Dick Appointment Disasters (ft. Athletes & Handcuffs) [VIDEO]

Oh, my dear, dear, dear, Daddy Gang. It is your founding father. Back at it again for another episode of Call Her Daddy. Daddy Gang, welcome. We are having tea today.

Tea, tea, tea. Together to celebrate nothing. It's just another Wednesday with me and you, Daddy Gang. If you're driving and you can't see me, oh, boy, you're missing out. Oh, darling, darling, darling, you might as well pull over because your father's in a special getup for you.

I always go above and beyond with my outfits on the show. Just kidding, I literally wear a fucking sweat pant. But today, hello, why am I dressed like this? You'll find out. Daddy Gang, your girl is glowing today.

And no, I am not pregnant, okay? I am floating. I feel happy. Oh, so happy. I feel happy and jolly and gay.

That is not the song. Anyways, Daddy Gang, why all the motherfucking cheer? Well, I am getting on a plane tomorrow to see Matthew. I have a dick appointment with my fiance. Matt's like, you have a fucking dick appointment?

Like, we're literally getting married. Yes, Matt. I'm coming to Matt because it's honestly looking like the Sahara Desert down there, Daddy Gang. My vibrators have all run out of juice. And instead of me going and buying more batteries, I bought a fucking plane ticket, and I'm very excited to go spend quality time with Matt.

I miss him so much. I mentioned this in my Sunday episode, but if you didn't tune in, he has essentially been gone for what feels like months. He is filming movies in London, Serbia, and South Africa. And I'm going to visit him in London. And what is funny to me about this whole process of getting on a plane and going to see a man is.

it kind of brings me back to my OG days, when I was finessing athletes, specifically, to buy me a flight so that I could show up, get my claws in them, and make them fall in love with me. A classic, a true classic, okay? Reminiscing on all of those trips, not all of them, but most of them, I feel like one way or another. when I got on a plane to visit a man, it usually ended in a fucking disaster, okay? And as I was driving here about to tell you a London story, I remembered one specific trip that I was so excited for, okay?

So we're going to go down a little story time journey today, Daddy Gang.

It was my junior year of college and a guy was flying me down to glamorous, gorgeous Port St. Lucie, Florida.

What the fuck is in Port St. Lucie, Florida? I'm sorry if you live there. It is where baseball teams have their spring training. Before they start the MLB season, they go down to Port St.

Lucie and they throw some balls and they catch some balls and they get their dick sucked, okay? Lucky me that I had to go to Florida. So the point of this trip at that point was I was talking to this guy, I have talked about him before on the show, and I was going there to really solidify me and this guy's relationship status. It was at that point where we had been FaceTiming every single day and he had asked me multiple times over FaceTime to be his girlfriend and I kept saying no, because I really ... One, I wanted to make him wait and two, I really wanted to do the deed in person.

So he got me a flight and I flew from Boston to Florida and let me tell you, when I got there, I really, really, truly felt like that bitch, okay? Being a broke college girl back then, it was nice to be flown first class and then land into a world of luxury and status and eight-figure paychecks. It started great, ended in disaster, here we go. So I remember this man invites me to go with him to his photo shoot while I was visiting and we went to this random baseball field and there were trailers set up everywhere and we get there and we go into his high-tech RV that's just allocated for him and I and he starts getting hair and makeup. I think of them brushing his hair.

I'm like, I don't know why that didn't turn me off. He's getting his hair and makeup and he steps out onto the field and he proceeds to start his muscle milk campaign.

Yes, I was fucking the face of muscle milk, daddy gang, okay? And it sounds so fucking cringe now, but at the time, I was peaking. It was like a flex. I'm not kidding you, I was sitting watching this photo shoot and I'm sitting on the little baseball benches and I am literally filming him on my phone, like BTS-ing him. I'm like, oh my god, that's so hot.

Oh, I get it. He has his hand on his head and he's like, hand on his thigh and he's taking pictures with muscle milk. and I'm mean girls, mom, BTS-ing it like so proud, I'm dating muscle milk man.

Anyways, it eventually gets way too fucking hot and I looked like a whore wearing heels and pants, and I was just so hot in Florida that I'm like, I'm going to head back to the RV. You guys finish the shoot here. So I head into the RV, I'm sitting there and I am reaping all the benefits. Again, I'm in college. Ramen noodle, well, I love ramen noodles, but like ramen, noodles is all I could afford to eat, right?

So I'm sitting there, I'm eating the snacks, I'm drinking all the drinks, I'm cranking the AC, I'm vibing to some Flo Rida. I'm like, what are the Flo Rida songs? Drop it low, get low, get low, wait, shorty got low, shorty, got low, oh, apple bottom jeans, oh, boots with the fur. and I'm just eating my cheez-its and grinding on myself like, yes, I'm living the fucking life. and then I hear vibrations and I realize someone's phone was left in this RV and their shit was popping the fuck off.

So I see his phone, it's sitting right there and it is the guy's phone that I'm talking to. and I'm like, oh my gosh, like good to go, like privacy, like leave it right there, walk out.

Daddy gang. Obviously fucking not. I'm like, I hit the mother load, like let's fucking go. This is literally any woman's wet dream. Maybe it's not yours, but it is mine.

A man's phone, unattended me by myself, with a man's phone. If I was a woman of God, I wouldn't go through his phone, but I'm not. In the moment, I could never walk away from this opportunity, daddy gang, and I don't know what woman could. Maybe if you're in a healthy relationship, but I wasn't. Because here's the thing and I want to really walk through why I couldn't walk away.

This man had been promising me, promising me, you're the only woman that I'm talking to. I love you. I want you to be my girlfriend, Alex. Like I have not been with anyone else since we started talking.

And I'm a lot of things, right? I can be a cunt. I can be obnoxious. I can be passive, aggressive, but I'm not a fucking idiot. You know?

Do you guys know the old ancient saying?

Thou, no.

Thou who doth protest too much. Hold on, I'm going to cry.

That's a saying. Thou who doth protest too much. In the scripture, they say, and I don't know if it's like the scripture, like the Bible or scripture like Shakespeare, but someone says, thou who doth protest too much. It basically means, if you are declaring your innocence too often, when you're not even being questioned about it, you're fucking lying. You're guilty.

Okay. Are you guys catching my drift? Stop telling me that you're not fucking anyone, because you're just making me think that you are fucking other people. I didn't ask you to not fuck other people. Sorry, my pearls.

These may be from Amazon or they may be a family heirloom.

I'm not saying that my purpose in going down to Port St. Lucie was to hack into this man's phone, but when the opportunity presented itself, who am I to deny the gods their will?

Anyways, so my first issue when I'm tackling this problem is how the fuck do I guess this motherfucker's password, right? That's always the first step. And this is where I will say it really comes in handy, dating a really dumb athlete. Here's what I recognized. One password you can assume and hope, fingers crossed, will be all of his passwords.

I had asked this man the day before, while he was at training, what his Netflix password was. I'm texting him. I'm like, I'm really bored. I want to try to binge some Grey's Anatomy. And he proceeds to text me his password.

It's his name, his baseball number, and his age. That is his password. So I'm like, okay, process of elimination, ladies. His iPhone password is four numbers. So I just take a guess, a wild guess, and I insert four numbers from his Netflix password.

Again, it's his baseball number and his age. Two public information things. I could have also find my fucking self. And what do you know? We're in, bitches.

There's also something I just realized, as I was telling you guys this. How genius.

Ask a man for a non-threatening password that could potentially lead you to the motherlode, right? Ask him for his Netflix password. There's got to be some type of through line. Ask him for his Hulu. In the same breath, ask him for his fucking bank account.

You know what I mean? Like, just kidding. Maybe not. If he's rich, go for it. Why not?

Give it a try. They're that fucking dumb. Sometimes they just roll the dice. Oh, you were trying to get your Uber. My Uber Eats isn't working.

Can I have your credit card information? Because your bitch is hungry and there's nothing in this fucking house but muscle milk.

He did give me his bank information once, but I never did anything with it.

Ben fact, when we broke up, he's like, I'm going through all my bank statements. I'm like, bitch, I'm onto the next bank account. I don't need yours. And your career again is over. Like, we don't need to run you dry.

So here I was with this fucking idiot and I have full, unrestricted access to his phone. I have gone through a man's phone a handful of times in my life. Also, spare me the fucking judgment, okay? That is not the point of this story. Every time I have ever gone through a man's phone, I can barely breathe.

I'm sweating. I'm anxious. I'm looking over my shoulder. I'm like standing in a stance so that God forbid, if he does walk in, I can fling myself out the window. Like there's always an escape plan, right?

But on this day, I was the luckiest girl in the world. Daddy gang. I was standing in this RV by myself and when I looked out the window, I had a full visual on this man. I knew exactly where he was and I knew exactly how much time I had if he started walking back to the trailer. I was a fucking pig in shit.

Like, imagine yourself holding the man's phone and you see him 500 yards away doing a muscle milk pose. Like I had time. I don't know if I've ever felt a thrill like that since that day. God damn. So here's what I do.

I immediately go to the text messages and I'm scrolling, and this is really where the fucking story begins. I start going through the text messages and turns out he's not a man of God. He's a fucking philanderer.

He is a philanderer and you know, I thought maybe I would find something, right? Like you always think like there's going to be a little something, but Jesus, fucking Christ, this man was single-handedly running a brothel down in Port St. Lucie. I need to relax. This guy is texting so many women, classic, okay?

And so I just start going through everything and I'm finding nudes and I'm finding sex and everything that I could have dreamt up. And then I come across one of the most recent texts, and he doesn't have this woman's name saved. It is just saved. It's just a phone number, right? But I scroll and I see the beginning of their text messages and it's a text message from him saying, and I quote, you can go in the front door.

It's unlocked. My bedroom is the one on the left. I'll be home in 20.. And she says, KK, see you soon. Obviously, they're not meeting for a fucking prayer group, daddy gang, okay?

It, obviously they had sex. Like. he didn't even say her name. Like, hi, how are you? It's like, it's the door on the left.

I'll be home in 20.

. So the wheels start turning immediately. And in my brain, I'm like, okay, it appears this was the last woman that he had sex with. Obviously, the nudes are one thing, but this is, I kind of have proof of sexual intercourse. No, I don't.

But like, I'm, like, I kind of do. Like the door on the left, what is she? Like giving him a little fucking jerk tug. Okay. That's still sexual something, right?

This is the week before I arrived. I'm sitting there in this trailer on a Saturday. This was last Saturday, according to the receipts. So I realized as many other women as he was texting and sending his wiener to, this woman was my best chance of cornering him and catching him in the lie that he hasn't been having sex with anyone but me for months. So I realized I need to quickly gather as much information as possible in the time that he's not in this RV.

Okay. In these messages, not once, like I said, did he use this woman's name, and there's no saved contact, but I have a phone number. I pick up my phone. I star six, seven, her number. Thank fucking God, she doesn't answer.

It goes to voicemail. Boom. Alas, I have her name. Let's call her Kaylee. She's like, Hey, it's Kaylee Gonzalez.

Leave your message at the beep. Beep. I'm like, beep. Fuck. Jesus Christ.

Kaylee. We love Kaylee. Kaylee did nothing wrong to me. Okay. But now I have her name.

Then I start scrolling the messages to search for more clues, and I was respectful. I'm like quickly scrolling past her nudes. I'm like, Oh, you got great tits. Don't, don't look. Don't look.

And then I find one clothed picture, and it is a selfie that she sent him from work.

Kaylee was a bartender. Okay. I am, I immediately got, I'm realizing, as I'm saying this, like maybe some of you didn't listen to the earlier episode of Call Her Daddy. Like I used to be crazy. So I just want to put that out there.

so there's no judgment. Yes, I was insane, but it was all in good fun. I immediately get on my phone and I go on Google and I searched all the Port St. Lucie bars in a 10 mile radius of his house. I narrowed it down to seven contenders.

They all looked basically the same. when I Google searched, like the images of like what the bar looked like. So I went one by one individually and called every single bar and asked them a simple question. Hi, I'm really good friends with Kaylee. I wanted to come in tonight.

Could we make a res for four tonight? Is she working? And every single bar was like, sorry, what? Like Kaylee doesn't work here.

Except for one.

Except for one. Boom. We got her name. We got the bar that she works at. That is enough information for me to concoct a brilliantly insane story, to confront him about his lies.

I look out the window. I see him and the crew packing up, putting the muscle milk in the bag. They finished the photo shoot. And so I quickly go, okay, it gets crazier. I quickly go one by one and I take a photo from my phone, of his phone, of every single contact info, of every single girl he was talking to that month.

So that in the future, if I did decide to date this man, if he ever tried to be shady and change the contact name of like, change Maria Cooper to Mark Connelly, I could reference the phone number. Oh, my God. Guys, this relationship was thriving from the start. We weren't even dating yet, but that way I had ammunition. Okay.

So he comes back to the RV and it's game time. We head home and I'm in the car with him and I'm acting sad, a little sad, not too sad, but I'm acting quiet. And if you know me, I never shut the fuck up. So he's immediately like, what's wrong? Like you're acting so weird.

And I just say nothing. Like I'm fine.

Any man, if you haven't figured out what that means yet, do better. That's probably why you don't have a girlfriend. When she says nothing, I'm fine. She's literally about to blow up the world. Okay.

Pull over and have a decent conversation with her. But this idiot, he's like, oh, like, okay, okay. Hours go by and he finally confronts me. I remember actually he went into the bathroom. It was like, he was like prepping himself for the conversation.

I'm sitting on the bed. He's in the bathroom. He comes out of the bathroom, like ready to fucking confront me. And I'm like, Jesus Christ. And he's like, Alex, something is off.

You're acting strange. Please just tell me, did I do something wrong?

So here on, Call Her Daddy, in the past, I have taught you how to finesse fuckboys, how to fuck with fuckboys. And the number one rule of how to fuck with a fuckboy is to genuinely show them that you don't care. Make them seem like the ones that care more, right? Like? you don't care.

I don't care. And so I look at this man when he confronts me and I say, okay, listen, I didn't really want to bring this up, honestly, because it's none of my business. I don't really care. We're not dating. And as much as you constantly are telling me, like, you're not sleeping with other people, I never fucking asked you to do that.

And, like I said, it's none of my business. But, annoyingly, I've said this from the beginning when we started talking, I find out everything. Like, I don't even look for this shit. It just fucking comes to me and it always comes back to me. I've got a lot of friends in a lot of places.

And so, while I was sitting at your muscle milk shoot, I get a text from my friend at BU saying that one of her friends lives in Port St. Lucie, was getting fucked up and hammered at a bar the other night. And the bartender she overheard, was like, she's fucking you. And she told my friend this because she knows we're basically dating. Like, there's literally pictures of us online.

Like, people kind of see us together. So I'm going to ask you a question. And I just want you to be honest with me. When was the last time that you had sex with another woman?

And he obviously looks fucking petrified. Like, he's caught. But like, and also what was so brilliant is like, he doesn't have time to completely connect the dots that this story is absolutely fucking insane. I have a friend from BU that's friend with someone in Port St. Lucie that met the bartender.

Like, what the fuck? But he's just so put on the spot. And he immediately just tries to go into dial mode. And he's like, you're the last person. Like, I'm telling you the truth.

Like, I haven't, I haven't, I haven't slept with anyone in months, Alex. Like, I promise. Like, I want you to be my girlfriend. I love you. Like, I've told you, I love you.

I promise you. I want blah, blah, blah. And I proceed to laugh in this man's face. And I'm like, okay, we weren't dating. If you did, I don't care.

I just want you to be honest with me. So let's try this again. Here we go. Did you have sex with Kaylee, the bartender?

from Floundry Fish last Saturday? Forget what the bar was called. Or is my friend just making all of this up and she just got this information out of thin air? Meanwhile, yes. Yes.

There is no friend in BU. I literally got this information from his fucking phone. There is no friend. And he just looks at me and he breaks down. And he's like, yes.

Like, I'm sorry. Like, I did sleep with her. Like, she DM'd me. I met her on Instagram. I was, I missed you.

Like, blah, blah, blah.

It's brilliant.

It's absolutely, it's brilliant work. It's brilliant work by me, because I never had to admit that I was in the wrong. I never had to admit that I went through this man's phone. Because if I did, that cancels everything out. We know this.

Then I'm in the wrong for invading his privacy. But no, I didn't. I just know people. A girl in BU knows a girl in Bord's, Lucy, that knows the bartender that was bragging about you. I'm well connected, baby.

It's really crazy. It's really, really, we can laugh about it now, but maybe back then it wasn't, it wasn't, it was a little much. Anyways, so after that, what ended up happening? after that, you may wonder, we ended up dating. And not only just dating, like a couple months later, like I left Port St.

Lucie that weekend as a girlfriend. Yeah. So being broke can really do that shit to you. You know? I was like, oh my God, you've been basically talking to 40-ish women that I've seen on your phone?

Amazing. I love you so much. Let's date. Because it's not about you fucking other people. It's about honesty.

So you know, I will say this, you know, in reflection, trying to figure out what the lesson is here. Because we always try to find a lesson, daddy gang. And it can be go through their phone. But why not? You know?

Especially, this is what I would say. If you are talking to a fuck boy, go through their phone, do the deed, be crazy. Like, it doesn't matter. If you're trying to be in the healthy stage of your life, obviously don't do this. But you know, you can take a couple tips of mine and go down that road if you're still at that phase in your life.

But I would say the moral of the story is, just because a guy buys you a flight, it does not mean shit. It doesn't mean you're special. It doesn't mean he wants to seriously date you or that he's in love with you or that he's a changed man. Some guys give out plane tickets like they give out chlamydia, babe. Okay?

So, I would know. So, daddy gang, let's not get fooled by the flights and the trips. Let's not start to date somebody. also immediately after you find out that they have been fucking 10 to 44.. That's a big range.

10 to 44.

. I'm trying to make it sound less bad. 40 other people, you know? Not even if they're flying you first class. And especially, daddy gang, if he dare put you in a middle seat, let me be so clear, if he puts you in a middle seat, you're one of two coming out that weekend.

Okay? You will be walking in and she's walking out and you're slapping hands on the rotation. Road beef central. Okay? So, if you have gotten on a plane to go see a man full of hopes and aspirations and dreams and gotten on the return flight ugly, crying or with a pit in your stomach, I see you, I stand with you, and I was you.

The point of this is I have so many stories that ended in disaster when I got on a plane and I thought I was going to have the weekend of my life. And, you know, there's always a silver lining. Hey, it could be worse. You could come home crying, you know, with an STD, aka, when, you know, I went to visit a man in Paris, but that is another story for another time. The reason I think I haven't told that story, let's pause for two seconds.

Oh, gee, daddy gang knows. There's something that happened in Paris that traumatized me. Not really, but kind of. Well, I came home with an STD, so that's enough to say it. What I will say is I think I've like dissociated from that trip so much that I will sit down at one point and pen to paper it so I can sit here and actually tell the Paris story one day.

But I've already kind of told you a little bit about that. So, woo. Anyways, Misery Loves Company, so, you know, please write in. I feel like it could be fun for you guys to just write in stories from when you went to visit a guy, and it actually went horribly, horribly wrong. But that is not the energy that we're bringing to London tomorrow.

We love a wraparound. Okay, back to the beginning of this episode and why I'm in this Bridgerton-esque dress. London is really where Matt and I fell in love and we're getting married soon, so I'm just excited to go visit him. But I will say, in the spirit of this being a storytime episode, as I think about it, it brings me back to the first time that I flew out to London to see Matt. And that trip to London was darker and more fucked up than any of the times I went to go see any athlete, even more fucked up than the time that I came home from Paris with an STD.

You're like, um, what the fuck happened?

It was about three years ago and Matt and I had just started dating and shit hit the fan so badly on this trip, Daddy Gang, that I truly thought it could have been the end of me and Matt's relationship. And I told this story over three years ago when it happened, but it was still so fresh and traumatic and I didn't fully give you all of the details. It also wasn't even a video episode. It was so long ago. And I also assume that there's also many of you who have never heard this story before.

So let's take a trip back to London, December 2020, when I thought that Matt was going to leave me because of the situation I had put us in. Here we fucking go.

Okay, guys, I had to take off that outfit because I could not take myself seriously telling this story in that outfit. So, okay, here we go. In case you need a reminder. to set the scene, December of 2020 was full swing, COVID, social distancing, mandatory masks, all of that. And once again, Matt was spending an entire month in London filming a movie.

And during that time, I was living in New York City and basically losing my mind, trying to make content in a pandemic. And I was also just trying to figure out like it was kind of the early days of Matt and my relationship. I'm pretty sure we had like maybe just started to talk about making it official. But I was just trying to figure out like how serious is this relationship with Matt, which was definitely difficult to do solely on FaceTime with a six hour time difference. So eventually, Matt invited me to go to London and spend time with him.

And I said yes, I would go for the first two weeks of December. And that is what the trip was supposed to initially be, two weeks, but it ended up turning into a full month. Why did it turn into a full month? Matt's filming got extended and Matt wasn't able to leave London. And we were just like truly honestly falling in love at that point and having the best time, even though it was COVID and there were so many different protocols and we couldn't really like go out to that many bars or restaurants.

Like. I think it was the beginning of how we really knew we were each other's person, because we were basically just sitting in hotel rooms by ourselves, drinking whiskey, eating food, playing cards and hanging out. Like we had no social interaction other than each other. And we were like, we love this. This is a great sign.

So I said I would stay with him so he didn't have to spend Christmas alone. Yes, I'm aware he's Jewish, but it was fucking romantic. Okay. And so three weeks of absolute bliss in London go by. And then it's the night before Christmas Eve and I am sitting alone in our hotel room on Zoom with my therapist.

And we were having one of those sessions that is heavy. Like. somehow we just got into the topic of childhood trauma and I'm like, oh, okay, fuck. Here we fucking go. Like.

it was literally like I didn't even want to do therapy. Those are the worst ones where you're like, I don't even want to do my therapy session. And then you're like sobbing and you're like, oh, fuck, this is deep. And I think why I was also going so deep in therapy, if I'm also remembering, is like. I was also really trying to understand myself so that I could show up to this relationship and be a better person, and do it right from the beginning with Matt.

Because, as you just saw earlier in this episode and this story, there was just a little bit of toxicity going on in my life. Okay. And I did not want that with Matt. I could tell he wasn't someone that was going to play games. I could tell he wasn't someone that was going to be shady.

And so I wanted to reciprocate that. So I vividly remember. I'm almost about to cry on this session because we were having a breakthrough. And then all of a sudden my phone starts to ring and I look at it and I see that it's Matt calling me and I immediately press decline. But I'm also confused.

Matt had gone down to the hotel lobby bar to give me some privacy for this therapy session and he knew I was in therapy. So I'm like, why would he, he knows, why was he calling? And then he calls me again. I decline it. And then he calls me again.

And then it immediately hits me. Okay. Something's wrong. So I say to my therapist, I am sorry. Give me one second.

Matt would not be calling unless there was, I guess, an emergency or a problem. So I answered the phone already a little spooked. And Matt proceeds to say, do not move. The police are in the lobby and they're here for you.

Okay. So now you're all probably wondering why the fuck are the police there for you, Alex? And what the fuck is going on? There is never a dull moment on. Call Her, Daddy.

Welcome to my life, bitches. Okay. How exactly did we get here? We are going to rewind a bit because there is a lot of information I need to just quickly fill you in on before I get to why the police are there. So, during COVID, England had established a tier system.

I also completely understand that you guys do not want to relive COVID, but trust me, this point is very important to the story. So the lower tier, the less severe the area had been hit with COVID. And the rule was that you could not travel from a higher tier to a lower tier because of the worry that you could be transmitting COVID to an area that hadn't been already affected that badly. For example, you couldn't travel from an area that was classified as a tier four to an area that was classified as a tier three. Okay.

We got that. This is important. Okay. So, once Matt and I realized we would be in London for the entire month and specifically for Christmas time, we wanted to go to the countryside of England for Christmas and go there before the tier in London was raised and we were just stuck in the city in a small hotel. We wanted to get out to the countryside.

Since we were spending, again, Christmas together alone, we wanted to just lean in and make it romantic. And Matt found a hotel in the countryside that was essentially all of these little cottages. And it was so charming and beautiful. And it literally looked like a fucking Hallmark movie. I felt like Cameron Diaz in The Holiday and that's goals.

So I was like, here we go. This is the shit. And this hotel that we booked took COVID very seriously, as they should. So for days leading up to our arrival, Matt and I had to submit daily COVID tests, prove that we had been quarantining, and also submit official documentation that we weren't breaking the tier system, which also was great because we already were having to do that for Matt's movie set and stuff. So we were like, oh, this is great.

We've already been doing this. And let me set the scene of this hotel for you even more, Daddyking, just to really put you in my head, okay? Matt was fully in his courting era. at this point in life. He was impressing me and this was objectively the nicest hotel that I have ever been to in my life.

Also, reminder, I didn't have that Spotify money yet. I was still living on that Barstool paycheck, okay? So it only went so far. So Matt was paying for everything is the point. And everywhere we went, he really was wining and dining me, and it was so sweet.

At this hotel, you didn't have a hotel room. Like I said, you got this cottage, you had multiple floors, a fireplace, one of those huge bathtubs that can fit 15 people. Is that a thing? They had a Christmas tree up for us and there were maybe up to 12 couples staying there. It was bouge city and it was exclusive and I was living for it, okay?

So here we go. The scene has been set. Now we are at the night before Christmas Eve and Matt and I were putting on our sweaters, getting all cozied up, to go down to the lobby bar to have an old fashioned before our Michelin star dinner that he had booked us. And we're walking down the steps of the cottage and all of a sudden I get an alarm on my phone and it says therapy. And I'm like, oh my fuck.

I had put on alarms for therapy specifically for London, because I was like, I keep fucking missing therapy. It's at night. now. We're six hours ahead, all this shit. And I'm like, I can't miss another session.

You go have a drink, Matt. I will come meet you at the bar when I'm finished. So I rushed back up to our room. My computer is dead. I take out my phone and I'm just log on to zoom and I start the therapy session that I started the story with.

Here's where we left off, daddy gang, okay? I am mid cry with my therapist and Matt is blowing up my phone. I finally answer my phone. Matt says, did you see your text messages? Look at your phone right now.

I look, I see he texted me. The police are here. Do not move. And in that first second moment, I'm like, what the fuck is going on? Like, okay.

Like, is there drama? Like, is someone hurt? Is there fire? Like Matt, come back to the room. Like I was like, I wonder what's going on.

Why would the police be at this hotel? Not thinking at all. Maybe they're there for you, Alex. And then he finally goes, Alex, you're not understanding. The police are here for you.

Now, in that moment, I'm shaking. I'm scared. I don't understand what's going on. I'm in a foreign country. I'm not in the United States.

All I know is I'm about to be potentially arrested and I have no fucking idea why. And on top of that, I will say, I remember, like Matt is one of the most calm, like even keel people. when there's like drama going on. He like, if something happens, he can just be like, we're fine. I'll handle it.

And I had never heard his voice like this before. You could tell he was anxious. So that made it even fucking worse. I was petrified sitting in this room alone. So I say to Matt, okay, what the fuck should I do?

Should I come downstairs? And he said, no, the police left, but they're coming back in an hour and they want to speak to you. I'm coming upstairs. Don't move. I'll be back and I'll explain everything.

And he hangs up on me. So the call cancels out and my Zoom app pops back up and my therapist is like, is everything okay, Alex? And I'm like, you know what? We're going to have to wrap this one up. Hope you are available next week for a double, unless I'm obviously in jail.

And she looks at me, and it's such a classic therapist thing. Like therapists are there for you until the 50 minute mark hits. And then they're like, Oh, well, gotta go. Like, I'm like, I just mentioned jail. And she like, doesn't give a fuck.

She's like on my way out. We'll talk next week, for sure. We'll schedule a double. She's like, I don't get fucking paid for this bitch. Okay.

She's like, good luck.

That didn't help. So finally Matt walks into the room and I just go into spiral mode. I'm like, what the fuck happened? Like, tell me everything. And he says, he was sitting at the bar and the manager came over to him and taps him on the shoulder and said, Mr.

Kaplan, the police are here for you in the lobby.

Matt goes to the lobby and there are two police officers, a woman and a man, standing there. And they asked Matt to step outside and they proceed to question him. And they ask him, sir, are you here alone? And Matt's like an asshole. And he's like, yeah, I'm here alone.

He's like, I knew in that moment, Alex, they weren't here for me. Okay. And he's like, yeah, I'm here alone. And they were like, sir, are you staying here alone? And he's like, no, I am not staying here alone.

I'm staying here with someone. And they said, are you here with Alex Cooper? And he says, yes. And they say, where is she? And Matt says, she's on the property.

Is something wrong? And then the manager steps in, who was visibly uncomfortable that the vibe of this lobby was like, just seriously being thrown off. Okay. There's like some rich ass people in here being bougie, being like, why the fuck are the police here? And like, just giving the manager like the ick face.

And he's freaking out because the place wasn't even filled to max capacity, because people during COVID weren't like, there was a whole thing. So this manager's freaking the fuck out. Like, why are there police here? And the manager was like, unless you're arresting someone, can we just please take this outside and maybe like handle this so the guests don't freak out. And the police look at Matt and they say, this is a serious matter.

We have another call in the area that we have to report to, but we're going to come back in an hour and she needs to be here in the lobby. And at this point, Matt told me he was like, okay, but can you give me something? Like, what did she do? Matt's probably like, is this bitch that insane? Like, what the fuck am I getting myself into?

And they just kept it vague. And they said, we have gotten an exorbitant amount of reports filed claiming that she has broken the law.

And they get back in their car and they leave.

Now, daddy gang, if you're new here and you don't already know this story, this is where it gets really, really, really, really fucking dark and strange. Okay.

When Matt comes up and sits me down, he says, do you have any idea what they're talking about? Like, what do they mean? you broke the law? Like, why would the police be here for you, Alex? And I'm like, at first I genuinely like, I have no idea.

I'm just as clueless of you. And I remember just pausing and I get this overwhelming, sick feeling that comes over me because I think I may actually have an idea what they're talking about.

A few weeks prior, as I was sitting in London one night, I was going through my DMs and I see a DM from a daddy gang member. One of you watching this. Okay. Shout out. if it was you.

I should have found her and brought her on and interviewed her. And I remember opening this DM and the person is giving me basically a heads up, saying something like, Hey Alex, I wanted to share this with you. There is a pretty concerning online post that's going around that I think you should know about. I click on the link that she sent me. And what do you know?

It brings me to Reddit.

There is a Reddit thread that was created out of pure hatred of me. And the subject line of this feed says something along the lines of, sign this petition. Let's make sure that Alex cannot get back in to the United States.

Crafty. I'll give that to them. Very, very crafty. And I remember, I think I had a couple of drinks that night. So I was like.

reading this shit. And I remember barely thinking anything of it at the time. I remember being confused when I saw it, but also just not thinking much of it, because it's Reddit. You know what I mean? I remember one of the last things before that someone had sent me was a free Henry feed that they had made.

And it's because they're convinced Henry's getting abused. And I'm like, trust me, Henry lives better than all of us combined. Okay. He's doing just fine. But just to give you guys context of why I didn't act on it, in everything I'd ever seen on Reddit.

I mean, you just don't think twice about it, because you get this shit every day and it's fucking insane. And it's also my life. And I feel like that's just like, I got super used to it, where I'm like, ah, get me out of the country. Get Henry repossessed by PETA, like classic every Monday, you know? So in this moment, I need to try to figure out how to, first of all, just articulate this to Matt.

You know what I mean? Like, this is my normal, but it ain't his normal. Now I know this wasn't just a dumb, harmless post. So I opened Reddit triggering, and on that forum, there was still a link where people could go and click and report me to the London police. And they were claiming that I was breaking COVID protocol.

And I remember just sitting on the bed with Matt. And when I find the post, I'm like, oh my God. Okay. Yeah. I know why we're here.

And I proceed to explain the entire thing to him, because Matt had no concept of how crazy the internet can be. He doesn't use social media. So I had to look Matt in the eyes and say, okay, just picture this with a new partner, that there is a fucking petition for me to not get back into the United fucking States of America. And there are currently thousands of people who hate me so much and are doing everything in their power to get me arrested. Yeah.

So Matt really struggled to like wrap his brain around that one for a second. And I had to just keep walking him through, like, I remember trying to explain Reddit troll culture to him. and I'm like, it's okay. Like hate, views are views. And he was just like perplexed.

And still to this day, when he tells this story, he's like, Reddit is the wildest thing in the world. Like he, he's like, these people are insane. And I'm like, no, no, no, this is normal, Matt. Like I'm like, B, this is normal. He's like, they're freaks.

I'm like, this is so normal. So Matt, like the amazing man he is in that moment, though, I will say, is like, listen, they're coming back in an hour. for you, the police, from what you're explaining to me, like these people, are just fucking insane. Like, let's go fucking, enjoy our night. If this is all, this is based on breaking protocol of COVID, we know that we didn't, we have submitted multiple COVID tests.

They have our flight information. They know we both quarantine. We left London before it turned tier four. Like this hotel is so fucking strict. We wouldn't be here unless we submitted all the correct documents.

Like, fuck these people. Let's go. And I'm like, Oh, thank God. Cause, I would have been spiraling. I would have been like writing in the Reddit thread.

Like, Hey guys, it's Alex. It's actually happening. The police are here. Can you guys maybe retract the forum? Like, I know you guys like to troll me, but this is actually real.

The police are here.

They probably would have been like, stick it, bitch. Go, fuck yourself. Rot behind bars. Great for content. So we go down to the lobby bar and there's no sign of the police.

More than an hour has gone by and Matt starts to get genuinely so fucking annoyed. Again, guys, he's in his courting era. He made us this dinner reservation at the Michelin star restaurant on the property. It was getting late. We were starving and we talked to the manager and he was like, Oh, I was about to do a wee wee.

Where are we? London. Um, go eat. What? Go, eat.

Go, eat. Go, go, eat. Enjoy your meal. I just go with it. I, my brain is not working.

Go, eat. Enjoy your meal. We all know you didn't break the law. Have a nice night. They're probably not coming back.

This man says, this man, again, at that point, like they were like, thank God, these people are even paying for a night to stay here. Like, no, it's a ghost land. And we're like, thank you, sir. What is this accent? So Matt and I head in and it's a seven course meal and we are on our fourth course.

I am like, I'm fucking thriving. I've had 15 old fashions at this point. And what do you guys think happens? Our waiter comes over and says, Miss Cooper, we were not in France. No, Miss Cooper.

That's a, Miss Cooper. That's a Texas accent. Wait. Oh, chip to you. Yes.

Oh, my God. It's hard when you, okay. Miss Cooper, Mr. Kaplan, the police are here and they're asking for you. It sounds so much nicer when they say it.

An American bitch, the police are outside. You, fucking whore. What'd you do? You psycho. Anyways, they made it sound so lovely.

And I'm not going to lie. When they came over and told us the police were back. at this point, like I said, we had had cocktails and the whole dinner, we had just been talking about what was going on. Even the staff was joining in on the conversation. Like all the waiters ended up knowing about it.

They were laughing. I'm like, what if I was like a fucking psychopath? Like, it's not that funny. Um, but we were having fun. And so Matt was like, they're back.

Let's fucking go. We have nothing to worry about. And I will say, thank God, I did also like, as funny as it is, thank God I did have time to process it, because Reddit or not, like it, was very scary to have police in a foreign country coming for you. And like, not exactly knowing if I like, did I do something? Like, what did I do wrong?

Like, even if you didn't do something wrong, we see horror stories. Like, even if I didn't do something wrong, maybe they're taking me in for that. Like, I didn't know what was going to happen. So I'm glad I got to process it and kind of walk through with Matt, like what they were probably going to ask me. And also like how to explain this to them.

Okay. Cause this is insane. So we get to the lobby and I'm super respectful and I'm like, hi, I'm, Alex. Like what is going on? And the police were like, we have received an exorbitant amount of people contacting us that you have broken the tier system.

And we have hundreds of reports, even within the last hour. And we're trying to understand why this many people are flooding in and reporting you, because, based off of what your partner is claiming and what the hotel has since proven to us with the documentation, is that no law was broken. So you can imagine why we are confused. Miss Cooper.

I'm not going to lie. This may have been one of the most iconic moments of my life. Are you ready for this? I look at the two police officers in front of me and I say, can I ask you a question?

Have you ever heard of Reddit?

I am not fucking kidding you, daddy gang. I literally looked the police in the eyes and said to the man and woman, have you heard of Reddit? And the male officer looks at me and he goes, no. And I'm like, all right, sir, stay with me for a minute here. Okay.

I understand, you're frustrated and you're very confused, and this is taking up a lot of your time tonight, and I am so sorry, but I have a show. It is a podcast. So I have some sort of a public platform, and on that public platform, I have people who I think like me and I have people who hate me, and there is currently a forum on the internet right now where some of those very persistent and dedicated haters are actively still signing a petition to try to make sure that I am arrested and that I cannot go back to the United States because they think that I'm not allowed to be here because of the tier system, which just clearly isn't the case. You've seen all my documentation. So yeah, you guys, their faces are this.

Just picture this.

And I'm like, so yeah,

you know, they're always going to make something out of nothing. It's purely based in hatred. I'm really sorry about this wasting your time.

When I finished this statement, Daddy Gang, the police officers and the manager of the hotel even, they are looking at me like I have 19 fucking heads. They're like, sorry, excuse me. They're whispering to each other like, what does that mean? Like, what is it? And in that moment, I think the female officer was the first to finally register it and realize it.

Like, oh my God, we're in the middle of fucking internet drama. I think the police, when they recognize it, they almost, I could tell they almost got angry. Like, you've got to be fucking kidding me. We are at one of the busiest times of year. There's actual crime happening and we have been wasting hours of our fucking night driving into the countryside to address internet drama.

Like, you got to be fucking kidding me. And I think when it clicked, the officers, basically, they ended up looking at each other and they just looked back at me and I actually felt fucking bad. They looked at me and they were like, we are so sorry that we didn't look further into this before coming here. I'm sorry for the inconveniences caused. Please go back inside and have a great night.

And I actually just remember this. I remember going, I went as far as to literally say to them, like, if it makes you more comfortable, like, I'll stop posting on my Instagram. Like, how am I saying this to the police? I'm like, while I'm in London, like I'll stop posting. And the man, the guy, officer, literally goes, no, ma'am, keep doing what you're doing.

Fully noted what is happening here. Enjoy your night. Goodbye. And they walk away and they leave.

It's actually like sad. Like I did feel bad for them. I wanted to, like, invite them in to have dinner with us. I'm like, fuck, your life is shit right now that you're having to deal with this. But in that moment, daddy gang, as I reflect back, now it's been years gone by.

I remember looking at Matt's face and I could tell it all really started to click for him in that moment. Exactly what he was signing himself up for. Like, exactly what he was getting himself into in dating me. You know, like I think Matt had an idea of the show was big and like people like whatever. He had no fucking idea that there are police standing at our door because there's a fucking Reddit petition, like fucking insane.

But I will say he was very, very sweet and cute. And this is why I do love Matt. As we're walking back to the restaurant, he stopped me and he was like, he like kind of grabbed my arm and he was like, he said something along the lines of like, Alex, the way that you were talking about how passionate this group of people hate you. That's like objectively scary and hurtful. And I just want to make sure, are you okay?

And I remember feeling so seen and cared for. And like, although our romantic night that he had planned had just turned into absolute fucking chaos and a shit show because of me and my job. The fact that Matt's biggest concern was just making sure I was okay. He wasn't mad at me or annoyed with me. that, like, my job causes so much drought.

Like he was just so supportive. It was so sweet. And I remember, though, just saying to him, like, I know this is going to sound really, really weird, but at this point, this has kind of become normal to me. Not that, like, I've never had the police show up, but, like, does it surprise me? No, it doesn't anymore.

Nothing surprises me with Reddit and, and hate online. And in a strange way, I, I love how I, you guys, as I'm saying this, I'm like, Oh my God. I remember like, I was basically sticking up for Reddit at the table with Matt. So go fuck myself. But I do remember basically trying to explain to him, like, I don't fault these people.

I don't hate these people. And he was like, yeah, I'm losing you a little bit there, Alex. They are psychotic. They're freaks. Like they just tried to get you arrested in a foreign country for something that you didn't do.

And I just tried to explain to him, like my thought process back then. And at that time was like, I am so fucking fortunate to have a platform. And I've just kind of had to accept that, that this is what comes with having the show and having that type of platform. And these people are helping the show in some capacity. I know that is a really weird way to look at it, but, like I used to always say, and I still believe to this day, and it's helped me, like there really is no difference between a hate view and a like view.

Views are views. And I know this is going to sound weird, but like me trying to explain it to Matt, like it's just better to not get angry about shit in life and just be like, what are you going to do? Do I wish that Reddit didn't call the police on me and try to get me arrested? Of course. Did it, did it further my understanding of their commitment to the show and to me as a person?

Yes. You got to find the positive. But I will say, when I look back, it was a real bonding moment for Matt and I, and the rest of the night was insane. The two of us were drinking heavily. We were fucking partying.

The wait staff was partying with us. Cause they're like, you're free. And I'm like, just don't say that. Like, please stop. The manager was like, Oh, cause it was such a, it was like, you're in this little inn.

Like we were all in on it together. And they're like, she's free. Like we go party. Like it was fucking insane. And I will say like, because it was like, what the fuck happened?

I don't know if you guys have ever had that. Like. if a party gets crashed or like someone does something crazy at a wedding or whatever, like when you have like a, what the fuck, it just amplifies it to feel like it's an adrenaline rush. And then we absolutely fucked like rabbits that night. And it was, we were on a high and it was just, we left there.

And I know this sounds insane, but, like, it has turned into a fun story that I love to tell. It is one of the best stories. If anyone is at a dinner party, Matt and I will each whip this out. If someone's like, Oh, we need a good story. Like let's pump up the volume.

Like, Oh, we have one for you. And Matt and I were reminiscing about it the other day. That's why it got brought up in my head, because I'm going to London now. And he was like, Oh my God, it is kind of crazy. Like I always forget.

that happened to you and I, and it's so crazy. That was so early in our relationship. And it is now going to be a story that we tell our kids one day, maybe when they're like a little older, so that they're not like mommy convict, like we're going to make sure they really understand the story. And I'm going to make sure my kids never download Reddit. I also want to, as I'm thinking about it, recognize, because now that we can all look back on COVID, it's so fucking crazy to even think about, but I do want to just recognize, I think tensions were extreme.

I don't even think, I know tensions were extremely high during COVID. And when I reflect on the purpose of all these people coming together and signing this petition, obviously a lot of it sure was based in people that like, just didn't like me, but I can also understand that there may have been people that, like, genuinely thought I was breaking protocol. I still don't know if you need to go sign like this petition to get me in jail, but I, I, I empathize a little bit of like at that time. And again, this is why social media fucking sucks. It's like, I understand that so many people were stuck in their fucking house or their apartment, or wherever the fuck they were.

And like, people were so fucking miserable in COVID, including myself. Like I just said, I fucking was hating my life in New York. Like I was miserable too. And so I think that those feelings can get almost probably were exacerbated, almost of like seeing me flying and posting about a guy and having fun. Like you couldn't go on a hike during COVID.

If you saw someone hiking, you would get hate on the internet, being like, you're going to kill my grandma. Like you fucking can't get off the hike. And you're like, there's.

and in the beginning, I wasn't leaving New York and I was sitting, I remember I was sitting also in, I started it in New York. Then I was rotting in my parents' basement, fucking miserable, miserable with my life. So it's like, I think everyone had their own experience with how they felt about COVID, but I do just want to acknowledge, maybe if I try to rationalize, no, I can't rationalize it. I'm sorry, but I can rationalize that people were annoyed with me traveling. I can't rationalize with the petition.

Never, ever will you get me rationalizing that petition? you psychos. But like, again, I'm just trying to understand. And I think there's, I want to add that point to it. And I really don't hold any hate for people that hate me online.

I feel like I just have gotten to a really happy place in my life. Past years, I would have been like, you're all such fucking losers and freaks. And you're such a little fucking pussy. If you spread hate online and you're on Reddit, you have mental problems. And like.

that may be true, but like, I, how I feel now when I rest my head, I don't have ill will for any of these people. I really don't. I wish them the best. I feel bad that they feel they need to go online, but like, I'm chilling. I'm good.

I'm happy with my life. So I'm happy. I now can tell this story three years later and laugh at it and think it was so fun. And thank God I didn't actually get arrested for something I didn't do. And that part, I don't want to diminish because I know there are people that that happens to, and it's like, holy fucking shit.

They can, I don't even want to think about that. But yeah, that is my London story. And so now I'm going to get on a plane and I'm going to go see Matt again in London. And I'm just very excited to see him and go on the movie sets and see the actors and see the people from our company working and party and have fun. and daddy gang.

I love you guys. I hope you guys enjoyed the, I have so many story times that I've been thinking, I guess I should tell Paris soon, but if you guys liked this episode, let me know. And yeah, I love ya. I will see you fuckers next Wednesday. Goodbye.

Did this episode leave you wanting more? Obviously, it did. Daddy gang. Here are two episodes. I think you'll also like go watch binge.

call her daddy. This is what wedding planning is doing to me. Should I just pick up the phone, call a fucking wedding place and go try on wedding dresses? All right, let's go. Spencer Pratt.

Welcome to call her daddy. So honored. One time we were making a million dollars a year selling our paparazzi photos. You will obviously never be as relevant as you were. How does that make you feel?

Oh yeah.