#2061 - Whitney Cummings

Joe Rogan podcast, check it out! The Joe Rogan Experience. Join my day, Joe Rogan podcast, by night, all day!

Ask Jamie.

Jamie? Get on that, I'm sure there's a Reddit forum for that.

Last time I tried.

Last night, with those smelling salts, people doing the smelling salts, I was like, if I even inhale that, I feel like I'm gonna start crowning.

Yeah. It's very funny how those smelling salts have made their way from the studio to now, at the club, everybody's doing smelling salts.

Between the kratom and the smelling salts.

You gotta keep the kratom away from Duncan. That motherfucker drinks cases of that stuff. It's so crazy. We get there.

And is kratom naturally occurring? It's like a...

It's a plant.

That's the brand? I don't know.

But they used to have them at Sun Life, you know that place?

Organics? Yeah.

But then, you're not supposed to drink... They're that big. And you're supposed to drink a half a bottle. But they're not clear. So you have to kind of hold it up to the light to see where half is, and you gotta guess what half is.

Yeah, there was a time when you were out of town, and I was at the mothership, and everyone was doing like four or five things.

I was like, you guys, when Joe leaves,

we can't all just get addicted to drugs.

Well, it's kind of an opiate. I don't know. What exactly is kratom? It's legal? Yeah, it's legal.

Put pain tolerance down. That's probably good for working out.

I guess. Is it though?

I did kind of used to like to smoke weed and work out. So I feel like I could do more.

Yeah, well, smoking, weed and working out makes me feel like I know what my muscles are doing.

Yeah, you like, feel every, focusing more.

Fibers and shit. You know what it's really good for? Technique. Like when you learn martial arts technique, like there's certain things about, like kicking a bag, in particular. When I'm not, when I haven't smoked weed, I mean, I've been doing it my whole life, so I know how to do it.

Just more present in your body. Yeah.

It makes you so much better at pool. It makes my pool game like, yeah. Like. there's a term in pool, like a ball. Like, say, if we were playing nine ball and you were better than me, you would give me the eight ball.

Is there any in pool like shade on taking Adderall or smoking weed, or there's? no, like no one cares?

Yeah, people talk shit about you, but they all do it. Right. Like pool players are notorious drug addicts.

Like cocaine is probably great for pool.

There's, I've met more, I didn't even know drugs. I didn't really understand drug culture when I started hanging around in pool halls. Because I had gone from being a fighter to being a comedian. So in fighting, there's no drinking, no partying, no, nothing. All throughout high school, I was like, very rarely did I imbibe in anything.

Have you seen this video where Boozy the Rapper is endorsing crack over fentanyl?

Well, it's a good point. Crack heads live.

He's like, my crack head friends I've known for 20 years. He's like, they're around. They can do anything. They have powers.

Well, you know, crack is just cocaine. It's just another way.

And you just cook.

Yeah, it's freebasing cocaine. And the scary thing is, even though we know that, it's one of the most racist laws that's ever been enacted. Where the difference between the sentencing for someone who gets caught with crack versus someone who gets caught with an equivalent amount of cocaine, it's like a giant disparity. Can Deon Sanders say this too?

Oh, I don't know who that is.

This is awesome. Have you ever been on a field with? No, my cousin Junebug, he was a crack head and a good dude, though. But he was very athletic because he was still stuck when I came home from college. Couldn't ever catch him.

His cousin Junebug.

Imagine there's some dude out there, Junebug the crack head, that's more athletic than a guy who is widely regarded as being one of the most athletic humans that's ever lived.

And then, the boozy one is.

Junebug's more athletic than Boo Jackson.

What the fuck? Junebug, the Bert Kreischer of the hood.

There was this dude I've talked about many times, but his name was Waterdog. That was his nickname. Or they would call him Buffalo Bill. And he was this pool player. And he would do heroin.

T-Rex, yeah.

Yeah, and just like this. And he would sit there for like 20 minutes. And then he would get down, and he had like gerbil eyes. They're like black eyes. And he couldn't miss.

Like he knew how much time he needed for it to calibrate.

He was so accurate. It was stunning. He had no nerves. That's wild. He didn't feel anything.

And it takes away inhibition, so you're not.

He had no fear. He had no nerves. He would just fire these balls into the hole. And it's like really tight-pocketed table playing for like $10,000.. And I was like, this is nuts.

I wonder what it's like. I've never done heroin. It must be pretty awesome if people are trading their kids for it.

Yeah, I got morphine when I had my knee surgery once. It was like, by the way, if you hear me and I sound funny, ladies and gentlemen, I just got out on a cold plunge. I just got out. So I'm like. So if I sound like I'm on heroin, I'm just cold.

Doing heroin, it takes all your fears away. The inhibitions when you did methadone?

Oh, yes. No, it was morphine. Sorry. I wonder what that's like. I wonder what methadone is like in comparison to.

Isn't methadone basically Adderall? Like we've done, Adderall.

I think it's like a kind of an opiate, but it doesn't get you high. It just makes you stupid.

I don't know.

But.

We can go to San Francisco and get some. I think you can just walk in now. Get easy. It's pretty easy to get. You don't even have to have a prescription.

I had a knee surgery, and when I was in the hospital, they had me on a morphine drip. And apparently, this is in the 90s, I don't know if they still do this, but you could hit a button. And when you hit a button, you would get more morphine. And it was wonderful. It was wonderful.

Have we ever done fentanyl at the doctor? Like, if I've gotten a surgery, have I done fentanyl? Or is that propofol?

Propofol. Propofol. Propofol is the stuff that puts you under. Fentanyl is a prescription drug, though. They give people fentanyl patches.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's pretty fun.

This episode is brought to you by Circuit of the Americas. It's almost time for racing here in Austin, Texas. With the United States Grand Prix taking place this October 18th to 20th, imagine watching drivers whisk away at 230 miles per hour, strapped to an engine half as hot as the surface of the sun and cornering with 77 pounds of force weighing on their necks, nearly twice the g-force as a space shuttle launch. This will definitely be one of the biggest weekends of sports, entertainment, music, and incredible food in the U.S. with racers like Max Verstappen, Lewis Hamilton, Charles Leclerc, and Sergio Perez, along with performances by Sting and Eminem.

That's so epic.

I'm promoting it.

This motherfucker still running around the neighborhood.

When have you ever heard crackheads hitting the pipe and dying the first time?

Never. Never. This Fittin' Off shit is different.

I would much rather crack. I would much, rather. Much rather crack. He's making logical sense. I've been hitting my crackhead people for 30 years.

True.

This nigga hit Fittin' Off two times. He's gone. You'll never see him again. Right. I promote crack before Fittin' Off.

He says they have power. Anything, bro. And they're still smoking crack and they're still together.

They can do anything, bro. Crackhead, bro. Whatever was in crack, they gave them a real power.

Did you ever see the video of the crackhead with the kangaroo?

Covered in diamonds, designer sunglasses on, multicolored puma.

Crack was not killing people the same way.

He's right. He's 100% right. He's 100% right. Yeah, my friend Johnny, he didn't die from crack. My friend, who was a crackhead, he died from heroin.

I told you about what happened with, I had a raccoon in my yard.

You've got Guatemalans trying to sneak over the fence. Did you have the fucking people casing your house?

The Chilean mafia.

The Chilean mafia, that's right.

So the only people cleaning up homeless people now in L.A. are Scientology and the Chilean mafia. The Chilean mafia basically takes homeless people, gives them a BMX bike, gives them outfits. And yeah, I sent you the video of them casing my house. Because they were robbing people in Brentwood and Santa Monica, causing all kinds of shit.

Yeah, they're well known. It's like a well-known organization.

Nobody cares.

Scientology takes them in?

That's what I'm hearing.

That's a smart move.

Super smart.

That's like Wild Wild Country. Remember Wild Wild Country?

They took in all the homeless people so that they could win the election. It's the smartest shit.

And then, after they were done, they're like, yeah, we're done with you.

And they were putting the beavers in blenders, remember? And they were like putting beavers in blenders.

Beavers in blenders?

Yeah, didn't they? In Wild Wild Country they were putting like squirrels and beavers in blenders and stuff to make everybody sick so that they wouldn't vote.

Oh, well, they poisoned people. Right. Yeah.

They went to the salad bar. That's right. And put like bacteria. so people had such bad diarrhea they didn't go vote.

That was that Sheila lady.

Sheila. She was scary. Dude, that bitch. That bitch is scary. I would not fuck with her.

That was scary.

Tough titties, wasn't it? So I have this raccoon in my yard and it's acting really weird and I'm poking at it. It's in, you know, because the way they sleep is they, just like, you know, sort of bend over a branch or whatever. But I was poking at it. It wasn't moving.

What?

That's what she said?

Yes. I was like, if you're telling me there's fentanyl coyotes, I gotta get the fuck out of here.

But how? Wait a minute. What about people? Do people get that water? Where's that water going?

I mean, they already probably.

Where's that? Like, does that mean that wastewater from a toilet flushing goes out into the streets? What is this, Rome?

Probably.

This is how they started the Black Plague.

Headed for the same fate, it seems.

Well, that's what started. a lot of the plagues. Like, people had terrible hygiene back there and terrible sanitation.

Crazy.

There's a book called Dissolving Illusions. And it's about the invention of vaccines and the conditions that people lived in. In, like the early 1900s, in major cities. Like, you. don't think about it, but if people didn't have trucks, because trucks didn't exist.

Horses shit. eight times a day. They're walking through horse shit. That mud was all shit.

But that's probably the most sanitary shit. they're walking through. Because horses are just eating grass. But humans, we're eating meat and all kinds of other stuff. And it's fucking coming out of your ass.

Yeah, they're hard little pellets.

It smells like nothing. Because they just eat grass. They eat grass. They shit grass. It's like just grass going through their digestive system.

People used to die of just dysentery. Oh, yeah. If you had one cut and walked down the street.

Well, how about staph infections? People almost die of staph. Well, they probably do die of staph infections today if they don't get taken care of. But staph infections are scary as shit. And people have always got those.

It's wild. I mean, it's like, yeah, with all these sort of issues now, with depression and anxiety. Back then you had such real things to worry about. Like, how do I get home without getting covered in shit, without getting dysentery? There was no time to be depressed.

Well, you were always vulnerable. Think about all the times when you were a kid, where you got hurt. Like, when I was a kid, I broke my arm. once. You know, you fall down.

That was it. But also, I'm fascinated because I'm about to have a kid and I want to make sure he has a little adversity. You know? And, like, I was with a friend of mine at the playgrounds, now. They're, like, rubbery and they're all made of plastic and shit.

That's true. You see, I see them occasionally.

Every kid's is Texas, so kids do normal shit. You know, but I remember we used to spend, like, there used to be a cast with a metal bar. Right. When I was in school. It was a metal bar.

They go to your hip. Yeah.

It went all the way. Yeah. We spent the first 45 minutes of school signing casts. Like, everyone was in a cast when we were kids.

That's true. That's true. You know what I mean?

Remember? The seesaws are gone. Yeah. Slides used to be made of sheet metal. Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah.

We'd get tetanus, getting pinched. Like...

Seesaws.

Dude, what was more dangerous than a seesaw?

You flick it up in the air and your fat friend jumps on the top of it. You go flying. You were the...

You were always the asshole. You'd just be on the bottom and wait and then step off it and just watch them careen to the traffic. It was just... Dude, we used to play bloody knuckles all day. Like, we would just punch each other in the knuckle.

How about those things that spin around? Would you spin your friends around as fast as possible? You know, the ones where you're, like, hanging on. It's just a wheel. It's not really a merry-go-round.

It's just a lazy Susan for pedophiles. Yeah. Just kids in the park. Just... Yeah, I would get stuck under.

Under concrete.

We used to play in tires. We would just get in a tire and roll downhill. That was just a game.

Normal shit.

We did play on concrete.

Yeah.

And there was, like, little... It was just, like, a construction site is basically what we used to play on.

Yeah, kids today, unless you live in a terrible neighborhood, that's not generally the case.

No. It's, like, mushy now, although I was... But isn't that smart?

What? I know.

We're like, let's go back to how it was. Kids get hurt. I know.

Did you see this video a couple months ago where this cop goes down the slide at an enormously fast speed?

Oh, I think I did. No.

It doesn't make sense how he gets the speed. So you see the slide right here. I'll play it real fast. But it doesn't make sense how he gets going this fast. Let's see.

Is he going to get hurt?

He probably did.

Oh, Jesus. Jesus.

He's flying down the slide backwards. Yeah. Face first. Or face... Well, that's a really dumb way to do it, first of all.

I know. It's crazy. I don't know, dude.

Why did he do it belly down? That just seems like... The whole thing doesn't make sense.

That's like an ad for Kratom. I don't know. He seemed like he wasn't totally conscious when he came out.

Not a lot of people want to be cops these days. Tough job. Sometimes you've got to get the best and the brightest.

It's kind of true.

Why is he fucking on duty? What if he breaks a leg? What if he broke his ankle, flying out of that fucking thing?

Workers' comp.

Does he even get workers' comp for that?

No, no, no. Sorry, dude. But it is funny. I think, how much more physically we used to have to contend with.

Yeah, but you can get your kid into jiu-jitsu. Yeah, for sure. They'll do... Your kid can 100% experience adversity under controlled circumstances, which is probably way better anyway.

And even tolerate boredom. My mom used to say, go out and entertain yourself. You know what I mean? Go out and play. Come back before dark.

You could do it in certain neighborhoods. You could do it more here than you can in other places. Yeah. But, yeah, it's not like... People.

You would just fuck around and find out. You would just put your finger in a light socket all day.

Well, we just... I don't think parents knew as much. And I don't think there was as much of a fear of predators. You know, like, I, have a friend whose kid almost got kidnapped. He was at a park.

Why is it always a van?

Because that's the best way to carry someone around. Like, you. open the door real quick, throw him in, shut the door. So... I mean, also, there's no windows, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess that's true.

And he fucking runs over and stops it before it happens. But he was so freaked out. Like, what if he didn't look up from his phone? Like, you know, the kids are playing around with other kids. And you get bored and you just start looking at your phone.

My, um... I have this, like, you know... I had that, like, stupid nude leak thing happen. So I have this, like, you know, IT guy who was explaining to me. I'm like, what's the hygiene?

Oh, my God.

So that's how they just collect information. And then it's probably easy to talk a kid in with all those details into getting into a car. I know.

I saw it hit and run last night. Did I tell you about this?

Yeah, last night. Yeah, yeah.

The guy was running from the cops. Guy was high-speed pursuit from the cops. Two cars in front of us. So...

I didn't realize you saw it in person. I thought you saw it on...

Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, holy shit.

Oh, no, no, no. I saw the whole thing. So I didn't know that he was running from the cops. I just see this car flying at the intersection and T-bone this other car. Just...

I wouldn't want Texas citizens getting me. They're more armed than most police officers here, dude.

Well, not only that. It's the lakes. Everybody's running around out there. It's like it's fit. Because it's right over by Lady Bird Lake.

That's fucking wild.

But it was BOOM! I don't think I've ever seen, in person, someone hit a guy with a car that hard. Like, up close.

And it went into the passenger side?

Oh, just smushed the side of this car. Dude, this car went flying. The one car, it goes flying up in the air. And the other car goes flying to the side. And then, boom, the car falls down.

Starts running.

And he was dressed like he just got done playing golf. It was so weird to see. He's wearing a golf shirt.

I love that. his first instinct was, I'm just fucking... Run. What did he do wrong? He just ran away.

He probably had a warrant out for his arrest or something. It was probably something. Because if he's run from the cops, something was going on.

When you see that shit real up close, it always blows my mind. When I first moved to LA, I lived right above RE, on Miller Drive, above Pink Dot. So that I could be close to the Comedy Store. And there's that intersection there, Sunset and La Cienega. And there's all these...

The thing is, it's kind of extraordinary how little car accidents we have. When you think about how many people are just so distracted. And how crazy the act of getting onto this concrete surface with this thing that's rolling around with a combustion engine. And you're just letting normal people drive them around.

It's kind of a miracle how cooperative we all are. Damn. It is kind of weird. It's kind of weird. But the stakes are so high.

Well, it's just sketchy. You're relying on other people. And every now and then there's one guy that's got to get there on time. So he's fucking cut in front of everybody. And you're watching them.

Yeah. I was thinking because, like, you, can see so much carnage online. now. Like, in my algorithm, I guess, I don't know, enough. comedians send me videos of people getting murdered and shit.

Yeah, my algorithm is terrible.

It's just like butts and, like, car accidents and how the Disney castles are made of dicks. Like, that's basically shit.

Is that from Tripoli?

Did you know that Tripoli has 12 podcasts? Yeah, at least.

I'm not totally aware of that one. I don't remember it. Let's pull that one up.

Oh, Disney castles made of dicks. Let's go.

Well, there's a lot of wild stuff from the old Disney stuff. You go back in the old Disney and you're like, you guys should probably bury this.

Brutal. I know. You might want to take the obviously Jewish person's nose down a little bit. Yeah.

There was one where there was a big, bad wolf one, and it used to be a Jewish person, and then they switched it to a wolf later.

Like what? Yeah, and it's like cheap. It won't pay the price for the baguette, for the little red riding hood. You're like, what? Yeah, but there's the, I think it's the little mermaid, the spears, looking like dicks.

Some people do see dicks in everything, though. This episode is brought to you by Simply Safe. If you think of thieves, you probably think of shady people dressed in all black, sneaking around under the cover of night. But according to the FBI, most break-ins actually happen during broad daylight. They also spike during summer, since people are away from home for longer periods of time.

There's that. It is kind of a Rorschach test.

That's a thing.

Maybe I'm one of those people. Then there's also Mickey and Minnie, like one of her bows. It does kind of look like a dick going right for her mouth. It feels like a disgruntled employee. Hmm.

What? The video you posted got taken down. I was just going to play that one.

Oh, I posted. Oh, yeah. It's been removed.

Which one was that one? About this, on this topic. On the dicks? She has a video. I was just going to use that as an example, but it's been taken down.

They take all my stuff down now.

Here's some interesting stuff I just found, though. Marshmallow cannon? What? Well, but. Hold on.

No. Yeah.

Well. Oh, what?

It's that. It's like.

Okay. That's a dick. That's 100% a dick.

It's like.

Look at the balls at the bottom of it. Oh, my God. That's not a coincidence.

I didn't even notice the balls.

That is not a coincidence. That's 100% a dick.

Look up the Minion, Mickey Mouse. That one is the one that really kind of put me over the edge.

Yeah. That's someone being sneaky and putting in like a little Easter egg.

Yeah. Yeah. They didn't get paid over time.

That's a dick.

Yeah. And now the Disney employees are trying. The animators are trying to unionize. I'd be shocked if they succeed. They're probably just going to have AI do it.

The thing is, AI is so good now. Like, these, animators are on shaky ground.

Yes. Correct.

What happened with the actor strike? Did they settle that? Is that over? Yeah.

They settled it. Oh, do Minnie and Mickey dicks.

Minnie and Mickey dicks. Dicks.

Oh, it's right there. Go to the one, two, three, four, like six over on the top. Yeah. One more over. Sorry.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

That's her dress.

What the fuck?

I know.

Okay.

It's a little wild.

Come on.

I mean, maybe.

That's insane. And he's got his hand on her dick. She's got a giant heart on. That is 100% a heart on. That doesn't even make sense as a dress.

Just going straight into his mouth. I mean, it's-.

Just try to imagine that as a dress. It doesn't even make sense.

Yeah, like, where's her arm? Oh, it's around his neck.

Who cares? It doesn't make sense. I know. Where's her right arm?

It's a hard one to defend.

Oh, they're both around there. Yeah. She's hugging him. And that's her shoulder, supposedly. Okay.

It's a tough one.

That's a dick. It's way more of a dick than it is her arm around his shoulder. Uh-huh. You know, if it's one of two things, that looks so much like it. And his hand's on it.

Like he's stroking it. And also the little lines. I don't know.

Does she always have a puffy shoulder shirt on like that?

Is that consistent? Not like that. And then it's also like the little ridge on the top. Yeah. Doesn't feel necessary.

Oh, no. That's 100% a dick. Oh, no. Yeah.

I'm going to get a dart in my neck any minute. Disney's going to get us.

They're already in trouble. They fucked up. They went too far. You were telling us about the South Park thing?

Oh, my God, dude. Jamie, have you seen the new South Park?

I definitely saw clips of it.

I watched all episodes. It is so funny. First of all, Cartman has been replaced by a black trans woman in the ulterior universe or whatever. And the whole thing, really incisive commentary, obviously. They always do such a good job with this.

It's the Panderverse, which is hilarious. The Panderverse. It's such a great name.

All the handymen, the handymen are the richest people, because no men know how to do anything anymore because they went to college. So it's all about how college has made us stupid. And we need handymen to do everything now because we're using Siri and whatever. So there's the handyman bought Instagram and now is going to space because he's just a billionaire. And then Cartman is...

Yeah. How did people that are that goofy get in control of media like that?

I think that there's a really... I think we're going to look back at this time and go, remember when we thought 300 comments on Twitter represented everyone?

Right.

Remember when we had that confirmation, but we got scared of a bunch of tweets, half of which might just be bots or truly crazy people? Yeah. You know? I don't know what the statistic is now.

Also people crazy enough to be commenting on things all day.

Yeah.

The people that I know that are on Twitter all day commenting on stuff, they're mentally ill. That's right. The ones I know are mentally ill. I know they're all fucked up. I know they're medicated to shit.

I think not only are they medicated on whatever they're on, but also I think Twitter is a drug. It's a drug. You get that hit of self-righteous indignation. It's like the people who write in to complain about their Mr. Good bar being wrapped weird.

And for actors and people in show business, it's almost like you're testing yourself out, like writing scripts for yourself.

Yeah.

To be like a hero in this scene.

And I think a lot of people need to be heard. I totally get that.

Oh, yeah. That's real too. That's real too. I mean, there's a real application for it in terms of your ability to communicate about things and learn more about other people's perspectives, if you can cultivate a good group of humans. But if you're famous, that's not tenable.

Do you think there'll be a day where we look back and we go like, remember when you could, just like, be on Twitter all day? Like, is it going to be the way we are with cigarettes now? Remember, you used to be able to smoke inside.

No, because people are just going to keep doing it, because it doesn't physically feel bad. Even though it is bad. We're really bad at things that don't like get, like burn our fingers. Like we're really bad at just continuing to do certain things like, like a Twitter type deal or just any kind of online social interaction is so different than regular human interaction. That if you get used to doing it all the time, it kind of like reprograms the way you communicate with people,

Just like the new normal. Yeah.

You see, people like spill over, like Twitter talks, spill over in real life, with horrible consequences.

That's like my favorite Mike Tyson quote. It's the problem with people today is you can talk shit and not get punched in the face. Yeah. And then you see him talk shit in person. It doesn't go so well.

that's real. I mean, you're supposed to have consequences for your behavior.

Like a bunch of my friends that are parents, say that like bullies will come in and they'll say the craziest shit just because they've been on Twitter or online, or on those video games where you're allowed to like talk shit and then you go into the real world and it's a little different.

Yeah. There's plenty of those videos on my Instagram too. People getting fucked up.

You know, I was thinking about this cause. I was like, is it new that we are able to see horrific shit just like constantly, But I was thinking of like, what are the other? like collective visual, like traumas we've had, that we've seen? And I was, I'm a little, I kind of missed this a little bit, but I remember hearing about it, cause I had an older brother. Remember the challenger explosion?

Oh yeah.

It makes me, I've been trying to write a joke about it that they rolled in TVs into classrooms to watch this with the teacher. I remember there was like a teacher on it and they showed it and everybody just watched this teacher explode in the sky.

I remember not knowing exactly what was going on at first. going, what's, what's happening? Like, why is there, like so many different, like, there was like one going this way and one going that way. And then they started talking about it. Oh no.

I watched it recently and kind of, I remember watching it, like on the news when I was really young and not understanding what was going on.

Can you pull up the challenger explosion? By the way, that all could apparently could have been mitigated. People knew that there was problems with the O-rings.

Really?

You got to think how many fucking people are involved in those things and how bad the government is at almost everything. Yep.

Almost. They looked for the teacher. It was like this whole thing.

Look at this.

Okay. Oh, people gathered in theaters.

Yeah.

Full throttle and point of highest stress.

A massive explosion. The cheering stops. The horror sinks in. Seven Americans with the highest hopes.

A billion dollars worth of the highest technology.

Gone. Oh, the worst disaster in the U.S. Space Program ever. Good evening. This is the CBS Evening News.

What a weird thing we try to do. Fill giant tubes up with combustible liquid and then light an explosion and shoot them up into the fucking sky.

What are the chances? this would work?

Get out of Earth's gravity. It is bonkers. It definitely has worked a gang of times.

I know, but it's just like.

Look at the amount of power you're dealing with. That's what's so bonkers. The amount of thrust that you need to escape our atmosphere and escape our gravity, it's just so nuts.

Boom.

They might have.

That was my obsession.

I watched a video on the implosion of the submarine the other day.

Can't get enough.

Now you've got to get in a submarine.

You've got to go look at a bunch of trash at the bottom of the ocean.

Who was telling us about people that are paying to go over to Russia? They're paying to go over to Ukraine and fight on the front line. They'll let them shoot guns.

Trying to get content for his Tik Tok. That's just what we need.

I think people have done something like that. By the way,

I think RFK's son went over to fight.

RFK's son did go over to fight.

I feel like there had to be like a.

He didn't tell anyone. He just went over and did it and then came back. Like he did. He didn't even tell us his dad.

Yeah. His dad didn't.

RFK Jr. Did not know.

So you just show up and you're like, Hey, I'm on your side. I don't know.

I don't know how he applied, but I think he was in some sort of special forces group. There are very rich Ukrainians doing this. So I don't know if it's a good American. Okay. Maybe that's what it is.

Yes. I'm a businessman and now I'm a commander of a military unit in Ukraine. Like, are you having that much trouble getting chicks as a billionaire?

Yeah, but that might be a different thing. That might be a thing where he just felt like he has to take up arms. Because Russia's invading.

I get that, by the way. I do feel like, isn't it? I mean, I texted a lot of my friends about this, where I'm like, is today, the day? Like, is today, the day we're all going to war? Like, there is a little bit of a...

Way more than ever before.

Way more than... I mean, I'm looking at bunkers at 2 a.m. I'm kind of...

Yeah.

I mean, what if draft happens? Can you imagine our 18 year olds going...

TikTok kids getting drafted.

Eating Tide Pods going over there.

Yeah. Yeah. Draft is a real... It would be a real issue with the morale of this country, and the suspicion of the government doing unethical things, and the trust, and whether or not these kids could even survive.

Yeah.

Just survive boot camp.

Yeah.

I mean, this is the...

Survive, filling out the forms saying their gender.

This is the softest, the softest generation that's ever existed.

It's scary.

It's wild how quickly it happened. It really is wild. I mean, if this was engineered by Russia, good job.

They nailed it.

You fucking nailed it. They nailed it. Everything that everybody wanted. A complete lack of faith in the government.

Whoever put Roundup in the water so that everybody went, you know,

soft. Fluoride.

Yeah. Yeah. Between the fluoride, and the Roundup, and all the endocrine disruptors.

They did a great job. They turned us into such pussies. There's a few people that are out there fighting the good fight, and trying to resist, but, you know, ultimately, they're outnumbered.

I feel like there's a backlash happening, you know? I feel like it's interesting. Being pregnant, you really start getting obsessed with everything you put in your body, you know? And just the idea of just drinking water. It's like a full-time job.

Yeah. Did you ever check yourself for phthalates while you were...

Shit.

No?

No.

Where do I do that? Too late.

I did the tally age test, the biological age. Oh.

Phthalates are microplastics. It's like chemicals that leach out of plastics.

I mean, I for sure got them.

Well, everybody has them.

There's no way, I don't. Yeah.

There was a study that they did recently. It was like, what is it? Was the number? like 90-something percent of people had phthalates in their body? Something nuts.

Also, there's this guy, I don't want to plagiarize his work, Kashif Khan. He wrote that DNA Way book about how their micro... the forever chemicals in women's yoga pants.

Oh, right.

In the crotch. Yeah. It's in AstroTurf.

Well, how about fucking baby powder?

Dude, we used to put it in our underwear before basketball games. Yeah. There's been 50,000 lawsuits. Yeah. They've paid, I think, over eight or nine billion, which is probably nothing to them, but women getting ovarian cancer from the asbestos in it.

Yes. Yeah, that's what I was reading, that talc and asbestos are often in the same spot, and they don't filter it out well. To what? They don't even test to see if the talc has asbestos in it sometimes.

Johnson & Johnson's gotten away with some wild shit.

Well, that's a wild one. I just... Did they know? We were putting it on babies. What I want to know is, did they know?

with talc and asbestos. I think the minors definitely complained. My guess is it's a similar trajectory to the...

Oh, here it is. Because talc and asbestos are minerals found close together. When talc is mined, it may contain traces of asbestos. Talcum powder is still an ingredient in a number of cosmetic brands. As recently as November of 2020, a study found that 14% of the talc-containing makeup tested contained asbestos.

Can I tell you, a lot of my girlfriends, when they act insane, I ask a couple questions. I'm like, what birth control are you on? And what hair products and makeup are you using? Because you're just putting chemicals in. I mean, your skin's, your biggest organ, right?

They knew for decades that asbestos lurked in its baby powder. Oh, my God.

Unreal.

This is Reuters.

I want to say it was in St. Louis, but it was over 50,000 lawsuits.

Oh, my God. That's so crazy.

Johnson & Johnson didn't tell the FDA that at least three tests by three different labs.

From 72 to 75, it found asbestos in its talc. In one case, that level's reported as rather high. Who says rather? Who says rather? in that context?