Armchair Anonymous: Wild Card IV

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. We love Armchair Anonymous. We especially love today. Wild card. Wild card.

I think it evolves too. Like, when you're little, little, you like hot lunch, but then when you get into high school and you know about food.

Oh, no. I liked it even more in high school, because then you could go up and there were options. You could always get fries. What about high school? Remember the pizza?

It depends on the pizza. There was, like Schwan's Pizza that had that. It's just a different way to prepare it.

At school. Yeah, not...

We had circular.

Yeah, us too. Yeah. No, we had cubes. And you had rectangle with cubes. I like that, because they could get crispy like bacon, lardon or whatever they're called.

I like both now, though. Oh, yeah. Like, if you put square cube with circular pepperoni?

Yeah, but that's because that's like high quality ingredients. Anywho. Anywho, there's no pizza stories in this one. There is not. There is not.

Hello. Can y'all hear me?

Wonderfully. Can you hear us?

I can. Hi.

Susan or Suzanne?

I am Suzanne. I am from Wilburn, Georgia. Right near Monica.

You sound familiar.

Oh, okay. I don't know if I like that, because I'm originally from New Jersey, but I've been in the South for 20, some odd years. But I still like to think that I don't have that Southern soul.

Hey, you picked it up a little bit.

Yeah, I did a little bit. It's bound to happen, I guess.

It's charming. What I have come to be compassionate for all of us on is my little kids were in the back seat and we were in Nashville for just four days. And my littlest one goes, Mom, I have to really fight the urge to start talking like them soon as I hear it. I just want to do it. I almost think there's something evolutionarily, so you don't stick out that you can pick it up really quick and then you're inclined to mimic it.

Yeah. I mean, I moved to Tennessee when I was going into middle school. Worst time possible. Yeah. And so it's like you have to adopt it or you will get mocked endlessly.

Another sidebar. Looks like you're into sneakers, which I admire.

I am. I'm sadly only have my one pair of Jordans. I wear them sparingly.

They just diminish in value as you accumulate more. They really do.

I mean, the kids are trying not to crease them. I've given up on that. There's going to be creases.

OK, so, and you're still in Georgia. I am. And what's so fun for Monica and I? is that wild card, we just don't know. We have no idea.

I'm not that adventurous. OK. There are definitely some twists and turns.

Oh, yay.

So just a little background. My wife and I got married back in 2014 at actually the Griffith Observatory. We had like a little pop-up ceremony.

Oh, sweet.

It was closed. There was nobody there to stop us.

That's Dax's hike. Oh, should I say that? Oh, yeah. That's fine. I run into armchairs hourly.

Yeah, exactly. We just hired a minister to come out. That was it. Just the two of us at the Griffith Observatory.

Incredible.

Best pictures ever. So after we got married, we started trying to conceive right away. We knew that we were both wanting children. I was already 33, 34.. So things were getting to that age.

You're approaching geriatric pregnancy.

Yeah.

Exactly. God, it's disgusting. It's disgusting.

My wife is younger, but we kind of thought I would be the carrier. So we tried that for a good two, two and a half years without any luck. And so we started turning our sights towards adoption. And my wife was on like a Facebook group for women who, just kind of like, shared their problems. It was like a community.

Yeah.

Oh, this is questionable. She lived in California. We were in Georgia. So we're like, we can't just say no, obviously, like you're not going to give up that chance. We ended up just texting with her for a while and she told us about her job and her daughter and just her life.

Deep background.

Yeah. Like. she told us the place of her employment. She even sent a picture of her license plate because it was a vanity plate that we both had interests in. So we're like, OK, she's giving a lot.

What's sad is that you're right to have your guard up and that I do think con artists prey on people that are in vulnerable situations. So they know people who are really kind of desperate for a solution. And I think it's kind of wise to be aware of that.

Absolutely. But we did it all. We checked it out. We found she worked where she said she worked. She lived where she said she lived.

Oh, boy.

So we were concerned about that.

Stressful.

And then there is also, obviously, it takes two to make a baby. So we had bio father questions. Right.

Yeah.

He was concerned because he wanted an open adoption. But that's not really possible. when you're across the country from each other. And she's like, but we're going to therapy. I really, really feel like he's going to come around.

That's a nice quality, but it can bite you.

Really gets you every once in a while. So, a few weeks after my wife pulled away, I was still chatting. But then, probably around eight months, she posted something on her Facebook about, hey, I got a tattoo today. I don't think that you're supposed to do that when you're pregnant. And then she posted something about a music festival that she was excited about.

God, she almost played it. I mean, what a dumb mistake as a con artist. Wait, you're seeing her every day. So you're seeing she's pregnant.

We're seeing. She's like sending baby bump pictures. She sent ultrasound pictures.

OK, OK.

She was every step talking to us, telling us the therapist's name. We were getting a lot of information that I think you're always still cautious in the back of your head. But we're like, it's all checking out. So we were like, OK, something's not right. But if we confront her and she is pregnant and we just called her a liar, is she going to be like, fine, I'm out, if you don't trust me.

We had sushi. Yeah.

And we're like, well, she's eight months pregnant. So is she? And she's like, oh, God, no, no, no, not even a little pregnant. All right.

No, no. What?

No. I know. And so we were just like, what was going on here? We started telling this woman about the pregnancy, the father, everything that's been happening over five months. And it turns out the description of the father that we had received was a description of this woman's husband.

Here we go.

Wow.

Oh, wow, wow, wow.

The three of them were in a relationship. Oh, like six months prior. And they were, as a throuple, trying to conceive. Oh, my God.

Does she really have a daughter?

She does have a daughter.

OK.

Because we were like a part of her real Facebook page. We were seeing her grandparents post. She did not at all hold back any of her personal life.

So is the husband the father of the kid also?

No. But the husband and wife were in a relationship with her. They decided they were going to live as a family and that they were going to try and conceive, and whichever one got pregnant. That's great.

This guy must have some rhythm. Seriously.

That woman was like, well, did she conceive with my husband and then regretted it and then maybe have miscarriage? Like, what is going on here? So we finally confronted her via text and we're like, hey, listen, we just talked to so-and-so and she told us, and we said, my wife's been concerned for a couple of months now. She's like, well, if you were concerned, why didn't you just tell me? And that was it.

Oh, my God. What? She didn't deny it either.

She didn't deny it.

That's so curious. What was she showing you? Was she bored? As soon as you said vitamin A deficiency, I'm like, OK, she's laying track for needing medical assistance and tough pregnancy. She's definitely setting up that she's going to need money, but then she didn't and then she didn't deny it.

And I will add, she is in the medical field, so that cracks with the Munchausen.

Oh, and her kid has special needs.

And she works with children with special needs, which was a concern. And then it was like, well, what do we do? Do we just let her go on with her life?

Exactly. Like, where do you even report someone? Like the fire department? We can't do anything illegal. We can't give her money.

At that point, I was like, I'm done. I put my trust in her.

I'm out. Out of 10 excitement level that a baby's arriving, where had you allowed yourself to get to? And were you heartbroken, or was that taken over by resentment and anger?

I was probably at like an eight or nine in the excitement because it had gotten so far along. Yeah.

Yeah. You really start preparing. Oh, no. Were you doing nursery and stuff?

We hadn't started. While we were trying to conceive, we had been collecting baby stuff for years at this point. But yeah, I think anger took over grief. Actually, on the due date, we had like, it's not a baby shower, just to like try and add some levity to it. The time that we'd wasted that we could have been exploring other avenues.

Well, she probably didn't turn out that way because everything was ideal. Sure. Give her some grace.

You have to have some sympathy, because I think she was just lonely. She was getting so much attention from us.

And she was important to you. She was valued. She was needed. Needed, yeah. But honestly, that is Munchausen's.

In the end, it's a blessing. Three years after that COVID started, all of these parents were home with their kids lamenting about, oh my God, they hurt all day. And we just kind of looked at each other like, oh, thank God, we don't have kids because we're just home, the two of us. And then, fast forward three months, we get a call from the foster. We had gone through foster care training saying, hey, we have three siblings that we're looking for an adoptive parent for.

Whoa, you went from zero to three?

We went from zero to three. So three weeks later, we had a one-year-old boy and then four and five-year-old girl.

Oh, my gosh.

They're now five, eight, and nine.

And how's it going?

Oh God, it's hard. There was definitely a long transition period of just the sound levels.

Yeah. Well, and this is great. I talk about this all the time. So had you had those children, your body would have produced a surplus of oxytocin to dull all that and make you stupid for a while. And I would tell my wife, you know, that crying sounds different to you and I.

And you have three of it, and it's three kids who came in with trauma. So they have histories that affected behaviors and affected their responses to love or attention. And so that was our bigger thing. I always told my parents, you made three look so easy because I was the youngest of three. And they just kind of laughed.

Yeah.

They're hiding food for a reason, not just because they're not listening to you.

No, the patience that you have to have.

I thought I had a lot of patience until I became a parent. I quickly realized that all your own insufficiencies come out when you become a parent. And you're like, oh, need to work on that.

They fucking teach you patience, in a way because you have no choice but to adapt and get them.

It's the stress of always, can you do enough to undo what was done to them? We kind of naively thought the one-year-old, oh God, he's fine. We got him early enough. Right. Now he's five and you're kind of seeing things come out.

This whole experience must give you just the utmost amount of empathy for everyone. Even just the way you're speaking about all of this, like understanding, oh, that behavior is not actually about that behavior. I'm sure you see the world so much differently now.

I do. Because I was definitely, I think, a person before parenting that I was like, oh, why is that kid acting that way? Or I would never let my child X, Y, and Z. And I see it in other parents when they're seeing my children. And you just have to say, you know what, they're processing and they're doing great for their circumstance.

Do they have a crazy bond between the three of them? They do.

I mean, they argue, but our three are perfectly happy to sit and play together. We have friends over and they're still playing. the three of them. I think, when you foster or adopt, there's like a requirement, I think, on those parents to act like they're so happy all the time and that everything is wonderful. And that's something we struggled with.

Fuck, I'm so grateful you're doing this. Me too. So admirable. Yeah. Really.

Thank you. They really made our dreams come true. You know, everybody's like, oh my God, it's such a great thing you're doing. I'm like, this is exactly the family we wanted. And now I'm 44 and I have all three, and we don't have to worry about it.

Yeah. Real turnkey. Suzanne, this was wild. Yes. Thank you so much for sharing it.

You know, we tell them now, I promise you're going to be best friends one day.

Oh, even if they don't get along, they'll kill for each other.

Exactly. They're doing awesome. So we could not be happier with that.

Well, a pleasure meeting you. Thanks so much. Sending lots of love. Yeah.

Thank you. It was nice to meet you guys.

All right. Bye. Bye. Bye. We're garbage.

Here's Greg.

Greg?

Hey, what's going on?

How are you? Are you in New Zealand? Why is it dark where you're at?

I'm in a closet. I have just like a small little light in here. And my wife's, like, you're going to look like a serial killer.

You don't not look like a serial killer, but you also look friendly, which is maybe the most dangerous kind of serial killer.

That's true. I don't dress up like a clown or anything, so that's good.

I feel like if you were going to dress up, I'd want to see you more in a pirate garb.

My wife and I used to do theater before kids.

I've played a pirate before. Yeah. You would really, really do well as a pirate. And then just real playful headset. Your headphones are half blue, half red.

Yes. They're my oldest daughter's Nintendo Switch headset.

That explains it. I love it. Greg, where are you at in the country?

I am in Canton, Ohio. It's just like an hour south of Cleveland.

Wonderful. We love our Ohio neighbors, our Buckeyes. Buckeyes. Buckeyes.

I am not a sports person at all, so I'm a nerd.

Theater guy. That's why I'm free to like people from Ohio, because I'm not really a sports guy. Yeah.

I don't have any beef.

We're indistinguishable, Michiganders and Ohioans. Right.

We just try to get along with everybody.

Do people know this, though, that one of the few wars that have happened on American soil was the Michigan-Ohio War? No one knows that. The total casualties were like a farmer's two pigs were killed? We'll look that up. We'll fact check.

The Toledo War. 1835..

1835.

No one died.

How do you call it a war if no one.

There was a non-fatal stabbing of a law enforcement officer.

Well, sometimes they're called pigs. Maybe that's why you're confused. That was quick. Okay, Greg, hit us with your wildcard story.

All right. So this takes place in December of 2020, just a few days after my birthday.

When's your birthday?

December 8th. Okay. We just moved in to our new house. Work's crazy. A lot of people got laid off, and I'm working third shift.

And third shift's night, yeah?

It's like a 10 o'clock at night to 6 in the morning shift. That's not what our bodies are supposed to do.

We're not nocturnal.

I take a vacation day. I'm at home with the girls. I've got two girls.

Congrats.

Thank you. They're amazing. So we're hanging out. My wife's at work. We both had essential jobs.

And her car is moving. Oh.

And I'm like, well, that's weird. Why is her car moving? She's not in it. My first instinct, I'm thinking, oh, maybe it's just in neutral.

It's just rolling.

Because it's not going fast at all. I get in front of it to try to just, like, push on it to see if it's just rolling and I can stop it. That's not the case. My youngest daughter, she was a year old. at this point.

Wait, what?

Yeah, it's a Honda CRV. So it's kind of like an extended little bumper. before you get to those first wheels. It's high. She's practically under it.

No. Oh, my God. What is going on? There's a phantom. Do you think to chuck your daughter?

It was kind of cold that day, being December in Ohio. So she was in her puffy winter coat. And I just slid her across the garage floor. And I'm just like, this is it. I'm done.

Isn't it quick how immediate your body goes, oh, this is going to be too much for us. We're not even going to experience this.

We just shut down. So I just let out this tribal scream. I'm like, I'm in pain. I don't really know what happened. But I did stop the car on my leg.

And that's when it broke. I heard it.

I felt it.

I almost would rather just feel it than hear it. Was it loud? Was it like a shotgun? Or was it just like a subtle?

I heard it. I don't know if anybody else did. I think my wife was just more in, like, freaking out, panic, getting the kids.

Fuck this. This is too much. I need more info. He's going to hit us with it.

I know.

We need it soon, because I am, like, so confused right now.

It turns out she got out of the car and left it in drive. So that's why it was rolling, because she just panicked. Oh, the dog's there. I don't want him to run out. I don't want him to get out to the busy road.

I need an ambulance.

They're like, are you on the road? Where are you? Oh, I'm in my garage. They asked, you know, are you working on it? No, I wasn't working on it.

I've called 911 a couple times in my life. And I end up getting so frustrated with the details that they want at that moment that I think are completely extraneous. Like, who gives a fuck? Tell me that there's an ambulance on the way.

Ambulance comes. The wife had to give a police statement because it dealt with an automobile. She's bawling. The youngest that I tossed across the floor, she's just shook.

She's just, like, staring. Like, what happened?

They get me on the gurney. Then he asks if they can cut the pant leg of my sweatpants that I was wearing at the time. That was the part that I was the most upset about, because they were great sweatpants.

Sure, you get attached to these favorite sweats.

Yeah, you wear them in. So he proceeds to cut the pants. And I'm expecting to see gore.

Blood.

There wasn't. It was surprising. So they get me to the hospital. They take the x-ray. The doctor comes in, and he's like, We need to do an MRI because we're pretty sure your bones are broken, but we can't really tell.

Okay, but they haven't separated entirely. There are fissures in there now. Yeah.

They were so surprised. Like, what happened? So I'm now sitting in the room. I call my wife, seeing how she's doing. Most importantly, how's the youngest?

Oh, boy. First words.

I saved her life. I pushed her out of the way of getting run over, and she said, Daddy pushed me.

That's probably the thing that hurt the most in the whole day. Yeah, I was like, what do you mean?

I wasn't doing it maliciously. It was pretty crazy. And to top it all off, that week, I had just signed up for my life insurance policy. And I'm like, what are you trying to do to me? Sure.

And also, how suspicious. They would have investigated the hell out of her had you died. Left it in drive.

Got out to save the dog. Sure.

Also, this sounds like the slowest moving catastrophe of all time. I know. It's like a very unspectacular way to almost get killed.

It was going like half a mile an hour. It was like the scene from Austin Powers with the steamroller, if you remember that part. Freeze, stop. And they're like a mile away, and it just keeps slowly inching towards.

I bet what happened is there was too many decisions to make. Does she go for the dog, the kid, her husband, the car?

The house?

Yeah, is the car going to drive through the house? Too many options. Not cool under fire.

It could have been a lot worse, obviously, but it was just so random. That garage ended up being cursed. They got ran into by a food delivery driver, and then our cars got trapped in the garage for like three months.

Oh, jeez. Oh, well, Greg, thanks for telling us that tale. I'm glad you made it out. Me too.

Same. Would it be okay if my wife said hello?

Of course. Get her in that dark closet.

Here's the culprit.

Hi.

Hi.

What's your name?

I'm Courtney.

Nice to meet you. Oh, yeah. You have an immediate sweetness that I understand why that was an overwhelming situation. I can just see. Yeah, that was a lot.

Here comes Morgan. Hi, can you hear me?

Yes, can you hear us? Yes, I can. You've got the Duck, Duck, Goose sweater. It looks so cute on you. It really does.

I do. I've actually been wearing it when I travel, in airports, in hopes that I'll find an armcherry in the wild.

Oh, has it happened?

It hasn't happened yet, but there's still time.

Where are you at, Morgan?

I am in Wenatchee, Washington, which is right in the center of Washington State.

What's happening in the center? It's mountainous. It's dry.

So, it's high desert. We have the Columbia River running through. We get snow in the winter, really hot summers. It's beautiful.

So, the Columbia River's running through there. How far are you from Hood River, which is also on the Columbia River? Very far?

We're pretty far, so it's probably about five hours.

Okay, and what occupations exist there? What's the industry?

So, we're the apple capital of the world.

Apple capital!

Lots of agriculture. My husband works in ag, so he's a fruit salesman. And then healthcare, and I work in healthcare.

Okay, so you have a wild card story. Does it take place in Washington?

It actually takes place in Mount Hood, Oregon.

Oh, wonderful. Ding, ding, ding.

This story takes place in the summer of 2017.

Okay, and really quick, what was her assessment of your skill level versus what it really was? And were you flattered that she was referring to you as an expert, and were you leaning into it? These are all the things that could have happened to me personally.

So, I had a lot of experience at that point, actually. So, I had been mountaineering with my dad since I was 15.. I climbed Mount Rainier for the first time when I was 16.. And then by this time, I had climbed all five volcanoes in Washington.

Okay, so you're legit. You've been at it for seven years. at this point. How long does it take to get to the top of Rainier? Is that the longest hike?

Yeah, it's about the longest, and it's the tallest technical mountain in the lower 48 states. So, it takes about two days, because you hike halfway the first day, rest a little bit, and then hike to the very top the second day.

And what's that rest like mid-mountain? Are you hanging in those cocoons? I've seen some people hanging in cocoons. I think that's very extreme.

It's not that extreme. You bring tents, and we sleep on pretty flat ground about halfway up. But you don't really sleep, because you go to bed at like 6 or 7 p.m., and then you wake up at midnight. Okay.

So, it's just a nap. At a time that you can't fall asleep.

Yeah, because you're kind of anxious and anticipating it. So, it's not good sleep.

You're almost better off going to bed at 4, calling it a nap that goes too long, just framing it mentally. But I think they're on a very tight sketch.

Yeah. So, I wasn't the best, but I had a decent amount of experience. She kind of knew my story, so she felt confident going with me. This is my friend Caitlin, who asked me to teach her to climb mountains. I was super excited that she had asked me, because I had mainly climbed with my dad and his 50-year-old buddies.

And where the exteriors of The Shining were shot.

Exactly. So, super cool, super beautiful lodge. On a clear day, you can see like a perfect view of Mount Hood. And so, we arrived there. We have some dinner.

Oh, okay.

And on Mount Hood, I don't know the statistics, but they do a lot of helicopter rescues.

Oh, God.

And kind of. the primary reason is because there's a ski resort there as well. And so, people will go to the top of the ski lift. They'll see the top of the mountain, and they'll say, oh, it's not that far to just keep going to the top of the mountain. Well, they don't have the right gear or experience, and bad things will happen.

This is something that could very easily happen to myself. I can see myself going, oh, yeah, that's just another couple clicks up. And it's a glacier, right?

It is a glacier. So, with glaciers, you have the risk of crevasses. And crevasses are the big cracks in the glacier that pose a risk because you could fall into them.

And how do we feel about the difference between crevasses and a crevice? It's a crevasse in mountaineering, but isn't it just a crevice? It's a crevice. Is it spelled differently? It's a crevice when it's not dangerous, I guess.

I've never thought about that, but now I'm going to have to really think about it. There's two different words.

Oh, it's two different words.

Crevice is small cracks in a surface, and a crevasse is a huge opening in something.

Oh, right.

I kind of said it then. And when it's hyper-dangerous, it's a crevasse. Because you could lose your ass in it. That's how you got to remember. Scary.

Thanks, Lobby, Lob. So we see the helicopter rescue happening, and we're like, okay. It makes me a little bit nervous, but I'm feeling pretty confident in our skills. Mount Hood is a little bit different from Mount Rainier in that you can pretty much do it in one push. You don't need to spend the night on the mountain.

Have you ever used, well, I won't say, because maybe that's part of the story. Okay, nevermind.

Yes, I've used an ice axe for ice axe arrest before. And then sometimes, when you're mountaineering, it's good to be roped together. In case somebody falls into a crevasse, then the two on the other ends can go into ice axe arrest and basically stop that person from falling in the hole.

Go one, go all. Together, we climb, divided, we slide off the side.

So that section of the climb also is called the Pearly Gates. Everyone's like, oh, that's such a beautiful name. And that to me feels like you're going through the Pearly Gates to go to heaven.

Yeah, you only get to the Pearly Gates because you've died. You could call it Death's Door. That would be the exact same, but for some reason doesn't sound as optimistic, hopeful. Pearly sounds like beautiful. Pearl necklace.

And so we start climbing. So, because it's pitch dark out, we have our headlamps on. The first part of the climb, we're walking on rock because it's summertime, so a lot of the bottom part had melted off. As we continue to climb, it turned to snow and ice. It gets quite a bit of traffic in the summertime because that's when a lot of people will climb.

Okay, that's steep.

So it's like straight uphill. As we're going, our group kind of splits apart, which is typical. Everybody kind of goes at their own pace. Me, my friend Caitlin, and one of my dad's friends are kind of down below, and then the rest of the group has gone up a little bit. We haven't put on our crampons yet, those spikes that go on your boots.

Yeah, yeah, sure. Oh, no.

We get up a little bit further and decide to stop to have some water. So we step off to the side of the trail, and I go to open my backpack, and I had made a rookie mistake of hooking my helmet strap underneath my backpack strap. that closes it. So as soon as I open my backpack strap, my helmet strap flips out, and my helmet just goes speeding down the hill.

Okay.

So, before I can even think rationally, I go to step and try to grab the helmet, and my feet just slip out from underneath me.

Oh, my God.

Because it's basically a sheet of ice, because we're no longer in that boot path.

That's a mixed bag. First of all, great impulse on that person. Also, what a generous sacrifice. Lastly, an ice axe. coming at you in the dark, you're lower than it, also potentially like a cranium splitter.

I quickly pick up speed, and I don't have anything to stop myself, and so my instinct is basically to just start clawing at the snow as I'm sliding with my fingers, like trying to get some kind of grip. And the other thing I forgot to mention is it was pretty high winds that morning, which is normal with mountaineering, but the thing was is I was obviously screaming really loudly, but no one could hear me unless you were right next to me. I probably slid. It felt like an entire lifetime, but I probably slid for about 30 seconds, and all of a sudden, I feel someone jump on top of me.

Ooh, a hero.

And that person was doing the right thing and had crampons on, so they were able to bring us both to a stop.

Wow. I'm so jealous of this person.

What a hero.

Or a she-ro.

And so he, this young gentleman.

Why haven't we seen that meet-cute in the movie?

Oh, my God, I would love that meet-cute.

Yes. You slide to a stop. He's laying on top of you. He's jumped on you.

You're cheek to cheek.

He slides it in. And then he goes, hold on, I'm thinking of the perfect thing he says when you slide to a stop. He goes, Oh, that was close. He's from England. Oh, he's English.

You can break the ice. Oh, okay. Break the ice joke.

Oh, that's a nice break-in. Oh, okay. That could go either way, depending on how he looks. His looks are going to really determine whether that was a high quality.

Okay.

Oh, wow. Okay. Sorry, we're ever romantic.

No, I love it.

Sorry, I got one last one. Oh, no. I never thought when I went to sleep in me truck that I'd wake up next to such a beautiful girl. No, I don't like that one. That's the least.

No one's thinking about that.

But it's an inside climber's joke. Okay. Sorry, sorry. That's the last one, I think.

If you have any more, I'm all ears. So he brings me over to the side of the trail. Such a nice man. I can tell he probably has some military background. And he's like, I have my first aid kit.

Okay, on the palm?

Like the tips of my fingers.

Oh, the nail bed area.

There's some pictures on the table right there.

Oh, we have some pictures. Okay, yeah, absolutely. So for the listener, the hand looks like it went through a meat grinder. Oh, yeah, looks awful. I mean, sorry.

Definitely a flesh wound, but not super comfortable. So he has his first aid kit and like wraps up my hand for me, which was really nice. By that time, Caitlin and my dad's friend had made their way down the hill with my crampons and all of my gear, because basically they saw me like slip into a blackness.

I have to keep reminding myself. it's dark out. It seems preposterous. anyone's climbing at night. I agree.

Yeah, so they make their way down. They find me. They help me put my crampons on. I'm 22 years old at this time, and so I don't think I really knew any better. And I'm like, yeah, let's just keep climbing.

Well, here's where I need to check in. The fact that Caitlin had just observed you make such a bozo move, were you kind of dealing with a little bit of embarrassment too?

Because I would have been humiliated.

Yeah, you're supposed to be the old pro.

The fact that someone had to save me who was wearing the right gear, that's just so embarrassing. Yeah, yeah.

Thank God, though.

So I'm like, yeah, let's just keep going. It's all good. It's all fine. And so we keep going up the hill and we meet up with the rest of the group and they're like, where have you guys been? And I'm like, I almost died.

Don't tell Caitlin, but I am much more scared than I'm letting on. How many people die doing this a week? A lot. Well, I think it's more the actual,

at Mount Hood or anywhere.

How many climbers? Oh, geez.

Annually?

He'll figure it out. He'll figure it out. And maybe we shouldn't do it while Morgan's on the phone. This might still be her passion.

28.

A week? 28 a year.

That's not bad.

We can live with that. Okay.

111 injuries.

Okay, well, that's not terrible either. It's really not as bad as I would have expected. No, more people die, probably roller skating. True. Okay, anywho.

So we meet up with them. We keep climbing and we get to this section that's kind of right below the pearly gates. So right before it starts to get pretty technical. And we're just kind of like regrouping. And we run into the guy who saved me.

Wow. He lapped you guys. He's on his way down. Yeah, I know.

I recognized him and I'm like, thank you so much. Like you saved me. And the second photo that I sent in is actually a selfie that we took with the guy who saved me and his group.

Hold on. I'm going to try to guess which one's the hero, because we have three dudes in this photo. And one has got his jacket all the way buttoned up and he's got an orange helmet on. I want it to be this raw dog on the far right that looks like he's going to a Billy Idol concert in the 80s. But I have a hunch.

It was the middle one. Yeah. The one with the orange helmet.

I'm the other guy. I would have been like too busy making sure my hair looks sweet to rescue the girl. His jacket isn't even zipped up. No, it's too hot for a jacket. Oh my gosh.

It was really funny because they were like not stoked to be taking a selfie with us.

They weren't.

I think they were maybe a little bit annoyed.

Okay. They're like, this, isn't funny guys. Well, because they were like, do you think they were like, these? amateurs shouldn't be doing this. She almost died and now they're up here laughing, taking selfies.

I think that might've been the vibe.

Raw dog on the right. I don't think he slept in his car. I think he was at a bar at about 10 p.m. and was like, fuck it. Should we make a run up to the pearly gates?

So we start going up towards the pearly gates. We kind of get up on the glacier and it starts to get really steep. And of course, it's still icy. It's starting to get a little bit light outside, though, as you can see in the picture, but my adrenaline started to come down a little bit and I started to get really uneasy. Just like everything was starting to settle in.

This seems way harder to bail out than it does to finish. Especially because you're so close to the end, but that was a smart instinct.

Me, my dad and my friend Caitlin, which we told her, you can keep climbing if you want to. But the three of us turned around and went back, and then the rest of the group was able to go on and get to the top.

Okay. And how did you feel after the decision?

Naturally, I think I wished I would have continued, but deep down, I know that it was the right decision. Good.

You got to listen to these instincts. There's no way to know if you were right, but you were. Well, you're here. Because now we are talking and you would have been dead. Was there any thought about asking the guy for his phone number, or you were already betrothed?

I was already betrothed. I was already dating my now husband.

Okay. Bummer. I mean, this really would have been a great meet and greet. Maybe he jumped on someone else later that day and had a meet and greet. Got it in?

I hope so, for his sake.

Have you done climbs since?

Yeah, so we still stuck to our plan and we went back and climbed Mount Rainier in July and had no issues. I think I was just so young that I was able to move on. But I did try to go back to Mount Hood two years after this event and I just couldn't. Yeah.

Interesting. Too scary.

I got up to around the same section and I was like, nope, doesn't feel right. Yes.

We're so used to the story where it's like you're supposed to push through and you're supposed to push through and blah, blah, blah. But for why? Exactly. Yeah, it's interesting. It's all in your head.

Well, that's what they say in skiing is two more runs, skip the last. Yes.

That same thing was in skateboarding growing up. Last run was always you're going to the hospital. So you were no one's allowed to say last run. Skiing, same thing. No, last run.

Yeah. I've definitely slowed down a lot on it over the years. Once I kind of realized the risk associated with it.

I might get into it. We'll be sleeping in the bus. So that'll be fine. Okay. Yeah.

It's so nice to meet you. I did want to give a quick shout out to my sister, Justine. She got me into Armchair Expert many years ago. And she was actually on the first wild card prompt.

No way. What?

She was the zip line. No. Oh, wait.

So you had the same crazy dad. Yes.

So zip line dad is in my story as well.

This is also mountaineering dad. I think you guys might have the best dad in America. This is incredible.

Siblings?

Yes. With dad both times. And dad is really showing up on both of these.

Yeah. So we were talking that we need to find a prompt for zip line, dad, so that you can officially meet him.

He's got to have a million stories. He probably has a shit your pants story. Oh, for sure. We haven't done that in a minute.

He has endless stories. And he's very funny.

Okay. We got to get him on. This wasn't a meet-cute, but this, in a way, is a meet-cute. Something about it is meet-cute adjacent. Yeah.

It was so nice to meet both of you.

Oh, right back at you. So nice to meet you. Thanks, Morgan. Bye. Take care.

Here's Mary.

Hello. How's it going? Good. How are you?

I'm doing great.

Right now, I'm getting major educational vibes and or penitentiary. Oh, I'm getting education.

Not either. I'm actually in insurance, so maybe a little bit of a mixture of both.

Sure. What is in this closet. normally? Because it's very tight. It couldn't be someone's office.

It is called a focus room, and it is just here to give you peace and focus.

Okay. They should have decorated a little better because there's a huge fuse panel on the wall.

If I can give you a tour. Oh.

Okay. They tried. This isn't very meditative. I feel like I could place the city base. Will you pan one more time to that picture?

I'm not, but not a horrible guess. I'm in Columbia, South Carolina, which I actually arrived at a few hours ago, so I just got in for work.

Oh, you don't live there?

No. I live in Maine, and Dax, I don't know if you remember me. We met on your Samsung pop-up. You interviewed my mom and I. Oh, my God.

Yes, in Vegas, at the whatever that place is, World of Leisure.

The mall.

That's what I'm going to call it. It was a mall. Weird. Yes, 100%. How fun.