Summer S’mores with Conan and the Chill Chums Season 3 Episode 5

This special episode of Summer S'Mores is presented by Solo Stove. Solo Stove is uniquely designed to burn off smoke before it ever escapes the top of the fire pit. Trust us, once you've sat around a smokeless fire, you'll never want to go back. Go check them out at Solostove.com. Use promo code CONAN to get $10 off your new pit.

Summer S'mores With Conan and the Chill Chums a six-part series with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Mufsesian and Matt Gorley. Let's get started.

Great job everybody and welcome back. We do a show.

Wait, wait, I'm sorry.

You don't know what I've been through.

I do, I've seen it go through you.

Okay.

You what, what?

Literal rum Oh, I've watched gallons of rum go in.

Well, now it's time we take a look at what pizza art is like when it gets boiled in an oven. Yep.

Well, it wasn't really, I wouldn't say boiled. But they took, I think, very accurate portraits of us depicted in pizza and then shoved them into a would you say? 750 degree oven to 900 to 900 degree. And now we get to see what happened. Which one should we start on?

Sona's falling apart.

Well, and also the pizza's not doing too well.

Yeah, your eyes are there and your earring has moved up your head.

Yeah, yeah.

So the heat, I guess, distorted your ear. You still have that wonderful hair made of pepperoni, which is not unlike your own hair, very high in sodium and-.

Very greasy.

Yeah, so you and I look terribly distorted. You know who actually doesn't look bad, Matt Gorley?

Well, that just means I'm pure of heart and innocent of soul.

No, no, it just means that you were meant to be a pizza. I'll take it, I'll take it.

Yeah, that's an improvement.

Yeah, no, no, no, you look fine. I think we can all agree that Matt, your pizza depiction, held up the best under intense temperatures.

I win this challenge.

You do, Sona, how do you feel about the way you look? You know what?

I'm a little, I don't, I can see my eyes.

Can I say something? Sona? Yeah, I recognize this version of you. It was after we did a week of shows at Comic-con and you would hit the bars every night, yeah.

Yeah, that's what I saw.

That doesn't make any sense.

And I just look like Irish people do after a certain age. There's nothing we can do about it.

I wanna eat myself.

Well, I'm gonna move on.

Okay, it got really quiet after I said that I'm a fucking pizza, it's not like I actually wanna eat myself.

Can I quote you on that? I'm a fucking pizza?

I am and I'm just saying, I wanna eat my pizza.

Okay.

All right, yeah, why?

It's fine, I don't want any trouble from her. Matt, would you distract this insane bowl? So I'm not gored.

Let's first of all, give a big round of applause for Sarah for handling all the pizza art.

Thank you.

Shay-shay, that's Shay-shay.'s the family name my daughter calls her, Shay-Shay.

Thank you so much for doing this for us.

For D.G. for helping us out. And we're gonna bring in Amanda here in just a second, so Amanda, if you wanna grab the treats, we've got coming up.

Oh my God, treats coming up, that's incredible.

While I read this special announcement and hold my own face to see the pizzas and get the drink recipe, be sure to follow at Team Coco Podcasts Podcasts.

Oh, no podcasts. I'm the guy, I'm the one who's being-.

On Instagram and as a reminder, you can watch clips from these esopodes on Team Coco YouTube.

I can't tell how much of you is, how much of it's performance, and how much are you really? A little bit-.

Well, that's the art, isn't it?

The Drunken man on rum. I've never felt better myself.

Oh, you come on.

Hey, I have an idea brought to me by other people.

Okay, you know what, I don't care anymore.

Can we get our other faces in here?

Yeah, okay.

All right.

Yeah, we're also gonna need we need to cut our faces.

Oh, we do need to cut our faces.

Face cutters.

You don't wanna just peel it off.

Well, my whole face is one piece.

Like a calzone.

Oh, just grab a chunk.

Do I wanna eat my chin, my eye, my forehead?

Thank you, this looks amazing, thank you so much.

Yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum.

How hot is this? or is it still? It's cooled off a bit, it's cooled off. Okay, I'm gonna take some. Here's what I have to do first, I have to remove this offending. Oh, look at that. A solo stove. A solo stove very nicely incinerates the mushroom I do not wanna eat.

That's good cheek.

I'm going right for my jawline. What an iconic jawline. Oh my god. Oh my God. Oh I like it.

Yeah.

I look horrifying, but it tastes good.

Yours is loaded with cheese, a lot of cheese happening on Conan's.

I'm tasting some amphetamines. What's happening?

Mine tastes of charm and.

And what?

How's yours, Conan?

It's good, I'm just lost to pepperoni, mine's really good.

Do your kids eat pizza, your little twins?

Yeah, they like pizza, they don't eat it that much, but they like it.

What's their favorite food?

Yeah, what's their favorite food?

Lamb chops and corn.

Come on.

I'm not even kidding.

No one's favorite food is lamb chops.

My favorite food is lamb chops.

You need to leave.

What's your favorite food?

Great cereal, what?

Wait, no, for reals, what is it?

My favorite food bean and cheese burrito.

Well, that's lame.

Can I speak to you under the chair, please?

I'm gonna call a new career low for me.

Can I get a napkin or am I in some kind of medieval time?

This is delicious, this is really good, mine tastes fantastic.

Mine's good too, but I'm really full and I'm done.

Well, thank you, honey, you know, sitting under these stars? are there any stars? Oh, I didn't get one. It's nice to be out here, I'm enjoying myself.

Thank you, it's nice, this is nice, this is really nice. I like summer s'mores.

Autumn s'mores.

Autumn s'mores.

But fuck spring, if we do spring s'mores, I'm out.

Well, I'll talk to the advertising department and see if they can monetize it.

We don't need an advertiser, we could just do it because we're friends.

Oh, no, I would never do this.

You just said you like the company.

Yeah, I like the company and then there's an asterisk at the end if it's endorsed by a product I believe in, like Solostove. Okay, fantastic.

Oh God, who wants to wrap my pizza? who wants the rest of her? She's got a lot of spunk.

Yeah, take good care of him, would your...?

Are you trying to take my fucking pizza away from me, Chalemi?

Chalemi.

Jason Chalemi's been with me almost 30 years. Did you try and take a pizza away from an Irish, a giant Irish guy trying to eat it? I did. I apologize. Did you immediately realize the mistake you were making?

Hey big guy, can I try a piece of your face?

Get the fuck out of my way.

Give me a piece of your face or I will quit.

Do you need a thing?

No, I need a piece of face.

Do you need you need a thing?

Here, pair up, pair up some face for.

Old glasses.

Don't call me old glasses.

I don't know your name.

I don't have a name.

Oh, this is not a good one. Give me a proper face.

All right, we also got to bring in the desserts here, what we have a dessert.

There's a dessert after this.

Part of the thing is this whole thing is called summer s'mores, and it's time we move past that.

It's the sound of digestion. I, on the podcast, came out against S'Mores. Not just you, you as well, yeah.

It was two against one. I love the s'more, I love it.

And you know what, we got a lot of people responding to me in a positive way, you have to admit me, too. A lot of people said Conan and Matt are right.

Can I have a moment to respond, please?

So no.

Shortly after we did Summer S'mores last year, I went on a book tour for my book, The World's Worst Assistant. Available in bookstores everywhere right now, you can order it on Amazon, you can get it at your local bookstore, you can get it at a big bookstore, just like you could go buy it.

What's a big bookstore?

I don't know.

Costco.

What I wanna say is, every time before I was gonna talk to people, I said, Hey, who here likes s'mores? An overwhelming majority? I think that what you're talking about is a very small, loud group of people who are stupid and they're wrong.

No, you're a fool.

No, I've been out there, what I'm saying is, I've been out there in the streets.

You were asking people for a conditioned response, I was out there, and you were getting a conditioned response. You were asking a bunch of hey, puppies, bark and you'll get your treat.

We have a perfect sample size here. Two out of three don't like s'mores.

You probably like vanilla ice cream.

It's a terrific flavor.

It's the most exciting flavor I've ever tasted.

I can't imagine anything more exotic.

You guys like toasted wheat bread with nothing on it?

I tried chocolate once I'm getting hard.

I'm getting hard.

I tried chocolate once and I just passed out. It was too much, it was too much.

Summer S'mores series is back. Each year we gather around a Solo Stove fire pit. this year, Solo Stove sent us the Bonfire. Designed to put out some serious heat without putting off that dirty ass word, you know what I'm talking about, smoke.

Let's bring in Amanda Lund, Amanda, tell us what you've made for us, what you've graced us with here today, yeah.

Banana boats, okay, and-.

This is an improvement on S'mores, basically.

You think it is?

Wait, where do you come down on s'mores?

No, I'm okay with S'mores. I think it is an improvement, thank you.

Amanda, you sort of just implied you don't like S'mores.

I'm not a huge s'more geek.

I'm not.

Sorry.

Bunch of communists.

But anyway, these are basically they're like, you take a banana and you slice it, and you stuff it with stuff, you wrap it in tinfoil, and then you put it in the fire. It's a camp dessert.

Yeah.

And then you eat it with a spoon, and it's just a hot banana.

Wonderful. And what have you got inside the banana?

Okay, so banana A is like a s'mores banana, god damn it.

Thank you.

But it's deconstructed, so it's Nutella marshmallow and graham cracker crumble.

That sounds good.

And then banana B is salted caramel sauce, milk chocolate and vanilla wafers dibs, and then banana C is a. I don't know why I did. This is condensed milk, pineapple, mango jam, macadamia nut and coconut.

Reverse dibs.

You don't want that, No, okay.

And then there's the mystery banana. Wait, there's one in your pocket, or are you just happy to see us?

This is a mystery banana.

Oh, wow, okay.

So I'll just wrap them up and you guys-.

I'll take a mystery over that fucking number three, Yeah, I'll take, which sounds like a train wreck.

I'll take b.

Condensed milk. Sona, Do you want the S'mores one or do I have?

I have duplicates of the other ones, too, I'll do them all.

I'll try even the third one, no one wants. Yeah, yeah, have the third one with condensed milk.

It's like mango sticky rice. Oh yeah, condensed milk is good, but.-.

I don't know, I really don't know.

She just left.

I tore my own face apart.

You did.

I'm like a wild animal.

You ate your whole head.

Well, Sona, you've seen me around when I'm around carbs, it's not pretty.

When you're around pizza specifically, too, you turn into a different person.

I know I've been trying to be so good.

I blacked out during that segment, I don't know what happened, I don't know who's president right now, I don't know who the last two presidents have been. I completely blacked out and I inhaled my whole face made of pizza, and it was fantastic.

Did you like it more because it was your face? Yes.

I am what's called a narcissist, a food narcissist, no, just a narcissist across the board. So if someone made my face out of strychnine, I would eat it happily and then die. That's just me.

What's Strychnine?

Strychnine is a famous poison.

Oh, okay, it's real famous.

Yeah, it is actually quite famous. Hey, Strychnine can get into any club in America. you're like, Hey Strychnine, get on in here. They all lift the rope.

This is for you, bro.

How long do we cook this on over the open flame?

Is this me or you?

Yeah, that's you.

I don't know, just a couple minutes.

Okay, and this is unrelated to solo stove.

Thanks, Amanda.

Thank you, Amanda.

You're kind of nudging my banana here.

Who are you talking to?

Try this one, too. This is one no one wanted, but I'm so curious.

It's the mystery one.

Yeah, no, no, no.

That's the condensed milk one.

Okay, but do I need to bake it?

You could just like toss it in the stove and see what happens.

How do we get it out?

With tongs.

Well, we just saw how their relationship works. How do I get it out with tongs?

Can we get another set of tongs?

Don't worry about it.

Where's our? Do we have a tong boy?

How long, I don't know, so we've been cooking. I don't know who thinks of these things.

Amanda.

No, no, the bananas. At the end, that's Amanda.

Well, she has made these before, and I thought, Hey, let's get that going on.

Okay.

Oh, thank you. She has, like, Blacksmith tongs.

Those are fantastic.

Bye ba na na na.

Ba na na na.

That's your favorite joke, isn't it, Sona?

That's Beethoven's favorite fruit fuck.

Oh, so, you just leave it in there. Is that the idea? Okay? And then tomorrow morning someone cleans, someone puts a hose on that and cleans it out.

A raccoon or an opossum?

Now do we wait? Is some is like banana supposed to leak out of this thing?

How do we peel it? Do we need fire gloves?

No one responded.

She took off, she left, she left, and by left, it means she left me, she took the kids.

You know what? This is the lowest tier of show business right now. I have seen many of the great heights I have.

I'm so glad.

I have climbed the Alps and now here I am roasting a banana of that contains unknown ingredients. I'm so glad it's wrapped in foil.

I could be there at the end.

And we're not even here, we're here in an audio format. I've never been lower, I am the lowest I can be. Yeah, I'm just telling people that we're roasting bananas.

Don't call me, dude.

Beep boop, beep boop. uh-oh. Sona's out of it. she's doing her beep boop voice, she's doing her R2-D2 after a night at the pub.

Thank you.

Yours is smoking.

Yeah, I don't know if that's good or bad.

Thank you very much Amanda. Amanda, you're the only person here. I respect all right. so oh good, thank you so much.

Which one has the metamucil? Oh, this looks good. Oh, they're actually still in the peels.

That adds to the crispiness. What is in here? It's banana, obviously, and what else? I see other ingredients as well.

What do you have? You have the mystery one.

No, I don't have the mystery one, you do get the mystery one, this is the mystery. What's in mine?

What do you think's in it?

Well, I'm getting notes of LSD.

Mine is great.

Mine's really good.

Mine is delicious nutella and banana all day, I think there is some marshmallow in here.

It's fruit, so it's healthy.

And some chocolate, anybody? It's like an ice cream sundae. What is it, Marty? Anyone want to tell me what's in here?

I think it's peanut butter, nutella jam and nuts or something.

There's also a lottery card in here, it's a scratch off.

Oh, this is really good.

This is very good, I have to say I didn't. I never heard of this treat before, but it's very good.

We went camping and she made this.

What happened? Are you okay? Hey? So you're here to tell us about life after a stroke. How are you feeling?

I'm feeling a really active member of society.

Oh my God, this is, you know what? I mocked this dessert, some would say I even belittled it, and now it's delicious.

That was the best dessert I've ever had and I've had-.

Well, that's just stupid. No, it's not, that's not true.

It's really good.

It's really good, but don't say it when you say stuff like that. -.

Don't insult my wife, I'll slap you with a white glove.

I'm just saying.

Who me or him?

Both of you, I have two hands, you mordils.

MoRdilS Okay, I'm gonna put that down. Incredible. Well, these jeans need they served as napkins, that's fine.

I gave you a napkin.

Yeah, and I used it, and then the jeans took over.

Your alcohol glass is empty.

It is not, yeah, it is kind of empty. Oh, is that how you define empty?

It's like, mostly empty.

That's melted ice you got busted.

Yeah, oh, I really got busted. You are two great, sad broken Americans, sad broken. Pool-cleaning robots that can't function properly. What's that?

I gained a lot of weight.

I think the moment I stopped breastfeeding because you can just burn calories producing milk, and then when I stopped I just because I eat a lot of chocolate, I gained it all back. All of it.

I eat a lot of breast milk.

Also at night, I like, you know, sometimes I toke up a bit, sure, and then I get some munchies, real bad, and then I'm like, what do we have in the fridge?

This is the most disgusting folk song I've ever heard.

And then I go in my fridge and I look for a frozen pizza and I put her in. Where are you? Put her in the oven? first, I preheat, then I put her in, and I think, Hmm, this is gonna be good.

All right, you um.

I was on a run, I could have gone for a lot longer.

I know you could have gone a lot longer.

I also mentioned our sponsor.

You did, you did.

Getting the bills paid around here.

You worried about paying them bills?

Sometimes you worry about paying those bills.

All right, listen.

Okay.

I wanna thank you guys.

I know you don't.

When I say you guys, I mean the people that made this end. I wanna thank the Sun for continuing its orbit around the Earth. We don't deserve the sun. And bring this to a successful close now. That was a little trick.

Nice job, Galileo.

Well, that is my rap name, and I'll tell you this.

My guitar.

No, I know what is it.

It's a tailor.

No, it's a tailor. Those are very beautiful, those are very nice.

What key are you working in doctor?

Are we in tune?

I'm on the rock.

Pick here.

Have we hit a new low?

I would say new low, I would say that we were doing fine, we were flying high, but like Icarus, we flew too close to the sun. That's why I think it's good to call an end to things.

But come by.

But come on by.

I had a really good time. I don't think alcohol blends well with us sometimes. I think we are not responsible people.

Can you speak for yourself, Eduardo? How do you think I'm doing?

I think you've recovered nicely.

Recovered? I never had an issue.

Yeah, thank you. Yeah, he's right.

He's right, recovered over the What are you talking about?

Adarbo How you think I'm doing?

Yeah, oh my god.

I think Amanda should be starting the car, yeah.

Guys, seriously, let's wrap this up. Yeah, I guess, because I think we've done enough. I wanna thank everyone, I wanna thank the good people at Solo Stove making this possible.

Fuck.

No.

No, no.

Truly the end of a career. Good God, Gordly, you're weirdly talented at making horrible noises. I know it's awful. That sounds like you're doing an autopsy on a person who's still alive.

Stop that.

Anyway, thank you all and I wrap this up now. I wish all of you a wonderful summer and thank you for listening to us. Eduardo, I don't like this whole you recovered thing.

Oh, come on, you were drunk like the rest of us.

Have a great summer.

Who does that?

Episode one You were a little tipsy. What do you mean? Who does that?

Episode two You were a little tipsy. He's right.

No, that was not tipsy.

That was the result of countless blows to the head that I've encountered in my career as an athlete.

I said, you were drunk and you went, I'm not drunk. Who does that?

I was with you. You had multiple glasses of wine before we even sat down.

That's not true, and that's not even going into the episode. Oh, it is, that's irresponsible.

Charles is the one who's editing.

Ultimate Edit Power.

I'm a good guy.

You said, have a great summer.

I'm a good guy.

There's gonna be another new episode next week.

I know, but until then, I want everyone to enjoy the summer. That's a week of the summer. How many weeks are there in the summer? 11??

Did you just say da summer?

You go home and you go sleepy sleep, and Sona, I think you've already gone sleepy sleep. And I just want to say, thank you everybody for listening.

They're still listening.

I am here and filled with cheer.

Clearly.

And sober.

Love it. Let's say thank you to Sarah, DG, Chris, Amanda, and Eduardo, Adam, Aaron, Eduardo.

You did, Ed Eduardo, Eduardo.

Sam RuTHie Hi, Mikey, Mikey, Mikey.

That's my son.

Timothy, Bixby, Josh.

You're just saying words now.

Little guy.

Making sounds Glebus, Chavus, Hobadai. I want to thank Jabba Gabba, Doo, Lubida Habida, Mother Gaia, Okay.

Oh boy.

Good night everybody. And your job is to edit this together so that it's listenable.

This thing's gonna be five minutes long.

Yeah, I hope so.

It should be.

Yeah.

Fall is here, Hear the yell Back to school, Norman fell, brand new shoes, walking blues climb the fence. I'm Mike Pence.

No, I don't like that rewrite.

Walk with me Susie Lee by the guy who's named McGee Superman has lost his cape. It's around the part of his neck, called the nape. And I can tell that we are gonna be chums.

Your rewrites suck so bad.

I can tell that we are gonna be chums.

Oh.

Awful, terrible at the end, all right. Do we have it? No.

Summer S'Mores with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Obsessian and Matt Gorley produced by Me Matt Gorley executive produced by Adam Sachs. Nick Liao and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.