Armchair Anonymous: Parent-Teacher Conference

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Ooh, today we're talking school days.

Yes, parent-teacher conference, which people probably just had some year end. Oh, yeah, probably. Yeah.

Did you go to any?

No, I think the last ones I participated in were spring. I have a weird take. I kept trying to float this with some of the teachers we talked to, and none of them were buying it. I learned in this episode, I'm off base. But my thinking is, is this this thing we make them do where they have to come and tell us how great our kids are?

I agree. they shouldn't say, your kids are perfect, but they should say strengths and weaknesses. It's good to know strengths and weaknesses.

I mean, I think parents are there just to hear how great their kids are.

Well, that's a parent problem.

I just always feel bad for the teacher.

Yeah, I get that. Well, you will, after listening to this story, definitely feel bad for the teacher.

Yeah, these were great. There's no blood or duty.

This one, everyone can listen to, I can confirm.

Yeah, unless you have a trigger about losing your hair. I guess that's the only one we should be careful of.

Even that, I think, well, I don't want to assume.

It's not safe to assume. Okay.

No one should listen to this. Fuck it.

We should shut this thing down, I think. Please enjoy Parent-Teacher Conference.

Hard times, come and go.

Good times, take them slow.

My life, I had them both.

Remember one thing, you got to know, I'm going to keep on shining.

Good morning. Morning. How are you?

Good. My alarm didn't go off, which was bad.

And you slept till 11?.

10..

Oh, wow. That's impressive.

Yeah, like 10, 10..

Whoa.

I know, but it was bad.

Could you do that, Rob?

No.

Yeah.

Maybe you should try it.

I've tried it. I would love it. I'm envious. Do you feel judged?

Well, a little.

Oh, no. Genuinely, I would fucking kill. I would like to, as the kids. I couldn't with the kids. But even when I'm on vacation, I'm like, I'm going till 10 tomorrow morning.

Well, when you're in a routine, that's hard. But I bet you could get yourself to a routine.

I could get there. Probably. If I worked hard at it, made it a goal. All right. Okay.

Yeah. You don't want the hole in the wrong spot.

No. That's creepy. Hello. Hi. Interesting name, picking, Mary Ann.

Actually, it's my bestie girl's name. And she just loves you guys. So I'm like, well, I at least got to give a shout out to her. If I'm not going to be me, I'll be her.

Okay. Lovely. So you're fully anonymous in this. And I hope this question won't reveal too much about you. But there's a very interesting background behind you.

I am teaching summer school right now. And so I'm in someone else's classroom. But I can't fully get under this desk. But I thought maybe there's some good acoustics here.

Don't you worry about that.

I'm too big for the children-sized desks.

Oh, my gosh. But those are a million tiny little pieces of paper. Is that what's going on?

It's called border. It's made to look like wood. But it's indestructible, so the kids can't tear it up.

Oh, my God.

Should we get that everywhere?

Yeah. It looks like maybe it was a history class. And they were trying to create a log cabin.

Oh, that would be great. Or an engineering class. Okay, so, presumably you're not a parent. You're a teacher. In this situation, you may be a parent.

Yes. So this is my second year teaching. So I'm a baby.

Wait, currently it is? Or this is when that story took place?

When this happened. When I was teaching that year, I was teaching kindergarten. That was my first time working with the little, little ones.

And do they tend to start people there? Where do they think it's easiest to jump in?

That is not the easiest. No. My first year, I taught third grade. And then they just had to do some shifting around the building. And I was like, I'll teach anywhere, even kindergarten.

Right. Right. I mean, it's really borderline babysitting.

You have to teach them how to line up. There's one rolling around the room. This one's climbing up something. I'm hungry.

Some kid's got his clothes off all of a sudden.

Some can read and write. Some have squiggles for names.

Oh, my God.

It's not the gig for me.

Okay.

So I'm terrified about parent-teacher conferences. You know, you have to tell parents the good, the bad. And so I had a mom that was coming up. Her baby was struggling academically. And I knew I had to have some hard conversations with her.

Okay.

The mom told you this?

She started telling me. And I try to redirect the conversation. Because, you know, conferences are quick. We've got a ton. we have to get in in a short amount of time.

Oh, my God.

It's not my place to say anything. You guys do your thing.

And really quick, is she telling you this? in the same way, Tom Cruise jumped on that couch? Like, she was just so in love, she wanted to share it with anyone that would listen? Or did she think it had something material to do with her child's education?

Had not a bit to do with her child's education. I think she thought we were friends and I was a safe space.

Okay, okay.

And she starts telling me that they're seeing each other. And so I'm like, well, so your son.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

These are the letters that he knows. These are the letters he doesn't know. She's like, my friends call him my sugar daddy.

Okay. Wow, she's really on one. She really can't get off topic. These are the numbers that your son knows.

This is what we're working on. We're working on addition. And she's like, you know what? He pays me. He'll come over.

Oh, here we go. First and foremost, thank God, it's a woman telling you this story. Yeah. Yeah, if a man's telling you about this, we got to call someone.

How old are you? I'm like 23.. Yeah.

And how old was she? She's probably roughly my age, maybe a few years older. I live a very sheltered, sweet, sweet life. And so I don't know that people do these things.

No wonder the kid is struggling. This is all going down in this house. That's real. She can't even pay attention to the kid's numbers.

I wasn't disagreeing with you. I was more thinking even further upstream. Like, okay, so genetically she's one who takes money to show titties to a classmate's dad. Maybe genetically there's some stuff.

I don't think that's a genetic thing.

Okay. Okay.

And so at that time, I was horrified. But if this were going on now, I would be like, girl, give me all the details. What's going on? We can talk about your kid later. Like, tell me everything.

In fact, do you have any section on parent-teacher conferences, that aspect of the job?

They teach you to sandwich the information, give them some good, give some things to work on. But they don't tell you all the wild curveballs that can come your way when you're having such conferences.

Wow.

Wow, wow, wow. What would be a great ending of this story is that you guys have been now best friends for 10 years.

And I know everything. No, not at all. At that point, I'm like, okay, well, we've got to wrap up this conversation. Like, I've got the next family that's coming in. I'm so sorry.

Yeah. Wow. Sure, sure.

He was with his wife, but did he seem normal?

Yeah, like if you were to force yourself to imagine you didn't know that detail about him, would anything have—?

Red flag.

Red flag.

No, not a bit.

Wow, you know, now that we're talking about it, I have been in many parent-teacher conferences. And I like to think I'm really good at policing myself, because you get disgusting as a parent because you love hearing good stuff about your kids. And then you start bragging about your kids, and then you're mining for more. And I realize, after one or two of these, I'm like, oh, this is so gross. This brings out a really gross side of ourselves.

I want to tell you about your babies. We spend all day with them. We see the good, the bad, the ugly. We think your kids are fabulous. Of course, there's things they need to work on.

So you don't feel like you're placating the parents so much?

No, this job is all about relationships. And I like to talk to parents within the first few weeks of school, build that relationship. And then, conference, is that time where we get to really dig in and form that bond. Because there will be hard things that come up during the year.

Wendy has also said, Wendy Mogul, it's really good to hear what teachers say about your kid, positive and negative. But positive is important because sometimes the way they behave in school is much different than the way they behave at home. And to know how they are in a school environment is important.

Right, that's a good point. A couple of child therapists, their first question is, do they do this at school? And if they don't, then really you're like, oh yeah, then they're just blowing off steam at home.

Right, because there's so many things that parents will tell me that kids do at home. And I'm like, never have I seen anything like that at school. And that's what I tell them, home is their safe space where they get to let loose, they get to be themselves fully. And so it's fun having those conversations.

When you have to suggest that the child might need some additional assistance, how is that met? Like if you had extreme defensiveness? At some point, someone had to tell my mom, like, I think he's dyslexic. He probably needs to go get some testing. And people, I assume teachers have to tell parents, I think he needs to get tested for a spectrum.

For sure, but we have to be so delicate in the way that we say stuff. Because we are not doctors and we cannot diagnose anything. So like if we think that a kid has challenges with their attention, we couldn't ever suggest that your kid might have ADHD. We could say that they have a hard time focusing, here's the things that we see. And then you might want to talk to their pediatrician about that.

People don't bristle at that, that's fine.

And then that's on them. And I've had a lot of parents tell me, my kid doesn't have ADHD, I don't want them on medicine. But I don't know, that's not what I'm saying. I just want you to know, these are the things that I see. These are the challenges that they have sometimes.

Oh boy.

What a gig you guys have.

Marianne, I really wish we could get an update from that mom. I want to know what's happening now. This seems like an exciting...

It almost seems like it was a, now it's feeling sadder.

Like a cry for help.

Yeah, she needed to be able to say all that. And especially, he was coming to the door and stuff and she wasn't answering. This got a little dark.

Had it been me now, it would have gone completely different. But that's not your role.

You're not there to be her therapist. That's not your fault. But it just feels like, yikes lady.

I would dig right in. I'd be like, wow, interesting. So he's paying, you're in love though. Okay, but you're still charging for the view.

And I do have a counseling degree now. So, I mean, I could have really turned it into a session. Like, let's dig in.

I wrap this up at seven. Come back and let's really roll up our sleeves.

Hey, before I let you guys go, I have one quick story for you. Yeah. I wanted to let you know how you all helped me find out that I was pregnant for the first time.

Wow. Okay.

This is going to be interesting.

So my husband and I, we hopped on the train to come see you. We live in the Kansas City area. We went to Chicago. You were at one of your Chicago shows. So I'm excited.

Oh, my God. I love this.

The next day we're like, maybe I'll get a pregnancy test. Maybe my hormones are just a little bit off.

And we found out.

And it was all from the show.

So how old is your baby now?

She's a little bit over four.

Oh, wow.

Well, I'm glad we were a part of that story. Yeah, me too. That's very flattering.

All right, well, nice meeting you.

So nice to meet you guys, too.

All right, take care.

Oh, I want to go back to school.

I thought you were about to say, I want to go back to sleep.

I do.

Oh, I want to go back to sleep.

I had a tough morning.

A tough morning?

Well, it was just, it was so hectic.

Sure, trying to get out of the house.

Well, once you see that it's 1010, you like throw the phone. I missed a meeting.

Oh, gee.

It wasn't that I slept through it. It didn't go off.

You didn't set it.

I must not have, but I did set it. I set it for 830..

No, but the phone doesn't make mistakes. Here's David. David. Oh, fun, male teachers. I have a stereotype when I think of teacher.

Ding, ding, ding. Just yesterday, this is weird. One of my best friends from home, Kirsten, she's a teacher. Hi.

Hi, David.

It's so great to meet you, too.

You too. You look like John Mayer. Obviously, everyone must tell you that.

I've never heard that before. That is the kindest thing. What?

I can see it in the eyes.

Sure.

But also like sort of a little Adam Brody-esque.

There's a lot of handsome stuff going on.

These are all great comparisons. I'll take any one of them.

Yeah, my first thought was John Mayer's a teacher?

Yeah, he's transitioned over. Second life.

David, where are you?

I am currently in L.A., but I live in New York. I'm just here for the week.

Oh, is there an event you're attending or just on vacation?

I am attending a wedding, so I'm just staying in Santa Monica. I used to live here for five years and then moved to New York.

Okay, when you come back, do you think like, why did I ever leave? Or do you think, I'm glad I left? What do you think? You're just making sure you're recording. I know this looked very well.

Yes.

There's a third person. I don't have it yet, but it'll be coming.

Okay, it's coming.

You know what's great? We're getting a really great look at David's face from every angle. Like when you're setting your face ID with the iPhone and you have to rotate all around. Okay, so back to California question. When you come back, are you thinking, shit, why did I ever leave?

Why did I ever leave? My wife was the big push to New York. I was trying to convince us to stay in L.A., and so we split the difference and ended up in New York.

Stop.

I love L.A. I was a huge fan.

That's pretty good. That's pretty nice. I like it. It's pricey, but good.

I'm a Westsider. I feel like you guys are Eastside folks.

Well, I did do 10 years on the Westside in Santa Monica. Euclid and Broadway.

But you identify as an Eastside boy.

Oh, God, yeah. I had no business there. I was the only one fighting hooligans on the street out there on the Westside. Okay, David, so you have a great parent-teacher conference story. Are you a teacher or a parent in this scenario?

I'm a student in this scenario.

A student. Oh, wow.

Interesting. Left curveball.

Left curveball. That's the known saying.

Yeah, so this takes place 2005-ish, where I grew up in Rockville, Maryland. I was a sophomore in high school, so probably not the most self-aware or smartest age for boys. In high school, I was a good student. I got decent grades. It was very important for my parents that I got good grades.

Solid approach.

In my foolish 15-year-old mind, it's like I'd rather stay up all night for two nights in a row, cramming rather than 15 minutes a night for the month before.

Yes. Okay, I don't want to slow the momentum down, but for me, it's Adam Scott as well. Oh, okay. And it's when the face is in motion.

Yeah, sure.

All three are great ones. I really appreciate it.

Adam Scott, I love. Okay, so that was the game plan.

Not perfect, but mostly worked. But I had a Spanish class where my teacher was roughly three months behind on grading tests. So I had done zero homework in the class. I had zero tests done. And then I was a pretty good student, so I had interim report cards where it was all As and then one F.

Oh, wow.

That would make her back off, or something. I'm sure they were friends. And so she said, great. And I said, OK, only rational thing is to escalate it further. And I said, know what?

Yeah, you just designed your public execution. Yes.

And so my parents got a notice. They said, you need to come in for a conference at, like, noon on a Wednesday. So they were furious, not only because they assumed that I messed up and was being an idiot, but also because they had to drive 45 minutes from their office in the middle of the day.

Were they working in D.C.? They were. This is a disaster. Yeah.

And so I had a few days before the conference, and I prepared for this thing, like I was going in front of the Supreme Court, put in more effort into this than anything I've ever done before. I was, like, writing opening statements. I was printing out evidence. I was preparing packets. And so the day comes along, and I'm sitting outside the principal's office, and my parents are sitting there.

Set the tone, yeah.

I was like, I could talk my way out of this. I started, I was just like, listen, I think this is about how much I care about this class and how much I think it's my right to understand my grades so I can understand my level of competency and really make sure I'm understanding material. Wow. Which I think is the most generous interpretation of the situation possible.

This is brilliant, kind of.

If you're the educator or the principal, or the numerous people you've called into this, you could either be charmed by this or, like so, annoyed by how precocious this kid is. It goes one way or the other.

Very polarizing swing. I think the latter. She's in a situation right now.

It's bringing back my memory of Rushmore and how he was the worst student ever, but he was so eloquent and well-spoken in his defense. But he is a good student.

That's why this is tricky. It's tricky. Yeah. Okay.

I think if my Spanish teacher was just like, the solution to this is David does his homework, I would have been eviscerated. That would be the end of the conversation. But I think she wanted to not bring up that she is three months behind in grading. So she says, David, I absolutely agree, but you've never before brought up wanting to know your grades. Oops.

Oh, she's spiraling.

Purging herself.

She's quite flustered. Yeah. And then so I pull out the second email and I said, here is your response to the first email.

Oh, fuck.

This is like few good men. Yeah. You got the witness to break.

I could see my parents just like move from angrily staring at me to just looking at the teacher. Like we're. so just how did my son trap you in this situation than anything else? It was just like mystified. And then, at this point, the principal stands up.

Oh, shit.

So you won.

Won the battle, lost the war. They were like, OK, we're going to grade your papers. We're going to give it to the head of the Spanish department, who was so much of a tougher grader than my teacher ever was. And so I think the moral of the story was just do your homework. That could have ended way better for me.

What grade did you end up with at the end of the semester?

Probably a B or C. I think it accurately reflected my level of competency of the material.

Right. Oh, what a moment for mom and dad as a boy.

They probably could have gotten you back up to an A. That's the beauty of homework. It can actually get you up a little bit.

It's there for a reason.

It is. It wasn't for me either.

What do you do?

I work in finance now. I thought I was going to be a lawyer for a number of years and then tried that out. It was not for me.

Everyone hates it, right? We can agree. All lawyers hate their job.

My parents were not trying to push me to the career at all. I know no lawyers who enjoy it.

I hear finance is only a tick better than law.

Yeah, I'm not sure. it's a ton better. Less reading. All right.

Well, David, great meeting you. Well done. That victory was worth a C, I think. Yeah, I like it. It's a life story.

I appreciate it. It was great meeting you guys.

Yeah, you too. Have fun on your trip to LA and have a good time at the wedding.

All right. Will do.

Very charming and smart, man.

So smart. That's why I thought, maybe he... I feel like he was... Well, he probably was doing something really important, but... Oh.

Like... Growing the nest egg at an annual percentage rate of 17%. Okay.

Back to my really important story.

Oh, yeah. Sorry.

So Kirsten, one of my best friends from home, she is now a teacher at my high school. Well, actually, she's in administration now. But she sent me a picture just yesterday of her and our eighth grade teacher. Oh. They had run into each other at a thing, and he had ended up becoming a principal, but I think he might be retired now.

About you and her.

Our whole group of girls.

Oh, he was.

He was proud. And we were his first year of teaching.

Oh, wow.

And he used to call me Padman.

Oh, he did. Yeah.

He was so cool. We loved him. Loved him. Mr. Torney, shout out.

A dingles. Ready for Patrick? Patrick.

There's nothing like getting your teacher's approval. There's something so specific about it being the best in the class.

It's funny. I would say I don't agree, but I do. I got it from so few teachers, but the ones that gave it to me did change my life.

Yeah. They just have so many people to pick from, and if they pick, you, hot.

Hot.

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Hello. We can't see you.

We can't see you.

Oh, no. We see a weird camera with a line through it.

It's an emoji. Yeah. It's an icon. Yeah. You can try signing off and back in and see if that helps.

Okay, let me try that.

Okay.

Okay, cool.

So, I could tell a story about my father. now. It's parent-teacher conference related.

Okay.

There was a point where they thought my brother had some kind of developmental behavioral stuff. I don't know what the accusation was. The principal wanted to see both my mom and my dad, and my dad was furious about this. There's nothing wrong with David. I'm not coming in.

No. He did not.

He did. I mean, that was my dad. We get Laura to tell the story. She was just like, Jesus Christ, where do we go from here?

Yeah. He was just so fed up.

He was basically just saying, fuck you.

Yeah.

I'm not cooperating with this. I'm not going to play my role in you telling me there's something wrong with my son. Whoa.

So interesting. Parents are so different. Hey.

There you are.

Hey. Love it. We did it.

I'm so glad we get to see you. We look identical. Okay, last annoying question. Do you happen to have ear buds?

I do. Give me a second.

Okay, great. We could be brothers, huh? Me and Patrick?

I could see it. Bros.

Bros before hoes. I love this. We're getting a tour of Patrick's house to the listener. Yeah, this is always fun for us. What's never happened is someone strolls past a dead body.

No, but we're also therapists. Like, if they say I killed someone, they do have to keep going.

Oh, there is. That's the line.

Yeah. Okay.

Okay. Yay, we've done it.

Oh, yay. We went through hell and high water, and we're here.

We did it. I feel better now.

Okay, good. Are you flattered or offended that I said we could be brothers? Oh, I'm flattered. Oh, good, good, good.

What if he said offended? He could be.

I would understand. Oh. I'd go, yeah, I get it. Where are you, Patrick?

Columbus, Ohio.

Oh, wonderful. There's a college there, yeah?

Oh, yeah, the big one. OSU.

We're rivals, right?

I don't care too much myself. But yeah, big rivals.

Same. We're going to bridge the divide right now. today. We're going to heal some hearts. Aw.

Neither. I was the student. Oh. Okay.

Wonderful. Second one like that. Yes. And that's unexpected and delightful.

We call that a left curve ball.

That's what Monica calls it.

Okay, yeah. So I started high school in the late 90s. I had come from a very small private middle school to a very large public high school.

Oh, okay, big adjustment.

And at this school, we had block scheduling instead of periods. So we had four 90-minute classes a day for half the year, and then it switched to different classes the second half of the year.

Got it.

Okay.

So we had eight classes all year, but four the first half, four the second. My very first class, my very first day, freshman year, was gym class. Pretty soon, I discovered that the gym teacher was also the basketball coach, and the majority of my gym class was on the basketball team. Not great for me not being a big basketball player and pretty short as a freshman.

Okay.

The gym teacher was pretty cool. He realized that me and a couple other kids were not really into it. After we did some warm-up exercises, he kind of let us do our own thing for the rest of.

the class.

I befriended a kid in my class who was also not a big basketball fan, and with the freedom we had in gym, we got into a little bit of trouble. We liked to skip class, smoke cigarettes in the baseball dugout and whatnot.

Yeah, wonderful, because the gym coach presumably would be distracted by running drills, and you'd be milling about the gym, and you would sneak out a side door, and fucking who would know? I've been there.

We did that for a while. I didn't think it was too big of a deal. We never got caught, but then parent-teacher conference time came around, and my gym teacher wanted to have a conference with my mom. This was the only teacher who wanted a conference with my parents.

Huh.

I was highly defensive. I was wanting to be independent and not feel judged about who I was choosing for friends and what I wanted to do in school. I'm telling my mom, this kid's a good kid, Mom. He just comes from a broken home and really landed on. I was like, Mom, I think I could be a good influence on him.

That was judo. You took their momentum and used it against them.

That was really good. Oh, yeah. That was enough for her. She's like, OK, well, don't get into any trouble. And I was like, of course not.

It was the kid's cigarettes, I'm imagining.

Oh, yeah, for sure. Marlboro Red.

Definitely was a bad influence.

Objectively, not a great influence.

He was a bit of a bad boy. You know, he would wear motorcycle boots and black jeans to gym class.

Oh, yeah.

I thought he was super cool, though.

He was.

This gym teacher, I don't like. He's definitely judging a book by its cover.

Well, no, the kid is up to no good. He's skipping and smoking.

But still, just because he doesn't look like the other basketball kids.

I agree with you in that if he was wearing like an Izod sweater, that was pink.

Yeah, he probably wouldn't have been like, that's a bad influence.

Yeah, would have slid through the cracks.

Me being 14 years old, I thought for sure he was judging. And I didn't want any part of it.

Yeah.

So, second half of the school year, I no longer had gym and I didn't have any classes with this kid anymore. We were still friendly at school, but I wasn't really hanging out with him. One night I get home, I turn on the TV and the local news was on. And the story that pops up is local teen, friend and mother arrested for murder.

Local teen, friend and mother. Oh, my God.

Friend.

Friend. I'm watching this news story and they show the first picture. who was the quote? unquote local teen. And I was like, holy shit, this kid goes to my school.

Oh, my God.

That's right.

I'm shocked by the story. Rumors are going back and forth. I didn't really get a full grasp of what happened other than the aforementioned teen. It was his father that they killed. It was the teenager and his mother killed his father.

Oh, my God.

Accomplice after the fact or before the fact. Okay.

Holy shit. Well, that father was probably abusive.

Well, here's what's really sad, of course, is mom and son generally only kill dad when he's beating the fuck out of everybody.

Right. And that was the story that I had heard. I didn't know what was true and what was rumor, but that is what I heard. So after I got over the initial shock of this story in general that two people I went to school with were being charged with murder, I immediately thought I need to keep this news story from my mom.

Okay. I think she's getting retroactively.

I cannot let her think that I was making bad choices and friends after I thoroughly defended myself, that I was being a good influence on the bad kids.

Minimally, you failed at your task.

No, I think you were a good influence.

Oh, because he didn't murder anyone while they were friends. Right.

Good point. And then the gym class ended and then he murdered.

That's a really solid argument. I think you were right.

I like this angle. I know.

Very tight. See, mom?

I don't want to get dark, but-.

You're so bad.

This easily could have been Aaron and I's story. That was not out of reach with the violent dude in his life, for sure.

Well, I'm glad it wasn't your story.

Me, too. I could have been the friend, though.

He was a victim of bad influence. It wasn't really that he was a bad influence. I love this guy.

I kind of do, too. What happened to them all?

So they all went to jail, the mother, the son, and my friend. I don't know the full details, but about 10 years ago, another classmate of mine, who I hadn't talked to in a long time, emailed me out of nowhere and just said, so-and-so is out of prison. That's all the message said. I believe that the son and the mother got a much heavier sentence. Wow.

Yeah. Oh, man. Oh, this is heartbreaking. This could easily be a documentary we would watch, and we would be like, I can't believe they put them in jail. Exactly.

I would imagine so.

Did you grow up in rural Ohio?

Right in Columbus.

Okay. This just feels so much like a Michigan story. I had a couple different classmates that committed murder before it was all said and done. In LA, I don't see kids killing adults. It just seems rarer.

That's not true. The Menendez brothers were here.

But they were like 24, 26..

No, when they killed, they were...

They were out of college.

Oh, I thought they were younger. Anyway...

Sorry, Patrick.

No, that's fine. So, as far as I know, I was able to keep that story from my mom to this day. And as far as she knows, I was a good influence on this kid. And he turned out to be a great guy. We love him.

And maybe he did.

He might have, yeah.

This is upsetting.

Wow, man. That's some heavy stuff for high school. You flip on the news and you see two guys. you see in the hallway all the time.

Yeah, it was quite a culture shock. coming from a very small private middle school. This was one of the first real friends I made at school. Within a year, he was in jail. What?

It's very crazy.

Oh, my God.

I'm presuming none of your subsequent friends ever stood trial for murder?

Definitely not murder.

Sure, some other petty stuff, maybe.

Oh, yeah. I do have some delinquent friends.

Yeah. Don't we all?

They're most interesting. Oh, Patrick, that was a great story. Thank you for telling us that.

Yeah, what a ride. Oh, thank you. It was a pleasure meeting you guys. I would like to shout out my wife, who could not be here to say hi. But she helped me with the computer setup.

Okay, what's her name? You know, I don't think I'd ever met a Kara. Now I know like four.

That's a pretty name.

Yeah, it is pretty. I like it. And our favorite hotel is Kara. Kara, for sure. But probably spelled the same, right?

That's right.

Nice. Well, Kara, Kara. All the C-A-R-A's. Hello.

Kara, your wife, Kara, the hotel. Shout out to both.

And you go by, Patrick, right?

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Well, Patrick, great meeting you. And thanks so much for telling us that story. You as well. All right. Take care, brother.

I feel sad.

Yeah.

Yeah, we should. That's really heartbreaking.

Yeah. No one should be forced to make that decision as a kid.

The mom, including the son, like all of it. It's just all upsetting.

I really want to know the circumstance now. I definitely see how it could happen if it was mid-abuse.

Right.

And they both rose up.

But then how would the friend, unless he was overplaying?

Well, then they're like panicked. They need to get rid of the body. Who knows what happens after that? Look at Robert Durst. That poor guy had to cut that person up.

I've never smoked one ever. Not one ever.

Not even drunk once. Took a drag? Nah. I don't know. You know who you are.

Doesn't seem interesting.

Hi.

How are you?

I'm so excited to be talking to you guys. This feels unreal. Because I'm a teacher and telling a story about parents, I feel like I shouldn't use my real name.

Okay, great. Oh, yeah. Well, then let's go with Monica.

Perfect. We'll say it is for today.

Fun.

Great. So, Monica, you are still actively a teacher. This is so confusing. All right. You want me to pick another name?

Oh, my God. No, we can sit with Monica. Are you in a break room?

I am a teacher. Today is field day. Today is the last day of school. And I, 20 minutes ago, was in the dunk tank. So I'm like fresh out of a dunk tank to talk to you guys.

You're such a fun teacher.

Talk about a ding, ding, ding, Monica. I am volunteering on Monday for their field day. And I'll be operating first the bouncy house and then some kind of football coin tossy thing. I don't know.

Those are the good ones. They finagle a bunch of teachers to being in the dunk tank. Of course. And I usually say, like it has to be above 75 degrees for me to go in. And I'm going to be honest, I only do it on years.

Okay, good. As you should. And so what kind of weather did you have today? Was it warm?

Yeah, it's like 76 and sunny. Oh, perfect. By the time I'm in the dunk tank, it's like halfway through the day. So there's kind of like a layer of gross film of sunscreen.

Oh.

Yeah.

Okay.

It's not great. They do. let us pick what kids are going to try to throw. So I usually start by being like, remind me, who plays baseball? And then they were saying like, okay, so none of you.

And what percentage of the kids hit the target?

I had three go today and only one hit the target. Each teacher gets dunked if you're volunteering to go in.