Al Franken Returns

My name is Al Franken and I feel privileged about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

Can't say that I would reciprocate, but. Sonam Ovsessian Hi Matt Gorley, hi, good to see you sir.

Hi, I have to tell you I did a lot of traveling recently. I've been all over the world on a project. And then came back and had to do some work on the East Coast on the way back. And then flew here. And I came down with quite a cold sounds like it, and here's the thing that I like when I get a cold. I prefer my voice, yeah.

Oh, I think this is a better voice. Eduardo, Why don't you weigh in? Yeah, I love it, yeah.

I think you should always have a cold, okay? So you're saying, yeah, and Eduardo, be honest, you're saying my natural speaking voice....

It's just more soothing, it's easier to mix because, you know, when you normally speak, it gets up here a little bit. Yeah, yeah, but this is nice and cool.

Yeah, this is nice and I have this register right here and it just feels good. And so I'm wondering, how can I keep this going? All the time because I prefer this and so I don't know what to do.

One would be to constantly reinfect myself. Yeah, I think that's your best to hire sickly children to cough into my open mouth, yeah.

But also your immune system will get better and eventually you'll never get sick again, and then you'll never have this voice again. I think if you scream, wake up and scream every morning, I don't think that's going to do it. I don't know, you know?....

Smoke You think I should start smoking? Maybe that would do it. What if we just have you record, like a bunch of random sayings while you're feeling this way? I've been feeling this way.

This is Conan recovering from a cold. And maybe we should just record some stuff now that we can use in the future. Let's try some. How about Yo Adrian? Give me that Yo Adrian? Pretty good.

That's cool, how about this? What we want are we want little phrases that will fit nicely into almost any interview, things like, Oh, yeah, I hear you.

I've never heard you say that, but, you know, you've never said that. Now you're taking on a persona you want to be, but that's not who you are.

No, but you could still slip that in, if we have someone who's talking on the show, on the podcast, you could just slide that in. But how's this going to work if normally you have your regular voice and then it just goes into this? Well, people hear it and they'll just think, Oh, that's the real Conan.

You think people will think this is the real you, and then you make your voice that other way. I do hope you come back soon.

That's a good one to just slide in there every now and then, and you want me to slide that somewhere. In the middle of the interview, Yeah, just in the middle of an interview with Henry Kissinger, I suddenly you sound like Henry Kissinger.

We should try and get as many of these as possible. Do you feel different? Hold on a second. I was going to say, What about, like, cock-a-roo?

I've enjoyed it. If you've enjoyed it half as much, well, you probably had an orgasm. Oh, what the fuck. That took a hard left turn.

Hard left turn Yeah, I'll tell you something else. that took a hard left turn. what took a hard left turn? I didn't say that.

You did say that, guys, let's get it. Your personality is changing with this voice. I think that you're changing as a human being. Hey Sona.

Yeah, you're looking fine today. EW What's wrong with that? I don't know.

That felt weird. I don't like that. Also your posture's changed. I know you're all like, I don't like this guy.

You're like, Don Imus, you're missing a cigarette. Yeah, no, it's okay. No, this guy sucks.

He'd smoke. Virginia Slims. I'm wearing athleisure wear. come on, I did not say athleisure wear. that guy's cool.

Oh.

I'll trust me I know how to sustain this cold for a little while longer. If I could just get a good book, you know, maybe one of those, sort of a real sensual novel, yeah.

Hmm.

I didn't think you'd be here, she said. I thought I'd never see you again. I made it clear I'm here because I saw in your eyes you want me to be here. This is so arousing dialogue.

Hold it, I'm not done, I am, I'm not done. Wait.

You saw it in my eyes. Yes, I looked into your eyes, and I saw that you wished me to come by and I could tell the.

Fact that you wanted me to come by No. This sex book sucks. There's not even no one's undressing yet. When is someone going to undress?

That's 40 pages from now. Oh my God, what is it? hold it, what is it about my eyes?

That makes you think that? she asked, widening her eyes. Well, I have to say it's just a quality the eyes have. Oh God, no, come on.

And when the light hits them a certain way. Plus some people have a lot of veins in their eyes, yes, but you don't, you're relatively vein clear.

So that's what made me think, cut to 40 pages later. Hey, okay, if that's what you wish.

ZIP Thwab-a-dab-a-Shab-a-dab-a.

But it's not what you think it was. He unzipped his pants and just pudding fell out.

Yeah, he was keeping pudding in his pants. What a waste of a good voice. I can't even do an ironic thing for eight seconds. Can you laugh in this register?

Oh, Jesus, Yeah, yeah, that's right, ha-ha-ha.

Good one guest, Let's use that. How about this? ha-ha? good one guest.

Hey, hey, hey, hey guest. What would an interview subject do if during the interview you said, Hello guest or good one guest? Well, we want to make sure we can use this as much as possible. I understand that.

That's what I'll do, ha-ha-ha-ha. Oh yeah, guest, yeah, loving it.

Loving it, Keep it going. Hey, that was a great anecdote. Guest. I can't wait to hear more after this brief commercial. For a kind of software I don't understand.

And we're back Conan O'Brien here with guest. And we are killing it. I think I'm worried about you, why, I don't know.

Maybe I've gone too far. Okay, maybe I have. Yeah, yeah.

I apologize, it's the cold, I don't know, I just I like it, I don't know.

Maybe we can do something with this. It is cool. No, I think it's really cool, it sounds really. I do prefer this to your regular voice.

Try some classic action hero lines and see if it matches, like, yippee-ki-yay motherfucker, yippee-ki-yay motherfucker. That's pretty good, okay?

Give me a couple, I don't remember, I dare you to knock this battery off my shoulder. You were referencing a commercial nobody remembers.

What is that? It's a battery ad from 1977. Okay, this has gone too far. Yeah, you owe everybody an apology, man.

Robert Conrad Oh, do I are you? Oh my God.

It would be a lot of giggling, no, but you would do a lot of pointing. You would point your face and move it in different angles, and your eyes would get very wide. I know, yeah, it was really fun to watch.

Let's have a quick conversation, the three of us in Sexy voice, all right here we go, all right sexy voice.

Hey everybody, how's it going? It's going pretty good. Hi, I'm sorry about your throat cancer. Hey man, it's all right.

I'm sorry about your tongue-octomy. Well, they reattached the tongue using a rubber one, so I'm fine now. Yeah, stop being sexy so fast, yeah.

Do you guys want to have sex or something? No, I do not. No, me neither. That's not how sexy people ask people if they want to have sex. No, really.

Will you ask us how to have sex with us? What the fuck, Jesus?

Now I'm going back to my regular voice. Jesus, oh my, oh my. Stars and garters fresh.

Jesus Christ, what the hell, Sona, mother of two? What the hell is wrong with you?

Well, what I'd like to know is if there's a way. Eduardo. The real takeaway from this is that people do prefer this voice.

Oh good, yeah, all right.

That made sense to me. All right, let's get into it. Give this the sexiest reading you possibly can. Here we go.

Oh God, my guest today is a comedian, writer and former U.S senator. Oh, hold me back, oh God.

Hold me back, who is this? That really narrows it down, Oh God. He was one of the original writers for Saturday Night Live and the author of four number one New York Times bestsellers.

Hi Poppy.

He currently hosts his own podcast, The Al Franken Podcast. He's here today, Al Franken, welcome.

We go back a long way, we do. I met you in February.

No, you didn't let me finish. 1988 February of 1988. I showed up at Saturday Night Live and you were, I was so nervous. And you have a very distinctive, hearty laugh, and I remember you early on laughing at something. I said, and it made me feel a lot better, and I was, I felt like, Okay, that's the story.

And then Dana Carvey, Maybe is the sun around which other laughs revolve the hydrogen of comedy? Oh, okay, this is a terrible podcast already.

I'm going to get it back on track. Okay, and just say that I got to know you all those years ago and we've remained very good friends, yeah.

No, I mean, it's the thing I mean, you play your character on this show.

I'm saying stuff that's so obvious that you're very aware of the stuff. And of course, you wouldn't be able to be funny about your faults unless you're aware of them. Yeah, there we go.

Yeah.

Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. good, good, good, good, okay.

I think we got what we need for this interview. Uh, oh, I do think your instinct, not your instinct. But you can be so good at being bad if you wanted to. And I don't think anyone's better at just just being just, you know, like, just what are you talking about?

Like, pressing buttons like you do. Oh, I learned, yeah, I came from a kiln, a kiln in Brookline, Massachusetts. They packed a bunch of crazy Irish people together in a very small space.

Yes, and that's where you get this Frankenstein. So blame it on them. It's like, you're an addict to evil, but you're sober.

I'm more of a Stalin guy, you know, I like agricultural plans that don't work.

Devastate a whole generation. Anyway. Let's make the focus you Al, which is, you are such a funny guy and you have made this turn.

I serve with Bernie, Bernie is great, I understand single payer. I backed the single payer, yeah.

And Bernie was saying there'll be no private insurance.

And people would like their private insurance and also their employer paid for it. Basically, right? And what you'll get is something you've never seen and you don't know what it is.

But I guarantee, you know, and then, you know, there's a reason for that. Yeah, the British system is great, but every other country has universal health care, and other than they all have some private health insurance.

So I was that and then 80 percent was like, I went, Oh, well, this is stand up, yeah, and I admire stand up.

Sinbad would crush with public policy. You know, this is the this is. You know, we've been. We've known each other for a long time, and I've seen you through, I think, a dispassionate lens, where I can say there was this period.

Where you needed to be serious.

Don't be funny.

Right, and so to want you to be, want to know that you're serious about this. Yeah, and I went, Yeah, no shit, and I didn't really internalize it at first.

So I, I tell the story well, the first day I'm there, I get sworn in, go back to my office. First day in my office, I've never been to take the subway back to the office.

Go to the Heart building, get in my office, there's a sheet on my paper on my desk. And I learned that. One of your duties as a senator is to write congratulatory notes to constituents. And this first note is to Ruth Anderson, who's turning one hundred and ten.

She's from Marshall, Minnesota. She's turning one hundred and ten. So I've been told, don't be funny, so I get out my official station. I use it for the first time.

I write, Dear Ruth, you have a bright future.

And I said, It's a joke. Uh-huh, you think Ruth Anderson will find it funny?

I said, I don't know, she's a hundred and ten.

And he said, I'm sorry, he said. Do you think her family will find it funny?

We're talking about a classic.

It's not even moving.

The Judiciary Committee and Sotomayor and Amy Klobuchar, who is my senior senator, who was a prosecutor. Asked her, like, why did you become a prosecutor? And she said, Well, because I watch Perry Mason and I watch Perry Mason too. So when it got to me, I just said, Why if you watch Perry Mason? A show in which the prosecutor lost every case.

And she said, I don't know, and I said, just because I'm trained like you, I just said, Didn't the White House prepare you?

Didn't they prepare you on TV Trivia?

Why she became a prosecutor? because Amy had an athlete. And then she will say, Perry Mason, and then I'll say, Well, how did you become?

Sona just hates me right now.

I said, I'm going to Vieques, which is Puerto Rico, and he goes like, do two immediately, boom, do two fundraisers. One for the people who are for statehood, one for the people who are against. They never talk to each other.

My god.

I mean that I didn't understand, but I knew that you knew him. So I called you up and I said, now couldn't? He say, Look, we've gone too far and so, you know, and you went, No.

That's not what he's going to do. And you were right.

Now, by the way, just so that you know that Conan and his show aren't, don't have a political bias. They all, none of them had any reaction.

I'm just letting, I just no, I agree. Yeah, oh yeah.

We all do, yeah, wait, what? no, I don't know we'll handle this.

Oh, okay, I'm just a woman, I'm just going to sit over here. The men are talking, so no.

And it was just discourse, the guy with the Buffalo head.

That was pretty obvious, yeah, and 10 of them did, and I think all, probably all 10, went like, Well, this is the right thing to do, and it's obvious, isn't it?

Everybody.

And um, but you know, I, you know, especially when we were saying I was relieved at the election. That wasn't the red wave. Everyone thought, Franny, my wife, you know, Franny said. It's as if American said, Stop it.

I don't think, I don't think we put that out.

Maybe 53 sure about that, 52 sure about that. I know it's oscillating as I discuss it.

Uh, but um, I don't know, are you, are you? No, you're not optimistic.

Right, I'm watching you go down, you used to be 54..

You had pacifiers in and you took ecstasy. I had a pacifier and ecstasy, and I had glow sticks, and I was whipping them around. Yeah, sure, you've seen photos of me from the late eighties, early nineties.

I was losing it. He's fantastic. I wore two eye patches, uh, and I couldn't see where I was going. I was constantly being hit by calves.

Better anyway.

Right, and then I get mad at him, I'm an asshole and I didn't. I kicked my dad in the ass, okay?

So that one was on, everyone loved it.

Next time I have mine, Tom and I would do very dark stuff. And in this one, I think, Um, I have them. They're in dress, they're wearing, uh, stars of David.

And overcoat, circa 1935.

Nazi Germany? And Tom and I are in Gestapo outfits, right?

Now we're on the show, we're live. I just can't and my friend, I can't go back to Temple, right?

Do this sketch with you in the gestapo.

And then I get really mad at him and yell at him and this kind of ends that way.

Yeah, he was a, and, uh, represented everybody.

Lauren comes after Up to me after the show and said, Al, don't put me in the position of cutting your parents ever again.

I couldn't go like, Lauren, that's amazing that you cut us on. The Gestapo star of David, My Parents as.

I'd written a UH magazine article in the late Nineties saying that parents should probably, um, monitor what their kids get online. And uh, so, but I wrote a satirically so I said. My son Joe did a great fourth grade report last week on bestiality and he downloaded a lot of great visual aids. And the kids in the class just loved them.

Franken told jokes about bestiality.

So we had to. Chuck Schumer was like, monitoring my race, I was running for the nomination at the time. Yeah, and he's going. This is too much baggage.

And, uh, so my pulse. We had to do focus groups to see if this really was a problem and if we could, you know, overcome it, you have the focus group in. And she. The first question you asked If you knew that Al Franken told jokes about bestiality, would you be more likely to vote for him?

It turned out less likely, but we discovered that, you know, if you explain things that Minnesotans got irony and they got, you know what satire was. It wasn't a real problem, and then I went out to show this great report, saying it wasn't a problem to Harry Reid. And then he asked me, What joke could you tell about the Holocaust?

And I said, Well, it, uh, okay. The joke was, I think a bad Hanukkah gift for Anne Frank would have been a drum set. And then Harry started shaking and I start thinking, Okay, this is either very good or very bad. And he just thought it was the funniest joke he'd ever heard.

So I was okay right after that. Oh, but the best joke in Comedy Killers, The Sketch you remember was Final Comedy Killer, like Final Jeopardy. Uh, last it was the, you know, the ding ding ding ding ding was the biggest comedy killer of all time.

Downey wrote This joke here was what was the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand?

It was like it for, you know, 34 years closer or something right? five years closer, you know?

By the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand, Yeah, by Gabrielle French War, Gabrielle Princip, I think shot him, yes.

Archduke Ferdinand was on his way back, he had, he was, he was leaving Sarajevo. Are you doing a comedy killer?

Yeah, okay, he's leaving Sarajevo. His driver took a wrong turn and his car kind of stopped right in front of a cafe. Princip it had his chance to shoot, you know, the Archduke, and hadn't done it, but the the.

Suddenly, he's sitting in a cafe, consoling himself by having a cup of coffee when this car pulls up in front of that cafe, and who's in it? But the archduke and his wife, and he just puts his cup of coffee down and steps out and kills them both. What an insane coink eating.

Anyhoo, we were doing comedy Killers and I wanted to keep going as the Archduke. FERDINAND Well, that that shows.

Listen, why do you suddenly have the balls to do it? If he was, if he couldn't do it, the first he was able, I think there was. He didn't have a shot, yeah, he just couldn't do it. Not that he like chicken now. His blood sugar was low, but then he had a donut and a cup of coffee.

And then this guy in a big hat with Ostrich feathers and medals pulls up right outside. He ran his horse up to, and it was in favor of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the waiter said, Oh, we're also serving gun today.

Grabbed a gun and said, I'll take one of those. And then the whole thing just came together beautifully. Okay, yeah, yeah, do you watch Sarnat live now? Do you check it out? I?

Yeah, do you feel like, Oh, that's the show?

That's music.

Like, they're talking I.

Understand, the kids like it, but I don't.

Especially grateful death I.

Does it? Can you understand that this is still the same show, or does it feel like, well, it's it?

It's not, it's, it's morphed so many times, it's something else.

Yeah, 48 years, so yeah, it's different, it's different. I. I just think their approach to political comedy is different. Downey and I used to write a lot of stuff in that and you. We talked last time I was on about doing the debate stuff and we tried to do stuff that. Our motto was to reward people for knowing stuff, but not punish them for not knowing stuff, right?

And so I was proud of the political stuff we write. And yeah, they hit it every once in a while, and, like, we missed it.

Because that's how I work. I like to include people in the process so they can see behind the scenes what's happening. You're touring the country, and the name of the tour is the only former U.S senator currently on Tour tour. I love that.

Say what it was. Are you mostly talking? are you talking about current events a lot in your stand-up? are you talking about your years in the Senate?

I.

Then the Irish, of course, and then comedians who go into politics like Zelensky. The bravest, Yeah, so so then I talked about how I became one of basically the second bravest person.

So it's biographical. And then I get to me in the Senate and I thought about those colleagues and mm-hmm. And then I go, yeah, and then I go into some stuff that's happening now, right, you know? Zelensky famously.

Running running with a suitcase that keeps flapping open, and long underwear falls out, and you've got to stop and shove it back in, and then you keep running.

Yeah, I don't want to ride, I want ammunition. And that was pretty. I have to ask, you know, you're? you're? You're married to a guy from Russia, but he's from Armenia.

They're cute. You pull the string and it says, Get in line for bread.

I.

Pitched attack that we start a podcast about American versus Soviet toys called Paris Toyka. Oh, that's Paris.

He's still standing. This is the longest innovation, amazing.

Wow, look, just taking in all the love, Paris Toyka, the French toy. Every time you came on my show in the Late-night show, years and years and years, you'd come on. And at the end, and music was playing, you would do an insane dance up and down the aisles, running and running and burning all these calories. Loved it, and then I think you never had it nine times out of ten, if not ten times out of ten, it got cut for time.

Oh, I mean, you built, you must have. You worked so hard on that ending and it was fantastic. I think it got in once. I do, I'm not sure it did.

No, this was.

Don't.

Fucking ever. Oh, this song would go and go and go, and I think the band didn't want to cut you off so they'd keep it going. Your resting heart rate when you were done was something like 265. And and then because show would end with me saying, All right, you know, tomorrow Lenny Kravitz, and then bang out completely out. And there was all this wasted energy. It's not seen by the American public.

Well, it was still worth it and entertain me, and it entertained the 185 people that were in that room. That's right, that's right, and that's all I 3000 I can make, just.

Do you feel that still? Yeah, now more I cherish you also have everyone I know. I think some of this very strong legs, just gonna end on that. you have very strong buttocks and legs. I've seen you leg wrestle.

I saw you leg wrestle in these Saturday night live offices and I was impressed no one could take you very.

Strong, muscular legs sounds like a challenge to me. CONAN No, not for me. No, I have. I'm. I have two twizzlers for legs, the Red Twizzlers, No. I would, I would fall apart immediately.

I'm no, I'm just telling you I'd love to see it. I wanted to end on. A fun fact about Al Franken is you won't find a man with stronger leg and buttock muscles.

Yeah, yeah, there you go, thank you. wow, you bet? thank you.

Sona, I think you need to apologize. What did I do? What? This time? I know that's the thing is I. I was saying to Gourley, he said to me, Should we do some kind of new segment?

And I said, let's just do a segment called Sona apologizes. And it's just because I know you've done something bad. I don't know what it is, I know that you've screwed something up clean. Sona does. First of all, what it is, you did wrong and then please apologize. What are you doing?

I don't know what are you doing? Well, don't you think that's a safe assumption that you've done something? You've probably done something.

You probably made a restaurant reservation and said it was for Conan O'Brien, and then you intact went, but I wouldn't apologize.

And so clearly, you have. And by the way, the cheesecake factory does not require. I know I've waited for over an hour for the cheesecake factory, but I don't know. I don't think I've done any. I mean, the thing is, though, because I don't do as much as I used to do, the chances of me screwing something up have fallen a lot. Because now, whenever you ask me to do something, I really want to, like, you know, want to please me? No, I want, I want to keep getting.

No, I want to keep getting paid, yes, I see, so I want to just keep doing. Is there anything in the past?

You want to dig deep, maybe find something from the yeah, yeah.

About something I should apologize to you for, don't you think in general? you just, I'm saying, blanket Gourley. In general, you should just apologize. Do you want to apologize to me? Well, listen, that could be another segment and I don't think we'll have time for it.

Is that a family emergency? As if my dad's mustache went on strike. You said this, like, a week ago, what are you talking about? Yeah, you said that, you said that doesn't even a joke. You, that's a fragment.

What's the whole job, you said? A family emergency for Sona, as if her dad's mustache went on strike. That's funny. Okay, you said it, I just wanted you to say it, right times.

Have you pet my head? And you've, you've, like, smelled your hand and you've got garlic? Yeah, and you've also said, you've also said, you know, I need an industrial press to straighten my hair. Your hair is out of control.

Yeah, you know what that we had to get, you know, when we started doing the podcast, we didn't think about this. We just used regular headsets. You know, by by sure, they're the best headsets in the business, if you ask me. I'm glad they have their name on the side, but we forgot about Sona's hair.

Your hair is so powerful that we had to get. We had to go to the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers and have an engineer out of steel. They just may used an old bear trap, they used a bear trap. Yeah, it's basically.

Yes, exactly, you told me, you said that my dad built my brother out of wood and that he wanted him to be a real boy. God, you have it. She has so many memories of my good bits. Yes, did I say that your father, who looks a little like Geppetto, had built your older brother, possibly out of wood? And because he dreamed of having a real boy?

Yes, I did make that offhanded quip once, you've probably said it to a member of the press.

Or like an Obama or someone important that, like, I want to think I'm into, like, cool. And yeah. I did at great length. Explained to President Barack Obama that my assistant, Sona's brother, was carved out of wood by his father.

What I don't think? First of all, I think these are all class a bits, good material, they solid landing. I mean, the fact that I'm able to be this creative around you, I think, should be a source of wonder.

How many stores have we walked into? Where you're like, watch out for her, she's steals and she's got sticky fingers. No, I, I said, you steal babies at the market.

That's right, okay, oh, but you've also said I just steal to like stores we just walk into. well, no one specifically was an eyeglass store we went into.

I said, Watch out for her, she's she's got sticky fingers. And you know, and you know what, they followed you around, they didn't know you were joking.

So they, I wasn't joking.

No, but I don't take stuff, sometimes, I don't do it anymore and I wouldn't.

Need to apologize to me? I think, I think, first of all, that's a dangerous precedent for me to admit to any crime and to apologize. I think that's a road we shouldn't go down. But I'm gonna take your admission that you steal and steal, often as an apology, and no, that doesn't know.

Is that a special no that you reserve for special time? Me? Admitting something doesn't mean I'm apologizing for it, I'm just admitting that it happened. I think that you, if you're not gonna apologize to me, I'm not gonna apologize to you. Why should I do it if you're not gonna do it?

Well, if you paid me recently, all right, I'm sorry, this, I'm. This is just how it works. I'm the guy who's writing the check, somebody needs to apologize to someone, so I'll do it. No, thank you.

How many times have you tried to smack my hair? bun? Oh, it's so fun. Have you seen me do that? No, she gets her hair in a bun.

Oh, yeah, and I take a whack at it. And if I do it just right, the little elastic goes and the hair goes pop and it fills the whole room you're in. It's great, it's so much fun. No, I think that you I, so now I'm gonna end this.

Right now you have nothing to apologize for. You're a wonderful person, you're a good friend. We've been through a lot together. My lawyer made me remember, and I think, because you're telling me not to apologize now, I'm gonna say, I'm sorry, really.

Wow, you weren't accomplished, mission accomplished. And Gorley, I think you owe us both an apology. You got it right, you come in here with your Mr. Rogers sweater.

Okay, I'm sorry, but you know, I mean, yeah, these are the people that you meet in the neighborhood, in the neighborhood, that's me. Yeah, that's not the song, what? These are the people in No.

You're talking about?

Which one is cookie monster? On Sesame Street? Apologize. I'm realizing now I really don't like Mr. Rogers neighborhood. Oh my god, Sesame Street, for real, you know, the neighborhood of Make-believe is in is in Mr. Rogers.

I'm sorry, I'm rewatching all this stuff. Yeah, I'm real deep into it every day. Yeah, yeah.

Wait, what are we talking about now? I got lost. Well, we just watch a lot of children's programming, right? because you have kids. I just sit there and watch it as I was just a fan.

I see, yeah, I'm like, Mr. Rogers is on. I gotta, you know, get my cereal out and watch. Those are good times.

Look, I got off the rails there a little bit. We'll clean it up. Where do we end? No, I want to talk about this. We got so no to apologize.

We got so no to apologize, and Gorley has apologized. And I never did. Actually. I said, I would do. You want you to see, you're not gonna apologize for anything. What have I done except take care of you and your extended family? I am the sun, and you are a plant that grows because of my rays, my beneficent golden rays. It's like you to apologize for your weird metaphors.

I'm that sometimes the sun will sunburn you, yeah, and I think that the sun owes that person an apology.

And I apologize for that sunburn, that's funny, the sun is just I.

Provide all life on earth. Yeah, I know, what about that sunburn? That guy got in Bermuda, he's very pale and he didn't sign.

Oh, what about Icarus? That was his fault, That was Icarus's fault. I trust son. I apologized to Charles Millman.

Canoga Falls, Ohio.

For burning his shoulders, it made his stay unpleasant and he had to buy aloe gel. Thanks son, Now maybe you'd like to thank me for all the crops. We're good son.

Bye, fuck.

Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien. Sonam Obsession and Matt Gourley Produced by Me Matt Gourley executive produced by Adam Sachs. Joanna Solitaroff and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Your Wolf. Theme song by the White Stripes.

Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino Take it away, Jimmy.

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