Synced: Maxing Out

I bought it at Lazy Acres. The bar section?

It's so sexy.

It is. It turns me on. I feel like I will meet my soulmate at Lazy Acres. It has the vibes. Oh, also, I leave for London.

On Sunday? As in like in two days?

Yeah, I know. It's kind of nuts.

And then you're back in a week?

I'm back in a week, yeah. I decided to stay a week. And my two producers and I are just like, let's just like, have fun in London.

Oh my God. Ho-era. Yeah, British. I'm so happy for you. I have restaurant racks.

You do? Wait, yes. I have to give you all. Where did you stay? You stayed on the...

Last time, I stayed at the Connaught, which is in Marleybone.

Ooh.

Yes. It was so nice. Okay. Do you ever split up hotels on trips?

I literally thought about doing it and pulling a Monica and telling them like, do you guys want to stay? Because I loved a hotel that was only available for half of the time. And one of the people on the trip is a wheelchair user. And oh my God, I never have to do the work of finding an accessible hotel or accessible room. I think every non-disabled person should have to do it to realize just how much of a pain it is.

Okay. Well, I feel responsible to say, I don't think we can call it pulling a Monica, because I learned it from someone.

Oh, I see.

And it would be appropriation.

Yeah, cultural appropriation.

It's probably not cultural appropriation, because he's a tall, white, straight man.

Reverse cultural appropriation. Yeah, yeah.

I think it would be more just not giving credit where credit is due. And you know, that's a big trigger for me.

When white, tall men don't get... Did you say he's tall, or did I make that up?

Yeah, he is very tall. Okay.

What's his name? Give him the credit. I wonder if he'll be mad.

I don't think he will. Max.

Okay.

Not Dax. I'm not doing like a pseudonym. Dax would love for me to say it was him. Max. I think we should maybe call it maxing out.

That's good. That's good. I love that. Maxing out.

Maxing out means when you go to a destination, you do some nights at one hotel and then you do other nights at another hotel. I learned this because Callie, Max, and I went to San Sebastian last year.

Last summer, I think. Last summer.

Yeah. And we went. He planned the whole thing, which was unbelievable. It's his favorite food town in the world. And San Sebastian has the most amazing food.

Wow.

So he planned all these reservations and then he made the hotel reservations and I was like, oh, this is interesting. We're doing two hotels. And at first I thought it was just because one area was really far away or something, but it wasn't.

Oh, he's on purpose. Yeah, it was on purpose. He maxed out on purpose. Okay. Maxing out is, you have to deliberately do it.

For him it is because he loves this one hotel and it's really close to town. You can walk to town and that's when you do all these cool kind of tapas, they call them pinchos, there eating. And the other has this insane view over the ocean and there's a Michelin star restaurant in the hotel and it's very architectural and cool. So the hotels offer very different pros. A big pro is that you just get two different types of things happening in one trip.

Wow, interesting. Because you're diversifying and also, while you're at one place, you're looking forward, like this is just step one.

Exactly. You're not counting down the days of your trip. That's what I do. sometimes, as soon as I get to the place, I'm just like, oh my God, only four days left. Oh, only three days.

That's how time, right? They talk about how to make time feel like it's passing slower, which is something we're all trying to do all the time with some anti-aging, longevity studies, whatever, like optimization. But there's ways that they've found out, like how to make your weekend last longer is just to do more things. So if you, obviously sometimes I just want to veg out and I don't want to do anything and I don't want to go, and I just, I want to be, right? But the weekends, where I felt sometimes like the most, like, ugh, kind of dragging my feet going out, even though I don't want to do it.

Yeah. It's two trips in one.

Yeah. But see, like I'm such a creature of habit, even going to one hotel, changing beds for me is a whole big deal. And like the first night, I probably won't sleep well. I'll need a little Benadryl or something like that. And then, like the second night, I'll kind of get used to all the things and the sounds and then I'd be like moving.

It might not be for everyone. Maxing out might not be for everyone. I don't know. That's a really good question, because I don't have that. When I'm in big cities, it really is about big city travel.

Right. And you're discovering a whole new neighborhood too. Exactly.

That's a huge part of it.

It is. Wow. Okay. Maxing out.

You might accidentally have to max out if you want to go to this hotel. What hotel? I'll cut it if you want.

Maybe you don't have to cut this. In order to stay in accessible, like again, accessibility, there's like a tax. I just thought my friend, if she's listening, she's going to hate this. I always thought, oh, she's just always staying in nice hotels. Oh, like bougie.

Yeah.

I was like, oh, she must have like expensive. That's pulling a Monica. There we go. That's the difference. Overspending.

Wow. Good for you.

If you can do that. Yeah. There's a lot of opportunities, people. But yeah, I just thought, oh, she must be, she just has like, she likes to stay in really nice places. Now that I've done the homework, I'm like, oh, and the most expensive hotel, when I get on the phone with them, they're like, oh yeah, of course.

It's like an episode of Full House.

Is it? Do they do that in Full House? Yeah. Did I forget that? Yeah.

When the kids have to be the dads for a day. I don't remember that. Don't remember. I remember it so specifically because they had to make peanut butter and jellies and-.

The meal of the 90s.

The meal.

There was no other meal.

They had to make dinner for them, I guess, or lunch. They made peanut butter and jellies. And then Danny Tanner was like, I want my crust cut off. And then, you know, they all are acting like children and being really annoying. And they all learned their lessons.

Oh, they always learn their lesson. Yeah.

That's the thing.

It always had the most on the nose, but like comforting, and you knew there was going to be the lesson at the end. I know. Even how manic it would get or how it'd be, like, they're never going to get out of this one. They always did.

Do you remember the one where Jesse Kitsopolis is- That was his name, right?

Uncle Jesse?

Yeah. I think Kitsopolis was his last name. Who's Kitsopolis?

Uncle Jesse. Oh, that was his last name? Yeah. I don't know that. I don't know.

I think it's right. His uncle or something came into town. He was obsessed with his uncle. And then I think his uncle died.

He did on the show.

Wow. You don't remember it.

I really don't remember much. I really, I mean, I haven't rewatched either. Do you know what it's like? I'm rewatching Full House. Honestly, I'm like this close to just rewatching Full House.

I don't know if it holds up.

I don't know if it holds. Like, do you remember that? Okay. I don't know. This might be too creepy, but, like, I don't remember how Uncle Jesse would like kiss them on the lips.

This is interesting. You mean the, the, the, Mary Kay Nash? Yeah. I do remember that, but also I don't know. I guess it's weird in context that it's a show and that an adult was kissing not his family on the lips.

I'll say this, okay? I feel like when I watch stuff that happened in the nineties, whether it's an episode of Full House or like a home video. we were watching with my family a couple of Christmases ago, it was like our daycare. They had a Christmas, a Santa Claus come in and like give us presents or whatever. We're all watching together and all of a sudden Kat's brother is sitting on, you know, the lap of Santa Claus, and then he walks out and then someone says, give a kiss to Santa.

Okay. That's bad.

But no one went, oh my God, everyone was like, woohoo. So I just feel like the nineties stuff was happening. It was different. It was a different time. And my position is, I think it's up to the family and I think it's great.

I find this conflicting because I used to kiss my dad on the lips, I think, until I stopped saying good night at night.

Oh, when did you stop saying good night?

I don't remember how it happened or when it happened, but I used to before bed every night, like go find my dad and say good night. And we would kiss.

See?

I know, but it's not.

I know. I know. I don't think it's gross.

It wasn't gross at all. I would give him a kiss. That phrasing does sound weird.

We would kiss.

You're right. That phrase of go, give someone a kiss was common.

And now it's, especially with gentle parenting and the way that I think kids are being raised, I feel like I've seen Instagram carousels about this of like, you shouldn't, even like a hug, like that. you shouldn't have to force a child to be affectionate or something.

Yes. I agree. And I've heard that too. But also, Dax kisses the kids on the lips all the time. I kiss Delta on the lips.

Totally.

But I definitely don't think there's anything wrong with it.

I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

Except stranger. I mean, I do think it's a stranger and a Santa. And the kid is being told to. Yes. That's disgusting.

Things that happened in the 90s, I want to think back. I mean, just also the way we were eating and also the way we're eating now is also nuts. I think it's like, now. we can't eat gluten. We can't eat anything.

Pure sugar. And then your drink is sugar.

And then two pieces of toast with butter. I'm like, what? No protein.

Cinnamon sugar toast.

Cinnamon sugar toast.

Just a bunch of butter on bread and then dropping sugar and cinnamon. I loved it.

Yum. What was your favorite cereal?

Oh, I love when all of our worlds, our armchair worlds, collide. It happens sometimes. It's really fun. We have a flightless bird on cereal. I don't know if it's coming up or it's came out already.

When I was young. I was going to say you were so adult. No. No kid. If a kid has life as a favorite cereal or something.

Oh, it's so good. It's also so sugary.

I feel like it's not. Isn't it kind of like Shreddy's?

No, you're thinking of shredded wheat.

Oh, okay.

Life kind of looks a little bit like shredded wheat. It's much thinner, but it has a bunch of sugar. Now, if I eat it, I eat it for dessert. Okay. But back then I liked Honey Nut Cheerios.

So good. I still love it. I still love it too.

I want it.

I want it right now. Can we order? Can you Uber Eats? Is that it? Why can't you order cereal?

But you probably can from like Holiday Inn.

I love those little breakfasts. I know. Where you make your own pancakes. Continental. Ew.

Even now, post-COVID, germ wise, I feel like it just.

But no one really uses it. I feel like it's usually underused. That's why I feel bad. And I feel like I want to give it some love.

You're codependent.

Codependent's so awful.

Well, we made our way back around to hotels, which is we left it open. So you were saying everyone should switch jobs. and you were saying it because we really do need to see what it's like to have to be in this world with a disability. Yes.

I kind of thought I knew, or I knew, but I didn't know. And yesterday I was so annoyed. I was like, and I kept wanting to just text her or call her and be like, oh, so, it's all UK numbers. So half of them aren't answering or like, and I kept getting mad and I was like, I'm feeling this on a visceral level. This is so frustrating.

But you found a hotel. that's not, it has to be a nice one. Yes.

It's a nice one. In Shoreditch. Oh. Because I love Shoreditch. You know, I used to live in London.

Did I know that?

I've never talked about it, but like, you, well, like, you know, I did school in London, right?

I think I just knew about Denmark. I keep.

Yeah.

I did a lot. Denmark.

I went a lot of places. Okay.

So you lived there.

I lived there. Yeah. Yeah. And I lived in Islington, like Angel, like, so close, close to Shoreditch. So I really wanted to like, go back and have fun.

Have you been to Brat in Shoreditch?

What's Brat?

It's an insane restaurant. They're known for their whole fish. They grill this whole fish and it's unbelievable. And like, I don't know. I think they just put like salt, pepper, but the way they do it, it comes out and it's so flaky.

And the shopping in Shoreditch is, I just remember there'd be like really cool markets and like-.

Like vintage stuff.

Vintage stuff. And I'm just excited to be not here. It's going to be nice. It will be. To escape a little bit.

There was something I was going to ask you. You went to an event last night.

It happened.

Ugh. I'm sorry.

Well, because you didn't come, I ended up, okay. So I invited a friend who's in town, and then I kind of almost fainted. I wasn't feeling great, but I thought like, okay, it's fine. I'm just probably stressed or feeling whatever. And so then I was like, I'm going to pass out.

Wait, what? While you were there? Yes.

While I was at the event, I had one little sip of a, now I'm like, I kind of had one sip of a drink. But then- I know, because I'm trying not to, but whatever.

I'm like- I know, but it shouldn't be for anyone else. Right.

You're right. So I had one sip and then I was like, oh, I really don't feel well. And we were standing. I was like, can we sit down? Like I couldn't like stand, but I was like, oh, sitting down is fine.

Oh, my God.

And so then I was like, I'm going to pass out. And then my friend took care of me.

Wait, who's your friend?

I don't think you know him. He's like 10 years younger than me. Really sweet. We ended up making out like, like we had, like a whole, it was a really, but almost like, I know, I know, I know. But yeah, it was like one of those, like, he's so sweet and so kind.

Give us deets.

Yeah. Yeah. I will. I basically was saying goodbye to the artist, Alexandra Grant, who's amazing. Shout out.

Well, they have to be, they have nowhere else to go.

They have nowhere else to go. They don't have cars where they, and we both don't have a car. So we were just kind of outside of this event, on this bench, you know? And then we were just, I was just lying on, you know, on his lap. And then he was, like, you know, caressing me, not in a sexual way, but, but like, give.

me a kiss.

No, we just kind of were looking each other's eyes and I was like, thank you so much. And he was like, you're amazing. And then we just started kissing. I was like, wow. Okay.

Oh man, thank God I didn't come. It was a blessing in disguise.

Maybe. Maybe it was the universe.

Did you feel embarrassed?

Yes.

Of course. Not that you shouldn't feel embarrassed. No, of course. But I, I, just, I, that kind of thing is so triggering for me.

It is. I felt awful, and that's why I was so, I kept saying, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. And he was like, no, I just want to make sure you're okay. And what do you need? And what, you know, he just kept being so sweet, like golden retriever.

What do we think happened?

To me? Yeah. I don't know. I think it's a mix of my health stuff is up and down and then maybe stress.

Did you eat enough?

I did, but I woke, I've slept a lot the night before, cause I hadn't slept well the nights before. You know, it's just, I think it's.

Yeah.

I was worried about not being able to come in today and, but I woke up and I feel okay. I really do. I feel okay now.

You're probably not taking your element.

Actually I haven't taken element. So.

So that's the cause. That solves it. Yeah. Electrolytes solve every, if I had been there, I would have, that would have been the first thing I did. Yes.

That's so true.

It's like, I would have got water.

You would have had element with you. Oh yeah. I have it on me.

And then I would have just poured it and been like, Liz, drink this. Instead of my face in your mouth. I would have shoved the electrolytes.

Also, what I love about it is that it was like friends making out. Really? Yeah. I feel so, I feel the both of us know this is not a thing, and it was kind of nice. I was like, oh, we both, just like, want to hug someone.

We are supported by way list. You just got back from a festive trip.

I did. It was so great. I went to Winter Wonderland and Hyde Park and they had major, major roller coasters.

I love a little, a little winter getaway.

Me too. Getaway. Getaway. Oh my gosh. Yes.

One thing about the winter is my hair gets very crunchy. I guess it's the lack of humidity. It's just dry.

It's drier and you're going to more things. So you're using more styling products, hairspray.

That is really true. So it's good to, for right now to have like really good hair and body products. Yes. And there's a little slay.

When my hair isn't cooperating, I can just use their oil and just make my hair just slick. I love it. As slick as it's ever been.

I use it for styling like a slick bun or something, but also I just like throw it in my hair and toss it in when it's feeling frizzy, and it's so nice. It helps with, like the tangles and so easy. Don't miss your chance to get away this holiday season. Go to theouai.com for 15% off site-wide when you enter promo code SYNC. That's theouai.com, 15% off with code SYNC.

Me too.

Of just making out with zero expectations. That's the fear. on dates, right? Like there's pressure around the end. And I do think we've talked about this before, when we were younger, that wasn't as much of a thing.

You're having fun. That's so true.

And it doesn't matter. And so you can just make out and then be done with it. But now we're at the age where it's almost, it's kind of impossible to do that. I mean, you can tell yourself, oh, I'm just having fun. I'm just having fun.

Of course. What you're saying is so true. And there's so much weight. Dating in your 20s or even before, that, it's just, oh, I want to kiss you. I want to kiss you.

Well, I never had it, by the way. I never experienced that. That sucks for me. But I don't think I can now do it. It's not like, well, I didn't do it then.

Time to wrap this up.

Or not have one. But this like middle ground, I'm not all that interested in.

Do you feel like you can't do that because of how you feel or because of how it's set up, like the expectations of the other person? Could you just do it for fun? Or are you not able? I don't think so.

I don't think I want to. I either want to be alone or be in a committed relationship, with security and TV shows at night and stuff like that. And companionship at a constant. And I know the only way to get there is through dating, but I don't like dating. I want to be at zero or 10..

Same. I want to go straight to the sweat pant phase. Yeah. I want to have like two dinners and then like straight to, then we're not ever doing that again.

Like watching couples therapy together. Exactly. I almost...

That should be the first date.

I almost suggested it to someone of like, do you want to come over and just watch the show? But like, that is...

Code, for let's go, make out. That's crazy.

Oh. Also, yeah.

Yeah. But then not.

As soon as you start that show, it's like not a romantic show. But it is what I want to watch with someone and then talk about.

I love this. I think we should both do that. I think we should both have dates where we watch couples therapy and then we see... Because you're right. There's an old blah, blah, blah.

I know. I just think that's definitely crazy, but it is what I wish and want.

People who tell me they love dating. People love it.

And also good for them.

Yeah. You're right.

I don't. I hate it.

I would love someone who loves dating to give us their reasons so that I can understand. Because I would love to love dating. Past the age of like 27,, 28,, I was like, let's wrap this up. It's hard.

Yeah. Okay. So, the makeout. So, he didn't have the smell.

No.

Thank God.

He doesn't. He had the opposite. Wow. It was great.

What a great evening.

Yeah. I mean, again, I almost passed out. I didn't. And then I got a makeout out of it.

That's so scary.

Have you ever fainted?

Yeah. It's so scary.

It is. You're like, what's my body feeling?

I have like PTSD from it.

When did you faint? It's like having a panic attack or something like that, right? You're like, are you afraid that it'll happen again? Keep happening.

Yeah. Yes. I lived here. I was babysitting for this family. And I don't know what happened.

It was before. Your pre-element era. It was.

It was before I knew. And I was babysitting and it was like, luckily, thank God, the very end and the mom had come home and I like sat up and I felt this weird sort of like rush of sensation. I was like starting to pass out, but I wanted to just get out.

Yes.

Yeah. Because the idea of someone else seeing me in that sort of vulnerable position is such an it's a deal breaker.

100%.

So I was just like, bye. I just like walked out, as I'm like stumbling out of there. Like crazy. And then I get in my car and then I was like, I can't. Thank God I had some level of humility.

Okay, good.

And I like, kind of just like fell over, and I feel so bad for the mom because she was like, what's going on? Like she was so panicked.

Oh, I feel so bad for you.

It was so embarrassing.

But it's not embarrassing. It's not. It feels like it in the obviously in the moment, same thing where I was like, I have to get.

out of here. No one can see this.

Nick can see it, maybe. But even then I was still like, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. And while I'm, you know, just dying. So she took care of you.

And she gave me some probably juice, as all moms do. And it was fine. And I don't know what. it was, probably just body doing weird stuff, but I was already at that time in life. I was so anxious.

But it feels like it. It feels horrifying. Yeah. Why?

Some people like fainting.

Yeah.

Some people love fainting. Love it.

Love it. I mean, I feel like we're both like this, where I power through. Sometimes to your point, I'm like, why am I even powering through this? I could just, yeah, I could have passed out at Fred Siegel. You know what I mean?

Right. Like ruin the evening. Yes. Yes. Be the reason.

Or I'd be like the center of attention, even though, like I can't help it. It's not like I want to fall and get attention, but it's going to happen. So I feel like when I get in that mode, or again, I feel like I'm going to throw up. Something in my body happens where I just go, no, it's probably bad.

It is probably bad. We talked about this last week, shyness. It's something connected to that of, I don't want to be the center of attention. I don't want a bunch of people to see me in a vulnerable state.

Well, on top of it, right? That you're not just like, it's also being weak, right? You're falling down.

And not weak for me.

You can't even stand up.

You're right. It's weakness. And I think what I think is worse and definitely comes from being a kid, is like, I would feel gross or like ugly.

You can't faint cute. It's ugly. I feel like you'd still be really cute. I've never seen you in a situation where you weren't cute. Even like post egg freezing, like you're always cute.

You saw me not faint. I didn't faint, but I was in a compromised state.

And I brought you juice. Yeah, you did.

It was so sweet, but I wasn't embarrassed in front of you. No, I wasn't.

That makes me feel good.

But we weren't in public. It's something about being in public. I hate it.

I'm like an animal that just needs to go die on its own. Don't see me like this.

Yeah, that is bad. I think we're trying to come off as strong and not like perfect.

Yes. And we're not comfortable when people take care of us or people have to.

Are you comfortable in relationships when people are taking care of you?

I think so. I am. actually. I haven't been in a long term relationship with someone who wouldn't. There's people I've dated who I would have felt bad to be sick in front of because I think they didn't have the capacity or the interest.

Well, you made it up to him.

I did. We made it up to each other. It made me feel better. Yeah, that's so great.

Have you ever...

Wait, what about you? Do you feel... Well, I've never had one. But with close friends and family and stuff?

I still don't like people seeing something very vulnerable, like puking or shitting or something. I need to be on my own for that. But I'll let people, like, you know, peek their head in and bring juice and yeah, I guess. So maybe middle ground. But what's so funny is I love, nurturing.

What do you mean? So...

Wait, you know about my weird fetish? You don't know about this?

Really? No. Wait, what?

I can't believe. you don't know that. This is like Tale as Old as Time. People know it who are listening probably. So sorry.

You were like a sexy nurse?

Yeah, I was a sexy nurse, but it's weird because I was so young to have already had those feelings and they continue. I still have a little bit of it. I find men who I think are really hot. when they're in like vulnerable states. I get physically aroused.

You get aroused by them being sick or aroused by the idea that you would take care of them being that sick?

Well, it's both. It's that they're sick, and then the fantasy is then about me helping and being a part.

of it. Wow. What do you think that that's about?

So now I think it's about my parents were fairly limited, affection wise, but my mom is very nurturing in those moments. That's when it really shows up. If I'm sick, she's there. Even now, if I'm sick, she's like checking in all the time. and did you do this and make sure you do this.

I think, okay, so thank you for sharing that. That's so interesting. No, because first of all, five or six is when I definitely started to have fantasy. Well, I don't think I knew it was sex, but I definitely started touching myself. Now I think back and I'm like, it's around that time that I didn't know what I was doing.

I think it's related to that, but it's also to me indicative of everything we just said. It's trust. So if someone is in their most vulnerable state and they're allowing me to be there, they trust me. It's just a level of intimacy that's so heightened and extreme. And so that level of intimacy is appealing to me.

So you were imagining boys of your age at that time being super, like your crushes, basically being sick?

I guess, but I don't think I designated them as crushes at the time. Like I didn't know. And it was so funny because it would always happen. It was like, I would always go into it before bed and I would get so excited before bed to close my eyes and enter this world and just like play the tape.

My tape starts around seven or eight, but same thing. And then I couldn't sleep. I had insomnia as a kid and my parents were like, what's wrong with you? And I was like, I would fantasize.

What was your main focus of fantasy?

I would fantasize about this one boy that I had a huge crush on. For me, it was not necessarily that they're sick and I'm taking care of them. It was just elaborate scenarios and movies in my head of like scenes of us being together and him falling in love with me. And I would just indulge, indulge, indulge. And same where I would get so activated that I couldn't sleep.

I know. It was, it was so exciting.

Yes. But people do that still. I see that I, I can fall into that even in my adult age.

Me too.

And I think a lot of people do. Right. It's a form of, like all things, if it takes over your life and you're thinking about it while you're supposed to be doing something else or you want to be doing something else, then it's, you know, but, but I think we all want to escape a little bit. Anything can happen in your head. It's kind of incredible.

It's incredible. Correct. They still pop up. I still have these dreams. Like.

Did you feel that way at five?

I must have. And that's sad.

It's not sad in a judgmental way. I think it's probably a core wound, you know, that began from an early age and wasn't true, right? It's not representative of reality, right? But because you believed it from such a young age, it must come up in small ways that need to be retrained. Yeah.

I mean, it's definitely like three steps away from Munchausen's. Like I just escaped that. Thank God.

What's Munchausen?

Munchausen's disease is when you make yourself sick.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

In order to be taken care of or for attention, but it's a mental disease. Like it's not. And then there's Munchausen's by proxy, where, like moms, do it to their kids.

Yes. I've heard about that. I mean, but I had the same, I had a very similar thing with my parents. When I was sick. is when they, you know.

You felt the most loved.

I felt the most loved. Yeah. And like they were paying attention. Yeah. No, it's like, I mean, I'm sure many people feel this way.

Well, again, full house. nineties era. Different era.

Yeah. A lot of stuff was happening.

A lot of stuff was happening. There wasn't even the tools necessarily for them to know like, it's too hard.

I know. I know. And sometimes it's like, I wish I could be a parent. We've talked about this. Like I wish I could be a dad in the nineties.

And are they a psychopath? Yeah. My parents never wondered if we were psychopaths. Like. I'll be wondering from day one if my kid is a psychopath and I'll be looking for.

I'm just also scared. I'm going to make someone who's an asshole. You know what? You won't. You won't.

I was talking to this with Elizabeth and Andy shout out. Nobody's listening. Right. Speaking of. I'm wearing their merch right now.

It's so cute. It's a cute little merch.

Yeah. I had dinner with them. And they were talking about the documentary on Twin Flames.

There's a documentary about, do you know the cult? I know Twin Flames. Wait, Twin Flames, the thing where someone's your soulmate.

Exactly. It's a cult. It is? Yeah. It's a cult started by these two people.

But do you believe in Twin Flames? You don't believe in it? No. Okay. I do.

Liz. I didn't know it was a cult, though. You're so susceptible.

Do you believe in soulmates?

I do, but I don't believe in the conventional concept of them. I don't believe there's one person for you. I think there are people you meet in life and people in the world who you have like a celestial connection with, but I don't think it's one person. And I think it can be in so many forms. Like, I think some people's soulmate is their mom.

Well, I believe in multiple soulmates too. Okay. I feel that there are many, again, I think it's plural, like in my life, where it's like you meet someone. I felt that way even, I don't know if we're soulmates, but like when I met you, I felt like I already knew you. I was like, oh, we know each other already.

For sure. I feel that way too. Right?

That to me kind of the closest thing to a soulmate. And again, I think there can be a few. Twin Flames is interesting to me, because Twin Flames is like, okay, from what I understand from Megan Fox talking about it, she would talk about Machine Gun Kelly, them being Twin Flames. Also, I'm not in any way looking to them for- They're not your North Star. They're not my North Star.

Awesome.

Tell us more.

Tell me more. From what I understand, Twin Flame is sort of the person that's there to bring to light the vulnerabilities and the pain that you prefer to never acknowledge or never sort of open up. And so the Twin Flame relationship to me is a little bit different than soulmate, where it can be a kind of, not chaotic, but very ups and downs and very intense. and you love but you hate them and you, you know. I found that that was like an interesting concept that at the time, I remember I was, you know, in a relationship with someone.

That's just life, though. Sure. That's, I really find that the first one, the regular Twin Flame, extremely dangerous.

Because it normalizes a toxic relationship.

Exactly. It's an incredibly unhealthy relationship that you're giving a power to by saying, oh, well, I met this person because of this and actually this is in some ways good, because it's not.

But it's not necessarily good. That's the thing. Twin Flame is, again, from what I understand from fucking three articles I read, and I mean, it's cool in the comments, but it is not a stay with them, they're your Twin Flame, actually. For me, it was a helpful way to be like, oh, this is not who I'm, I'm not supposed to make it work with this person. And the second thing I'll say is also, I think that toxic relationships, obviously, if you're in one, you need the people around you to acknowledge that you have been victimized, whether it's abuse or neglect, or whatever it is, like, you need that validated.

That's my fear.

Yes. Not to slander anybody, but Megan Fox is in that video clip with Eminem about that song and Rihanna, I love the way you lie, is that the song? It's just them talking about basically a super toxic, abusive relationship, and it's very, I remember at the time being like, this romanticizes. And so I think it can teeter around that.

Yeah, totally.

But it's a cult.

It's a cult. The docs are on this cult. And the conversation was, how do we make sure our kids don't join cults, basically. And I was like, look, I don't think anyone thinks their kid's going to join a cult. So I don't mean to offend anyone whose kid has joined a cult.

I hope so.

I don't think you can do anything about sociopath or psychopath.

Well, you know that there's a whole documentary about that, about Alex giving you a documentary. I think it's on HBO. And it's about how, sociopaths, it is a thing in your brain, right? They can do brain scans and see that part of your brain. But what makes a difference between a sociopath who ends up murdering people and who doesn't is childhood trauma.

That's incredible. Yeah. That's why you should be looking out for it at day one.

Yeah. Sure. They kill. I mean, what is it? The signs.

That's a big one. No empathy.

Talking about bugs. You had a bug event. Oh my God. I forgot. I forgot.

I texted you. I just had a bug event.

You did. I was on the edge of my seat.

Okay. Something happened yesterday. I went to this coffee shop that I love. I love this coffee shop, and I don't know if it's ruined now. I was outside.

Don't all bugs have clear wings?

No. It was translucent. Yeah. You could see all the way through the wings.

The wings were really big. I'm so itchy. Oh, you're scratching yourself just talking about it.

Yes. And so I hated it. I hated that bug. And then I look, and there's a lot of them.

No. There's a family? Ugh!

Don't call it a family.

Don't call it. It humanizes them too much.

It gives them so much agency. I hate it. I just started looking, and I was like, oh my God, they're everywhere. And then one landed on my computer. I felt like it was an infestation, and I started my period last night, thank God, because I knew.

You made it alive.

I made it out alive, and I walked to a new place. On my walk, I thought, why am I having such a crazy reaction to this bug event? And I think it was hormone. Hormones are so real.

Yeah.

They're so real, like changing your entire body chemistry of what you're able to handle and not handle.

It helps in those moments, if I can remind myself of that. Yeah. Because I had a moment like that yesterday too, but I'm forgetting what happened. Are you about to start your period? I just ended.

What the hell? Well, mine's off. I was supposed to start some days ago, and it was late.

Oh, interesting.

I think because of post-retrieval. Like, remember, some months are all fucked up after.

That's right.

Yeah.

Okay, we'll get back in sync.

Yeah.

But yeah, I finished, so it didn't make total sense. It wasn't like right before. But also, once you look at the chart, we're always in a phase that makes us nuts. There's like three days where we're in the clear, and the rest is like either we're super intense and up to here, or else we're down there, or we're bleeding, you know?

Our guts are out.

And so, yeah, but the way I now identify that feeling is that it's almost like I'm a teenager. It's like teenager angst and annoyance. Remember when you were a teenager and you were so annoyed at your mom or at something, and you would just want to physically do something? Yeah. That's how I identify it.

Exactly.

Because we go through the world. We're living life. Exactly. Yes. Anyways.

Anyway, that was my bug event.

I'm sorry. That's an actual bug event. Mine was-. No, yours was a bug event, too. Well, it was scary.

I know. I don't know if I can go there again.

Frick.

I'm sorry. Maybe I'll try to go in my luteal phase.

Yeah.

Wow. What do you think?

I've had people do this to me, and I think when it's gone the most well is when they've asked me a question like, how are you feeling about this job or this project? And if I just go, oh, everything's great, and then I think it's hard to impose an opinion or impose a conversation about how not well it's going. if they feel like it's going well. But when it's gone well for me is when I've been like, yeah, I'm stressed out, and then they've been like, yeah, I'm worried about you, and I've been worried for the same things. Can we talk about it?

I agree. I think that's totally right. I don't think you can give career advice or suggest that she switch careers, but you can just show your concern for her overall well-being and maybe don't even pinpoint it on the career. It's just, I've been noticing you seem a little anxious and is there anything I can do to help? or how are you?

Yes.

And if she answers with, I'm feeling really anxious or I'm feeling bad, you can say like, I hate that for you. Maybe we can come up with some solutions together, because I don't want this for you.

Yes. And you can say, do you want to just be heard or do you want advice? That's also a question you can just point blank ask. And if then they say, no, no, give me your advice. What do you think?

It's also going to make her double down and feel defensive, and now she's kind of committed with this master's. Yes. And that will make her even more stressed out, because she's like, well, fuck, what have I done now? This isn't even right for me. So she'll also figure it out.

You know, it's also the therapist trick of like, how's that working for you?

But do you think I think I would? do you think it's patronizing? Also, do you say patronizing or patronizing?

I say patronizing, but I say half of my words wrong.

I say patronizing.

It's patronizing?

I heard some people say patronizing.

I think it's the British way. That sounds British. Patronizing.

Wow. Maybe.

Patron. Patronizing. But patron is different. Oh, no.

Well, I'm glad we say the same. We stick to our guns. We're going to stick with it. I think on Couples Therapy, I heard someone say patronizing, but I'll be honest, I didn't love the person. So I was like, oh, of course she says it like that.

Of course she says it like that. Now I want to know who you don't like. That's how I'm going to watch it.

It's in season three.

Oh, my God. You are deep.

I finished. Oh, I didn't tell you. I finished. Wow. I finished the whole thing.

You got through it. What did you learn? What's the biggest takeaway? Everything.

Oh. I mainly learned that people are incredible and just walking around with so much stuff and it's impossible, and it's a miracle. We should all be patting ourselves on the back and giving other people so much grace all the time. That's my main takeaway.

I would just do a short-ish one. Yeah. And do ads. Because I'm late to therapy every week.

Oh, God. Okay. We're going to do a quickie, but we have some big ones for next week, so we have to make sure we give it the time they deserve. Okay. In a friend group, I accidentally spilled some confidential information when drunk.

He just cares so much.

I know and I can relate so hard to, just like every single cell in my body wants to protect this group, wants to keep this group cohesive and strong, and a little bit of that, I think you have to acknowledge. that's a lot to take on. There's 10 people in this group and life happens and sometimes things happen that can impact groups. Group dynamics, as we just said, with couples therapy, it's so hard to be one person, let alone 10 people in one group. Maybe take a little pressure off of that and try to just be present and enjoy the days you have.

Of course. This is life. And they've probably done it too. Exactly. Like right now, you're making yourself the villain in a story where you've created perfect identities for all these other people.