Car Talk
2024-02-01 00:18:37
After 25 years at the Late Night desk, Conan realized that the only people at his holiday party are the men and women who work for him. Over the years and despite thousands of interviews, Conan has never made a real and lasting friendship with any of his celebrity guests. So, he started a podcast to do just that. Deeper, unboundedly playful, and free from FCC regulations, Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend is a weekly opportunity for Conan to hang out with the people he enjoys most and perhaps find some real friendship along the way.
Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit team.co.co.com. slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started.
Hi Jonah, welcome to Conan. O'Brien needs a fan.
Hey Jonah, how's it going?
We're doing great. How are you?
I'm doing well, I'm doing well, it's great to finally get to talk with you guys.
Tell me, Jonah, where are you coming from right now?
I'm coming from Tupelo, Mississippi, which is the birthplace of Elvis.
That's right. Elvis Aaron Presley, born in Tupelo, Mississippi. That is very cool, I believe. 1935, and his house is still there. Is that right?
That is right. He has a whole section dedicated to him, kind of in one corner of Tupelo, but every corner you turn, there's like Elvis graffiti. I mean, he's just ubiquitous, he's everywhere.
Yeah, yeah, well, he is one of the biggest stars of all time. I keep trying to get my hometown of Brookline, Massachusetts, to commemorate something in my honor. Nothing, oh.
Absolutely nothing. And I said, I'm kind of the Elvis of, and then I can't even finish the sentence because I can't think of anything.
Someone put a Conan sticker and they painted right over it.
They painted over it. Yeah, there was a Conan statue for eight seconds, it was made of butter, and a car drove through it and smashed it.
So Jonah, what do you do? What do you do for a living? yeah.
So I'm a used car dealer.
The business was passed down to me from my granddad, who pretty much retired out of it in 2020.
And so ever since then, we've renewed everything in my name, and I've kept it chugging along.
Do you like being a used car dealer?
I do, I do, it's rewarding for sure. And also I like to be able to just kind of not have a chain of command. I can kind of just do whatever I'd like to do.
So, especially with just being able to raise my three-year-old, she comes into work with me.
That's so nice. So you're your own boss, you sell used cars. How many used cars do you have right now?
It's a very small lot. I typically keep five to 10, and I think currently I have seven in inventory and then I have two out in the shop right now. Getting painted.
JONAh, Let me ask you a question. Let's say tomorrow because I could jump on a plane, I can get to Tupelo, there's a direct flight from Burbank. And let's say I wandered onto your lot. Is there a car on your lot that you would put me in, that you think I'd be a good match for?
Um, I don't think that I would have anything currently that you would be real interested in. But, you know, I could put you in one of my cars and we could just kind of tour around the city. And, you know, I could show you all over to show you all those Elvis faces. Oh, that's great. Wait, that's great.
No, I don't think.
That's cool, No? First of all, I've owned all kinds of cars. I had a 73 Plymouth Valiant, once, I had an Isuzu Opel that I bought used at LAX, I had a Ford Taurus.
I've had many kinds of cars, I've enjoyed them all. I'm not a car snob, so I'm, you know, you might have a car that I would really like. But I really like the way you just said, Hey, you could just hop in the car and we could go for a ride. You seem like a very nice, chill person. Do you get that a lot?
Do people tell you that?
Yes, they do. I usually just try to keep a very calm demeanor in any kind of situation.
Wow, you're like the opposite of me. Yeah, yeah, it's so cool.
He really is.
Honestly, he really is.
It's like, I found my opposite because you're very relaxed and you seem like you take life as it comes. I've never done that. I fight every day, I fight the day, from the minute I wake up to the minute I go to sleep. Just battling it, battling time, battling my own existence.
Sorry, this got really intense.
Well, it's funny because a lot of people will say that I'm the opposite of how a typical car salesman would act. A lot of them, they're very direct, and they can be kind of pushy, almost.
They can pressure you. I asked you outright, If I come to Tupelo, what car would I buy? You went? Oh, I don't know if I have a car for you, maybe I'll just drive you around.
You're actually losing money on the job.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't worry, I'll pay for the gas, I'll buy you some lunch. You do seem like someone who, if I showed up, you wouldn't put any pressure on me at all to buy a car.
No, not at all.
Honestly, it's almost like a sales pitch to just say, hey, no pressure, check it out. if you want it, take it home with you. People like that, they don't like to feel like someone's just being right over top of them about a vehicle or anything, really.
That's kind of my approach with not just the sales, but just kind of life in general. Just take things as it comes.
I bet you you're the kind of friend that would pretty much do anything for anybody you seem like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I try to, I try to be there for anybody who needs me pretty much.
I can't get past the fact that you bought a car at Lax. What the hell happened there?
Oh, I know this story.
It was years ago, my writing partner at the time, Greg Danielson, when we first came to L.A. in 85 and didn't know anything. There was a company called Rent-a-Wreck, you could rent a beat-up old car, we rented it. And then, not knowing anything, said, How much would it be just to buy this? The guy looked at us like, You're kidding, right?
This thing's barely a car we bought it for, I think, like $700 or something.
Which one was that?
The Isuzu Opel Oh wow, it was a 1977 Isuzu Opel and it had a sticker on the back that said, I heart my. And then the head of a poodle. And we couldn't ...
And it had a racing stripe, a four-cylinder car with a racing stripe, which is like, it is like, yeah, it's like putting a spoiler on a turtle. That's great. And we drove this car around and then I bought it from Greg. I was like, that sucker let this thing out of his mitts.
You bought him out.
I bought him out that's twice the price and then didn't understand why. I'd try and I'd take a young lady out on a date and she'd get in the car. And it looked like a family of six had been murdered in the back seat with a machete.
The seat was.
Anyway, this is a car even you couldn't sell. Jonah and I drove it around L.A. for about two and a half years.
Jonah, What's the strangest car you've had to sell? Is there any oddities or anything?
There's not been anything that's just really stood out, however, what comes to mind with that question, though, is my granddad had this limo at one point, he had purchased it from an auction, and so he had a limo and he sold it to somebody. But I just ...
Somebody come up and wanted it. You should drive around in a limo, but you're driving it.
Yeah, oh, that'd be great. A stretch limo, It'd be funny if I bought a early 80s stretch limousine that had been used for 600 proms. And it has 140,000 miles on it. But I drive it and then, every now and then, Stoney, you stick your head out the sunroof and go woo.
I would love to be the Woo girl, I've done that.
I've wooed it and then I'd be looking for a low bridge. Oh, come on.
Come on, I would just graze the bun of your hair, that's all.
Come on.
Come on now, it looks like you've got some tattoos on your chest. is that right? Jonah? You've got your shirt open? I see some tattoos there.
How much ink you got?
That's what I like to see. Well, it's ...
That's what I say to the fellas in a restroom, Hey buddy, how much ink you got? Let's see it. It's not weird at all.
It's a Jamaican metaphor.
Show us your tattoo. it's a Jamaican metaphor, Show us your chest, Jonah.
Hey Jonah, let's see that chest.
This is how I talk to people.
Hey, I might buy a car. That's not the first time. Take off your shirt.
That's not the first time someone's asked me that.
Oh, is that true? I'm thinking I might buy that car, but first, let's see those Pecs. A little different kind of test drive I'd like to do. Yeah, I won't need the car.
Hey Jonah. Yeah, sorry.
This compliment turned crazy really fast.
Oh man, no, it's okay, it's okay. I honestly don't even know how many tattoos that I have.
I just know that I have two sleeves and a chest piece. I would say that that might be 50 or so, I don't know.
What do you mean? You don't, so you're not doing it deliberately. Or what happened? Did you fall asleep and someone tattooed you?
No, at some point after you've had so many, you just kind of stop keeping count. I don't really know exactly how many I have at this point.
You are laid back. I do know that. I know, you're incredibly laid back. Oh, I don't know.
These tattoos, I don't even know, I'll just let people do it. That's so cool, that's cool.
Yeah, I'm asleep and somebody's just tattooing me. Yeah, I mean, I have several, my friend is the one that did most of them.
He was interested in trying to utilize drawing as like a career, but he wasn't getting anywhere that way. You can't just sell pictures for a living, usually like drawings, so he got into tattooing. And I think I was like his first one. if I wasn't his first one, I know I had to have been like in his top three.
You let your friend practice on you.
Right, that's correct. What was the tattoo? He's a great artist. It was actually, I think it may have been the bear here.
Right?
That's cool, that's really good. Oh wow.
That's awesome.
That guy's good.
Yeah, so he, I mean, so I had full confidence in him from the jump, pretty much I didn't doubt him for a second.
So you said, you have a three-year-old child? is that right?
I do. Her name's Ella, and in the days, you know, coming up towards the interview, I was talking to her about you. And like, trying to say, like, Hey, dad's going to talk to Conan. So throughout the week, she had been just kind of running around the house, saying, Conan, Conan.
A lot of three-year-olds do that. Yeah, I'm huge with the three-year-olds. Right before the brain is completely formed, they're they love me.
And then, once they have reason, the Reason center expands. I'm through. That's really cool, though. I would I bet you'd be a really great dad because you're so chill, you know? I think that's a great, that's a great energy to get off of a parent.
Don't you think? Yeah? I think so, too.
Just calm, relaxed, sweet. That's great energy.
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
Yeah, yeah, I try, I try to. I try to just be very calm with her, you know, and and just, you know, let her. If she does something that she's not supposed to. I always just try to just be extremely calm with her. And just kind of set her down, tell her like, Hey, you're not supposed to do that.
Yeah.
You know, so yeah, just try to be very chill with her, for sure.
And then try and put her in a 1982 Chevy Chevette.
Yeah.
Get in here with a high interest deferred loan. Yeah, exactly.
That's really good. Parenting is is put that kid in a I see you, yeah, I see you in a cordova.
Did you have a question for me, Is there anything I can help you with?
Yeah, Conan, I was going to ask, Uh, if you had just like a go-to sales pitch, I mean, what, what would you? Um, you know, how would you word it? How would you? How would you act if you were trying to just sell somebody? Just, you know, anything?
Anything? Wow, well, it depends on what it is. I would say, this heroin. Oh well, I'm sorry.
Okay, maybe that's the wrong way to go. Sorry, yeah, I just was trying to pick up a product that didn't need a lot of selling.
Um, I I think I agree with you. I'm very bad at convincing people to do something, I'm very uncomfortable in that role. I've always more or less tried to tell people if this feels like a good situation for you, then you should do it. But I think I'd be in a lot of trouble if, uh, my livelihood putting food on my kid's plate relied on me selling somebody something.
I think you have the right idea, which is, um, I'm, I'm. I find myself as a as a consumer. When people are saying, yep, this is when I go into a store and they go, yep. This is what we have. And I think it's really nice. But if it's, you know, it's either right for you or it isn't. I'm more attracted to that product than if someone's saying, you've got to put this on or you've got to try and drive this. You, you, you know, you can't leave this store without at least trying it. Then I just really want out of there instantly. So I agree with your approach.
Yeah, well, well, great. I'm glad. I'm glad to know that I'm doing something right.
I think so, too. I think you're doing a lot, right.
A lot of people seem to.
I do, I think you're doing a lot, right.
I very much appreciate it.
And I definitely think everyone should listen to Conan O'Brien needs a friend available wherever you get your podcasts.
Ah, there it is.
I'm not interested right now.
I, I'm not.
Listen to me, you cannot leave until you try this Conan O'Brien guy now. First of all, he seems shrill and off-putting, but over time you're going to find he's your best friend.
Sir, this is the 31 flavors that came in for an ice cream.
Yeah, okay, Conan O'Brien needs a friend available in two scoops now with sprinkles.
I used to make up a lot of stuff.
What do you mean?
Like, I sold watches, I used to lie a lot. And when people would ask me questions instead of asking what, the answer like, what was the right thing? I just made it up.
So, like you'd tell them, this can, you can cook a, you can cook a chicken. With this watch, no, or just this watch works? Yes, this is a watch that I didn't take.
Or they'd be like, Where was it manufactured? I'd be like, I don't know Switzerland, and it would be like a Casio.
Oh my god.
Sona The answer is always prague.
Prague.
It was made in Prague.
No, I know I used to lie a lot, so you would just lie I would, and people would believe me.
Well, of course they would.
Cause they like, they like people who know what they're talking about.
But you didn't know what you were talking about, yeah.
But they didn't know that, I didn't know what I was talking about.
People like someone who they think knows what they're talking about, you know what's interesting? Jonah and Sona are both very chill. Jonah, you're one of the more chill, relaxed, centered people I've met. And Sona, to your credit. You are a very relaxed person who knows herself and is confident in herself.
Yet you're very different types of that. Relaxed, Jonah seems principled and honest, and you will say anything, you'll just tell people absolute bullshit.
Something Jonah would never do.
I wasn't even working on commission, like it didn't matter.
You weren't even selling watches, No, you were just in the store. I'm definitely team Jonah, not team Sona. Gulp, gulp, gulp, gulp, gulp.
Well, Jonah, it was very nice talking to you. And if I get to Tupelo, which I'd love to go, I've never been there. And I would like to see the rather modest home where where Elvis Presley was born, and I know he then moved to Memphis, went to Humes High School.
And so his time in Tupelo isn't that long. But but yeah, I'd love to go there, I would love to go and see it. So I would look you up and we could tool around and whatever car you you deem, you deem suitable.
Absolutely, maybe I can even try to track down that limo and see if we can, we can drive around the city in the limo.
I may also I may also tattoo you as we drive around, since you don't seem to care what goes on your body.
Yeah, just bring it on, I'm here for the experience.
All right, Jonah, very cool talking to you. thank you very much and have a great day.
Bye Jonah, you too. thank you guys. see you later.
Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien. Sonam Ovsessian and Matt Gorley Produced by Me Matt Gorley executive produced by Adam Sachs. Nick Liao and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.
Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it Away, Jimmy.
Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer. Samples engineering by Eduardo Perez. Additional production support by Mars Melnick, Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista and Brit Kahn.
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