#2108 - Tom Green
2024-02-24 03:08:04
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
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And we're up. The fuck is happening to me?
Great to be here, man. Made it back, made it back. Last time I saw you, I don't know, my eyes might have been a little crossed.
Well, last time I saw you was last night.
Right.
And the night before that.
We'd start with that, then.
But the last time we saw each other on a podcast,
things went a little westerly. We got a little intoxicated.
So, so, absolutely. So, you know, the whiskey kept pouring, the whiskey kept pouring. And that was when I was, I had that van. So I still have the van, but at the time, I was kind of living in the van, traveling in the van.
Heavy COVID. This is like the beginning of COVID, where it was weird to be around each other. Like, are we okay? We got tested.
Got the COVID test. And then I had the van out in the parking lot. And we started drinking the whiskey about midway through the show. And then,
the next thing. I know, I'm opening my eyes in my van. And it's the next day.
And I'm just like,
oh, shit.
What happened on the show? So, you know, I think maybe the last half hour of the show was such a blur. I don't really quite remember getting in the van. But I had a nice sleep in the parking lot. It was amazing.
And then I kind of was a little nervous. That's a weird feeling when you don't know what you said. And I called my mom.
And everybody seemed, you know, like it was, people thought it was funny, but I mean, I think she was a little concerned about the drinking, the amount of drinking. But no, it was a great time.
It was fun. So we got a little off the rails. You didn't have to go anywhere. Your van was parked.
It was awesome.
What is it like sleeping in parking lots? That's got to be an odd thing.
Well, I rarely did that in the van. It was mostly out in these remote desert parks, like out in Bureau of Land Management land, BLM land in the desert. And I was going around filming and so I wasn't, but there was a couple of times I'd sleep in a truck stop because I was wanting to make a lot of distance. So I'd drive until I kind of couldn't keep my eyes open. Then I'd pull over at a truck stop and sleep.
Sketchy proposition, right? You don't know who's around.
Well, in the desert, it's a little more nerve wracking because you're all alone out there. And people can see the van in the distance, and it's a pretty nice van.
I was hoping for that. Nothing? No aliens. I had a nice flyover from a U.S. fighter jet in the Trona Pinnacles in this amazing part of the desert in California.
And I was the only person there and I could tell this fighter jet saw me and he just kind of came right over.
Oh, wow, just to say hi?
Yeah, and I didn't get my camera out in time.
I flew in one of those once.
Yeah. With the Blue Angels. God, it's insane.
when you realize what those jets can do. And I think what they were flying was like an F-A-18, see if that's true.
Nice, yeah. I think that's it.
That's what we did. I believe they are actually. I think they have even more capable jets now, because this is when.
I want to say this is like 2003?, 2002?? Something like that. Way back in the day. I have a plaque that says you flew with the Blue Angels. Pulled major G.
forces. I've never been in a fighter jet.
I think I did 6.5 G's. Something like that. And I stayed conscious, but then I blacked out when I forgot to do the hooking on a lesser run. Like it was lesser. It was like 4 G's or something like that.
Forgot to do the hook? Oh, I'm sorry.
When you're going through high G's, you do a thing called hooking. I think that's how they say it. Where you hold on to the joystick or you can hold on to your straps on your legs if you're the passenger, like I was. And you go like this.
Hooch! Hooch! Hooch! Hooch!
And you're literally forcing blood into your head to stay conscious. So, while we're doing this, that's what you're doing. See how she's doing that? Nice. See how she's doing that?
Yeah.
So this is why...
That's how you stay conscious. That's how you stay conscious. You have to force the blood into your fucking brain.
It seems like it's kind of slightly on the edge of not being a perfect system, right?
Well, you've got to be a bad motherfucker to fly those things. Those guys were all lifting. All those Blue Angels piles, they were all jacked. They were like super diesel. Because these guys are just fucking...
Girl! They're wrestling with that thing. Yeah. Like, it's not as simple as like you're... Like, the physical force of going to 6 G's is so extraordinary.
You haven't felt anything like it in your life. when you're... And these guys can go to like 13 G's, some of them. It's fucking insane!
I don't think I would want to do that, actually. I would probably. just... I sometimes don't want to do those kinds of things. You don't have to do it.
Yeah. It looks amazing, but I just feel like... I'm glad I did it. Yeah, yeah. For sure.
Yeah. After. Just as a.
wake-up call. Like, you think you understand. You see a jet, and I think of it almost like... Well, obviously, driving a race car is very difficult, right? But driving a car fast is not that difficult.
Yeah. You know, like, if you have a good car, if you buy a new car today that handles really well, if there's no one around, you can go pretty fucking fast and it's really in control. But those things are different, man. It's like there's a physical experience to this.
It's so fast! There's so much power and force behind those things. You got a.
plane. yet? You're getting a plane, Joe?
No. Bill Burr pilots. Bill Burr flies around in a goddamn helicopter. Yeah. Took me up around downtown LA.
You can fly wherever you want in a helicopter.
Yeah. Helicopters are even more of a no-no for me. Because they seem to go down a little too much. I've been in a few. I flew in a Blackhawk through Baghdad and did one of those USO tours.
Went to stand up over there back in 2003.. How was that? That was a pretty wild experience. It was right before... Like, it was probably fortunately for my nervous system, right after the Mission Accomplished banner and right before shit hit the fan with the IEDs.
So, I was kind of thinking, oh, it's okay. No big deal. And we were over there in the green zone and we were flying around in the Blackhawk helicopter. One night they said, you want to go out on a night patrol in like a tank? And I was all set to go.
and then they had to cancel it because of some sort of attack. And then we started hearing there's some stuff happening. We were there for a few days only, but they started avoiding stuff on the road and the Humvees. And then the second, I got back to stateside, that's when it started to get real bad over there. But I did a few of those.
I did Afghanistan as well and was on Chinook helicopters. Oh, wow. My dad was military, so that's why I'm rocking the Canadian Army jacket. Canadian Army. We've got.
an army. I heard. Recently. Recently heard about it. They didn't fight too hard against tyranny.
Here we go.
No, it's... Well, we did. You know, actually, we fought pretty hard against the Germans. I mean the internal. Oh, yeah.
I know.
Internal government tyranny.
Yeah, it's fun. I watch your show all the time, Joe, so it's like I know I'm... And I'm a very proud Canadian. Tom, you're.
the granddaddy of the show.
The granddaddy. Well, I don't know about that, but I mean... You are. First of all, you've always been very
nice to give me a shout out about those early days of broadcasting in the.
living room. Well, dude, you're an awesome guy. I've always loved you. You're always cool to be around. And you also, your show.
in 2007,, when I went on your show, that was 100%, a major inspiration for me to do this. Because I remember thinking, oh my god, he figured it out. Like, I remember very clearly, like, sitting next to you on that chair going, dude, this is it. Like, this is it. All you have to do is figure out how to make money.
with this. Yeah, you said that on the show. Which was hilarious. And then you figured that out. Yeah.
You really figured that out. That's cool. That was the missing link. Damn it. But no, no, that's amazing.
You know, I remember when we were doing it, I had... You know, I always wanted to do a talk show. when I was growing up. I loved Letterman, right? And I'd done my show on...
You were great at it. I really did enjoy... The first show was more me out in the street doing crazy stuff. And then we did a talk show, which was a little bit more of a sort of a nightly show. A little bit more time to talk.
And I did love doing that. When the show stopped, it was right at the time of, you know, technology changing on the web.
And that was kind of always, kind of how I was kind of looking at technology, usually. Because when I was a kid, I was in a rap group. And it was from technology, right? I remember drum machines came out and we were listening to Public Enemy and going, what are these sounds? You know, how do you do that?
Right? And then I would go work a summer job. I'd buy a sampler and a Kai S900 sampler and an Atari computer. I'm making beats in my parents' basement in Ottawa, Canada. No one's making beats in Ottawa, Canada.
We started this group called Organized Rhyme.
What year is this?
Well, we started in mid-80s.
So this was all pre-internet. Yeah, pre-internet.
Yeah, this was high school.
So how are you finding out about all this stuff back then?
Well, that was, you know, friends at school were listening to rap music. So friends at school were like, hey, you gotta check out Public Enemy. You gotta check out Boogie Down Productions. I'm like, Boogie Down Productions? And then someone would give you a cassette of like the criminal-minded Boogie Down Productions' Bridges Over album.
And you're listening to it and they're rapping about Scott LaRock, their DJ, who'd been, you know,
unfortunately, you know, passed away in bad circumstances. He was shot and killed. And then you're listening to this sort of... That was the internet to me. You know, it was rap music and skateboarding.
Thrasher Magazine was skateboarding. You'd read stories about skateboarders in California in a magazine. You'd listen to rap music and hear stories about, you know, people who were not in Ottawa, you know, doing cool shit. And I was kind of wanting to get up on stage and perform. I was kind of dabbling with stand-up at Yuck Yucks in the comedy club in Ottawa.
And so...
I was doing stand-up, but I never really got to, really, you know, a level where I was kind of... I was doing it every week. I was going down every week for a couple of years. And actually the reason I stopped was because the rap group got kind of, sort of a record deal, basically. And I kind of went focused on that for a while and stopped doing stand-up.
But yeah, the club in Ottawa, Yuck Yucks in Ottawa, still there. It's moved, but it's owned by Howard Wagman, who's... Yuck Yucks, is kind of like the improv of Canada. You know, it's chained all across the country. Mark Breslin.
I'm sure you know Mark. He started it. And it's kind of like... It was wild because, like, I don't know, it was something about the 80s, the 90s, before the internet. Right?
You'd go down to a comedy club and you'd find out about stuff just through word of mouth, like the rap music and like comedy. So I would go down to the comedy club and I remember Norm Macdonald come through. And he was probably 25 years old. Right? And I'm 16 in the audience.
And then I got to become this huge fan of Norm and he was... Norm. But back then there wasn't a lot of people doing stand-up like Norm. Like, there wasn't this sort of angle of, sort of this absurdity to it. This sort of...
It was more of a structured, down-the-middle way of doing stand-up back then. And so Norm was this sort of, you know... This curveball. Yeah, this sort of curveball, and we just couldn't get enough of it. So every time we was in town we'd be down there.
But Howard Wagman told me this story about Norm, and, you know, the first time he came down to do stand-up at Yuck Yucks in Ottawa and he got off stage and he was disappointed in how it went. Norm was. He said, I'm never doing this again. He walked down the street. Howard Wagman chased him down Spark Street in Ottawa and said, No, that was great.
You're coming back. And he made him come back and the rest is history. Norm.
was a legitimate genius. Yeah. Like a genius of life. Like a rare specimen. Like, genius in not just that his comedy was brilliant, but just like look at this.
I've never seen this before. Like a totally different kind of human. Yeah. You know? And genuinely always funny.
Like every conversation was funny. He was just funny. I was on a plane with him accidentally.
twice. Nice. Twice. That must have been.
amazing. Twice, on two separate occasions. Just totally random. We sat next to each other on a plane like, whoa, this is crazy. Yeah.
And the last one, it was so funny because he was telling me about how he quit smoking. Yeah, I quit smoking. Turns out. it's real bad for you. This whole thing about quitting smoking.
And we're talking about how hard was it to quit? This whole thing. The moment we land, he walks into the gift shop, buys a pack of cigarettes, and he's lighting them before he gets out the door. I go, I thought you quit. He goes, I did.
But all that talking about it made me want to.
smoke. Yeah. It's probably all an elaborate setup, right? He probably was planning it the whole way. I don't know.
Who knows? He probably doesn't even smoke. He was just doing his gag. No, he was.
Well, he was into gambling too, right? So, like, people that have those kind of impulse control issues, like gambling is a big impulsive thing. Like, I'm gonna fucking bet.
I'm gonna bet on it. Let's put the bet.
All of it. All of it. That kind of wild, crazy sports gambling too. That's not a good addiction.
to have, especially when you have money, right?
That's a scary addiction, man. I watched Dana White gamble. I watched Dana White play blackjack and he was down $600,000.. Yeah. And my fucking hands were sweating.
I just, I was going, what are you guys doing?
That's real money. Yeah.
This is so crazy. He does it every night. Yeah. He does it constantly. There's people that love it.
They love it. They love the action.
Thrilling. For me, it's fortunately, I've never liked numbers. Like, math was never something I enjoyed. So, when it comes to blackjack, you're going, oh, I'm doing math in my head and I get very uncomfortable. I go, I'm not going to be good at this.
That's a great reason to not gamble. You hate math.
Yeah. I just figured I'm not going to be good at this because I can't even really add up what I'm supposed to be doing here quickly. So, I'm just going to just sit on the side. Plus, I'm cheap. I don't want to.
lose money. I'm not a math person either. Yeah. It's a concentration thing. It's like, if you concentrated on math, really got good at the basics of it, and then really started getting into more complex mathematics, it'd probably be very fun.
Probably be very exciting. But the problem is, I never concentrated in high school at all. I didn't pay attention to it. So, I'm so removed. Like, if people start talking about math like complex shit.
Yeah.
I checked out at Long Division. Long Division, I checked out.
Like, are calculators available? They're pretty much everywhere, right? Right. Aren't there like an unlimited supply of batteries?
I'm like, I'm out. This is what I'm wondering, you know, now, with our phones and our Google and everything, we don't have to learn any of that anymore. I don't know anyone's phone number. We don't really have to learn anything anymore.
I know, like, Eddie Bravo's phone number. I know my wife's phone number. I might know two other numbers. Yeah. When I was a kid, I had a hundred numbers in my head.
Yeah. You could call your grandmother.
I still remember my phone number from when I was a kid. Yeah, you could call your friends. I could say it now, but that person probably wouldn't like that very much. I got my.
phone number memorized from when I was in high school. It was our first phone number. I couldn't believe we had a phone number. I'm like,
wow. Yeah. We had phone numbers before, but.
that was the first one that I've remembered. And then that was the first answer machine, too. Right. That was wild.
Remember, if you're out and you're trying to meet somebody and they're going to meet you, and then they don't show up and you want to figure out where they are, you'd go to a pay phone, put a quarter in it, call your phone, and then put your code in and check your answering machine or your voicemail from the mall. And you thought you were living in the future. And they'd leave a message on your answering machine to tell you, hey, sorry, I'm going to be a little late. And then you hang up and it cost you a quarter.
That's how crazy everything's changed in such a small amount of time. When you left the house, you were gone.
No one knew where the fuck you were.
Absolutely.
There was no Snap Map. Kids. today, they look at each other on Snapchat maps where they all know where they are at any moment in time. There's no shenanigans.
I was thinking about how, when I was a kid, we would be able to very easily manipulate the situation with my parents and say, okay, I'm going over. I'm going to Bobby's house. Go drinking and skateboarding all night. That was better like that.
These kids today, they're tracked. Everyone's tracked. It's not your parents, it's the government.
We're not going to be able to really get rid of it now, too. That's the thing. There's no way this is going to turn bad. No one's ever going to decide. this has gone too far.
It's just going to keep escalating and getting worse. My eyes are getting bad because I'm sticking... I find myself addicted to the phone. As much as I know that it's happening, I'll get on that, TikTok, and I just start scrolling through stuff and then, oh shit, two hours just went by. My eyes are getting blurry and it's really starting to...
It's useless. Piss me off, to be honest with you. For me, it's.
Instagram. I don't have TikTok, but I use the Instagram reels. God damn it. It's so nuts. One after the other.
It's so interesting watching this mad scramble of people trying to figure out a new way to get your attention, whether it's through shooting a bow and arrow with your feet over your head. It balloons. Have you ever seen those gals that do? that? Sounds good.
They stand on their hands and they have a bow in their feet and they have their legs all the way over the top of their head and they draw the bow back.
with their feet. I saw another thing kind of like that, but there was no bow and arrow involved. This is a thing. That sounds good. Are they wearing clothing as well?
No! Why would they be wearing clothing?
They wear bikinis. They're hot.
Most gals have that kind of mobility. with your body. You're probably pretty hot.
Yeah. Absolutely.
How could you not have a hot body if you could do that? If you could get your butt over the top of your head and have your legs pull a bow back and then aim it and shoot it?
I certainly can't do that.
Who the fuck can do that?
What percentage of the population can do that?
See, and this is kind of I think.
where we started with us was how did I find out about rap music? How did I find out about Norm? We had to use a certain sense of creativity and we had to go out of our way to find out about stuff. And so it.
sounding like some couple of old guys.
here. We are a couple of old guys. But that's what we are now. I don't think the world was better before. I don't think that's true.
There's some aspects of it that, I think, forced us to be just a little bit more creative and think out of the box, because we were, or at least in a different way, because you'd go find some drum machine or you'd go down to the little comedy club in Ottawa and stand-up comedy wasn't a mainstream thing then. It was pretty big, but not in Ottawa. It was sort of almost like you felt like you were going somewhere that you weren't supposed to go. You'd go down to the basement. I was 16 years old.
I'm in a bar and there's some guy on stage and they're not talking about Norm MacDonald on television. yet. He hadn't gone to SNL yet. I remember.
I'd see him and my friends would see him, and then we'd go to school and we'd tell our friends you've got to go see this guy, Norm MacDonald. He'd come three times a year and every time he'd come we'd be there. and it was just like this sort of myth. It was a mythology to it. Then all of a sudden we heard he moved to Los Angeles because he was writing for Roseanne, and we all heard about this.
It was this sort of all the amateur comics. The kids up there are doing it. I guess I was the kid doing that. Everyone else was kind of in their 20s and 30s, but everybody was just kind of like. there's hope.
We can get out of Ottawa man.
Something.
out there. SNL and everything. It was just amazing to watch him do that. I was having a good chat with Adam at the club about Norm because he was, of course, famously his sidekick on his show. It was such a shame to see Norm disappear like that.
He was talking about coming out here too.
So much has happened since I was here last. I got a lot of stuff. First of all, before I start talking about me, though, I just wanted to say thanks for having me at the club this weekend. My pleasure. I'm so stoked.
The club is amazing.
I've been hanging out there for the last two nights and I came in a little early. I wanted to hang out and just settle in. and man, it's just such a vibe there. It's just such a perfect comedy club. You did such an amazing job.
You're the only guy that brings his dog everywhere. that's not annoying.
Maybe, ever. Maybe ever.
And everybody loves Charlie.
Yeah, everybody loves Charlie.
Charlie's in here with us now. Charlie's a sweetie.
I got Charlie right before I came here the last time. She's named after the John Steinbeck novel Travels with Charlie, because I was out in the van and that book's about Steinbeck in the 60s made a camper van out of a pickup truck and he drove across America and he wrote a book about America and its differences. It's called Travels with Charlie in Search of America.
I got Charlie at a rescue called Thrive is the name of the rescue, which is actually run by Jimmy Durante's daughter in San Diego, the entertainer Jimmy Durante, who, it's like a ranch in San Diego, and they bring these dogs in from the Bahamas and Mexico, called Pot Cake Dogs.
Anyways, we.
went out in the desert and everybody loves Charlie. like you said. There's Charlie.
Charlie looks like she was just taking a nap. She's like, what the fuck you waking me up for dad? I was just taking a nap. The funniest thing is Charlie actually goes on stage with you. we should tell people.
She just chills out up there.
It's gotta be so weird when you're killing all that noise.
She's kind of used to it.
Isn't that strange? What a strange experience for a dog to be in the Bahamas and then all of a sudden she's on stage with Tom Green.
That's right.
She's cheering and she's just sitting there like what the fuck is this like?
I'd look at her sometimes and wonder. She left at five weeks old, the Bahamas. That was a good thing. She was a real baby.
She got adopted by somebody else for like three months, basically, and then they couldn't keep her. I got her at three months and.
it's funny. she grows up in the Bahamas, then she goes to California and then I moved back to Canada, since I was last here and I left Los Angeles following in your footsteps. The exodus continues.
It wasn't just me, man. I keep getting labeled as a Pied Piper. but come on, everybody was leaving.
I gotta say though.
there was a lot of factors to change my entire life. I sold my house around the time right after I was here.
And that was the house that you did the Tom Green show for?
That I owned for 18 years, that I did the Webovision show in. Why don't you do a show now? So I'm actually building a podcast studio in my barn. It's in an unheated.
century barn. Are you going to heat it? Nope, not going to heat it.
Are you going to have conversations where you're freezing?
Yeah, we're going to wear really warm jackets. That's one thing that's cool about Canada. People talk about the cold and how fucking cold it is up there. The cool thing about the cold, when you get acclimated to it, is you can regulate your temperature like you wear a really warm Arctic jacket in the barn while you're doing the podcast.
Also, you can die.
outside.
It's a different thing. It's a different thing and it makes more resilient people. I think it makes better people. I really do.
I was thinking about how you... There's the barn.
You're freezing your dick off, son.
That's my dad there.
You know what? You should get sponsored by one of those.
heater bodysuit companies for deer hunters when they sit in those blinds.
Yeah, that's cool.
Deer hunters when they sit in tree stands. You know how fucking cold you get? See, if it's cold out, that's one thing, but if it's cold out and you're not moving, that's another thing. It could be fucking zero degrees, but if you're hiking, you're fine.
We're actually talking to a sponsor right now. They might sponsor it. They're this clothing company, Baffin, and they make the warmest jackets. It's like you can really regulate your temperature. That's the thing.
If you know how to do that...
I... It's been a lifestyle change. I got this farm. I'm on a farm now that I live on and basically I'm going to live there now for the rest of my life. I know it.
I'm never going to leave this place. I love it so much. It's a wilderness area.
I enjoy your videos from there. It looks like you're really enjoying it.
I am really loving it. It's just such a peace of mind to get up in the morning. I've got this mule and I've got my strap there on the side. Yeah. I got my mule.
This is a whole new thing, Joe. I don't know. First of all, I didn't know anything about.
horses and mules, but I got a mule and a donkey and some chickens.
A mule is a cross between a donkey and a horse, correct?
Yes, and I did not know that a year and a half ago.
They're supposedly the most resilient animals for riding trails and stuff.
Mules are... It all started with. I found this property and this farm and I wanted to be outside. Then there were these two old barns. there.
I would look at these barns and I'd say they were calling for something to be put in them. They were 100 years old. There was stuff stored in them. Some friends of mine and I, we cleaned up the barns.
and I got this mule and this donkey.
Initially, the idea was I thought a mule would be kind of funny because they got bigger ears and they're kind of... I was thinking three amigos. I was thinking a donkey. I was thinking a mule was a donkey. I didn't even really know that much about it.
I started looking for a mule that you could ride, and there's not that many mules in Canada. They're much more of a southwestern American thing. George Washington brought mules to America. It was a big part of.
settling America. He was in for farming. He brought them in? Yeah, he was instrumental in being a big part of getting mules here. They would use them for harvesting, pulling,
harvesting crops and doing all the work around the farms and stuff. They have also been used in war a lot. They've been used in military.
A lot of the pioneers preferred.
them to horses. Yeah, they're extremely strong and they're very, very smart. They can go longer without water. They use less water, less food. My friend Clay.
Newcomb is actually a mule expert. He's been on the podcast before. He talked about fancy mules and how you pick a mule.
and train a mule. Oh, I follow him. actually. I follow Clay.
Clay's interesting. He's got a podcast called Bear Grease Podcast. A lot of it is about bear hunting in Arkansas.
Interesting.
outdoor stories. He's a very, very interesting guy, but he just knows a ton.
about mules. The thing that's so crazy about them is they're extremely smart, to a point that it's, you know, people say stubborn as a mule. It's not really stubbornness. What is it? What is it?
Self-preservation. They figure out. basically, I'm riding this animal now. She's a very big mule. as you can see.
She's a very big mule. She's called 16. three hands is the way you measure horses and mules. She's as tall as they get. Her mother was a horse, so a Persharon mix.
So Persharon's a workhorse, almost like a Clydesdale. So she gets her size from that and her father's a mammoth donkey, and she's 10 years old. A mammoth donkey? Yeah, a mammoth. What a great name.
Yeah. It's definitely.
created a very large, strong,
serious animal. I want to see a picture.
of a mammoth donkey. Yeah.
How big is it? There we go, yeah.
Whoa, look at the size of that fucking thing. That's a donkey? Yeah.
Holy shit, dude. And you can ride those too, so.
But are donkeys harder, between 900 and 1200 pounds? Are donkeys harder to train than mules?
I'm not sure of the answer to that. But I know that mules are easier to train than horses, so I would assume, because they learn. And mules are sterile. They're sterile, yeah.
It's a hybrid animal and it can't breed, which is, isn't that fascinating that a male of one species can breed with a male of another species. They make an offspring. It's alive. It has testicles, it has sex drive, it has everything. Can't breed.
Isn't that weird?
So the horse has, let me get this right. I've been trying to learn as much about it as possible, because I'm riding this thing and I don't want to die. Because you can fall off it and it's not fun falling off. I've fallen off a couple of times. Have you really?
Yeah, I wasn't too bad. By yourself? Out there in the middle of nowhere? Yeah, it was my own fault. I was streaming on Instagram and not paying attention.
That's good for beginners. Don't let go of the reins and play with your phone while you're riding on a 1,400 pound mule. Fanny's 1,400 pounds. That's huge, man. But yeah, I guess it's a horse has 64 chromosomes and a donkey has 62..
So when they breed, they take one of, it ends up that the donkey, the mule, has 63 chromosomes, which is not an even number and therefore makes it sterile.
This is what I'm trying to,
something kind of complicated.
Isn't it fascinating, though, that nature figured out a way to stop everything from fucking everything and just getting it pregnant? Isn't it like, nature's, like, we gotta have a system in here, because that's just, that's untenable. That's gonna lead to chaos. Like, if humans imagine, if humans could get other things pregnant, everything would be a hybrid of a human. Everything.
Yeah, like a lobster-human hybrid. Somebody would do that.
Island filled with turtle, people. People walking around with.
exoskeletons going, hey, this ain't so bad.
You could be on the island going, I can't believe someone fucked a turtle. And there's gonna be this guy with a turtle shell on. Fuck you! He's gonna be mad at you. Like, I'm just saying.
Because people are insane. Insane. I mean, somebody has probably fucked a turtle.
100%. someone's fucked a turtle. Right? If you had to bet everything, you own, 100%. A guy somewhere has been hopped up on some fuckin' Vietnamese street, meth, and fucked a turtle.
Probably American. Probably an American guy from the southwest. Over there hiding from the law or something. And he's methed up and he fucked a turtle.
People have fucked everything. But no result because of the nature's protections, thankfully. The wildest.
hybrid, of course, is the liger. Because they miss the gene that regulates size. Yeah. They don't have the same gene that, like, tiger and a lion, does. I've seen those.
I forget which one. How does it work? Is it a male lion and a female tiger or a male tiger and a female lion? I forget which one it is, but in that combination, when they make a liger, they just keep growing. They're so big!
Yeah, I've looked at these on the internet.
I don't... The thing is, I guess a tiger and a lion, and a donkey and a horse are close enough together in evolution to be able to do this. There's, I guess, no animal that is close enough to us to be able to.
come close enough. Luckily, because, you know, they've done experiments with other primates.
Maybe just nobody's fucked the right thing yet to figure it out. I bet someone.
pulled it off in China or Russia or something like that. They probably got some chimp-human hybrid somewhere.
I've heard sort of internet conspiracy theories that there was a Russian experiment that went awry or something like this. There was this one
very strange case of a chimpanzee that they call Humanzee. And this chimpanzee had very human-like features, and it lived with a family. Uh-huh. I forget if it was a family of researchers. I forget the story, but they always end tragically because those things, ultimately, as they get older, they want to be the boss.
It's a big male. And they're gonna just fuck you up. They're gonna bite your fingers off or bite your friend's finger. It's always something like that. They always do something horribly, horribly violent, eventually.
But this one that they had, they had him for a long time, and he looked like a human. Yeah. Look, it looked weird. And he stood upright a lot, and he wore clothes. He's got a big old donkey dick.
Look at that donkey dick.
Oh, my gosh.
The Humanzee of Orange Park.
First of all, Humanzee is such a great name. I mean, I almost wish it had worked just for that reason alone. Humanzee. I mean, there'd be Humanzees going around. But, uh, yeah, I often kind of have.
little... See if you can find the, there's some weird, shocking pictures of it. Like that one in the upper right-hand corner. The one, yeah, right there. And they're so strong.
Click on that one. Look at its face. Yeah. Like, it's got an odd face. Mm-hmm.
And there's some pictures. I think they're probably doctored. that made it a little more human-looking to confuse people, but the thing, like, as it got older, see if you can find the older pictures of it. It looked real, weird, man.
Yeah. But it was just a chimp. It was just a chimp that, you know, had been taught to behave that way. Yeah. Look at how he's walking.
He's walking like a chimp. He's not walking like a human. Look at the shoulders and the arms. That's a chimp.
I sometimes think about the close calls I've had with, a couple times with animals where I wasn't really giving them the, not like just understanding the power they had. Like, I had a chimpanzee on a show. I did once on my TV show back in the day, and, you know, it was.
a trained.
chimpanzee, but massive. And, you know, I remember, after the show, I just said, hey, can I hang out with the chimpanzee? So it came out, and I was just sitting out within the parking lot for about half an hour, just me and this chimpanzee right in front of me, looking right in my eyes. It was playing with the buttons on my shirt, and, you know, the trainer was 20 feet away, and I just thought it was so the cutest thing. And then, you know, a few years later, I read about the chimpanzee ripping that, you know, killing people and how violent they are, and you go, man, that is, you know, I had a macaw at one point, which I actually had to get rid of.
You know, big red parrot, you know, a macaw. And I got it when I was 13 months old. And this was my biggest disappointment, I'd say, with a pet, because I had gotten this macaw. It was named Rex. He was on the web show for a period of time.
I was after you were on that time. And I really loved this thing. And I love animals, you know, and I was so fascinated by it because I was realizing, oh, this is a pet that I'm going to have for the rest of my life. And I was all dedicated to this. And I was really kind of somewhat moved by the fact that I was going to be having this beautiful macaw for the rest of my life.
And it would. it would pick my teeth and it would stick its beak in my mouth and, you know, literally like, just kind of put its plate and chew on my ear and all of this kind of stuff. And then all of a sudden, when it got to be about 13 years old, it just became a real asshole. Like it really, really changed. It had been going from this little baby to, I couldn't put my hand in the cage without it really biting hard.
And it almost took my finger off. I had to go in the cage to clean the cage and I couldn't pick it up anymore. And I actually had to find it a new home.
Do you think it just didn't like being in a cage?
I'm sure it didn't. I wouldn't like it myself, you know. And that feels bad too. That's the thing I don't really like about having a macaw.
You're a prison warden. Yeah, exactly.
I started to feel really bad. So I took it back to the bird place where I'd gotten it and they said to me, oh yeah, we don't, it's been 13 years later. You know, I've been spending 75 bucks a month on walnuts for 13 years. Okay. These eat a lot of walnuts.
And then they say, oh yeah, we don't sell macaws anymore, because when they get to be 13,, they change and they become really, really mean. I'm like, well, you could have told me that 13 years ago, but.
So it's like there's an internal.
clock? Yeah. So it's like a puberty thing? Like a puberty thing, yeah. And so I feel bad, but I got her a better home.
That's why it's scary to be in front of a chimp. Because the chimp, they could just decide, I just want to.
fuck this guy up. I have these moments where I think about the time when that macaw would have its beak in my mouth, you know, just months before it could have ripped my face apart sitting with that. But the fanny, this mule, and I have the donkey as well, who was her companion for her, named Kia. She was a two-year-old donkey. And they, the donkey, will live to be 50 potentially.
Oh. And the fanny is a big animal. So she could live to be 30, 35 years old. And so she's 10 now. So it's a big responsibility.
Uh, and I really kind of consider them now, after having them just for a short time, kind of family, you know. It's an amazing thing, but they are the thing that's, I think, the thing that's most interesting about a mule, let me just kind of, we won't talk about mules for the whole show, but you know, the, they are so smart that they figure you out. So I'm new to this. So when I first got her, I was given one day of training on how to ride a horse, you know. So I learned how to saddle her up.
I learned how to get up on the thing. You know, you pull the ring. You look where you want to go. You push with your foot opposite of the side you want to turn. There's a sort of little rhythm to that.
And it went great for about a month, but then she started sort of figuring out that I was sort of uncertain in what I was doing. She started to understand that I didn't know what I was doing. And so she starts testing me, right? And I don't necessarily realize that's what's going on. So...
So when I'd be saddling her up, she would move. So I'd go to saddle her, take the saddle, it's a big saddle, you got to put it up on her back, put a saddle pad on, and you got to put the saddle on, and then she would move into me and kind of push me. And I didn't really know how to prevent that, because she's 1400 pounds. So I'd have to kind of lead her around, try to get her back in position. It became this weird sort of dance of me running around, trying to get the saddle on.
I'd eventually get it on. But what happens is... she ends up losing all respect for me. Because I'm letting her sort of be the leader, right? And so Mule really wants to, wants me to be the leader.
And it's hard for me to be the leader at first, cause I'm uncertain. So they sense, they sense uncertainty. So when I'm riding her and there's wolves at my place in the woods.
Oh fun. Yeah.
I got a story about that too. And there's wolves there. I was showing Jamie before the show, there's a video of them on my trail cams, but she sees them coming out of the woods at night. She doesn't necessarily want to go into the woods. She thinks it's unsafe.
It's not, cause. obviously they're not going to attack her and me. She's a giant mule, but she thinks that. So over time, she started to not want to go in that direction. She stopped wanting to turn left.
And so what would happen is, I would, I started to realize she didn't want to go there. So every time I wanted to go there, I would get nervous. I would feel uncertain. Oh, she's not going to want to go there. She would sense that I was nervous and it would double down and then she wouldn't go in there.
So I had to kind of get into this real sort of sort of a psychological.
retraining, kind of a mule intervention from the people.
that raised her. I have so many questions.
Hold on. Yeah. It's really wild.
It's really interesting, the intricacy of how you figure this out.
Now, did you have any training before you got a mule?
So she was owned by a single owner up in northern Canada, in a place called Thunder Bay, which is about 18 hours drive north of me. Way colder. up there. She's like in Club Med down now in southern Canada. She's probably loving it.
And her owners were Kaya and Lisa, who have a, they breed mules. They're called.
Twister mules. Did you get any training?
They drove her down and we spent about three days. Okay. And they showed me how to saddle her up and they talked to me about it, and I learned as much as one can learn in three days. You know, there's the basics. Right.
There's the basics.
Did you do a lot of it when they were there by yourself? Like they just told you how to do it and you walked over and did it?
They spent time with me for about three days. But this is kind of they're telling me I'm doing quite well because I actually am able to handle this animal now. But it's been an interesting journey since June. I got her in June because
you know, at first it's the very first sort of on the surface way that you ride a mule. is you look where you want to go.
Lightly. pull the rein on if you want to go left, you pull the left rein lightly. If that doesn't work. but you might not even have to pull the rein. you could just look where you want to go and they feel your body shifting.
They sense your intent and you have to look in that direction.
Like Avatar when you link up with.
the dragon. It's like telepathy. for sure. It really is, and you feel it and it's such a really cool feeling when you really get into the pocket with it. So then you pull lightly, then you do a little push with your foot and so that's all sort of very, you know physical stuff and it worked fine for a while.
but then you know I didn't quite understand the overall psychological sort of hierarchy that gets created and a trust level that's created between the mule and myself. The more I screwed up, geez, just even in the barnyard, the more I let her get in my space. You don't ever want to let a mule get in your space. Gets in your space a very sort of.
easy way to control, that is, you can just put your hands up to her eyes like that. You don't even have to touch her. And then they back off. I didn't know that. So I was kind of like I'm pushing it.
Oh boy. Trying to stop. And then it realizes how small you are in comparison. And it realizes how small I am, and it realizes I don't know what I'm doing, and it loses all respect. and so you start to kind of, so once you start to learn a little bit deeper about how to handle those just on the ground with her, then once you get up on her, she has a little bit more respect and is more apt to listen to you.
But it was really interesting because they.
came back. They're really great. They're trying to bring more mules into Canada because they love mules.
And they, you know, there is something very different and special about mules because of their intelligence, and so it's really interesting. They came back and spent some more time with me and we went out on the trail.
and there's... Fannie doesn't like ATVs. So I've got this Polaris side by side that I drive around property on. It's a noisy, you know, ATV four wheel vehicle thing. And they were driving ahead of me and kind of instruct me and I'm following along and we're coming up the trail and they stopped and as we approached the ATV, it's parked on the trail, there's a space on the side, I'm going to ride around the trail but in my head I'm thinking, oh, Fannie's not going to want to go around this ATV.
And we get up there and I try to turn around the ATV by looking, pulling the rein, pushing my leg, she just stops. And when she stops and when she decides she doesn't want to go, this isn't like a little trail riding, you know, carnival horse. She gets going and we'll turn and really kind of get quite, you know, aggressive in a way. Which is kind of exciting though, I've got to tell you. And I was a skateboarder, I had a pretty good balance, so I was kind of interesting.
But the thing that was.
wild about it, so then I go, well, she's not going to want to go around the ATV. I say to Kaya and Lisa, and they say, no, no, well, it's not that she doesn't want to go around the ATV, it's she knows that you think she doesn't want to go around the ATV. You have to think in your head that she wants to go around the ATV. What? Yeah.
Really? Yeah, because when you're subconsciously, whether we know it or not, as human beings, you know, we didn't always have language, right? Right. Someone invented language at some point before that, it was just kind of all this nonverbal communication and energy, right? So you get up to the ATV and if I'm thinking, she's not going to want to go around the ATV, oh look, my whole body just went like that, you know, I sighed, I felt like a sense of defeat, right?
She feels that just through her saddle. It's not total like voodoo, she feels like...
Yeah, but there might be a little bit of voodoo.
Possibly as well, I mean, there's a magic.
to it. It seems like you can't attribute all that to body.
She feels it and she's so smart that, so a horse doesn't necessarily sense that as easily as a mule, like, quite a bit less easily. So that's why people say mules are stubborn, because they're sensing all of these little nonverbal cues that a horse might just be apt to say, oh, he pulled on the reins, so I'm going to go that way. He pushed his foot, so I'm going to go that way. So, and that's why also mules are also extremely.
they're used in war and they're used in Grand Canyon trail riding and things like this. because you know, if a horse is walking along the edge of a cliff and a snake jumps out, the horse might be apt to just jump the other way off the cliff, killing itself. Whereas a mule will instantly identify cliff that way, snake that way, danger. both ways, mule will kill the snake. It'll stomp out the snake.
So, or at least won't jump off the cliff. So it's... That's way better. Yeah, better.
I think we should just all have mules. All have mules.
You should get a mule. You should get a mule.
I definitely would not have the time to be training a mule. It seems like that's... Here's my question, though. This is the other question I got to remember. Why would you think that the wolves would not attack the mule?
Well, it's not, first of all...
Because, like, if she's scared of the wolves, you know, I think she should be scared of the wolves.
You know, donkeys and mules, especially donkeys and mules, have donkeys, so they're actually used a lot as.
livestock protection animals. So, cause they'll stomp out a coyote or a wolf. So a lot of farmers get them, put them in with their sheep and they'll actually protect the herd. That's awesome. So it's not impossible, but it is pretty uncommon that.
coyotes, and in my area, the wolves are not gray wolves, they're timber wolves. So they're not, you know, as big. But they're big enough, though. They're about the size of huskies.
So they mostly kill like deer and
deer and smaller stuff.
They don't try for elk or anything like that. Because the big gray wolves will take.
out elks. Yeah, I'm sure they take out moose. Yeah, absolutely.
Moose are so big, man. For a wolf to take out a moose, that's crazy.
Yeah, yeah. These are my trail cams.
at my place. Oh wow, drop a deuce right there on your trail cam, staring you in the eye. That's an alpha move right there, son. I guarantee that's the alpha. He knows, he knows you got that trail camera.
He's like, Tom Green, check this out.
bitch. Shit, right in front of your camera. So it's, you know, it's the only way to know 100% for certain that they're wolves and not a hybrid. I know you know all about this, Joe, but, like the coy wolves, is to do a DNA test.
Coy wolf is kind of a misnomer, you know, because the coyote is a wolf. Yeah. The reason why the coyote spread so far across the country is because they have like a built in mechanism to protect them from gray wolves, because gray wolves would kill the coyotes. Yeah. Whereas the red wolves in the east coast would breed with the coyotes, and that's where you got the coy wolf.
I think they're viable. I think when they breed, they can breed. Oh yeah. I don't think they're like a donkey or like a mule.
rather. You mean a coyote and a wolf.
I think when the, like the coy wolves, whatever they call them, coy wolves, I think they're viable. I think they have babies.
Yeah, absolutely. No, they are for sure. Yeah.
It's not really. it's not different. Kind of like.
two different kind of dogs or something. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah, because I've been.
getting some information about this from a wolf researcher up who lives near me, and he has sort of put out some trail cams and we've actually laid out some.
fur traps that can get a little bit of their fur and we're going to send it for a DNA sample to find out exactly the percentage of DNA that wolf to coyote that we have here. Because, yeah, it's kind of, I don't know, you live out in the wilderness, you know, you find these kinds of things are, I find it quite interesting to just kind of, really kind of, dive into it deep. Oh, it's.
fascinating. You're out of there in the real wild. You're in the wild where there's packs of predators.
in your neighborhood. And I wish I had bear footage right now, but it's not online, but this year I put out my trail cams and I got, like I'd say, a little more than a half dozen distinct different bears on that exact trail. Which is, you know, on my property right by my.
house. Brown bear or black bear? Black bear.
Yeah, yeah. We don't have grizzlies out east, so it's just in Canada, even it's all...
Not yet. The liberals will try to reintroduce them. You need more things to be scared of. We're talking about bringing grizzlies back to California.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want you to come to Canada, Joe. I know you haven't come to Canada lately, but you gotta come to Canada. Because here's the thing, I watch the show all the time, so I know your feelings about Canada, but here's the thing.
Everybody loves you in Canada. You know, so it's... I'm coming down here. Everybody's so stoked that I'm here.
I love Canadians. I just hate their government. How do you say his last name? Polivere?
Yeah, well, it's French, so it's... I don't think he's French, but the name's French. Pierre Poliev. Poliev. That's sort of a weird, silent R.
Yeah, it's a strange... As you see it written down, it's very difficult to remember.
Poliev. Poliev.
That guy makes so much more sense. He's so common sense and just calling out all the nonsense that's been done under this administration. It's just so sad to watch.
So this is the thing that I kind of, I guess, just wanted to throw out there, which is
it's not unlike here in the U.S., right? You've got Biden as president now, right? And then you've got, essentially, a Democrat. We actually call our Democrats the liberals, right? That's so unabashed.
We are liberal. up there. We actually call the party the Liberal Party. It's not a bad word. up there, right?
We actually call them the liberals.
And the other ones are conservatives.
But it's the same thing. Half the country hates the party in power right now, just as much as anybody. And it's just a constant thing, and they want to get them out.
I just want to, as a proud Canadian, want to throw out the distinction that Canada's... It's like here. It's the same bullshit that's here. Everybody's arguing about issues, important issues. It's being reinforced through these algorithms.
People get mad about it, and then they start arguing.
I sometimes kind of go, wouldn't it be interesting if Pierre Polyev won the next election, right? Because then, all of a sudden, we'd have a conservative government up there, and let's say, Biden won down here. You've got a conservative government up there, and then Tucker Carlson might be going up to Canada talking about how great we are, all of a sudden. You know? It just can switch on a dime, you know?
It could go back.
And it has before. I've had... There's been, in my lifetime, Joe Clark was the first conservative prime minister. Then there was Brian Mulroney, and Stephen Harper was pretty recent. Anyways, I don't like talking politics, but I do...
I did bring something about Canada that I love. I want to... It's a good thing.
I'm trying not to talk politics too much, because it's like...
It's gross.
Everybody gets all mad, you know? I just... I kind of think... Wouldn't it be cool if the new thing became... people start to realize that the division is almost worse than what we're arguing about?
Well, the division is absolutely worse than what we're arguing about. Most people want good things.
This is for you and your family. A huge... I brought one for us too, just to try. This is the freshest, best Canadian maple syrup made by my friends, the Conboys. Shout out to Ryan and Jason, George and Darlene.
They make this on their property. They have thousands of maple trees tapped. This is a family-run business. They've been doing this for hundreds of years. That is a lot of work.
Yeah, it's a whole...
Maple syrup... I've watched people make maple syrup on YouTube. It's a lot of work. It's crazy how much work is involved.
It's really kind of incredible to go see how they do it, because they've built these... I can't describe it properly, but... reverse osmosis machines, where they have tubes coming with the sap from all the... In the spring, the sap starts flowing, comes through these tubes from all through the woods on their property. It runs out to their barn, where they have these machines that do something called reverse osmosis.
I don't know what it does exactly, but they have to do it. And then it goes into this giant vat with fires, with wood-burned fires, and they boil the sap down until it becomes thicker and there's more sugar content, and then you have this delicious syrup. But I brought a couple of...
It's literally the blood of trees that you pour on pancakes. Are we going to drink it? Like in shot glasses?
As opposed to drinking whiskey until we're on the floor this time.
I never made it to the floor, sir. You made it to the floor.
I maintain a level of motion.
and the ability to conversate.
Oh, my gosh, okay.
Dude, that's diabetes in a shot glass.
We'll just do a shot, but I want you to see. this is real maple syrup, Canadian maple syrup. It's Conboy maple syrup. They're my friends. They're the best, best friends that you'd ever want.
And it's not your manufactured, processed shit. Cheers.
Do you have to do it like a shot?
Yeah, you can, absolutely.
Oh my God, I can't drink this whole thing. It's really good, though.
Pour it on some pancakes.
It just makes you think. How much sugar are you getting from pancakes with a pile of maple syrup on it? You're getting a fuck-ton of sugar. How much sugar is in... What is a shot glass?
How many ounces is that?
I should know this.
Let's just see how much sugar is in one ounce of maple syrup.
Yeah.
God, how could you drink that?
You don't really drink maple syrup, right? We're just doing it for a gag. Pour it on your pancakes.
It's amazing how good it tastes on your pancakes.
No, it's good in coffee. Put it in your coffee in the morning. Wow. I keep a big jug of it.
17 grams in a shot glass. And I guarantee you, if I'm having pancakes, I am drowning those bitches.
I'll get you more whenever you need some. It's the best. It's different than...
Waffles. with that on it? Lots of butter.
Up to 20..
Okay, 20.. If I'm having pancakes, I'm having 120. at least. I'm pouring a bunch of maple syrup on that shit. Six ounces?
Yeah, easy. Easy. six ounces. Like a glass of it. I'm getting in between the stack.
Pouring a little in there.
It's just a nice little boost. A little energy boost.
It's for like five minutes. Then you're in a coma for the rest of the day.
Yeah, absolutely.
But I guess if you're out there on your farm fucking throwing hay around all day, you're exhausted.
I did this. This summer. in August, I have some fields with hay. We cut the fields.
I have some local farmers that helped me cut the fields to square bales.
So you're really farming. Farming for real, for real.
Farming hay for my animals. I had 580 bales of hay off the property this year. We had to lift it all, carry it all onto a hay wagon. I'm going to figure out a way to do it a little differently next year. Normally, the farmers that have done my property for years, they've been doing it with these big circle round bales.
But I wanted to get square bales this year because it's easier to handle for the horses, the mules and the donkey every day. Every day I go to the barn, I pick up a bale, feed about a bale and a half of hay a day. It's cool because.
from May, June till about the end of September, you don't even have to feed them. They're just out in the pasture eating grass. Which I often think about when you think about vegetarians and you go, how do you put on muscle? and you can look at this giant animal. all it's doing is eating grass all day, and they're massive.
But yeah, I've got to figure out a better way to get it in the barn this year. They have to eat it all day long.
That's the difference between eating meat and eating grass. Predators eat and then they sleep all day. You watch a donkey, those motherfuckers are just eating all day long. They have to eat all day long. They're always eating.
Because there's not a lot of protein in that food. It's got to break down in their weird digestive tract.
Yeah.
Undulate digestive tract.
So Fanny and Kia come from a pasture that had 20 other animals in it to my place, where they're just there by themselves with the whole field to themselves. So Fanny was putting on some weight last summer. I have to now kind of monitor how much she's out in the pasture.
I should correct myself. Undulates are cows and shit. I'm thinking of cows.
Right. The weird stomachs and stuff. I'm not exactly sure how the stomachs work on these.
I don't know how they work on equines. But I know that to think that you could get that jacked eating vegetables is ridiculous.
Right. That's what I was kind of thinking.
Vegans always like to make that comparison.
Look at gorillas.
They eat nothing but vegetables. They have a totally different body.
They're also not humans. They're not human beings.
It doesn't mean if you ate what a fucking horse eats, you'd look like a horse, you dumbass. You're not a horse. And also, do you know how annoying that would be? To have to eat grass all day?
It doesn't sound like a blast. Not a lot of variety there. I have cookies for them. I have a vitamin sort of a vitamin mix that I give them every day.
Is variation to their diet good, though? Like for some animals, when you...
You've got, for instance, apples. I have apple trees at the property and that's one of the places she loves to walk towards the apple tree. There's apples on the ground. You can feel her pulling towards the apple tree. But you don't want her to eat a bunch of apples because that can create acid in their stomach and they can get sick.
I was wondering that. What happens to them in the wild, though, if they find a bunch of apples?
Yeah, it's interesting. I'm not sure.
I don't know the answer to that. But maybe they somehow self-regulate when they're left to their own. But you can feed them carrots. One thing, I haven't done this yet, but I understand that they really like, I was just told, because I'm actually thinking, what kind of variety can I give the ladies? They really like a frozen watermelon to be tossed into there.
Bears. like that too. We went to a grizzly bear. I guess it's just like a conservation center where they have these enormous, it's in Montana,
they're like captive, but it's really an enormous.
construction thing. And the bears have like swimming pools and shit, and they would roll them out, these frozen watermelons, and watch them bite through a frozen watermelon will scare the living fuck out of you. Because they go through it like it's nothing.
A grizzly does that. I've seen hippopotamus do it on YouTube, but a grizzly does that too.
I think most of the time hippos are doing it, it's not with a frozen one. But they were saying that this bear's favorite treat is frozen watermelons, so you give them a frozen watermelon and you just go through it like it's a grape.
See, grizzlies are terrifying. I.
admit that I am also actually
probably. it's probably not really warranted or in fear, but I am nervous about these black bears on the property.
You should be nervous, what are you talking about?
They do attack people occasionally.
They will attack you. And if black bears attack you, they're attacking you to eat you.
It's a little bit different. Statistically, the odds are in my favor, I think it's not as, like grizzlies. they've attacked a lot of people, I think black bears maybe only attack like one person a year, or something like that.
They attack people. I mean there's a guy who got killed over by Rutgers in New Jersey and he was killed by a black bear. And there was a friend of a buddy of mine's went hunting for his very first trip. He was in his tent at night and a 500 pound predatory black bear tried to remove him from the tent. And his friend shot the bear and accidentally shot his friend in the wrist.
So he got shot in the wrist with a rifle. The bear gets shot, the bear runs off after it gets shot and then they don't, I think they recovered it. I think it's dead. But imagine your first night ever camping in a tent and a black bear tries to pull you out and eat.
you. So I think sometimes people bring food in their tent, that's one common mistake.
Yeah, your food, bitch. Your food. Your food in the tent. Your pigs in a blanket.
That is one thing. that is why they go in the tent a lot, they smell someone brought their sandwich in the tent or whatever. That's true.
Yeah, no, I mean look, I'm right there with you. There's something about it, though, that, well you know, when you're out there in nature and you kind of, your sort of natural.
instincts, kicking where you feel it. And the fact that there is something unpredictable and that you don't understand out there is kind of exciting. You know, like the fact that there is. you know, I'm not really truly expecting to get attacked by a bear, but you know, your senses are on alert, you're listening into the woods, you know they're there. You know they know you're there and they've probably left, but maybe this is the one time where they're walking along with their cub and you get in the wrong position at the wrong time.
And so often, when I go for a walk, I have a bear spray on me. I sometimes, you know, have a rifle on me. I don't carry it with me every time I leave the house, but I've got a few rifles and that I, you know, I might. I've not really been a hunter, you know, in my life, but I kind of so many people around me, you know, the country, everybody hunts, and I think I'm going to.
maybe... How much land do you have?
150 acres. So it's kind of... You can certainly hunt on that. Yeah, and there's deer, and it's quite, it's quite, um, something that I never really expected to kind of live like that, but it's really kind of interesting. and then it backs on to lots of, you know, thousands and thousands of acres of protected wilderness, so they
Are you allowed to hunt back there?
Yeah, and on my property too, so
What is the tag allocation like? Do you get landowner tags? Do you get tags because you're a resident of the area?
You still have to get a hunting license. so in Canada, you know, it's. if you want to get a rifle, first of all, it's completely different than in Texas, right? You can't just go buy one, you have to go take, it's like getting your driver's license. essentially, you have to go, take, you have to write a test and you have to pass it, and you have to do a course, a safety course, and then you have to send that into the RCMP, the Canadian, you know the Mounties, right?
They review it and then, a couple months later, you get your.
non-restricted firearms license, which allows you to go buy a rifle. I've been collecting lever action rifles, you know, so I've got just, you know, I'm relatively new to this, but you know, when I was out in the desert, I had a shotgun with me, I had a hunting license. when I was in New Mexico, I was trying to hunt some quail, never saw a bird, though, so it was. you know, I was hunting, but I never saw anything, so I didn't really do, it's hard, I was still hunting, but I never saw anything, but yeah, so it's it's.
that's why trying to think of what I want to tell you here, Joe, that's why I think I really would love you to come up to Canada sometime and visit, maybe, and come up and do some shows up there, people would love to see you, and there's just such a huge.
outdoors, hunting, fishing culture. that's what being Canadian is, once you get out of the city, right? It's people are just. people love to hunt, people love to fish, I go ice fishing with my friends, we go set up a... Didn't?
they put new?
restrictions on firearms up there?
They just banned handguns, absolutely yeah, but not rifles, yeah, which is pretty extreme from an American standpoint, certainly I mean to think that... So, if you own?
handguns, do you have to get rid of them? No.
you're not allowed to sell them to anybody and you're stuck with them, so it's that, and that's probably the biggest biggest.
change. that's happened in, you know, there is also no automatic weapons up there, so you can't get an AR-15, for example.
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