Synced: MSP

I brought you a pen and a Moleskine from the event. What? Pen from the hotel and Moleskine for your future writing. Oh Liz, it's your birthday! No, but it's like, the event, I know you wanted to be there.

Wow, you're so sweet.

So you can start your amazing essays.

Did you get a Moleskine too?

No, it's my, I'm giving it to you because I want you to write, because you're such a good writer. Yesterday, we kind of decided we needed new deadlines. We did decide that!

We did! And now you're saying it out loud.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm holding us accountable. Good job. I know.

Okay, so either today or next week, we're going to assign new challenge.

Okay, you said I'm going to try something new.

I did. I did.

But also your writing is so amazing and people love it so much.

It's not so much about any of the nice things you just said. It's just that I need a deadline to do it. And unfortunately, I'm not building that in other than here.

What a wonderful space to do it in.

I think we should do again, you should give me a title. Okay.

I like that. Okay, great.

But then what are you going to do? I mean, you really- Oh God. Are you going to learn a new instrument?

Oh, no. What do I do? Okay, I do. Oh, my God. But I'm going to say it and I'm immediately going to regret it.

I wonder if we know someone who has one and you could go there. Wait, I feel like I do know someone-.

Who has a harp?

Or whose mom is a harpist, a harpo.

A harpo. A harpy.

I'll think about it.

It's just when I was little, we had a little patio door situation and my dad always blamed me for this, but the screen was all fucked up because I would open it too hard and be very careless with it. Okay. So it had little, almost felt like it was a little harp. So I would position myself with the screen and I would pretend to play it, because I loved the idea.

I had such a robust fantasy life, but I don't think any crossover with instruments that much. I mean, I played the piano for two years until my bad recital, as we've talked about.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Very common. I don't know if that's in Newsies originally or if they just were playing some music for the transition. Anyway, The Entertainer was the first song I learned how to play on the piano. How apropos. It did make me feel like, fuck, I really wish I knew how to play.

That could be a double challenge. Maybe this.

How many challenges? Oh, my God. I also want to learn calligraphy.

Oh, that's out of left field.

I guess that's one you're talking about. That's elitist.

Yes, that's an elitist, like, hearkening back to a past, a romantic, like, Jane Austen vibes. Okay, harp and calligraphy would be Pride and Prejudice.

It would. Oh, it could be our P&P era. But the problem is calligraphy isn't so great for a podcast medium. Yeah, that's right. I don't think it's necessarily going to translate.

Also, the elephant in the room is that today is the beginning of the new astrological calendar. We were told this-.

Last night.

Last night, and then I Googled it, and it's correct. Oh, good. And it's spring equinox, so equal amount of daylight and moonlight today, well, yesterday, but we're entering it. So it's an invitation for more work, life, balance and balance in general, good time to set goals. It's kind of a new, because, you know, there was a new year, and then we made all these goals and challenges, and then, you know, shit happened.

This is a pin, ding, ding, ding, because we will be talking about Adam Grant's article, which is directly connected to what you just said. It is. Also, that's very lucky that your rebirth coincides with your actual birth. Your birthday was yesterday, and yesterday is the day. Yes.

That's true.

That's really good luck.

Yeah. It's kind of an opportunity. By the way, I try and remind myself of this on a daily basis, which is like, if I'm having a horrible day, and I'm like, oh, like today sucks, or like shit happened that I didn't want it to happen, or I'm in a bad mood, things aren't going my way, like any hour, any minute in the day, I can look at the clock and start over. So this is like a reminder that you can start the year over at any time. Any point.

Well, I spilled my tea twice on the way here.

You did.

And so I felt like it was a bad day. But then, yeah, I had to do what you just said. I pulled up and I said, I got a parking spot. It's a new day.

It's a new day. Wait, speaking of new days, did you hear the viral Celine Dion remix? that's everywhere since last night? No.

What? Do you need to play it?

My roommate came in and she was like, I need to share this with you. I couldn't fall asleep because I kept listening to it. And then I was like, Monica and I need to do-.

A TikTok.

Something on this. Okay, listen.

Are we going to get sued?

Can I just look? I'm just going to have to-. I think it's the summer of Celine.

Really? Yeah.

People are saying, like, the gays have decided this is the anthem of the summer. Okay.

I liked that. I think maybe I need to listen a little more to really get into it.

I mean, I like the idea that we're going to remix a lot of Celine Dion this summer. I do like that. Also, her birthday's coming up. It's on March 31st.

You know it.

Or maybe it's the 30th. Now I'm freaking out. It's the 30th actually.

You just know her birthday by heart.

I love her. She's my girl.

And is it because of Canada or just because my heart will go on?

It's so much more than that. At first, she put out like French albums. We've known her for a while. We knew her pre-nose job and everything. Wow.

When did she get a nose job?

She had a bit of a makeover. I would say in probably 1994..

Before Titanic?

Yes, before Titanic. Okay. A few years before Titanic. She made a lot of changes to a lot of things. She learned English also, by the way.

How do you know all this?

Yes. I love Celine Dion so much.

Did you read biographies?

I'll watch whatever, anything that's ever, anywhere about her. When I'm in a rut or having a bad day, I listen to her French songs because they get me excited about my life and excited about like, okay, she was just some small town, 10 brothers and sisters, grew up in the country and went and did all these things that no one thought she could do. She's a weirdo and she's stayed that way even though she's so famous.

Wow.

Who's your everything?

There isn't one famous person who I know their birthday.

Oh.

I'm realizing.

You know Rihanna's birthday?

Oh, no. Not by heart. Only when people post, it's Rihanna's birthday.

I feel like you often remind me that it's her birthday, though.

I did text you. It's Rihanna's birthday. We forgot.

I feel like Rihanna is your Celine a little bit. I love her. You really do.

I love her, but I can't say she's my Celine, because that would be rude and inaccurate. The truth is, I wasn't ahead of the game on her. Who am I ahead of the game on?

Yeah.

Ben and Matt, I guess. I mean, they're the only people I can feel confident in my heightened level of fandom.

You knew they were going to make it.

Well, you know who else I was ahead of the game on? Dominic Mocciano. What?

Like a Russian painter? Like I don't...

Not far. Not so far off. These are gymnasts. Oh my God. I was obsessed.

Yeah, right.

And Dominic Mocciano was my favorite, and she was on that team. She was the youngest. She was 14.. Wow. It's a big deal.

Fuck yeah.

Oh, my God. Okay. Wow. Okay, I can do it. So I got five?

Damn.

Oh my God. I have one left. I don't want a hint. Fuck. Can I have like a small hint?

She was.

She was the least magnificent.

Like already insane amount of people that you're listing.

That's when I begged my parents to go to Romania, and they were like, we're never doing that.

To go. just be in the vicinity of your favorite gymnasts, their inception. Yeah. Wow.

It was.

Did you imagine yourself at the Olympics?

Fuck yeah. I was doing couch B. Yeah. You know? Then I started gymnastics after that, so I was eight, and my coach, my teacher, said,

Oh, why would he say that?

Yeah, I was a woman. Well, I actually appreciate that she said it. She was giving me a compliment. She was like, you have natural talent here. But in order to be a level 10 gymnast and an elite gymnast, you do, you have to start when you're four.

My synchronized swimming coach told me that, too. Really? It breaks your heart, but you're right that they probably mean it in a way that's like,

you're really good. It's unfortunate. Just the reality of life is that you should have started when you were four. I was resentful at my parents.

I was going to ask, did they know about it? Yeah.

Of course. I don't keep my resentments quiet.

That's healthy.

I mean, I think they're like, you didn't ask? Like, we're not supposed to read your mind. But they should be reading mine.

Did you ever watch the Tiger Woods documentary?

Yes.

I feel like I was equal parts, oh, that's horrible, and equal parts, why did my parents do this? Like, why didn't they?

You wanted one of those dads?

I didn't want the trauma part.

Yeah, there's a lot of trauma.

Again, I lied. It's not equal parts, but there's a tiny part of me that does, because my parents had no vision for me at all. Like, honestly, no vision board, no plan.

Did they have one for your sister?

My sister deviated from the vision a lot because she wanted to go to art school, not even art school, like art history, and they would yell about it. And so I knew I needed to stay in line a little bit, but I ended up deviating a lot more. Did you deviate from your parents' vision?

Oh, God, yeah. I mean, acting and cheerleading, everything was... My parents, too, did not have a vision other than be pretty good at school.

Same. Or very good. Yeah.

I think because I used to make so many careless mistakes, they right-sized their expectation a little bit early. Like, they weren't thinking, oh, Monica's, a genius, like, this is so exciting for us.

They weren't thinking that.

I think they were like, oh my God, she keeps making the same mistake over and over and over. What the fuck are we going to do? And they tried yelling, you know, they tried supportive talk. You know, my dad said very clearly, you're very smart, but you just make so many careless mistakes.

That's what my dad said. What the hell?

Is that a dad thing? It's like, I've never heard the phrase careless mistake come out of anyone's mouth ever again.

You're the only.

Wait, maybe that should be your challenge. You should write a song called Careless Mistakes.

Oh, I'm already, like, emotional. Oh, my God. Wait, I kind of... Okay, I like that.

Maybe your dad could do a rap on it.

Wait, and that should be your essay.

Oh, the reason I'm going to push back is because on my original essay, I did talk about this.

Your mistake, careless mistakes?

Yeah, I brought this up already. I mean, look, I did make them, I think.

What I don't like about it is that it attributes an intention.

Yeah, maybe we just were bad at it.

Yeah, or I had ADHD. Like, I really struggled with attention, because, again, careless, careless, careless, careless. I thought, like, I'm an idiot.

And yours was exacerbated by, as you said last week, you left your purse on the subway and stuff.

Yes. I jumped into a hole once, like, by accident.

Wait.

Like, my dad, was like, that was the maddest I'd seen him, actually.

Because you were putting yourself in harm.

That's when he said, you're careless. He would say, careless, careless, but he was like, you're also careless with your body. Oh, no. And that's when I was like, oh, man, I'm the worst.

Can you tell me about when you jumped into a hole? It was...

What do you mean? So, okay, I was going to a sale at my favorite store, and it was on Rue Saint Laurent.

18?

Yeah, yes, I'm old. I'm still living at home, but I'm like, you know, I'm going to a sale. They only take cash. They say there's an ATM across the street. You can just go.

Oh, you did it on purpose? I...

I 100% thought I could pull it off. There was no doubt in my mind. And I could see the people in the store. They were, like, seeing me walk over. And then I just went for it.

And I just fell through. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

All of my body was scraped. Because I almost made it. It would have been actually better if I'd... Cleared it. Like, in the middle of the hole.

How deep was this hole?

Oh, twice my height. Lids. Yeah, yeah, a hole. But I was close.

Close is not good enough. You are so careless with your body.

Well, I'm optimistic. I'm overly optimistic about how far I can jump. What time I can make it. Stuff like that. Wow.

Did you go back to the sale and buy the clothes? I did.

They were like, oh, my God, are you okay? And I was like, I'm fine. What are you even talking about? Yeah, yeah, I don't even think I accepted a band-aid. That actually, that is the...

Oh, just let's talk about it.

Okay, so, for example, my birthday party. People were spread out and...

You had a very fun birthday party.

Thank you. And you're so sweet. We had such a nice birthday dinner last night. Oh, so nice. And you're so generous.

Thank you for making it so special. Of course, you deserve it.

So it was kind of spread out and my friend Simone was like, let's do the cake. She was like, should I get people downstairs? And I was like, you know what? I don't really need the cake. I just started saying like, let's not do it.

You're prioritizing a lot of other people over you.

Yeah, or even what I think, again, my mind is like, oh, people don't really want to move. So I'm trying to work on that. Okay, I like this. What about you? You're like the least careless person I know.

That's nice of you to say. I mean, I think you're right. I'm very cautious. I would never jump into that hole. Ever.

Okay, got it.

It's like why I can't be peer pressured. I just won't do it. I won't put myself in the situation where I feel like deeply uncomfortable just because everyone else wants me to or everyone else is doing it. I actively won't do it.

That's a great quality. I feel like that's a quality you want in your kids, especially. They're not easily influenced.

Persuaded. I guess that's true. I think, though, it's a cousin to stubbornness.

Yeah.

And it's related to fear, for sure. I'm scared of jumping over it. So it's good and bad, I guess. I think you're right. I would want in my kid for them to not be just like, I guess I'll do it because everyone's doing it.

You beat to your own drum. Do you think so? You do. Like, again, I went to this event and I knew that you were also invited to it. And when I got there, I was like, oh, it would be so fun if Monica was here.

That's nice. Do you feel that? Yeah, I think that's right. It's true. But it's double-sided, right?

Where is it showing up that you want it to soften?

Probably in dating a little. Like, you know, nothing's going to be perfect. And so I have to compromise some of these standards, I think. I don't like saying that, because I also think that's not true. So I don't really know.

I think that you don't have to sacrifice your standards. I think that you have to sacrifice your comfort. That's relationships, right? Like, not like, yeah, I'm going to accept someone who treats me badly, or someone who's not nice. Or someone who's not on top of their game.

We like what we like.

We like what we like.

I agree. So much of it is expectation. Like, if I'm on a trip with someone and I know that they're much different than me, or something, I can, knowing, going in, like, we're not going to want to do the exact same thing the whole time. I can adjust if I have that expectation. But it requires me thinking that through.

Me too. I'm getting worse at it, too. Or I feel like it was easier before. Like, I didn't really have to, like, think about before I would go on a, you know. Or again, even when, sometimes I think about being like 11..

Yeah. I have to do a lot of mental gymnastics. Ding, ding, ding. Dominique Machin.

I take so many supplements. Yeah. And Thorne is honestly the only company that I truly trust. If it's Thorne, I know that it's great. I take their arm pills every day.

They have a great prenatal. Yes. They have everything. Give your body what it really needs with Thorne. Go to Thorne.fit slash synced and use code synced, S-Y-N-C-E-D, for 10% off your first order.

I can't get enough.

I wear the bras all the time. I love the t-shirt bra, the Fits, Everybody t-shirt bra. I have it in all the colors.

I had totally given up on bras. Like, for years, I just stopped wearing them. And I'm wearing them again thanks to SKIMS.

Yes. The t-shirt bra is the best t-shirt bra I've ever owned. It's also a fun, like, gift.

It's such a good gift.

For a girlfriend to, like, do a little SKIMS package and do a bra. And they have great underwear and also, like, a cute tee. I mean, just, like, do a little package.

It's so fun. I would be so happy to get that. They have great pajamas. Like, everything is great. You cannot go wrong with SKIMS.

Okay. How are you feeling about your new 37-year-old life?

I feel great. So, candidly, I feel great. So, candidly, we were supposed to record two days ago and then you texted me that morning and you were like, I feel like we should record after your birthday. And I responded, like, I'm actually, I can talk about my birthday. I'm already feeling it.

And what were the befores and what are the nows?

I was feeling a big gap between what I thought 37 would be like and how I felt two days ago. And now that...

Now that you're deep into your 37s.

Now that I'm deep into my 37s, I see it very differently. It is weird, though, right? And it's the way my friend Glynis describes turning 40, which is, again, very different. But she was like, the day before I turned 40, I was like the worst day of my life.

Yes, you said it was pretty sexual. You had a threesome.

I had a threesome. That probably jumpstarts your 37.. I recommend it.

You had a four-handed massage.

and it was your Laurent. What's his name? They put a washcloth on you. I mean, it's just for accessories. You're naked.

I love that. That's so powerful.

It's funny because I was almost on my way when you texted me the other day and I was like, well, we might as well do it. But I was like, I feel like she always is right about things. And then you said I have a hunch and I was like, she's right. Either I'm going to feel worse and it's going to be more interesting, because it'll be like trauma dumping.

Or things will have changed.

But thank you for making my birthday so special. Thank you for making my life so special. I can't believe I get to do this show with you. I can't believe I get to be here. Even again, I was thinking back at 35..

Well, that's also something I like to consider. if I'm feeling like, oh my God, I'm this age and I don't have this, and I don't have this and I don't have this. It's important to remember. we met when we were 34..

That's not that long ago.

and we have this beautiful friendship and it's deep. Things will continue to come and we have no idea. There are so many ways to look at the future and I like that you are looking at it in a positive way, with certainty and also without desperation. I think that's the piece to let go of for all of us.

Again, you're going to make different decisions that are coming from a place of desperation or feeling like. this is your last shot. Even the worst is when I'm dating from that mindset, because then I'm like anybody, as if there's no man left on earth, or again, that there's 10 seconds left on the clock. You're not going to make good choices from that position. I thought back at 35, when you text me about, I was kind of going through it.

That's really true, yeah. And then this ties into astrology.

Yeah, it does.

in Adam Grant. So Adam wrote a substack, an article on why astrology is not scientifically accurate, and he sent it to me and he said a lot of people told me to send this to you. hope you read it with an open mind and I did read it. and here's the thing we love talking about it. it's super fun for us.

is that I don't understand why people are so determined to tell us it's not real.

well, is it like Jesus? is it a little like oh fuck, they're making like all these life decisions based on religion and that can be harmful, like there are some a lot of harmful things that come out of religion.

but has there been out of astrology, I mean, can you imagine?

wars and like.

genocide. I don't and like. to me it's like sports. sports aren't real, everything's made up, and so I always think again I love Adam, it's a worthwhile read, but to me it's still this determined energy of proving women, or like taking something that women like and saying that it's stupid. there's a whole history of that.

I don't remember seeing any. maybe I missed this, and if I did, I'm sorry, but I don't remember seeing any percentages of the people who actually are making massive life decisions based on this. I think it's not giving baby people enough credit that they enjoy it for enjoyment. we're all in on it.

often it just confirms what people already know, is true, it's a little bit like people who use psychics and like I talk about Pisces men a lot and like Pisces men are a threat to our society, but obviously I don't.

you don't really think that.

I don't really think that, and one of my crushes is currently a Pisces man and your gay boyfriend and my gay boyfriend. that's right. actually, I've been meeting a lot of Pisces men and I don't shut it down because of that, but then, if it doesn't work out or they do something, then I'm like well, they're a Pisces man. that's why I won't work out. it gives me one more thing to trust myself.

but I feel like it's not and I think it depends, because what I can also see as a little bit of a slippery slope with it is like I'm this and that is set in stone. it is written literally in the stars. I am type A, I am organized, whatever like believing that it's your character and it's not malleable at all. I do think can be dangerous because it can be hard to then make changes. so like.

it. gives yourself grace too.

and it's a good way.

even on my beach date we were like what's your sign? do you identify with it? it's just a way to have conversation and to connect, and if people are using it to start wars, let's start poking holes. it's harmless, but the stock market is arguably more dangerous and we should be poking holes. women should be writing articles about that.

I appreciate the article and I did read it with an open mind. maybe it's not for everyone.

also Adam Grant is a Leo, and that's the most Leo news letter. so he kind of proved his point. we are happy to talk about. that could be a cool debate.

if we call him.

I would be down for that.

for us to do like a group discussion on this.

should we call him?

he's probably working now. we should have to schedule it, but we will. we're gonna schedule a call with Adam if he's interested and try to hash this out.

I think it's important.

I do too. now let's get into some questions.

I did not know that I'm nodding, but it's brand new information.

it's like religious. it's blessing you so that you are protected from this demon, takeover.

wow, that's weird. I did not know that.

yeah, and so we're like that's antiquated.

it's a good question, though.

this is a good in maybe, if you call out that you're embarrassed, even if you aren't, that makes it about you. so then if they do it, they know they're making you uncomfortable, and so they probably will stop.

if they're nice.

it's no longer polite to do it. it's actually making you uncomfortable, and I think, if you say that, I actually get really embarrassed.

I have a friend who sneezes a lot in a row and now I'm thinking back and feeling really guilty that I didn't get it. maybe this letter being written and broadcast.

will help all of us and raise awareness.

around multiple sneeze people.

MSPs?

now that I think back. she was always like and then kind of annoyed, and we would just be like stop it. now I'm like shut up. why did we keep? and it probably happened in probably every environment she was in all the time.

it's true, she already knows. oh fuck, there's about to be 10 sneezes. this is so embarrassing. so when you are around MSPs.

and then it becomes a joke.

wait. should we call my MSP and ask her about this? what's happening?

you just shake your phone.

why isn't it working? that's weird.

oh my god, it's the beginning of the new year.

phones don't work in this year.

my phone was fucked up this morning. wait, really? couldn't put it on silent and it would text like it was on a speaker. I was actually worried for the show. I'd have to leave it outside the attic.

hold on.

is it just your speaker phone?

you're calling me. I tried you.

I wanted to try.

but see, I can't put my phone on silent and it rang. it's on silent right now, I think because of the beach.

you got something in there.

it won't go silent.

see, I had to warm it up.

it's weird.

hi.

we're looking at the new apartment. we're measuring stuff.

oh my god fun. it will be quick, but you're on air for sync, so you have Liz and me.

I don't know who this is, Laura.

I kept you anonymous, just in case I can cut that if you want, because I have diagnosed you as an MSP, a multiple sneeze person. oh heck, yes.

because he ignores me.

so I find it very annoying when he just ignores what I'm going through, wow.

it turns our whole theory upside down.

it does, because now we have multiple data points.

I don't like that. oh my gosh bless you.

that's all. I just need one in my mind. but I feel like if someone were to do it every sneeze, then I would be extra self-conscious. I think just somewhere in the middle is the sweet spot. acknowledge what's happening, but don't make them embarrassed.

do you know other MSPs and do you guys talk about it? I think I'm the only one I know. it's an isolating sort of group.

but also sometimes when I'm stressed.

I will sneeze multiple times.

we've noticed that with you. if you're talking about something stressful, it will happen. it's kind of interesting, it's kind of neurological.

remember in.

murder at the end of the world.

the guy who would always sneeze when bright light hit his face. oh, I did not see it. that's an actual neurological thing. there's a name for it.

I don't remember what it is, but I thought maybe I would have that.

but like triggered with stress, but I don't know what it is. well, we'll do a deep dive, but just so you know, I think we're building a community of MSPs, and so this is for you. I was telling Rory a breakup story once.

and sometimes she'd say bless you, I can ask her.

but I think she just gave up after a while and just kept saying wow also, she's stuck, she's across from you, she can't just go away and let you be, not just romanticize me, by the way. okay, well, he's not very supportive. now we know.

well, we'll let you go.

thank you for weighing in bye.

that's a really valid question. can you look it up? that would be scary.

well, you know the whole thing, like if you sneeze 17 times or something, you orgasm what? yeah, that was a thing, and so when we were young, we would try to like sniff pepper to see if we could sneeze enough times to create an orgasm.

oh my god, that's like what a girlhood. like guys, boys could just orgasm, doing like sitting at their desk doing nothing, and we had to like sniff peppers.

although, do you know, I've had spontaneous orgasms, have you? really?

I had them when I was young, like at pool and like stuff like that.

at pool? yeah, at the pool.

sorry at like swimming class, like I remember. once it was like my turn to go and I was like I can't.

no.

and I didn't know I was orgasming, but like I was young and I was just looking in the eyes of my instructor.

this is a secret.

yes, but I also was like I kept this under wraps. she doesn't know. it was probably obvious. what about you?

mine was born out of, also like the fantasy, like if I was deep in a fantasy mode.

wait, did you ever google that?

it's probably because maybe my epilepsy, maybe it's all connected. it's like my brain is firing in a weird way.

that's incredible.

it was cool.

wasn't that an episode of Grey's Anatomy of a woman? she couldn't stop orgasming with her mind? I mean like. that was a thing and she came in and they were like. I mean it's kind of a smart, good writing.

I feel like the last time I remember it happening in my car, maybe like 10 years ago-ish. I think it stopped when I had sex.

no way.

I think so.

men ruin everything.

timing wise, I think so stop and I would have orgasms with my vibrator. they were real. I know what it was.

do you remember what you were thinking about?

yeah, but I'm not going to say no way. I was in fantasy land. I was in a full fantasy land.

that's really cool.

because you've orgasmed in your sleep, right? I have. it's so fun actually.

I wish I could like.

it's such a great pop out.

it is.

anyway. did you find it? there's not really.

or heart attack.

but it's not the actual act of sneezing that's going to kill them.

but I could see like.

because blood vessels will burst and stuff.

kind of scary.

they should create some sort of inhaler or something.

can you block your nose so it stops?

no, they say don't ever do that for a sneeze, why? that your brain will explode, no!

you guys are lying.

no, no, I have heard that.

Rob is giving me the look.

Rob is being a rascal, but I'm being serious. you're not supposed to, you're supposed to let it out.

but what if it's your 34th in a row? you've got to stop it.

that's an anomaly.

but what if someone who's listening right now happens to them and then they listen to your advice and then they die?

no, the act of what's happening is still happening.

even if you block your nose, yeah.

you're just not stopping the outward motion of it, but it's still like that violent head. it's worse. don't do that, don't plug your nose.

have you ever sneezed like?

snot?

I mean it's like

trauma.

trauma vibes. can I just ask if you've ever like sneezed in a very bad situation, where you're really not supposed to sneeze like during sex or something?

I feel like I have really?

but I can't recall, but I think it has happened to me, and then you have to just be like wait a second, but then just the act of doing that makes you horny.

because it's like everything's exploding out of me.

people say it's.

like pooping, sneezing.

yeah, people say that. have we talked about this? no, you told me this.

about pooping?

yeah, that if you like pooping, then you'll like anal.

I did not tell you that, definitely did not tell you that, but I could see that being true, because you're comfortable with things up your butt.

well, not just comfortable, like if it feels good, if you're one of those people that, like you, get pleasure.

you get relief.

but I think some people feel nothing. I feel like Rob feels nothing.

no, you get relief. yeah, depends how bad you have to go. I love it.

you will love anal you will. that's what I've been told, and it's like a formula. it's science, and the way you said it I can tell.

no listen.

I wonder. I feel like Dax would confirm this.

he loves anal. I wonder if Jess loves pooping.

Jess would, yeah, maybe Jess told me that.

I can see that, but then, if he told you that it is not scientific, do not take that to heart. okay, let me do another question.

I don't see a problem with this whatsoever.

either do I.

I feel like this is a great scenario to be in.

unless you feel like you're not properly processing the end of the relationship because you've just quickly like pivoted, which maybe that's the fear around it. but both can happen. you can process what went on in the relationship via therapy and then also like have fun. you don't have to be miserable just because the relationship ended.

100% and you can process things while you're meeting your physical needs. and again, it's not like you're building this. and even if you were building something with someone else timing I mean you don't really plan when you'll meet someone that's the right fit and like I wouldn't discount it just for that reason.

the only thing I would say is maybe watch that it's not becoming like addicting the way that you're regulating your emotions with it. as soon as you start to feel sad or think about the relationship, then you're like I don't want to think about that anymore and then you go hook up. I do think that can be a bit dangerous not dangerous, but it's definitely like you are using something to regulate something else. but it doesn't really sound like you're doing that and I think it's fine.

I don't know. maybe I'm so toxic, but what do you need to figure out? it's over. it's not like. you're in the process of breaking up and you're figuring out.

but I mean 10 year relationship is long. it's like coming out of a marriage. there are things I'm sure that you have to deal with and think about, and what happened and why it happened.

that from happening. have fun.

you can be happy. it's okay. two good ones. we have time for one. my husband's job takes priority, even though we make the same amount.

and very common this fight and this argument and this issue in heterosexual relationships.

I don't know what to say. I guess there's one thing to talk about, which I assume you probably have in couples therapy. is he happy with the financial situation that you guys are in? it kind of seems like he is, which is why he's not pursuing all these other opportunities. it's complicated, because you're not happy with the financial situation that you guys are in and you feel like a lot.

it feels like you're sacrificing a lot and he's.

talk about compromise.

resentment is not bad. resentment is information and you talk about. you moved and you made these changes. you are working part time to make up for the fact that you're at home.

I have compromised my idea of what I thought our life would be and my own standards for a work life balance. basically, I'm splitting familial responsibilities and stuff. marriage takes compromise, so I'm happy to like take some of this, but I need you to show that you're also compromising some of your things, and maybe that is this like kind of pie-eyed idea about working for what's quote good versus what's bad.

the priority that you have is you and your family's happiness, and the priority that he needs to have is also that it's a constant dance and sometimes one partner is prioritizing the family more than the other, on a day-to-day basis or even on a. oh, I have to go to work this morning, so can you do this? but overall, I think there's an imbalance here that he's prioritizing his own. if you are vocalizing these things and he's not interested or curious, I think that's actually the sort of red flag here, not even the fact that these are his preferences.

I think it's hard enough. if the partner is making a ton of money and not contributing in the house like that in itself is hard, let alone that's not even happening. they're not providing financially.

there's this book called Fair Play. that's all about this. like the author Eve Rogowski, I think.

it is it's wild.

it's not the affairs, it's these boring.

money and kids.

and just division of labor and assumptions that are made, and women taking on often a lot more of these invisible tasks. the mental load is invisible.

there has to be a contribution to the family. otherwise why are you there? I'm sorry, that's the truth.

and I would think that.

I would start to think that I'm doing absolutely everything on my own and I'm making the same amount of money. I don't need you.

I mean it's very like, much like she's the, again in very traditional ways, like she's the man.

but not really because in traditional ways they aren't taking care of the kids.

well meaning she's doing all of that too, but she's also providing, and maybe that can be also a way into the conversation, because a lot of men want to be providers and enjoy being providers actually, and maybe he's not realizing.