The Roast of Dave Portnoy [VIDEO]

What is up, daddy gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy.

I haven't been on, you, haven't invited me on your show since you've been on your own. My Spotify deal. I did. Since I owned my IP? Yes, correct.

at the Kentucky Derby. Yeah. You brought your new girlfriend. Not my new girlfriend. We have to get into it immediately.

You're not gonna say. Are you gonna sit in silence the whole episode? If it's gonna be like that,

yeah, I am. How did you decide to bring this amazing, beautiful woman here today?

in my presence and think I wasn't gonna bring it up? Well, because it's like, well, we're friends, so. Are we friends? You and I? Friendly.

it was a small wedding. Yeah. Would you invite me to your wedding? Absolutely. Are you ever gonna?

get remarried? Probably not. You would invite me to your wedding? Absolutely. Really?

I don't believe you for a second. I would. You're saying that because you know you're.

never gonna get remarried. No, I, hand to God, if I get married, you will get an invite.

You kind of like me.

Yeah, sure. Call your daddy made us a lot of money.

Okay, so I feel like there are so many celebrities here. Who have you randomly hung out with that's?

a random celebrity? The first time I met Tom Brady was here, so that was big for me. Guess.

what I found out last night? He's not coming? Tom Brady was supposed to come to the Unwell event last night, then he canceled his entire trip. Why? I have no idea.

and he canceled everything. To the Unwell? Where was it? Or just to the Derby? To the whole Derby,

but he was coming to my event last night. Well, yeah, he's like-. Does that make me cool? Give me.

like- Well, no, he didn't come. I mean, coulda, woulda, shoulda. You get no credit for like he.

coulda come. But he was going to. Has he ever come to one of your fucking parties?

Has Tom Brady ever been to Super Bowl parties? To one of our personal event parties? I don't know that he has, but I can't remember the last time he threw a party. Okay,

let's circle back. Are you a fan of Leonardo DiCaprio?

Any similarities, Dave? I think I'm more outgoing, probably. He hides himself.

Well, you also have something in common where you like to date young women.

Well, I don't know if that's always the case, but I mean, I was married for a long time. You are married. No, I was. Did you get a divorce? No.

motherfucking shit. You said that to me on tour and I don't believe you for a second. You're like,

I tried to get divorced. Hand to God. You want me to text her right now and say, did we file the paperwork? Did we go to the judge? and the judge looked at it and said, nope.

Call Renee up. Let's go. I don't fucking believe you for a second. This was a ploy for you. No, you're not actually doing it.

Clearly, you don't know the first thing about law, because it's the truth. Why aren't you divorced? Because she and I have a great relationship. Well, I don't know why I'm holding this like that. And you don't want to give her your money?

No, literally play that back. You have too much money. You can't get divorced. Said, who the fuck ever. You little piece of shit.

Because they're like, he's trying to screw you. And I wasn't.

This doesn't make sense. Go ahead. I'll give you a minute. Text her.

Wait, by the way, I just got a, I just got a text from Tom Brady's people. Was Brady actually going to the show, uh, to Alex's unwell event last night? Laugh my ass off. That's one of the funnier rumors I've ever heard. Alex is swearing by it.

Who's texting you that right now?

Tom Brady's right-hand man used to be my right-hand man.

Dave, I haven't said this publicly yet. I haven't even said anywhere that he was coming here. So who said that? Someone over there?

What do you mean? You just said it to me.

And so did you text someone?

Yes. No, it was texted over there.

So you motherfuckers texted someone to see?

Yes.

You little piece of shit. I swear to God he was coming.

Matt! Direct from Tom Brady. Not true.

Tom was coming to my party. Shoulda, coulda, woulda. You were going to get a divorce. Shoulda, coulda, woulda. Bitch.

I'm going to get it right now.

Okay, let's talk about the Celtics.

All right. How old are you? I have, don't answer that. 20.. Don't answer that.

21.

Way young. You're way off.

24.

Way off.

Give me a little nod. No. The girls stick together.

No, girls do not stick together. We're not talking about it.

25.

So I'm on a date. Who cares?

Okay, I have a question. So you go to the Celtics game. for anyone that lives under rocks. Dave was at the Celtics game and he chooses to bring this gorgeous blonde woman right on his arm to the game, and you sit directly behind the announcers and you look like you're going to shit your pants.

Correct.

When it goes live. Right. The guys are like, here. we are at the Celtics game and Dave is like, I'm going to fucking kill myself. Why did you bring a date to the Celtics game if you didn't want to be seen?

So I've already explained this.

But no one listens to BFFs.

That's not true. Everyone listens to what I say.

I'm just kidding. Love you, Josh and Brianna. Okay.

I usually, if I go to Celtics games, I sit on the court, like center court. Oh. Very vocal. Yeah, it is a flex. So I always go to Celtics games.

Such a martyr.

Yes. I bought seats in the corner. They fell through.

Okay.

MB, who works for us, bought replacement tickets. It was a deal. Game time. Bought the tickets. I had no idea where they were.

Okay. Question. How many dates have you had to have been on with a woman to bring her out in public to an event like that?

Like, how many have she and I been on?

Yeah.

We've hung out a decent amount.

Okay. What does that mean?

We've hung out a decent amount.

What does that mean?

I hung out a decent amount. Like she lives in Boston. So we do bursts. She was here for the week. That's why she's here now, which I thought you'd have some decency and not bring it up.

But we got to entertain the people.

This isn't entertaining.

I think this is so entertaining. This is amazing. So if you were on a first date, would you ever bring a girl to a Celtic date? No. So this is serious.

No, that doesn't mean that either.

You said you hang out in bursts.

Correct.

Who says that?

Well, if you don't live in the same area. So like I've known her for a decent amount of time.

Um, okay. How would you describe your type other than young?

Who said it was young?

I don't know, Dave, your track record. It'd be like saying like, I liked athletes.

No, listen, I don't. It's I, you are attracted to who you're attracted to or hang out, who you hang out with, but I'm in a young world. So I tend to meet younger people. I'd love to listen if, if she was 35 or anyone was 35, I don't discriminate.

Okay. I'm going to play a little game with you. I'm going to give you a scenario and you're going to tell me.

I thought you were going to be a lot nicer. We were talking before. I'm like, maybe don't come. She was a fan. It's like, no, trust me, me and Alex are friends.

This is good. This is good. People will love this sick. This is, this is good. You guys hang out in spurts.

Do you have an easy password? Yeah. I mean, I get hacked all the time. Is it zero, zero, zero? I don't, I don't really try to hide things.

Yeah. Yeah. We've seen, okay. She asks you to buy her a Chanel bag after the seventh date. She asks, asks you break up.

girl? A G wagon. Yeah. The G wagon. That was fucking crazy.

Good boyfriend. She asked you to hire her as barstool talent. Uh, no chance. No chance. No.

who in my DMS at one point waiver between, like wanting a job and wanting to like go on a date. I didn't say sex as a date. That's never good. I said sex. Yeah.

no, thanks. You sucking your toes? No, I don't like any of that. Would you suck her toes? I'd rather not.

leaked again? Oh yeah. I don't care. I don't care about being leaked. That's not me.

Okay. You're a huge Swiftie. When did your love for Taylor start? So it really started, um,

when Kanye and Kim fucked her with that, uh, editing her like voicemail about the lyrics. Uh, that was the big, I always liked her music, but that really made me team Taylor. And then I really hate Kanye so much that the more I hated Kanye, the more I started liking Kim, uh, Taylor, and I hate Kim. So it all played together. And then I just became a bigger Taylor.

you say that you're a big Swiftie fan because of like the personal shit rather than the music.

or you do like combo, but I feel like a lot of, I feel like I've had a lot of, I can feel for her message of like, when people are lying about you and making stuff up, I feel like that's happened to me quite a bit. So I resonate with that and I am a very like, vengeful person. Okay. Aside from.

Kim, if you had to pick like who would be your favorite Kardashian? Well, Chris is a savage,

right? Yeah. I mean, she basically whored her daughter out to start an empire. Now, just because you make a sex tape, me being an example, doesn't guarantee you endless success. Lots of people who had sex tapes and turn nothing.

like I'm shitting on you too much? Should you tell me like a sad story from your childhood?

I don't think you're shitting on me. We're just having a little fun. Yeah. I mean, I listen,

you want the call her daddy treatment? Like Dave Portnoy, welcome to call her daddy. Let's go back to the beginning. Tell me what happened in your childhood that you up so hard.

I don't have anything like that. I was actually wondering what you were going to talk to me about, and then I gave you, but I did think you would not talk about her. Why? I don't know. You're making me seem like a bad person.

to make them upset.

room and not on her. We're going to leave her in the rain. It's pouring rain. We were out there on.

the racetrack, but you, you know, you're going to be filmed here. Filmed bill. What do you mean?

I've come to the Kentucky Derby six to 10 times. I've never been on TV. Never. Nothing at the Derby. They're treating you guys better than they treat me, which is bananas, because I'm like the.

biggest horse fan in the country. First of all films, as in, yet. No TV. No one gives a fuck about TV. Dave, iPhones, internet care about that.

So why do you care about me talking about different platforms? Like being on the Celtics game and call her daddy. Well, she, she's not on the couch. Should we bring her over? No, definitely not.

virginity story? Yeah. It was freshman year college. Okay. Tell me the story.

the fuck? Tell you this story. Tell me the story. It was my girlfriend. We had sex.

Anyone that's not watching, he's like fiddling his toes at that. I'm trying to think about.

take your time. Probably, like, I don't know. After my marriage, maybe. Oh,

we weren't overly kinky. Yeah. Okay. So you don't, you don't have any sad stories you can tell me from your childhood. So we can really like make this a full one of your sad, like.

rehabilitation. Yeah. Yeah. We got to do a little therapy. I have not, no.

I was cool, kid. Okay. Back to Taylor. Do you think she knows you exist? Yes.

Yes. Why?

engaged? Yes. Okay. What's the timeline? Like?

do you think he's going to do it? Well, I have no idea. How did you do it? I, we went to a resort in Cape Cod and, like I, had a nice little thing. Yeah.

ring store. So I got through him. Okay. What do you think they're going to name their first kid?

Do you think Travis and Kelsey? Travis and Kelsey. Travis and Taylor. I have no fucking clue. Let's.

get, let's bet. Amy? That would be great. That would be fucking crazy. That'd be great.

probably going to be like, uh, uh, what's my home's? his first Patrick, probably name after my.

home. Shut the, that's fucking weird. Shock me. Isn't that a little weird? I think Taylor has like more class than that.

a meathead. Like she's into the whole meathead thing right now. Everything she's doing, she hasn't done before. Do you like it? Like, do you think it's good?

lived. Yeah. I like that song. Do you think an ex would ever write a song about you? Like that?

think I've fucked people over like that. I'm sure. maybe other people think, I don't know. I, I feel like I'm pretty straightforward. You know, that you can, people can say whatever they want about me.

We have some mutuals. We have some mutuals? Yeah. We have some mutuals. Oh, oh, yeah.

Which is your doing, not mine. That was your doing. They fucking hate me because it, that was my doing? That was your doing. How was that my doing?

Nothing is ever my fault. This is all on you. How is it my doing? What are you talking about?

What are you talking about? Are we talking about the same thing? I don't know. Are we talking about the same thing? I feel like we are.

That's a fact. Okay. I did bring trash, but then you took the trash out and you tried to get rid of me too. No, that's a lie. I'm just kidding.

Yeah, that's a total lie. Okay. I did bring trash into your life. I sat in a room and looked at it. A room.

regret that to this day. Yeah. I like vouched for him and then he shit on us. Yes. Yes.

Did we try to legit get divorced and get denied by judge? And please explain why we got denied. We weren't, I was trying to buy a house in Nantucket. Okay. Most expensive house ever.

sold in the history of Massachusetts. Okay. Your dick is so fucking big. If I,

the judge wanted me to give her half of everything I had. And why wouldn't you? Because we have been separated for 10 years and we exist. And if, if she wants something, she gets it. Like she has access to my bank account still.

42 million. How much are you worth? A lot. A lot. Yeah.

See how your Barstool jr for women goes. I mean, that's what it is, right? I can't believe you just.

made fun of me. I'm doing a great job. How did I make fun of you? I'm running a fucking company.

It's Barstool 2.

Okay. You're a Swifty. I haven't seen these. You're right. No, I actually haven't.

different one? Just want to make sure you give me a fucking card. I'm good with this. You're good.

with yours. Do you want to trade? Nope. I'm good. Okay.

Okay. Ready? New money. I'm not a lyric. I everyone knows I can't do this.

Just play. Just have fun, Dave. I can't have fun. You were that kid on the playground that was like.

a little fucking shit. I didn't get my team, so I don't want to play. I'm Andy Bernard. I don't.

play games that I know I can't win. New money, suit and tie. I can read you like a magazine. New money, suit and tie. I can read you like the magazine.

Take a guess. Blank. Actually that's blank. Yeah, but I don't know lyrics. Take a guess.

I don't know lyrics. Dave, you have to play. I have nothing. Okay, read me one. Let's fucking see if I can get it.

in high school? Crying in my bedroom when I was in college? I'm absolutely, I'm glad you brought that up. Okay. Because I was part of your live show.

End of high school, I was hot. It was like, it was like elementary school was like really tough.

for me. Elementary school. Elementary school and like freshman year of high school. And then I got to glow up. Okay.

did you get cute? When I got money. Yeah, you got that new hair. Your hair looks so good. This is.

not new hair. Well, how long have you had it? My life. Fuck you. This is my, this, what you're.

looking at is my hair. No, but you re-implanted it from the back. Not on the front. On the front.

No. Where? Back. Oh. The front.

remember. Okay. But yeah, you weren't good looking either. So we're both little. But I never,

I never have complained like, oh, woe is me. Yeah. But you got roasted online for it. Yeah. I don't care.

They'll try to find pictures and be like, look, she was busted. Yeah, I don't care. They're like, look, what money can buy you. I'm like, exactly. Yeah, I have no problem with that.

the song. I'm down bad. Down bad. I'm down bad. Finish the fucking lyric.

Just guess. Okay. You actually have to say this one. Now I'm down, bad crying at the gym.

I'm down bad. Then you think that's the next line? I don't know what the next line is. I just know the song is called down bad. Okay.

it getting lost or getting caught in the rain? Getting caught. Oh, you're really fucking bad.

Yeah. Like music, can't carry a beat. Can't do anything. Mr. Bajoukis told me I had to lip sync.

in my elementary school graduation. The trauma is coming out now. Mr. Bajoukis? Yeah.

I'm loud too and off beat. Give me a beat. Go.

the answer until someone's on their knees and asks you. Oh, man. This is from Evermore or Folklore. Someone's on their knees and asks you, you would have made such a lovely bride. What a shame she's fucked in the head.

So what kind of Swiftie are you to be like, I want Kim Kardashian on this show?

Bang.

Oh, you have me speechless. Yeah. Because if you're actually a real Swiftie, you know how she feels.

about Kim. This is the thing. I don't think. I'm like intertwined in, like Taylor's personal life. I love her music.

fair. You're bad. You don't know her songs. No. No, I know her songs, but not as well as hardcore Swifties.

I want to be your end game. Go.

I could have told you I'd be bad at this game. Do you think that's problematic if I would want?

to have Taylor and Kim on the show? Imagine if I got them for sit down. I would call you like.

the greatest to ever do it. if you did that. If you got the two of them together, that would be,

you can't top that. No. And I know I could never do that, because they would never do that. If you.

can do that, you can do anything. Are you having fun?

word. Are you feeling entertained? Yeah, it's entertaining.

ever get back? I feel like you guys are. No, she's got a boyfriend. I kind of like ship you guys.

but maybe she's waiting for you to come back. Get be done with all the youngs. Come back. Just.

going to ignore the fact that I was dead ass, right? No, I was going to pretend that she's.

your fucking wife and she knows you're always up to like weird shit. So she knows. So no matter.

how that was answered, no matter how that was answered in the exact way I described,

I wasn't going to. No, I need to see the documents. That would be like if I texted Matt being like, I'll explain later. Um, I didn't kill someone right on this day. He'd be like, absolutely not, babe.

Yeah. If you want, it's, um, we've got a lot. Like how much?

Hundreds of thousands. Do you have a gambling problem? No. Do you think you'll go into debt?

No. Gambling's made me all my money. What's the most you've ever bet on a single game? Million?

dollars. What the fuck is wrong with you? What? We won? Michigan beat Alabama.

year. Were you literally clenching your asshole the entire game? I was with my mom. I brought, so I went to Michigan. So I'm Michigan grad.

What are you worth? Like 400 million? No, not that much. 300..

200.

Probably like two, 50, something like that. 243.. I don't know. Um, so how much money should, I bet?

Are you cheap? I don't know. What is cheap? Well, like, do you care about money? Like I'm easy.

like. the first time they see me, they cry. Wait, when your parents see you, they cry? No,

like the first time they walked into my house, Miami, my mom, like, just starts crying. Oh, cause she's so proud of you. Yeah. It's just like, you can't really imagine it. It's like a crazy.

Well, no, I'll give you credit for five seconds and stop fucking around for two seconds. I think what you, everyone can try to like discredit what you do and like people, are like, Oh, he's like a piece of shit. And he's a misogynistic fuck. And like, he's crazy and like, he's a piece of shit, but I think you're really smart. And what you've built is like,

no one can discredit that. Like you're really fucking talented. You may want to discredit the misogynist stuff, since we've had, like the most female success of any company, like ever.

wildly famous. Okay. Do you think she's more famous than Henry? If he had an Instagram,

is that a real question? Oh my God. You, you don't think Henry's nearly,

Oh my God, Dave, I can't walk in New York city when I'm there without every five seconds being stopped. And people are like, Oh my God, Alex, I do love you, but sorry. I want to say hi to him.

Okay. So we should walk around the block together. I would quite literally put my life.

on Miss Peaches. Okay. Henry's cuter. Sorry.

is more popular than you guys were at your prime at PMT. Was that our prime? at me? She's more popular than anything we have. Are you monetizing it?

Do you think Miss Peaches to Henry could date at some point? No. Why? Because Miss Peaches.

had a life of too many men being forced upon her and like multiple litters. So she's not dating. I'm very protective of that. Are you going to go get another one? I'm thinking about it.

it's not for me, it would be for her. But doesn't it make you sad when you leave her at home? Very much so. And I, when we got Bruce, it made me so happy because Henry fucking hated Bruce at.

first and now they're best fucking friends. So that's why I would think I really don't leave her very often. Like she comes with me almost everywhere. Who's watching her now? Uh, Danielle,

my assistant. Um, okay. As we're wrapping up, I want to talk about my wedding really quickly, which you didn't invite me to. You were the biggest hit at my wedding. What?

Bad head.

this is fun, though. Picturing. Oh my God. You walked out of that. I was poor.

was your wedding? Newport. Was it nice? Yeah. How many people?

Are all of those hundred people still your friends? Yes. Okay. That says a lot about you.

Yeah. How about the fact that I'm still like best friends with my ex-wife? Yeah. That may say something. You want to keep looking at down, but it actually may be like,

Hey, maybe he's a good dude. I think it's amazing. But I also, like you, didn't really say anything when I said, I think you use it a little bit to like keep women at a distance. No, no, no. I did.

I actually said, well, I tried to get the divorce and it got denied. And then it was verified that.

that happened. But before you tried to get divorced, that is a cop-out. You would be like,

No, I haven't even had serious. I've had like one serious relationship. That's not true.

What do you mean? It's not true. Didn't you have soul cycle?

That was not serious. And that wasn't, you were devastated that she did. I liked her a lot. I was a young pup, like just out of marriage. Yes.

I have wedding merch for you.

I don't know what your crowd will think, but your crowd loves me.

Okay. They do. They do? Yeah, they do. I think they like you.

they love. Why do you think they love you? Not quite sure. Ever since I hijacked your stream.

Oh, you got so off on that. You were like, oh, my God, you fucking grew an inch. You were so fucking happy. That was fun. No, that was good time.

was on you when I did it after. And you saw the reaction I got at your show. They love me. Oh,

people fucking freaked out. I got some messages. I felt bad. People were like,

are you fucking kidding me? Like they got Dave. I loved it. That's like the Swifties when it's those two songs she played at night. one motherfucker.

You came to Philly. You were in Philly. Did you enjoy my live show?

Yes, it was different than what. I didn't know what to expect, but it was more like a Broadway show.

Were you impressed? Yeah, it was very well done. Thank you. I appreciate that.

Raunchy. I thought you kind of left the raunch when you left Barstool.

I had to stay true to the beginning. And then we started in the raunch. And then I sat down and did an interview. And also, it's fun to be raunchy and have fun. I do appreciate it.

I've seen interviews for the most part, not as many when people try to trash us to you.

You've defended us for the most part. I always defend you. I always remember where I came from. I'm never going to be like, fuck Barstool. Although I have a couple like qualms, still with my data and my bonuses.

What were you doing before us? I was unemployed.

I was on unemployment checks, blogging it up. Yep. Okay. Do you want your wedding merch? Sure.

I'll give it to your assistants. Oh, am I just going to hold this for two days straight at the track? Nevermind. Nevermind. Don't give it to him.

Ungrateful. Okay. Rate this interview.

Were you impressed? Yeah. The lyrics thing. You really fucking flopped. I can't do lyrics, so that was an F.

You have trauma. I'm going to find it. Next interview. Next interview we're.

going to do Dave Portnoy on Call Her Daddy. It took you long enough to invite me on. What, did you have no one else here? I thought you were going to do a whole thing of interviews here. No, you're the only person I'm doing.

All right. Bye.

Bye.