Synced: Gate Boyfriend

Okay, you've been traveling.

It's true. Not as exciting as India, but I went to Seattle for 24 hours. Yes. I had a plane event.

Oh, my god.

A romantic plane event. Well, actually it was perfect, because, okay, so it was very like romantic comedy moment. So I'm at the gate and I see this guy and, like we both kind of double take, but then I go back to sit at my seat and I'm with my cameraman, Dean, who's like my age and like cute. And I'm like, oh, this guy's going to think this guy's my boyfriend or my husband. And so this isn't going to happen.

So do you make kind of gross faces at Dean?

Yes, I will.

It was just like, ugh, like you're so annoyed.

That's funny. I did like kind of stand and like it was on my phone a lot.

Like, we're work friends. We're not together.

We're not together. And then I fly a lot, so I get upgraded to Comfort Plus and Dean didn't. And of course we joke about it all the time. I'm like, bye, when I get called and he has to stay behind. And so then I was like, oh, this guy now probably knows, like we're not, I mean, maybe.

If I get upgraded.

Yeah. If you get upgraded, but your partner doesn't, what's the joke?

I would stay behind. Wow. Yeah. Even if it's, well, is it a trip to India? Then no.

Right. And if you're mad at the person, it's inappropriate. You should want them to sleep instead of being stuck in economy. But yeah, it's a tough, it's interesting. Or I think probably the chivalrous thing to do if you're the guy is to give the upgrade.

Yeah, that's rough. I think everyone has to stay behind.

Oh, okay. All the time.

I think so. I mean, even if I'm traveling with a friend and we're booked together, and then if one person got an upgrade, I would, no, you have to take it.

If you're a friend.

I guess it depends on the circumstance.

I mean, you have to be like, oh, like. your attitude is more important than like. if you're, you act like, oh God, this sucks.

I mean, I don't really know what I'm saying, because I definitely like when I fly with friends, often I fly in first class.

Separate. Yeah.

I guess I just imagine, like we both have the same tickets. We're next to each other. That's okay. If you're next to each other and then you get an upgrade and you're planning on hanging out the whole flight, it's kind of a bummer to ditch. It depends on where you're going, how long the flight is.

That's right. If the upgrade to first class is a smaller flight, it's like, okay, let's just, you know, but then I think you can also share in the benefits of business class by bringing them snacks and bringing them drinks. I'm sure you're not allowed, but hoard a lot of the stuff and then share so that there's class solidarity.

Okay. So now we're saying if me and you are ever traveling and this happens, we're allowed to take the upgrade. Yes.

And if I were you, you're definitely, but yes, I would be upset if you didn't. That would be my position. I don't need to hang out with people on flights. Yeah.

I'm the same.

I'm watching my movies. I'm reading my books. Like, I mean, we're not like 11, you know, like we can hang out when we get off the flight. It's true. Flying sucks.

Okay.

Okay. So I'm glad we sorted that out. Hash that out. Okay. So then I go to my seat and then I'm looking for a plug for my phone, because it's out of power and I can't find, there's only like a plug in the middle seat, not under my seat.

I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, this changes a lot.

A gay husband would be kind of great.

I have one. It's true. Yeah, that's great.

He's like a good looking, our age man. Like he's probably like 40, but like very spry and like athletic and like hot. Like, very, very, but also like, seems like a good person. Like, not like a hot, like you're an asshole, like hot, like you would stay back with me. Wow.

That was his opening line.

That was his opening line. You love that. We love when men tell us we're not crazy. It's huge. And then, even better, he was like, if the thing doesn't work or someone comes and sits down, like, I always travel with the battery pack and you can use it.

But could be controlling.

Oh, interesting. Why? Because he wants his phone to be charged?

He's just like, has a lot of his ducks in a row. Oh, in a good, look, so far, so good, but it could mean, I'm just saying, I wonder if he's a Virgo. Did you get his birthday? I did.

He is a Pisces, which was shocking to me, because men who are Pisces, we as a society know what that can lead to. I'm a female Pisces. Like, we're not, but a guy, it's kind of known that men who are Pisces can be, if they haven't gone to therapy, they can use their emotions for danger. Yes. Danger.

But do Pisces tend to get along with other Pisces? Are they compatible?

Yeah. My mom's a Pisces. I do have like a lot, I do know a lot of Pisces. I think we're compatible. I have never found that romantically.

As we've talked about.

So then I'm sitting there and then we're both like on our phones, but I'm like, this guy wants to talk to me. Like, I know. Like, I just could tell. And then no one sits in the middle seat.

That's meant to be. This is a meet cute. Oh my God. I love meet cutes.

And then it got even more meet cutie, where they come around with the snacks and in Comfort Plus they kind of have a tray now of snacks, so you can like pick one out with your own hands instead of them, like handing it to you like you're in a daycare. And so the flight attendant approaches us with the snacks, I'm barely touching the package of pistachios and the entire snack tray falls to the ground. And then there's snacks like 30 to 40 to 50 packages of like, just from everything from pistachios to chips to chocolate bars. And then we're picking them up. Our hands touch.

Oh, my God.

Because-.

Did you do it on purpose? No.

Tell us the truth. Look, I kind of knew that maybe our hands were going to touch. I didn't, you know, I didn't shy away. And then we're laughing and I'm like, oh my God, I'm such a ditz. Oh God, Liz.

Did you use that word, ditz?

I didn't say ditz. Okay. No, it just was very romantic. Connie was like, oh, my God, this thing happened. And then he's like, oh, it could have happened to anybody.

Wait, this was going or coming back home?

Coming back. Okay.

So he lives here?

So there's a moment where we're talking and I'm like, I see a photo of a child on his screensaver.

Could be a nephew or a niece.

The screensaver tells you more about a man than if he has a ring on his finger, honestly. If it's a dog, you're good. Like he's definitely not married.

What's on your phone screen? It's the boys. Oh, it is.

Kids, right? Or their wife or partner.

I feel like it's a little weird if you have just a picture of your wife. Unless it's the two of you together. If it's just plain your wife, I find that weird. I kind of agree. I don't think I've ever had a photo of just Natalie.

I love it. What? That's so sweet. Oh, you think that that is like overcompensating or something?

I think that's way too much. Weirdly attached. Yeah.

Wait, what do you mean?

Like kind of possessed. That feels odd. That feels so odd to me.

Oh, it's true that if I did it with my boyfriend, I'd be weird.

Yeah, if the background of your phone was just a picture of your boyfriend.

Unless it's like a goofy- The gay boyfriend. My gay boyfriend.

It can be your gay boyfriend, but it can't be your gay boyfriend.

That's the rule. Okay, got it. Phone backgrounds, I think, if it's your significant other, if they're doing like a stupid face or like it's a silly photo, I think it works. Oh, even then?

I don't know. I just-.

But the both of you is-.

Both of you make sense. to me. That's like a picture-.

But then you're on your own screen.

But it's like a picture of your relationship. I would have a picture of like, I mean, I don't because I have, what's it called? Pantone. Thank you. I have Pantone.

Interesting. I've only had a photo of another person. Who? My dad, on my knees. Okay.

That makes sense, though. Family to me is so different. Those are critical people. I don't know why. Maybe I'm crazy.

I see your point.

If I had like a picture of my friend on my phone and then he saw it, he'd be like, why.

am I in your background?

Yeah, yeah. Solo. Yeah, yeah. I could see, like Dax and Aaron having that as his background. I could see him having a picture of just Aaron.

What if your partner has a photo of you and then you have a photo of like someone else? Does that create conflict?

Yeah, that's weird. Yeah, it's weird.

So you have to be on the same page, maybe.

I think, just have pictures of your kids or Pantone. Okay. These are the options. Wait, what's on your phone?

I have a funny picture. Yeah. And I usually do. Like. I had RBG before, you know, things got complicated with my relationship with her post-death.

Okay. Okay. So the gate boyfriend had some kids on. Yeah.

One of the first things he talks about, I'm like, are you traveling for work? He's like, I work in Seattle for a company that creates like devices so that we can help people who need heart surgery. And my mom, oh my God, like two days before went into that surgery and he creates a device which would have avoided her surgery. It's like a CT scan that allows doctors to be able to not have to put their patients and do a catheter and everything. And he was super passionate about it.

This is a meet cue. This is so, Sim.

It was very, very Sim. But then I, yeah, I see, you know, I see the kid, he's being also like, he's not being super forward and like-.

But he had just met you like 15 minutes ago. It's true.

And we're on an airplane, which I've heard men now, because I asked Dean afterwards, he was like, I would never talk to a woman on an airplane. Like. I just assume that women don't want to be talked to on airplanes. I think that's a safe assumption. So anyway, talking about this thing, and I'm like, oh my God, my mom had it and he was like super interested in giving me advice for my mom, but then, yeah, I see the kid.

That's interesting.

Yeah. And so then he's divorced, has two kids. We're going into it. His astrology. What's it like being a dad?

It's close, though.

I know, but he has two kids. He has joint custody. When he has his kids, on the weekends, he's spending time with them and then he travels for work, saving people's hearts. It was so interesting because I could just tell there was definitely energy between us. But at the very end, I could just tell that we both were like, so great meeting you and we didn't exchange phone numbers.

Then that's sort of a beautiful- It was. Like capsule moment.

Exactly. I kind of am happy with the way that it happened.

But you might- Okay. It's just the beginning. Fuck.

I do know the hotel he's staying at in Beverly Hills. I won't do that. I won't do that. I won't go around Beverly Hills. And also, again, it had me thinking, because this is happening more and more, I'm noticing it a little bit as a little trend for my life.

It's non-negotiable. Except, okay. Let me just paint a picture. Delulu. Paint a picture.

Delta Lao.

No. I know you want that, so bad. I do.

I really do. I feel like that's where it's going to happen.

No, it's not at the Delta Lounge, because you're going to run into him here and it'll be like, wait, aren't you in Seattle? Oh. And then he's like, no, actually I moved.

I just moved.

What part of the city do you live in? Oh, I live right down the street. Oh, my God. I live in that building.

Okay.

Tiny problem. Oh, you don't like that.

No, I love this story. for us. The only issue is that his ex-wife does not work. Yet. That's true.

It's her first job in her whole life. She has to take it.

Okay. I love this.

I don't want you to wait for him, but let's not rule him out.

I know. It was nice that we were both realistic, but I like the idea that, I mean, that's everything everywhere, right? There's always multiple outcomes that we don't even know are going to happen.

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Do you want to hear a everything, everywhere, all at once? RIP in the time space, continuum happened while we were in India. Oh. Dax, me, and one of the members from Gates Ventures were at lunch and this couple comes in, this Indian couple comes in with this little girl. She was probably like three or four-ish.

Whoa. What was she wearing? Prada pants? Tiny little Prada pants.

She had a little microphone with her. It was a rip.

Did she have short legs? Well, she was like three or four, so. She did.

She would have loved if she had short legs, if she was me, because I wanted short legs.

That's right.

That wasn't everything.

We were all at once. Was that the first time that you saw yourself in someone or something?

Have you?

I've only seen other people in, other people, like my task. rabbit was my grandfather.

Wait, I want to make fun of you, but I also,

Yes. I've seen photos of Barb.

I hated it, but I had a weird vibe that my grandpa was in there. Okay, so your task, rabbit, was your grandpa?

Well, yes.

Did it look like your grandpa?

No, not at all. He came over, he didn't speak English, so we was using this app to speak.

What was his ethnicity?

Ukrainian. Okay. So my grandparents are Hungarian. Like it's not the same. Right.

Oh, no. But you know, does he think you are in love with him?

I don't think so.

Chocolates on Valentine's Day is pretty romantic.

But he came around that time and he went and got a screw for me. Thank you for my screw. Thank you for my screw. Yeah, there is some, definitely, some sexual undertones, but you know, that's it, I think. I don't think I've ever seen anyone in an animal.

I think it's nice to believe that about the task rabbit.

What do you think that is, though? That little girl in India, like, what do you think that?

I think she said something in Hindi, like, I mean, if I'm being realistic and practical about it, yeah, she just said a word or some syllables of words that sounded exactly like and just happened to be like such a crazy coincidence. But it's fun to believe that she's me in another life and that your grandpa is in your task rabbit and found you. Like. there's something beautiful about people finding each other again. It's nice.

I know, it's so special. Do you like have an inkling of you in a past life or like there's a version of you that's another race, another gender?

Not really. I've never, I've never felt connected. I don't think, I mean, there's definitely, there's jobs and things that I feel I would have been good at. Like. there are routes in life I could have taken that I didn't take, but I don't feel like there's another world that I'm doing that necessarily.

What are the jobs? What would you do?

I feel like I could be a psychologist.

You could.

Like. I enjoy that. So that would be a job that I would have enjoyed doing. An orna. I would love to be an orna.

You kind of are. We've talked about this. It's why, like dating us is, you know, it's hard because we're just like, you'll end up sharing more than you probably want to share.

You get people to share stuff that's like, maybe they didn't want.

It happened with my gay boyfriend, obviously.

What did he tell you?

He was like, again, like, oh, I'm a Pisces. Sorry to bring it back to him. You know, it's just, it's a big part of my life right now, but yeah, he's like, I'm a Pisces. And I was like, oh, are you like a prototypical Pisces? And he's like, yeah, it's like water.

Like Pisces, are not calm. Rough waters. Yes.

Water signs in general do not equate being even keel. And so I was like, actually, Pisces are typically more emotional. And he was like, oh, I'm definitely not that. And I was like, oh, like, how come, like, you know, and then he goes into, like his father is Japanese, very reserved. And so he never talked about his feelings and he had a female twin sister, but she also never shared, like, even though she was a girl, they just grew up in a household where everyone was kind of keeping things under wraps.

And he was like, oh, and then he started crying.

He didn't cry, but he was like, I'm going to be thinking about that for a really long time. He was like, that's actually like really true.

What's his rising?

He would never know. I mean, he was the least Pisces man I've ever met. Like he was, he was very matter of fact, he didn't come off as a Pisces. I mean, he's born on February 29th. Oh my God.

Leapling.

Exactly.

So limited edition. She's only, he's like 10 or 11.. Oh my God. I love that. I know.

It would have been, you know, it's not over, yet. It's not over.

I don't think it's over yet.

Wait, do you have something with someone that you think it's not over yet?

Oh, that's a good question. There is one person, no, there's two people on earth. One is such a stretch. Like there was never a relationship with this person. I just liked this person a lot.

Half of them don't work out.

And I don't follow him on Instagram, so I don't know what's going on. No.

How do you have the willpower to think about someone and then know that you have access to like a channel, that is, a portal into a lot of their lives and not go for it?

I don't, I like keeping him mysterious. I don't need to know too much about him. I think that might ruin it. I like the place he holds. There's one other person who I had more of an actual connection to, who I sometimes wonder.

It's like a fantasy more than like an actual-.

It's more like, oh fuck, should I have tried harder?

Oh, I hate that.

But then no. Like when I really sit with him, it's like, well, no, he wasn't the person for me.

Why do we do that?

Well, it's hard when people are good. Like, it really is. It's hard when people are nice and good and seemingly like a great partner, then you second guess when you're out of that relationship because you're like, well, what the fuck am I hoping for? But you're hoping for a special chemistry, and just because people are great doesn't mean you have that.

I am so guilty of that. I want to know more about why we do that. I guess it's like, okay, you're telling yourself a story. It's giving you an illusion of control, probably to be like, well, if I'd done this differently, then this would be, and it's like, no, but my mind will go to that a lot. And I'm like, can I break that pathway and just think about something else?

Maybe your gay boyfriend will invent it.

I always hear gay now.

Maybe your gay boyfriend or my gay boyfriend will invent it. Jess. He's not so much an inventor, but that's okay.

Okay. What if you had a device, because this happened on Love is Blind, like they gave each other bracelets, where, when they thought about the other person, it would buzz. If you had a device that allowed you to know whenever someone is thinking about, you, would.

you want it? No. No?

Absolutely not. You would?

Am I crazy?

I mean, not if, okay, look, I would get annoyed, but for a day, I would love it.

I wouldn't get annoyed. I would get paranoid if it wasn't going off. It would have such an impact on my self-esteem if it wasn't happening.

It would have a hold on you. Yeah.

I couldn't do that.

Oh, yeah. If you go a day and you're like, no one thought about me all day. But that's impossible. That's the thing. I don't know.

It's like likes. It would become a whole thing where you're like, five buzzes today, and then the next day, oh my gosh, only two buzzes. Those other people decided to stop. It would become, I think it would become bad, psychologically.

Like a black mirror, wow, we shouldn't be talking about this because someone's going.

to make it. Wait, do they make it on? Love is Blind?

Well, it's not reading your mind. He will touch it, and then it buzzes her. And then what's weird is that they got engaged to other people, or she did, and they're still wearing it. And I'm like, what? Love is Blind is nuts.

But don't you also think, let's say, you have that with your gay boyfriend, okay, and you guys are actually together. This is once everyone moved to Los Angeles. Then he goes on a trip for his heart. And you've been together like a year and a half. now.

It can get dicey, but then if you're in a fight, and then you get a little buzz, and.

you think, well, can't you just send a text?

I guess you can, but the little buzz is cuter. It's a way to break that. I love ways to break fights that are funny.

What's your best way? Farting?

If you can time that out where that happens, God, that's so great. Farts can make everything better.

Yeah, they bring a levity. Or, though, it can be aggressive. Like, oh my God, we're in the middle of something so serious, and you've decided to fart right now? Yeah, I could see getting pissed about that.

I wonder if any divorces have hinged on a fart. I think so. There's no way it hasn't. I'm not saying it's happened a lot, but it has happened.

Well, I know a couple, and one of the members farts a lot, mainly at night, and the other member is like, stop. It's disrespectful, because the other person just doesn't give a fuck, and it smells, and it's annoying, and loud, and this person has to just sit in this other person's stink, and it can feel disrespectful, or just not conscientious. Just go into the other room. You don't even care that I have to sit in your stink?

But it's happening while he's sleeping?

No, I think they're awake.

So he's doing it, like, right-.

Yeah, he just, like, doesn't care.

In the covers? It's like staying there.

I think a lot of people do that. Really?

We've talked about this, but, like, I've never gone to a point, well, not, never, two out of three, one relationship where he would fart all the time, and, like, it was just funny, and, like-.

Did it smell?

No, and he would go to another, he wouldn't do it in my face. Okay. Like, he would be, like, kind about it. You're right, it's a respectful thing.

Yeah. Okay. There's respect involved. Okay. I feel like we should get into some questions, but I did want to bring up one thing, just because it's on my mind, because I read it this morning.

And David knew?

Yeah. I guess his friend was at their apartment, multiple people lived there, and one of them came in at, like, midnight, shaved his beard, and then washed, like, did laundry. But if you don't know, you know, it's, like, it could be anything, yeah. And then, like, some sirens came. And for a week, no one knew anything, but they were, yeah, the neighbor was murdered and somebody else was stabbed.

Was this roommate a weird guy, or, like, I mean, I think he was, like, nice enough,

but in the web worm, he talks a little bit about some of his idiosyncrasies, and it is a little, it's only in retrospect, though, like, everyone, has little weirdo things.

And why did he kill the neighbor? We don't know. They just got into an argument?

No, I think the neighbor often had, like, parties, and he hated the noise.

The guy who killed him? Yeah. Oh my God.

I know.

I mean, sometimes I get really annoyed at noise, and I feel like I want to kill someone, but I don't.

Yeah, well, don't do it. Isn't that scary?

It's very scary. Do you ever think, okay, so we've talked about this.

About killing? No!

Oh.

I will be honest, I've never in my life had the inclination to kill.

I've never plotted a murder, like, or, like, thought about it as, like, a solution to any of my problems. But so many people get murdered that I think murderers don't think that they're going to be murderers. Well!

Don't you think?

Don't you think they're just like us?

No. It depends, I guess, on the type of crime or the situation or what happens, but often no. I mean, often people are, like, psychopaths or sociopaths, and they might not know that they're going to murder, but they're not like us. And then some people may find themselves in a situation. They might be more like us where they do it, but that maybe feels more like self-defense or something.

Okay, and if I came to you and I was like, I accidentally killed this guy, and, like,

would you... Turn you in? No!

Like, how would you react? Would you just be like, you're fine? Because I feel like that's what I would do. I would be that, like, idiot. Like, he, you know...

He deserved it. He deserved...

Like, it's not your fault. I would just try and help my friend, if my friend is you. Like, I know you're not a sociopath, I know you're not a bad person, and genuinely, like, you're going... Like, you murdered someone. Like, that's tough.

Yeah, I think I would say, okay, tell me what happened. Tell me everything that happened. Then I guess we'd come up with some sort of a game plan. Okay, here's the truth. If I thought you had gone crazy, or, like, something was going on mentally with you, where you were, at this point, like, a threat to others, I would turn you in.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Which probably doesn't feel good to hear, but if you're a threat to others, I have to. If you just killed your gay boyfriend in the heat of the moment, because it was too passionate, or if he was trying to hurt you or something, like, that's the... It's not fine, but let's figure out... Let's figure this out. Although, I don't know, what would we do if you killed someone?

Well, data shows that, like, women who are incarcerated, I think it's literally for murder, like 90% of them were in self-defense. So that's where I'm also like, that's not safe. You know, if she's not white, if she's, like, you know, it's just, like, there's so many vulnerabilities. But that's a good question. Like, everything I would do, like, even David's story, like, of, like, shaving your beard and doing laundry, like, I feel like.

Clean the blood? But then it's like, you're going to get caught, so that's why I wonder if going at it head on is better, because then you seem... You definitely seem super guilty if you get caught.

Yeah.

If you say, like, I was being attacked, this happened. Yeah.

How can you hide murder? Exactly. Did you ever watch Search Party? It's, like, all about that.

No, I didn't.

It's just, there's so many of all the crimes.

Too many things.

And just mess-wise. Try not to. Yeah. If you can avoid it. Ugh.

Okay. Well, on that note, let's do a couple questions. Yeah. I'd prefer if you didn't, because that will put us in a sticky situation.

I mean, I would, when I watch Succession, and, like, there's a, not to, like, whatever, if people haven't watched it, it's too, you know, it's your problem.

Yeah, it's your problem.

You killed a guy.

But do you think that's the same? He was culpable, but it was an accident.

That's true.

Okay, so if you came to me and you were like, oh, my God. That story. Like, I was drunk, and I drove somebody, and we drowned the car, and they're dead.

I feel like we should have a moment of gratitude of the fact that, like, we both haven't murdered anybody.

Actually, for real. I'm sure, by the way, there's listeners who have accidentally been in a situation where someone, I mean, I know people who had car accidents, and it was technically their fault, car accidents, or accidents, but people have died, and that, like, I, have so much sympathy and empathy, and that is, for the grace of God, go, I. Like, that could be any of us at any time. Oh, I'm really scared of it. I was thinking about it the other day, because I was driving, and this unhoused person was just crossing.

The same thing happened to Mateen, like, on Sunset, like, a busy street. This guy just walked in. It's tough.

It's scary.

It's sad. Stay safe out there, guys.

Stay safe, and also, like, life is brutal, and, like, things do happen.

Right.

I feel anxious. talking about this, like, something bad's going to happen.

I know. I'm going to knock wood, too. Is that real wood?

Yeah, this is wood.

It counts.

Great.

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Oh.

Oh, my God. Okay. This is a great question already. Okay, go. Okay, ready?

Oh.

Hi, Monica and Liz. Questions on Synced is the highlight of my week, so I had to see if you have good advice for this awkward issue I'm having at work. My coworker has a smell. For the past two weeks, every time he comes to my office to ask me a question or work on something together, there's a strong scent coming from him. It is very overwhelmingly unpleasant, and I don't know how to politely let him know he needs to do some laundry or clean his sweaty shoes.

And was it a friend that you also knew?

I didn't know the person that the smell was coming from. I didn't meet that person, and yes, there was a strong smell. It wasn't easier, but it was B.O. Deodorant would have fixed it. So then we had talks like, do we get her a gift basket for her birthday that has just a bunch of deodorants in it, sprays?

Especially since it's a superior... I think that's a real tricky... You don't want to jeopardize that. There is a power dynamic there. I also would want a second opinion, because we've talked about the smell.

Because then it could be just like a pheromonal thing, you're wondering.

Yeah.

But that's gossipy about a superior smell, and that is opening up a door that I don't know if is smart.

She could do it in a kind way. I think, again, there's a risk to everything. Obviously, the easiest thing to do would be to hold your breath when you're around him and not do anything so that you're not jeopardizing the relationship or your job. But I would perhaps approach the woman and do it with the best intentions, as you have laid out in this letter. I feel like someone needs to tell him, but do you smell it too?

Well, what if she's like, I don't smell anything?

Then you have your answer.

But then you're in hot water.

You invent something. I have a weird... I got a nasal spray situation. I must be... Thanks for telling me.

Unless that person who shares the office is close to you, it's tricky. I think you can only talk about it with someone who is very, very trusted. To get a second opinion. Or you could... Okay, me, and you almost tested this once.

Yeah.

We tried to do that once.

We tried to. It didn't work out. There were other reasons. I can't believe we actually...

Well, because we were trying to decipher, is it actually a smell or is it the smell, our own smell issue? Here's the other thing. If it's not a deodorant thing, she thinks it might be a stinky shoe. A stinky shoe. is that smelly?

Disgusting. If it's shoes, it's actually kind of good. Easy. Literally, when he comes into your office or whatever, you go like, oh, what's that smell? Do you smell that?

Make it... Oh my God, Liz. In practicality, would you ever feel comfortable honestly being like, oh my gosh, I think it's your shoes. Like to their face?

To their shoe, yeah. You get down on your... Like, so that you're almost like being naive and being like, that's weird. As opposed to having like an agenda. And then maybe they'll smell their own shoes and be like, oh my God, you're right.

Obviously, they don't smell it if they're walking around like that.

This is terrifying because I'm like, what if this was me? This is a good example. It was my sister, so I feel like she can do it, but I was at work and my sister was coming into town in New York and she came up to my desk and then she, like, hugged me and then she, like, pointed to her mouth and she was like, I think you should have gum. And like that was it. My sister is like the nicest fucking person.

This is like an impossible question.

I think it's hard.

I think what you, speaking of gum, every time you're in his presence, you should just pop a mint. I don't think it's his breath, so I don't think you're offering him, but sometimes to me, if I have like an Altoid, it's so strong. That's all I can smell. So then, if you just cover up your own nose.

You know what they do when they go into like houses of like hoarders and like people's houses are a mess, and maybe they haven't been taking care of themselves. They put Vicks under their nose.

Menthol. Yeah. It's like, yeah.

So you could do.

I think, okay. I feel like try three Altoids, because that's strong, right? That's a lot. I know. You need it to be strong.

I feel like even one is too much for me. Okay.

Try enough so that it's like kind of overwhelming and that's all you can smell. And then, if that is impossible, to keep up and also maybe try this thing with work, drinks to see if it's just you. Because, okay. There's a small part of me that worries. What if it's the food he eats or something?

That went through my mind. And again, I'm assuming this is a white person. But yes, if it's anything that could be different. Smells are subjective. Yes.

I wish we had a better answer. I hate to say it. I think it's like you kind of have to suffer through it and try the Altoids. Try to like just keep some physical distance if you can, and hope somebody else closer to him says something. It's somebody else's job.

There you go.

It sucks because you're the one suffering.

It's hard. There should be a word we use, or maybe there should be a bracelet. Someone like pointing you smell. And then you don't know who told you, but you know that you're smelly right now. Are you paranoid about your smells?

So paranoid.

I am too. I'm not saying everyone should be that way, but having a certain level of like checking yourself.

I'm extra. I'm so anxious. I'm anxious about how I smell. I think also from childhood, like being so worried that there was going to be a smell that was going to like be repellent. I don't think that's great either, but...

What if you write a note, like an anonymous note?

No, because it might open up this like crazy investigation. He might go around everyone and be like, who wrote this? Like we don't know what things will lead to. Like the murders. Like you don't know what this one act could lead to.

Could lead to, but also not acting could also lead to many acts. Like maybe this guy's single and he's showing up to dates with the smell and he doesn't know, and he's like, why aren't things working out? Again, I would want to know.

Okay. Meaning halfway for you, I think you could say, huh, what's the smell? Yes. Let it go, though. Don't try to figure it out in the moment.

Okay.

Like. I wouldn't figure it out for him or tell him about the shoes, but I think it's okay to be like, hmm, what's that smell? Do you smell that? Huh. And then just let it go.

Let it go.

And then do your outwit.

And leave them out. Leave little bits of evidence. Mixed vapor rub. There's something too about like the shoes being so gross that they're smelly. that's like.

That's so intense. Like that means there's, it's like waterlogged with mold. And I kind of know what that smell is. There's someone I know who had that smell in high school and it was really sad. It was so overwhelming.

That happened to me too, in high school, to a boy, but there was a racial component. I felt that it was very awful what happened to him. And I heard that a teacher had talked to the parents. The whole thing was one of the worst instances of bullying that I. Oh my God.

I know. Just don't sit.

Don't. Maybe, don't. Yeah.

Fix vaporoids and Vicks.

You'll be fine.

I think so.

It's true. We didn't consider that.

And now I'm only considering it based on this high school experience and now remembering the details of that person's life. And as a kid, you're not thinking much of it, but as an adult, like, it's really sad. That's true. So. I think you just have to suck it up.

Literally. Get him new shoes. Last thing.

For Christmas.

That could be a fun gift.

If you're close enough. It's like hard with a coworker.

We could be like, I got this free gift card from Nike.

That's always for advice. Like, I got this free thing.

Do you want it? Is it?

Yeah. It was your advice for a skincare thing too. I got this for free. Do you want it?

Because then it's not like, I went out and I bought this for you. It's like. I actually think of this. more. Just happened to.

I don't know if we did anything.

Can I put on the record, though? If I smell, no matter where it's coming from, I would really want you to tell me.

How do you want me to tell you if that happens?

I think you go, Liz, if it's a BO thing, like, I think you should take a shower. Being direct with me. It's coming from you. Like, it's not coming from like a random stranger. that's just like being mean to me.

Right.

I would appreciate it.

I want the same.

You have no smell.

I've never smelled anything on you. Ever. Just like I don't want you to murder. Also, try not to smell, because I don't want to be in the position to tell you.

Okay, so I will use that as a motivation.

Or we could come up with a word.

We could come up with a safe word.

But then it's the same thing. Yeah.

Might as well just say like, I feel like there's a little smell. And then we know what that means. Okay. My best friend, when we were growing up, she would take off her shoes and it was like we were inside a cheese. And I would physically go like, whoa.

That could have been like a puberty thing, because that's kind of common.

No, she still has it. Oh. Yeah, yeah.

It's like I would be so stressed. Not really.

Like she just knows. Cool.

I mean, it is much better. You're right. Because then they can just be like, oh, I know.

And that's great. When the person acknowledges, it's so nice.

Yeah.

It happens.

Oh, my God. This was stressful.

And some people love the bad smell. Like even someone's stinky smell will be someone's lovely.

To an extent. I think, moldy.

Yeah, moldy.

Is probably no one's cup of tea. Although I can't speak for everyone. That's true. Okay, we spent a long time on this, which we needed to.

We needed to.

So we've run out of time, unfortunately. Oh, there's some really good ones. My husband baby talks and I really don't like it. Yes. 25-year-old female hasn't orgasmed yet.

Oh, I love that.

Okay, so we're going to do those next week. That's a little cliffhanger for you. There's also many more. These are so good. Please keep writing in.

Texas, baby.

We're going to have a breakfast. We need to pick a place. Rob, where should we eat breakfast?

Maybe we'll do a TikTok.

Oh, my God.

Who knows?

Maybe. When in Texas. Exactly. All right. Love you.