#2089 - Joey Diaz
2024-01-20 02:48:43
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
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I didn't bring no motherfuckin' glasses, though.
Oh, do you need some? Yeah. I have some.
Just in case, if you're gonna show me something interesting. Yeah. Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir.
So, I started doing this, uh, red light bed. I started doing two things to help my eyes. One, I started taking Pure Encapsulations. They have this, um, what's it called? Macro support?
What is it called?
Anyway, it's a bunch of supplements that they put together, um, to stop your eyesight from going bad. And it's legit. Macular support? Macular support, that's it. You like it?
Oh, legit. That's it. It stopped, whatever the deterioration that I was experiencing, where my eyesight was starting to go, it stopped. Just stopped it. And it made it a little bit better.
And then I started doing this red light bed. So I had this guy, Gary Brekker, on the podcast. He was explaining to me how red light, um, revitalizes your capillaries and helps your vision come back. And so I've been doing that now for about six weeks. And I've noticed an improvement.
Like, I don't need reading glasses as much. if I'm reading things on my phone. I can read some things that I just was not going to be able to read. And, more importantly, it's not getting worse. Because, like, it was, like kind of every six months, eight months or so, I'd notice, my God, my eyes are worse.
Like, this is terrible. Like, after, like 46, it seemed like. Somewhere around 46, it was like it dropped off a cliff.
And you did the right thing. Because you didn't submit to these. My mistake was to submit to these when I was like 43.. 44. By 44, I could see I was having problems already.
And I submitted to these. And this is worse for you. That's why I used to tell you.
Glasses.
Don't put the glasses on. Hold on. Yeah. To make your eyes muscle. That thing.
It's like when you wear fucking hearing aids. Mm-hmm. Like, your hearing gets lost.
Well, they say with vision, like, the problem is, we're looking at things that are real close up all the time. And your eyes are supposed to do a bunch of different things. They're supposed to look at stuff in the distance. They're supposed to look at things up close. And if you don't look at things in the distance all the time, you lose that ability.
Well, I'm going to be as honest as I can with you. I'm not trying to be cute here.
Okay.
I lost my eyesight when I stopped doing coke. Because when I was doing coke, my eyesight was on point, Jack. I could see a light from fucking two miles away. That light's green. We got to make it.
Once I stopped doing coke, my eyesight went right into the fucking shitter. So when I was snorting, I had 20-20 vision. I could see coke rocks and the carpet and shit. Now I can't see shit if there's a coke rock on the fucking floor.
So I guess it's blood flow. If you think about it, blood flow to the brain. I mean, doesn't coke give you, like, a crazy amount of blood flow to your brain? I mean, it must. I have no idea.
I have no idea where the blood goes.
Thank God I never got into that.
No.
Thank God I never got into that.
And especially now. Like, now, I see these people that are snorting anything. Yeah. To snort anything today, you got to be fucking crazy.
Yeah, you could die.
Heroin, these people who put the fucking test. Like, if you go to a bar in New York, they have tests.
Yeah.
Then you go in the bathroom. Are you fucking kidding me?
You have to. You don't want to die.
Once you test cocaine, it's time to do something different. If you're going to test your coke, it's time to do something different. You got to fucking.
You know what's going on here? Ketamine. Everybody's doing ketamine. They do nasal sprays. We had some lady going to a K-Hole in the middle of our comedy show.
She's fucking falling down like this. And they brought in the Narcan and shit. They were worried that she had overdosed. And her wife was like, no, no, no. She's just been doing ketamine.
She just did too much.
So I did a couple of lines of that one time at the podcast studio. Yeah. And it was okay. I did the podcast. But whoever gave me the ketamine left, like, a pile of it on the desk.
You know, after we did a couple of lines. So he left and me and Lee were talking. And I go, Lee, what are we going to do with this fucking thing? He goes, I don't know. Throw it away.
I go, fuck that. It was about 8, 30, 9 o'clock at night. I had done three lines, maybe. And I was buzzed. But it didn't take me over the top.
I did those. Now, I lived six minutes from the podcast studio in LA. When I got to the first light to make the left, I knew it was not going to be a good drive home. It was not going to be a good drive home. Okay.
I had done too much. And then I got home. And when I put my foot out of the car, that was it. It was lights out after that. And I'm like, I am fucked up.
What do you mean like lights out?
Like I was fucked up. I don't know what was going on.
It's a different kind of fucked up, right?
It's a different type of fucked up. And then I went in the house and God damn it, my wife is awake. Oh no. Now I got to talk to her.
So I ran in my office. I'm in there 15 minutes getting higher and higher. Oh no. And shit, my body's feeling weird. And I go, I better go out there before she comes in here.
Right.
And she was watching True.
True Crimes?
Detective, whatever that is on HBO.
Oh, okay.
And it was the dude from the Green Book and the other guy. The brother, the guy who won the, he was in the Green Book with the guy who drove him in the South. He played the piano player. Anyway, it doesn't matter. So, you never saw the Green Book?
I don't think I saw the Green Book.
That's a good fucking movie.
Oh, we were talking about him yesterday, Marshal Ali. Yeah, yeah. That guy's awesome, man. He's awesome. He was great in that Netflix documentary, or the Netflix show we were just talking about, about the end of the world with Julia Roberts and Ethan Hawke.
Oh, I didn't see that.
It was good. Fucking Giannis hated it, though, huh? Yeah. He was trying to get me to hate it. I kind of went with him, a little bit, right?
He influenced me. I was like, yeah, there were some parts I didn't like. Yeah, you didn't like the animals. The CG animals? Yeah, a bunch of CGI animals staring at people.
I'm like, come on. No. You don't need to do this to me.
No, but I looked at him, and while I was watching TV, his head kept getting bigger. Boo! And I'm like, I couldn't take it. I'm sitting there. I got no t-shirt on.
I'm sweating profusely.
She's kind of looking at me. I'm kind of looking at her.
Your wife is a fucking angel. And finally, I couldn't take it no more.
I couldn't take it. no more. I go, what the hell's going on here? And she's like, what? What?
I'll change it. She didn't know. I told her the next morning. I said, let me tell you something. When I came last night, I was not doing too good.
You know, people think that you fuck around. Like, when I was living in L.A., people think, like, you fuck around, and you don't have no. Everybody always thinks, like, I just got high and had no fucking consequences. I just never told you about what I dealt with. You know, one night, I ate mushrooms.
And I went home, and the fucking mushrooms hit. I didn't know. I ate, like, three little fucking things at the office. The mushrooms hit. And that's the day.
The Exorcist came on. And I had to watch it. And I'm like, what the? And I finally ran into the room and put the blankets over my head. It was too fucking real.
Like, I have horrible high stories. I just don't repeat them because, you know, people won't believe them.
I remember when we were on a plane once, and you were eating stars at death. And we were, like, almost at New York. And it was, like, an hour before the plane landed. Joe Rogan, I almost fucking lost it. I almost fucking lost it.
I was having a panic attack. It was getting bad. It was getting bad. And then you go, but I'm back. And then you pop two more.
How did you just fucking do that?
You just had a panic attack almost.
You know, for three years I cried about this anxiety, anxiety. I can't take it. Fucking, I don't do edibles now.
Is that what it is?
Monday nights.
So it was the edibles that was giving you the anxiety?
You said it yourself. You can't live on 2,000 milligrams a goddamn day. Something's got to fall apart eventually.
Yeah.
You know, that was kicking it up.
And then I would get, any time I would get above 200 milligrams, the whole world was just, like, very slippery. Very slippery. I was, like, this is, like, I could see how edibles can get someone to legitimately lose their mind. That's why, when I was talking to Alex Berenson, he wrote that book, Tell Your Children. It's all about schizophrenia and about how.
there are people that get introduced to high doses of marijuana and it induces schizophrenia. We know people. We both know a couple of people that have had that happen to. I'm, like, this is real. I think marijuana is very beneficial in low to moderate doses.
But you get above certain doses with certain psychologies, certain people, certain times of their life, you know, certain things they're going through.
You never know.
You could fucking crack.
You never know. You could. And I can tell you that. That's the truth. Yeah.
That's the truth. Because at times, you know.
Marijuana at the high doses is not what people think it is. It gets to that very psychedelic place where it's, like, this might as well be acid. Like, the real high doses. There was some time where Eddie Bravo had these THC pills. One of his students had made his own pills, had, like, turned Keef into pills.
I forget how many we took, but I was talking to this one dude, and I might as well have been in another dimension. Like, my relationship to reality was very slippery. I was like, if I was losing my mind right now, if I wasn't in a good place in my life, you know, life is falling apart, maybe you're, you know, getting fired, your house is repossessed, going through a divorce, maybe you have cancer. Who knows? Whatever it is.
And then you get that dose, it could send you over the top.
Bro, I had a guy come over from jiu-jitsu one day. We're just hanging out. He goes, I want to do a bongi with you. I gave him two bongi. It's what I smoke.
He puked in my yard. He was like, I don't know how you do this every day. Two fucking bongi. Let me get a light up.
Well, yeah. Well, it's also, like, when someone runs marathons, you try to run a marathon with them. I don't know how you run a marathon. Well, you fucking, you got to build up to it. You're building up to that, too.
It's all building up, you know?
This new weed that's coming out now, these people aren't ready for it.
It's too strong.
And more people are smoking pot now than ever before, whether it's vapor pens. Everybody's doing something.
Is that, like, because it's legal, right? I wonder what the numbers are. Because it's legal in, what is it now, Jamie? 19 states? I feel like we're close to 20, 20, 23.
maybe. It's decriminalized in the city of Austin. But it's legal in a lot of states like New Jersey, New York, California, recreational use, Nevada, Colorado, Oregon. There's, I would imagine there's more people smoking it now just because of that, because it's legal, right?
You got to come home from work. Instead of getting beer or whatever the fuck you get, you go in and you get one of these joints for 25 bucks. This will last the regular person the whole weekend.
And it doesn't kill your body.
It doesn't kill you.
It doesn't kill your body. That's the big one. For me, like, when I was doing jujitsu every day, if I was getting high and doing jujitsu, it actually made my jujitsu better. Like, I felt like my jujitsu was more smooth. I was more focused.
But I never felt wrecked the next day. But if I drank the night before and then tried to go into class the next day, I always felt, like, 30% less. I was like, this is terrible. I was like, I got to stop drinking. Because every time I would go out drinking and then I'd go into class, I'd just get manhandled.
I'd just get wrecked. Just couldn't keep up. And when you're hungover, it's the worst feeling. What have I done to myself for just a few hours of fun?
You know, it's really crazy that we don't really know what alcohol does to our bodies. But it's not good, you know?
But you know how you find out? Get one of those aura rings. Get an aura ring or a whoop strap, one of those whoop straps.
I got one.
Yeah, okay. Check your whoop strap. Have a couple of cocktails. Oh. And then check your whoop strap.
It's crazy. Like, I only had two drinks, two glasses of wine. Your recovery will be way down. The whoop strap is very beneficial for that. Because it tracks your heart rate variability.
And it gives you, like, a real accurate assessment of what happens when you fuck around with things. Because if you just do something different. Like, I just cut out sugar. Oh, whoa, look at how much better my recovery is. You know, oh, I stopped drinking alcohol.
Whoa, recovery's through the roof. I committed to drinking X amount of liters of water every day. Whoa, look at all this recovery. Look, my body's functioning better. You know, it's like it gives you real feedback.
I was telling your buddy that when I got the whoop, it was for recovery purposes. I don't like being that fucking sore. You know what I'm saying? So I want to know where I am throughout the day. Right.
I got the whoop, and I got to be honest with you. You know what improved the best? What? My sleep. Because when I got the whoop, we all think we sleep eight hours.
Right. Everybody thinks they sleep fucking eight hours. Get the fucking whoop and get back to me. Yeah. You'll see that you're sleeping 545, 610..
And you're like, this ain't working. So I started doing things to help my sleep. Joe, do you know? I sleep eight now? And at 4 o'clock, 5 o'clock, I got to go down for an hour.
Every day.
Take a nap.
You know when I took, I never took a fucking nap, since you know me.
Take a nap.
One hour. Get up. I feel tip-top magoo. And that's when I start smoking weed and having a good time.
Yeah, I can function on five. I do well on six. When I'm doing eight plus, I'm at my best. I know the difference. Like there's days that I come in here where maybe I had a late show, got out of the club late, and then maybe I had to take the kids to school in the morning, or maybe I had an appointment, or maybe I had something I had to do, so I had to get up early, so I only got like five or six.
I can function. But in my mind, I'm like, that's a check I have to pay. That's a bill I have to pay. So I have to make sure tonight I get like 10 or 11.. Tonight I really want to get some serious sleep.
No booze. Hit the sauna. Hit the cold. Get my body prepped. Sauna and a cold plunge before you go to bed?
Oh, my God, you sleep like a baby. You sleep like a baby. You sleep so good. Yeah.
I haven't worked myself up to a cold plunge yet, but I do the red light sauna twice a week.
You can do it right now. Fuck that. Red light sauna is great. I think any sauna is great. Even a hot bath is great.
The whole idea is just warming your body up, just getting your body so it's uncomfortable. But the real studies are on the regular sauna. We got a Soluce sauna. I have that for here and that for my house. They're the shit, man.
The one we have here is so nice. It's set up. It's all Bluetooth. You set it up off your phone. So you're on your way to the gym.
If you're on your way to the gym, set the sauna at 190.
. Get here.
Come on in. Yeah, it's right here. It takes a while.
It takes a while to cook. Then you're sitting in that thing, and if you do that on a regular basis, you get used to it. You get used to being uncomfortable, but God damn, you feel good. Your joints feel good. All the stiffness kind of feels like it goes away.
Your mood feels better. You sleep better. Sauna's the motherfucker. If I had to pick one over the two, I don't know which one I'd pick, but I love the fact that I could do both of them. I think sauna I would pick because there's more data.
There's a 20-year study out of Finland with sauna patients where they use the sauna four times a week for 20 years, and depending about how many times a week they used it, they saw more improvement. But the people that used it four times a week saw, I think it was a 40% decrease in all-cause mortality. It's a 40% decrease, stroke, heart attack, cancer, for the people that did that as opposed to the people that didn't do it.
Well, your girl told me that if you do.
Rhonda?
Yeah, I love her.
Oh, she's the best.
You know, I love her.
I love her, too. Shout out to Rhonda, Patrick.
I watch every video. I take what she tells me to heart, and I think she's so fucking sexy. She's so fucking smart. When she just goes on a tail, I'm like, she's so fucking sexy. But she was saying that 51, 61 minutes a week in the sauna cuts your cardiac arrest rate by like fucking 60% or some shit.
Well, I'll tell you what else it does, Joey. It makes your cardio better. Like your cardio for working out, just sitting there, your heart rate gets jacked, so it's like a static form of cardio.
Well, before I go to the Tuesday and Thursday jiu-jitsu, I go to the red lights sauna. That's my cheat, because that's a heavier class, and you gotta fucking be a little... So I always go in there in the morning, 34 minutes, come out, go right to jiu-jitsu from there.
It's a good way to warm up before working out, too. Get in there for 10 minutes. Just sort of like get in there and stretch a little bit for 10 minutes.
I do yoga now. That's great. I do a bunch of... whatever the fuck it's called.
Yeah, there's a company that makes a yoga room. Like they make a sauna that's just for working out in. It's a bigger sauna. I think it's... What is that company?
But they have like chin-up bars in there and shit and an exercise bike, and people work out while they're in the infrared.
I breathe for five, just work on my breathing. Just, you know, quick breathing in deep, and then I get up and I stretch a little bit, and then about the 10-minute mark is where I start doing chaturangas. Mm-hmm. And...
Which ones are chaturangas?
Chaturangas, when you go up, down, drop. You could drop into a fucking, oh, whatever, crooked dog, whatever the fuck it is. But it's not big enough for Uncle Joey, and I fucked my ankle up, so I wasn't doing those. But I'll do a bunch of warrior poses, warrior one, warrior two.
In the sauna, yeah. In the sauna.
Yeah. And then I wait till the halfway mark, I go out, I take 30 seconds, I drink a little liquid IV, and I shoot right back to fucking there, and I gotta tell you something else. Before I go in that sauna, I do it in the morning, I get as fucking jizzizzled as I can be.
Yeah?
I don't smoke. If I know I'm going to the sauna at 10, I won't do that. 8 o'clock bunk. This is...
In the morning.
I'll hold off on that motherfucker till 10, and then I'll do like 18 bunk hits. When I walk in there, they even know it. Whoa. They're the nicest people in the world. They just wave.
I go in the red light sauna. I am fucking stoned in there. When I walk out of there, I dry off, I put my socks on, I drink my water. After about seven minutes, I go back in smelling there. You could grow fucking weed in that, motherfucker.
The odors you smell in there, fucking fungi, toenail, sweat, fucking reefer sweat. It's amazing.
Is this a place at the gym you go to?
No, no. This is a place called Chill.
Oh, so it's a place that's set up just with saunas and cold plunges?
Red light sauna, no cold plunge, but they have the cryotherapy. You could go right from the sauna to the cryotherapy. They got so many things now. They got many beds that you sit in. It controls like whatever.
They have so many things. The place is clean. Six minutes from my house, I could just call them and go, I'm on my way. We don't have a bed. We have a bed.
It's tremendous. I love all that shit.
Yeah, I wonder what's better for you, cryo or the cold plunge? I think the cold plunge. I'll tell you what's harder to do. Cold plunge is harder to do.
Cold plunge is hard.
It's harder to do. And you feel different when you get out of there. You feel fucking chilled down to the bones. Whereas there's something about the cryo chamber. I think they're both super beneficial, though.
I don't know if there's been studies done on what's better for you, but I get the same feeling after both of them. I recover a lot quicker after the cryotherapy than I would. the cold plunge. The cold plunge, I'm cold for a long fucking time.
I only got one regret about cryotherapy, that I didn't discover that when I was doing drugs. Let me tell you something. When you go into the cryotherapy the first time, you do the three minutes. When you walk out of there, you either have an idea what this is for you. For me, when I walked out, I go, where was this motherfucker when I was drinking?
Because you could snort coke till 9 in the morning, go to that red light zone at quarter to 10, come out of that 10 and you're brand new. I've never done it, but I know from the feeling of walking out of there that you're brand new.
So you mean the cryotherapy or you mean the sauna?
The cryotherapy, I'm sorry. Japanese people invented cryotherapy.
They did?
Can we find out? Can the fact check me?
I think, I'd like to know. I mean, I think the Vikings did it.
It was a thing they did to just boost their manliness, just get in the fucking cold water. Technically, Joey's right. Oh, okay. Developed in the 1970s by a Japanese rheumatologist, Toshima Yamaguchi. But that would be like the actual cryotherapy that we did like in L.A.
Okay, like the liquid nitrogen? Liquid nitrogen, yeah. Okay. But the Vikings were doing cold therapy thousands of years ago. I don't think they had liquid nitrogen.
But the guy that invented this to people, it was Japanese people. And again, these motherfuckers like to party. So as soon as I walked out of there, that's what I said to myself. Absolutely, a Japanese guy invented this.
Look at this. It goes back to the ancient civilizations. Ancient Egyptians, Romans, and early Greeks were using cold temperature as a form of therapy as early as 2,500 B.C. Whoa. When I used to see Fedor do it, Fedor Emelianenko, one of the all-time greats, he used to do the banya.
So they would all get in a sauna together and they would like beat them with leaves. They would use leaves and beat them. And then they would jump in this frozen lake. And I'm like, these guys are just insane. There's no benefit.
I'm like, what's the benefit of that? I would think it was nonsense. But they knew. They knew, you know, this is the early 2000s. People weren't doing cold plunges in saunas.
If they were, it wasn't like openly discussed, like it is now, you know? Dan Gable found out about it. He was telling me on the podcast. He found out about it when he was wrestling the Russians and the Eastern Europeans. He's like, they all use sauna.
And he realized there's something to the actual, the benefits for your cardio, recovery, blood cells. He said it's almost like a mild version of EPO when you're in the sauna on a regular basis. It just really boosts up your endurance. Here's Fedor.
Damn, when he was young, he was the motherfucker, dude. And what a dad bod that guy had. There's not a single photo of him out there with a six pack. And he's widely regarded as the greatest heavyweight of all time. I mean, he might be the greatest martial artist of all time.
He's certainly in the argument. The arguments for the greatest martial arts of all time, if they're in their prime, I always say this guy because people leave him out of the conversation, you never should. BJ Penn. BJ Penn in his prime was one of the greatest I've ever seen. And then there's Anderson.
Anderson in his prime. I was just watching the Anderson documentary that the UFC just put together. Holy shit, man. You forget. You forget.
You forget those Rich Franklin fights.
I never forgot them.
You forget. But you forget the level of expertise and precision and just mastery he had when he was in his prime. I am telling you, I'm guilty. Even though I'm a giant Anderson fan, I had to see it again. I had to see it again.
And I'm like, oh, yeah, people forgot.
Well, we had a conversation after the Adesanya fight. You're, like, Adesanya's, the best. I go, remember. I said to you, bro.
Yeah. No, you're right.
It's Anderson. And I love the Rich Franklin fight. I mean, the first time I ever saw this motherfucker, I'm getting dressed. I'm getting dressed. Ready to go do comedy with you or anybody else.
And it was a UFC fight night with him against Chris Levin. I never saw this fucking guy. I heard you guys talking about him.
Yeah.
And when he came out, it was fucking mastery. I was, like, blown. Then he played the ukulele. I'll never forget that.
Well, I was a giant fan of Anderson's already, because I became a fan of Anderson's in Pride. And then Anderson went over to Cage Warriors. And when he went over to the – was it Cage Rage? What was the organization that he fought for, that Anderson fought for in England? But in England, he became Anderson Silva.
You know, there's, like, Charles Oliveira. Charles Oliveira was a really good fighter, and then his daughter was born, and then he became Charles Oliveira, the assassin that everybody knows. But he lost a bunch of times in the UFC. He would fall apart. Anderson, when he went to England.
There's something about leaving Japan and going to England, then he became Anderson. So what was the – Cage Rage, right. Cage Warriors is the – that's, like, the top organization that exists now in the U.K. So he fights Lee Murray in Cage Rage, and Lee Murray was a fucking killer. Lee Murray was the guy who was involved in the biggest armed robbery in the history of the U.K.
He's in jail now, like, forever. A real gangster. Crazy dude. So he fucks Lee Murray up in Cage Rage, and then he comes back and fucks Jorge Rivera up in Cage Rage. And when he fucked Jorge Rivera,
and letting Jorge punch him in the face. He was just letting him punch him in the face. Just like, bitch, you ain't got shit. And then beat his ass. Then he goes over and fights Tony Fricklin in Cage Rage, and hits him with that crazy upward elbow.
Did you ever see that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So he fucked Curtis Stout, fucked him up, fucked Tony Fricklin up, and then, by the time he was coming to the UFC, I was like, dude, get ready for this guy. And I was looking at the line, like, the betting line. The betting lines back then were stealing. Nobody knew nothing. Nobody knew nothing.
A guy would sneak over, a guy like Glover Teixeira, or someone would come over from Brazil, and you'd be like, you don't, no one even knows. yet. You don't even know how good this guy is. Again, the line would be in favor of the other guy, but like, oh my God, this is hilarious. I think Chris Lieben might have been a slight favorite over Anderson.
I don't even know what the betting line was. I don't think he was a favorite. I think Anderson was a favorite. But either way, I was like, dude, he's going to light him up like a Christmas tree. Because Chris Lieben was just such a murderous,
marauding, attacking style. That's perfect for Anderson, because Anderson's the technician. So he's just going to slide away, pop, pop, pop.
That's what he did. He basically just stepped away, punched.
It's a master class. Put that fight on. Put Anderson Silva versus Chris Lieben.
The fucking fight you took me to at Ridge Franklin in Columbus.
Oh, yeah.
When the Arnold thing was going on.
That last array, when he boom, boom. Then he hits him low with a leg kick, and then he punches him again. Another leg kick. It's fucking beautiful. I was like, what the fuck?
That's how you mix it the fuck up.
And he did it like he was just playing. He did it like he was hitting a heavy bag, just fucking around.
What about the man we picked to hit acid? And that's the night he decided to kick that dude in the face.
Yeah, this is the one. So this is Anderson's debut. And, by the way, Chris Lieben, one of the most murderous punchers. Knocked out Vanderlei Silva. Knocked out a shit ton of dudes.
When Chris Lieben would connect on guys, they would go night, night. And he fought like a fucking Wolverine, man. Chris Lieben would just charge at you. So that style, with that kind of confidence, is perfect. Look how Anderson's moving, baby.
Look at that. Look at that jab. Look at that jab. Shucks him off to the side. I mean, the footwork, bro.
Look how elegant. Just no wasted movement.
And Lieben just moving in for the kill. Bink. Uh-oh.
Give me that volume.
Oh,
there it is. It's already beginning. Bink, bink, bink. Yep. I mean, Lieben can't even land a shot on him.
And Lieben got back up.
Oh, Lieben's, so tough, dude. Tough as nails. And there's the knee. And that's a wrap, son.
Anderson Silva. That was the big debut. That was like 2004?.
Six. Six. Fucking, hypnotized by that. Hypnotized.
He was the man.
Hypnotized. I was like, what the fuck?
He was the man.
Listen, bro, I watched the UFC with you. There was a bunch of chubby guys that looked like me. I don't want no part of that stuff. You took me to Florida one time to see Miami, when there was like maybe 15 people in the audience. Shaq was there.
Do you remember that?
That was a long time ago, yeah. That was the early days.
That was 2004?
. That was 2004.. Because that was around the time of the Man Show. And it was Butterbean was one of the fighters on that card?
No, Butterbean never fought in the UFC.
Who was the chubby guy that fought on that card? There was somebody who was on that card. That was like.
Trey Talegman. No, Trey Talegman. No, Scott Feroza was really big. Trey Talegman was the guy I was missing. But Shaq was there.
It was the two guys that Vitor fought in his debut. But that was earlier than that. That was 97..
That was Shaq was there. He was already in Miami. And I was like, I'm like, man, I don't know about the UFC down here.
Yeah, Shaq trained martial arts a long time ago. He started training a long time ago.
Bro, I didn't know he was from Newark. And I didn't know all the good things he did from Newark. That's a bad motherfucker.
He's a good man.
I've gotten a whole new level of respect for what I heard he's done in Newark.
Oh, yeah?
One of my friends is a Newark cop, a couple of them. And they were telling me, bro, it never ends.
Oh, that's great.
Yeah, he gave a lot back to his fucking community.
He's very smart. I mean, he's got a shit ton of businesses. He owns a bunch of businesses. He's always got something going on, you know. He stays active, you know.
There's a bunch of guys that do a real good job of, like, using whatever fame they got from athletics and then, just, like, do everything. Shaq does everything. He's always doing commercials. He's always doing something, you know.
That's a big human being, dude. You put your hands, like, you shake his hands.
That's a big dude.
He's so big. His hands are like a fucking breakfast tray.
I never said nothing to him. I never spoke to him. I saw him at the store a couple nights. He would come to the store after the games for a Fat Tuesday.
Mm-hmm.
But I never really spoke to him or anything.
I did Fear Factor with him. Oh, that's right. Yeah, me and him, it was hilarious. It was like a 6-year-old and his dad. That was, like, me standing next to him.
He's so big. He's so gigantic.
So what else is happening, my brother?
Everything's good, man.
You know, they have those banyas by me, right?
Do they? The Russian ones? They have them.
They have a beautiful one in Freehold.
Yeah?
And the fucking place has a restaurant to die for. Really? Yeah. Russian? Yeah, you can stay there all fucking day.
A Russian restaurant?
I think it's everything. Oh, okay. It's everything. You get beat up with the Leafs, the steam, the fucking cold plunge. They got a pool.
They massage you. They have lunch. You can just go there and write. If you just want to write jokes, you can go up there and have a cafe in there. It's really fucking sharp.
That's smart.
I'm just not in the mood to get beat up with fucking Leafs at this point in my life. Yeah. When I used to go to the YMCA in Hollywood, the good one, there were Russians in there in the mornings with the hoods on. Uh-huh. They wear the hoods to keep the heat in, and they'd have the vodka there.
I did this because I was so heavy, I was embarrassed to go any other time of the day, so I would go at 445, and I would sit in the fucking banya with them, whatever, the steam bath, and then I would go on the other one, the sauna, the steam bath, and then I would swim, and I just swam more and more every day. This went on for about six months. One day, I get there about 5 a.m., I open up the fucking door, and there's a dude completely balls-ass naked, laying with a Russian. sit, okay? Balls-ass naked, just on a fucking towel, dick out, didn't give a Frenchman's fuck.
I sat there for about five minutes, and all I kept thinking was, these Russians ain't gonna like it when they come in here. Sure enough, the fucking three Russians came in. They asked the guy to move. The dude didn't fucking move, and it was not good after that. Right in the YMCA.
They beat his ass?
They fucking choked him and threw him out naked. They picked him up by his fucking neck right in front of me. I just kept walking. I don't want no part. Dog, I can't be around that shit.
I'll go to jail for 20 years. Joe, they grabbed him by the fucking throat. They asked him one time, can we sit here? Then he let him sit, but he wouldn't put a towel on. That's what it was.
Yeah. The guy had probably come from a fucking freaky spot and was trying to get his dicks up in there. And I walked out, and all I heard was a couple thumps, and then I saw this sauna door open, and a homie went flying out like one of those fucking crackheads.
Eddie Bravo and I used to work out at 24-Hour Fitness, and one of the managers, they just brought him over from the West Hollywood place, and he was giving me the war report from working in West Hollywood. He's like, it's basically a gay pickup spot. That's all it is.
The 24-Hour Fitness? Yeah. On Santa Monica, next to the...
I don't even know if it's there anymore.
Oh, that'll be there forever.
Is it there? Yeah. That'll be there forever. Back in the day when Eddie and I were working out together, this was like 2001,, 2002, this manager was like, dude, it's crazy. He goes, there's just jizz all over the sauna.
You go in the sauna, you've got to hose it down. There's just loads everywhere. These guys are just fucking each other everywhere. They find places to fuck, and they would go there to look for other buff guys to fuck. You imagine the problem with guys is there's no women.
There's no one to go, hey, this is ridiculous. I don't want to get pregnant. What have you been up to? Are we going to use protection? There's no voice of reason.
It's just two guys. You want to fuck? I want to fuck.
Let's fuck.
They're all jacked up. They're probably doing testosterone, or they're lifting a lot of weights, and they've got high testosterone. They're horny all the time. They're taking drugs, and they're just fucking each other at the gym. He said the gym was barely a gym.
He goes, it's so weird to come here, and it's a gym. He goes, that gym was just a front for a gay pickup spot. These guys were just, I'm sure they were working out too, but they were just banging. They were doing a lot of banging.
Listen, bro, when you go through Boys Town, I think you had a bit about it before we left LA. People have to understand that when you go through Boys Town, you have one at the end. By the time you hit Dan Tannis, and you're about to hit, you have two things on your mind. Either I love gay people, or I can't stand these motherfuckers.
They're out of control.
In my world, I love these motherfuckers. The best being, this just happened like six, seven years ago, six, five, before the pandemic. We're driving on Santa Monica. Me and my wife, we're going to eat at fucking Dan Tannis. We got an early reservation, right?
Fucking, we had a light. There's a bar on the right-hand side. UFC is on. Two guys are fighting. But meanwhile, there's 100 guys with leather dancing to the UFC.
Me and my wife just look at each other and go, God bless them. God bless. That's what it is about. Boys Town. They got the run of it.
Well, they also don't have to pretend. No. They don't have to pretend. they want something other than what they want. Whereas there's a lot of men that they feel like to pick up women in a bar, they have to pretend to be something different.
They have to act a little different. They have to play to what the lady likes. But these guys are just fucking.
They just fuck.
They just fuck.
Listen, Christy Miller. Remember Christy Miller from New York?
She's in New York now?
Yeah, she's been in New York. And before Christy Miller moved to New York, she was working at Gold's on Ivar, maybe down there. Oh, okay. You remember that? Yeah.
It's over there.
That's another gay spot.
Tremendous gay spot. So she bought. Here's the fucking deal. I was 426 pounds. Right.
And Christy, out of the love of her heart, goes, take this membership for free. Don't go at night.
Don't go at night. Like these werewolves. And they'll fucking take care of you in there. And I'm like, really? I tell you, I went in there maybe for three or four months before I signed up at the Y, because the Y told me you're too fat.
We can't have you.
Really?
The first time I went to the Y.
The Y told you you're too fat to work out?
Dog, when I went to the Y the first time, I signed up for a consultant thing, like somebody for free to help with you. I didn't want to come to you guys. I was too embarrassed. I thought I was going to die. I got on a fucking treadmill.
I didn't even make 30 seconds. on level two. He goes, listen, you got to go out and walk. He goes, come back here when you lose 50 pounds. He goes, right now you got to walk.
He goes, do you ever walk? And I was like, yeah, to the store, to the drug dealers, to the comedy store. Yeah, but no. And he goes, just walk. He goes, I want you to do what Dolce does, tap the mailboxes, go for a walk and tap two mailboxes one day and then three the next,
whatever, as far as you go.
So Christie gave me that thing, and I would go over there at night. I knew little things from lifting as a kid, but every time I was struggling over there, some fucking hot guy came over. And he would always go, excuse me, can I help you out? And he would talk to me. And, yeah, maybe they wanted to fuck me, but I doubt it.
I was 418 pounds. You had to fucking get a fucking crowbar to get to my asshole at that point. So, I mean, these guys were fucking dynamite, Joe. I would love to sit here and tell you that they hit on me not one time. In fact, they were very helpful.
When they hit on me, they would set me up. They're wolves.
Don't ever think. And that's what shocked us. My friend told me about that website. he used to go on, Boys Ahoy. That was just gay men, right?
Boys Ahoy. It's still around.
Boys Ahoy.
Boys Ahoy. What a great name for a website. Okay. Now, he had belonged to other ones, Grindr. He's a gay dude.
He'd tell me all this shit. He said when he signed up for Boys Ahoy, it was a complete different situation. They just want to fuck. Yeah. They just want to fuck.
There's no female equivalent.
No. There's no way. They met at the…. He would meet them at the hot dog place, up a block from the store. Mm-hmm.
The Carney's. The Pink's.
Oh, Carney's. Oh, Carney's.
And he would take them to the Standard, fuck them, and then he'd come to the Comedy Store at 9 o'clock. And they'd go their way and you'd go your way.
Boys Ahoy, Gay Chat and Friend. Apps on Google Play.
Good for them.
Yeah.
Good for them.
And you've got to fucking go, wow.
Bro, when those guys get old, it gets rough. It gets rough.
I don't know. Yeah.
A lot of them, guys, when they get old, it gets rough.
Dog, I just went to Jingle Bell to see my man, Jelly. Okay. Jingle Bells? What's that? Jingle Ball is a big thing.
they do there. Z100, they do a thing in New York at Madison Square Garden. I never went to it, but I got a daughter now. And you get talked into those stupid shit. Right.
And I don't want my kid going into the city by myself with my wife, okay? Right. She don't know the mechanisms of it. So I went with, like, you know, nine kids from the neighborhood. Jelly hooked us up.
Me, three moms, and, like, the rest, were just kids. Girls and one boy. And I took them to go see fucking Jelly, Olivia, Rodrigo. But Cher was there. Okay?
Cher was doing it with her parents. I get there. Everybody's cool. But there's two old school gay dudes. They're probably in their 60s.
And they're those old school New York geezers, gay guys. They were gay when it was tough to be gay. You know what I'm saying? Like, they've been in New York all their lives. They started at CBGB's or the meat market or whatever fucking gay haunt.
And now they're mature. They were married before the law. Dog, these motherfuckers were miserable. They just sat there, and every once in a while, they would look at each other, look at the kids, and go... The whole fucking night.
I'm like, why are these fucking guys here? Meanwhile, I got a girl and a little boy, a Jewish kid, jumping up and down, singing into the phone, the whole fucking thing. And I'm like, look at this fucking Jewish kid. His brother's fighting over there in Israel. He's over here watching this fucking thing, jumping up and down like a half a fucking fag.
Now, the two gay guys haven't said a word. They just keep looking around, hating. Hating everybody. Dog, when they said Cher coming out to the stage, these motherfuckers bucked it out of their capes, and they got up and they were dancing like the kids. You should have seen them.
They had to be in their 67, 68.
. They both had the hair. They were fucking dead. They were hugging each other. Take me home.
Whatever that song she fucking sings. When Cher walked out, these motherfuckers... You see like 10,000 people just left. Really? Because there was a lot of gay people hidden.
It's Christmas time. They want to be out.
Just to see Cher. Huh? Just to see Cher.
82 years old.
She's 82?
What is it?
Close enough.
77, 82?
Yeah, that's old. That's Biden's age.
How the fuck did Jimmy.
. How the fuck did our girl... How the fuck is Jimmy Page, 80 years old? That motherfucker turned 80.. She looks good.
She looks fucking dynamite. Look at her.
How's she sound?
It's hard to tell.
It's not recorded. Yeah. That's fine. Let me see. Let me see if it's recorded.
Here.
It's not recording. It's loaded and processing.
Yeah, that's the show I was at.
It might.
It might be recorded. It's hard to say. Often, too, they do... She might be singing live, but you're not... It's so buried in the mix that you're hearing, you would never really be able to tell.
And she looks like she was singing that. It looks like she's singing that.
Yeah, it's like she's singing.
That sounds pretty fucking good.
It could just be mixing. They might mix it. Good for her. Maybe she can hit some of the notes on all of them. Good for her.
Look, I saw him when I was a young man. I saw him when I was a fucking kid.
Yeah?
In Union City, walking into Pastoral Music with fucking the king, Greg Allman.
Wow.
That nasty motherfucker. Back in the day.
And I didn't know who he was. I love to tell you I knew Greg Allman. Greg Allman was an animal. I just knew something wasn't right, but I saw her and I was like, what the fuck is, Sonny? You know?
I was like a little.
. I grew up on that stupid fucking show.
You know what the song I love is? I'm No Angel.
Oh. Bro, he's got...
What a song. Give me that, Jamie.
That dude.
What? That dude lived. You hear his voice. like that, you only get... I'm a stranger to the street.
I've got my red car. So I won't crumble at your feet.
I don't play bad. So I've got scars upon my cheeks. I'm half crazy.
Come on, love me, baby.
So you find me hard to handle,
but I'm easier to hold.
Oh, you're like the first angel. I'll never leave you cold.
So I might steal you down the dive when you're bound to fall.
I'm no angel.
Yeah.
The thing about him is, the reason I called Jelly that day, about three years ago, after I heard that one song, I called him and I go, listen, bro, you're bringing back something that this country has not heard in 30 years. All these type of songs,
like these singers,
Greg Allman, a couple of them, even the dude from Leonard Skinner, the way they sang, it was deep. You felt their years.
You felt what they had gone through.
And I think that's what Jelly brought back to us.
Oh, yeah.
That's what he brought, that little piece, that's what he brought back, that type of, you know. I still listen to a lot of Eda Peach, Allman's, and I still listen to Live from the fucking Beacon, whatever the fuck they do all the time.
You know, we have that Green Room playlist, Midnight Rider's. the first song. That's fucking, yeah. That's the first song. Sometimes I switch it up, sometimes it's I'm Your Boogeyman.
That's another one. Depends on how we're feeling, Jelly. Depends on how we're feeling.
That's Casey, the Sunshine Band.
Yeah, come on, give me some. I'm Your Boogeyman.
Is he still touring?
Give me some volume, too. I don't know, man, but this is the song when we would walk into the arena. When we do arenas, when we walk into the arena. Like, as we're walking to the Green Room, I like to play. I'm Your Boogeyman.
Because that's one of those ones that just, listen to this. You're walking in, the joint gets fired up, the ice cubes go in the glass, the whiskey gets poured,
cheers.
Music goes up, everybody gets ready, show's about to start. I'm Your Boogeyman.
That's what I am.
I'm here to whatever I can.
Be it early morning, late afternoon, or at midnight, it's never too soon. I wanna feel you. That was back when you could use rainbows.
I wanna feel you.
You know who was here last night? Who? Motherfucker, nobody told me. Kool and the Gang was here last night.
No way.
At the Moody fuckin' Theater. No way. When I got to the hotel room, I looked at the menu and it said, yeah, uh, entertainment for the month. Fucking.
That was the thing that I didn't realize about moving here. I thought I was gonna miss out on, like, big artists, like, big acts.
But then when I got here,
I'm like, oh, they all come to town. They all come here.
This is, they all gotta stop. They all come here. Gotta say hello.
Cat Williams was just here.
Gotta say hello.
Mark Curry. Remember our guy, Mark Curry?
Fuck yeah.
Mark Curry's the man.
Mark Curry's, a sweetheart. I just bumped into him.
Do you have his number?
No.
I gotta get his number.
I got him into the ha-ha, and then he was working a little at the store before the pandemic hit.
My man, Willie D, reached out to me the other day, and he said that he saw him. He said Mark Curry was on fire. Mark Curry was open enough for Cat.
He said it was insane. It's 40 years of stand-up. What do you expect?
Oh, Mark was so underrated.
Mark was always a killer.
So underrated. So when we'd see him at the store, he was so polished. But you know what? He just made a ton of money off that show. I was like, eh, I'm good.
I'm gonna chill.
He's a great guy, too. Yeah.
The best. Nicest guy in the world.
Nicest guy in the world. Always great. The young comics. Yes. When I walk in the store, he's always very nice.
Great to everybody. You didn't have to earn, you know, a conversation with him. He'd talk to door people.
So Mark Curry is opening for Cat on the Road. Yeah.
Yeah. At least that show in Austin.
And did they do the moody?
I don't know what he did. Did a big place, though. Cat's killing it. It's like his ticket. sales went up like 800%.
H-E-B Center. Yeah, so they did the big place. That's that 15,000 seat place. Look at that. Come on, son.
Come on, son. Let's go.
I always loved Cat.
I love Cat.
So I don't know.
He did that interview. He said I wouldn't have him on. I'm like, what are you talking about?
I'll have you on.
Let's go.
Two times.
Anytime.
Whenever you want to come by,
call me. Call me. I'll fire this place up at 3 in the morning for you. I'll wake up. I always end up doing something.
I think we're going to get a studio downtown. I think I'm going to get a studio in one of them penthouses with a view, so I can do nighttime podcasts after the podcast or after the shows. Like, say, if we do a 7 o'clock show at the Mothership. Hey, let's go fuck around. Let's go do a podcast.
Like we did at the Ice House. Exactly. Those were great days.
Those were great days. When Red Band had that cool studio right there at the Ice House. And you go in and out. Mm-hmm. And we would go on the stage on Ice House Chronicles.
We had a good time.
I wonder what the Ice House looks like now.
It's supposed to be nice.
Really nice.
It's very cleaned up. A lot of guys don't like it because they miss the dirt. I get it. You miss, like. it was an old club.
It was the longest running club in the country. the Ice House was.
Yes. Ice House was the longest running stand-up comedy club in the country. It was older than the store. Ice House existed before the store. And it was.
it was originally an actual Ice House where people would go to get ice. And then it became like some sort of rock and roll club. And then it became a comedy club in the early 70s. Been a comedy club forever. The longest running comedy club, even before the store.
It really was a gem. Wow, it was amazing. That club was a gem. And I'll tell you why. Because it just took you out of that whole L.A.
shit for an hour. Exactly. It took you out of there.
But regular people.
Those people in the little, in that big room that would come on Friday and Saturday. I don't know why anybody didn't take their specials there. A lot of guys did. They just come to laugh there. They came prepared.
Good people. It was a good place to be. Good staff.
That's what I miss about L.
A. The Armenians.
Yeah.
They're up north. See, New Jersey's got a lot of Armenians, but up north. Yeah. So when I moved here the Armenian would call me all the time and say, you want to buy a gun? My friend, he'll see you.
But when I went to my hometown I had Armenians up there growing up. Not a lot of them like this one wrestler kid. But when I went up there about five years ago I noticed they have an Armenian church in North Bergen.
Oh yeah?
So I was like, yeah, they got them up here.
They're everywhere.
But I don't have them down by me.
Not like Glendale.
No, I miss him.
You were out next to him. Yeah.
No, no.
The last manly men. Yeah.
They're fucking out of their minds.
Unapologetically masculine men.
That was still, to the day, my best drug dealer. I miss him. We still talk once in a while. He's still fucking nuts.
He's still.
. I don't know how these guys could do it. I mean, I was there with him 20 years ago for him to... And he's still at that race. At that pace.
I'm sorry. He's not at the pace like, I go out. Friday and Saturday. No. No.
No.
You know, now he just goes to Vegas for the week. Oh boy. Now he just goes to Vegas. 100 Xanax. Couple ounces of blow.
Do you think you could ever do a residency somewhere? Like a Vegas type deal? Yeah. Where people would come to see you? Yeah.
The thing about living in Vegas, Joey, is one, it's great tax benefits, but two, you don't live in Vegas. No. You live in like Henderson.
Yeah.
Or somewhere nice.
People like it.
Henderson's nice. People like it. What's that other place? There's another area of Vegas that's real nice. that's out further away than a lot of people live in.
Where Red Rocks is? Where's Red Rocks? I was going to say that, but that's not what it's called.
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