#608 - ADAM RAY

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You could also click on tour dates and come see a live show. I now own a brand new comedy club here in Austin, Texas, called the Sunset Strip Comedy Club. You can go to that website at sunsetstripatx..com. Come check out a show and say hi. Tony Hinchcliffe has his own website, tonyhinchcliffe.com.

He's always on the road, he's going on tour. You can find him and Golden Pony at Tonyhinchcliffe.com. Also Killmerch..com, that's the new official merchandise of the Kill Tony show.

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Hey, this is Redman coming to you. Live from the comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it Up for Tony Hinchcliffe.

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Are you guys ready to start tonight's episode or what?

Guys, this is a veteran guest of the show, a guy that I've been doing stand-up comedy with for over 16 years. He has at least over five appearances as a guest on this show, truly one of the funniest comedians in the world. He's on NBC's Young Rock. His new special read. The Room just dropped the host of the podcast about last night, one of the greats, Adam Ray. Everybody.

One of the best. If you don't know, you're about to fucking know.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, this guy gets it. This guy wanted me to punch him. He's like, Dude, you didn't do it.

Do it, do it, take it easy. That was beautiful, I love it, the energy in this room. You could cut it with a knife. ADAM RAY Welcome back my friend.

Welcome back Kill Tony fans. Baby got the band, we got the new setup, got a spiritual counselor. Where is he?

Where's the spiritual counselor? Yeah, the first guy. You said hi to Namaste. you said, oh, hi to him as soon as you came out.

Yeah, dude, didn't I buy cigarettes from you in Grand Theft Auto two weeks ago?

He's a character, I love the look. Yeah, you're killing it, dude. It is incredible. this is awesome.

Adam, you've been on the show many, many times before. I love it. He's one of those guys, you know. I'm a little bit dark, a little bit strategic, he's a little bit silly and fun. But for some reason. 16 years. We've been doing this together and when we get around each other, we have such a fun synergy. We have so much fun and positive.

It's gonna go that way tonight. I specifically booked him as a solo guest for a reason. We're all gonna find out why over the next two hours. Sound like fun, let's do it.

Let's do it, baby.

173 souls stand in the alleyway right now. This is names on names. They are behind the building, right behind us. We're gonna start with a regular, but after that we are gonna go with Joey Bueno after that.

Oh, my God, he's still alive. Pulling names so that we can get their phones and security fucking things so that it's not that long of a wait. But when I pull their name out, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted to do standup comedy. This is their first time ever trying it. Sometimes they're a local legend that has put so much work into this minute and this appearance that they're literally trying to make it tonight.

On this show, I just found out that the great Aaron Belisle, up in Canada with cerebral palsy, just hit 5 million views on YouTube.

Posting his own clip of his appearance on this show I mean, it is unbelievable. What's going on. They get 60 seconds, you know, their time is up, and you hear the sound of a kitten.

That means they have to wrap it up then and bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which is loud and interrupts them. We're gonna go with this bucket pool in just a second. But we should start it with someone that we all know and love very well, right?

You know him, you know the story. Every minute is new. Here we go sing it.

If you know the words, this is Hans Kim.

Kim kim? kim kim kim kim kim kim kim kim?

Kim Kim?

I was recently in Canada, I never know if Canadians are nice or just stupid.

I feel like I could take over their country just by saying, Fuck you.

But yes, love it. Here in America, a lot of people are complaining that our military budget is too high, which is just proof that our military budget is not high enough.

Everyone's comparing it to what it costs to have a military, but not what it can get us like Guatemala and Costa Rica and Nicaragua.

I am dating a very beautiful woman, I think she's only with me because I'm a comedian.

I'd hate to be there when she finds out that attractive comedians exist, too.

I already went on her Instagram and blocked Matt Rife and Pete Davidson. Adam Ray All right, thank you.

Hans Kim.

Welcome Hans, what was that last joke supposed to mean that I'm not attractive? Oh, you should just say that next time, really hit it right on the head.

It looks like you've been hit on the head, so you might as well do it. I love it. How about a hand for the amazing staff filling that table?

Look at the mustache on this motherfucker, right? You can tell Rogan injects testosterone into all the employees here. It's incredible. With that mustache. He can fix a truck or find a clit. Either way. absolutely, either way, he's doing something with his life.

I'll tell you who can't do either one of those things Hans Kim is.

Transition.

My sweet, sweet Hans, let's talk about it.

Let's have a budget talk tonight. Yeah, I've been really interested in our budget.

Why? what's going on? Was that your pickup line to your girlfriend?

I would just like to know about politics and just have a say in what goes on and be a civic. You weren't always this way. Did you change when you sucked on the Dalai Lama's tongue this week?

Wow.

Funny, funny. I've been waiting five days to do that joke. By the way, that video is so fucking gross. It makes two girls one cup look like air bud. 3. Do you know what I'm saying?

It's fucking, so disgusting, but what did it taste like? Yeah, holy, totally hell.

Yeah, I love it. What's going on in your real life, Hans? Let's talk about it. I just did a great, amazing run of shows in Toronto, and Toronto, Canada, sold out most of them, that's cool.

Oh, okay, good, you're building, baby, you didn't have to say that. I like being honest.

Jared Nathan opened for me. He was great. Oh so funny. Yes, that's great. we love Jared Nathan. What else?

He killed it. What did you do for fun? I always like to know about your social life, Hans. You're a real interesting creature. We know you do good on stage.

You have spreadsheets with jokes, he studies them all day after the show. Things tend to get a little wild for you. Why don't you tell us about some of your Toronto nightlife? Let's just say I go a little off the spreadsheet.

I'm sorry.

Hans is that code for domestic abuse. What does that mean? Break that down? It just means that I go all the way off the excel, just living an uncharted life. What's the craziest thing Hans Kim could do?

That someone in his family that knows him well would go, Holy shit, Hans. I recently flew a drone without a license. Whoa.

There we go, there we go. Did you crash it? No, not this time. Wow, all right, very fun, okay?

We I ate poke in Toronto, which is a sushi for poor people.

How was it? It was amazing. A little too much cucumber, but I did. That's kind of my fault. Save it for Yelp.

Not exactly the party filled adventure that I thought it would be. I honestly. I fell asleep on the lift to a comedy club, another comedy club, the Royal, and I met a couple of comedians, just shook some hands and then went home and slept. I really didn't do much this time. I met some Koreans who were going to a nightclub and then I didn't go with them. Smart, smart.

North Koreans or South Koreans? They looked like a little South Korean. Okay, very good now. What we know about you. A lot of the updates as of the last few weeks is that you've had a little cocaine addiction as of late, Hans.

So have you been still dabbling in that? No, not at all. I have been clean and sober.

I'm a good boy, nobody believes you by the way. Do you hear that silence? Everyone's like, prove it. Yeah, almost went to a nightclub with some Koreans and totally did not, but I slept a lot the entire weekend.

There were some kids in my hotel room who were just making a ruckus.

Please get to the ending quickly. Did you complain? What'd you do? Did you molest them a little bit? What'd you do, Hans?

I just stuck my head out and I was like, shut up, oh wow. And then I closed the door. And they're like, Oh my god, that ugly guy was so mean.

I do believe Chris Rogers art over in the corner might be working on a little Hans piece over there. Oh my God, at least it's either Hans or the guy from Mad Magazine. I'm not sure, but we're gonna get to it. Alfred E.

Newman looks like a little Hansy Llama.

It's happening over there, it's good, I like that. Well, Hans, way to get the show started. Thank you so much. thank you Tony.

Hans Pym Everybody there, he goes.

Yeah.

So up next is gonna be Genevieve, but right now, the first name I pulled out. Make some noise for Joey. Bueno, everybody, here we go, 60 seconds uninterrupted.

I have a little weight problem guys, yeah, but recently I lost weight, I exercise guys. It's called Adderall.

You just kinda, you just do it like that, snort it. The legal blow.

Yeah, it sucks. I'm addicted to sugar, guys, that's my big thing. I went to my doctor and they're like, I don't know if you know this, but sugar is more addictive than cocaine. I don't believe them because I've never blown a guy for some skittles.

You know what I mean, I've never given a guy a handjob on Pleasant Valley for some laffy taffy, You know what I mean, I've never, guys. If sugar was more addictive than cocaine, we would all have a sugar dealer and call him after a couple drinks.

You know what I'm talking about, right? Hey man, call your guy. No, you fucking call the guy. fuck. What's his name, Willy?

Willy What? Wonka? All right, hello, hello Mr. Wonka.

Can you bring over some laffy taffy? please? I'll blow you.

And yeah, I think that's it. Thank you. 51 seconds from Joey Bueno. Thank you, thank you.

Welcome Joey. thank you. you've been on this show before when Adam was here last time. Amazing.

Somehow, you get less and less funny every time you're on the show. Quite incredible. Have you been doing a lot of standup, dude? I haven't, I haven't been getting up.

I feel a little rusty today. Why? Why haven't you been getting up? Because I work late? I'm a speech therapist.

I don't know if you remember, that's right, yeah. So it's hard to get on a mic and it's getting hard and I work late. Have you ever thought about trying a different art form?

Yeah, I DJ, I sing, I've tried them all you sing, I try to.

What do you sing? I sing? 80s, The Doors. What's a song that you sing? I can do? Roadhouse blues by the doors. Do you know that?

One, you guys know, Roadhouse Blues, Yeah, one, two, one, two, three, four.

Hey, keep your eyes on the road, your hands upon the wheel ♪.

Keep your eyes on the road, your hands upon the wheel. All right, stop, stop, stop, okay.

Joey, I got good news for you. you're a singer dude. Okay, really? stop doing comedy, dude. By the way, he was two beats away from me, like, I'll suck your dick for some laffy taffy.

Exactly that is, it seems to be the theme of things. Yeah, man, Joey, give us something real about your personal life.

We hear you talking about sugar and blow and all this shit. But give us something in your personal life, something true to you, like a real fun fact, something that maybe isn't funny on the surface, but is a part of your real life. I pee a lot.

Okay, I think that's a compliment, I don't know, but it just, I don't know, dude, I'm always peeing. It sucks because I used to sit in the front of the vulcan and I would have to do a fucking so you wouldn't interrupt the show. Okay, sorry if that's not the most interesting thing.

Fuck yeah, I'm a speech therapist, too. I was. You were here last time. We know all the things that we've already talked about. Joey, Right, right.

I'm asking about anything else in the world, peeing a lot, really, I mean.

Man, I like to sing, I like to DJ, I have anxiety, I pee a lot, I hate working with kids. There, he goes, Joey, Bueno, everybody, don't sign up again, Joey, don't? You're a sweet man, but I don't think this show's built for you.

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They're committed to ensuring that the highest ethical standards are observed when sourcing diamonds and jewelry. Their diamond price guarantee means that, in most cases, they can meet or beat a competitor's price. And every Blue Nile order is insured and arrives in packaging that won't give away what's inside. In most cases, it can be delivered overnight. Blue Nile offers a 100 satisfaction guarantee with guaranteed free shipping and returns, so you can make sure your ring is the one.

And because you want that love to last forever, you get guaranteed service and repair on it for life. Right now. Get 30 off select Lab-grown diamonds on Bluenile.com. Plus, use code ToNy to get $50 off your engagement ring. Purchase of $500 or more. Get $50 off with code ToNy at Bluenile.com Bluenile.com. Your next comedian has been on the show before.

One of the great door people here at the comedy Mothership up next is gonna be Billy Ray Griffin. But right now, you get the comedy stylings of Genevieve, everybody make some noise for Genevieve. 60 seconds uninterrupted.

What up, though?

I'm not the sharpest crayon in the box. But I heard not too long ago that White Claw came out with a new drink called Lemonade Strawberry. Now it's not alarming to y'all right now, but in all 34 years of my life, lemonade has never came before strawberry.

Thank you bro, I'm gonna get out of here on this. You gotta think about life a little bit differently sometimes, you gotta have a different perspective. One day I was sitting outside on my balcony, depressed as hell, thinking about ending it all. And then a cousin from the hood called and was like, You're on the balcony.

I'm at Genevieve y'all, thank you.

I was watching you the whole time. Full connection with the crowd, not looking down, showing no weakness, not trying to remember anything or recall anything. You're doing your shit. It's a minute we've never heard before. How do you feel? pretty fucking good?

Happy birthday big titties.

Indeed, Trump. Lemonade, strawberry. All hilarious all the way through. You work here now at the mothership? Yes, I do. What's up y'all?

There's a whole new swagger to you, I can feel it. I've known you. You worked at Vulcan the whole time that we were there. You were on this show when we were at that other place that's filled with roaches and death.

Before that, yeah, toenails or something anyway. That place is basically closed permanently.

So I don't go there anymore anyway.

They got good water, yeah, but here you are, absolutely smashing. Tell us how your life has changed since working here? Underneath the Joe Rogan umbrella man, from the Kill Tony Bump to this, I couldn't ask for a better start in comedy in Austin.

This has been fucking amazing. I'm happy that all y'all enjoying this with us. It's a process we love. Man. It's a good time, absolutely.

Thank you, you know, that sounds like home.

Nobody sells me weed at gas stations. We just want you to feel at home here. Yes, there's a helicopter. I could take a nap right now.

Oh my God, I could take a nap right now.

Amazing Genevieve, you're absolutely smashing. What's going on when you're not here, when you're not working? I've been picking up racquetball, playing with different comedians, whooping their little ass. You know what I'm saying? Oh shit.

Yeah, it's racquetball, a country club sport. yeah, normally when Black people are making racquet, it's at a movie theater.

I always like to check in with John Dees after I do, Black people jokes. I just see his stone cold face looking back at me.

Racquetball, huh, you playing with white people? yeah, white black people, all types of people, trans people, all types of people. oh shit, racquetballs.

I slipped on my scrotum. I'm not going to lie, I'm not going to lie, grab me a bud light, all right.

Topical, topical can't help it, I have a problem.

Genevieve It is incredible to watch your growth, it is amazing. It is incredible you have anything cool in your fanny pack that is a legit fanny pack.

Oh yeah, you know, a little philanthropy for after work.

Oh, shit, philanthropy. was that one of your cousins or something? That's right, old philanthropy, Jenkins, everybody next to my cousin, Epiphany.

Oh, shit.

I'd love to have you on the Secret Show at Vulcan Thursday. Boom, a paying comedy gig.

No, that's good, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. Yeah, thank y'all Genevieve. everybody. make some noise for Genevieve, Genevieve.

We're keeping things moving today. Everybody. Make some noise for your next comedian, Billy Ray Griffin, everybody.

So growing up as a teenager, I wasn't really into jerking off, I was more of a humper. You name that shit, Billy Ray's on it. Bathroom sinks, couches. Maybe that's how they invented the love seat, I don't know.

I just know this, though. One time I was at the laundromat and an old lady walked in me in the bathroom. While I was bare ass trying to fuck the bathroom sink, just like my laundry, I was trying to put a load in. Yeah, shit, got so bad. My parents took me to Ashley Furniture.

Fuck Ashley, I'm there to fuck the furniture.

Wow, he's very confident. Ending at a strong 42 seconds direct eye contact mic in the mic stand, he clapped for himself a couple times. Still, the minute is not over. I'm watching it 59 and 60..

Incredible, that's how long I last, but damn Billy Ray Griffin, that was everything that I tried to get out of Joey Bueno earlier. I'm like, give me something about yourself that you would be embarrassed to say, and you just come out guns a blazing right?

With the most. Ah, yeah, you gotta go all out. Adam Ray, what do you think about this? I mean, are you my dad? I mean, Miley Cyrus can call me dad.

It depends, is your mother a lazy boy?

Tony, Tony, Tony.

Okay, just wait for the questions. Then. Yes, yes, yes, sir. You're a little bit interruptive. You're very excited right now, right? How long you been doing standup for?

About on and off, like three years. I've done about like 20 open mics. I never headlined or like, opened for anyone. We know no one was wondering if you've headlined somewhere.

I don't know how many hours of I fuck shit material people can handle.

Okay, so Billy Ray Griffin, Where do you do standup comedy? AusTIN, Texas No, I just drove here from Florida today, from Florida, yeah, today.

Yeah, today, I quit my job yesterday. Is there anything else here I want to do? Fuck it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Yeah, slow down one thing at a time, holy shit, one step at a time. I got all these tattoos on the drive over. Hold on.

Yeah, so wait, I got them at your mom's house. Okay, you could have done.

Okay, my mom died two weeks ago, so that's fucked up. Yeah, oh damn, no, she's alive, but you guys, thanks for being on my side.

It's all good, No, it's all good. If she was dead, he'd probably he'd be most likely to fuck her then, I mean.

The amount of women objects is unbelievable. Billy Ray GRIFFin Let me ask you this, this is all moving so fast. You said that you drove here from Florida today and you quit your job yesterday. why would you quit your job? To come here to sign up for the show?

I got an interview Wednesday at a job here in Austin and I, just, what job did you quit? It was a seafood restaurant. Oh shit, why are you saying that with a question mark?

What place, where was it? what was it really?

I mean, it's pretty smelly, yeah.

What was that, Redman? Are you talking about a strip club? was that or is it a real seafood place, I mean?

Why are you saying it like that? It was a buffet next to a strip club. So all you can very good is Billy Ray Griffin, your real.

A real stretch trying to add a strip club to that. That's your real name. Billy Ray Griffin? Yeah, Billy Ray. I've got Billy Ray Cyrus. Like, growing up as a kid, we know that, okay?

Billy, you're a real rambler. Stick with me here. It's more of the interview part of the show. Your uninterrupted time is over. Miley can call me daddy, though.

Very good. Okay, there you go. Does that work in Tallahassee? Thank you. let's go you ready for it?

Are you ready? What's your job interview? On Wednesday? It's at a breakfast restaurant. Okay, now, what do you do? Is it like a waiter job that you're looking for?

No cook, I'm a line cook. Okay, all right. Can we do a fake interview to prep him for the job? Wednesday? Let's do it, yeah.

Yeah, so this is the boss, right? All right, this is the GM Adam.

BILLY RAY GRIFFin Billy Ray Griffin Yeah, people, probably. I should probably warn you that I saw him fucking a chair in the lobby. Oh, that's fine, that's fine, that's fine.

Who hadn't done that? All right, so all right, no tongue-sucking here. But first of all, Billy Ray Cyrus, anybody ever call you that? All right, no, for real, though. Hey, we're gonna have to get rid of those tattoos.

Probably get you some better pants, but first question is, you know how to make eggs?

I scramble a few on a girl's vagina. Okay, I don't think this is gonna work out. Billy Ray HR again. damn it fuck HR's my best friend.

Okay, Billy, are you a little bit nervous? Your face is shaking? Is that normal? Is that a normal thing?

Are you a little bit excited? Being nervous is fine. Hey, it's okay to be nervous. I love this show, dude, I know, I know I get it, I get it.

Wednesday you have a job at the breakfast place. What's your living situation right now? You quit your job yesterday, You drove here today. We wanna know where are you sleeping tonight?

Great question, probably at a Walmart. But Billy Ray, stop trying to be funny. you're not that good at it. just answer the questions, honestly, Billy Ray.

What is your plan? I mean, if I get the job interview, but it goes Wednesday, like, that's not what I'm asking you, let's try it again. Ready? Where are you sleeping tonight?

My car, my car. Okay, okay, and do you know?

Where I can find a spot, I guess, Okay, what kind of car is it? It's a 2008 Hyundai Santa Fe. Okay, 2008. What's your license plate?

I'm awesome Tony, you didn't tell me about my love life. What my love life? Okay, I'm not going to.

Okay, fine, damn, I'm sure it has something to do with a fucking kitchen stool or something like that. What is it? Tell me about your love life, Billy Ray, Come on, you want me to set you up.

I'm going to hell for it, going to hell for what for my I'm hooking up with my ex.

And like, when we broke up, she had like she was 300 pounds and she got like gastric bypass surgery and she's pretty hot now.

But hello Pixar.

We've got the next rom-com, Oh my God, but there's a problem there though. No, you said that very sincerely, and I love that. No, no, no. But when she?

Billy Ray Let some of the laughter happen. Do you not? Are you not present? I'm bipolar, I don't have internet so I can watch whatever the fuck I want. Those are two, it's like different channels and shit in my head.

Like, I got horror, I got fucking comedy. well, some comedy, but like, you know, sci-fi stuff like that shut up.

By the way, keep, I'm bipolar and don't have internet. Out of the job interview on Wednesday. Yeah, damn it. Yeah, I have a lot of jobs. Yeah, that's good, you're hustling, you're grinding.

Yeah, I try well. I mean, I got fired a lot of jobs, that's okay. What was the craziest thing you got fired for?

Oh, this is going to be so good. Did you hear that grunt? That was a hard? oh.

It was Valentine's Day. Were you the barrel? This chick? Yeah, no, I could have been, I mean, hold on.

That's the fucking joke. Billy Ray just answered the questions. Go ahead. So it was at Cracker Barrel and it was busy. And I'm working with this one chick and she's like, Oh, you got fire in your ass, Billy, I'm getting my fucking ass kicked.

Somebody call it out and she bought cookies for everybody and it was over on the table. I'm like, you know, fuck this, I'm gone, threw my apron down, fucking kicked her cookies. I'm like, Boom, bitch, that's how the cookie crumbles.

And I walked out. I'm not mad about that, kind of funny. I think that's how everybody quits the cracker barrel. I don't think that's that shock.

So, Billy Ray, is that story about your ex true? Yeah, where does she live?

Near Florida, maybe, near Florida maybe. Is she dead now? No, but the thing is, by the way, that's how every murderer starts. The thing is, I'm going to hell, going to hell for it.

Like, she's married, but she hasn't had dick in like two years because her marriage is going through like a crippling spiral because her husband has cerebral palsy.

Is that why you said crippling spiral? Maybe, probably, but like, I think it's why he said, I'm going to give you that one that's for you. BILLY RAY Yeah, you said that.

I just said it again. The thing is, though, if he gets pissed off and finds out wants to throw like a hand, like my sister's autistic, she'll beat his ass for a chicken nugget. Wow, okay, the tattoos on your spiderweb on an elbow?

What does that mean? Again? I like Spider-man, Okie, Dokie.

I'd open with that on Wednesday.

Everyone likes Spider-man. I'm serious, right? Any other tattoos that are weird that we can't see? I have a pink camel tattoo on my toe, so I have a camel toe. you have a what a camel toe.

And I'm like, Yeah, it's like, great and like, you know, first date starter? Oh, okay, all right. BILLY RAY GRIFFIN Well, congratulations on getting pulled out of the bucket.

Here is a Here's a Little Joke book. It was nice to meet you. Can I say something? too? Yeah, Adam Rank, Can I? I'm going to say one more thing.

As being Ray Griffin, raised by a sweet Jewish single mom. I can't let you sleep in your fucking car tonight. I'm going to get you a hotel for three nights here in Austin, all right. Oh, look at that. oh my god, wow.

Just keep grinding, man, I can't do that. okay, okay, go on, but hey, but just keep hustling man.

And crush that job interview on Wednesday and don't you fucking jerk off in the La Quinta lobby?

All right, we're having fun here. I can't believe it. Adam's getting a hotel room. How do I get his info?

Yeah, Yoni will get it, Yoni get his info for me, get his memo.

Billy, How about one more time for Billy Ray Griffin, everybody?

All right, pulled another name out of the bucket. Make some noise for Brett O'Brien, everybody, Brett O'Brien, and just a little heads up.

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And now, ladies and gentlemen, Brett O'Brien, everybody.

The kid who beat me up in high school is now in jail for rape.

Who would have thought I was the lucky one?

Really dodged a bullet there.

You could say I was a gateway pounding.

I'm bad with women, I don't have any pickup lines, but I have drop-off lines.

Like, Bitch, don't tell anybody about this.

Get the fuck out of my van.

You should get tested.

Brett O'Brien with an unbelievable 60 seconds. Rock solid, well-written, well-executed. That's how you do it, that's stand-up comedy. How long you been doing this for? Coming up on four?

Four years, four years, all of it here in Austin, No. I started in Dallas for like, two, moved here about a year and a half ago. That's good, there's been a lot of great comedians that come out of Dallas, Texas. Also one of the worst human beings of all time that tried to assassinate my career two years ago.

But I mean, who's paying attention? You know what I mean? So you've been doing it a while. Very good, very fun. What's the most fun you've ever had on stage? Tell us the highlight of your career secret show here. Like a couple months ago.

Right, you did this show and you got booked. What did we find out about you last time you were on the show? How many different ways did I call you, Jeffrey Dahmer, last time you were here?

I had two of them countless, I bet I can't even imagine. Good thing you didn't eat it here tonight.

But you did kill, so you're still kind of like Jeffrey Dahmer.

No, you asked me what my parents did for work, and I didn't know what my mom did. Did you find out since then? Yeah, we found out. We called her on the show. Did she watch the episode? She watched it? yeah.

What did we find out? She's an office manager. Oh, okay, I'm sorry. how come we didn't know what she did?

I guess a bad son.

Selfish, she doesn't care about other people. You lived with her for how long? 18 years? Yeah, it just never came up.

She would come back from somewhere and you would just go, What's up, yeah?

And she wouldn't say, Oh man, today was crazy. It just, yeah, yeah. It was always like, How was your day? and I was never like, Yeah, how was yours?

Are you close with her now? Yeah, we got closer after the episode, really. That's amazing bringing people together.

In every single way, this is what we do. Wait, So can I ask a follow up? What have you learned since the reconnect? What additional facts about Mom do you now take an interest in?

She's Jewish.

First of all, you looked right at me when you said that which I am, but you shook your head like, I didn't think she looked Jewish. Which, yeah, okay, so is that good or bad? Well, it should be helping my career.

You do have the timing of a Jewish comedian. Jews are famously funny. You performed like a Jew tonight. How about your dad? What's your dad?

You have some light hair. So maybe he's Jewish, he's Irish, that's good, better than German, Germans, and Jews don't, really.

Yeah, your mom's Jewish, yet you look like you turned on the chambers. Yeah, exactly. no. Maybe it's the light German hair anyway. We can move on.

No 100%.

100. What do you do for work? Brad O'Brien, Tech Sales Okay, what do you do for fun? How does a guy like you get loose?

Yeah, that's a good question.

You know?

I try to, you know, not eat people. Sorry, go ahead, drink and go out with some friends, play golf, you know, very classic. When you go out with friends. What do you tend to do, you know, go to a bar and drink and go to comedy shows, concerts, things like that?

Okay, all right, any good concerts recently? I'm going to a widespread panic tomorrow. Nice, oh shit.

I bet Ojai's going to that too, huh? No, fuck them, dude. Salmon 87. Fuck them.

Unless Oasis is there.

Brett O'Brien What's your love life like? I have a girlfriend. Okay, oh my goodness, this is amazing. How long have you been with her?

About, like, a year, okay, what does she do? She just graduated high school.

No, she works at a country club. Okay, get benefits. Yeah, play golf. Which one?

No Austin Country Club. Oh yeah, it's like my third favorite course in the city. Glad that we became friends here today.

Okay, can I ask a question? Yeah, go ahead. I don't have pick-up lines, I have drop-off lines.

That's a really funny take. Are there other alts to that that you thought of? are there other real-life drop-off lines? You've said in your past that you're like, that'll make its way into the joke rotation at some point? No, I did have some other ones, but I don't remember.

Let's go back, let's go back to your relationship for a second with this country club. Here's a story. Is she a cart girl? No, she works in the Tennis Pro shop.

Oh, okay, she's out there kicking Genevieve off the racquetball courts right now.

Sorry, this isn't exactly your day, but please.

Let me ask you this because I find myself intrigued by your kind of stiff, proper style. What are you like in the bedroom? How do you keep things exciting in the bedroom? You seem like you are strictly missionary. Yeah, pretty vanilla.

What's the wildest thing you've ever done to your girlfriend?

It's okay, you can say it, you're in a safe space here. no one makes a safe space better than Joe Rogan. Come on.

You're safe here, everything is okay. I mean, we've 69'd, I don't think that's fucking.

Yeah, dude.

Well, listen to widespread panic, dude.

We 69'd, which is the square root of 1,192, so that's pretty exciting. Holy shit, you only did it once, you say that you 69'd like. It was a singular time. It's not that sick, really.

69ing, it's what, it's not that cool. 69ing, why isn't it that cool? Describe to us what your expectations were and what the results were on why it wasn't cool.

I mean, looking at a pussy on your face and looking at an asshole while getting your dick sucked, I promise you, it's pretty fucking cool.

I mean, I don't know, maybe I'm the weird one.

But I mean, looking at an asshole is fun, it's fun looking at an asshole, by the way. Can you imagine him at Joey Bueno's speech therapy class as a guest speaker to the kids? You know, 69ing ain't that cool. I'll be honest with you, whatever you've heard.

We're gonna find out, though. She's like 5 feet tall, so he doesn't even get to the ass or the pussy. There you go, Red Band, Thank you. Alright, back to, I mean, unbelievable.

So, tell us the expectations of the 69 and the results of 69.

What were you expecting it to be like? what was different? Take your time, answer, honestly.

I mean, just to be honest, the smell of an asshole directly in your nose.

She's sick, don't you dare say that?

I swear to God, that's what I just heard. Oh man, thank goodness she's sweet, but her asshole ain't. Yeah, okay.

What does she do? Did you already say that she works at a country club? Was this like, right after a shift or right after...?

What was this taco Tuesday or something like that? It wasn't like, I don't know, I guess you should do prep for things like that.

Okay, alright, okay, we get it. It's a fly red band, good job.

You completely redeemed yourself from the 5 foot tall 69 joke with the fly.

So.

No bidet I'm working for it, just some single ply toilet paper right now, just some fucking napkins from Whataburger or something like that, God damn.

I've been there.

That's a good question. Matt Muehling only speaks once every six months, and he just spoke right now. His question was, say it again?

There you go, Matt Muehling, guitar and ass eating specialist.

This guy loves munching on that sweet, sweet pumpernickel, you know what I'm saying, some of that little fucking....

He just shreds and fucking gives heads, you know what I'm saying? just fucking plays the 6th string and eats the ding-a-ling.

That's how it goes.

Just get a bunch of hand sanitizer, like a whole handful, and just put it on it right before you.

There you go, a little medical advice from a rap fan. Very good. That is so interesting. And that was your first time eating ass?

Or, I mean, being near an ass? Well, you didn't even eat the ass, did you? You just smelled it, I didn't eat it. Incredible.

Incredible, shocking. I'm disappointing a lot of people.

How many of you think he should?

Yeah.

Brett Very, very good set. I'd love to have you open the secret show for us. Do you have one of these already? There you go, Brett O'Brien, everybody.

All right, I pulled a name out, showed it to my producer earlier. He says that no one was in the back with this name. Which is very exciting because that means that it might be one of you that signed up. Is Seth Action here?

Seth Action.

Oh, wow, here he is, we got him. Look at this all the way to the back, he goes.

It's always good. You guys have your own representative here tonight. Seth action coming from the audience.

I think we should give it up one time. For the man who's managed to keep this ship afloat. The turbulent yellow seas of cancel culture, Mr. Tony Hinchcliffe.

Like Tony, I also grew up.

With my father most of my early childhood, even though he lived a few blocks away.

He finally came around when I was about six years old, and in and out. When I turned 12, my mom wanted child support.

He was like, Hell, no, just give the little bastard to me, I'm not paying you money. I went to live with him and when I turned 13, he asked a profound question. He said, You got any pussy yet, boy?

Which I knew what he was talking about. Because I knew my grandpa was peddling VHS porn and I had learned how to tug it with three fingers to friend dress her.

But I answered him, honestly, and I said, No, he said. Were you going to be a faggot all your life?

Seth Action, one of the coolest names that I've heard in a while. it's been with me for a while. Is that your real last name? Action? No, Rourke is my real last name. I've just met you, but I would read your autobiography.

That was five stories in one minute, that was incredible. That's just a little piece. It's some mash up of the first two thirds of Joe Dirt Forrest Gump.

Okie, dokie, seth, let's talk about it.

This is your first time doing stand-up comedy. It is how about a hand for Seth?

And you fucking did, by the way, three finger Jerkoff and friend Dresher Gump stories and your dad's fucking your family, you're my nanny, you're my nanny. Yeah, I don't know what you just said, but yeah.

Incredible. So, Seth, what do you do for work? Well, up until Friday? I did restaurant management most of my life. And then had been recently doing home inspections for a pest control company. For people needing clearance letters for houses, finding termites and shit like that. I live in the country, but I mostly would drive to the urban areas of Atlanta. Wow, I could listen to you talk forever.

That's that Hillbilly. Wow, you are about as funny as cancer, but I gotta tell you you have such swagger to you, it is unbelievable. I don't even know what the answer was, I don't even know what I asked you.

You're like a fucking hillbilly hypnotist or something like that. It's a soothing quality to your voice, for sure, appreciate it. What do I do for work? Well, I'll tell you.

Up until Friday, I was in the restaurant business, well, I was doing home inspections.

You can't go to the bathroom in here. I feel like it's something you might have said at some point in your life, No?

We'll leave the latter for you. Alright, Seth, let's talk about it. So what else in your life? have you ever tried anything like this before? No, I don't know.

Have you ever been on a stage before you seem so comfortable? Well, you better eight mile. The shit if you're gonna put your name in the bucket, what the fuck did you just say, dude?

But I was inspired. You better put your eight mile in the bucket and if you can, fly here.

And everybody understood what the fuck I was saying. Yeah, they did.

A natural entertainer discovered here tonight incredible Seth. What's the closest thing to like? A speech or a show, or anything that you've ever done before? You ever have to give, like a wedding speech? Oh, I'm ordained.

I've done, actually officiated weddings, I could see that, I could see how that would be composed. My brother took me into it, and I've done several since.

Wow, what's your level? Even a lesbian wedding?

I knew we were gonna get a statement like that sooner or later. We were like moments away from it. Even a couple of scissor gals. I even helped them fucking make it official, you know, but I didn't look, I just said it.

I closed my eyes, but I was there. I mean, fuck, dude, we were so close. Those vows were fun. Yeah, you are something else.

What's your love life like? Oh yeah.

I guess I could give the audience some advice on this one. Hell yeah, abso-fucking-lutely. Never have one too many, and I don't mean drinks or psychedelics, or dicks or whatever it is.

Eventually, one of you is not gonna meet the other's expectations.

So for most of y'all, one is probably too many. For me. It was three, you had three women at the same time. No kids. See, I don't, I get, so I get like, dizzy when you start talking.

Well, I gotta tell you, Tony, there's a lesson to be learned here, and that's that sometimes you only get one shot, you know what I mean?

When your mama makes the spaghettios l-i-v-e-i-n, alright.

Seth, What do you do for fun? What are you into? What are some hobbies of Seth? Well, I mean, fuck, choice would be, I don't know, take some acid and go to a fucking c.

Roger Waters, or Sturgill Simpson, or something like that? What great tastes do you have? Tony Hinchcliffe, Roger Waters, Sturgill Simpson, Theo Vaughn. These are all some of my favorite people on planet Earth. Incredible, you're a cool guy.

Yeah, you are, too. That's why I fucking watch the show. Wait.

What, that felt a little threatening?

What kind of car do you have? I feel like you have a wagon with horses or something, No, a minivan full of kids. I'm not amish. Oh my goodness.

Full of kids, and how old are your three kids? Uh, nine, five and two? Wow, and I'm 42..

All boys, No. A girl in the middle. Okay, girl in the middle. Do they know that you're trying stand-up tonight? Yeah, they knew I'd come to Austin.

I mean, you know, my relationship had gotten turbulent and things needed to change. You know, wait, your relationship with your kids, my wife, Oh, you're not with her anymore. Well, I mean, this all just happened.

Oh, recently, how recently? Well, I mean, fucking, I just got here yesterday.

Oh, fuck, what have I done?

Billy Ray Griffin were driving here from two different states at the same time, probably passed each other on the freeway. No, no, no, I was on the down, I got a fucking greyhound.

So she drops me off in Atlanta. Fucking. You talk about crazy, that place is crazy, that pussy's crazy is the name of your special. Don't look back.

Did you say that pussy's crazy? No, but the Greyhound station in Atlanta, right? Get out of the van, lady comes up in a fake security jacket.

You know, this is paid parking. I said, Well, you're gonna have to find another stupid white boy. I ain't paying your ass, I'm getting my shit. Then a dude's got a free bass pipe.

You need something, come see me.

She.

So her role is I love watching people that have never been on a stage before, like, learn timing. Like he wanted to talk so bad right then. But the drums and the horns are still going.

It was your face that really taught me so. But I don't blame her at all. She's got asses that give her money, right? Yeah, she's working her hustle.

I get it, absolutely do your thing, I just need the one. Did your kids say anything encouraging when you told them you were gonna come do stand-up?

No, my little boy just tried to make a Texas accent. I thought that was funny, fucking cute. Yeah, hell yeah, absolutely.

Okay, Seth, so what do you think's gonna happen? What's your plan on going back to your family?

I was in Georgia just yesterday. I'm very excited to find out what's next after this amazing performance. You're rock solid on stage, you know, you have so much charisma.

Smoothest fucking sound of the night. There really is a look in the fucking mirror and talk to God, man, you know?

And figure this shit out, Oh, you're on acid right now. No, no, I'm sober as hell.

Wow.

Because I don't bitch, you know what I mean? I mean, I go to work, fucking 60 hours, work, fucking two jobs. I don't fucking bitch.

You know what I mean? No, a hundred percent. What was the last thing she said to you before you walked out that door? She dropped me off at the fucking room. Seth, I'm leaving you right here.

She wrote a note, I wrote you a note. Don't you give that black bitch any of our money? Wait, Can I read that she did not write you a note?

I think I left it at home.

I flushed it down the toilet and then she grabbed me and fucking kissed me and I was like, What the hell, why didn't you fuck me last night? You go meet Hans Kim?

And you show him what?

So yeah, but in all honesty, my goal today was to fucking relax and come here. And I wasn't gonna be the bitch in the audience that didn't sign up. But tomorrow I'm gonna hit the ground running and see if there's something that I can create here.

Let's fucking go, dude, good for you man, awesome your odds. I don't know how many people in the audience signed up, but I know 173 are in the alleyway.

So that means your odds of getting pulled tonight were literally more than 100 in 173.

And meanwhile, you got pulled out tonight kind of makes sense, I think. Believing in God and doing a lot of ass, it's really helped you.

Thank you.

Congratulations on your first appearance, even though your set was blatantly a first-time set. I found your interview and everything to be so intriguing. Take a Big Kill Tony joke book with you.

Pulled another name out of the bucket already already have them loaded up in the back. Ladies and gentlemen, your next comedian goes by the name of Margo, everyone, Margo.

Hi everyone, I just celebrated three years of continuous sobriety.

You're welcome, I'm doing you all a favor by not drinking right now. I was never like my friends. We used to go out and they'd be like, Woo, let's get shots, and I'm like, let's get a bottle, right?

And they're like, Do you want a bump? I'm like, No, I want to fuck your dealer, it's different. I recently went on a date with this guy and it was basically like, if a dick pic was a person, he was totally trash. The whole time we're eating dinner, he's talking about how he hates Mexicans like he's a racist.

And I'm like, But you're Puerto Rican, the fuck? I thought that was basically the same thing.

We go back to his place. I'm going to get real with you guys, he stealthed me. And if you don't know what that is, it's when they take the condom off without your permission, right? I fucking caught him red-handed and I leave and I get in my car. And I think, you know, I got one more thing to say to this dude.

So I sent him a message like this. I was like, Hey dude, that's really fucked up what you did. And good luck with the herpes.

Joke's on you bro.

Boom, Margot.

Very fun.

Awesome welcome to the show, Margot. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy? Three months, three months?

Awesome, all of it here in Austin. Yep, wow. Is this where you're from? born and raised?

No, I'm from San Diego, but I've been here like 10 years. Okay, what made you move from San Diego 10 years ago? My parents, oh, everybody moved here. Yeah, my parents moved out here to retire, and I'm a single mom, and they were like, free daycare.

And I was like, Okay, and you talked about Mexicans and Puerto Ricans, what ethnicity are you? My mom's Creole and my dad's white? Wow.

Okay, and you came out basically Mexican, yeah.

Basically, incredible. My Spanish sucks, though. Okay, that makes sense. Margot, what do you do for work?

I'm in SAAS sales, I sell technology software as a service, all right software as a service.

SaAs I've never heard of that before, I shouldn't have used that word, but yeah, it's tech sales.

And you haven't had a drink in over three years, but by the color of your hair, I'm guessing you love Bud light, No.

No, do you consider yourself a hip person? I'd like to think so, I'm a hip mom. How old's your kid?

He's 10.

Whoa, 10 years old. how old were you when you had this kid? 25? Oh, okay.

Wow, you've taken good care of yourself, fantastic. I quit drugs, it was work. Oh, okay.

That happens, it's almost like, worth doing a lot of drugs and then getting sober. yeah, out of vanity, I got sober, for sure. Incredible. What was your bottom that you hit?

That made you realize that you have to be sober. Oh, okay, that's rough. Well, your kid was seven at the time, so I'm guessing that had something to do with it. Well, I was sober for seven years, I got sober when I got pregnant with him, and I had a five-month sabbatical.

Okay, what happened in that five months? I did all the drugs, there were so many drugs that came out. Let's go slow. What started it?

What was the spark? What was the first night where you're like, Okay, I'm just going to have a drink. It was like two years of depression, basically. But my plan was just to do it for the weekend. I got a sitter and a hotel. I'm like, I'm just going to get loaded for the weekend.

That sounds like a plan. Did your sitter know what you were going to do? No, no, no, yeah, you didn't say like, I'm going to target for a couple of days, right? yeah.

Mama's going to have a little weekend. My bottom was my kid calling me and saying, I'm worried about your mom. He sounded like a grown-ass man. Did he sound like? Because you were so fucked up? He sounded grown.

Did he sound like Seth action? was he like? I really hope that you find a way to find it in your heart, to come back home to me.

It's been a long time since I've.

You can drive anywhere opportunity like this, and I need a mother and you need a son, and we can really help each other out. We have one shot at this. My dad was getting pussy at his age, at 13..

Granted, it was my mom's sister, but it was still pussy. But you can fly anywhere if you've got a credit card.

I love it so Margo, here you are.

You're living in Austin, Texas, you're doing SASs for a living. What's your love life like? Oh, it's complicated. Tell us more.

I like to have fun, What does that mean? I'm on all the apps, I like to hang out and have fun. What's the last hookup you had?

How does that go down for a girl like you? I have one regular hookup that I see weekly. What's that guy like? is that a white boy, Black guy? he's Latino?

He's a short Latino guy, okay?

What's your favorite thing about him? What does he do that makes him your regular? There must be something. Well, his dick is my favorite thing about him. Good answer.

All right.

There it is, we just got his dick. Tonight's well-timed sound effect of the night is brought to you by Screwball, Screwball peanut butter whiskey, available in bars everywhere.

Margo, you live by yourself with the 10-year-old? Yeah, we live in Lakeway, that's nice.

Does your Mexican boyfriend swim to you? No.

He's 27.

He's Latino, he lives with his parents. Of course, he does so. I sneak in through the back at night.

Oh, you sneak into his parents house? Yeah, I do. It's kind of hot. Have they ever caught you? His uncle caught me one time because I left too late and they were coming up for work or whatever.

I was like, Hola, he's like, Hey, some pink-haired chupacabras in the backyard right now.

I saw you.

I didn't know you did accents, Tony.

You seem cool, what else are you into? What do you do for fun? I'm into meditation because I'm sober. I just recently took up Ghost hunting.

Whoa, Oh my goodness, did you find anything yet? Not yet? No, I'm taking my kid, though.

I thought it would be a good idea. That's a great way to scare the shit out of a 10-year-old. If we didn't find any ghosts, he's already scared, right? Exactly? Who would have guessed that a 10-year-old would be frightened of a ghost?

By the way, I had a single mom too, but she took me to a McDonald's or some shit like that. Now let's go find some spirits at 10 a..m. That's cool, son or daughter, boy?

Is he into it? Yeah, he's into it. We watch his ghost hunting show on YouTube together. Is the dad in the life at all? Have you thought about hunting for that ghost?

He's in California, we just saw him for spring break. He was in prison for like, 10 years. Oh, wow, damn.

For what?

Drugs? Oh okay, so he was in prison for 10 years.

We just saw him for the first time for spring break, he's Mexican as well. No, he's white.

How much drugs did he have on him? A kilo of weed? Oh, no.

A kilo of weed in California won't get you 10 years. no, a kilo of meth will though. Oh wow, look at you, damn.

That is incredible. Did he go to jail? When you were pregnant, my son was five weeks old, five weeks old. What an American hero you are.

Look at you, No, it's incredible. You fucking did it. You got your life together, you're out here having fun, taking chances.