What To Do When Family Behaves Badly

The phone number is 888-825-5225.

Thank you for joining us. Kelly in Denver starts this hour. Hi Kelly, welcome to the Ramsey show.

About 20 months ago, sorry if I'm talking fast, we had to go no contact with his very abusive family after I was assaulted. Whoa?

Yes, who assaulted you? his mother and his brother physically assaulted you? Yes, they assaulted us when we decided we were no longer going to take their abuse.

My husband and I moved to Colorado from California 10 years ago to help take care of his mother, and father moved right next door. They gifted us a property of land in exchange for doing that. And two weeks after getting here, we realized we'd made a horrible mistake, but we were kind of stuck anyway. Back in 1993, they set up an irrevocable trust with the three siblings. And it came to my home or to our home, which it wasn't supposed to, and I saw the specs on it and everything. Being $300,000 for each child when the passing of their parents, but if they lived to be 100, they wouldn't get it. So when all of this horrible stuff happened, my husband even attempted suicide after. I'm sorry after this happened 20 months ago because we had come here to help take care of them and were treated really badly.

Anyway, we are worried that the irrevocable trust is no longer available because we know that. He was cut out of the will for not allowing his family to treat him and I badly anymore.

In helping my husband and I get through most of what we've gone through.

For me, it falls under the heading of life's too short.

Screw it, you're 66, go on with your life.

And if we move back to California, where the grandkids are, there's just no way. We don't have the we wouldn't be debt-free, and we want to live debt-free, so we do go see them, so that's not a problem.

It's depending on who's where in the thing, what's how it's in charge, who's in charge, that kind of stuff. But really, it's, yeah, I don't know. I don't know who put it together, I don't know how it's written, and without reading it, I wouldn't have a clue. So you could go get legal advice if you want to. But every step you take towards quote defending yourself, unquote puts them all back in your head. Rent-free again, and I really wouldn't let them back in your head.

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Dr. John Deloney Ramsey Personality is my co-host. Thanks for joining us at 888-825-5225. Daniel is with us, Daniel's in New York City.

Hi Daniel, how are you?

So my question is, is this financially something that would be smart to do, or am I better off basically continuing grinding in my career and working my way up to make more money? What's your master's going to be in? It would be an MBA with a focus in construction management or project management.

You're like, a grown man and stuff. Yeah, no, that's not smart at all. Now. If you want to go to Europe and live in Europe and work and get your MBA in Europe and make $100,000 there, sure, if that's part of your life plan.

But I just want to take a year-long vacation and blame it on education, No.

It doesn't mean it's wrong, but you've got to just take.

Like, Dave, you've got to take ownership of. I want to quit everything and I want to go have a life over there. You're trying to do everything all at the same time and make it work, and it's just not going to work like that. You either got to take the jump and go get in the ring and just start swinging or make peace with your life in New York.

Yes, I just know the salary won't be.

And like, that's some of the best MBA programs out there anyway, or adult-based MBA programs and study if you want to study in Europe and work in Europe. And then if you're there a year and a half, two years and you don't like it, quit, move back to the states, apply your MBA then.

That's not dumb, but there's an element of escapism and childishness to the way you're laying this out that I'm not going to endorse for you. I don't think it's good for you. I think you're trying to find something that's not there.

Uncle Rico had a selective memory about his high school quarterback days.

I would tell my own son to go work. I think he'll find a better choice of life and get a better sampling of what it will actually be like. You're not sampling what it would be like when you're going over there as a college student.

And so, and you don't have to live in New York City to do it, you can live in almost any city, major city in America and do that so. And an MBA in construction management, by the way, Daniel is an excellent field of study. Congratulations, I like that.

I like your idea to go get an MBA, there's nothing wrong with that. It's some of the most I think. John, you can, probably as well. You've got a P.h.D. in higher education. You can comment on this better than I can. But my practical experience tells me that an MBA of all the graduate degrees, probably has the best Roi.

It becomes an incredible networking opportunity, which suggests, to me, if you also in the loneliest generation, we've created for ourselves. If you have a group of business men and women that you meet with regularly just to see how the world is going and what are you experiencing, how are things going? You might see some of those same benefits outside of an MBA program. But if my son came to me and said, Dad, I'm getting an MBA, I would cheer him all the way. And we'd figure out how to make that work, but it's a great degree.

And the deductible Despite having good home insurance, the deductible for my plan in the event of a named hurricane hits is $10,000.

So the thought I had was, Do I go into Stork mode until I have that $10,000 saved up?

Storks don't bring hurricanes.

No, if I lived there, I wouldn't. What's your household income?

Turn the weather channel off. This is the Ramsey Show.

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They just flashed the picture up on our YouTube screen of the cruise we're doing next spring. And the people that are going on this cruise that are friends of ours are so much fun. Monique Chauhan I had dinner with her the other night, we had a friend that had a special dinner and I was invited and she ended up sitting next to me. And she's on the Famous Chef, Celebrity Chef, on Iron Chefs and all, and she's got a bunch of restaurants here in Nashville.

She's going to be on the Ramsey cruise with us next year. That's going to be a blast. She's a hoot to hang out with. She is Stephen Curtis Chapman, world-renowned Christian artist, 60-something Dove Awards, several Grammy Awards, Incredible Entertainer, Incredible talent, Incredible Man. Is a good friend of ours, Sharon's and mine, and he's going to be on the cruise with us.

And you know a few other folks that do comedy, a few folks that do illusions and magic. And man, it's pretty stinking incredible. And all the Ramsey personalities are going to be with us, Dina Carter is going to be with us. She's a famous, of course, country music artist. Strawberry Wine, you may remember that song, and so she'll be there. She's an incredible talent, too.

It's going to be a week-long cruise on a world-class, top-of-the-line Holland America cruise ship. We've got the entire ship. For Ramsey people, it's the live-like-no-one-else cruise. Do not come on this cruise. If you are in Baby Step 2 trying to get out of debt, you should not be going on vacation if you're on Baby Step 2 trying to get out of debt. If you don't have your emergency fund in place.

But if you're at baby step 4 and beyond, you're investing now. You're starting to do some things with your money. You're starting to do vacations, you're starting to eat out again, and you want to have a milestone event. This is a place you can celebrate, we will spend the week celebrating you. We're going to do events on the ship, all the Ramsey personalities will be doing talks, I'll be on the ship for the entire week.

All the Ramsey personalities will. My wife Sharon's going to be with us. We're going to stop at Turks and Caicos, St. Thomas, Puerto Rico, the Bahamas. It's March 22nd through the 29th.

There are not that many suites left, not that many rooms left, but you can still get a suite, still get a room. If you get online right now, you can put up as little as a $600 deposit and hold the spot again. It's March of next year and we'd love to have you. The thing will be sold out within probably a month or so, something like that, the current rate.

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Com Slash cruise the live like no one else cruise, John. That's going to be fun hanging out with our folk.

And so I guess my question is about he's wanting to chunk that cash at the house and pay down the house as quickly as possible. We're also, I feel like a bit behind on retirement savings, so my question is kind of about that. And for him, he's never been in debt before, ever in his life, and so he's a little nervous about marrying into some debt. Meaning my home.

So I think that's why he is really focused on that.

So, will your emergency fund be big enough to suffice for the family emergency fund once you're married?

That's plenty. You're only 31 and you're going to get the house paid off very quickly. And then you're going to kick up. And as soon as the house is paid off, you can put more than 15 in.

But you're not behind, you're fine.

What are your thoughts?

You're not going out to eat, that's intense. No lifestyle, lifestyle is scorched earth, no life.

You're getting out of debt, right? You're not there. You're at baby steps four, five and six, and you're intentional, which means you're going to want to do some other things.

You may need to upgrade a car, you may actually want to go on a vacation, you may want to spend some of your money on fun, and you should.

Okay, so if you put a hundred on it, that's 88 44 out of 150 would be done in two years.

And that means you guys will be living on over a hundred thousand a year. That would give you plenty of room for other stuff, right?

That's a good sign, it's a good sign for your relationship, it's a good sign for your probability of building wealth. And so, if you put it on a two to a three year schedule to finish off the other 88, throw a hundred at it. That should give you plenty of wiggle room to have a good life.

Okay, so you're fine, you're fine. You're going to be worth a lot of money with the track you're on if you continue to be intentional. And I appreciate his nervousness because it's moving you towards positive things. But we don't want to let it go too far.

I like that, but also you get to say.

You're that's intentional, that's not intense, and that's a great band name Junkie Butt Car.

James note that.

Oh, brother. We have a battle of the bands here at Ramsey and they always get their names from weird things. I say on the air, This is the Ramsey show.

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Our question of the.

My house has paid off, let's just stop there. That's so great and I'm investing. Growing up with nothing and being so hungry and so poor created a scarcity mindset.

Even now that I'm in a place where I have all the necessities that I need. Sometimes it's hard to wrap my mind around it, and it's hard to not feel guilty sometimes. I would love to hear your wisdom and advice about how I can develop a spirit of contentment.

I have grown up my whole life in the states Dave, but I identify with this.

There's nothing to be charged with here. You didn't do anything, there's not a crime committed, you didn't, you didn't wrong anyone, no one got hurt.

You didn't steal your way into this position, you worked your way into the position. So, um, you know, the the uh, the thing. The only thing I've ever been able to come up with is, um, that has helped me a lot. Uh, is, uh, I balance my um consumption with my generosity. Yep, me too.

If I increase, if I feel a tinge of I don't feel worthy to be here, which I don't. That's why I tell people I'm better than I deserve. Um, I'm really smart and I work really, really hard, but the blessings in my life are beyond my smart or hard work. Okay, I mean, it would just be, it would not. That's not humility, and that's not false spiritual pride or something, It's not a humble brag.

It's just simply an, uh, an intellectual observation that I'm. I have a life that is beyond my smart or work ethic. I got good smart, I got good work ethic, but my life is beyond it. Okay, so I'm better than I deserve. Those of us that are Christians, we call that the blessings of the Lord.

Okay, which is beyond what I did, I played my part, but it's beyond what I did. And so you can say I'm better than I deserve, and that's like, people go, you ought to be positive.

And so you deserve it, I I. It wouldn't be accurate. I am better than I deserve, and I'm also. It's a statement of grace. Doctrinally. I'm better than I deserve because I deserve hell, and I'm not going because of Jesus.

Okay, so all that stuff, but the aside from that, the the when I, Sharon and I are able. I remember the first time I tithe, cause I give a 10th of my income to my church. The first time I ever made a hundred thousand dollars and I gave a $10,000 check, I was like, Oh my goodness, so much money in one lick. I mean, one time I, I like, wanted to kind of announce it, you know, like, this is going in the plate, boys and girls look at me, this is happening.

10 freaking thousand dollars, you know, I mean, it kind of went, all that stuff went through my head, but um, but it's just a normal rhythm of our life, so we automatically did it. But it was still like, Wow, that just happened. And, uh, and I've continued to have those feelings with, um, that, that. Now we're able to give more than we used to make, you know, a lot more than we used to make in a given year, you know? And so, um, and generous, so generosity helps me go okay. It's part of the rhythm of my life, and it helps me to not quote, unquote, feel guilty.

I don't ever really feel guilty, I've not had that issue. Um, uh, but I do have the sense of I'm not. Um, I've gotten more than I deserve, but I don't feel guilt is not the word for me. It's just um unearned blessings that's different.

Enjoying godliness with contentment is great gain, so if you've never done it before. So if Jen was asked to start learning a new language, or Jen was asked to start doing gymnastics? She would stumble and fall and hurt herself and sprain an ankle. It's part of it, same as giving, same as, um, contentment.

So when I I remember, um, I felt so guilty a couple of years ago buying a guitar, I just it sat on me. And so I went and found somebody to give a silly amount of money to like to donate to. Her thing as not a way to offset it, but as a way to practice. Okay, I feel this. And then I'm going to not just stew on this and I'd be dramatic, but I'm going to be extra generous. And that's been a way to balance it for.

It was completely used up. And um, uh, a guy that was working for me at the time, uh, I was probably worth a couple million dollars, something like that. The guy that was working for me at the time, uh, was in the car. We jumped in the car and we were driving to Chattanooga from Nashville, which a couple hours south of Nashville. And um, stupid thing, overheated. And so I'm off the side of the road at the Dadgum truck stop, rummaging through the dumpster, trying to find a bottle to get, you know, uh, to get some water and pour over the radiator.

Cause I'm a redneck, I know how to fix a stupid car and keep it going right. I know how to get the thing cooled off. And I'm going to get it on down to Chattanooga. And this guy working for me as a friend of mine, he's just ragging me to no end.

You freaking cheapskate, you've got millions of dollars and we're here on the side of the road. Cause you're too dadgum prideful to buy a decent car, cause you're afraid of what somebody will think about you having a nice car. Ooh, gotcha.

Totally got me it owned me, cause that's exactly right I was. I had reverse pride. I was like, I don't have to, I can drive whatever I want to drive.

I was driving a piece of crap and, uh, and I was afraid that somebody would think that. Since I'm on the radio telling people sell their car, you know that I shouldn't be driving a nice car, and I had. It made me process through the philosophy that she's dealing with here. And when I got home, I went and bought a two-year-old Jag Um uh, which was a great car, and I drove that car for a while.

It was a good. The ones that back when Ford was making Jags, they were good cars, and um, I don't know, they may still be making them. I don't know, but it was a it was a great car. Like, uh, in the nineties. And so anyway, that was a while back, a long time, a couple of decades ago. And then, fast forward, I went the other way up in 2014..

I got a bunch of criticism for having a nice house, some guy decided he was going to go bananas on the internet and it pissed me. Off. These left wingers, communists telling you you can't succeed in America and you should be ashamed of success. And I went the other way, and I went and bought three cars.

You showed them, Dave, you showed them. I drove one of them. Today, it's a 2014..

So, but, uh, you know, so you could, kind of you could. But it's like saying it out loud and then practicing your way through the emotions and not letting other people set the tone right. It's not about other people, it's about what's right between you and God. Are you being proper towards your family, towards your community, towards your future, and, meanwhile, being responsible with that?

Have you done anything wrong? Are you morally out of whack somewhere with what you're, how you're gaining the money? Probably not, um, but then there's always some moron out there that's going to be envious or jealous. That those dirt on your the Jen's success. Whatever side you're, you're doing. It could be your family, it could be something else. You know, like, you know, like we say, you're getting above your age and all that stuff.

But anyway, you just say, Look, you, it's between you, your brain, your conscience and God, and if you can get that straight, and that's a matter of practicing. Adding generosity to the equation, intentional generosity, that's that grows as your income, and your wealth grows, so that the generosity is not back at your old income level or your old wealth level. And your enjoyment grows as your wealth grows as well. And, uh, your your use of money for personal consumption. The quality of your vacation, the quality of your dining out, should go up as you go along, but not so much so that it's out of whack. All of that fits into this contentment issue.

It's a.

Not something wrong with you, matter of fact, you'd be something wrong with you if you didn't feel right. So just make sure you practice, practice your way through.

Hey guys, George Campbell here.

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John is a P.h.D. in counseling, number one bestselling author many times over, also host of one of the more popular shows on the Ramsey networks, called the Dr. John Deloney Show. Where people call him for on-air questions to the counselor, well, you can get to him today. 888-825-5225. Crystal's with us in Colorado Springs.

Hi Crystal, how are you? Hey, I'm good. How are you better than I deserve?

What's up?

And just the cliff notes of that is that about 20 years ago, I bought my parents house back from the bank. After they lost it, they lost their house and their business and everything. And so we quote, unquote, put it in my name, with the expectation that they would take it back. But over the course of those 20 years, my dad cheated on, my mom got divorced, I ended up moving into the house, you know, and so....

Whatever, but the proceeds from the house, I felt, were mine, because it's been my house for that length of time, so at the time.

How much was that? about $34,000 or $35,000? Okay, all right, so you returned that to her?

Sure, did. And then, you know, we didn't give my dad anything, told my mom she could share that, but we didn't feel like we should give. Like any other house was theirs, he hadn't lived there in years or anything, and apparently that's been a really sore issue with him.

And he wrote me a letter about three weeks ago saying how that was terrible. The house was not rightfully mine. I should never have done that. I'm selfish, I'm going to have to answer to God one day for that.

And just had his own, as we always do, his own perspective of reality, and I have my own. And they do not align. And so it was good to hear him out. And I responded and said, Hey, thank you so much. It's really good to hear your side of the story.

I didn't realize there was even an issue here, and then I said, Well, let me respond to this. So I responded in kind to his letter with a letter of my own, just really diplomatically, zero emotion, saying, Here's how I see these facts. And so he has not texted, emailed, called, answered calls, anything since then. And I'm just wondering, what's healthy?

The financial thing I don't feel like is what I want advice on. It's the relationship piece. I have three young kids who love their grandpa. And can we go for it? How do we go forward?

I ended my letter saying, You're still my dad, I still love you. You're still welcome to have a relationship with me and the kids.

So I just haven't heard anything. Do you live by him? No, he lives in Michigan, I live in Colorado. Have you picked up the phone and called him?

Yes, and it goes straight to.

It sounds like, unfortunately, he's making a grown up dad decision that he gets to make. Which is, I don't want to talk to my daughter, I know, and I hate that for you.

But it sounds like their grandpa loves being right in his own heart and mind more than he loves the relationship with those kids.

And I'm sorry.

That's heartbreaking, that breaks my heart for you guys.

Gosh, some people's kids.

I might.

But anyway, it's neither here nor there, the whole thing's messy, so the deal is this okay? Every time he sees you, hears you, talks to you. He is reminded that he failed your mother. He is reminded that he failed in business and lost his home, and his own child had to bail him out.

And so I'm sorry, but you're a bit of a source of shame for him.

You don't make him ashamed, you remind him of his misbehaviors. Does that make sense?

Except just one of us to walk over and knock him in the head.

But you'd have to be very careful about your spirit on that, not to stomp on, but to make sure those kids know that. Even when things are tough and someone chooses to not respond to you, that until they say, stop calling me, that. We're going to continue to try to love them the best we can. But I'd have.

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Thank you, thank you. Doug is in Phoenix.

Great job, thanks, brother. So to my question, I am in a spot. I have a company that came recruiting me and they're offering me a much higher increase in my base salary. My current company introduced quite a bit to 401K, and they have company stock that they basically hold.

When I look at the net numbers, the new company is a little bit more. But it's cash in my pocket and in my actual earnings. They can kind of retain it. If you even go to a competitor, they can hold it back and not pay you out. And so I'm kind of weighing this option on baby step two right now, trying to pay off debt. And I wanted to know your advice on.

In cash, not in kind. I mean, in kind. It's about a net net, but about a 30 swing cash in pocket, that's a lot. What do you do? I'm in commercial banking.

Okay, the other thing is, I don't want to trade short-term gain for long-term pain.

So if you're going over to a toxic, hot, mess, grotesque bank, don't do it. I mean, life's too short. And if you're going to someplace where you'd be capped out. And there's no chance of your career being furthered. And at the other place, you could grow. I wouldn't want to do that, so I don't want to take the short-term money and then, two years from now, regret it.

They've sort of come new into an area and they need someone to lead out a team and stuff. Culture and environment. Decent or good, yeah, they have a very good track record in that area.

Leaving the place where I'm currently at, it's sort of unknown what the path looks like. There were some things that they kind of promised that didn't pan out. And so it's sort of a, I don't know, but the other part of it, I. In this maybe step two journey, you know, we're coming out of. Got into a lot of debt over the last few years.

Yeah, that's better than a side gig.

I think, Am I missing something?

Yeah, yep, okay, me exactly. And if that's changed, then there's no, no downside.

Now, if you know if you're trying to bandaid over half but doing baby step two, then yeah, we could go there.

No, I think we talked actually just recently, as we're kind of contemplating this that, you know, we need to do, probably get fully on board. I think there is some. There's some spending, you know where it's like, Oh, we went over on that. We just kind of bumped the budget amount up, so I think there's some tightening up of.

Yeah.

I would've done it yesterday.

Now if you're again, if you're just doing this to mask over the fact that you really didn't change and you told me you were doing baby step two, but you're really not. Because you're half butt dragging along and you're still going on vacations and still buying crap you can't afford and that kind of stuff, then that's a different issue. If you are masking over it, then this is not going to mask over it, it's going to come back. It has a as my friend, less Parrot says. When you bury these things, they have a high rate of resurrection. So this stuff will come back to haunt you if you do that.

But if if you really, if you and your wife have really both said, look, we've been out of control. We're stopping the out of control, we're going to be in control. We're going to live on beans and rice, rice and beans for a period of time. And get this $150,000 in stupidity cleaned up. And then you take this job, then I'm in. Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it.

Layla's with us. Layla is in Washington, D.C. Hi Layla.

Well, so long story short, um, this Saturday, uh. My husband and I had like a series of not pleasant like rental car experience. And so my husband, I think, emotionally decided to buy a car over the weekend. And he put the closet down. But, like, we can still backtrack. And I was wondering if you had any tips for talking him out of this decision, because he really just don't need a car.

Okay, is it a brand new car?

And how expensive is it? It's $9,900, okay, and what's your household income?

Um, so he makes one 30 and I make 99.

Okay, all right. So um, do you have any debt other than your home? No, we're on baby steps for and we don't have, so why can you not afford this car?

We can, we just don't need it. And part of the reason that, like, we picked where we lived, was like, his whole argument was that we wouldn't need a car. So um.

So I think you need to get on the same page. But the answer to your question is, Can you afford a $9,000 car if you're paying cash for it? Yes, you can in your situation. And so no, I don't need to talk him out of it, uh, but you may need to talk him out of which car he's buying, cause you don't like that car.

You should be aligned on that before you make a major decision together. Um, and that's happened at my house. I can promise you this is the Ramsey show.

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Dr. John Deloney Ramsey, Personality, number one bestselling author of the book Building a Non-anxious Life, He's my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225, Daniel's.

You too, sir? How can we help? Okay, so I have two questions, one about my business, one about my house.

So I'll give a little background. So I just hit four years from filing bankruptcy. About a week ago, I was about as broke as broke gets. I now own a construction company that I opened April of 2021..

The mental impasse that I'm at with myself is, do I sell this business in a couple of years? Do I just continue to do this and continue to hire more people? So I'm not working as much since I'm about to have my third child. Like, I feel like asking these questions to myself almost makes me feel like a sellout. Because I care about my employees, my best friends, my vice president, and I just don't know what to do.

Okay, why would you sell it?

I don't want to do this forever. This wasn't even really a plan. I opened it April of 21. Before that, I worked with a guy who was probably the worst human. I'm prior military and I've dealt with some bad people, but this guy. He broke me to the point where I opened my business because I didn't want to be an employee again.

And it takes so much time away from, you know, my two daughters that I have four and one, and then I'm having my third child in January. Wait a minute, wait a minute. You work at night. No, no, no. I usually get home at like five or six, and then my.

Right, it's like a normal human, that's fair. Do you think you're going to sit at home?

I don't have any clue why you sold it, exactly because I'm an avid listener, and I've heard that you have a lot of friends. That even sold for $200 million and they still regret the decision of selling their business. And that's kind of what I fear, I think. For me, I just don't want to be the one that everybody looks to. And customer problems and people not paying their bills on time, it's mentally stressful. And I like the idea of, let's say, three to five years from now, getting into real estate investing.

You wouldn't just be fixing my exterior, you would have been helping me out.

And I have the same obsession with people's marriages, so you have that. I feel like you're looking at a lot of Instagram telling you how to flip this and roi this and get the money there. And bro, you have something that brings you joy in your life. And your daughters are going to be filled up by watching their dad work hard on behalf of the average homeowner in their community and show up ready to rock and roll as dad once he picks up his girls?

This year, we're projected for eight. And I have in my mind, well, if I want to continue to scale to this rate, it's going to eventually continue to take more time. So do I want to do this for 10 years?

You've not spent enough of your profits on team to put leadership structure in place. The best time of my business life ever started about a decade ago around here. And we were at that point, we were at that point at about 100 million. And I could afford to put leaders in place that were smarter than me, that managed segments of the business that were larger than the original business was. As we grew it and my life became amazing because I just stood back and watched other people do amazing work. And I was at home at five o'clock at night and have been at home for several decades at five o'clock at night. Because of delegation to quality people.

But spend some of your profit on your team.

You're what we call the trailblazer stage, there's five stages of business, it's like there's seven baby steps. And you can't scale any further until you build your infrastructure out internally, your systems and your processes and your leadership org chart sucks inside this business because it's hucky stick.

It's gone up and to the right fast on you and it's getting away from you and you feel out of control. And that's what's scaring you. I'm getting now.

I finally found it it was in there somewhere. Okay, this is the Ramsey show.

Dr. John Deloney Ramsey Personality is my co-host today. Thank you for joining us. Selling a house or buying a house in this current market is wacky. It's crazy.

It's a great time to sell and it's the best time in the next five years to buy. Because house prices continue to rise even though the market's wacky. So if you want to buy a home or sell a home and do it the right way, it's a blessing. If you do it the wrong way, it's a curse.

All real estate transactions are not good, only ones that make sense inside your situation are good. And sitting around waiting on the market to change to suit you is not a plan. The Ramsey Trusted Program is the only way to find a real estate agent that you can trust to keep you on track with what we teach here at Ramsey. And to help you get the best offer on your house or get the best deal if you're buying, so we send you some of the top agents.

All the Ramsey trusted real estate agents are high-octane, high-protein, high-producers. They're not Aunt Sally, who got her license three weeks ago, or the guy Charlie down at the church who just got into business. That's not who you want. Selling your most expensive asset. Hello, you want a pro?

Somebody's done it a bunch, and I'm sorry if that hurts your little friend's feelings, but I don't really give a crap. It's your house and it's a lot of money and you need to take care of it, right? So, Ramsey Trusted agents have years of experience. Find a Ramsey Trusted real estate agent for free at ramseysolutions.com slash agent.

Linda is in Seattle. Hi Linda, how are you?

And then I have an additional $10,000 to $11,000. Set aside that I have a car that I purchased two years ago and I wanted to pay it off this summer. So I'm pretty close, I'm right there.

Okay, sit around, wait on the summer to come around, knock it out, okay, and you have no other retirement money.

Okay, and the school would only be paying a very measly amount, a few hundred a month.

Rent is going to go up every year.

Okay, buying a house? yeah, if you rent? No, I didn't say rent, I said rent's going to go up every year.

If you rent and the most expensive line item in your budget is your housing cost agreed, correct. And so your most expensive item is variable. And going up and out of your control. As long as you rent. So renting is really a bad option at retirement, it's a bad option long-term period, but it's really bad at retirement. Because it will stay, you know, cause it's going to go up a lot.

Rent's going to go up a lot faster than your social security inflation adjustment.

And your income is going to go down when you retire dramatically. Okay, so that's going to that's going to put the pinch on you. If you stay in the rental mode, the problem is it's very expensive to buy real estate and you're in freaking. Are you in Seattle?

Rent is going to go up. So the good news about buying is you fix lock in the most expensive line in your budget. And that's going to be a big deal 20 years from today for you.

That, that, that you're locked in, you're locked in at those old 2024 numbers.

But if you don't buy one, you're really going to be up a creek. So if you buy, but if you buy something too expensive, it's going to drain you out anyway. So that's the paradox. So the only answer to the equation is buy something unbelievably cheap somewhere, somehow. And I don't know what your particular real estate market is, or how you know. Quote unquote affordable. You can find a one bedroom, two bedroom, little condo or a little farmhouse out in the middle of no freaking where.

Yeah, or whatever I mean, it does, it does not need to be fancy, it needs to be housing.

Whatever we do is going to be a strain. We're just going to have to choose our heart.

She got $40,000 a year income, $45,000 a year income, so it's not going to be easy, be very tough. She's operating at a lower income level with not a lot of money to put down. And so we're going to be in lower income housing type, lower housing prices, which is fine.

There's no shame in that. It's better than being a renter for 35 years, though, or 30 years or 25 years, or whatever the number is, because it goes up every year. We've got to lock in that line item and folks, just to backtrack. For those of you that are 32 and you're listening to this going, I'll never buy a house.

You know, yeah, you will. You got until her age to figure this out, but you'll get it figured out, but you need to get it figured out. And then you need to get the house paid for. Because if you can come into retirement with a nest egg, let's just make up a number. A half million dollars and a paid for house. Even if it's a modest house. You've locked in the most expensive line item in your budget and you've got money to live on.

And then you're set for retirement. You don't have to be a millionaire, but you've got to, you can. You know what we're aiming at? And you know, if I could backtrack on in Linda's life? I don't know what all happened to her. But if I could backtrack in her life 20 years and take her to a better place today, I would, obviously, but I can't.

So we'll work with what she's got. So I'm going to buy the cheapest possible thing as soon as I possibly can. And then if interest rates go down, you can refinance folks, you marry the house, you date the rate.

The rate is not permanent, you can refinance and get rid of the rate. So if rates drop, I can't buy in these rates. Yeah, you can, you can buy in these rates, and you just, you know, just don't. We're not keeping the mortgage forever.

A we're going to get it paid off and b we can refinance and drop it if it goes down, so date the rate, marry the house, that's the plan, so get something inexpensive and get it going, get your foot in the door.

And that's what I want from Melinda Lesserhart. This is the Ramsey show.

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual, amazing relationships. Thanks for hanging out with us, America. we're glad you're here, Dr.

John Deloney, number one bestselling author, P.h.D. in Counseling, host of the Dr. John Deloney Show Ramsey Personality, all those kinds of things. He's my co-host today. The phone number is 888-825-5225. Matthew's with us in Denver.

Hi Matthew, how are you?

And the terms of said loan were a bit ambiguous. And I suppose over time it's something that hasn't really been discussed. And I'm just looking for a little bit of guidance on how to pose the conversation and frame it in a way that doesn't seem greedy or pushy. I am conscious of the fact that at one time it was his money, so that is something that I guess....

Did he call you? did he sit down with you and say, Hey man, I need some help? How did that work out?

Yeah, yeah, and so now you're 27??

Just like that.

What's your hesitancy?