#2103 - Sam Morril

Joe Rogan podcast, check it out! The Joe Rogan Experience. Stream by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day!

Do you smoke weed, Sam?

I don't really like weed.

Do you like cigars?

I like alcohol and I like coffee. Huh. I'm not a big cigar guy.

Do you want alcohol?

I'll have it maybe in like second half of the show.

Second half of the show.

I like to feel the caffeine.

Let's prepare glasses with ice for the second half of the show. Let's things start getting a little sideways.

Yeah.

So what's happening, brother? How are you doing?

Great. Great. I've been on the road, just going pretty hard with this hour, and I love it. I still romanticize the road. I still love it.

Yeah. Clubs are the best. It's the best experience. The arenas are pretty nice. They're fun.

They look fun.

Theaters are fun, but it's slightly removed from a club. A club is better than a theater.

Yeah, it's pretty cool. I mean, theaters, I forgot how intimate clubs were just doing theaters last year and being like, oh, shit, I can see when a dude's frowning. You know, I can see one person having a bad time now. So I forgot about that. But there was a guy in Dallas over the weekend who just kept doing this to me.

That's a Jimmy Buffett drunk.

It's just not. You don't see a lot of white dudes with goatees who are rum drunk. So I was like, oh, all right. He's eccentric. Yeah, he was a bad drunk.

Well, sometimes guys have a real hard time with their girlfriend being a fan of a guy.

I feel like most of the people that, like me, are dudes. Yeah, me too. But when I see women out there, I'm like, great.

Yeah.

I see a table top of four. I'm like, fuck, yes.

Yeah. Whenever a lady asks me, are you Joe Rogan? I'm like, yeah. They're like, I'm a fan of your podcast. I'm always like, that's crazy.

Thank you. I mean, I'm sure you have a lot of female fans. It's a big pod.

It's the number two female podcast.

What's number one?

True Crime.

That makes sense.

Like one of them, true crime shows.

Women love True Crime.

Yeah. So women, do listen to it.

Yeah.

But it's not, you know, I'm a guy and I'm probably annoying. I get it.

I don't think you're annoying.

I get it. Like if you're a woman and you don't, I mean, this is a bro heavy show. You know, like when we do protect our parks or when we do a fight companion or.

The fights are definitely brought for bros.

Yeah. And then when I have fighters on, unless it's female fighters, I've had a bunch of female fighters on too. You know, female fighters are probably my best example that I point to. when people think that something horrible about fighting, that it's like brutality and it's wrong and it's barbaric. And I'll point them to some female fighters.

It is pretty cool to be almost like Buddhist and a fighter.

She's an amazing, amazing human, very unusual human being, you know, elite, world-class fighter, world champion multiple times. And, like one of the sweetest, nicest people alive. She's so nice to her opponents after fights.

That's, I don't know a lot about fighting. A lot of it I've learned from hearing you talk and stuff, but I, and you know, I remember watching a fight with like Louis Gomez and Dave Smith once, and they knew so much about it that that's how you get me into it. Like backstory and stuff. Like, I'm an insane NBA fan. I love sports, but yeah.

Yeah. Well, I guess it's probably the best players can figure out how to always play as a team while playing their best.

You know, if your ego allows you to. Yeah. That's the thing about stubborn.

Like I'm, I'm definitely no basketball expert, but I, when I watch, like high performing athletics, it's in a team sports environment, it's always this dance between what is the best thing to do to score versus what do I want to do? What do I want to do since I have the ball? What do I want to try to show off? Do I want to try to pull off something wild or do I pass? You know, like what do I do?

Yeah. If you, if you slow down, like, I mean, think about it. If you want to simplify it, to like kids playing in the park, if you're playing your ass off on D and you have one dude, just like ISO, dribbling the whole time on offense, you're like, you're, you're wasting our energy. You're being a dick. I don't like that.

So yeah, I think it's always going to be guys like that that just want the ball, but you.

have to know who you are. I mean, it's like anything else. Like if you know, what's funny about you, you'll be a better comic, right? If you know what, what your purpose is as a basketball player, I'm a defender. I'm a three point specialist.

of all time is a guy who talks shit while playing basketball and then gets his ass kicked.

Yeah. But it's so satisfying. It's the worst thing ever. When I see people shit talking like Steph Curry, I'm like, you know how this ends. It's like shit talking, Jack Reacher.

So ridiculous.

Yeah.

Why are you doing that? People are so delusional. Like the difference between a world-class athlete and the average person is such a gap. But then again, there's some people out there that just genetic freaks and, you know, they, they probably, you know, are young and it's super cocky and they might be elite someday and they think they are right now.

Right.

You know, it's just like, that's just a part of, like being a male, you know, involved in competitive sports. They're all just going after each other, whether it's with basketball or football, or especially with fighting.

On the professional level, it can be cool. But when you play with your friends in the park and you have that one guy with anger problems and you're like, I had a friend who used to yell at people. I'm like, dude, that guy's homeless. You got to stop yelling at a homeless guy.

I had a friend who used to do that at the comedian softball game. He would, him and this other dude, who's also my friend, they would scream in each other's faces, screaming like two gorillas, just screaming in each other's faces.

Some people need that to get them amped up. Like Michael Jordan would create shit. He would create reasons to be mad. There's this famous story about MJ where he, like a guy, was like, he had a career night against Michael Jordan, a career night, 39 points or something. MJ had an off night.

Right, he probably put it in his head that the guy did say that.

Totally.

Yeah.

But that's like psychotic.

But that's how you get to be Michael Jordan. When you're the elite of the elite, that's just such a special mindset. To be able to be that good at anything, whether it's Tiger Woods at golf, or Michael Jordan at basketball, or Mike Tyson at fighting, to get that good at anything, man, that is so rare. It requires so much insane focus on one goal. And you're competing with, what, thousands and thousands of other elite athletes that also have their eye on this one goal?

Well, Tiger Woods is a great example. It's almost like you're a kid and you learn a language at like two years old. And you're like, well, that kid speaks Spanish now. It was easy for him. That's what Tiger's dad did to him with golf.

You have to. Especially if you look like Tiger Woods. Exactly.

And, I mean, Jesus Christ. Let him have it.

Yeah. The whole thing is ridiculous. But also it's like you see in that guy the difference between what elite athleticism applied to golf. He got banged up.

Yeah.

Well, you don't hear about that. many golfers that go through as many surgeries. I know he did one surgery for his leg, but a bunch of it's back stuff, right? Yeah. And you've got to think that fucking torque that guy puts in that club.

And he's one of those dudes where you're like, growing up, I'd be like, oh, you'd be a fat golfer. And then you see, no, your body will probably break down. Tiger's fucking ripped.

Yeah, he's jacked. Show me a video of him hitting like a long drive. Oh, I was going to show you this, which is kind of, it's almost more impressive. His ability to stop mid-swing.

Is this rear window? Who's shooting this right here?

Well, this is like on-field stuff. Oh, jeez. But it's really, it's, I mean. Why did he stop mid-swing? Because either someone made a noise or something just distracted him.

But it is kind of funny, the abuse other athletes take compared to golfers.

Like this was probably.

Like if you're playing football.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, verbal, from an audience. Like. Oh, right. I mean, if you're playing, I used to do a podcast with Julian Edelman, who's a Super Bowl champ with the Patriots three times. Great guy.

Yeah, there's no noise.

It's a different focus.

But there is that one tournament that they do where it's a giant crowd. Have you seen that one? They just had that problem with that this weekend. They did it this week? They had a problem?

Also, to see that emotion. Damn.

And the years of practice. Like, how many times has he swung a club?

I should say I know nothing about golf, but he's a dude, if he's playing, you're like, yeah, it's fucking cool to watch Tiger Woods.

Yeah, it's cool to watch. How does he play, Jamie, since he broke his leg? He has played okay. Like, he can't. Well, since he broke his leg.

Yeah.

That's scary.

Is his son going to be good?

His son is good.

Yeah? Yeah.

His son's out driving him now, which I don't know what that means, really. But like, that's really good.

That's power at a young age.

That's insane. This is that crazy hole, the 16th at the Waste Management. So look at this. Phoenix Open. Look at the crowd.

This is pretty cool.

I mean, listen to that cheer for golf. Some of the players, like, encourage it on this hole, you know? Oh, my God. They're so loud.

Holy shit.

Oh, shit. See, that is so much more impressive to do that in front of a crowd.

Yeah.

You know? I mean, there's something kind of fucking cool about that.

You have to shut out the world. I mean, that's a talent, too.

For sure. For sure. Especially in something that's so touch-oriented. Like, you know, you're concentrating on how many revolutions you're going to put on a ball on grass.

Yeah.

You know? It's like there's so much touch to it that any little, ah, you're fucked.

Yeah. Golf and tennis. I've never been to either. And tennis, when it's on TV, it's one of those where I'm, like, man, the shape you've got to be in.

This was the last time he won a big event. This is so insane. Look at this crowd. Yeah, this is stressful. Look how many people that is.

What do you think of his dad? I mean, this is a weird way to raise a child.

I'm not really familiar with exactly what happened.

Well, his dad just turned him into Tiger Woods. I mean, it's almost like a superhero origin story. I mean, if you become this, you don't have a good childhood.

Yeah, and you probably also didn't have a choice.

No way.

Yeah, but that's the question.

Is it different than being a stage, mom?

It's a good question. It's a good question. Like, how much is too much, right?

I mean, look at this. This is kind of dark.

I'm at two years old. He's two. He has a golf club, and he's two.

The doc is incredible. That's insane. It's on HBO, I think. It's incredible.

His form is immaculate at two.

But that's a lot of hours. Like, Daddy, please let me watch cartoons. And he's like, fuck you. You're going to work on your swing. I mean, that's kind of sad.

There's a little bit of that for sure. Yeah, you would like someone to just gravitate towards something. Yeah. And then you encourage them as far as they want to go with it.

I think about it in sports a lot, too, where a guy like LeBron, who came from absolutely nothing and became LeBron, he's got a son now who, first of all, being LeBron's son, can't be easy, right? It's got to be hard. A lot of pressure. A lot of pressure. And he's a good player.

The hungry guy.

I agree.

Hungry guy with good genetics wins every time.

Yeah. Because he needs it.

Yeah. It's a different mindset. So, it's got to be very difficult to engage in something like combat sports or pro football. I'm not saying it's not possible, but it's got to be very difficult to do that if you come from a really comfortable environment.

Yeah.

You know, because you're just not going to have that certain level of anger necessary to get the job done.

And then, in a combat sport, as you said, you need to shut that anger off at some point. And that's got to. Same with football. That's a violent game, man. Watching the Super Bowl, how many people on the 49ers, I was like, this is like fucking war.

Yeah.

It was rough.

You don't see a lot of rich people's sons going into that line of work.

Well, Bill Lambeer on the Bad Boy Pistons came from privilege, but then Isaiah Thomas, he's their general, and he came from the worst fucking part of Chicago. Yeah. But that's kind of an interesting blend, you know?

Yeah, it kind of is. I mean, I could see how they could compete in some sports, but in combat sports, like, the people that come from nothing, have like an extra gear. They just have an extra gear.

What about a guy like Kimbo Slice, though, who's like really from nothing?

Well, also just talented boxer. Kimbo Slice was a very, he had very good hands. Yeah. Like, if you watch those videos of him out in the back parking areas where they would fight on, like parking lots and backyards and like dodging satellite dishes and shit. You ever see those videos?

I've seen some of his stuff. He's terrifying.

He's a good boxer, and he was boxing people that were not good boxers. Right. They just did not know how, you know, they were tough guys, but they weren't at his level. And he would just have these bare knuckle backyard fights.

Yeah.

And the nicest fucking guy, too. Yeah. That's the thing about Kimbo. Rest in peace. He was the nicest guy.

And now you kind of need that, right?

You had to, yeah. He got beat up by big country, Roy Nelson. Just took him down and got on top of him. Just kept punching him in the head and he couldn't do anything about it. He put him in a crucifix and just didn't know how to grapple.

I mean, it's really like just being around at the right time. If you're just a boxer versus now, it's like being a silent film star, and then now they're talking. Right. Now they're kicking. Now they're grappling.

Now they're doing everything. But those fights that he was having weren't, like, they were just backyard fights. They weren't organized in a sense of there was no, like, you know, athletic commission involved or anything like that. So once he started fighting, like, he wanted to fight in, like, the UFC. He fought for a while in Elite XC and he fought some good fighters over there and then came over to the UFC and did the Ultimate Fighter.

Yeah.

You know, to try to learn grappling, and, you know, and fight in front of the world.

Yeah.

Because really he did not have that much grappling. And that's such a giant disadvantage amongst, like, those giant dudes in his division. Those guys are so big. These guys are just taking each other down and beating the shit out of you.

Well, it's like that guy who boxed against Jake Paul, one of the first guys. He was a wrestler. The guy was a really good wrestler.

Ben Askren? Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, it's just a different thing.

Well, yeah. Ben, I think Ben just took a payday. Yeah. I think he just gave it a go for the money. Yeah.

That must be so fucking annoying to be amazing at one thing and then you have to do another thing that you suck at.

Well, some guys pick it up really quick. There's some athletes, for whatever reason, they're just really good at learning new skills. Like, really good at learning how to kick, really good at learning how to punch. Some wrestlers, like Bo Nickel, picked it up really quick. Like, in a couple of years, he looked really good on his feet.

You have to retrain your body. Yeah, it's so weird. When I see a guy lunging, I'm like, oh. It's like when you see a baseball player, like, reaching, and you're like, that's not how you- Not that I know how to fucking throw a punch, but, you know.

It's a dangerous game to not be good at. It's the most dangerous game to not be good at. Yeah. If you want to learn how to do it, you gotta really- before you start competing, you better really know how to do everything. At this stage of the game, there's just too many people that can shut down one aspect of your game.

Yeah.

You gotta be like Mighty Mouse.

Yeah, you can't be one-dimensional. Yeah.

You gotta be able to do everything.

It's like comedy now. You gotta do everything.

Yeah.

You can't just do stand-up. You can't just podcast. You can't, you know, just try to do movies. You really have to do other shit.

You probably should, just so you don't want to be confined to one thing that you do. if you have options. Yeah. It's just more fun to do different stuff. It's more fun to do extra stuff.

It's good to challenge yourself, too.

Yeah. It's just fun. It just makes it more interesting to do different things.

I mean, it's like walking a different route home every day. Mm-hmm. Okay, I've walked this way home. Let's see what this route does for me. You know, it's just better for your brain, I think.

It's definitely better for your brain. I think it's just, as a comic, like, you could just get too locked into just doing stand-up all the time. Yeah. That could kind of fuck your head off.

I'm realizing I do it too much, and I'm like, in terms of the road, and it burns you out. You run out of shit to talk about. Yeah. Because it's been, you know, you work so hard to get to a place where you're always working, and then you get there, and you're like, oh, I've got to live a life. Yeah.

Otherwise, you start faking it.

Yeah.

You start faking what you're interested in. You start pretending. You start talking about, like, things you think they'll be interested in. Yeah. Because you don't know what the fuck is going on in the world anymore.

Yeah.

Kind of losing your mind.

I ran into Chris Rock on the street once, and I told him, I was like, I finally took, like, my first vacation ever. And he goes, oh, man, good for you. He's like, got to take a vacation. Even LeBron has an off season.

Very wise words.

I mean.

It's smart.

You burn yourself out. Anyone at, when you reach that level of a guy like Chris Rock, they just know what it takes. You know? It's like, yeah, you don't burn yourself out. I mean, he's got different, he's got a different, he's like, I'll do a movie in this time to not burn out.

Yeah. And that's also another very cool thing that you could still do something creatively. that's different than that. You can direct something if you wanted to.

I want to do other stuff. Stand-up's always number one. And I think, thank God for stand-up. Because sometimes I try to make, I'm trying to make a show now. And the amount of fucking emails back and forth, the amount of, like, meetings, this, that.

That's hilarious.

So, you know, thank God for stand-up. It's like, it's always there.

Yeah.

Just in the culture right now?

Yeah. It's just such a, it's just such a strange fucking time. You know? It's a, it's a strange time to be doing stand-up.

It's always a strange time to be. I mean, I think during the Crusades, it was weird to be funny. I think it's always a weird time. It was probably so dangerous. I think it's always a bad time to be.

There's a lot of great clubs in this country.

So many great clubs. And the repetition is necessary. That's the fucking beauty of this. still is, like, I think I've cracked a story. And then I'm like, oh, that wasn't the ending.

And you tighten things up. sometimes. You just, like, take a chunk out. And they're like, oh, this is way better this way.

Yeah, sometimes your ego keeps a chunk in. And you're like, this is for me. And you realize, like, that's also, we're the only type of entertainment where, like, the crowd, is really part of the editing process. Scorsese's not, you know, workshopping his shit in Omaha. You know, like, we're taking our shit all over the country to make sure this works.

Yeah, exactly. It's really interesting that way. Like, music is not made that way.

No.

It's really the only art form that's made that way. And, you know, it's really interesting that so many people love it. But there's no real formal study of it by anybody that knows how to do it.

But it's getting there.

Kind of.

All the studies are so boring. If you read, like, Simon Critchley, I think it's on humor. You're like, I'm so bored. You hear Freud talk about humor. You're like, yeah, dude, it's about tension release.

It's not just about tension release, though.

Oh, it's so much more.

There's a thing going on when someone's killing. And I liken it to a mass hypnosis. Yeah. You know, like, if someone, like, if Joey Diaz is on stage and he's crushing, like, you're under a spell. Right.

A rhythm, too. It's like you're lulled. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's the cool thing about comics.

It's kind of like a hypnosis. It really is. Yeah. You know? And then we're just trying to piece it together in the most, like, digestible way possible.

Yeah. It's great, man. It's a great time. And the road is people really fucking, like, we are in a boom. I mean, you started this.

When I started stand-up? No. No, nothing like this. No. No, this is the craziest comedy boom ever.

Damn. At his prime. He was a funny dude.

Oh, my God. He was amazing, dude. He was amazing.

Underappreciated.

Super underappreciated. I sing his praises all the time. I was coming home once from the Irvine Improv, and my Bluetooth just randomly went to a Richard Jenny bit. Just, you know, like, randomly. Sometimes it'll go to a song.

It's so cool. I love it. By the way, I love when it's on shuffle and you hear, like, it goes from, like, a Tom Waits song to, like, Nick DiPaolo, and you're like, that was fucking, that was a big right turn right there. Holy shit.

I think it's a steaming pile of me. I think that's the one that I downloaded. Fuck, and he was good, man.

He was excellent, and I think it's important to make fun of both sides.

Yeah, if you're going to have Jon Stewart back on The Daily Show and Biden is making up words, he's going to bring it up. He's not going to just only fucking simp for the Democrats. He's going to say some funny shit about anything that happens to Democrats, too. It's funny. It's part of what the show used to be.

It's weird that there's, like, a social responsibility people attribute to comedians, when it's like, most of us got good at this by cursing at strangers in a bar.

Yeah. I mean, we all have our political opinions, which is fine, but it's like, what Jon's capable of is delivering the news in a very funny way. He's the best at it. He's the best at that role of being, like, the guy that's doing the satire of the news, you know, just breaking down everything that's wrong and fucking stupid in the world.

He is the peak, and it's interesting, because he is like the Animal House. He's like National Lampoon's Animal House of... He's like the bar, and then everyone tries to copy Animal House, right? Right. And you end up with a lot of, like...

Yeah, he's a very funny guy.

He has jokes I remember, like... He's a very smart guy. I remember he had a joke back in the day, it was about, like, how Jews and black people are similar, because, you know, Jews... You know, black people, we have the blues, and Jews, we just complain all the time. We just never thought to put it to music.

That's a very funny bit, too.

Yeah, he had a great special in the 90s called Unleavened. I remember it. It was on Comedy Central all the time.

Yeah, so he's back, like, on The Daily Show sometimes. Is that what it is?

Mondays.

Mondays.

He's like, I'll give you one day.

That's a good move for him. Yeah, why do it? I guess that he had a deal with Apple, and I don't know if they're saying the specifics of why they canceled the show, but it was something akin to they didn't want him to say anything that would get them in trouble. Something along those lines. I forget what his quote was.

Maybe about China, and they're like, hey, we make a lot of shit over there.

Here it is. Yeah. Here it is.

Okay.

Boy, kids, what kind of a world are we talking?

And, by the way, that's like what comics, that's what gets us excited, the idea that this could get me in trouble. That's everything.

Also, Apple, by the way, you distribute all the apps that do all the trouble.

And you take a percentage, too.

That's getting everybody in trouble.

You take a percentage of their profits.

All over the place. You don't want John Stewart to say something that might get him in trouble. Why don't you let him decide for himself?

What's great about John Stewart, too, is there's so many comics who are like, and I have no issue with this, but speak like recklessly. And John is so careful with his words and so skilled at it.

Yeah. I wanted a place to unload thoughts as we get into this election season, Stewart said. I thought I was going to do it over at, they call Apple TV Plus. It's a television enclave, very small. It's like living in Malibu.

Very coded. I think it's talking about, you know, China, maybe.

Yeah, I think there was a China.

Stuff like that.

Something about that. Apple obviously works with China. What was the subject? It says China?

AI and China.

Okay, Times reported that the duo had disagreements over topics that were to be covered in the third season, including AI and China. Wow, they had a disagreement about AI and China. These people, what are they doing? Members of the US House of Representatives later questions Apple CEO Tim Cook about whether the tech giant's decision to cancel Stewart's show is because the host may have been planning an upcoming episode about China. He says, while companies have the right to determine what content is appropriate for their streaming service, the coercive tactics of a foreign power should not be directly or indirectly influencing those determinations.

Hmm.

So far. That sounds like China said don't fucking put that shit on. That's what I got out of that. What did you get out of that?

Yeah, exactly. I mean, it's like that Seth Rogen movie. Yeah. About the North Korea, yeah.

Is that one still available? Can you get that?

I think so. Remember when there was like tension? and they're like, are we going to get nuked over a Seth Rogen movie?

I remember watching that, going like, do you know how dangerous those people are? Do you know you want North Koreans mad at you for he-he's and ha-ha's? Yeah.

Really? Yeah.

Oof. And then they hacked the servers, right? Isn't that how that happened? Is that what happened?

They hacked the servers? With that Sony, right?

Yeah. And then a bunch of shit got found out. Yeah. And emails.

Was that definitely them?

I was trying to remember. I thought so, but maybe it could have been. That could just be cyber criminals.

I think it was, yeah. It could have been a coincidence. It might have been a coincidence.

It could be cyber criminals that decided to attack based on that. Oh, no. Oh, no. No? According to the wiki, it says, uh.

That year. Can a boy dream?

It was them? Guardians of the Peace. A cyber crime group allegedly connected to the North Korean government. Okay, it is connected, huh? Yeah.

It is.

Guardians of Peace sounds like a new bill they would push in front of the house.

Man, some of the Senate, remember when the Senate did, they did a hearing on, it was like, during Katrina, I think they did like one day on Katrina and nine days on steroids and baseball. They just wanted, it was like, because you just want to meet Raphael Palmeiro, remember? They're like, oh, we're big fans.

Oh my God, that's hilarious.

I mean, the shit that they get concerned with is so crazy.

Yeah, but you don't want to go full communist. You don't want to say like, the news shouldn't be able to make money. You know, they should be able to make money.

They should be able to make money, but the second you combine news and entertainment, it's a dangerous, mucky area.

It gets real squirrely.

Because entertainment is, is not news. It's not news at all. The news is supposed to be boring.

Boring as shit.

You're supposed to be like, why am I watching, and now we have it in a way where, like, you, watch 12 straight out of the news, that's a fucking problem.

Well, what's my favorite is the in-between story banter. That is the most uncomfortable, hurried, kind of weird, fake talk that exists in all of television. It doesn't exist anywhere else on Earth right now in mainstream entertainment. And the, the banter between the anchor and, like, the weather lady, as they're throwing back and forth to each other, then this guy. Oh, dude.

I don't know what to say about that. I still do morning news just to ruin the segment. That's the only reason I go on. I do it all the time.

You did a good one in Columbus.

Did you see that one?

Yeah. That was,

that was, I can send it to you. It's pretty funny. I, yeah, it's, I think I have it here. It's, it's, uh, it's probably in my Instagram or something. It's, uh, I just kept making up that they had a human trafficking problem in Columbus and the guy lost it on me.

But do you ever go on one and the people are cool and you don't ruin the segment?

Yeah, totally. But they usually end up, sometimes they think it's funny, but other times, yeah, I did one, we were on a tour bus last year and I pretended my opener, Gary Veeder, overdosed on cocaine on the bus and they were so mad at me. And, and she called me like, you're banned from good morning, Durham. And I was like, I'll live. but, but, uh, we've done a lot where I, just, I, I poke and I see what I can get away with.

How many people are watching those shows?

Not a lot. But when I share them, they do pretty well because they're, they're weird to watch me do something bad.

Yeah.

I can text it to you. I think I have it on my phone somewhere. I'm trying to find it. Oh yeah.

Like, no people under 60 are watching. that, right? Am I correct?

Probably not. I mean, sometimes when I'm in a hotel, I have it on the background just for like background noise when I'm bored on the road. Right. But like, yeah, I don't, it's something, the new, it's, it's almost like I want to watch the news, but I don't want to think, which is, you know, I'm not, I'm not going to watch like BBC. I'm going to watch Pittsburgh today.

Live local men eaten by alligator.

That was the first one. Pittsburgh. Actually. I, I pretended I was molested on air. And, uh, cause she just kept asking the dumbest questions.

this Friday,

October 27th. Tell us what we will keep. We can expect with that. I'm going to talk like that epidemic in Columbus, Ohio. What is going on with the human?

talking about? Uh,

are you a big sports fan? What's going on with that? I'll tell you what I'm not a fan of is human trap.

I was just trying to

explain the audience just saw the same thing.

too. Okay, we'll go to break. Good morning. He really lost it. That's the only way they're worth doing.

It makes you think like even just the, the way you do. one of those shows, like those people aren't real friends, you know, like you're trying to.

make. some of them are good.

Some of them are good together.

Good morning, America. Those two that were fucking, they were real friends and they were great at their job.

That's why they.

shouldn't have been fired.

Why were they fired?

for fucking that? Well, here's what happened. She just fucked him. He was fucking everybody there. So I think they were like, well, if we fire him, I mean, yeah, we got it.

they should do a podcast together.

I think they are.

There you go.

Yeah.

Yeah. You don't want a boss, especially in those kind of environments. It's just too restrictive. And it makes me think, if you like, look at that guy, no offense to that guy that you were just talking to, but I couldn't imagine some sort of an audition process that yielded such results.

Yeah.

Like, this is the best you guys have.

It's a big city, Columbus.

Tell the news.

Big city with a lot of human trafficking.

It's, yeah. She almost backed you up on that.

She did. She's like, there's a lot of

reports.

I don't think it's a funny rumor to make up to be like, you have a human trafficking problem. And I had no research to back that up, but it's, it clearly, if you're a, you have Columbus pride, it bothers you. There are stories. There are stories. There's also,

you're doing it on Zoom, which is extra frustrating because, like, you're not even in the room, so they can't even go, what the fuck are you doing? Like, you know, you're so disconnected. They have to be very obvious when they're talking to you.

But I've done it where I was bad and it wasn't live and they just edited it out. I'm like, God damn it. You know, gotta get the live ones, but it's hard to ask for live or say, no, you're going to do something. So you see my predicament. I'm like, I want live.

Well, I think the gig is up.

We'll see. I got, I got one in, I got one coming up. We'll see if they unbook me.

Maybe they'll be prepared and they just let you fuck with them.

They have done that before. And they were, you know, I did one pre-recorded from New York one. Uh, when I was promoting MSG theater, I did that one and they, uh, they were mad. I didn't do it, but it was like, it was pre-recorded and they were like, yeah, he, just, they told my friend, they were like, yeah, he just behaved. It was really a bummer.

was pre-recorded. Yeah.

Yeah. What's the point? I was just kind of out of energy. I was like, oh, what's the point?

Deflated. Yeah. They're playing dirty. Pre-recorded with you is playing dirty.

It is. I'm playing dirty too, though,

but. You are, but that's the game we play. That's the game we play. It's just fun. morning show.

TJ Miller was another one who would do crazy shit on there, and I was like, I love that.

Seguro was the king of it. Yeah. He came out as non-binary on a morning show.

His energy's perfect for that too. He's got that calming energy too.

And just the name, DJ Dad Mouth. Like, what the fuck?

Oh, my God.

That's so funny. That's so fucking stupid.

Yeah. It's fun. But you're right. You kind of killed a lot of those types of shows with your show because it's like, would you rather see them on, you know, good morning, whatever, for four minutes, or on your show for three hours? They'd rather see this.

Yeah, but it's also, it's just those, that format sucks.

It's a bad format. I do, I still like the idea of a live interview. I still think that's really fun.

Live interviews are fun.

You know, but, yeah, I mean, this, you doing three hours is like, you know, it would change that, I think.

I was just lazy. I didn't want to edit anything.

Ari,

Ari used to tell me, he goes, you gotta edit your show. That was his number one complaint. Telling you, listen to me, you gotta edit your show. And I was like, why? Like, no one's gonna listen to all that.

Well, you went against. what a lot of people say is about the entertainment world, like, keep them wanting more. You're just like, nope, this is the show.

It's also this idea that everybody has a short attention span. That's just not true. That's horseshit. Yeah. People, even people with short attention spans, get into things.

you would never do that,

right, in a normal world. But, you could get locked into some, a conversation, and if it's a three hour conversation, like, you, come out of that much more energized with whatever that subject is.

It's, not only is that true, but also, I think, the fact that people can listen to stuff while they're like cleaning the house and stuff. A hundred percent, yeah. I mean, you can't do that with a movie, right?

The thing is that the number one attractor is always going to be like the TikTok and the Instagram reels. Those are the ones that Suck you in. They suck you in. They work with the human mind.

It drives me crazy. Do you get addicted to it?

They're so effective.

I mean,

Instagram reels are so effective.

The food ones for me fucking ruin my day. Oh, those are good. It's just some fucking asshole in his car eating like a sandwich. I'm just watching a dude eat a sandwich. Yeah.

That's fine. Yeah. It's fine. I mean, people will find their way.

They find their way. Yeah.

But it's just a addictive nature.

I'm more mad at myself, honestly. I'm more mad that that's my, my, my full year page. Yeah. It's, it's mostly food.

Well, I don't have to worry.

Someone slicing a tomahawk steak, someone eating a sandwich. Those are good things. I love them.

Yeah, those are good.

I find a lot, Gary Veeder tours with me and he just sends me food. Whenever we're on the road, he's like, we're eating here. I'm like, what? He's more high maintenance than any woman I've ever dated. He's like, you're taking me here.

That's hilarious. That is a nice thing. If you go to good cities, right? You can always get nice restaurants.

Every city's got a nice restaurant. Sure. I mean,

people don't fuck around in the Netherlands, in between realms. If you don't go, you know, too far.

It's weird, though. What, what cities now, like? every city, has this crazy food culture now. Yup. No matter where you are.

I think the internet is partly to blame for that. I think there's so many YouTube sort of like mini documentaries on chefs and mini documentaries on restaurants that they're opening.

There's 9,000 episodes of Chopped. Think about how many chefs there are. That's a lot of chefs. That's what, four episodes, four chefs per episode?

You gotta give credit to TV, right? Like the travel channel and stuff like that, because those are the first people that like put cooking out there like an art form. Like with Bourdain's show, that was the first time I ever considered cooking. I was like, oh, it's an art form. You just eat it.

And I related to it as a comic, just a guy like wandering and being like, oh, let me make the most of Kalamazoo, Michigan. Yeah. Instead of eating this vending machine, let me try to find a cool diner or something.

Right, right, right. So those are some of the most satisfying places. You find like a cool old place that's been around forever. You get like steak and eggs there.

Nothing gets my dick hard like a boxcar diner, dude. I get so excited. We went, found one in Buffalo and we ate there. If we find a good spot, we eat there. three days in a row.

Yeah. There was a place called the Star Diner that I used to eat in. I think it was in Mount Vernon, New York. It was so sketchy, this neighborhood. It was so sketchy, but they had cheeseburger deluxes and the cheeseburger deluxe had like coleslaw on it.

Ooh.

Yeah, it was ridiculous.

Coleslaw is underrated on a sandwich. A Reuben is an underrated sandwich.

It's 2.30 in the morning and you're hanging out with men who've just failed miserably and everyone's eating these disgusting cheeseburgers at 2 o'clock in the morning.

There's something so- It's such a vibe. That's like a late night Waffle House any time. Ugh. That's a New York.

vibe too, like with those kind of diners.

There's something so, there's something about like when you're on the road and you're in a sad place, it's like weirdly romantic to me too. Like, Gary and I stayed at a residence inn in Omaha and it was just U-Haul truck after U-Haul truck of just shit in the parking lot. I'm like, it's us and 40 divorced men here. There's something so sad about this.

Yep.

But-.

Get out.

Yeah, I love a late night diner. What's your diner order when you go?

Well, it depends on if I'm drunk. If I'm drunk, I might go off the rails.

Yeah.

You know, most of the time.

Eggs is, I mean, the obvious move, but like a tuna melt at a diner, can be so clutch.

Oh, those are so nice. They're so good. Such a nice invention. How about a tuna patty melt?

Yeah. Or like a souvlaki. Oh, souvlaki. Love a souvlaki. Yeah.

Fuck. A gyro, dude. A late night gyro.

Look at you pronouncing it correctly.

Yeah. I know a lot of Greek people.

I don't pronounce it correctly. I know how to pronounce it, but I just forget.

If it's done the right way with the best bread. I love it.

Yeah. Like toasted pita.

Yeah, bro. Come on with it. If I had to choose, though, like one option for late night, if something's open, that's legit, it would be between Mexican and Italian.

Yeah.

Yeah. You know, if someone tells you like there's a place that serves insane lasagna at two in the morning, I'm like,

oh.

Like we have to go.

For me, it's pizza all day. It's like late night. pizza is just so, it's so, I mean.

Especially good pizza. Yeah. Real good New York pizza. You get a good slice, just a regular cheese and tomato sauce slice. When it's just perfectly seasoned and it's melting in your mouth, the cheese, you're like, oh my God, this is so good.

I watch so much of that guy just randomly, Portnoy on Barstool doing those reviews. Oh, he's the best. I just like, I say how much I hate watching these food things, but I fucking can't, I just like the, I like how he likes all the same types. I like, like that flop, the New Haven pizza is my favorite pizza.

It's the best pizza in the world, apparently.

Yeah.

According to Portnoy, he knows more than, I told him, I said, you should get 10% of all the profits for pizza. I bet if you had like a pizza chart between when Portnoy started doing those reviews to how many people are going and buying pizza now, I bet it's not a small number. I bet he's impacted the pizza world significantly. I'm not bullshitting. He makes me want to buy pizza.

Yeah, you watch it and you,

he bites the crust too.

Yeah.

I was like, I'm like, oh, it looks like he's having a good time.

We did a, when I was in Chicago with Mateo Lane, he, he's a Chicago theater one night to the next night. So I just got an early, we hung out, we made pizza, Lou Malnati's deep dish in the, they let us in there to just make pizza. And then I was like, all right, now I don't like Chicago pizza that much. It's like, it's, it tastes good. It's just not my style pizza.