self-discipline [video]

Now, it's pretty obvious that being healthy, having loved ones around and being creative would be present during a fulfilling period of life. But self-discipline is a little bit less obvious. But yet, when I reflect on the most fulfilling times of my life thus far, it is undeniable that having discipline plays a huge role in the good times of my life. Now, when you look up the definition of self-discipline, you'll discover it says self-discipline is the ability to control one's feelings and overcome one's weaknesses. The ability to pursue what one thinks is right, despite temptations to abandon it. In my own words, I feel like self-discipline is simply put, striving towards an ultimate goal in life.

Now, your ultimate goal could be just to be a good person, or your ultimate goal could be to help people in a certain way. Or your ultimate goal could be to start a family. Or your ultimate goal could be a combination of ten different things. And sometimes our ultimate goal changes over time, you know, your ultimate goal can be different every day. For all I freaking care, okay? But I think having discipline is striving towards an ultimate goal, in striving towards being the best person you can be.

That's sort of what it's rooted in.

Now, having self-discipline in your life can look like many things, you know, for me, it's getting my work done on time, taking care of my body, being responsible, sticking to my morals, treating people right, doing things that make myself proud. Even when they're challenging, trying to better myself, even when it's challenging. You know, that's probably what it looks like for a lot of people. But see if discipline was as easy to master as just forcing yourself to do what's right and forcing yourself to take the steps to reach your ultimate goal. Then the episode would be over and we would have nothing more to talk about. If it was easy to have discipline, there wouldn't be an episode about it.

But discipline is complicated, because not only is it challenging to have in the first place, but it's also at times challenging to not have too much discipline. I almost think it's empty advice to tell someone they need to have discipline in their life, because that fails to explain what it means to have a productive and healthy level of discipline. But what I found in my life is that I'm constantly fighting to stay at that perfect, healthy level. I'm almost always a little bit too far in one direction, and that's why it's so complicated.

Just as much as we need to have discipline, we also need to treat ourselves gently and with compassion. And when analyzed at the surface level, discipline and compassion are opposites, they're complete opposites.

So it's not easy to sort out how to have both. You know, it takes a little bit of thinking, right? Because it's a contradiction. The same person who will be like, you just need some discipline in your life and then everything will fall into place. Will also say three minutes later, you need to be gentle with yourself. And again, on the surface level, those two things are opposites.

But see, it is possible to find the perfect balance. And although compassion and discipline are somewhat opposites by definition, when both are present in one's inner mind, it can be pretty magical.

It's incredibly challenging at times to find the balance, and it can take a lot of work and practice and trial and error. But I would argue it's worth figuring out because it can improve quality of life quite a bit. And when I look at all the best times in my life thus far, a healthy balance between discipline and compassion with myself was present every single time. When I think of my own definition of having a healthy level of discipline. I think of knowing when to push yourself and knowing when to rest, because you can't always let yourself slack off, right? There are times when you wake up and you're like, I don't want to do that last minute. Little bit of studying. Or I don't want to get a little bit of work done. Or I don't want to go exercise, or I don't want to go make myself a nutritious breakfast, or I don't want to go call my mom.

Even though we haven't talked in a while, we're faced with a lot of things every day that we don't want to do.

And a lot of times those are things that we should be doing, and I think a lot of times we need to use discipline in our lives. To get up and do the shit that we got to do, to be a good person and to reach our ultimate goal in life. But then again, there are days when using discipline will push us over the edge. We can't handle it, we're exhausted.

We've, you know, been using discipline all week and we're tired and we just want to give ourselves a break for a day and that's the problem. It's so challenging to know when to push and to know when to give yourself a break. And it's even more challenging. Because sometimes we'll convince ourselves that we deserve a break when we don't. And we need to have discipline even more in those moments.

But then sometimes there are moments when we truly do need a break, truly, and in that break, we'll allow for recharging so that we can get back on track. And it's hard because in our eyes, it can look the same. When we're convincing ourselves that we need a break, when we don't, and when we actually need a break, those two things can look almost identical.

But I think what it really comes down to is learning to be honest with yourself, if you push yourself to analyze why you don't want to do a certain thing. You can figure out whether it's because you truly need a break, or if it's just because you're just not really in the mood. But you could do it, but you're just not really in the mood. And I think it's teaching yourself how to dig deep and analyze your own mind in that way.

I also sometimes try to push through moments where I'm like, Oh, I just don't want to do this or whatever. I don't. I just want to take the easy way out today, like, I just don't want to. I just don't want to have discipline today, you know, I try to push through it and I see what happens to me emotionally, so if I'm feeling somewhat. I don't like to use the word lazy because I just don't think that that's the right word to use.

But it's hard. Maybe unmotivated? Okay, that's good. If I'm feeling somewhat unmotivated. I just try to push through and do what I have to do. Anyway, at least get started and then I watch and see how I react. If once I get started, I pick up speed and I'm able to get into it and I'm able to get into the swing of things and do what I got to do.

Now I know okay. I was kind of making an excuse in my own mind, trying to convince myself that I needed a break when I really didn't. I just was kind of unmotivated, but if I use discipline and push myself to do what I got to do, even when feeling unmotivated. And then I can't get into the swing of things and I start getting upset and things aren't clicking, then I know, Okay, wait a minute. I need a break. But I always try to figure out whether I'm making an excuse or whether I really need a break before I make a decision.

Because I would say, 50 of the time I discover I was just kind of unmotivated, for whatever reason, I was just kind of unmotivated. But getting started and actually doing what I had to do over the course of the day made me feel happier.

Whereas when I truly need a break, taking a break is what leads me to a happier end of the day. Rather than pushing through a time when I really, really needed a break and making myself more and more miserable and broken down than I needed to be, you see what I'm saying. I also think having a healthy level of discipline involves being forgiving with yourself. When you do make excuses and you don't do what you're supposed to do. And you're not working towards your ultimate goal, and you're not being the best person, I think you have to balance discipline with forgiveness.

You can't move past mistakes unless you forgive yourself and move on. So part of this process is letting yourself fuck up, forgiving yourself. And then doing better tomorrow, but truly doing better tomorrow. And that's where the plot thickens here.

Because it is crucial to be forgiving with yourself, but it's also crucial to be firm with yourself and to be like, all right. Well, you know, we kind of slacked off a little bit, but now we got to get back on the horse and do it. Because I think sometimes we forgive ourselves and then we're like, Well, now it took fresh, clean slate. So if I fuck up again tomorrow, then I'll just forgive myself again tomorrow, and that's not good either, you know? But see, you can't not forgive yourself.

Because if you don't forgive yourself for having a moment where you didn't have discipline and you weren't doing the right thing and you weren't getting shit done. Whatever. The problem with not forgiving yourself is that you're making yourself upset and insecure and uncertain in a way that doesn't get you anywhere. That just causes you pain that you're going to need to heal before you can jump back on the horse and get back to doing what you got to do, you know? So, instead of you forgiving yourself and then hopping back on the horse when you don't forgive yourself, you have to wallow in that pain for a while, then eventually forgive yourself. Then you can get back on the horse. See, it elongates the process to get to the same final result, which is getting back on the horse and getting your shit together. You know what I mean? And I think the last characteristic of healthy discipline is having realistic expectations for yourself.

If you think having discipline means to wake up at 5 a.

M Every morning and drink a green juice and go to hot yoga, then go to your job and then work all day, and then come home. And then make a perfect dinner, and then serve it to your significant other. And then do another yoga class and then work on some art, and then meditate for six hours, and then go to bed and then wake up. Like, that is unrealistic, OK, you might think this is discipline. This is doing what I need to do to live the best life and be the best person and reach my goals. But it's like, Yeah, no human can do that. So if you start setting your expectations too high and you misinterpret healthy discipline, you will just end up burnt out and worse off.

So that's what I think healthy discipline looks like, but I would say it's harder than ever to find a healthy level of discipline. Because there are so many things today that are easy, enjoyable, convenient, entertaining.

Addicting, and we're constantly being sucked into using these things, and it's even harder to have discipline and self-control. You know, we have online shopping, when we don't want to get work done, we can go on our computer and online shop all we want. We're hungry.

We could just order food delivery instead of going into the kitchen and making something creative and fun. We're about to fall asleep, but we want a little bit of entertainment. Why read a book when you could just watch TV? We're bored at a social event. Well, we can just whip out our phones and scroll through Instagram and be social that way.

We don't need to be social around us, we have it right in our hand or whatever. I think our tolerance for discomfort and discipline can be uncomfortable, and usually is uncomfortable. I think our tolerance for discomfort has gone down because technology has made our lives so much easier.

And before technology, you had to have incredible levels of discipline. If you wanted to eat, if you wanted to have shelter, if you wanted to drink water, if you wanted to entertain your children, you had to have discipline and you had to take action to make these things happen. And see, if you're used to having to use a lot of discipline to feed yourself and provide shelter for yourself, then it's easy to have discipline in other ways.

You know, when you're used to it, then it's easy all of this to say. I think it's more important now than ever to try to have some discipline because it's sort of a lost art. We don't have to have nearly as much discipline anymore. And I would argue it's a muscle, almost, it's like a mental muscle.

Being able to have discipline with yourself, it's something that gets stronger over time. The more that you use it, the stronger that it gets. I've noticed this within myself. the more that I practice discipline with myself, the easier that it gets.

Over the course of my life, I've gotten progressively better at having discipline with myself. And in moments when I'm really working on improving in that area of my life. I notice like a strength there, like the discipline in my brain becomes stronger, and I feel it happening. Like, I'll give you an example.

When I started prioritizing exercise again in my life a few years ago, I noticed in the beginning it was so fucking hard for me to get up and go and work out. But I knew that it made me feel good and I knew it was good for my body, like, I knew it was good and I knew I could do it. But when I first started, it was so hard for me to motivate, it was like excruciating to get myself out of bed to go exercise.

And the truth was, I had no excuse. OK, I was healthy, I was not overly exhausted, I wasn't overworked, I had no reason to be taking a break.

When I first started exercising, it was like every time I would try to go and work out, I was like, I can't like. It was really hard for me and I truly did not have an excuse, and I knew that, OK, I knew I had no excuse.

So I would push through that excruciating pain mentally, and I'd go and do what I had to do. And afterwards, I would feel incredible, I would feel accomplished and I would feel satisfied. And over time, it got so much easier to just get up, go exercise, and it just sort of became an automatic thing.

And I didn't need to use as much discipline to go and do that. And nowadays, when I have a moment where I'm like, I can't exercise, like I'm too exhausted. I know that that's my body telling me the truth because I'm at a point now where I'm just used to using discipline, I guess. So now, when my brain speaks up and says, Hey, we need a break here in this area of life, I know that it's telling me the truth. Because that muscle is so strong at this point in my brain, this discipline muscle is so strong in my brain at this point. That when it folds and says, we can't do this anymore, I'm like, OK, fair, we're backing off. Then. Now I'm just referring to the exercise portion of my life, right? that that's one portion.

I feel like I have a hundred different discipline muscles in my brain for every different category of my life. That's just one example, but it's a muscle that we can teach how to work even better. And I think now, more than ever, it's an important thing to work on. Now let's discuss why it's so important to have discipline. Let's really get into the weeds. I've scratched the surface, but let's dive in, OK, let's dive in and really break down.

Why? It's truly so important to have discipline, I think one of the most impactful.

Results would be the self-confidence and self-respect that you're able to develop through discipline. When you prove to yourself that you can fight against urges that go against your ultimate goal. It shows you that you're strong and that you can do whatever you set your mind to, and that you care about yourself.

In a way, when you use discipline, you're using discipline for your future self in a way to benefit your future self. Because the choices that you make in the present moment rarely negatively affect you in the present moment, usually they negatively affect future you. Now it's weird to think of yourself as multiple people, but in a way you kind of are using. Discipline means doing the right thing now, so you and the future can have a better life in a way. And so when you make a good choice, a disciplined choice in the moment.

Your future self will benefit from that, and look back at your past self and say, I fuck with that person. Because they use discipline and they did the right thing in the moment and they got their shit done, they did what they had to do, they use discipline. And now I'm happier and more fulfilled and less stressed out as a result, therefore I appreciate that person in my experience. That's how it helps to build self-respect and self-confidence.

Mic drop. That's all I have to say about that.

I also have found that a more disciplined life is a more enjoyable life. Participating in activities that require discipline are usually challenging, for example, confronting a friend about something that they did that hurt your feelings.

Asking for a raise at work, finishing a complicated project, working towards running a marathon, whatever it may be. OK. Things that require discipline are challenging, but the thing about challenge is that it is crucial and necessary in order to experience true relaxation.

Relaxation doesn't exist without challenge, it's like how happiness cannot exist without sadness. If you don't challenge yourself, then you don't get to enjoy relaxing. Because the reason why relaxing is enjoyable is because you're comparing it to the challenges that you've experienced. I like to work really hard before I go on vacation, not because I'm trying to get everything done before I leave, although that's part of it, but because I want to really enjoy my vacation. And I found that when I really, really, really push myself and work really hard and get a lot done and I'm as productive as I possibly can be. Before I go on vacation, I enjoy the vacation so much more because I really, really need that relaxation.

I like soak it up in a way that is unbelievable. Because the week prior, I had just pushed myself incredibly hard, and the week prior I had been challenged in a big way. I feel like the relaxing, enjoyable moments in life become even more relaxing and even more enjoyable when they're able to be compared to the challenging times and the grueling times.

I also think a disciplined life means a better managed life in terms of time management. And when you're able to manage your time properly. You're able to get more done in a shorter amount of time, which then leaves you more time to do things that are enjoyable. Thus, leading back to this point, which is a disciplined life is a more enjoyable life. You get to have more enjoyable moments when you free up time by being disciplined with your time. OK, never saying the word time again. I also think discipline leads to a healthier life for multiple reasons.

Number one, harmful things can make us feel really good in the moment. there are so many harmful things that make us feel very good in the moment. And a lot of those things require an incredible amount of discipline to avoid. And although most things are harmless and even arguably healthy in moderation, sometimes. Making sure we don't overdo it with anything in life, especially things that can be harmful when overused, is crucial for a healthy life. I'll give you some examples because that was kind of hard to follow.

Social media can be harmful, it can absolutely be harmful. Can it be healthy or neutral in moderation? Absolutely absolutely.

But social media is addictive. So in order to keep it in the healthy and neutral category, we have to have discipline with ourselves. We can't let ourselves scroll on social media all day as much as our brains want us to. We have to use discipline to keep social media healthy and neutral, because it can be in that category, it just requires discipline.

All of this, to say potentially harmful things, or just straight up harmful things, can make us feel really good in the moment. And when we suffer is 24 hours later, or a week later, or a month later, or even sometimes 10 years later. Avoiding things, or finding a healthy balance with things that have the potential to be harmful, requires discipline. But long term leads us to a physically and mentally healthier life. But I also think discipline can lead us to a healthier life through stress management. Interestingly enough, having discipline directly impacts how we manage our lives, right?

And when we have our life management under control, we're just naturally less stressed a lot of times, and less stress means a healthier life. Because stress is not healthy. OK, you will never hear a doctor say when you are stressed out, that's healthy.

So managing our life with discipline means making sure we get our work done on time. Being honest with others up front, not letting negative feelings fester, getting them out in the open, speaking our minds, spending money responsibly, avoiding toxic habits, trying to avoid procrastination, etc. We can't always do all of those things perfectly, it's impossible, but when we're doing our best, using discipline to do so, a lot of times, we'll find ourselves in a much more calm state of mind. Because we feel in control somewhat of our lives, we feel like we're doing what we can to live the best life that we can.

And that feels good because you feel in control in a way that's somewhat healthy, if not completely healthy, and that's calming. And when you're calm, you're less stressed, and when you're less stressed, you're just naturally healthier, you're living a healthier life.

I also think discipline leads to well-earned success, it's a fact that a certain level of discipline is required to have. Success in any category of life, not just money, not just career, any category. Success in dating, success in friendship, success in parenting, success in finances, maybe success in, you know, career, sure, but it's really just success. Across the board, a level of discipline is usually required.

The reason why I say discipline leads to well-earned success is because I think you can cheat your way to success. For example, you can manipulate your significant other into thinking that you're a certain way, so that they marry you. And then once you guys are married, your true colors come out. And technically, you had success in your love life because you got married, but in reality, you kind of didn't, because you kind of just conned somebody into marrying you.

That's an example there. Another example would be, maybe you're incredibly successful on the surface level in your career, you make a lot of money, you have a super prestigious job. But if you were to look at the skeletons in the closet, turns out you sabotaged a bunch of people to get there.

You treated a bunch of people like shit to get there. Both of those scenarios are examples of success that was not well-earned. And the problem with success that is not well-earned is that it will be lost just as quickly as it was gained. And that's not the type of success that you want in this life, I'll tell you that.

Cheating your way to success, cutting corners to reach success. It's not cute. It doesn't end well. And even when you think it ends well, even when you think someone got away with it. They probably didn't, they probably didn't.

Actually, I would argue they didn't. That's just not how it works. And I think, in order to experience well-earned success, plug in your definition of success. It's different for everybody and I want to be clear, it doesn't mean money or career.

Success just means doing well in what you wanted to do well in in some way. Success is very open to interpretation in my opinion. So don't think I mean, you know, if you want to be the next movie star, you need to have discipline. It's like, that's not everybody's definition of success.

So please think of your own definition of success when I'm saying this. Well-earned success requires a level of discipline, and the definition of success is up to you. Moving on. Last but not least, discipline sort of indirectly inspires a socially fulfilling life.

And this is because discipline makes you a better friend, it makes you a better significant other. It makes you a better family member. It makes you a better companion overall, because it requires discipline. To be a good companion. To be a good companion, you need to be a good communicator, which is challenging and uncomfortable at times.

You need to have control over your ego, because ego can really get in the way of a relationship. You need to be honest and upfront, You need to be reliable, You need to control your emotions to an extent.

You know, so much discipline is required in maintaining a relationship because it's a union of two people and no two people are exactly the same. So there's always going to be something that you disagree about, there's always going to be something that gets miscommunicated, there's always going to be something that the other person doesn't like. Like, it's impossible to have a perfectly smooth relationship.

Like, it just doesn't happen. There's going to be bumps in the road and in order to get through those bumps and come out stronger on the other end, you need to use discipline to get through those times in a way that's conducive to moving forward.

Not using discipline during relationship challenges would mean lying, being mean ignoring someone when they don't necessarily deserve it, just cutting them off and not giving them the time of day. You know, there's so many ways that you can fail to use discipline in a relationship and then just ruin the relationship altogether. It requires discipline and humility to maintain a relationship. And so if you're instilling discipline in your life in all areas of your life, then naturally you're going to be striving to have discipline in your relationships as well. Which will in turn create stronger relationships, which will in turn give you a much more socially fulfilling life because you'll just have more people around. Now. The last thing I'm going to discuss is what you don't want to do.

Because, listen, I could talk all day about how great having discipline is, but it would all mean nothing if I didn't also discuss what it looks like to have unhealthy levels of discipline. It's super easy to swing the other direction and become too extreme about having discipline. To a point where you're actually ruining your quality of life by being so strict with yourself that all of the potential positives that could come from having discipline are erased. Because you have tunnel vision about your goals. And it drives you to this extreme point where you never give yourself a moment to relax, you never give yourself a moment to indulge. And you burn out, you burn out, you become miserable. And it wasn't even worth it.

Yeah, that's all I have to say. All right. Oh, you guys, let me have a sip of my matcha latte.

What have I been doing? Well, I've been drinking coffee instead, but my god, a fucking matcha latte at 530 p..m. on a fucking Wednesday. This is delicious, my God, it's delicious.

Wow, what an inspiring experience. That's all I have to say today. Okay, thank you all so much for listening.

I hope that you enjoyed this episode. you got something positive out of this episode. As always, let me know what you think. You can tweet me at AG Podcast or send me a message on Instagram at anything goes.

You can check out my personal Instagram at Emma Chamberlain to see what I've been up to on a personal level. You can check out my coffee company, Chamberlain Coffee. go to chamberlaincoffee.com. You can pick up some matcha, we have tea too.

Not just coffee, we have tea, too. I'm drinking a matcha latte right now, just plain classic matcha latte, delicious.

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Please tune in, please come hang out. I always love to have you and I just, you know what, I really appreciate all of you.

And I hope you have the most beautiful day, and if it's not beautiful, don't worry, you'll have a beautiful day soon. OK, talk to you later.

Talk to you later.