Synced: The B.E.D.

I panicked last night.

What'd you panic about?

The double date, the turnaround. Did you deliver? I think I have a few options for you.

Oh, this is incredible. Okay, so for the listener, this is BTS. We had a really fast turnover for last week's episode. So actually, we're recording this just a few days after we recorded last week's. So Liz only had a couple days to make magic happen.

I tried to re-download Hinge, and I'm logged out. So, honestly, Universe is probably like, no, because that's not the route I want. Well, I was desperate. I obviously don't want it to be all dating apps, but last night it dawned on me. I was like, I got to put in some work.

This is great.

So it's not my favorite. My ideal, because I would typically put 10 to 14 hours into this, but I had less time. So I just did a lot of reach outs. And some of them are no longer in LA.

How desperate did you get?

I did ask friends that already set me up or don't tend to set me up.

I did one reach out, just so you know, yeah, it didn't pan out.

That would be. the plot twist, is that you are the, oh my God. I hope I'm not, I don't do a terrible job that that's what happens. But there was one matchmaking, Heather's boyfriend has set me up a few times and he had talked about this guy and I'd gotten like a bad LinkedIn screenshot, but I wasn't like insistent around it. And so I circled back and now it's happening.

Oh, my God.

But he seems cute. Okay.

Tell me a little bit about him.

He might be in finance. I don't know.

What's the age range?

Usually, the age range is in the forties. Okay.

I like this.

So an older gentleman. And usually he sets me up, honestly, they're like solid. One of the guys that he set me up with lives in New York and I would have done a run of a turnaround. What do we call that? Coming back to a person.

I don't know.

I mean, return purchase is funny. Oh my God. You would do that? I would do that for you. And he's great.

And what's his job-ish?

What's the industry?

Yeah. Question.

I know. This is not how I would want things to go. I take this very seriously, you know? And I'm-.

Oh, wait.

I have a third one, that I'm actually excited. Oh, wait. I have a fourth one, too.

Oh, no, but also way too far away.

That's like New York.

It is. But remember what we're doing. This one is for you. This person we're picking is for-.

No, this is for you. I wouldn't-.

Wait, what? No, the whole point is that you're picking a person for you and then he's bringing a friend.

But to be TBH, I wouldn't be actively like pursuing these people.

We need to pick people. The whole point is-.

Well, I think this is good, because sometimes the people that I really want to go on dates with are kind of toxic, and the ones that I'm like, whatever, they can be healthier. So I think this is good.

Then this goes back to what I just said. So we're picking a person for you and then you will tell them, bring a single friend.

Yes. So that guy's an entrepreneur. Seems like we would honestly have a good night. And then there's this like Danish guy. We have a few friends in common, someone I kind of had a thing with, but I think he teaches him tennis, so it's not like they're friends.

Okay. It's weird.

And he's a tennis coach. slash therapist. Wait. Go.

Hold on.

Which feels super great for us, because that's kind of two of our core goals for the summer. Well, it was last summer. This would accomplish a lot of things for us.

If we all go on a date together, we can't then take tennis from him if we don't like him.

It could be a tennis date. Oh my God. This would be my dream. It would be a doubles game. You and your date and me and my date.

But we don't know tennis yet.

He's a tennis coach, so he'll teach us. We'll get a free lesson. Oh boy.

You're adding a lot of layers onto an already complex sitch. I think we need to keep this first date dinner easy. But if we want to pick him, then maybe we could move on to tennis if we like him.

But then it's like, if the date is bad, at least we learn tennis.

I don't think we're going to learn tennis in one date, just FYI. I also think, how will it be a date if we are just playing tennis the whole time?

Because that's the ideal date. You're not focused on the date. You're focused on the third thing. That's my whole theory about dates. The worst dates are the one where you're like, I only have me to talk about.

Excuse me? No one in the whole world should judge how I am in the BED based on tennis, that I don't know how to play. Absolutely not.

We should post videos of you playing tennis.

Yeah, I don't know how to play. That's the whole point of why you need to take a real lesson.

But maybe once you have this, you know.

I feel so stressed out by you today. My God.

But for guys and sports, any guy who doesn't know how to play sports, that's fine. But when he knows how to play, well, you're like, all right. It gives you a sense of how they're going to be in the bedroom.

Oh, my God. Okay.

Is there anything that you, in the wild, seeing a man do? that has nothing to do with intimacy or sex? Sure. That when you see them do that, you're like, you're probably great.

In bed. Yeah. That's a great question. I guess to me, if someone is showing confidence in any way, I sort of translate that over. I think, oh, they're probably confident because they know what they're doing.

Well, the way that a man walks or enters a room.

I mean more in the way they're treating other people. Like if they have to one-up, I generally think that person's actually insecure.

Right. What about, have you seen the guys doing cooking videos online?

Like Ryan's video? No, the opposite. Oh, they're like really good at it?

It's very titillating. They'll like slap the salmon and then like spit a little bit on the...

Like, ew.

Oh, my God, we're so different. Do you know what I'm talking about? Okay, we're going to...

I don't know what's happening today. I feel...

We're not synced.

We're not synced today. It's okay. That's going to happen. But listen, hold on. This is really important.

I think there's two kinds of men and food videos. There are these guys who are intentionally... I mean, it's... I'll show you one of them.

It's on purpose?

It's so sexual. Like, it's almost like the food is just an excuse. You're watching and you're like, how is this legal? Like, this shouldn't be... It's so overt.

Liz, he definitely is doing it on purpose. No, no, no. He's just better at it than these other guys.

No, no, no. It's like a... Send me one right now. Okay, I'll find it. I think I saved it.

I want to live play it.

Okay, well, we should do a live reaction to you, watching both and posting on social.

Oh, maybe that's the social. Yes.

Okay.

Okay, we'll do that.

We'll do that. Where were we? But like, I was watching... Okay, so you've told me so many times to watch Ocean's Eleven. Oh, yeah.

Oh, no, that's the whole.

That's part of it. And it's hot. Like. it's like... He's so hot.

What a movie. Did you like it? I loved it. Isn't it good?

It's really good. It holds up. I didn't finish it. Oh, God. But I'm almost...

They're so good. Okay, two things. One, this leads me to... We talked about this on a fact check, but I'm gonna ask you. This is Callie's first date question, and it's really good, okay?

That feels like a trick question.

No, it would say a lot.

It will.

Well, we should ask our guys this, but also you tell me.

Probably like a chip stealing conspiracy, like stealing a bunch of snacks. I would be down with that.

So just like robbing a convenience store?

I would wanna rob the bad guy, like the big guys.

Okay, so you wanna, rob Frito-Lay.

Yes, and redistribute to the masses.

Oh, God, so you're like Robin Hooding this?

No, okay, well, I'll keep a lot for myself, and it's a purely selfish endeavor. My dream when I was little was for my parents to own a convenience store, because then I could have access to chips anytime I want. I thought about chips a lot as a kid. We've been through this.

We've talked about this. We've definitely talked about it. I don't think we've really gotten deep on it, though. Do we need to? I kinda want to, because it's really interesting.

There's home videos of me as a literal toddler, where my dad will be filming my sister on the monkey bars, and then he'll be like, Elizabeth, and then it's like me, somehow, I'm not even walking yet, but I've managed to get to a chip bag,

and I'm eating chips. He's worried, because you'll choke on them.

Choke, or I mean, many reasons, or maybe that's my second bag, you know, and I'm two and a half. And even random videos, I always have something in my, I'm always eating. I'm snacking. Snacking was a lifestyle, a definite hobby and safe place. for me.

And have control?

I think it was happiness, and relief. And me and Kat, one of our first crimes, coming back to crimes, was going to the bodega, basically, like Le Depardnard, our version, and lying to our parents about it, and saying, like, we're just gonna go to the park, and then we went to buy chips. And Kat was candy, and I was salty, and she was sweet, which was perfect, because we never needed, whatever the other- You don't want to share. Yeah, there was never any sharing. I mean, this is the sad part of, I have memories of being in my room alone a lot, and then having a bag of chips, and then feeling good, but then feeling bad afterwards, too.

You knew that you had an attachment. that was sort of a problem.

Well, a compulsion, that I couldn't stop when I wanted to stop.

Okay. But chips end.

Yes, and that would be heartbreaking. And then I would be like, oh, I'll save some, so I have some left, and I wouldn't be able to do it. Right. Food, I mean, again, we've been through this, but I think it's one of the least talked about things, that if you grew up with dysfunction, like you have an eating disorder, like, most likely, because it's so available to kids as a form of soothing. It's a way to take care of yourself.

It's nourishment. Yes. And if you're not getting it in other emotional places, I guess that makes sense.

Totally. Did you have an attachment to food, or like a certain kind of food?

Cookies, I guess. Not really. I also have to credit my parents a bit. I didn't, I think we talked about this in the last episode, where you were saying, were you an ingredients family? Yeah.

In your house? Yes. At all times?

Not at all times, but we had them, and I choked on a Dunkaroo. Oh my God. And it was really tremendous.

Wait, why? My mom had to like,

kind of Heimlich. It came out before she had the full Heimlich, but.

Oh, my God. So that's why you don't have an attachment. Oh, maybe. They were deemed, and it was like.

It turned out to be physically dangerous, which sugar is. Yeah.

That's so scary. Was it a vanilla one, or a chocolate one? A chocolate.

I'll never forget. And I loved them so much. In my head.

Were you able to eat them afterwards? Probably.

I probably was.

Yeah.

I still love cookies. But in my head, I choked on like a big chunk of the icing. Oh. But that doesn't really make sense.

It would, because it fuses. Or like, it would be hard. The icing was hard, and so then it's just a lot. I mean, it checks. Then it's lodged in your throat.

like you can't make noise. Oh no, Monica. Yeah, it was scary. Every time I think about that, I am reminded that I need to learn the Heimlich and relearn CPR.

Do you want to learn it now?

Yeah.

Well, you know how to do it to yourself when you're alone, right? That's very important, because as a single woman.

I think you told me, but I kind of forgot.

Okay, so, to anyone who's listening, if you are choking, and you're alone somewhere, you grab a book, preferably like an atlas. An atlas. Sorry, sorry.

No, no.

No one in the continental United States slash in 2024 has an atlas.

Okay, you're right. Like a coffee table book, like something that's just- Heavy. Heavy. Like. obviously, grab anything that you can, or any book that you can, but the larger and the thicker, the better.

Oh, you're saying solar plexus, but okay. Do you mean like right under the boob?

Under the first rib, basically. Okay. I'm like, I want to make sure I get it. Wait, can you Google it?

I think you mean sternum.

Sternum, yes.

I know, but nobody knows where that really is.

So there must be a thing. The breastbone? Do, give yourself a hemlock, just so we have like a name. Slightly above your navel.

Okay, that's your belly button.

Yeah, almost like in the middle of your stomach, basically.

Okay, okay.

Slightly above your navel. And you place the book there, and then you run in direction of the closest, I mean, a table would be the best, even a wall will work, right? Because then you're, basically, you're creating a force.

That pushes it out.

And you do it as many times, right? Like the first time. it might not work, but you just keep doing it. I know, I'm, do you think about choking all the, I think about it.

I do think. All the time. Fuck.

Supplements? I have to take so many supplements, and every time I do a prayer, I'm like, all right, because I take a bunch of pills.

Yeah, me too, but I never think about it with supplements. Oh no, now I'm gonna. Sorry, sorry.

This says to use a fist.

Really?

Your own fist?

Yeah, and then put your hand on it. I think the book is probably better, because doing it yourself, you probably can't do it in the same kind of force as you would running into a wall. You wanna do a J, basically. I mean, if you're doing the Hamlet to someone, you put your fist and then the hand over your fist, and then you're positioning your fist right above the navel, and then you're doing a J, like going inside of them, like a J, right? I see.

Oh, I hate this conversation. I really don't like it.

You wanna do the baby? Oh my God. But if it's a baby, I mean, it's hard to explain, actually. Well, you have to now.

Okay, okay, okay. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.

If it's a baby, you wanna, and this is under, I think, two or three, you wanna take the baby and basically put their stomach on your forearm.

Turn them upside down.

And you have their cheeks in your hand, basically, and you are hitting the middle of their back in sort of a chopping motion, but that's like, what's that? Angled. And you're going pretty hard, and that will create enough force.

Oh my God. It's like, how many times can you knock on wood?

I haven't even knocked at all.

I just feel like, please.

But now that you know how to do it. Can I never have to do that? It would be great for you to be there, because you could save them.

No, I don't wanna do it.

You'd be great at it.

You'd be great. Oh my God, Liz, stop.

I get really, because I was a lifeguard, something happens to my brain, which I'm like, I'm not saying I'm the best, but I wouldn't expect myself to be good under stress, and particularly that high-level stress. But for some reason, I become mission impossible. I'm so zeroed in.

Yeah, that adds up. That's like when you tried to save the woman. You do get in zones.

Yeah, in the zone.

So you've had to do it?

I've never had to do CPR, knock on wood.

Anyway, I don't know. I forget how we got on here.

Heimlich. Double date.

Dunkaroos. Double date. Double date, but there was something in between. Your crime. Oh my God, yes, the crime, the crime, yes.

I would watch that movie. I would watch you. I mean, I would want like a live stream camera on you at all times. You would be so good at it. You're very sneaky.

I wonder what part would I, who would I be and who would you be? In Ocean's Eleven, we have these characters and they play really different roles. Who do you think you'd be?

Man, I really wish I finished it. I'd probably be the manipulative one.

They're all manipulative. They're ripping off a casino. They just have different skills. Like Matt Damon is like a lifter or whatever. Like he can just like quickly steal things from people.

I feel like you're Brad. Me too.

I could see you being a kind of contortionist, though. Because you have to jump from this thing. Oh, actually, no. Because when you jumped over that hole and then you didn't land.

I would take risks. I am physical. If there was a physical thing, like, I can get it in the zone and get it done.

I kind of think, like you, could be the amazing Yen.

I feel like you are, Brad, because you could be in charge of everything.

I think I could run logistics.

And also, like, you're so smart. I was still like, no, you are. Like. even in the Dan video, so many people were like, how did Monica know? Like in the video, you can tell immediately that you knew Dan was lying.

I agree with you. I think I have a very strong intuition and I have a strong spidey sense about people. I think I can read people and machines, I guess.

But you already knew what to do, right? You were like, oh, he's bullshitting. And then you had already made a plan in like a matter of fractions of a second.

I'm best served where I can be overseeing and then diverting. Hey, that person feels not right, or he's onto us and we got to pivot.

and then creating a new plan. And then everyone's going to do what you do and it's going to work.

There's also getaway driver. That's not us, I don't think. Well, definitely not you. No, God, no. I would be so bad as a getaway driver.

Remember when we couldn't remember where you parked and we went up and down the hill?

Oh, my God.

I just got back from a trip and I couldn't fit the Vegamour in my bag.

Is that why your hair looks bad? It is.

No, it is.

I am kidding, but also you can feel it.

I can feel it. You can see it, you can tell. I took a shower this morning and was like reunited with my Vegamour products, and I was so happy about it.

I can tell a lot with my scalp health, which I had never thought twice about really before. But once I started using Vegamour, I can really tell that it's like not flaky. It feels hydrated.

I love their Grow Revitalizing Scalp Massager. I use it with the serum, so that really goes deep.

Yes, and it feels so good. It's like a head massage. It is. It's incredible. We talked about this a little bit, that after the egg freezing, I felt like my hair was really thinning out and dry.

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An older entrepreneur.

Who is the, oh, LinkedIn guy. Someone who's on LinkedIn. And then you had a fourth one.

Well, I have a fourth one. that would be a twist, but it's a woman. Oh. And she would obviously have to bring a guy.

And that could be kind of funny. Oh, that's interesting. Is she on one of your dating apps?

She's on my dating app. And I've for years kind of ignored.

That's a twist. I like it, though.

I mean, we know it's just gonna be a better date.

For you?

With a guy, there's more chances of it being a bad time. Or of you getting offended by something they're gonna say. Or they're not asking you questions. Or where's like, with a woman.

Do you wanna date this woman?

Maybe, yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm like interested.

We have a lot to choose from.

We could do all four.

And remind me about the Danish tennis guy. He was from an app as well.

He's from an app. We have all these friends in common. Oh, right. One of them being someone I was involved with. You know, when you see the friends in common and it's like a green flag.

All right, I mean, but I also like the idea of the older entrepreneur. He's been recommended to you.

That's the LinkedIn guy, but yeah. Oh. Do you wanna do three?

Let's pick one to date. Let's start with one. I think we should start with the LinkedIn guy. Yeah. The friend of your friend.

Just cause he has a profile.

Let's move forward with LinkedIn.

Should we use LinkedIn as like a dating app? When you think about it, that's all the information we need.

I like personality stuff. I don't like just knowing where someone works.

I know, but okay.

I mean, you can, you can use it.

I've logged out. I can't get into my LinkedIn.

How will you reach him? We're set up. Yeah, yeah, we're set up. We're set up.

We're set up.

This is dead in the water. We lost our platform. Okay, great. So TBD, on date with LinkedIn, guy and friend. Did we hit all our pins?

Would you enjoy being a criminal? Like if it was available to you?

So Callie and I talked about this. She has like a fantasy about this a little bit. She finds this very romantic. Oh. The idea of organized crime.

I'm a scared person. You don't love breaking the rules.

I don't. But that's why, when it's an Ocean's 11, it's like a big friend event. And then I like it. If it's an ensemble cast, then I enjoy that. A solo thievery is not for me.

Right. The whole fun of it is to do it with your pals.

You'd chip steal by yourself probably.

I mean, I shoplifted. Right. By yourself? Well, I did it with friends. It started with a friend and then I kind of did it on my own and got caught with Kat, and Kat didn't know.

Was it chips? It was.

It would. I wish. It was with chips.

You didn't even steal what you wanted?

And it was hair clips. Oh my God. So very 1999 core.

Was it from Claire's?

It was, yes. Our version is Arden. Oh. I know. I still shop there now.

Sociopath.

Yes. It was an abusive relationship and it made me very uncomfortable because even when I would ask him, please don't, it like, really stresses me out, because I literally got caught. He would still do it. It stressed me out so much, and I think the shoplifting thing is that I was so young, like I would never do it now, ever. You would have to, even if you paid me, I don't think I would take the risk.

But did you get a little high from it?

Oh, my God, I loved it. It started just with like, oh cool, I got away with it and then I got addicted to that.

This is interesting because I don't think of you as a rule breaker or anything, but I think you do, you like unknown situations. Yeah, that's true. Hence, the double date. Right. Like it, doesn't not add up.

Look, if I were recruited, if someone was like, we're gonna do this, you're not gonna have to worry about rent. If someone pitched me on it and that I liked them, I would probably.

Yeah, I think you.

First I'd be scared and then, if we did it once and it went well and like, probably just keep doing it. I wouldn't want like people to get killed. I could probably just find my mind if we were stealing from people who deserve to be. Big corporations. Yes, who deserve to be.

Even though I.

You disagree. I disagree. You do, you do.

We feel differently on this, but that's okay. What if you find out, though, that I have a big stake in Frito-Lay? Like you ruined my life.

Oh, I wouldn't like that.

No. You don't know who you're affecting. It could be someone else's Monica.

You're right.

I mean.

Oh, hello there.

Perfect hair. We have a guest in the attic.

What are you guys doing up here?

We're recording.

No, we're not.

Oh. We're talking about organized crime.

Oh, my gosh, one of my favorite topics.

Remember on a fact check, we talked about this and I couldn't figure out the phrasing. Callie's first day question.

Oh, yeah, right, right, right, right.

And the phrasing is if you were a part of an organized crime,

what would it be? Family or organization?

Not necessarily. So you went mob. Yeah, of course. But you know, I went art heist. Liz is in a big chips.

Oh, maybe.

It never closes now.

Oh man, this place is really falling apart. The empire's crumbling.

No, it's not.

It's the late days of Rome.

Maybe somebody else's organized crime is to take us down.

Oh, a lot of people would be incentivized.

Sure. Anyways, she's taking down Frito-Lays.

I got kind of excited that you were saying she had just co-opted the plot of chips.

Oh, sorry.

And I would have felt very flattered by that.

Yeah.

But now we're just talking regular old potato chips.

Sorry.

But don't be careful. They're a big part of her life.

Is that your very favorite food group?

Yes, that was how I got immediate relief and like happiness and connection.

Regulation.

Yeah. Okay, I feel like I had that via TV. But did you have full access to TV all the time?

No, and even the fact that you had access to Dunkaroos.

Is Dunkaroos Dunkin' Donuts?

No, it's the snack food. It had a little bit of icing.

and then these small cookies in the shape of dinosaurs.

And they were called Dunkaroos? Yes. Oh, and you were encouraged to dunk them in milk? Is that the reason?

No, in the icing. In the icing. Oh, okay.

Sorry, the icing was separate. I thought it was already on.

No, you would dip it and it was called a snack, but it was really just a dessert. But I have a theory that the kids who weren't allowed to have sweets in the house or chips or Dunkaroos, it became this contraband. Like it became the drug of choice, because it was like, I can't, I can have it. And so maybe that's why you don't think it's like, if you have a bag of chips in front of you, like you can think about something else. I can't, because I'm like, oh my God, there are chips.

I relate deeply to that, because we would be with my mom at my house for two weeks straight. We had a gallon of milk, and then you got a box of cereal. for those two weeks. She had to make it last. No soda, no chips, no cookies.

It's a scarcity mentality.

Yes, devour. And he and I both have this capacity to overindulge in a way that I think has to have something to do with that. Or we'd go to my grandparents and they had the same kind of loot.

Wow. And you have no scarcity mentality. With-.

She's abundance.

Food, I don't really. Also because I, as we've talked about so many times, I'm extremely wasteful. So if I don't finish something, I feel in my head, I can buy this again tomorrow. I don't have to eat this right now because I can have it again tomorrow if I want, unless I'm in another state. So, like when I'm in New York, I eat so much more than I do when I'm home, because it is scarcity mentality.

You have acute scarcity and we have chronic scarcity.

Right.

I think I have practical scarcity, but it's like it actually is true.

You're not gonna come back.

Exactly.

Because I, at dinner in New York, you were kind of going to my pace and I was like, oh my God, this is so exciting. We were sharing fries and eating cake and you got like all the desserts and I was like, oh my God, I don't feel like I'm eating the entire thing and I gotta like slow down.

I think this is dysmorphic. You order small, you ordered like taquitos.

I eat quick and I eat like it's about to fall off the table.

As someone who's eaten with you a lot, I've never felt that ever.

That's funny. I feel that.

And I wonder why you feel that. It must come from old days.

I'm a little self-conscious when we're sharing things, because you don't, you're like gonna take one bite and then talk for four hours and then I'm like, this is gonna be embarrassing, where I'm gonna overeat and then she's gonna notice and like I, yeah.

Also, maybe I wonder if we share this, which is like, Monica, if you're sharing any given dish with somebody, it doesn't enact this like panic, does it? Like if you're sharing, if there's like eight pieces of pizza, in fact, that's a bad example, because clearly both people get four. It's when something's kind of loosey, goosey, or you're taking scoops out of something or it's artichoke dip. When you're sharing, do you start thinking like, oh fuck, I gotta get my share.

I generally don't have that. Again, because I know if I didn't get enough, I can say, can we get one more artichoke dip? Can we get one more? And I pay normally in these cases, so I feel fine about that. But for the most part, I don't have that.

So I was gonna suggest that, so your sibling was so much younger than you, you were so dominant. My brother was five years older, so it was like someone shot a starter pistol and it was like, go! Yeah. And he could out-consume me, and I wasn't gonna get my share, and it was unjust. But I do wanna enter yet another thing into this debate, which is my children, who, if any two people, have grown up in abundance, it's them.

But is that more a respect thing, though?

We talk about it quite a lot and she shares her feelings, which you know she's quite articulate at doing. And no, she has this genetic scarcity thing. So it's interesting.

Me and my sister is the same thing. I'm Delta and my sister's Lincoln.

All of you are talking about birth order as well.

Sure, right, younger.

And that, I think, has something to do with it. But also, Delta is not scarcity mentality at all when it comes to like money, or if she shares shit all the time. Like, she's always like giving off her little squishy, you know, she like, she's not hoarding of the things she cares about. So maybe it's specifically food?

Yeah, I was gonna say, I don't think those things are mutually exclusive, because I would think of myself as quite generous and sharing as well. But food, Monica, what you were saying, like, yeah, I'll order an artichoke dip and then, if I need another one, I'll order that. That's very logical. Clearly, I could do that too. Weirdly, here's how I have to do that.

I did that literally on Friday. I ordered, I wanted fries. I was at this group dinner and I ordered two because I was like, I don't want, and then they didn't even eat their fries. And again, I was like, I don't understand how you don't, like, their fries in front of you, don't eat them. And so I ended up eating both.

How about this? I'm such a routine person. So in the morning I brew my coffee. It sits with a lid on it while I meditate. And then I'm allowed to start drinking it as I start journaling.

Oh, my God, yes.

And you guys, it-.

I know, I know, I know, I know.

It's like insufferably painful. What? Because she takes a sip and I'm like, the whole thing's fucked up. now. It's already not enough.

And it's painful. Oh my God, but it's-. You hear, right? I know you do.

I'm telling it knowing it's ridiculous.

I know, I know. Yeah, yeah. It's because, and this is across the board of everything we're talking, it's a stranglehold on life. It's like, oh my God, if this goes even slightly off kilter, the whole thing's fucked up. That's not reality.

That is an objective truth.

But I'm saying, you gotta practice that.

Well, surely- Like loosening the grip a little bit. I hope I've gotten better. But again, if you grow up and a lot of really unexpected turns are happening all the time and your baseline is expecting the shoe to drop and for some crazy step backwards to happen, you start getting really controlling about these little things and you get very superstitious. Athletes are all this way. Any endeavor where there's a high probability of failure, I think you get increasingly more controlling and superstitious.

I get where it comes from.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I have compassion for that, tons. But also now, it's just about-.

Transcending all that?

Yeah, like that's over.

Yeah, I don't desire to have my morning ruined by giving someone one sip of my coffee. Like. I see the absurdity and it's not comfortable and I'm not proud of this behavior, but that's what happens.

I don't think Kristen does this, but certain people do trigger these very specific emotions, and so, like I said, my brother will trigger something that no one else on earth will trigger, and he does that. When we're at a dinner and he's just eating off the shared thing and not paying attention at all to the amount everyone else is getting, I have my own story about him. He's not paying attention.

He's not conscientious.

Exactly, which he is, but I have this idea about him from being a child. A baby. Yeah, that is not fair to him, but that I project in all of our circumstances and all of our interactions, and I have that with some other people in my life as well. So it's not really how I feel blanketly, but certain people will just shine a light.

Yeah, and food is so like primitive. That's the part that feels maybe uncontrollable or reveals kind of the most primitive parts of us. I mean, with sex, it's the number one. It's a need. Food is more important than sex, right?

Oh, yeah.

It's kind of a funny joke, Monica. It's fine.

You know what I learned this week? Of all of the senses, touch is the only one that is necessary for survival. You won't die if you lose your sight or obviously it can create obstacles, but touch, you will die. It's like the most essential.

How did this conversation start about the, oh, it was the Callie question.

Yeah. Yeah. Good date question. That's a good first date question. Look what happens.

Yeah. When I moved to LA, went on Article immediately for all the outdoor furniture. Like I had this little virtual designer and she recommended so many things on Article. And then, once I was there, I just saw the whole website and it was the end. I mean, it's just, it's very stylish.

It is. Yeah. And it's amazing because it's a perfect balance between style, quality and price. You're never gonna see anything that you feel is outrageously priced, but it looks like it should be.

It does, right?

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This is the perfect place to ask, because it feels very gendered. Murder.

Very gendered, yeah.

When you think of these crimes that you might commit, does the thought of killing a very, very bad person, is it undesirable, neutral or desirable?

How bad are they? What have they done?

Like Hitler, Stalin, Putin. Right now, when you present me with the notion, like when you say to me, Dax, we've arranged this, you can go into a eight by eight room with Vladimir Putin. You have an hour and nothing will be held against you. I'm very excited about that proposition. I would love to kill that man and get him the fuck away from all the humans that he's destroying.

I mean, I want them, there are people I wish were no longer living. Do I wanna be the person doing it? I have no desire for that. The act of killing is undesirable.

What if it's you hit a switch and, like a comically big cartoon, anvil falls on his head and you just had to hit the switch?

I just know. it does not matter how bad a person is. If I know I'm responsible for anyone's death on this earth, that would be hard for me.

In my mind, it's so clearly framed, I'd be responsible for saving literally a million people. There's a very few acts you could do in life where you'd be saving a million people.

I know, I want that. I want somebody else to do it.

Wow, even if you think about the person you hate the most in the whole entire world?

I don't hate very many people.

Or what if, like it was like my rapist or like someone had done harm to Delta. What if, like a man, had hurt Delta? Cause? that to me like triggers that there moment.

Well, if I saw it, I would kill them. If I could stop a thing.

With a murder.

With a murder. If I was like walking in on that and I could kill the person, yes, I would. But it's like after the fact, cause. I just really just rather them just go to jail for life.

I remember having an audition for The Last Airbender, one of these movies, I hadn't read any of the books, I didn't understand any of it. And the vernacular was so sci-fi, I didn't know what I was saying. I could not relate. But it was a moment where I had caught the person and I was basically gonna torture them, right? And none of it made sense.

Me too.

Yeah.

I mean, I also like revenge.

Jonah Nolan was here and he was saying one of the most classic archetypal American stories we love is revenge. That's why he wrote Memento. Yeah. It's a bad side of us.

It also is weird coming from you, because I feel like the reason I'm not like that is because of being close to you. Over time, understanding people in a different way, and that everyone has a reason. they are the way they are, I put a lot less blame on people in general. So I don't have this sense of like, they're innately bad or I should enact revenge on this. I'm like, I'm lucky that I'm not.

I'm happy to hear that. But listen, I think we're still in lockstep. Like, I am actually not in favor of a punitive jail system. Yeah. That we're not trying to rehabilitate them or we're not removing them just for the safety of other people.

I am with you on, I want that person removed. But would I get personal pleasure? No. And would I even get, oh God, this is gonna sound so bad.

Oh, this is gonna be good. And people are probably gonna be mad at me for this.

But it's the truth. When Osama bin Laden, when he was killed, I was relieved.

They couldn't plot anymore against him.

Exactly. And I was really glad that Obama carried that out. But I was on a plane. We like landed and they announced it. Wow.

It was cheering. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's not my reaction to that.

Right, it felt like a Coliseum style.

A bit. It's like, I know, like evil. But I don't believe in evil deeply. So it's hard for me to just rejoice. I just will never rejoice over someone's death, even if I hate them.

That's a good quality.

Maybe, now that I'm thinking about it, there's a sense when everyone is in that mode, everyone's cheering over someone's demise. There's always a sense of, what, if that was me? Or that could be me. And of course it can. I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna be like Osama bin Laden in the world.

You have so much empathy. You would like identify with Osama bin Laden.

You're very much onto something. It scares me. Implicit in the cheering was, he was other. It would have been more complicated. Like, I don't think people, when Timothy McVeigh was killed, they didn't cheer.

Exactly, like at any moment, could everyone decide to turn on me.

And even there was criticism, when they killed Gaddafi, there was criticism, like just the photos that were released of him, bloody, like that. if it had been a white man, they wouldn't have published these kinds of accounts. And there's a dehumanizing quality to it. And again, cheering.

I understand the impulse.

Well, in a way, we're doing what they did to us. Exactly. We're not being the bigger person.

There's a hypocrisy as well.

They cheered death and now we're cheering.

Yeah, that's a really good point.

I think I was lucky in this way. I was in Bleecker Street Pizza, whatever that is, 7th and Bleecker Street or something.

Yeah, I passed it the other day.

All of a sudden we heard cheering from like a bar next door. And so my first thought was like, oh, someone just won the Stanley Cup or some football game or some soccer. Someone won something. Yeah, yeah. That's appropriate time to cheer.

What you just said is interesting, right? Like there were people that cheered when the towers went down. And that's just their circumstance. Like a lot of people, are born into some crazy circumstances that lead them to this place where they're excited about a takedown of us. And then, I don't know.

In Denmark, I think. Oh, wow. It was 2011,. no, so I was in London. And I don't really recall.

You weren't in the United States.

Yeah, not yet. Everyone was talking about it there. But, or maybe, I feel like I was on a Greyhound bus on my way to, like, I was in transit. And I remember seeing there were like celebrations at the, you know, outside the White House, or something. Right, like, and then the situation photo.

You know, like. Yes, it became sports.

Yeah, it was us against them.

Anyway, okay, I think we should do some questions. Yeah. Okay, this is relevant with our guest. How do I adapt to my newly sober bestie who not only changed the vibes but also triggers me? This is from Emily.

Me too.

Although we drank and then you stopped. Yeah. Do you think it changed our hangs?