeah. I have no resentment over it. It's just like, wow.

I had a really clean story. I used to not even knowing it, because that's how the behavior, I just found myself adrift and starting with the real foundation.

Which, again, let's be honest, is just another one. Yes. I might reject the notion that there's a real one. It's just, there's all this data. It's just infinite data of your childhood.

Well, it's all a story we're telling ourselves. Exactly. And what one serves you in a feeling state, at least, I can tell when I'm more present, when I'm not. As a human being in my life. When I started to do this work of re-evaluating the foundation of my life and trying to look at it with a more critical eye on honesty and reflecting on true memory, I found that the benefit is I'm much more present in my life.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So to me, yes, it's another story, but it felt like, boy, it's way closer to something honest, because the benefits are practical. Does that make sense?

It totally makes sense. For me, I guess the thing I try to be critical of is the story is immaterial. Is the story serving to either excuse my character defects, justify me getting the things I want, or somehow setting up a situation where you'll be even more impressed by me because you know the story. So if the story has these kind of like self-serving gross motives, which most of my story does, I'm trying to self-aggrandize myself and seem like a victim and a victor at the same time. When I recognize that that's actually the purpose of the story, I think that's more what I'm currently honed in on.

But relatively speaking, we're already in the stratosphere on that benchmark. But what's the goal? Why are we doing this? And the goal for me was, I want to be able to be more of service to people in my life, and then me also. And I wanted to stop living in my head so much, really, so that I could be present.

What do those look like?

My relationship with my mother completely changed.

Oh, boundaryless, yeah. Like completely.

My relationship to friendships, my daughter.

Your bed, your shitter, your mother.

Three dogs.

Does she respect the bat? Like, does she like that they're up?

Here's the thing that occurs, and I don't know if you have felt this with your mother, but it all just effortlessly falls into place, because the bottom line is, I'm finally an adult. Do I fall back into adolescent and childlike feelings and behaviors? Absolutely. But my baseline as an adult, whereas before my baseline was adolescence, when I was in a good space, I could live in the adult world for a little bit, but that wasn't my norm.

Well, and Bradley, that's why work is so appealing to us, is that you have all the evidence of adulthood through work.

Because grown-ups work.

Yeah, and grown-ups execute.

And talk about there's boundaries. You're walking into a systematic, very clear...

There's a start time and a high time.

...hierarchy and everything. I definitely have escaped in work before.

Yeah, because it feels like a very adult thing.

Well, and being a parent is a very adult thing, too, that can be misleading.

Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

I think about that a lot, in terms of how does my relationship with my daughter impact her growth and the journey she's going to be on, and specifically romantically in life, wherever intimacy finds her. I've clocked that she's going to be seven in March. You know my relationship with my dad. Yeah. Spent a lot of time with him.

Yeah, same, same.

So that alone is bonkers.

Were they divorced?

No, it wasn't like I was estranged from my dad. Yeah, yeah. But the sheer just amount of time that my daughter and I have hung out is bonkers. I just can feel the safety that she feels.

It's so tangible.

It's palpable. That is so fulfilling. And again, this foundation that you and I created, manifested in order to justify the needs that we had growing up, was all based on living in an environment where we had to survive to understand what was real, right? I was playing a game my whole childhood, a survival game.

Why?

Because things were not as what they seemed. Growing up with alcoholism in a family is a very specific way to grow up. What you think is real, you find it isn't real. And it's earth shattering. It's like finding out that we're living in some sort of metaverse.

Not monitoring your every movement to try to predict what's next. Wow.

I want her to have, as much as she can, a foundation that's like 25 feet thick cement that she can walk on this earth with. That's the goal.

Of course. And do you find yourself having conversations with her, lying in bed or whatever? And then you leave and you go like, oh yeah, I didn't ever have a conversation like that.

All the time. Every conversation. Her ability to articulate her feelings at six years old.

My daughters can do a four step in like 30 seconds. By the way, no question.

Her mother and I are balled over at this human being that we're raising, that is able to articulate. And, by the way, in her voice, like. I don't even think I even found what my speaking voice was really like until, like, a couple of years ago. You know, I'm like, I think I'm lowering it a little. It's okay.

Sure, it's fine. Someone will love me.

Or more importantly, I will.

Yes, yes.

Our nine-year-old will have an enormous, I mean, she swears, which I love. Oh, you're like, you're not the fucking queen of this place. To her sister or something. She can let a fuck rip, and it's great. And she doesn't do it often.

I mean, it's unbelievable.

Oh, it's so awesome.

And by the way, thank goodness they're armed with that, because the world now is so much more complicated than it was when we were growing up. And the access to information, everyone's opinion.

Yeah, we just didn't hear it. We were making up terrible stories about everyone's opinion, but they actually hear it.

I remember being like 12 years old and hearing the term corruption. I remember like, what's corrupt? I didn't even know what like corruption was. Like, what does that mean? Asking my dad that.

Yeah, yeah.

You gotta wonder like chicken or the egg, maybe it's already just completely required. Like again, we didn't change and evolve until we were forced to. And it's almost like they have to already have found that.

No question.

Or they would be miserable.

This is all they know. But boy, it wasn't like that.

Isn't it? I mean, it is. People get sick of me. I sound like a proselytizer. I'm always- Being a parent?

Honestly, I'm not sure I'd be alive if I wasn't a dad. I don't know.

What would have happened? I think you'd be alive. I don't know. I think you'd just be fucking-.

I don't know, man. No. I'm not sure.

I think I'd be alive, but I also think- Do you? Yeah. I don't think I could have ever achieved real self-esteem. Oh, no question. That's really what it was.

And don't you think at 49 with no self-esteem, that's pretty scary?

That's bleak.

With your makeup? Yeah.

Was I gonna make it to 80?? That's pretty scary. No. All the things I chased to get that feeling that was not gonna be obtained through any other way than this. For me.

Of course. I'm just talking about my experience. I just needed someone to say like, we're gonna drop this massive anchor. And I'm like, why? We're speeding.

We don't know her yet. It's dope.

It's cool. I'm watching this thing morph. And then all of a sudden-.

I love that honesty, by the way.

That's my experience.

That's a lot of people's, I think, and they're afraid to say that.

I mean, my experience was totally that. Fascinated by it. Love taking care of it. Would I die if someone came in with a gun? It's only a couple of months.

She just arrived. She hasn't even had any drinks. I'm not committed yet. I don't know.

She could be an asshole.

A psychopath.

I could be doing you a favor. Who knows? And then, all of a sudden, it's like, no question. That knowledge alone.

For me, the thing is, I spent 38 years evaluating had I gotten enough love? Who didn't give me enough love? Who should have given me more love? Who should have been more of service to me? That was my only analysis.

Oh, interesting.

Committed your resources to? how much have you given? And I think having them forced me to flip the equation around, which is like my goal now is to give as much as I could. And then, of course, ironically, and against what I would have guessed, I feel the most love by giving it. I don't feel that love by receiving it.

That's right.

It's like the first permanence. Also, how about looking in a woman's eyes and going, I love you forever, for real. And I'm never going anywhere, for real. No matter how you act, what you are, I had not had that sensation before them.

Yeah, the word unconditional.

It actually means something. Yes. Yes. And I don't say that I don't love Kristen and won't be there for her. But it's like, Kristen could do enough stuff that I would be out.

But tell me this, even what you've already been through, and I'm just speaking hypothetically, you probably would have been out. The old guy.

Sure. If you lined them up at the beginning, it's like, here's what's coming your way. I would have been like, oh, keep shopping.

There's a sense of ease. I know exactly what you're talking about. It's like, I'm a different person, because it was always predicated on the behavior that could be happening. right now. I could be in and out.