Confession: I Was The Other Woman [VIDEO]

Daddy gang, welcome to another episode of Call Her Daddy. It is Valentine's Day, you little fucking whores, and I promise you, if you are ugly, crying in your bed right now, sobbing, snot is coming out, your dog is in the corner, terrified, wise mommy, having a fucking mental breakdown, because he didn't call, and he didn't text, and my situation ship didn't ask me if he wanted to go out with me so that I could fuck him on V-Day, and I'm alone forever. It's fine, okay? It's completely fine. I fucking hate, I hate, I despise this holiday, because it's so fucking stupid.

I don't know what's dumber, New Year's or Valentine's Day, you tell me. I guess I would say Valentine's Day, just because New Year's, you know, you get off of work. for. Valentine's Day, you sit at your desk, you sob, your boyfriend. either A, didn't get you what you wanted, B, is a fucking fuck boy, or C, he got you everything you wanted and you just fucking hate him and you realize you don't want to be with him.

If you are in love over there, keep it to your fucking self, okay? I'm not going to be talking about how in love I am with Matt today. My Valentine's Day gift to you is a story time about Valentine's Day from The Vault. Now, something about telling old stories from my past time of when I was a degenerate and addicted to the toxic, I've seen a couple comments and, you know, some brads and chads, but what are the version of brads and chads for women, like Angela's and Karen's, have been, like, whining in my comments, like, Alex, like, why are you telling these stories? Like, Matt's going to be so insecure and he's going to be so upset that you're talking about sucking another man's dick and deep-throating the life out of him.

First of all, no. Honestly, yes, to deep-throating. No to Matt getting upset. Thank you for your concern. I do just want to let you know that Matt and I are thriving.

and even if we weren't, why do you fucking care? You know what I mean? All you need to worry about, anytime you tune in to Call Her Daddy, is that I'm here to entertain you. So some weeks, yes, I may tell you about my wonderful, healthy relationship with my fiance, who I love truly so much, but other weeks, we also may take it back to life before Matt, and that's okay. That's like when people in relationships and want to pretend like, I don't want to hear about your past, and it's like, okay, insecure bitch, like, why?

And it's like, I don't want to hear. Don't tell me. It's like, we can be mature. Matt knew he was marrying me and I was a psychopath, and he fell in love with me because of my storytelling ability, okay? Whether it's his dick or another, he said, sweetie, I want a house in Malibu.

Get us that coin. Let's go. Anyways, I want to talk about some absolutely unhinged and insane, just things that I did in the past. So, daddy gang, buckle up, because I'm about to tell you the worst Valentine's Day that I ever had in my entire life. Let's get into it.

So it was Valentine's day, 2020, we're going back four years and I was in the process of rekindling the flame with an ex boyfriend. And by that first sentence alone, daddy gang, little teaching lesson here, you can probably already guess it's going downhill, okay? Because when has it ever been a good idea to get back with an ex? Period. Full stop.

When has it ever been a good idea? Never. Especially when they cheated on you. But just in general, getting back with an ex, it's going to be a no for me, dog. You know what I mean?

It's ever ended a relationship and gone back and it ended in a happy love story. Don't write in if it's happened to you. I really don't care. Okay. This is the point is, don't go back to an ex, but to top it all off, getting back together with an ex around Valentine's Day, that's just fucking mental.

That's insane. But I was young and I was dumb and I was naive, and my ex and I at this point, so we started talking, and I will say we were probably talking and having sex for like a few months at this point. And you know, things were pretty decent. I will say in my life, like I had to give context, I had started call her daddy around this time. So I was bringing just like a complete different energy to the relationship from the last time that we dated.

Back in the day, most of the men that I was, you could say, dating, fucking, attracted to, seeking out, they always had more money than me. Was it strategic? For sure. Yeah. What do you want to say?

That's on you to like, you know, context clues here. But I was always dating men with more money and they were usually more successful than me. So I felt like I always had to play by their rules a little bit. Right. I went into this relationship with a different fucking attitude, because I didn't need this motherfucker's money or status.

I had my own fucking shit going on. Ladies, reminder, it's not about how much money you have, but it is about knowing you have your own fucking shit to the right. So if he swerves on the left, you're fucking good to go. Okay. You're not left in the desk, left in the desert, crying your eyes out with nothing to your fucking name.

Okay. But I didn't know that at the time. So I did cry and cry my eyes out. Valentine's Day rolls around. And so naturally he offers to fly me out to see him so that we can spend this very, very dumb romantic holiday together.

And we were going to have a romantic weekend. And what made it even more romantic was the fact that we couldn't leave the house that he was renting. And no, daddy gang, I know you're probably thinking, damn, Alex, we never took you for a romance gal. I can't believe it. You guys were just so into each other.

You missed each other so much. You missed that embrace of each other, the comfort, the company of each other. You couldn't bear leave the bed, let alone leave the house. Okay. You just wanted to fuck each other's brains out.

I'm here to say that wasn't actually the case at all. That's not why we didn't leave the home, daddy gang. It was as if I was on house arrest, more like. I couldn't leave the house and be out in public with him, because the real reason was the New York post times, the times would never report. The New York times wrote an article.

No, the New York post, page six had recently leaked that we were seen together at some party, making out potentially. And again, this breakup was so fucking nasty. You guys so bad that our families were dead, set against us. Never seeing each other again. Okay.

They despised each other. So we didn't want this little Valentine's day trip to get out. I don't think there's a bigger red flag than hiding a relationship from your friends and your family. It's definitely a thrill. Oh, we love the thrill of it, but that's a red flag, daddy gang.

So I get onto the plane and I arrive at the home that he rented for the two of us. And I got there with a plan. I really wanted to spice things up sexually, and really, I wanted to shock this man. Okay. Because by the end of our relationship, we had really gotten complacent and I wanted to start this new chapter off with a bang.

I really wanted to remind him what I was capable of. So it's Valentine's day night. We aren't leaving the house. He has roses and candles and balloons delivered. He has a chef come cook us dinner.

The vibes were flowing. Now the sex of mine was a stoner. And at the time, since we had broken up, my tolerance had fucking dipped. Like I take one hit of a bong. I'm going to be fucking litty titty out of my mind.

Big Al could not hang like she used to. So after dinner, he takes a bong rip and he takes multiple massive hits and he hands me the bong and I join right in. And pretty soon after we smoke, I'm straddling him on top of the couch. We are aggressively making out. It's like that feeling, you know, when you're just like, cannot get enough of each other.

Like everyone doesn't want us to be together. This is so hot. Bunny and Clyde, we're on the run. Ooh, we're not on the run. We actually can't leave the house.

I knew it was time to finally initiate my surprise. In my suitcase, I had brought with me the hottest red lingerie outfit that I could find online. I ordered it. And my plan was to slip away to the bathroom, put on this lingerie, come back, have his jaw, hit the floor, and then have the most incredible passionate sex ever. So I'm straddling him.

I push him down and I say, don't move. I'll be right back. I have a surprise for you. The moment I walked into the bathroom, it hit me. I was so fucking high out of my mind.

Now, Daddy Gang, when selecting this particular lingerie outfit, in my head, when I was scrolling online, I imagined that the 15 would really be spectacular. Okay. I'm like. the intricacy of this is it's Victoria secret, adjacent plus dominatrix. You know what I mean?

Like it's giving everything. The fact that I thought all 50, I am not fucking exaggerating, 50 clasps that needed to be hooked together. The fact that I thought I could do this fucking high, God bless. I'm so fucking confident. But now I've been in the bathroom for actually 15 minutes and I'm starting to get really insecure.

Is this the stupidest fucking idea ever? Like, is this lingerie even hot? Do I smell like BO right now? And I am not kidding you, Daddy Gang, I get to the point of tears. But then, by some miracle, I get the 50th clasp closed and I'm like, thank fucking God, let's fucking go.

I rush out of the bathroom, huffing and puffing, sweating, like here I am, to return to only see that I had left this man on the couch, just reminder, with a hard on. And when I made my way through the doorway and I enter the room, I can see this man had completely dozed off. You know, when you try to pretend like I wasn't asleep, I'm fine. I'm right here. I woke him from his slumber.

So I'm standing in the living room, fully dressed in this lingerie, but his face isn't, I will say, giving like the reaction I'm looking for, because he's high and he was just asleep. And I can tell he's trying to get back in the mood. He's trying to get back in the vibe. So I pick up his hands and I place them on my body. So I feel wanted.

You know what I mean? I'm like, if he won't touch me, because he's literally like this, like limp. And I'm like, taking his hands, I'm putting them on my body. Like, I will do anything to, I'm going to make a move on my fucking self. Then I decided the only way to ramp it up is to get some momentum.

And so I try to get some velocity. Like, we got to wake up. Here we go. And I try to switch positions with this man, to get his blood, honestly, pumping, to really get his heart rate back up. And we flip and we smash heads and it's game over.

Like, there is nothing worse when you clonk heads or any type of like awkward thing happens during sex. And we both basically are just like, it's done. It's done. Let's go to bed. All I'm thinking about is just getting this fucking lingerie off.

So I go into the bathroom, and I remove all 15 fucking pieces. I walk back out into the living room. And this man is fully asleep. I couldn't be more awake. Okay?

Absolute, pure humiliation, frustration, emotional exhaustion. And I was just, it was just all flowing through my fucking veins. And it's like 10 o'clock at night. Okay? There's not a chance.

I'm falling asleep anytime soon. And I'm scrolling aimlessly through my DMs on Instagram. And remember, this, at this point, Call Her. Daddy was alive and thriving. So my DMs were pretty lit.

I had all of you, all the daddy, gang up in my DMs.

And as I am scrolling through the DMs, I come across a profile picture that I am a little familiar with. Because this ex of mine, as many of them did, he hit balls by day. And he, you know, spun webs of lies by night. Okay? Cheating on me was this man's kryptonite.

So I didn't trust him in the past, right? I was in the know. Back when we were dating, if he was following a girl on Instagram, I was aware. I knew everything about her. And me having a photographic memory, being so fucking genius, I had every single girl that he followed, all their profile pictures, committed to memory.

You know? Kind of. Yeah, I did. Or I screenshotted all of them and I had an entire album about it. It's fine.

Whatever. Anyways, I recognize this girl's picture as someone that my ex has followed. And I decide to open her message. Because I'm like, why is a girl that he follows messaging me? I'm about to read you this DM, word for word, by this woman.

Where's my phone? Let's just call my ex Tom. Hi, it looks like you're at Tom's place in California. I know because I was there last week, visiting him, hooking up with him in his weird Christian gray bedroom. Maybe you're okay with him sleeping with other people, but he made it very clear to me that he wanted nothing to do with you.

So he's at least being dishonest to me. I'm not telling you this to upset you, but just so you are aware. She follows up and says, I'm also very mortified because we were making fun of all the odd naked photos in this house he was renting. And he told me that he wanted one of me. So I sent him a fucking framed one, jokingly for Valentine's Day, that just got delivered there today.

While you're there, perfect timing, lol. So if he hasn't already picked it up, can you please just dispose of the package? This is so embarrassing. Imagine me sitting on the couch and be like, what the fuck? And I'm staring at his fat head, sleeping, like what the fuck is going on?

Okay. Holy fucking shit. What a fucking nightcap to this already horrific, fucking Valentine's Day. So I read this girl's DM and I know immediately, oh, I fucking love this bitch. Okay.

We're ride or dies already. Okay. She's talking about being embarrassed in her DMs to me, sweetie, sweetie, don't worry. I got you covered. Okay.

You can't be more embarrassed than me. Okay. I'm sure. actually, at this point, he would actually fucking get hard to the side of your nude. Meanwhile, I just played with a soft little chubby for an hour.

No, but honestly, it made me feel a lot better. I'm not going to lie. I'm like, oh, we should be fucking friends. So I respond to her and I say this, I say, no, do not be embarrassed. Sorry.

I'm just seeing this now. heart. We know we are both seeing other people. You have nothing to be embarrassed about at all. I'm sure he got the pick and loved it.

Fire emoji. She then responds and says, thanks for being so cool about this. I'm still fuming. Tom and I matched on Raya last summer and we have been talking and hooking up ever since. I called him out on maybe still talking to you before.

And he made me feel crazy for even bringing you up. And he said, he literally wanted nothing to do with you and was quote, disgusted by you. So I'm just happy. My intuition is at least validated. I literally matched the staircase.

This is how crazy fucking girls are. I love us. I literally matched the staircase from your story to the picks of the house that he rented for spring training that he sent me. I'm sorry to drag you into this and good for you for being open with him, I guess, but I was V into him and wanted to be in a relationship with him. So thank God.

I'm finding out he's a douche now and not down the line, wasting more of my time. I'm sure you're a great girl. It just sucks. Tom thinks he can outsmart us. Winky face.

His dick is good, but like not that good to where he thinks he can have both of us on his roster. I'm like, babe, the dick didn't even get fucking hard. Okay. After reading this girl's message, I was moved. You know, if I were in her position, I would do literally anything to make sure this man did not have a fucking framed picture of my naked body.

after just absolutely realizing he was gaslighting me and lying straight to my face. He has no right to have the possession of that photo. He doesn't deserve this shit. And you know what? I was a little incentivized.

You know what I mean? Because fuck him for calling me disgusting. I sit there twiddling my thumbs and I'm like, what if he hadn't gone through his mail today and opened the nude? yet? What if this woman's nude was sitting 10 feet away from me, untouched?

And if that is the case, I realized this situation in so many ways could not be better for me. Number one, I realized I'm not alone in my embarrassment tonight. Shout out to my girl. We're in this together. Number two, I could be a hero tonight.

I could really turn things around and I could put this woman out of her misery by destroying the photo evidence of her naked body that was sent under the pretense that he was a respectful and deserving man. And under the guise that Alex Cooper was in no way, shape or form, involved in his life. Wish I wasn't, buddy, but I was fucking back. Okay. Number three, this is without a doubt the most beautifully convenient way to deflect from my lingerie fail and to turn the tables on this man.

He will be the one who is insecure. He will be the one pleading for forgiveness in the morning. He's going to wake up, hopefully, to me. gone, she gone, no nude, and a fuck ton of pissed off messages from this girl in my DMs. So I say, okay, strap up your boots.

Let's fucking go. I walk into the kitchen to where he has a pile of mail and packages sitting and I begin to piece through them one by one, praying to fucking God I can find this package. And I remember I pull out, it's like a thick, one of those like thick white manila envelopes. And I find the package and it has her name on the return address. I open it because she gave me permission.

I take out the frame photo. I quickly flip it on its back. You know, I want to be respectful. I don't want to see any nudes. How does this always fucking happen to me?

How do I find myself in situations where I'm constantly having to dodge other women's nudes? Like, does this happen to any of you guys constantly? Let me know. Anyways, nudes find me. So I take her photo out of the frame and I rip it fucking shreds and I dispose of the evidence.

Girl, I got you, bitch. Okay? You're safe with Papa. Don't worry. And then petty Alex enters the chat.

No man, no man will be suffocated within my labia and also say I'm disgusting to another woman. I fucking dare you, bitch. So I stare down at the empty frame and I take a post-it note. that's on his kitchen counter and I take a pen and I write on this little post-it note, happy V-Day, love Alex, and the girl's name. Let's say her name, is fucking Tiffany.

Okay? Heart, happy V-Day, love Alex and Tiffany. I put the post-it note in the frame. I put the frame back in the package. I toss it on the fucking counter.

I grab my suitcase and my 15 fucking piece set of lingerie, and I realize it's time to go and maybe he'll wake up in the morning. Maybe he will wake up and be like, was it all a dream? Like, did that actually happen? No, it didn't. You never saw me struggle.

You never saw me in lingerie. You never saw me. Okay? So I call an Uber and I head to the fucking Four Seasons, where I book myself a hotel for the night. I deserved it.

Okay? My dignity couldn't handle anything below five fucking stars. I put my paycheck down. I said, get me the nicest fucking room. And so I ended my Valentine's Day in a hotel room, alone with a bottle of wine, a pizza, and my vibrator.

So, Daddy Gang, if that is you right now, alone with a pizza, some wine, maybe some booze, a vibrator, some weed, let me just say, at least you didn't have to go through the journey that I did to realize that sometimes there is no better company than yourself. Something I also just want to put out for all my girls out there is like the amount of effort we sometimes go for men, they are so fucking lucky. And it makes me so sad for my younger self, even thinking of myself, like sitting and panicking in that bathroom, like, oh my God, like, I can't see it. Like, let him know that I'm struggling. Like, I want it to be this grand reveal.

The fact that I was even insecure at all with this man, like. I knew he wasn't the right guy. If roles were reversed and this ever fucking happened with Matt, I would come out cracking up being like, babe, you need to help me. I can't get this fucking thing on. We would laugh about it.

He would make me be like, oh my God, take it off. I don't even want it on you. Let's fuck. Like. you look so fucking hot.

Like. there's just a difference of like men, you should never feel fucking insecure with men, especially when you're fucking trying to do something for them. That's going to like spice it up and you're trying to be fun. Like it's all good intention. Why did I even feel insecure around this man?

Yeah. That was the first fucking step. as to like, he wasn't the one, or maybe the fact that he had cheated on me multiple times, but like, you know what I mean? Never let a man make you feel insecure. Okay.

We are the superior ones. So, daddy gang, pour yourself a glass of wine. Who's at the door? I think we have a special guest. One second.

Who could it be?

I'm so happy. You just randomly came over. What are you doing over here? I just, you know,

Let's go. Happy Valentine's day, guys. This was supposed to be a solo episode, but how can we deny when Harry Jossie shows up with a pizza and sparkly pants? It's so cool. Wait, why is everyone wearing?

I'm like, Oh, this could be kind of nice.

So?

I'm like, yeah, I'm trying the weddings coming up. So then Harry's like, okay, I'll just come by. Like, don't worry. Like, you don't even need to see me. And I'm like, I'll see you, Harry.

What's going on? Harry rolls up in his obnoxious Lambo. She thought I was dropping off candles. I thought it was going to be like candles or like, I don't know, like something just like little to be like, thanks for signing me. Like, great relationship.

Can't wait to do business together. Now you take it from there. Oh yeah. So I bought.

And I'm like, why? I was like,

She almost took them. She's like, I'll take them. I was like, Harry, what are you doing? I literally was like, Harry, Matt and I are trying to like advise you, like, save your money. No, spend it all.

Spend 110% of what you make. We literally signed Harry. And the next day he buys two LV bags and he got them engraved and everything. And it was literally your signing bonus. You just gave it right back to me.

So we'll post the picture, but it was so cute. So thank you for the gift. Does he even like it? He hates it. No, he loves it.

But I actually used his black one to travel to London. You did? Cause I think like the black one is like sleeker. If I want to be like, if I want to be showy, then I'll do like the classic. Okay.

I'll career-saving opportunity.

Wait, did you read the comments today? How people?

Fucking Angie. Like 10 comments every 30 seconds, something different. Something about.

Yeah. You guys don't know anything. No. And you don't need to, you don't have a network. And if you do, you didn't sign him.

I signed up. It's my network. I want Harry on the network. Fuck you.

It's Valentine's day. Edgy. Fuck it. DM me. Okay.

So.

Yeah. Fuck you. Fuck me. Yeah. But that's the point.

I don't need to be like coddled today. We need to help the people that are single, feeling like a tiny bit down today. Yeah. That's me. You're single, talking to what you're going to.

Like, I think that's the best way to go. Buy yourself chocolate. Like, fuck it. I'm gonna be hanging out my dog. I'm gonna be having a great day eating chocolate.

He's not allowed it because he'll die. But if you're gonna look, fuck everyone in a relationship.

Well, boyfriend material. I'm for everyone.

Only fans or YouTube videos? No, YouTube videos. Because there's like this sex expert. I was like, I'm curious, because now I gotta be talking about for my ladies. Yeah.

So I should probably know a lot more. And this lady was talking about like, you know, going down on a girl and like being a little bit more attentive. I was like, yeah, you know what? Girls actually aren't coming. I love that you're watching YouTube videos instead.

Oh, little bean. Little hooded bean. Wait, you know, what's so funny is today I was reminiscing, since we did just sign you. I was like looking through all of our old.

And I'm like, he's like, the branding was like really nice. I'm like, you know, I want to have some branding like that where everyone's like, everyone knows you as the ass eater. Yeah. I was like, you know what? This guy sucked my toes and he, my ass and then left.

So I did it two nights, or like after a couple of big nights out. And then this one night was with this famous girl. I went home. I ate her ass. I'm like,

I will tell you something about this person. If you tell me who the fuck Harry Josie, I'll fuck them. I'm like, why don't you actually just fuck him and he'll tell you. It was so crazy. Everyone wanted to know.

Yeah. I was getting like hounded. People thought it was, I think it's better that we never tell anyone. Yeah. Who's ass were you?

What did I do last time?

No one knows that. Only two people on the planet know that. Only two people on the planet know that.

I know I'll get so in trouble. This is, this is more insane than the last fucking episode. It was so bad. Well, no, it was, but like, I just don't know how many times have you hooked up with her? Never.

No, I just ate her off. It disappeared. Like Batman. If people heard that name, and I didn't believe it.

I don't know.

Are you serious? No, I feel like, I feel like, I feel like, what?

I'm a cat. Look at my bracelet. I got an orange car. Look at my sparkly pants. You wouldn't let this eat your ass.

Come on. Harry, I just feel like you guys are so,

Oh yeah. Actually they're not questions. They're stories. Okay. And these people are kind of writing in their horror stories.

It's so?

Okay. You're going to read one of these. It's basically a horror story to make all of our girls that are sitting at home, wanking it alone, feel better. This didn't happen to you. So be grateful.

You're like snuggled up under your comforter,

Let's go. Read this. Okay. Oh God. Do I have to read?

Okay. So I'd been seeing this guy for about a month and I was really into him. The sex was absolutely fire. He was so fucking hot and I was essentially just hoping and praying that one day we would actually date. So when I got a text from him on Valentine's day asking to hang out, I was super surprised.

I had no idea this guy felt the same about me. So naturally I went out and I bought a new outfit, got my nails done, got a blowout and texted just about everyone I knew to tell them I was about to have the Valentine's day of my dreams. On Valentine's day, he drove to my house to pick me up and there I was sitting in the passenger seat, absolutely feeling myself.

After years of horrible Valentine's days alone, it was finally my turn to have my romantic moment. He then proceeded to pull into a shopping center parking lot, which I thought was weird because there weren't any nice restaurants there. This man parks, the car, leans over, looks me in the eyes and says he has chlamydia and I should get tested. There was no date planned and he had no intention of hanging out with me. He just wanted to tell me in person that I probably had an STD and he gave it to me.

Really glad I got a blowout for this. Happy fucking Valentine's day.

Wow. That is so.

Yeah, just an anonymous text. Yeah, just a text. Just do that. Just text. What do we think about?

Like, all right, well, we got it, at least. Let's go. Yeah. Let's just give me what else? I'm really sorry about the chlamydia thing, but again, like I've always said, like, you need to take a pill.

Yeah. It's actually better than the cold. It's a fanny coat.

A little fanny coat.

A fanny coat? But, okay, but like he did it in person. So that's great. I just don't know though,

I don't know. I don't need to look at you right now. Text.

Are you ready for this? So it's Valentine's.

Okay. So it's Valentine's day. I'm hooking up with my boyfriend. at the time. The relationship wasn't great.

You know, the classic college toxic, but so far our Valentine's day was smooth sailing. We went out for a date and came back to hook up and have sex. Well, as he's fingering me, he pulls out something out of my vagina. We both freak out and then we realized what it is. He fucking pulled a used condom out of me.

Oh, I've heard about this. I'm sure you could imagine his surprise, because the two of us didn't even use condoms. Well, I forgot to mention I had drunkenly hooked up and cheated on my boyfriend a few days earlier with some guy I met at a frat party. I guess the condoms had gotten lost inside of me. And am I drunk and say, I had no idea.

So now here I am on Valentine's day, getting caught, cheating. And now also realizing I need to visit the doctor for a yeast infection. Karma's a bitch, right?

That happened to my friend. That's crazy. Really? They got caught cheating with a condom? What an oxymoron, right?

Is that what it's called?

No. And apparently there was like a condom in there that had been in there for like a week. Just like brewing. And he's like, I don't use condoms. Yeah.

But I'm also like,

Right. Like. it's so pure. It's like, I don't want to give my boyfriend an STD. So it's like you're being so loving and generous.

It's thoughtful. That's actually selfless. Yeah. Like, enjoy it a little less, just to really protect your partner. But the issue is how dare you be dumb enough to let it slip and slide inside?

Yeah. But why are you not fishing it out? Like, can you not feel it? Oh, I would feel that. I also.

just, my question is, are you that fucked up? Like, how do you not know? Like, where did the condom go? Where's little Willie?

Cause. that would also be like a thought. Like I just spunked in that fucking rubber and now it's swimming around in your guts. Like, are my kids, just like all, on a mission, like working together? We've got to get to the egg.

Is that what is going on? That would fucking throw me off. I've never been that drunk where I'm like, where did this go to? Harry, Harry, Harry, again,

If you're single, there's no condom in your life. Okay. You can raw dog yourself with your fingers or your dildo. Yeah. Spread that shit.

Okay. You're going to read this one. Oh fuck. Okay. Here you go.

Okay. I want to hear your.

So I already had a pit in my stomach. I checked and I couldn't find a single mutual friend with this girl. And for context, I'm not the type of person to have random sliding up in my DMS. So I respond with, Hey, do we know each other? To which she replies through your boyfriend, duh.

But I thought I would reach out myself to see how we vibe. I was so confused. How does she know my boyfriend? Is he cheating on me? If he's cheating on me, why does this girl want to know if we, as in me and her, vibe?

Well, after some desperate messages back and forth, I came to a realization that my boyfriend at the time was on Tinder and was supposedly looking for other girls to have a threesome with on Valentine's day, which I never agreed to. We actually never even discussed having one, but it gets better. In order to lure in the women, he would show them my nudes. When I confronted him about it, he had, of course, already deleted the app and all of the messages. So my Valentine's day ended up with me breaking up with my boyfriend and realizing my nudes had been sent around Tinder to God knows who, traumatizing to say the least.

Sue him.

The fact that girl's like, will we vibe? Like the ladies are into you. Dude, what a fucking psycho. Wait,

Yeah, just fuck her. Oh, you mean fuck her like sexually? Yeah, if you guys want to vibe. I thought you meant like fuck her,

And Matt. Oh, yeah, and Matt.

That's crazy. Dude, that is so fucked up. Imagine the day that you have to open your phone. There is nothing worse. I mean, I told the story earlier when I got a DM from a girl, like you, just know.

So maybe he was cheating on her and that's like a way to break the barrier. because like, oh, they see my Instagram. They see I've got a girlfriend, but if I'm like, oh, I'm having a threesome, come over, let me give it a test run. And then I'll see that fanny is good enough for my girls. Is this what we're calling vaginas now?

Fanny?

Harry!

Give me your fanny. Give me your fanny. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I'm going to stay out of my way. What about clunge or minge?

What? Clunge. A clunge is a vagina? Yeah, or minge. Minge?

Okay, because obviously it's Valentine's Day. I want to have a Valentine's Day story. I only had like a good one, and that was last year, whatever. Whatever, we don't like it. Anyway, when I was in high school, there was this girl, Stella, and we were all in scuba class together.

Is that a thing in Australia? Where I went to scuba. Rich bitch? Scuba? Scuba, yeah.

We live on the water. What are we going to do? We're going to study the coral.

Anyway, Stella was dating Ricardo. I had a big crush on Stella. He ends up leaving school. I become scuba captain. She becomes scuba vice captain.

I'd always be jealous because she would be at the back of the bus giving Ricardo little jerkies. I'm like, you know what? I want to be tugged on the way for a scuba trip. Anyway, we went scuba diving. We tried to have sex out of the water, which was weird, because I'm like, I want to be a freaky boy.

I want to say I fucked out of water, but we're in a wetsuit. It was just weird. You cut a little hole? Well, it's just hard to talk, because you got a big gas tank. She's like, what are you doing?

Why are you trying to get? Anyway. And did she ever fuck you? Yeah. So many times we ended up dating, but not underwater.

No. You were the scuba captain. What does that?

I'm picturing you on the beach. Are you good at swimming? I can't really picture you swimming.

No, out of swimming. Oh, you swim? Yeah. Because by the time you just stretch out your arms,

It is? It's an embarrassing story already. What if we just crop your head in the scuba outfit?

People were calling me that. at school. I used to get bullied about it. Wait, why?

Yeah. Wait, why would they make fun of you? Because who does scuba? All the other guys are doing track and playing rugby and surfing and doing cool stuff. And Harry's like...

Yeah, I'm like, guys, you want to come diving? There's coral. Like, oh my God. You want to see Nemo? You know what?

This is the story of when I found out my boyfriend was an absolute weirdo on Valentine's Day. For context, I was already on the verge of breaking up with him because he had a little shrimp dick. And I like to think long term and a long term relationship with a little baby shrimp is just not cutting it. Unless he knows how.

Does that make sense? Have you seen a sewing machine? No, no, no. You put the pedal all the way down. Yeah.

I see. I see where you're.

So it's Valentine's Day. I put my lingerie on under my dress. You know how it goes. He makes me come pick him up. We go to dinner somewhere that I picked.

Ew. And then I have to head over to his house. Now, I'm a freak. Okay. I like to have fun.

And we never ever have an issue with sex or anything like that. So we get back to his house and I start sucking his baby shrimp. And this motherfucker pulls out his phone. But I'm like, I'm a freak. Okay, that's fine.

Take all the videos that you want. I know I look fabulous, giving the gluck gluck. Well, he wasn't taking a video. He was watching one. I heard another fucking girl moaning.

And I legit almost bit off his dick. out of pure shock. I popped up, I grabbed his phone and I looked to see what he was watching. Now, I thought it was going to be just some random porn video, which again, not great, but I can work with it. Like, let's watch porn together.

It was a video of him having sex with his ex-girlfriend. Are you fucking kidding? Are you serious? I just want to be clear. These are real fucking stories that you guys wrote into.

That's crazy. I didn't make it seem like a gracious queen. I got dressed. I packed my shit, took my flowers, my spa gift card, and my dignity. I completely went ghost and I've never talked to him since.

Okay. What? Put yourself in her shoes. You are eating a girl out.

How long has it been? Like two days.

I love it. It's so nice. And this girl, she's just got such a nice fanny. Yeah. It's so lovely.

The fanny club. Okay, so fanny club. Yes. So yeah, instead of your roster, that's what you should call it. My fanny club.

No, that's.

. Yeah, I'll get them all shirts. No,

Then you hear a noise. You look up. She's watching a video. You think she's watching porn. You're okay with it.

And it's a video of her ex.

This is crazy. Like what the fuck are you doing? Ice bucket challenge.

. You're right. You're right. But I would just be like, hey.

Like, what is.

. What is going on here? Yeah, you miss him. You miss him and I'm down here doing the dirty work? Yeah, like I'm eating your arsehole on the 4th of July.

It's crazy. What's happening?

Like let's.

. The 4th of July. Let's call your mother and you got some questions. Let's go to therapy. I would be so confused, but I would honestly get up and I would just be like...

Look at the eyes. You looked at me like question mark, question mark. Oh my God.

Interesting. Okay. This is what I would do. I would message them, depending on the level of petty that I felt towards them. If you guys had been talking for a long time or I guess this girl in this case, it's her fucking boyfriend.

Valentine's Day with your boyfriend, I would literally.

. But then I don't want to give him the satisfaction. Then the ex would probably be happy that he's thinking of her. Oh yeah. That's tough.

Fuck his best friend. Fuck his best... It's the only option. Yeah. Right?

And take a video of it and then send it to him. The balls on that guy. No, no, no. Fuck his best friend. Take a video of it.

Next time he's fucking you, your boyfriend, start playing the video of you and the best friend. That's crazy. Holy shit. And you would do... Yeah, you can do that.

It just sucks, because in the moment you can't have the wherewithal to actually think that far. So, if this ever happens to anyone again, because clearly this is such a common thing. If your boyfriend is watching a video of him fucking his ex, you are going to stay calm. You're going to finish the job. if anything.

You're going to swallow like a champ. Yeah. And then you're going to go fuck his best friend later that day. Yeah. And then the next time you fuck your boyfriend, you're going to set it up and you're going to start watching it as he's fucking you from behind, so he can get a good view too.

And be like, this is my favorite one to watch. How about you? Merry fucking Christmas. That would be crazy. I'm just in shock at like, I knew the daddy gang had stories, but I didn't realize.

like this is awful. That's horrible.

And that is why Harry is coming out with his podcast, Boyfriend Material. I can't believe.

You guys, Harry and I.

We have Madeline Mondays, Harry Tuesdays,

Wednesdays, Earl Thursdays. Who's going to fill Friday's slot? Trillix. What? What?

Daddy gang,