Yope

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Hi Gwalter, welcome to Conan. O'Brien needs a fan.

Hi, Gwalter.

Oh my god, this is happening.

Yes, it is happening, I hope that's a good thing. How are you, Gwalter? Good God, that is an impressive beard you have there, sir.

Thank you, sir, thank you. I'm very proud of it. It's a little bit short than it used to be, but a married guy has to look a little bit better.

Yeah, let me say something, too. That's an evil beard. you have an evil beard. doesn't it look a little evil?

Yeah, don't say that, no, it's a thinker beard. It's like, when I'm at work, I'm like, Hmm, bad problem. Maybe it's kind of a solution.

Yes, how do I defeat God? how do I destroy mankind?

Flash Gordon, you'll get it.

Yeah, it's flash. Yeah, exactly, being the merciless anyway. You look fantastic. thank you.

I am from the country is Portugal, so the village that I'm leaving is Vila do Conde, it's near Porto.

Porto, okay.

The second big city?

Okay, are you near the water? Then? yes.

Okay, I'm going to say in kilometers, because I don't know how to say it in miles, don't do it.

Don't do it, I refuse to go metric.

Walter If you even say kilometers, I mean.

How many miles, feet or inches are you from the ocean?

Let's talk about time, time. It's common for everyone, right?

Yes, see, very good Walter. You should work for the U.N. you should be an ambassador. You just defused a very tense situation and I congratulate you.

I'm usually the diplomat.

Yeah, you have to be Walter. I have a quick question about Portugal, which is that? During times of recent unrest and unhappiness here in the United States, there were many Americans who were saying, I might like to have citizenship someplace else. And the thing I kept hearing was Portugal, because I kept hearing that Portugal, aside from being a really beautiful, fantastic country with lovely people, had this policy that you could, if you bought property there, you automatically got citizenship. And it became kind of this thing that everybody was talking about, and then I heard that it's not true.

I don't know the details, the political details, but oh my God, the next Portuguese to hear this, maybe it's going to search for me and kill me. But if you have money, you are welcome in Portugal.

So it's more or less like that.

We are not the richest of the countries in terms of having power to buy stuff, so most of the things are very cheap for the outsider.

That's what I heard, but then I heard that Portugal was getting flooded. With all these Americans saying, I want in, I want in, and that they started to say, and they actually started to spend some time with these Americans, that's the key. And they said we might dial this back a little bit, so I might have missed my window.

No, I have a lot of good stories. My mother-in-law has a winery in Douro. Douro is like one of the main regions for wine, red wine. She also has wine, and she gets a lot of tourists that stay there for nights or weeks.

Yes, I've never been to Portugal, but I hear it's stunning, I hear it's absolutely gorgeous.

You should, but you have to come, don't please, don't be the normal guy and go to Lisbon, come to Porto, that's the most beautiful part of the country.

Do I look like a guy who would go to Lisbon? No, do I look? Does this face say I'm on my way to Lisbon? No, I don't think so, Gualter.

Yeah.

You go to where the wine is, you know what, I go where the wine is, and then I immediately marry a woman whose mother has a winery. And, by the way, Gualter, good move.

Is Porto where they make port wine?

Yes.

Oh, I've recently grown to love port wine.

Yeah, you're one of the few port drunks I know.

You're not kidding, you're not kidding.

Did you go through a port thing?

I have tawny port, oh my god.

Oh my God, it's so good. Yeah, it's such a specific hangover. Yeah, it sure is.

It's a dessert wine, and I typically drink loads of it before dinner.

Oh, before.

I like to get started early.

Yeah, and he also has a very tense home life, but we'll talk about that later. Yeah, Gualter, that's not for now. You have to come.

Well, I have the two sides of a job. I work as a tailor on Saturdays, as an old school tailor. Doing most of it by hand and doing all the measurements just for one suit for that specific person. And my Monday to Friday. I work also in textile and fashion, but I do digital products now I'm developing it. But it's like, in one, I work in an atelier like a small workshop, and in the other one, I'm like a fabric in one person, just using a computer.

So it's interesting you have one foot in the old, traditional craft world, but your other foot is in the future. I think that's very wise. Tell me what kind of suit you would make for me, What would you do?

Well, the first time I got the wonderful news that I would have this opportunity, I had a meeting with my master. My master is the man that has been teaching me the old ways. And he would recommend because I know the colors and the type of it, but he would say, like, the type of fabric should be a seersucker. Because that's how I think there is, like an American tradition.

Yes, seersucker suit, yes, seersucker suit, yes, and you wear it in summer.

My master told me those things I didn't know. It's for the summer, but I think it's something that you should pick. But my only guess, I will give you some color.

Yes, and you know what color works for me? I'm just going to tell you right now blue. I like a rich blue, because you know what?

I know that.

Yeah.

I know that.

Usually not related to me. They're just having some sort of a medical event, but you have a lot of blue.

Why don't you do like Purple?

Okay, Joker.

I would say, green, green.

Green.

Green would work on you, too.

Okay, maybe green, all right? Listen, I will do you know about my measurements? yeah.

A. Leprechaun Yeah.

Not a Leprechaun suit. We're not going to go down that route because we need to fight those stereotypes. Okay, I'm sick of that.

Go Leprechaun.

Well, you'd be a tall Leprechaun, so you're fighting the stupid.

No, no, no, it's bad enough that I walk around with a shillelagh. I probably should and say things like You won't get my gold, no one gets me gold.

Let's go, let's do it, let's do this.

Okay, here we go. Are you ready? Are you ready for?

Height is 6.

They just sent me. I'm six feet four inches tall. This is too many measurements, I just want like three measurements.

It's impossible.

Look what my guy just sent me neck, full chest, right sleeve, left sleeve, bicep, bicep. I don't have biceps, wrist, waist, hips.

Negative two, five.

Me, I mean, where is like the simple measurements?

No, they need that for a bespoke suit, don't you? Don't you need all that stuff, yeah.

I'm going to go fast and then you can, you don't have to write this down, I'm just going to go really fast. Neck 17, full chest, 43.5..

I lost it.

No, no, don't worry, you're going to watch the recording later on. That was my point. Okay, okay, okay.

Jesus.

This is going to be a national event.

Jesus.

Are you just reading numbers? Bicep 14, wrist 7. Horrible podcast waist 39.5..

Seabiscuit, Seabiscuit.

Hips 41.

Across shoulders, back 18, side, neck to shoulder 7, with inseam coming up fast.

Here comes crotch.

It's crotch, inseam, crotch, inseam, crotch in the lead, it's crotch putting up at 22..

Oh my god.

Did you get it, Walter?

Yeah.

Yeah, it would be a pleasure. It would be funny to take your measurements Portuguese way.

Yeah, we'll do it the Portuguese way.

What's the Portuguese way?

Centimeters, I know, not inches.

I thought it was like different way of groping or something.

No, what they do is they dip you into a tank of port and then they see how much port you displace, and then they build the suit.

It's really nice, it's like the first time you have, usually when we do the suits, the first time is the talk like talking about fabrics. What is the ceremony? What is the situation if we are single? Or it's going to be with somebody else, and it's really nice in your case, it's like.

Are you saying that you measuring me would be one of the most intimate things that two men do together? Is that what you're saying?

Usually, when you go to a hotel in an old school one, it's like old, traditional ways. Yes, being together in the same place. I'm not very traditional, though.

No, but what you're saying is I would be wearing boxer briefs, but that's about it, and you would be taking very.

And a shirt.

No, no shirt, no shirt, no.

Please, he's saying, you need to wear a shirt.

No, it won't be a shirt, but anyway, I'm going to be wearing pretty much a thong and it's just going to be the two of us. Well, what? What's the problem?

Are you going to be oiled up and stuff, too?

Well, I think oil doesn't hurt.

It does, does it, it does not help. Cloth, No.

Well, he's not putting the cloth on me, he's just taking simple measurements, and that helps the measuring tape slide across the skin. Kind of like a whip. Hey, what's happening? I just blacked out what happened.

Oh, no.

We somehow.

Is there a way that you could just be?

Oh my god, with a measuring tape.

With a measuring tape and I should be restrained. I think I should be restrained in some way. Oh, let's move on so that the measurements are precise.

And in the end, do you even want a suit?

Oh, I didn't even think this was part of the.

Okay, I'm just curious who's making a suit? I'm just curious.

Is someone making a suit? No? Now? Why is there a ball in my mouth?

Oh my god.

Oh, that's to get the jaw, the distance from top jaw to bottom jaw, right?

Yeah, yeah.

That's right.

I'm starting to be traumatized. And why are we doing this in the basement?

Later on, I never got that suit, but God, that qualtor and I had a good time.

With Tracy Morgan.

Okay, it was during.

No, it was amazing. Yeah, I love it, one of my favorites, not my favorite, but one of my favorites.

He wears a very strong cologne and I asked him what it was, and he said, it's called Jupe, and he then sent me a bottle of jupe. I put it on, I wore it home.

So now I'm working in a development center, but before I was working in a Swiss-German company. Yeah, that one, I remember seeing it on Instagram.

Yeah, we have it here at all times because apparently it's also very good at dissolving concrete.

And conversations, yeah.

So it's not Jupe, it's Jupe, what how you say it, jupe?

How would you know that?

Because I worked in the company and the company has three brands, one of each is Jupe.

You work for this company, wait a minute, you have worked for the company that manufactures Jupe, and you're saying that Tracy Morgan and I are mispronouncing this, and it's Jupe.

Yes.

How do we get it? We got to get in touch with Tracy Morgan and tell him he's mispronouncing it.

Yeah.

Because I'm sure this will be. This could ruin his career.

Big news.

I'm sure he'll change.

No, but it made a day of the brand manager. I used to work with the brand manager closely. And he was like, super excited that Hugh Conan and everyone there was. And Tracy also was talking about Jupe, even though it was Jupe.

Was he upset that we mispronounced it?

No, I'm not upset at all. It made the week of it, made our week, that's for sure. Everyone was talking about it.

Well, I want to apologize, and I apologize not just for myself, but in fairness. I did not know of this brand until Tracy Morgan introduced it to me. And he said, Jupe, Jupe, with a very strong J and a very strong P, jupe. And his whole expression changes when he says it Jupe, and now we know that it's Yope.

Have you considered just reversing it and calling it POOJ?

What pooj?

Why?

It's got a ring to it, no?

Pooj, pooj, no pooj, sounds not good.

Pooj.

POOJ doesn't sound good.

Say it like, I say it, it sounds good, pooj.

No, it's –.

Pooj No, it sounds, I don't like Pooj. What does Yope mean? what does that even mean?

Yeah, what's it mean?

Yeah, it used to be a name of a big designer in Germany, oh so, Wolfgang Yope.

Oh, Wolfgang Yope. Oh Jesus, Yes, we know Wolfgang Yope. Yeah, I call him Wolfie Jupe.

I call him Wolfie Pooj.

Yeah, so there you go. I think I wish you had led with this and we would all have been on the same page. Yeah, he works just down the street.

I think the Jupe one would be more nice for the Germans, so they would say, like, Jupe before Yope.

Those Germans will say whatever they want, there's no stopping them. I've just put some on my wrist and I can't stop smelling it. It's I'm very much now attracted to myself. Walter, you, I wish you all good things and all happiness.

And sharing, hearing a lot of Sona's things about the boys have been really helping. Because it's a boy and me and my wife. We are super excited because it's going to be like a winter baby.

Oh, that's exciting, that's cool. And tell me what is when Little Yope shows up –.

Oh no, no yope, no yope.

Oh, what, have you picked a name? Pooj? Yes.

Yes, Fausto.

What's it, Fausto?

Fausto.

Oh, fausto.

Fausto.

Fausto, I love that, Fausto. How do you spell it in metric?

F-a-u-s-t-o fausto?

I would, When you say Fausto, we would say Fausto.

It's a mysterious guy, I like that, I love that, yeah.

Is he named after Fausto, Dr. Fausto?

Yeah, and you do have an evil beard.

Yeah, no, you will probably have. Do you know that I'm half a ginger? I'm not like –.

You're not half a ginger.

Oh my god.

So which half is ginger? It's clearly the half I can't see.

No, but it's brown, and I have a lot of ginger ones.

I see, yeah.

When the sunlight strikes, it's way more ginger cool, but I tell it with very, I'm very proud of it.

Good you should be.

I hope my kid is ginger.

You should be, well, don't hope the kid is ginger. There's a lot of beatings and torment in the early days, and then it all turns around. Wait.

North of Portugal.

North of Portugal, Oh, it's going to be in Porto, Portugal is where I'm going to get a very, very, very small apartment. And I'm going to walk around. And everyone's going to wish that I would go back to America.

And you are more than welcome to come and dinner with us. And probably at the time, maybe Fausto will be here and you can tell all of the great stories.

Yes, and he'll see what a real ginger looks like, and he'll be very happy that he's not a ginger.

But it's open to the three of you guys. I love you too.

Hey Gualtor, thank you. this was really nice getting to know you.

Amazing for me also, thank you so much. I love the opportunity, you are amazing guys, thank you for everything.

Bye-bye, thank you Gualtor, take care, bye-bye.

Thank you, bye.

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