#1957 - Shane Gillis
2023-03-17 02:56:47
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
Joe Rogan Podcast Check it out the Joe Rogan Experience Stream by day. Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
Did that work? Hey, hey, what's up Gene? What's going on, baby? Nothing, dude.
It's been fun, huh?
That was crazy. Yeah, last night was fucking awesome.
That was.
I got allergies, dude, do you hear my voice? is that what's going on?
Very scratchy, yeah.
Yeah, there's a lot of what is it cedar? is it cedar time?
As soon as I got down here, I got crushed.
There's ragwood and cedar, and.
Oh, ragweed, ragweed, ragweed and cedar and a bunch of shit going on in this town. I'm lucky I don't get it.
Really, yeah, I don't get allergies, I get fucking destroyed, dude.
My family gets it, though.
I had to wear during Covid, I got like a lake house, like right when it was starting, and it was March, April. So it was crazy. I had to wear fucking ski goggles when we were out on the boat, dude, I was getting shit-faced, wearing full ski, I looked fucking crazy.
Just because the pollen and shit was fucking your eyes.
Yeah, dude, my eyes were.
They were shut. I was like, Is this a side effect of Covid? Oh, no, so, you know, it was the very beginning, so I was like,....
And that was back when every symptom was Covid, so I googled it. I was like, Is pink eye Covid? They're like, you know, we sampled ten fucking Chinese guys, yes.
I was like, Fuck, I'm dying. Yeah. We were like, scared to go to the grocery store, really? Yeah, it was the very beginning.
So I was in Key West when it started, so I was like, fuck it, I'll just get Airbnbs and work my way back up to New York. Really. Yeah, it was awesome. So were you working in Key West? yeah.
Were you doing that little club? Yeah, I heard that club's great.
Perfect. Yeah, yeah, it's a little room and it's key west.
What are those people like down there? Those are like checked out, flip-flop wearing....
Drunk ladies like you say dick, they're like, yeah.
Try to do one smart joke. They're like, what, what'd you just say?
They're not here to think they don't understand the nuance, we're here to drink margaritas.
Look at the George Washington bit. I'm like, slavery. They're like, Yeah, oh no.
That would be hell, would be hell, would be stuck around people that you could never have a smart conversation with. That would be hell, yeah.
You know, there's some people like.
You know, like those people, you have a you start a conversation and you go, Oh, this is like level two forever.
Yeah.
We're at level two forever, we're never getting to level 10..
I hate when someone makes a point that you're like, Yeah, you know what I mean, like, when someone, Yeah, they're like, Here's what I've been thinking lately.
Oh, no.
And it's like, Dude, yeah, I thought of that in eighth grade.
What are you talking about?
Like, maybe God's not real? It's like, Yeah, I confronted that in sixth grade.
It's just the reality of people in their brains is just like the reality of people in their eyesight, and people in their hearing, and people in their height, and people in their nose length. It, like, fucking, varies wildly.
Speaking of nose length, did I show you my 23andme?
You did.
That fucked me up. Last night. We were at dinner and I was like, Dude, look at my 23andMe results. He was like, Yeah, you showed me yesterday, you're really proud of that.
It's fucking weird, and I was just like, Fuck, it is weird, it's just 100 Irish, yeah.
Fitzsimmons has that, too.
He's 100%.
100, he's all in.
I couldn't believe it, yeah.
If I look at you, it looks pretty.
No, it's obvious it's a potato face, it's a lot got rid of the mustache dude.
Hey No.
Now you can see, I don't have lips.
I'm interested why. What was the choice behind that?
I don't know it was gross really. my chin hairs were fucking disgusting really.
Yeah, like, long pubic. Was it getting scraggly? yeah.
Do you wish you had the mustache? Still, though? No, it feels like you're kind of halfway growing it back.
If I go just mustache, it's rough looking.
You're a cop.
Yeah, because I got the jowls.
You're a corrupt cop, yeah, with like, child porn on your computer. Whoa, yeah.
Like, if a guy.
Snake porn, that look, snake porn. He showed me a fucking guy yesterday that's having sex with a snake.
I'm like, what shout out, my friend Billy?
And then he, like, shows it to all of us while we're eating dinner.
And the waiter kept walking by.
Yeah, he did that on purpose.
Yeah, that was like, a bit 100%.
Because it's like, he, like, lingered, and then when the phone came back out, then he came back in. It wasn't, it was the bus boy.
Which is a pretty funny rumor for him to have about you.
What?
That my friend watches people fuck snakes. I waited on. Joe Rogan. Yeah, he's watching snake porn and eating snakes.
Yeah, he's going to blame me. Yeah, definitely, he's going to blame me for you.
Yeah, you're into snake porn.
He had this giant dude that's 100 Irish, he's just watching guys fuck snakes.
This guy with no lips, he just kept showing him fucking snake porn.
This guy looks like he should have a mustache, but he doesn't.
Yeah, it was as soon as I got done shaving, I was like, fuck.
That snake thing is wild.
Yeah, it was a tough one.
The guy was actually fucking, not like mouth-fucking a snake, but fucking the snake, vagina or whatever they have.
It was horrendous, I know I probably shouldn't even be talking about it.
I had no idea that that could even be done.
Guys out there testing limits, yeah.
It didn't seem like the snake was trying to get away.
Yeah, probably not.
It's a pretty big snake, I feel like the snake could have got him if it wanted to.
The snake was down there, too, its head was also, Yeah, whatever.
The snake was kind of getting into it.
Yeah, it's bad.
But we were talking about it, it was like, how illegal is that? like, it's not like child porn, illegal.
No.
But it's got its bestiality, which is I don't think.
It is illegal.
Is it illegal federally?
Is it illegal to show your friends?
I don't know, I mean, is it illegal everywhere? Like, what are the rules for? Like, fucking snakes?
I mean, fucking snakes.
I mean, who cares, who cares. Chop their heads off, no one gives a shit, like, if you find a snake outside, you can just chop its head off.
Yeah, no one gets mad.
But if you kill a raccoon, people get pissed at you.
Yeah, but if you fuck a.
Yeah, any. Well, in the 50s, it says. That's been illegal.
To fuck snakes, any, specifically, any animal, any animal.
Unnatural carnal copulation, Interesting, that's a good law, unnatural, that's a good law.
Carnal copulation.
That's a good law.
That's a funny way to dance around and just be like, Who are you fucking snakes?
Well, the law says it's illegal in four states.
It's illegal in four states.
No legal, Oh, what? states? well, it used to be legal in Washington State, Hawaii, Wyoming.
Hawaii.
New Mexico, West Virginia.
Hawaii, Wyoming, New Mexico and West Virginia West Virginia is still getting after it.
It used to be Washington State up until that documentary zoo.
Do you know about that documentary? No, there was a guy....
I'm new to the beastiality game.
There's a guy named.
They called him Mr. Hands.
Oh, yes, yeah, Mr. hands got fucked to death by a horse. Yeah, yeah.
So they made a documentary about it called Zoo, and that documentary is pretty interesting and it got very popular. This was like, I want to say, this is around the early 2000s, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, wow. If you haven't seen it, you could just go Google Mr. Hands Horse.
You'll find it somewhere, good Lord.
You'll find it somewhere.
It's a tough one to watch, dude.
It's tough.
When it gets in there.
You're like, how, you're like, how, like, where is it going?
Also, Where did you think?
What did you think was going to happen?
Well, he'd been fucked multiple times by that horse.
That was.
Oh, him and the horse.
That, apparently, the video was not the one that killed him, it was another one that killed him. That video was a successful...
That was a success. Yeah, they got down there.
Yeah, they got a gun. The horse just jizzes immediately, too.
Like?
Good God.
Alright.
The best part is the guy.
We gotta stop the guy who guides the horse dick into his butt. yeah, the guy goes too much.
Yeah, when the guy makes the noise, like, it's like, too much, what the fuck do you think? Is he a magician?
Like, how is he making that dick disappear in his body? There's not enough room in his body. Oh yeah. It perforated his colon and just ruptured his innards and bled out from the inside. And then once they brought him to the hospital, the cops were like, What the fuck happened?
What the fuck's going on?
Like, oh, you know, stuff like playing around, I don't know.
Yeah, it's a tough one.
It's a tough one.
It's a tough way to go.
Yeah, but also like there was hundreds of hours of footage.
It's pretty sad, yeah, thinking of, like his mother, you know, when she gave birth, holding that, yes, just being like, someday this guy's gonna....
He's gonna die from getting fucked by a horse.
I bet she didn't think that.
No one, no one saw this coming.
I bet she was thinking, someday he's gonna be the president.
Yeah, this guy's gonna be the president. Instead, he's getting buttfucked by a horse, buttfucked by a horse.
I think he was a software engineer or something engineer worked for Boeing.
Yeah, he worked for Boeing, yeah.
So he was a very smart guy who just had a strange kink.
Hmm, kinks are fucking weird.
Yeah, I don't have any.
I'm so lucky.
Yeah.
Can you imagine if you, just, like, wanted to wear women's shoes and get fucked in the butt?
Like, that's just your thing, but you're straight.
I'm straight, but I just got this thing, you know?
Yeah, thank God, I don't have it, you know? Thank God, I probably do. I just don't. I'm not even trying.
Well, they say a lot of them, they're imprinted on your early adolescence.
Yeah.
Like, as your body is becoming sexual.
Nothing weird happened to me, luckily, thank God.
I dodged two molestation attempts.
Really, yeah. Two. What'd you dodge?
Well, I dodged one of them. When I was, I probably was like seven or eight years old. That was the scar. Well, they were both pretty scary, but that was the scarier one because I was at the library and I was by myself.
You know, I was a latch kid, my parents just let me out of the house, which, you know, at the time was kind of normal. In retrospect, like, thinking about it now, I couldn't imagine letting my seven-year-old just fucking wander around.
Not just that, but walk to the public library, you know, in San Francisco. And this guy I was looking at, you know, I was always into, like, horror movies and monster movies and shit, and so I was reading these books. In this, they had a section of, like, you know, monster books, yeah.
And this guy came up to me and he goes, Do you like monster books? I go, Yeah, and he goes, Oh, I have some monster books in my car. You want to see them?
No, okay, like, I didn't know any better. I was just fucking eight years old or whatever it was. And as I'm leaving with this guy, the librarian starts screaming Joseph, you get away from that man.
You know, like that man just got out of jail and she, she yells at him to get out of there and the guy runs away. And I just started crying and I was like, Whoa, so I dodged that bullet. And then another time when I was 13, when I was 13, we were hanging around this lake in Jamaica Plain.
Uh, it was, um, this like, uh, Jamaica pond was this place we would go and fish, and uh, there was another pond that was like this neighboring pond that was like, slightly smaller. And this guy was always like running around the lake, he was jogging, and me and my friend Josh would be hanging out.
This guy would come over and talk to us, you know? He seemed like a super normal guy. He used to be a teacher and he had retired and, you know, look, he probably was like, in his sixties then one day, it's just me.
He went for it one day. It's just me.
And uh, I'm, I'm fishing and he comes by and he's drunk, damn, and uh, he tells me he loves me, and I'm like, I'm like, super confused.
How old were you?
13.
Okay, and I had been talking to this guy on and off, I had seen him, you know, for months.
Yeah.
Like, you'd come by, say hi. It was always like, casual, very good humored, very friendly, but he was like setting us up and, uh, he comes by. And then I realized after he tells me he loves me, but there can be no love without sex, that's what he says.
And I'm like, what? I had a knife, so I remember like, I grabbed, I grabbed my knife in my pocket and I had my hand on my knife. And I was like, Oh my god, I'm going to have to stab this guy.
Damn, yeah.
I was like, this is going to, because there was no one around, there was no one around.
Wow.
It was just trees and forests.
You were 13.
You were like, I'm going to have to stab.
Oh, I was going to cut this guy.
I would've, I would've trusted the guy, I would've been like, Yeah, you're right.
You're smarter than me.
I'll see you later, I don't know what.
It was dangerous.
We had a guy go for us, yeah, it was a guy that used to linger. Hilarious he was. He was mentally challenged, but he would always hang out around my high school and he would go to all the like basketball games.
One day, the We had, like, a tape recorder for the national anthem to play at the beginning of games, they would just hold a mic next to a tape recorder. It broke. The mentally handicapped guy stood up and started singing, and the whole fucking gym was like.
Everybody just listened to the guy sing the national anthem.
Oh my God, did he get all the words right?
I don't remember, I doubt it, I doubt it. I think he was freestyling a little.
But no, he would try to get you, he would go to games, but he was like, again, it was. It wasn't that long ago, it was long enough. That, like, people were like, Yeah, he's weird, that old thing. We're like, Yeah, there's a town pedophile, but he's a weird guy.
Yeah, so he would like be like, you guys want to play football? And we were little kids at the high school football game playing like touch football. And he was like, You guys want to come out to my car? I have nerf balls.
And we were all like, No dude, stop trying to fuck us. We knew what he was doing, he was like, All right, see you guys.
Did he get away with it with anybody?
Probably.
If you get, the mentally handicapped guy tricks you into getting into his car.
I got nerf balls out of my car.
That's how he gets you.
And we were just fully like, dude.
Nobody would ever like take your advice again.
They're like, Bro, you got raped by that fucking idiot, that fucking guy got you, you got raped by an idiot dude.
Yeah, but just even in like, fifth, sixth grade, we were like, No dude, stop trying to rape us.
Every neighborhood has a guy.
Yeah, I didn't even realize the other guy, we had two guys, the other guy. He had a tricycle with his name on a license plate, like a fake license plate on the front of his tricycle, it was a sick tricycle.
But he would come around and he would speak gibberish. But every once in a while get kind of sexual. Like he would come over and just be like, Do you like pancakes? We're like, Yeah, dude, we love pancakes, and he's like, Do you ever put syrup on your pancakes?
Like, yeah, he's like, you ever put syrup down your pants? you ever rub syrup all over your pants. Stop, stop.
Then he'd just keep tricycling, dude.
Jesus Christ.
I don't know if they ever actually got anyone.
Sometimes it just doesn't work and they just keep swinging.
They just keep swinging forever. Fuck it, dude, they're fucking. It. Was always on to catch Predator.
They would always catch like a mentally handicapped guy, it was always a part of me like.
Yeah, come on.
Obviously, you got to get them.
Everyone was off on that show. Do you think you could do that show? Today? It's back on, he's doing it again.
Really, Chris Hansen does it again.
We might have talked about this before, but I love when they get fucking Indian dudes.
Why Indian dudes?
Because they're just like, Yeah, they're from India, you know what I mean?
Oh, and in India, you're allowed to do that.
Are you aware there's a 13-year-old girl who's like, Yeah, get the fuck out of here, I'm trying to fuck this kid really.
Yeah, they get foreigners all the time that are just like, I didn't know.
That you guys have laws.
Yeah.
Really, I feel like that's pretty. What are the laws in India?
I don't want to besmirch India, but.
Too late?
Probably I think if you're from rural India, you can fuck whoever's out there, really.
Well, I mean, you think in the United States, there's parts of the United States where the age of consent was very low up until recently.
Yeah.
Like, isn't it still like 16 in some states?
I'm sure, I'm sure, like, especially states that are very religious.
How the fuck is that not like a federal thing?
Yeah, you know, yeah. The religious states, I think, where it's like, you get married when you're 13..
I don't know.
Mormons Yeah, what's Utah doing?
There was one where if you for sexual, if someone had sex, the age of consent for boy, excuse me, boy and girl was different than boy, boy. And the reason for that is that's where the Catholic Church had moved a bunch of its priests. Yeah, I mean, I read that story like this. I want to say it's New Mexico.
I want to say it was New Mexico. I think they fixed that, I might have just spread a bunch of misinformation.
Fuck it if that's true.
I was reading the India thing first.
What's going on?
Let's go with India first and then we'll go with the.
Yeah, we're covering all the bases already.
I don't know the answer to this, I'm just giving you what I found. Why is consensual teen sex a crime in India? Oh, for teens to have sex with each other, though.
Okay, well, they changed the law a decade ago to make it tougher on cases of child sexual abuse. Oh okay, so it criminalizes all sexual activity by children under 18..
Interesting Many adolescent boys in consenting relationships are finding themselves on the wrong side of the law. Interesting.
That's a bummer.
Interesting.
That's why those guys are so fucking horny, you ever see them online?
Are they?
Yeah, they'll fire you up. Indian guys show bobs, show vagina, need bobs.
Show bobs, I love you, show my bobs. Yeah, bobs. What?
They misspell boobs, they say, Show bobs, Queen, marry me. show bobs, really.
Yeah, every hot chick's picture is followed by a thousand Indian dudes.
There's a billion people in India, but they don't have the same problem that China has. China has that weird problem where there's way more guys than there are girls, that's crazy. They fucked up the fact that they didn't see the math on that, that one child policy.
I think they'd be pretty good at that. The math.
I would think, isn't that like a thing? I don't know?
I don't know anything about that.
It's like, how the fuck did they not see where that was going to be a disaster in the future? There's a whole generation of guys that have no girls, it's like, What are you going to do? there's no girls?
They're going to get aggressive.
What the fuck are they going to do?
Damn, yeah, not good. Whack off the cartoons.
Because even in this country, where it's 50-50.
Yeah.
Basically, do you know that, like 64 of men are single and only 34 of women are single? How?
How's that? How does that even work? Wait.
64 of men are single.
Yeah, see if we can find the numbers, but I think it's men of a certain age.
Oh, you know what it is, though. It's just men fucking chicks that are like, we're not dating, and women are like, No, we're in a relationship, you know how it is.
I think it's a little of that.
Fucking girl and she's like, What are we? Yeah, right, what have you been telling people we are? What the fuck are you talking about?
We're nothing.
Can't I just use you, please?
Can't we just use each other?
Yeah.
Like the Bill Withers song.
Unfortunately, I'm not a guy that, yeah, they want to date me. I'm not a guy that like, Oh, I just want to fuck that guy. You don't get used, I'm not like a hot guy.
You wish you were used.
I don't know, do you?
Occasionally, back in the day, that was the best thing.
Getting used? Yeah, yeah.
If you had a gal that was just just wanted to fuck.
It's pretty neat.
Oh my God. Especially if you weren't into anything else. Because sometimes, like, the reality is, sometimes you're attracted to someone that you're not compatible with.
Yeah, but they're hot.
So you just you're attracted to them sexually.
Yeah.
But the problem is usually that one person is into the other person more than you know. There's like psychological elements to it, yeah, that become a problem.
Certainly yeah.
And if the guy is the one using the girl, he's a piece of shit, but if the girl's the one using the guy, she's a boss. Yeah, great way to go.
Yeah, she's a boss. We did flip that.
Adults between 18 and 29 who say they're single, Yeah, this is it. So there's 51 of men in 2019, what 51 of men in 2019.?
And by the time it got to 2022, it's 63, so the pandemic kicked it up. 12. But the women stayed the same, and just slightly more more who say they're single, so 34 versus 32 for women.
But the men went up 12 fucking percent. But I think what they're saying is these women during the pandemic started dating older guys.
So when the jobs went away and everything went south, they shacked up with some dudes with money.
All right, probably that's fair.
I mean, wouldn't that make sense? Like, look at 18 to 29 for men, 63 are single, that's pretty wild, but age 65 plus.
18 to 29.
Yeah, and you look at 65 plus 25 are single, 50 to 64 28 are single, 30 to 49 25 are single, so that's what it is.
It's the 18 to 29 guys.
20 at 65, plus, there's more women, because all the men are dead.
Whoa?
Yeah, 40 are single because dudes are croaking.
Yeah, look, as soon as it hits 50, the women start to move forward.
Yeah.
Because dudes start dropping dead of heart attacks, working 90 hours a week and just coming home and just hating their life.
It's got to feel good, though. What to die when you're like, Oh, here it is, Oh fuck, this hurts.
It hurts way more than I thought. That's a wrap, yeah, call it a day.
I don't know, man.
It's the whole fucking finding the compatible person thing. Jesus Christ, I can't imagine it.
No, especially now, especially today. Social media. That hurts, dude, you can look it up.
Start talking to a girl, you scroll back, you're like, God damn, she's got a lot of boyfriends.
See the digital footprint. Girls have options.
They have so many options.
Yeah.
A hot girl who's online, like if you are going back and forth with a hot girl. If you're a young guy now, you're a 30-year-old guy now, and there's another girl and she's 30 also.
Yeah, and you go to her Instagram, Wow, she's really pretty. 284,000 followers.
I'm out, it's over.
Oh, Jesus Christ, and then you look in the likes and the comments.
It's all fire and hearts. Drake liked it, yeah.
Jesus Christ, it's all rappers in there and athletes, black people fucking rock stars.
Everybody's just slinging dick.
Everybody's just slinging dick, yeah.
Yeah, it's a tough time.
It is a tough time.
It'll be all right, you don't think they're going to be all right.
No, it's going to lead people to have sex with robots, that's coming.
It's going to be tight.
Yeah, I think you're going to go over a dude's house and he's going to have a robot lead.
You're going to leave it out, you're going to go, Oh.
My buddy left his flashlight in the shower when we lived together.
Nice.
That was tough and I was like, Dude, clean that up and he came out with it dripping on the floor. No, he didn't after he was like, what?
This? I was like, Dude, God damn it, after he washed it or after he jizzed it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was water dripping, but still.
You know, that was our first sponsor.
Jizz water flashlights Yeah, you ever use one?
Oh yeah.
That was our sponsor. It's too powerful, dude, it's pretty good, it's too powerful. I could throw mine out.
You don't want that in your life.
In a dumpster.
You don't want that in your life.
I couldn't put it in our trash, it's too good, I know I'd fish it out.
If you can't get laid, though, it's as close to the physical feeling of a warm vagina touching.
Your dick, I think it's better.
Some guys would soak them in hot water.
Yeah, they'd warm them up, warm them up, fire it up, dude.
Get it to 95 degrees feels like human contact.
Yeah, especially when I had mine, I was in a rough spot. Were you in my life? yeah.
I was in West Philly, I was in a. The room I had in my apartment was like it jutted out of the back of the apartment, so it was freezing cold. Oh, no.
It was the coldest room, I had a mattress on the floor. Oh no, it was like a homeless person. Well, I guess that's not....
You know what I mean?
Right?
Like a crackhead.
It's pretty close to a homeless person.
And I was fucking a fleshlight in there. Wow, it was a low point.
Yeah, but look at you now. 10 million views on YouTube, yeah.
That's the only difference. Successful podcast, just four YouTube views, killing it on the road.
Come on, man, that's the still got to get a fleshlight, though. That's the beauty of it. You want to get one for the road.
I mean.
For the road would be nice, yeah.
Get one of those ones that looks like a beer, can, you know, because they make them like beer.
Making them fun, yeah.
They make them like beer.
Oh, you mean, like to disguise it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We had a bunch of them because they were our first sponsor.
Yeah.
Like, that's how we started Onnit, do you know that? No, yeah.
Onnit.
You got that fleshlight money.
Onnit.
No, Onnit was started with Aubrey, who was the CEO of the Fleshlight, and me, like, I don't even think maybe it wasn't the CEO of the Fleshlight.
Maybe it was like, marketing director or something, so it's like his family owned the company, the Fleshlight Company.
The fleshlight, yeah.
So he reached out and said, Do you guys want to have a sponsor on your podcast? We didn't have any sponsors, the podcast. In the beginning. The idea that this is a big business is so hilarious because in the beginning it was just so ridiculous, like how it was run. We just fucked around.
We just would go online and fuck around. But as it started to grow, he was the first guy that said, Hey, you guys should have a sponsor. So he had a meeting with us and he told us about the fleshlight. I'm like, That's hilarious, Hell yeah.
I was like.
Did you get a free sample? Oh, we got boxes of them, and we handed out the boxes, you still got those boxes?
So those are the ones that look like.
Yeah, it looks like beer. yeah, it looks like a craft beer or something.
A Doyle's is a blood hole.
Well, I think you can get whatever you want and neither can.
That's wild, dude.
So that was our first sponsor. And then Aubrey and I started talking about doing other stuff. And he said, like, if you were into supplements, what are you into? And I told him that I got really into nootropics because of this product called Neuro One. That Bill Romanowski came up with the football player.
Yeah, I know Bill Romanowski.
Yeah, his issues were with memory, after all those fucking concussions.
Spitting in dude's face, this is an animal.
He's an animal man.
He was wild.
Those guys are animals. I had Derek Wolf on.
I saw that.
Did you see what he's talking about, like when he walked into the arena, what he wanted to do to everyone that he saw?
No, he's like, I want....
Yeah.
I want to just smash you and kill you. He's walking through the crowd, thinking that he just really wants to just run into the crowd and start smashing people.
Dude, he's a monster. I love what you're saying.
I mean, he didn't do anything. He's a nice guy, but those Viking instincts run deep, son.
There's a dude who plays for the bills. I was hanging out with a bunch of those guys. I did a show in Buffalo and then we went out. And his name's Spencer Brown, he's a right tackle.
I was on mushrooms, I went, Did I tell you this? No, dude. This was like the greatest night of my life, all right?
Hold on, this is the best night I've ever had. So I did a show in Buffalo then the next night, it was Sunday. On Sunday, we went to the game.
Oh, I told you this, Gabe Davis gave me his jersey. I looked like a down syndrome guy. Yes, yes.
But that night, we went out to fucking Dave and Buster's. I took a ton of mushrooms, too, way more than I thought I took. I was fucked up. But then it's like all the cool Black dudes on the team were like, hanging out, being cool.
And then it was just me and a white O-lineman. Spencer Brown is like, 6'9, and I was just so high. I was like, Dude, this is a Viking, this is an actual Viking.
Yeah, thank God, we live today, thank God, where I'm watching him play fucking video games and arcade games.
You've got to give people like that some kind of distraction.
If that guy got into a town, it would just be over.
That's what it was, man.
It's over.
If you look at those guys in Iceland, you know all those strongman dudes that come from Iceland. Where do you think that comes from?
Freaks dude.
Those are the freaks that were dominating the world back when people just had axes.
A boat of those guys.
Dude, until people figured out guns.
Thank God.
Thank God, they figured out guns.
Just a boat of those dudes.
Can you imagine how rough the world would be? Yo? Spencer Brown, 6'8, 3'11".
What the fuck I was watching him play like fucking video games.
It's ridiculous.
All mushrooms watching a 6'8 dude play, yeah.
That gene line of those strongmen, of those guys like Derrick Wolfe, like Thor, the Game of Thrones, Guy, The Mountain from Game of Thrones. That's a gene line of the people who conquered the world with axes. That's what that is. It's so nuts that that wasn't that long ago.
Yeah.
That's what's really crazy, right? At any point in time in the world, in any one moment, things can break out. That are real. Similar to the way life was during the Viking days. It just doesn't happen very often, it breaks off less and less over time, but it's still there in us. And if it wasn't for football and UFC and pro boxing and all those sports, it's like a bridge to civility.
It's like a bridge to a peaceful civilization.
Yeah.
Especially martial arts, like a bridge to a peaceful civilization. Because you allow these people that have this fucking thing inside them to express themselves in a legal way, and they're rewarded for it hugely.
Yeah, and you get to scream, you're like, Yeah, fuck yeah, I'm gonna kill him.
Yeah, I mean, you think of some of the shit that, like Hamzat Shamayev says after his fights, I fucking kill them all.
I kill them all, I don't walk far.
I kill them all, like, bro, when you're interviewing him, it's a wild ride.
Yeah, we were talking about that last night at dinner. I was like, Dude, what's your favorite interviews?
Yeah, I think Derek Lewis is always gonna be my favorite. Just because it was so fucking hilarious. Dude just took his shorts off, he's the coolest man.
He's the coolest, the other one, though not the balls are hot. The fucking him beating the Russian up and being like, I talked to Donald Trump last night, Oh yeah, so I gotta take care of this fucking Russian for you.
Back in the day, Chael Sonnen was the best guy to interview, Chael Sonnen would put on a show.
I get Chael Sonnen clips constantly.
He's a smart dude, man, and back in the day when he was the first guy to really figure out pro wrestling style promotion with, like, legit fight skills. I mean, he almost beat Anderson Silva, he almost won that fight. If he didn't get caught in that triangle in the last round, he would have won that fight.
And it was a grueling, fucking fight. And he just kept taking Anderson down and he beat the shit out of Nate Marquardt. When Nate Marquardt was in his prime. Like, he was a real fighter, he just was not.
Jon Jones There's like levels even to savages, which is so crazy. Chael was like a little smaller, too. He really shouldn't have been fighting the guys that were in that Jon Jones range. 205..
I mean, Jon's cutting to get to 205.
Chael's fighting at 185 like sketchy, like at Anderson and him, they fought at 185. Jon is big dude.
He's big.
He's big and long and strong as fuck. That's too big. Remember when Jon and him fought?
It was a mauling.
It was a horrific mauling.
He fought Chael Simon.
Yeah, Jon beat him up so bad that he broke his own toe, pushing off the ground, smashing him.
I'm pretty sure that's how he broke his toe, he broke his toe, for sure, in that fight.
There was that crossover in the UFC where dudes started being athletes, not saying Chael Simon wasn't an athlete, but you know what I mean, there was that switchover phase.
There definitely is a switchover phase, but I think with Chael, I really would attribute it more to he's been around. During the Greatest of the Greats. At 85, like Anderson Silva, in his prime, was one of the greatest of the greats, Anderson Silva. He gets left out of the Goat competition because after the Chris Weidman fight, where he broke his leg, he had a bunch of fights where he didn't perform. Like the Anderson of Old. So I think people forgot how good he was when he was in his prime.
Who is in the Goat conversation? Obviously Jon Jones, now.
Jon Jones is number one now.
Is it Khabib?
Yeah, he's in there undefeated, barely lost a round in his entire career. He had one controversial fight with Gleason Tebow back in the day. But I think it was a fair decision. But he dominated everybody at the top, dominated everybody.
And he did it with fucking, just a ruthless intensity, fantastic wrestling.
Ousmane was, they couldn't stop him, Ousmane was.
Up until the Leon Edwards fight, I was telling everybody the same thing.
Up until one kick.
I think Ousmane's the greatest welterweight of all time if you look at what he's done and who he did it to. The way he knocked out. Jorge Masvidal. He started out as a wrestler, he started out as a wrestler, and then all of a sudden he's flatlining people on the feet and you're flatlining a skilled striker in Masvidal.
Masvidal's a slick guy on the feet.
That was a tough one, too. He was all sweaty, that fucking mist off, that punch when he hit him.
Yeah, when you think about the way Masvidal knocked out Ben Askren, Masvidal knocked out Darren till Masvidal's a scary guy.
I wish that didn't happen with Askren. I wish Ben got a chance to wrestle.
That was a rough one.
That was a rough one.
But that's how smart he is. He knew Ben was going to shoot, his instincts were going to be there. You ever see the video of him training that very move?
Yes.
That's a bummer.
That's a bummer when you look online and be like, Fuck, he knew he was going to do that.
Bro, his knockout of Darren Till was brutal, fucking brutal. he's knocked out a lot of really good guys, man.
So when Usman destroyed him, I'm like, Wow. He might have felt the highest level of competition. Because he beats Tyron Woodley, who was one of the best welterweights ever. He destroys Tyron, right, runs right through him.
He's dominant, fashion wins a five-round decision. There's no question at all, he's the new champion. Then he beats Colby Covington, who is about as good as it gets in that division other than Usman.
Colby's a fucking animal. Unbelievable cardio, tough as fuck. And even though Kamaru broke his jaw, he was still there in the last round. He was upset when they stopped it.
Did he break his jaw?
I think he did.
I want to be sure of that. He definitely fucked his mouth up, he dropped him and he hit everyone some really good shots. But Colby was saying, even at the end, Hey, I could have made it through that. Colby's fucking cool man.
That's how tough that dude is. He's undeniably tough. So Kamaru beats him and he beats him twice, and he hurt him pretty fucking bad in the second fight. And Colby got through.
So you've got to like how good Colby is. And if Kamaru's beating him like that, and then Kamaru was beating Leon Edwards for the most part, yeah, there it is. He dropped him, you've got to remember he stopped. Gilbert Burns.
You know, Gilbert Burns is a fucking animal, you saw the Gilbert Burns-Hamza Chamiahs fight, so Kamaru stopped him. I feel like you look at the caliber of the opponents that he's faced as a champion and how he's beaten them. I kind of put him up into the Leon Edwards fight.
I kind of put him up there with everybody.
God that Leon kick.
He might have been the best welterweight ever, but that Leon kick man, that changed the world. And then this weekend they're fighting again, which is so crazy, dude.
Yeah.
That fight's so intense.
Where are they fighting in England? Oh, Leon.
Dude, that's going to be awesome, man. Yeah, he can sleep in his own bed and defend the world title in England.
I, well, I don't want to make any predictions, I'm 0 for 1..
What do you think?
I said, Cyril, you're going to beat Jon Jones? I was like, I think Cyril's going to win this thing, dude, ten seconds in, I was like, whoops.
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