Audrina Patridge: Surviving an Abusive Relationship (FBF) [VIDEO]

What is up, daddy gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy.

Thank you so much for having me.

I am so excited. I have been an OG fan of The Hills. Congratulations on writing your book, Choices, To The Hills, and Back Again. What inspired you to tell your story?

You know, what really inspired me was all the DMs from my fans. Just what I have been through throughout the years, they were always writing me wanting advice or to know how I got through this, so they could relate to me. At the time, what I was going through, sometimes it was so humiliating and I would get so hard down on myself, but reading that lifted me back up, knowing that I am not alone. So that kind of inspired me to think, okay, well, this is my chance to answer all those questions in one place. Everything from The Hills to my relationships, to basically everything that is out there in the media or gossip or whatever that I have always bit my tongue.

Writing a book, I can imagine, it's a huge process. You, in this book, take the reader through trauma that you've been through. Was it difficult to relive while writing this?

Extremely. There were a lot of moments where I would break down and it was so hard for me. My ghost writer, Jen Schuster, who is amazing, she was almost like my therapist. through it all. I would cry and she would talk through it, and I was like, I can't put that in there.

I can imagine that too, because it's almost like you literally started, this being like, I wanted to finally just say my piece. Then, naturally, there is a part of us that we always are like, wait, should I say this? So it was kind of like, I love how your ghost writer is, like, Audrina, are we doing this or are we not? We're going all in.

We're going all in, and that's what I said. I want to be vulnerable. I want to be honest. I want to be open. So if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it the right way.

Well, let's get into what you wrote about in the book, because there's a lot. Take a sip. Here we go. Okay. We're going all the way back.

So I was. actually, I moved to LA. So I was going to night school in Orange County and I wanted to be a psychologist. So I had to drop out of college, community college, because I was going to get dropped and I was like, you know what? I'm just going to move to LA and give it a shot.

That actually makes a lot of sense too, now, looking back, that you had your like connections already, because I'm sure they wanted to make sure that, like Lauren and Heidi had a place to like plop in. And you were like, oh, let's go to like Bootsy, Bellows or whatever the. you knew what you were doing. Were you just like chilling at the pool in a bikini? Okay.

I was like, hi, can I help you?

You're like, hello, sir. Okay. That makes a lot of sense. So you decide to start with the hills. I'm interested because I think a lot of people, when you think about reality TV, immediately people are like, what did your family think when you're like getting followed around with cameras?

They didn't know what to think. They didn't even really know what I was getting myself into, but they were very supportive. And I moved to LA because I wanted to do acting. So I was already auditioning, for, you know, music videos and commercials and this and that. So I figured why not reality TV?

I feel like you played the character of the girl who had great style, like super edgy, the leather jackets, like worn t-shirts. Like I was obsessed with your style. You were the cool girl and you love the bad boys.

Yes.

And we were all obsessed with your relationship with Justin Bobby. When was the first time you saw Justin Bobby and what did you think about him?

So I was actually the receptionist at Coyote Studios. And the first time we met, he was working there with Steven Meisel on a shoot for Madonna and I was a receptionist. So he kept walking in front of my desk back and forth and you could only go so far. And I was like, can I help you? Like, he's like, oh, I'm just looking for some magazines.

We know that reality television relationships can be fake or can be edited to look a little bit different. What was the actual dynamic of your relationship with Justin?

I feel like, you know, Justin is a very mysterious man.

Yes, he is.

But,

Were you frustrated, though, by the edit of you guys ever?

Yes, because whenever there's cameras around, people act different. And I even going on other dates, like they just change people. But, you know, and Justin and I were very immature. We both played games with each other. So I can't just blame it all on him because I was doing the same thing.

Do you think that your relationship would have worked out had there not been cameras?

I don't think I've not in the beginning, because we were so in the Hollywood scene and going out all the time and drinking. And there's always temptation around and other people pulling us in different directions. But I think, as we got closer, yes, we could have, if we didn't have the producers always trying to put us at each other's neck and trying to get us jealous at each other, to get a scene.

going. So what was your first impression of Lauren Conrad?

My very first impression of Lauren, when I met her with Heidi at the pool and then we went out, she wasn't the friendliest person. She was very closed off. And as we started filming, I kind of started to understand why she was like that and why she didn't just welcome people instantly, because people used her a lot and would throw her under the bus. Now I understand why she was like that. But in the beginning, she wasn't as friendly or welcoming.

in high school, right? And she started in Laguna. I'm wondering, by the time you started filming the hills with her, from what you observed, how did she handle all the cameras following her?

around? She was so seasoned already. I feel like she had that experience. She was so comfortable with the cameras. She knew all the good one-liners to say when the scene was ending what to do.

When you guys would shoot a scene, okay, you're done for the day. Cameras are off. What was your relationship like with Lauren when the cameras were not rolling?

We ended up living together. We had the best time together. We laughed. We did everything together. We had our ups and downs.

Did you guys ever complain to each other about the process, or who hated production the most?

You know, I think in the beginning we didn't really care. We were all for it. We were young, wild, willing to do anything and everything, because we were out every single night anyways. It just made sense. Yeah, follow us.

Yeah. What was your first impression of Heidi Montag?

So my first impression. when I first met Heidi, I met her at the pool. We instantly hit it off because Heidi is so outgoing and fun and friendly. She lives in her own skin. She is who she is.

Can you believe that Heidi and Spencer are still together?

I mean, that's one thing I respect about Heidi and them, or her and Spencer, is because they have stuck it out and they've been through so much. Heidi could have left him and had a whole different life, but she loved him and she was willing to sacrifice and do whatever it took to make sure that that worked. Yeah, they're still together.

How do you feel now that The Hills is officially over?

Honestly, I feel good about it. I feel like it ran its course. I think this past new beginning season, we all got to a point where there were a lot of storylines. at this point. A lot of my real life wasn't on the show, so I was all for the storylines where a lot of the people were putting their real lives on the line and wanting to film their real lives.

make a good show. It must be a little bittersweet, though, because you're like, you've done this for so long. You now are the seasoned one. You met, Lauren, you're seasoned. Now you're the one.

I actually have a question for you. I don't know if you know this or not, but they just announced yesterday, I think, that there's a new cast for The Hills, a new young cast.

Wait, I didn't know that.

That, yes, it's a new Hills of a new generation and it's more diverse, and it's about addictions and dating in LA again. What do you think of that? I mean, I want to watch it just because, but I feel like...

I mean, I think that that's really interesting. I didn't realize that. I think that as I've sat down with a lot of reality television stars now, I just feel there's. so... Of course, there's some positives that come from it.

It's improv acting basically.

Yes. And I feel like it's kind of detrimental to people's health at this point because of how much social media is ingrained in the process of it. And people are getting death threats, if you're the villain. And it's like, I'm not actually the villain. They're telling me to say this line.

It's so different now.

I guess we're going to have to tune in though.

I'm going to have to tune in. Then you have to. I know. I sent it to Brody yesterday. as it wrote back.

Gossip Girl reboot, where everyone's like, it's not going to be with Blake Lively and Leighton Meester. It's just not the vibe.

No. I know. I know.

Shit. Okay. We need to watch it. Also, when you compare things, I'm like, there's no way anything will ever beat the iconic moments of The Hills. No.

Okay.

Your book, you open up about what happened in your relationship with your ex-husband, Corey. I mean, there's so much in it and it was incredible to how much you opened up. I'm sure as hard as it was, there's so many young women that are probably reading this, truly going to take so much from it for their personal life and gain strength. So I just want to say you're amazing for writing that way. Let's start from the beginning.

When I first met him through a mutual friend, I was going through the ups and downs with Justin and I just felt like I needed a guy that was respected and respected in his own industry and had his own thing going on. So when I met him at first, I didn't think of anything of it. He had a girlfriend, a year goes by, this is when MySpace was a thing.

Who was your top five? Tell me now.

I know, my song of the week. Um, and you know, our friend, it was just kind of happened organically, just from hanging out. And then, whenever he broke up with his girlfriend, he hit me up on MySpace and Lauren and I decided to invite him to our Halloween party because we needed new guys. And we were hanging out with all these, or I was with these professional BMX riders from X Games and like, they're all hot and like, you know, or I was like, okay, I know who to invite. Like we're inviting this group of guys.

And then that wasn't the case. And you write a lot about how you would catch him cheating, which we've all, I mean, I think I can say a lot of us, most of us have been cheated on, and it's one of the worst feelings. When was the first time you caught him cheating?

Well, the, you know, whenever he would go on these tours all the time, I would always get Twitter messages from my, from fans that watched the show. And they would warn me and tell me that he was in a bar in Oregon that night, making out with his friend, and they love me and they just want me to know. So whenever I would confront him, he of course would say, they're just lying to you because they don't want to want you to be happy. They're fans, don't believe other people. You're going to believe them over me.

Can you explain some of the red flags and manipulation tactics that you experienced in your relationship with Corey?

It's like, so. I always disregarded everything and I wanted to be in love. I loved him and I wanted it to work, so bad that I was willing to change myself and do whatever to make him happy. That's a huge red flag. If someone doesn't trust you, or they're constantly, you know, wanting you to delete your social media accounts or constantly wanting to go through your text messages, or you're not allowed to talk or go on, or you can't even go have a girl's dinner without being blown up the whole time because you're being accused of going out to cheat, or there might be a guy there that you run into.

It almost, I'm sure, made you at times feel paranoid of like, oh my God, now I can't do any of this because he's going to get mad. And when you're thinking all the time about making sure your partner doesn't get mad, like that's not.

Yeah. You're not even enjoying yourself. So for me, it got to the point where, you know, I would rather not go out because I'd rather not have to deal with the fight and the accusations. And it wasn't just like a day fight. It would string out over like a week or, or something would happen and it would come back.

I think also something you said to anyone listening that I definitely have experienced is like the, when they keep saying that you're the one cheating, that usually means they're the one cheating. Like you said, projection. Like, wait, why are you so obsessed with me cheating? I have not done anything to make you think that.

And you usually start finding the truth out after like, and that's the thing with my ex and our relationship, I would forgive and then things would be amazing. And then I would find the truth out three months into us being amazing. And it would be like, not again. No, like, why would you be good?

You wrote in your book, I had grown used to being woken up in the middle of the night by Corey standing over me, yelling and cursing things like, you're pathetic. You're a failure. You're a fake cunt.

Yeah.

To what extent were your family and friends aware of the abusive nature of your relationship with Corey?

They weren't aware of that. I tried to hide it from a lot of people because it's embarrassing. It's humiliating. And that's after, you know, I had my daughter and I wanted it to work. I had hope, but it just gradually kept getting worse.

I really appreciate you saying that, because I think a lot of people can relate to that, like feeling embarrassed to tell people. And that's another sign, right? Like when you're hiding it from the people that love you the most, that would accept anything that you come to them with. But it's so hard to just open up about it, because there's also a part of you that wants it to get better and believes it can change. You wrote also about finding the naked photos and the sex on his phone.

It rips your heart out.

In those moments, how did you keep it together?

I had to, because I remember when I'd see that, it's like I had to get up the next day and go film and try to pretend like everything's fine. And I would cry. I kind of started to learn how to block it out and like show up with a smile, do what I needed to do and cry after. It's like you turn it on when you need to for cameras, because otherwise, and this happened with Heidi a lot. I would always, she knows me.

Again, it's almost gaslighting. Like you just caught him doing something and somehow in two seconds, it's turned around on you. Like, well, you don't give me enough attention. That's why. And he's justifying, like him, getting nude photos.

And I know, but then I would get a message from the girl because he called her and she would write me saying how he loves me so much. And they just talk about me all the time. And I'm like, yeah, but I saw your entire vagina and what you wrote to him. Like, how are you? And you're a fan, but like you're going after my boyfriend.

It's very toxic. Yeah. You write about when you found out you were pregnant and you talk about how Corey was like so excited. He was so excited, so ready to have this baby with you. And for the future, did you believe that Corey could change once he became a father?

I did like a hundred percent. And I remember he was, you know, there is these ups and downs. And especially once Kira was born, it's like the happiest I had ever seen him. And he was so excited to be a dad. And just for this new chapter in our lives, you know, but things gradually got worse.

How, were you so lonely?

Yeah. Gosh, I'm going to get like teary-eyed going. This is another, it's like hard to go back.

Yeah.

I was, but I had my family. So I sold my LA house because I didn't feel safe there. And I took a break from TV and I was like, this is my life. Now I'm going to make it work. Like I am, I'm such a fighter and so determined.

So did they kind of then start to realize? Because now he's like not even a part of your pregnancy.

I mean, they did, but they also knew that his career, he was in, you know, Budapest, or he was in Australia for three months, or he had to be here. Like that was his job. But at least like, don't disappear for four days.

And not even text you back. He wasn't even calling you or texting you.

So that drove me crazy. And I, again, that's something I didn't want anyone to know either, because I was stressing out, but I didn't want it to appear like that. Like I really wanted it to work.

So, and cause like when you're pregnant, you. that's supposed to be a time where you're stress-free and you're trying to, so I can understand why you probably were just trying to like keep it together, because you're like the energy for my baby. I just need to like you and my family and not focus on that.

You kind of learn how just to change your focus, your priority. And my priority is to be healthy for this baby and do whatever it takes, no matter what happens. Like this baby is my everything.

So, once you gave birth, was, you write about basically, like it was a struggle for Corey to be a good dad. Did you trust him to parent without you there?

You know, when we were together with Kira, he was an amazing dad. You know, he made her laugh. He played with her. He'd bring me food. He'd, he was very helpful, but he was gone all the time.

I mean, I can't imagine like, I'm not a mother, but I can't imagine the anxiety you have the minute you have your child and everything, every step they're taking, or breath they're having. You're like, oh my God, I, you need to focus on them. And when you wrote about in the book, how you walked in and your daughter had throw up all over her.

Well, she had it. It was like stains all over the bassinet. And when I got home that day, I knew when I FaceTimed him and they were drinking and running around naked in the living room, the music was loud. I knew right. then I was like, okay, your priorities are not right.

You then get married. What was going through your head the morning of your wedding day?

There is so much. And I got married, you know, five months after I had my baby. And I remember my sister was there the night before and was even like, Trina, you don't have to do this. Like, let's get on a plane and let's go. Mom and dad will handle it.

It's so sad too, because, comparing it to the hills, it's like, you've learned how to kind of like, just turn it on and off, like turn yourself off and turn on, like, just get through it mode. And yet we're talking about like your life. Like this is, this wasn't being filmed. This is your wedding. Like it's.

but they feel like they should like. what advice? Don't do it. Because once you bring a baby into it and to the world, things don't get easier. It gets harder.

where he physically pushed you and you were holding your baby.

that moment of what you were feeling? I, it was kind of like that fight or flight mode. Like I kind of froze and I didn't know what to do, but things kept escalating. And when I was pushed back, you know, and Kira started screaming and crying and then I started crying and then he realized what happened. And then he started crying.

not okay to shove you, but the image of reading it, of you holding your daughter while he's shoving you, it's just like heartbreaking, because it's going back to like the fight was, wasn't it?

about, he thought you were cheating again? Not that I was, I knew that he was. And at that point I was so numb. I didn't care. I was kind of like, and I talk about this in the book, I got to the point where I was almost like, I'm glad that you're cheating.

made me want to run. I think it was very admirable of how you wrote about how, like you knew, the minute you called the police, it was going to be kind of over. Yeah. Can you, if someone's listening, explain where you mentally were at, where you knew, like that you needed to do this for you?

and your daughter? I knew that that moment I called the police, that's the end of it. And, and I knew that after what had happened and just the, he wasn't going to change. And I gave him so many chances. And once I had my daughter, it's like, I wasn't living for me anymore.

You know, it's humiliating. After you called the police, was that also when you got the restraining?

order? Yeah. So that kind of came after because he kept showing up at my events, following me, making a scene. He kept calling, he kept showing up and it's like, leave me alone. So, you know, eventually my lawyer was like, Audrina, this is not right.

daughter. Sometimes those extreme measures are imperative at that point, because how much farther.

would it go if you didn't? I know. Yeah. So, in my mind, that's where I knew this. is it.

I just knew, like, it's time. You wrote a lot about how the mental abuse affected, how you viewed yourself. You wrote, when you're told you're a piece of shit, every day, you begin to believe it. It becomes your reality. You stop fighting back and slowly start to die inside.

the strength through going to church. I turned to God. I literally, me and Kira would go every Sunday. I got into a small group. I had support.

able to try to find healthier relationships, and are there things you're immediately looking for?

and having boundaries now? Oh my gosh, maybe a little too hard of boundaries. No such thing. Okay. I love this.

And you deserve that. What do you wish people understood about what it's like to be inside?

of an abusive relationship? Um, it doesn't have to, just, it's not, sometimes when people say abusive relationships, they think physical, but abusive relationships aren't always physical. It's emotional. It's being called a piece of shit. It's, you know, being put down all the time.

You can't do it on your own. Audrina, thank you so much for coming on. I like, I, your book truly, like, I felt like it was such a journey to read and there were so many fun moments, so many intense moments, and it all really came together. And I feel like I'm excited to just see what you do next, because we've watched you for so freaking long. And I'm like, sad that I'm not gonna be able to.

see you on TV, but you have a podcast now. Yes. The podcast with Brody and Frankie, it's a Hills rewatch, but we talk about other things too. It's not just the Hills. So.

is it fun, for, do you think it's like a fun thing to rewatch? or do you think?

Okay. Can I be honest? It is so cringy for me to watch. I cannot watch it without having like a glass of wine. It's like, what was I thinking?

I truly don't know a world without the Hills. You guys basically like created reality television in a sense. And it's, it's going to be sad for it to be gone, but I'm excited for the podcast.

Maybe when we're like old people again, like give it another 20 years, we'll be like 50, 60, ready to do it again. I don't know.

Let me be so clear. I would watch. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Audrina.

Thank you so much. That means a lot.

Thank you. Thank you.