Exposing My Athlete Roster (Boston Edition) [VIDEO]

What is up, daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper. I literally cannot believe where I am right now. I'm like, shaking too many memories.

Literally the memories in this place.

I literally said, This is where the gluck, gluck, like, was perfected. I remember I encountered my first curved penis. We have to talk. I literally had a dream about a curved penis the other night.

And I was like, Thank God, penis is not curved. No, neither is math.

I probably can't say that.

No, oh my God, they thought that Henry and Bruce were coming out.

I know we put the dog beds over there and the dog bowls. Oh, I like the contrast, Jordan.

I know, right, guys, it looks like we're making a porno. It literally looks like we're making a porno, like it's like concerning. I feel like we should just podcast.

And we can eat chicken fingers in bed.

Should we? Should we just like, start podcasting? Yeah, let's sit down.

Six years.

Oh my god, we're getting so old.

I'm shook by that, the fact that you have not been back to Boston.

I was going to say the fact that it's been six years since we graduated college and we're old as fuck.

I'm shook by that, too.

So I haven't been back and I landed and I. Everything just came crashing back into my mind of memories. And like, even just the airport. I know that sounds dumb, but like every, it just feels very nostalgic. So we're currently staying at this hotel, which we're going to get into because my God, the things I've done in this hotel, specifically this room. No. I asked for room 501 because my God, the things that have gone down in here. Um, so we're here where everyone there's. We have people in the room right now.

Mine's not spicy, I don't do spicy.

Okay, so let's just start with story time. So we are currently at the Liberty Hotel in Boston. So when I was in school, and you don't know these stories as a college kid, this is like. This was like the coolest hotel to go to because there's this bar downstairs called The Alibi. And also to give you context, this hotel used to be, I think, like a jail that's turned into what looks like almost it's like haunted, cool hotel.

I walked in and I was like, Oh, this is fun, and like, I was checking in and they're like, Okay, so you know, tonight? There was a DJ in the main level, there's a DJ in the bottom level. I'm like, we got two DJs going like, I'm thriving.

Yes, so every single time, whether it was like a rich dude or an athlete, or whoever. People would stay here. And obviously as like a broke college kid. We would always want to come here because there would be rich dudes here. And it was like a dope vibe of a bar and we would get fucked up. And then it would be fun if, like, a guy had a hotel room because we could, like, after party there.

You're not 21 yet.

I'm not even 21.

Sorry, Matt.

Sorry, Matt, hold on. So we're driving and I will never forget this guy. I know I'm swerving, but it all makes sense. So I'm I'm Bridget's driving and I tell her who dMs me, and she quite literally almost swerves off the road. Because, like, as a Boston girl like, this guy was like Tom Brady.

We'll bleep this out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, and he was so fucking hot at the time and like, whatever. So he dMs me and he asked me out on a date and he, I didn't know he was joking.

Like the leather like cross, cross, cross, cross.

But at the time, they had like some jewels on them, like, that's how bad it was, but also like they were kind of in back of the time. Okay, so I put on my Jesus sandals.

Body suit.

No maroon little like flowy peplum top.

I was going to say, like, you dressed really slutty, but that sounds just bad.

Peplum I don't know this is what was happening. Most of my girls weren't around while I was getting ready. It was just like me, Bridget, my one friend, Lauren, and like Rachel.

I'm about to roll up to the fucking club in Jesus sandals and a peplum top, and I look so bad. I've never looked worse. And I'm going to icon.

Do you change? Do you change? No, we're already driving in his little batmobile.

Do they even let you into a club in, not heels?

Yes.

LAUREN Yes, so we roll up to Icon and I remember everyone's like, freaking out and like, this is the point where, like, I was such a cleat chaser.

Were you wearing heels or Jesus sandals?

I was wearing heels, I was making my pants look. I looked great, like I was looking finally great. I had my extensions locked in.

I was orange as fuck. Redemption time.

Redemption time, I got my straight tan, my fake hair, my fake tits, I'm ready to go. So he rolls up to gym with his roommate or his teammate, and we're like, this is fucking perfect.

Did you approach him or did he approach you?

HE Well, yeah, that was interesting. So he had like a corner area that they brought him to. And I was like, like, I wasn't doing this, but I was like, we need to get over there. So I start like, moving my way with my roommate.

He didn't recognize you. He's like, literally, who's that?

That fucking amish bitch that I took on a date and I didn't even get a fucking kiss.

When you went on the date with him, did you do anything?

Oh, we did make out. we did make out. it was a good make out. It was in the car, it was a goodbye kiss.

Like, no hands or anything.

No hand. I literally couldn't look at myself, like I was so mortified. And my friends, literally my friends. I walk in the door, my friends are like, what happened?

We didn't go fucking bowling, we went to Icon.

And everyone's like, Oh, you fucked up, and most of my friends, I would die.

I would go imagine he just rolls away from the house.

And I'm literally looking down and I didn't even have my toes painted really like it was bad.

Oh, because you thought you were going to put on bowling shoes, I thought I was strapping into the bowling shoes.

The whole situation was actually so bad. And I will say, like I would say in college, I was really with it. And that was one of the biggest laps in judgment I ever had.

You would never make that mistake.

Ever, ever.

Like post-college, Alex work in New York City streets. Never make that mistake, never.

I would rather be late an hour to make sure I look so fucking good.

No, they would have said, I'm taking you bowling and you would have said, What the fuck you a loser. No, you're not take me somewhere better.

I would have said, No, we're going to like Nobu and thank you here. I was like, OK, I'll go bowling with you, so finally, we didn't go bowling. I go to ICOn.

They're all having an orgy, so we did that too with his friend.

And we went back to his room and we didn't have an orgy, but they hooked up with the bathroom and then you had sex with him in the bed.

I did forget about that.

We stayed together and then be like, I'll take the bathroom.

You take the bed, No, you're so right.

They like to be in packs.

I don't know what it is, you're so fucking right. I was like, That's so weird. No, you're right, and I was like, we did that.

That sounds terrifying.

That's giving me scaries, you just saying that, imagine we're here. It's 4.30 in the morning.

Because your coach is like, intense, right?

My coach was the biggest fucking cunt and on top of it, which I'll get to. She had, like, such a specific fixation on me. She changed my hairstyle one day. She was like, Did you do something different with your hair? Alex? So creepy that I knew she was always paying attention to me.

If you were hungover, she was going to be like.

She was going to know, So I look at my phone. You weren't even going to be hungover, you were going to be still drunk, we hadn't gone to bed.

Would the girls be pissed?

The girls would be pissed only because, which I can say now, and they would be like, Yeah, we don't care. The girls would be pissed. Because they wanted to be there, they wanted to be with us in certain moments. Would they have ratted you out? No, they just would have. Like, maybe the upperclassmen would have, because I think what started to happen was because we were underclassmen and we were infiltrating this scene in Boston. Some of the upperclassmen, I think, were definitely a little jealous.

What the fuck are you doing?

Why are you guys getting to go party with the Patriots? And we're in Alston at a frat party? I understood it just started happening. Also, you can relate to this, any girl can fucking relate to this.

Do you have clothes there and stuff?

All of our uniforms are in our lockers.

Do you have to practice in uniforms?

Yeah, we put practice uniforms on for every practice, so we both are splashing our faces with water, wiping all of our makeup off. I was like, I can't get in the shower because everyone knows I would never have wet hair in the morning. Like, that's fucking psychotic. That's a dead giveaway.

And they're like, what the fuck is happening? Why are you the first ones here?

They look at us and they're like, why are you two here so early? and we're like, No? And we're both just like, Oh my god, we couldn't sleep, we were just ready for this.

Oh my gosh, this is giving me college nostalgia. I want to go back.

No, and it was so fun again, because the least try hard. When it came to. I didn't give a fuck if my coach knew I was first or last, I didn't care. In terms of that, I'm going to be good on the field, but I wasn't good at two-shoes vibes.

Were you still drunk?

I was not drunk, I just felt that feeling. And if you haven't gone to sleep? Where it almost feels like everything's so bright and you're almost like having a hard time keeping up with what's going on? Because you're, like, my eyes almost feel like crusted.

Bloodshot, probably.

Bloodshot. And they, like, need to close. And I was like, I'm ready for a 6 a.m. And to people that didn't play sports, why was it 6 a.m, 6 a.m?

You're just like training, awful.

So we go out and I love her so much because my poor roommate. We went complete opposite directions. Because my coach was such a fucking psychopath about me. I was like, somehow I channeled within my body and I had the best practice of my life. It was almost like I was over-correcting so much that everyone was like, damn Cooper. Like I was scoring and I was running, and I was almost like in an adrenaline rush and I was going to crash my poor roommate.

That she's hungover.

They can tell, they can tell some things out.

They don't think she's sick.

No, they fucking know, they know we were fucking out, and so she goes to the locker room.

Are you associated with her?

Yes, but they're also like Cooper's lights out right now. Why is she scoring all these goals like we want to yell at her? Like, I think that was a lot of.

And puked my brains out.

I puked my brains out and then I just laid on the carpet of the locker room and took a quick 15 minute nap. And then she comes back out to practice. She was struggling so fucking hard.

If someone like, if she got caught, was that something that you kicked off the team?

No, we would get a punishment, which my coach always did to the two of us. Like there were girls on our soccer team that got caught like drinking.

I was going to say, with the Greater Boston Sports team.

No, actually, like, all of a sudden, my roommate and I would just always come here and we would always find ourselves in, truly like, the most fun situation. I was so broke, I had no money. I was in college. And I just look back. And I'm like, it was so cool to go to school in a city where I was able to do these things and meet these types of people.

Like, thick and curved, or skinny and curved, because I encountered a skinny and curved once, and I think a thick and curved is better because it's skinny and curved. It's like, like, close your eyes, close your eyes, close your eyes with me, close your eyes.

Okay, but let me tell you, okay, sucking dick, I agree.

Yes.

And then this way.

The curve is against you and you're like.

Lauren.

I love that you remember this, because, let me be so clear, the guy that I only sucked his curve penis and it was definitely difficult for my throat. I went and met up with this guy when I then lived in New York and I had sex with him. And he lied. And he said that he was broken up with his girlfriend and now they're married and he fully cheated on her with me.

Can we just put a lot of beeps and beeps?

I guess we're going to have to. I'm sorry, we're just saying athletes names half of them.

You guys know, this is pretty juicy, though.

But so anyway, so I experienced, and I will never forget, because my roommate and I were really good with each other. Where we would always just pour each other out and so we. She was like, I really want to get invited. We were like, we really want to get invited to their party tomorrow night. But it's like getting late tonight, it's like after partying in the room, and she was like, we were leaving. And he's like.

You're trying to get invited to the hotel.

Yeah, yeah, and so he, like, randomly walked into his room. And my roommate pulls me in. And she's like, you need to go in there and you need to suck his dick, and you need to do whatever you do with that fucking mouth. That's going to get us invited to that party tomorrow. And I said, on it and I go in, he's just randomly like, coming out of the bathroom and I'm like, get down.

This thick.

And I'm not. It was, I think, to this day, it was the biggest penis I've ever encountered, and it was curved.

Can you deep throat a curved penis?

So I did that night because I needed to go to that party. Lauren When I tell you like, like, I was clocked out, you know, like I was ready to go home. And like, when I tell you, like, my roommate and I.

Your shift had ended that night.

My shift was over, like my shift was over.

I guess so the curvature, it's so easy to snag a tooth.

Don't you agree, though? I a little like Nick.

And it's like, that's nothing to do with my skills. Fix the angle of your penis.

Like, almost like, crack it, like a broken nose. So there was like a lot of second dick, there was a lot of gluck glucking and just like a lot of perfecting the craft. And where call her daddy really was like, beginning to brew, and and that was why I'm feeling very nostalgic.

You're looking to have a steamy honeymoon? The Liberty Hotel is your place. The vibes, the sex, the dicks are immaculate. come on over to the Liberty Hotel.

And if you're just looking for a rich fucking guy, the Liberty Hotel.

Oh, cheers.

Okay, so that's my experience in Boston. Is this your? This isn't your first?

My first rodeo in Boston. Are you really asking me that?

I just looked Lauren in the eyes.

Why don't you tell the story?

Why don't you tell the story, begin it?

It was the summer between junior and senior year of college, yeah.

And that's when you and I really like, so freshman year and sophomore year, you and I were of college. Lauren and I were doing our own things in college, Lauren was at Tulane, I was in Boston.

That just makes you sound like a loser.

You're over there playing D1 soccer.

I'm like, Yeah, I love my sorority. You were like the treasurer, weren't you?

The Secretary Alex.

That is serious work. And you were going, you were like.

You were doing your thing and you were like.

You got a boyfriend, you were going.

You were busy, you were busy drinking in Tulane, and I was busy doing my thing here. The first two years of college, Lauren and I were like, I don't need to talk to you, like, we're both like doing our thing in college.

It's like cousins, where you can just pick right back off where you left off.

So junior year, going into senior year, our summer specifically, we like, started working out.

We worked out together every day.

We both were in Pennsylvania for our summer, like usually I would spend it in Boston, you would be in Tulane.

Yeah, so we were both in Newtown for the summer.

Losers.

Yeah, so we were hanging out every day. Were you delivering pizzas?

Yeah, oh my god.

And that's a whole nother story.

Yeah, Alex was blackmailed. Lauren's delivering pizzas, I jump in her car, I'm sobbing.

So you're like, I need to go get my hair highlighted and fuck a guy. Do you want to come with Boston? Do you want to come to Boston with me? And I was like.

Yeah.

That sounds really fun.

Like, So, surface level. There's a quick agenda. Lauren. So we did a road trip.

I didn't really like, know what we were getting ourselves into. And we get to Boston and you're like, don't worry. Like I'll figure out plans for us, like I'm cooking up like four different options, like we'll pick the best option.

Oh.

Okay, like, yeah, I have friends jumping on helicopters too, like, same. So I didn't really know what we were getting into here. I thought we'd be doing like bars and college parties.

Place.

Skipping lines, going into clubs. I had never had bottle service before, like having bottle service. I was like, Alex, are you the mayor of Boston?

What is happening?

Who are these people, who are these athletes? And then I can't tell any more of the stories. I remember nothing else, okay?

So this is the saddest part. This was like the guy that gave me chlamydia and it was a bartender.

I remember his name.

BOSTON It got dark, you guys. There were certain moments where, like, I had to swoop in. Whatever this story goes, Lauren gets so fucked up. he this guy that I start hooking up with brings Lauren back to the dorm.

Literally after that, I remember, because you brought me to Planned Parenthood. Oh yeah, you're right, we get back. We went to Planned Parenthood in Trenton.

No, you guys, you guys.

I'm in the car with Lauren.

I call it her pizza job.

We get back from our debaucherous.

Like, craziness, we get back to PA and something ain't feeling right, and you're like, Lauren.

I don't have a good feeling, like I know I didn't use a condom, I'm like.

What time do you get off your pizza shift? And Lauren's like, I'll be off in 30..

I'm in the car and you came on my last delivery with me, and then we went right to planned parenthood.

I got one more pizza to deliver. We're like in Newtown.

Pennsylvania.

Like, my boss, like bully, was like, Lauren, you cannot just pick up friends and bring them on your pizza delivery.

And I'm like, No, that is what I will do. I'm like, No, I play the card. I'm like, I'm a girl. It's getting dark. Don't you want me to be safe?

I am fully have an itchy V, I have something wrong, I have chlamydia. Let's go so Lauren's like, bye, sir.

We go to Trenton.

We go to Trenton, New Jersey. Why do we go to Trenton? Because we were like, we knew there wasn't.

That was the closest planned parenthood, I think, well.

There was what I think directly in our town, but I was like, I can't be seen like no one can know. And so we drive all the way to Print or Trenton, New Jersey. We go into planned parenthood, I get my test.

How'd it go?

I'm literally like.

What the fuck and Lauren's like?

It's going to be okay, Al. And so we get in the car. We, like, went and had a drink that night and that was it. But yeah, like, we, it's so crazy.

But we haven't been back to Boston since.

And we haven't been back since and cheers to not getting Chlamydia this time. I have not had chlamydia since.

I can't, I can't. Um wait, oh my God.

That's a good question, so someone behind the camera, you know, the crowd, is asking questions. Now we open it up.

We got a question.

We got a question Jordan's asking. The question is is, how did I know about the athletes? So it was kind of in multiple different ways, one because I saw my dad with the flyers in Philadelphia and he would.

Your dad wrote you a playbook, he's like.

Dick, my poor father, is like Eddie. All he said growing up is, you can never date an athlete, and I'm like, that's all you show me like.

Getting dick in Boston get sucking dick and getting chlamydia in Boston.

That's it, cheers. Let's do a little questions the week.

I'm going to hope that you're asking me something that I've asked my therapist and I'll just recycle her advice.

Perfect, okay, daddy, Gang said. Can we talk about age gaps? There is a guy I have liked for almost a year now who is eight years older than me. This past spring, he reciprocated feelings and ensured me that we could be something despite our age gap.

Context.

First.

We both have age gaps, we both are dating older boyfriends. yours is more significant age gap than mine.

Yep, so I get the hesitation because you feel like you're in such different places. But like, for example, if you're saying you're in your early twenties, you're in college. If you are, I could see it's a little difficult to be in college and then have a boyfriend.

But then I would be sad and regret if I tried to, like, dull out my college years to please someone.

Yes.

Like, I would look back and I would be very sad about that if I tried to be like.

No.

All my friends are going out, but like, I don't need to go out. And like, I can, like, do this and like, I'm doing it. Because, like, a certain person.

Is the reason that you're you are hesitant about this person is because of actually just the age gap? Just in itself that you're like, worried about the optics, because if you're worried about the optics, who's a fuck about the optics? I really don't think that you should overthink it. Who gives a fuck if people judge you half the time? If you're dating someone the same age, there's already issues in that conversation, right? If you're worried because you actually have different interests and life, things, I would consider like you. We said about the college thing.

Well, the college thing comes to mind.

Merging your lives and seeing if you can do it, actually take the age gap away. If you are going to figure out how to merge your lives, it will work.

These are issues that, like, come up. If you're the same age, how do we merge our social lives together? Do we have the same expectation of a timeline?

It's all the same shit.

These things are always a factor, they might be more exacerbated and like the differences if you're have a big age gap.

Fuck people that are judging you. If you want to go for something, you sometimes just have to learn for yourself and maybe you'll learn like.

I would even verge to say we were like, codependent for a hot sec. Maybe it was more me than you.

I was like, I was really liking that couch, no?

I think, um, this is the thing I personally think. Codependent friendships are inevitable for a in moments of a period of time.

If you're going through something similar, if you're both, single, if you're both.

Especially city. Like, just, yes, going through the same shit. Cause it's hard to get codependent with someone if they're in a relationship and you're like, you kind of have to all of a sudden be like.

Like the same page.

Same fucking cycle, okay?

But I want to give that some like grace, like I think it's really easy to do in a friendship.

If you are going step by step and stride by stride in life together. Especially if it's in moments that you are needing someone to be there for you. Like, I don't care if let's. For example, I was going to say, out of college is hard, no, going to college. And you had that one friend that you went into college with, or the one friend you immediately make in college. If it's a moment that you need a friend, that you need that support.

And I think, if, like, not handled properly, then that's how friendships break up.

Yes.

And I don't think they need to break up.

Okay, this is what I would say. You need to start actually as uncomfortable as it is, saying no to things, and also really doing things where you're actively not inviting them. I think going from codependent to then trying to get independent, you can almost feel like you're being a bitch and you're being rude.

A self-aware person will probably start to take the cues.

Hey Lair, how was your day? good? I know it was good, cause I was with you the whole day.

So, like, write that down.

Then go do that, no, but think about that, no. That was fantastic. Nothing that I said, you're doing wrong, because if you're in a codependent situation, that's also on me.

I also think it's really fair to say, like, if you feel me saying no and pulling away. It's not like, it's not because you did something or I'm mad at you, it's because I'm totally.

And I think sometimes what I've realized in therapy and I know you feel this way. It's like so many times when we're so annoyed with someone, we really can't see our own shit. And every single time I ever go into a situation now, moving forward in life, whether it's with a partner or family member. I always just speak from me what I'm feeling, what I'm going through. Because when you're like, this is how the bad version would go. Hey, I feel like recently I can't really breathe, I feel like we're so attached at the hip.

It was created together.

Yes, take some accountability, bitch.

And like, a quick aside that I thought of of like that, of like this conversation, because obviously that's not going to be an easy conversation. That you're like, all right, let me sit down and like, tell Alex this tonight. Like the metaphor that I've been given by my therapist, classic love it, um, and use like before I have a difficult conversation, like because for a difficult conversation.

So like.

It sounds stupid, but like, I literally close my eyes and she's like, imagine yourself like, you're on like the high dive, like a really fucking high dive. Like, and you have that antsy feeling in your stomach. You're never going to be like, okay, like, let me dive, I'm ready. You probably sat down, you probably wrote a few things down.

And then once you're in it, you can still feel awkward, but once you're done, you did what you needed to do. So it's like you're going to feel better after it. You're never going to be like, this conversation is so easy.

And I feel like what we've gotten good at, cause. Like, even if, like, we're having a difficult conversation and like, you can tell me, we have like a little nervous energy. At the end. It's like, also like, I know, I just like, said some things to you, like you can process that.

Totally, and I know I'm the one coming to you with all these thoughts. So when you're feeling like you've processed this, like, knock on my door, let's talk, you got this daddy. Um, okay.

Protest.

No, literally protest. Um, no, you know, it's something I was thinking about. There is nothing more awkward than actually bringing something up to a partner about something that you're dissatisfied with having sex.

I was just going to say the same thing.

Like, this is someone that you love and you have a respect for. And like, it is really fucking awkward to genuinely be like, you're not satisfying me in a specific way. And I and and because then what? The fear in my mind, cause I've had this in relationships before, is. Then you also worry, Oh my God, then is he going to then go down and do it? And it's going to be awkward? Cause I asked him to do it and I begged him, and now he doesn't even want to be doing it.

Yeah, so the positive here is that he's like, down to use a vibrator, so like, I'm taking away that, like he cares about you having an orgasm. What I'm curious about and like, maybe this could be a conversation is like, does he not like going down on you? Because he is, like, insecure about his abilities?

Does your V smell? yeah.

Like, maybe I can't get over, like for some reason, like, I'm so sorry and I'm so I've. Maybe he feels so bad to set, maybe your V does smell, and he's like, I'm really sorry. But like, something about, like the smell, it tastes like I'm having issues with.

Cause that's what I was going to say. It's either the smell or the taste that he's maybe like.

It's two reasons it's smell or the taste.

Or he's insecure.

Or he's insecure about his abilities.

Or he's just like, if if I'm sorry, but if he's grossed out by it, then like that, that just is like, unacceptable. Like, I feel like I've heard guys before be like, Oh, I would know, I don't fucking do that. And it's like, I feel like it's like a sexuality thing of, like, like.

Oh, that behavior.

Oh, maybe, yeah, like, they're like, oh, like, I'm not your bitch, like, I'm not going to, like, yet I. It's almost like toxic masculinity of a man being like, I don't need to do that, like, Yeah, maybe.

DJ Khaled refuses to eat.

He said he expects oral sex but won't return the favor because I don't eat pussy. Wait.

Is he saying that real men don't eat pussy?

DJ Khaled said he expects oral sex but won't return the favor because because there are different rules for men, that's so misogynistic and disgusting. Yeah, that that, to me, is the answer, cause I feel like when I was in college, I could remember.

Yeah, that's also a thing like something to put out there, like, if he's giving you, like, okay? So we said, like, Oh, what are the two? We were? We were giving the nice benefit of the doubt.

Yeah.

Maybe there's some hygiene issues that we got to work on together, maybe maybe he's insecure about his ability.

Maybe he's a misogynistic asshole.

If he says anything like, Well, like guys, don't eat pussy or like real men.

Like you, say another one, DJ Khaled, Go fuck yourself.

If he is giving the vibe of like, well.

If he is giving the vibe of all, girls do that to guys, but guys don't do that to girls.

No, it's over. No, I think you say, Oh, okay, equality? um, okay.

So it starts with him not going to the gym.

And then it ends with.

What's even more misogynistic?

He, he doesn't let you work.

And then he tells you.

You can't vote in the next election.

And he says.

Get in the kitchen with the children.

You can't drive.

Get in the back seat.

Like, we don't care about the shit, get out, get out, get voting, right.

Autonomy for you to eat this pussy bitch.

Um, we can, we can call this episode.

If he's not going down on you.

That's it.

Yeah.

Good night, good night, goodbye.