Amy Poehler Returns

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dan Shepard, and I'm joined by Mrs. Padman. Hi.

What a fuckin' treat.

What a major, major treat. Babers is here, Amy Poehler, our North Star, both of our favorite comedians.

I know.

A god walking among us.

I can't believe she's sat in this very seat.

And I gotta-.

I hope she farted.

Well, I doubt she did. She's very classy, in addition to being so talented. But I'm just outrageously grateful about the conversation. we had. Me too.

I feel honored.

Yeah, big time. Poehler is, of course, an actor, a comedian, a writer, a producer, a director, a creator of a comedy empire, UCB, done every single thing someone could do. Parks and Recreation, SNL, Inside Out, Mean Girls, Baby Mama.

Ding, ding, ding.

Carl Loomis. She has a new movie out in theaters this Friday, Inside Out 2..

I can't wait.

Yes. Inside Out, the first one was so perfect. It was one of the first gifts she gave to the kids. Do you remember that? No, I don't.

Aw.

Well, Inside Out 2's got a bunch of new characters, which is appropriate because our lead character's going through puberty, so anxiety shows up.

Embarrassment. Embarrassment.

In addition to Inside Out 2, you should check out a new podcast she's producing with two of her best friends, called Women Talkin' Bout Murder.

Instagram for the fact check. We're gonna play some clips.

Yes. Please enjoy our friend, our sweetest babers, Amy Poehler.

He's an armchair expert.

He's an armchair expert.

He's an armchair expert. Gonna get a tea, because I'm a tea...

You're a tea gal?

A tea boy?

I'm a tea boy. I'm a grade A tea boy.

Rob, that wasn't helpful. You're supposed to take the tea packet. No, I'm gonna put it in the package. Oh, wow. Oh, the character?

Good job, Rob. I would boil it, baby. 212, because I like to drink it like the Brits. So you gotta do high boil, and then a little milk.

So you can get it to 214.

and Monica, I've never met you in person. I hate that, but I'm so thrilled. It's really, really nice to see you.

Can we take a second to recognize how insanely cute Wobby Wob is? Were you expecting him to be that cute?

Well, I've seen pictures of Wobby Wob online.

Sure.

Because I've seen him in some of the-.

Promotional materials?

And I'm curious, do you sit back there?

Do you sit back there?

He's running the board.

Can I tell you one funny story? Yeah. So we had Wiz Khalifa. From researching him, I knew there's no way this dude can get through two hours without smoking weed. So I said, please feel free to smoke weed.

I've never seen this in my life. I look over and Rob's like this. He sits like this. Oh, no. But Rob is like...

He got closer. That was like a fork or all.

Geez.

Rachel Grash has a really funny story about being at an SNL after party, and someone gave her black crow's weed. Okay. Oh, that's legit. PC weed, and she couldn't get out of her... Because she's not a weed smoker.

We're so happy to have you.

I feel like I know everything in this room, because I am the ultimate arm cherry.

That is.

The ultimate.

I think my favorite feather in the cap is the fact that when you text me to say you like an episode, I really, each time, I think, she's just being really nice.

I stopped a little bit because I was like, it's too much.

It will never be too much. Okay, good. A few more.

I mean, I don't even know where to begin with how much I like it.

Even if you have rolling thoughts, like in the morning, you're like, hey, love the Maya episode.

Just a little bit of feedback.

Later, you're like, yeah, this one part. I could do an all day stream of your reaction.

Oh, my God, I love it so much. And I was seeing a DAX that I was listening to when I was on before, which kind of is in that wasteland of 2021. And watching us on Zoom and just feeling like, whoa, that was a hundred years ago. It felt so far away. But you guys had already been doing it for two years, probably at that point.

2018.

I think when DAX first told me-.

Thank you so much, Rob.

Good job, Rob. He heated it to the right temp.

He's handing me a tea. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much, Rob.

Is it hot as 80s?

It is. It's the correct British way.

Do you need milk with it? That's the really correct British way.

I feel like Rob has sat down now and I don't want to ask him to get back up.

I'm happy to go get you some milk.

Please, and thank you. I'd love some milk and some sugar.

Some regular milk? That's how I do it.

Yes, that's the British way. English breakfast tea. It's the British way.

Sorry, Rob. It's the only way. It is.

It is the only way.

But when DAX told me that you listened, or I think he sent me, he probably betrayed your trust and sent me a screen grab of the text.

You'd be fine with that. Of course. For the compliment?

Everything I text, I try to assume someday could be published. Truly.

It's the best moment that's happened in six and a half years, for sure. Including Matt Damon. Whoa. That was the highlight. I could not believe that you were listening.

Well, of course I would listen to Babers.

But hold on, though. I could make an argument in many ways you wouldn't. Really? Yes, because I think, if I've ever met anyone very similar, you and I are mini hotheads, justice warriors, chip on our shoulder, analyzing everyone's intentions and motives. So, in some weird way, I can imagine you going like, ugh.

Well, I love podcasts. That's my thing. I love listening to them. It's kind of replaced a lot of things for me. Living in LA, driving, listening.

Yeah, and you don't have to worry about your face betraying you. You can almost react in a way, because certainly there's moments in here where I want to go, like, you know, give a whoa. Yeah. But I'm not free to do that. I know.

I love what you guys do, because I feel like I'm in the deep end with most of my conversations. now. I just want to kind of get into the deep end.

Yes, impatient to get there.

But it's hard when you're doing work or you don't want to do deep end conversations with people that you don't know or you can't, I don't know. So.

You don't know their comfort level.

The small talk is hard.

We got to get right there.

I actually feel more comfortable there, because I think, maybe like you, I am working on it, but I'm pretty hypervigilant. So I want to know who I'm dealing with.

I know, so, Babers, it is a curiosity of mine, because on the surface, mom and dad are married. Yeah. And Bill's a lovely guy.

Yeah, I don't have a very high ACE score.

Okay, great. So this is one of my questions.

I've taken the test.

You have? Did you take it a few times to see if you could get your number up a little bit? Yeah, I did that.

Playing it fast and loose with food scarcity. Like we didn't have Kraft brand macaroni and cheese. That counts. Yeah.

Thank you, Rob. I'm sorry to make you leave the attic.

I'm loving watching this.

I really appreciate you doing that. Thank you. And I'm sorry you had to leave. Sorry, okay. Okay, ACE score, hypervigilance.

Oh, right, right, right. The responsible one.

Yeah, my parents were really young, loving parents, but young. We kind of grew up together. So I think I felt from an early age, I have to pay attention here. It's my job to.

I might be asked to take the wheel at any moment.

Yeah, I felt that from a very early age, like eight or nine, I remember. Maybe it's just ego or I don't know what it is. I'm working on it. But I definitely felt like. I think I'm in charge here.

Yeah.

And you talk a little bit about it too, but I just felt out of my body a little bit and aware of surroundings early. And then I got rewarded for it.

Positive feedback loop. Well, this was gonna be one of my questions, and much later, but I feel like every time I do bump into you, you and I are on a similar self-exploration path. Or maybe you'll bring up something and you've been mulling around and I'll think, oh yeah, that's really fun to think about. I'm gonna try that. I was wondering, we have our story, and our story explains why we are the way we are.

I can see you rolling around in it,

frolicking in the story. And then this kind of disruptive thing happens where you have children. And one of my two children's, Lincoln, she has all the shit I have without any of the reasons I gave myself for being this way. And I'm more and more having to maybe consider like, oh no man, it was all genetics. The story is just something you've put on top of it.

Big time. Some of it is watching codependency, what it looks like for them, and realizing, right, I did that, I still do that. Seeing that and then having a kid that is really different than you. That's also a big one. Like if they're an island, you're a wave kind of thing.

And an embarrassment, right?

It's so embarrassing. Like all these, I always, I never, I'm this kind of person. Ugh, that's so gross, because it's not really true, or even really true anymore.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Maybe it's just an old story. And then you gotta start practicing your backhand, basically. What is your backhand? And the thing that you can do, you just don't do it as much or as often. Do you wanna practice that in act three?

Oh, that's fun.

I want it to be the authentic version, but I was nervous because I could bring a different version if I wanted to.

Well, you have one that produces great results. This was another one of my highlighted words. I just wanted to talk about was performative.

Yes, dude.

As a concept. Let me back up. You're in therapy, I imagine?

Yes, I'm in group therapy and individual.

Oh, my goodness.

And guess what's coming back? Couples therapy.

Guess what, motherfucker?

What?

I know. She was sitting right where you're sitting five days ago.

So, you know, I'm so obsessed with couples therapy that I do a fake podcast where I play a couples therapist named Dr. Sheila. Question mark. The question mark, thank you, Dex, due to legal reasons.

And I'm obsessed.

And you are too. Why do you think we are?

Why are we obsessed with couples therapy?

Well, I'm obsessed with all of it. I love Orin. I love anyone that does a good job at anything. So she's good.

Oh yeah, I really love her. Her hair.

Her hair and her ability to just look and not talk.

is exactly crazy.

And it just pulls out the thing in the other person that they don't even know. It's so under the surface. And all of a sudden this, like recluse, is crying and opening. It's unbelievable.

And then also I'm obsessed with why is she doing it?

Oh, we get into that one better.

Okay, can't wait to hear. Then the couples, I'm like, thank you for your service. Truly. And not in a million years, babers.

For me, no way.

That's too much.

Yes, and you and I, this is where we diverge a little bit. We do have different comfort levels with that aspect. And I guess probably my explanation, my story is AA for 20 years. I think I'm so used to. fucking strangers are there and I'm talking about shitting the bed in an orgy, and we move on and I live.

I'm working on, this is gonna sound so cheesy, this connection, but this is why I'm like, I'm gonna do TikTok this year, because I know this is cheesy.

I know you referenced TikTok in an interview.

I love TikTok. But the connection really, it's bigger than that, which is how do you allow yourself to be seen? You have to allow yourself to be seen or known. Sometimes, as I get older, I realize, am I truly known? Gets like a deep ache.

Yeah.

Babers, you're emotional about being known.

I can relate.

Is part of it to be known, but also to know yourself? Or do you feel like you 100% know yourself?

It's more that I feel sad for the parts of me that didn't allow myself to be out there and be known, which is why couples therapy is so fascinating to me. It's like this combination of, and therapy in general, being tender and being known, and then also setting good boundaries and taking care of yourself. It's deep stuff. I just love it. Does that make sense?

It does. My kind of recent breakthrough with this attempt at therapy, my most recent attempt, which is going on for two and a half years.

And that's your first time you've ever done therapy?

Yeah, I did couples therapy. I saw one person for a minute, maybe two different people. The real thing that happened in this one, that's magic, I assessed this guy immediately as someone that could care less if he got my approval. That's an important aspect for me in the equation. Do you sense that?

Yes. Honestly, my job in therapy is to just straight up, therapy 101, feel my feelings. Barf.

No, thank you.

Fucking barf. It always comes back to the pause of. just, could you sit in that feeling? It's so annoying. I want to get into the action.

Solution base.

Yes, I want to think about status and power. I want to talk about all this stuff.

I want to be victorious over it.

And I just want to get in on my head, but it's just feel your feelings. What are you feeling? Does it make you sad? And it's like, yes, makes me sad. Does it make you angry?

Yeah.

Is yours a man or a woman?

I have a woman.

And was that intentional?

I have had both. I've had a few therapists and I've had mostly women. And I've had a man, and that was interesting too. I have to say, with the male therapist, I felt a little more performative.

And do you have any bias? Like, is there one gender that's harder to trust than the other for you?

Well, what I respond to, I feel like, again, a story that I take care of myself and a lot of people, like that. I'm a big caretaker. I get a lot of pride from it. I think you do too.

Yeah, esteem.

You've created an actual cult and a family here, and there's a mommy and a daddy and a baby.

and everyone's married.

So I wanna be the cult leader. Like, I don't wanna be in the cult, but I think sometimes I wanna be very little to someone's big. I love being little.

Getting taken care of. Yes.

You wanna feel tiny. Yes. This is why you and I have a good rhythm.

That's why I love your giantness.

And I wanna protect you.

I know. And so I like therapists that are a little bossy and big. So I guess it's kind of what you're saying. I can't bowl them over or win them over or impress them or trick them. I like kind of being motherly.

It's like the high-powered CEO being the sub.

I'm obsessed with sub and dom in general. I'm so dom in a lot of my life. I don't always wanna be that way.

Yes.

Especially in intimate relationships. Yeah.

Is it a rejection thing? Is it you're protecting yourself so much because you're worried about rejection or fear of rejection?

I don't know if it's as much that as it is just the relief of being not in control. Cause I love control. It's why COVID sent me over the edge and I'm always realizing I'm not in control. That's a thing I have to keep remembering.

This is very timely. So the one that's like me or that I am like her and she's her own person. The police might not be open to the fact she's her own person.

And then it'll change too. That's weird.

She has a really hard time going to sleep, as I have always had. And I'm watching her just battle it. I always describe it like getting into bed. to me is like getting in the cage with a tiger.

It's so funny you say that. I used to fight bedtime as a kid all the time too. It felt like a challenge.

Do you know why? It's hard to control when you are unconscious.

Now I love bedtime. I think about bedtime. All day.

I dream about bedtime.

I feel like I can't wait for bedtime.

You're a bedtime boy.

I'm such a.

Rob, don't you use that picture of me. I've seen the pictures that you use.

Rob loves to use open mouth pictures.

But you're a bedtime boy now.

Okay, so she has a problem with bedtime.

Yeah, and again, she also hates instruction, just like I do, right? She doesn't want to learn from anybody but herself. And so last night was particularly gruesome. And I said to her, all I'm asking for tonight is just start imagining what surrender looks like. For me, surrender is the hardest thing in the world.

Yeah.

When you try to go to sleep, it can't happen. You just have to surrender and try to read a book and try to listen to an audio book. Forget about sleeping. Consider the idea of surrendering, and that can be a victory.

Can I ask you something about that? Because do you feel, when you share your stories with your kids, because what's coming up for me, what's coming up for me? Doctor, thank you. Is that sometimes I see them disconnect when I'm talking. I mean, it happens with us already in life when just anyone that's older than us and we're like, well, you know, when I got my first job and you're just like, it's not like that anymore.

It's gotta be really, really specific and thoughtful. And if it's about like, oh, when I was a kid, I didn't have a swimming pool. If I'm comparing two things that are different.

Yeah, it's about the feeling.

Yes, a great example is. she's in the backseat and she was just at friend's house who are Christian. They prayed at the dinner table and she felt really weird and that maybe they wouldn't like her, because she didn't believe that. And I didn't cut to how to deal with it. I just went like, oh my God, I remember that so well.

So why do you have to do the second part, which is giving her the tip of how to go to sleep? Because I'm here as a challenger. Yes. The idea of surrender, I'm asking for myself too.

No, no, really challenge.

Why can't we stop at the empathy part and not have to give the fix part?

Well, because she is 11 and she is dealing with insomnia. And I've been dealing with it for as long as I can remember, and I have acquired some tools. I didn't figure out until eight years ago that a book on tape is the perfect level of distraction, so I can't focus on the going to sleep. It seemed crazy not to offer that to her, or if she ends up being an addict and I know about AA and I don't say it to her. But I think what's key, or at least how I receive stuff, is like, I'm not telling her what to do.

So I've got teens now and I am learning, though, the way to keep them talking is to not do. the second part. Is to do the part of, that happened to me too, it is hard to go to sleep, period, the end. As well intentioned and as sensitive and thought out and connected as the second part is, I think it gets kids feeling like expectation, they wanna do it for you.

I see exactly what you're saying. I agree with you. And I think it's aspirational.

Because the challenger part in me, even the most soft version of that in my head, I'd be like, well, I've tried that. I'm doing that. I know that.

And exacerbates maybe the frustration she's already feeling. Like it almost presents the fact that there is a solution. She's just not using it. You're right. Ideally, I would never do it unless they directly asked me for advice.

Because it seems like you're having a hard time with her insomnia. You've said a couple times that it reminds you of your insomnia. So I'm just saying, you know, like I know people do this, but she's gonna go to sleep. It's gonna work itself out. She's not going to die of sleep deprivation.

Well, you know, it's even more direct. I'm not. Kristen is. And I'm also trying to manage.

You're trying to navigate, yeah.

You know, the covenant of me has gotten. two of my three gals are tore up about this thing. And then the dude in me is like, okay, it's so loose.

If I may, the dude in you is like, I'll fix it in a very sneaky way where they think. I'm just sharing my AA version of my story, but I am telling her to surrender.

because nothing works more.

than when you tell someone to surrender.

Yeah, when you Machiavellian. I relate.

I want to fix it. I definitely have that vibe.

I don't think it's binary, though. I don't think you can have an approach, which is I don't ever give advice, or I do give advice.

No, I just find for me, when I start to, it's where I lose them.

The results are clear.

But part of it's ego, right? Because you want to be someone who is good at giving advice. I think all three of us here like that.

Okay, let me ask you this, because I had a therapist. ask me this one time, and I loved it. What do you do when people don't take your advice?

What does it bring up? Like I'm not worthy. Yeah.

Yes.

Like, oh, what I said was, I guess, or you wasted my time.

Or you get mad.

Yeah, exactly.

Same, I frigging, love advice.

You love giving it or receiving it?

I love giving it.

It's hard for me to receive it. I don't know.

Exactly, we're waving our hands like right now. When people say, you know what you should do? It's like the sound of a bomb going off.

70% of the sentences my brother starts. is, you know what I would do if I were you? And I'm like, yeah, this is showstopper.

Or how about when someone's like, have you ever thought? And I'm like, this is like,

Earplugs in.

To me, it's the person. If the person who's trying to give me advice, I know is also very receptive to advice. They themselves have taken in a lot of advice. I am more willing. But if it's not someone who I think is very good at receiving and then they're trying to give, I'm like no.

No, you don't get to do that. Totally. It's just the right person in the right way, but I notice it. Luckily, I have a tool or a trick now where I can put my foot in the door for a second longer and be like Oh, okay. Hold on, Something's happening.

so do you feel seen when I talk about? I have done myself such a Disservice by not calling people along the way that we're already in the same station and say, hey, What's the ride been like for the last three years? What should I look out for?

I completely relate, and I have been trying to fix that, because women who are about 10 years older than me are so Prime time for me. I'm so blown away by how helpful they are. Just even being around them. I don't ask Specifically, yeah, but I'm working on it, because When I do, I feel like a watered plant or something, but I am the same. I love being a mentor, of course, my dream.

Let me applaud you. you're a fucking great People in here endlessly, who you have played a role in their journey to where they wanted to get. you were great at it.

Well, it's like my forehand. I love it. I gotta work on my back.

So I can see several different Motivations for not availing yourself to advice. I know a few of mine and I'm curious what your explanation is, Because I think maybe it would expose the fact that I don't belong here to ask and that's a great fear of mine, Like do I really belong here? And if I'm actually admitting to you, I'm not sure how to navigate this. I'm really exposing myself. is maybe not belonging here.

Okay, I'll get vulnerable here. Monica. I feel this way about relationship. Maybe you do too, but you know, I'm single. when people talk about relationships, It's just like if they don't do it the right way, it's so wrong.

Yes, and then also now they think something wrong about me and I didn't say it right to them.

I always feel so bad. I'm like, no, I didn't mean it like that. Miscommunication is so sad for me. It makes me feel.

Disconnected. I've done it three times this year and it's the first three times of my entire life. You've gone out to a mentor. I've asked people if I can talk to them for that more. that's gonna be a goal.

Did you share with them that it was hard to ask? Yeah, I think that helps. I don't think people think that things are sometimes hard for me, So I sometimes have to go. this might be weird, But it's kind of hard for me to ask this and you can tell people really.

Relax, and I'm probably shocked because you present. of all the people I've watched, there's so much seeming Confidence in who you are. I think it's why people are attracted to you. there's just like a clear direction you seem to always be moving in, and it's very much the steering wheels in your hand. and Yeah, I imagine it shocks people to hear that Amy is scared or fearful or confused.

Wow, great job, Amy. You really managed to never.

Okay, your goal was to have control and you did it. yeah, you got it, so you did Job, but now you're not serving you anymore, And so you have to let it go. Yeah, I get a practice it. I'm so the same, and I just had this huge meltdown, essentially on air. Can we listen to it?

Is it so funny? because some people love crying? Yeah, but it's so embarrassing. It's like throwing up.

No, but you know, there's also nothing I love more than somebody feeling safe to cry in front of me. It's a beautiful thing, but anyway I had this big meltdown and a friend was there for it, and then she told another friend and Jess, and then just came up To me after and he was like, you know, I forget that you struggle, because you are always the person to like give advice and you're always the person who seemingly has their shit.

Together, and that's why I like this show is I don't want to hear people's like I got my shit to get who cares. There's nothing for me to learn. they also don't. they also don't. none of us do.

Stay tuned for armchair expert if you dare.

I Want to know more about your meltdown, but I know you know.

I could say we'll see what we keep in of it, because it has to do with the show a little bit. So, are you okay with me telling this? Yeah, of course, Okay, we had a live show many years ago and there was a guy there with the sign. We've talked about it a lot on here.

Yeah, is this the dance that you guys do where you're like he was into you and you're okay percent.

Feelings about this. I almost want to hear him before you hear the story, because you might be very vindicated.

I have no horse in this race, having observed it. It's a dance you guys get into a lot. My question is how's it working for you? Because it terribly okay. Yeah.

You're also the perfect person to be talking about this, because I quote your book all the time. You have the same ism Monica and I have, which is, you didn't think you were hot. Exactly, you're the perfect person, I think, to be entering this, and clearly there's been a bunch of me in your life going, Amy.

Are you fucking ridiculous? And you know, what's so funny is what I feel in those moments is you're trying to build up, Monica, self-esteem, but from my experience it does the opposite. It makes you feel even worse. Yeah, you feel pity.

Yes, somebody is trying to prove to you that you're good enough, but that they have to do. that means you're not yes.

Well, I will challenge that, though I'm not having to do it, because you're vocally telling me you're not worthy of anyone's attraction. It starts with I live in a reality where I travel through the world with Monica and I see dudes like her.

could you tolerate the discomfort of not having to Prove her wrong about that? because if someone says I'm feeling that way and someone says that's crazy, There's a million people. It just doesn't work.

It feels like I'm denying your experience and I know.

Monica knows what your intention is. So it's so pure on top of it not working. You feel bad that you're not receiving The loving intention. Yeah, it's a double whammy. I know you're doing something nice.

So I feel bad because you're doing something nice and I don't like it.

Your timing for this is perfect and she'll tell the story why, because I'm done with it. So it's funny you would bring that up and that's over for us, and this story will demonstrate the outcome of it.

So we have this guy on, or he was at the show. He had this sign. He calls it out. It's this big thing. This guy's in love with you, and I said, no, He's not, and I think he just is doing a funny, fun thing.

So the guy who was in love with her is now dating a male friend of hers.

Yeah, and I found this out and I had a meltdown, and I was like really struggling. You had a meltdown.

That's very interesting, that that's where you went. Well, at first I was like, I knew it.

I was gonna say you didn't feel vindicated. I did. That was the first thought. but then it was immediately Followed with so much sadness and I couldn't really figure out why at first. but it was that I had to Accept that when Dax says that to me, I don't believe him, but I want to, and there's a piece that I leave open for it to be true.

I understand, and then she was pretty mad at me that day. I wasn't mad at you, but I wanted to tell you well, I specifically asked are you mad at me about this? and you said?

Yeah, sorry. I'm turning into Orna now, but when you say are you mad at me and someone says yes, do you get a charge?

No, oh Yeah, let's go. Let's just say I love confrontation. Yeah.

Like. I just love that someone tells me they're mad at me.

I love the honesty and Monica and I for our many faults. We're very, very honest with each other, and it's how we've kept this thing. Like my biggest fear is someone's mad at me and they don't tell me. is that cuz, can't you tell? I don't really even have that.

I guess it's not even a fear. I just when they're upset and we don't talk. I just feel so awful.

Yeah, I hate that. Let's do this space. and I got it. I understand the unraveling happened and then, of course, my defense of myself was like, yeah, you know what one of these guys again, I'm not remounting the argument, but I get text all the time You are doing it right now You're actually getting right back on the stool. My personal fear was Oh God, one person was proven, correct.

My god, it's Cedar City, Utah, I think it is.

By the way, that was crazy, spidey senses. How did you even? did you feel like you felt?

I heard a little buzz. Okay, cuz I didn't hear, I have my phone down my pants. I keep.

Romantically, are for me the strongest in the world. to not be Desirable, that's the number one thing as a single person.

There's also just an added layer of like. who is the person? because the last five years, Especially as a person dating out in the world, has been a trip. I just want to commiserate, Empathize, just say the job market is not the same as it was. not to call it a market, But it is.

You might be remembering it. I'm getting a little defensive. I can feel it about. I don't know that I'm giving so much advice and maybe I am and I'm blind to it, But I would think of it more, or this is what it feels like. it is to me, as I also know, Monica's a great Writer and she has opportunities to write that.

I want you to not sleep on it. But the difference is, I'm not saying No, I'm not. I agree, I know that about myself. So when you say it, it makes me feel good. I like that.

I'm sorry, you know, I Would not want to add on the layer that you're articulating, which is like and now I also feel bad because of this. I don't wish to do that and I'm sorry you guys talk about a lot of stuff in here.

You really get in and it's enmeshed in a way. So maybe you want to figure out how much it's difficult, because it's content. your stuff is your content, too.

So it's difficult, Amy, on your journey, though over the last five years. I do want to know one answer in a couple of service, cuz I, Even after getting out of the relationship with Brie. is Brie gonna be on the show, by the way, because you know, I've met Brie? Oh, yes. Yes, you have neighbors.

No, mine is more really trying to Bring kind of what we were talking about earlier, bring the authentic version of myself to a relationship, because I think that's the work is showing up and figuring out what that is, and I've been Grateful that I've turned the work in a little bit other people, as medicine was definitely something I probably yeah.

Yeah, we all do. Yeah, I always say it's the original drug. For me it was.

The pole was part of the charge. and then what is intimacy like working on that? So it's almost like it's just trying to figure that out day by day. And so when you're doing all that work on yourself, figuring out how to also just casually be casual, It's weird. It feels weird.

Don't you think it almost feels like they're diametrically opposed? Like if I actually get to this place, where I'm not fearful that you could see all of me and you would reject me, I almost imagine I wouldn't even be interested in partnership.

Not to get like to global. but I think the romantic love is so Lionized and there's so many versions of love. I know I have a ton of them in my life. So they fulfill all this stuff, but we still are just obsessed With one version of love and even we know that version is not even real, temporary, at best a hundred percent. So sometimes I'm like do I just miss the oxytocin of the love part?

I wonder, like me, it's such a part of who I am like. just endless female validation I need to know at all times and actually, as I'm getting older and I'm feeling myself transcendent, that almost scares the fuck out of me. I was just in Austin for a week by myself and I go to Barton Springs and I can see these women are hot. like I'm observing now that one's very hot, that one's very hot and then there's no second thought of like. I would like to do Anything with them, and I'm like, oh, I'm getting older, Yeah, and I don't want to do anything with them.

I think of it as the end of act two, basically, which is okay. So there's a big thing at the end of act two, which is like what the fuck are we gonna do? Oh, no, we're screwed. And then you realize, but it opens up spirituality and it opens up Compassion and it opens up connection. It opens up a lot of other things, but I know you mean I'm phrasing it is like.

I'm holding on to it. I'm not, but I'm aware of it and I'm like. was such a curious thought to be on this planet and meet someone that's high status and Attractive and never even think. I wonder if they like me. That's such an unimaginable world for me.

So relate, because even with comedy and improv and all stuff like, you were just aware of status, you would play around with it, You'd have fun with it, the big and little of it all, and then, when it kind of starts to fall away, I guess it's just fear of death. Really? It's just like oh, no.

Am I going to die to bring up an interview? I was reading with you and you were talking about that. You have discovered later in life that you're more of an introvert than yeah You knew, and I guess I was wondering when I read that, Are you discovering you are always more of an introvert, or has the context of your life? Actually just made you more of an introvert? because I think for me I was just trying Constantly to get everyone's approval and basically everyone around me had higher status, or they were further along in their career, Or they had more money, or whatever.

It's not disgusting, it's like human nature. We're social primates. Oh, that's so interesting. You might be right, because I did learn in the pandemic. I wasn't a true introvert because I was really hurting, itchy.

Where are you at? on the money? I don't have the same. No, I don't. I have a very

Very blue-collar. I've thought about it because I've listened to you guys talk about it. I don't have the same fear. I'd never felt a grasping energy with it and therefore it didn't feel like it was gonna go away. I'm not hyper vigilant in a way that I am about other things.

Can we pause real quick, because I have a question about when you said you pull hot guys. So, is that the status marker? I can't.

Article. oh dear, you have, but you have and you should. I only say that because I'm just relating to the.

Chase of it. You're also talking to the kettle. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but that's my question.

Is it a person with physical attractiveness so that you then feel for me? if a hot guy likes me, that I feel hotter?

I love an alpha alphas, love alphas. Yeah, I love it.

You know, you're the one who introduced me to the alpha concept 2006. you were early in on the alpha energy and you inform me, and I have been around so many alpha males.

I mean, it's been your whole life. I also love alpha. when I'm obsessed, anyone that you're just like, oh my god. so I think there's something about status, but there was a relaxed sense of Self where I could even fake it most of the time, but where I felt confident enough to go for it. And that's changed a little bit.

Of course you pull. I feel like, oh, here we go. I'm about to make the same mistake twice, Babers. you're a smoke show and you're so confident. Thank you for yeah, you are Right back at you, and what a fucking once-in-a-lifetime personality.

Can't wait to find out who that person is, as we're now.

We're not entering middle age. you and I inhabit middle age. Are you feeling weird? It is weird, But I think I'm starting to grasp the things you hear people talk about. they enjoy it.

Do you feel it big time? And that is the mentors that are my mentors, without knowing that I mentor.

Oh, are you having a party? Okay, so similar to that. I don't ask anyone for advice. I also never invite people to a birthday party. Okay, same, and can I just say something?

I never celebrated them. the idea of like surprise.

Know we're good. Let's be honest. We're.

In the dance contest, but

Have a dance party for your 50.

Oh, my dude, if you have a dance party in Tennessee, I will go All right, consider yourself invited and I think you should have a dance party, because my experience was same exact thing. I never wanted to celebrate my birthday. people were like, it's your birthday. It was like who celebrates.

I'm judgmental of people who make a big deal or make it their whole birthday day.

Even though I love to give them a present and I love to think about that. I'm just like, okay, it's your birthday all day And I have to say have a dance party, have a silent disco. it helped me cross over my face. where you went. I was in New York.

You know what that solves to. the thing I hate about parties like that is there's all these people I love. I would want to Spend 30 minutes talking to each person and then you end up having to say hi to all these people and then I get Self-conscious about that. they felt shortchange. But if the whole events on the dance were like, well, I said, that's what I said.

I said, I'll be on the dance floor. come say hi, Right, Genius, because I didn't want to stand at the door, I didn't want to talk a lot and also I kind of wanted to just point at people on the dance floor and for them to be like Come back and leave. it felt like a good thing to do for myself also, and not to be cheesy. But it's nice when you're 50 to actually look around and say wow. I have all these friends.

You had to see it all it forces you to recognize. you really were here.

Yes, you really existed. as you get a little older, you want to remind yourself of the numbers. Does that make sure?

Okay, so this was one of my other questions and it's on very similar topic to you getting to see all your friends in one Place and recognizing it. you've had a bunch of chapters. You have SNL, you have starring in movies, you have starring in TV, You have directing, you have writing a book, you have building UCB and I'm curious, on your deathbed, What's the one that you're like? Oh, man. I'm proud of Amy for doing that.

By UCB. Yeah, I was gonna say, do I have to pick one? Okay, this is gonna be kind of cheesy. I'm not trying to avoid the answer, But it is the real answer, because a couple things pop up under this heading SNL and parks and UCB and all this stuff directing. I want to throw directing.

So still I felt present. I heard actually you and Maya talking and I brought it up to her. You guys are sitting there talking in some interview, and you said there's a moment where you guys both realized Oh, we can have fun while we're out here. The sketch is almost secondary to. let's try to do this over and over again.

Yes, that was a drug really, but my go-to-bed happy thing is when I actually Remember that in whatever I'm doing, the accomplishments feel like they're just stories that you can tell, but the feeling of I'm actually Feeling it in real time. It's hard to get to. it feels like a timing thing and work on yourself.

And you don't get nostalgic for the results, you get nostalgic for the process. That's all I'm into now.

I don't even care as much about the job. It's people and process. Who are we doing it with? because the other stuff kind of falls away. you kind of forget it, But the people in the process is the thing that I care about.

Okay, so you and I are both. I don't know if you've proclaimed it like I have, and I'll regret having proclaimed it, But I haven't been on camera for a couple years and I don't want to be. I relate. you've been saying like I'm kind.

Of retired and I've been feeling that too. Yeah, and I'm curious what your motivations are. parks ended and I was super burnt out in the best way, But directing and acting. I had two little kids during that show. like I tell this story, Which is, all the guys that worked on parks were all standing around, and you know We've been together like seven, eight years and everyone's like wow, between all of us.

Physically, grew them and had them and came to work. Yeah, you observed kids being born. I.

Changed again So that part and then I kind of got into the feeling of not having to be in front of the camera and I got way more interested in Directing and writing and producing and stuff, even though I had been doing that before. But I got way more into it and the freedom of that, and I used to joke like just wearing your own clothes on set, It's a dream, and you know, Maybe you go into the hair and makeup trailer and you're like, can I get a little cream for my face? And you just go. how are you guys doing? And you know, let me know when you're done.

Well, I was wondering do you get nostalgic? because it's already happening to Kristen, which is? she too had the Mike share experience. You're so lucky, so few of us get it, and I had it on parenthood, too. I was like, well, I know this is as good as it's ever gonna get, and then I get nostalgic for that and I miss Being with those people, but then I go.

These past couple years, Tina and I went on tour and that has been wrestles like so fun. being in front of an audience, Getting actual laughs, working on material, writing jokes, process that process so fun To be on tour with your friend of 30-plus years. You just want to go to like Macy's during the day.

Something just happened and I don't know that the timing's gonna work out, but I got an email. Would I do one episode of Righteous Gemstones? And I was like, oh, yeah, I'll do that. I've been watching that show. if I get to go play with Danny in a scene and experience the thing I've been watching and loving, Yes, I don't think it's gonna lead to anything.

You know, what? I'm sad to admit is that I Gave up a few of those kind of fun opportunities for a while because I was literally struggling with getting old on camera. Yeah, it was such a bummer. That's one of the things I'm leaving behind.

I want to do it but not see my face on camera. I know I don't want to see my Just.

Okay, Dax, yeah, and then I'm bringing it back to Monica. what feels Terrible is when someone says what are you talking about? You look great. Well, this is why I differ from you, too.

I love that. I.

Totally do you do, cuz I don't. I'm like, I know when I look good, right? I know good pictures of myself. This is not a flattering and also I'm so fatigued By just even that thought. I had it in my 20s, I'm here in my 50s.

Yes, yeah, we're gonna feel that way, but we're gonna do it anyways, I know, and we're gonna maybe just now watch it. That's why being a tour has been so fun.

It's been on stage and you just don't have to watch it.

I have this weird mirage to where it's like I can Svengali you. if I'm talking directly to a human, I can project to you an eight. We are better. We are better in person. Yes, people tell me that in real life like wow, you're more attractive in real life.

I'll feel confident and then I'll get text once a week from someone being like. you look like this person. You should play this person and that's not. and when I tell you I won't name names, I won't name names, but I bet you can guess them. They're not people you want to look and they're never the people you want to look like.

Good. I'm gonna text you next week that you should play Sweeney.

Actually, that's a great idea.

Idea.

Great idea, like just very.

Confidently playing. what's gonna happen to them 30 years. The funny thing is is it's completely universal. both people are offended. That's the hilarity of it.

I'm too insecure to even ask the people that are mixed up. I wouldn't even ask them, I know, but that's a funny idea to reverse in the life story of someone who's I played the rise of a supermodel, not jokingly, just Genuinely committed to how hard it was to be so objectified and tall. Yeah, that would be so funny.

Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

Yeah, I clean my house when I drive. when I travel, I learned that you're listening to like a dozen of them.

Love the genre and Ike. we had him on as a guest and I went to his house the next day. I'm like, what show do you want to do? I will want to do a show with you. You're incredible.

Bill Poehler. luckily, he wouldn't mind me telling you my dad is dyslexic. So he's a little more nervous. He's an extrovert, for sure, but he wouldn't be able to maybe nail the lines. Yeah, and that's a safety valve to stop us from him probably becoming an actor, Because.

Yeah,

But when I saw his dad, I was like, oh for sure, oh my god, Ike is Ike.

Yeah, so paper kite podcast. We're doing a work advice podcast with the ladies. I work with at paper kite. It's called million-dollar advice. and then we do three.

Yes, Ike is Chris. Can I tell what? I didn't hear it, but I read about it and it reminded me of my very favorite Sketch ever on mr. Show. I don't know if you remember that sketch where Dave Cross is the host of a show And he starts by saying and he's completely disheveled.

Yeah, Then I called my therapist, played by Rachel Dratch, who got in the session.

She calls the client.

Kowalski, who's another improviser and sketch performer from Chicago. We work on it together and we mapped that.

What a hysterical turn that ultimately the patient ends up getting cold.

Yes, so fun, But that's been a blast to do and it's scratched, that itch a little bit. and then so now you have a new one. women Talk about murder. Yes, that's Liz Kowalski and Emily Spivey.

SNL. I've met Spivey through you, and this is like a soulmate, right because she was a writer on SNL.

I'd be. yes, soulmate. Liz and Spivey and I were all at SNL at the same time. Emily and I started at the same time. Emily is like a North Carolina Groundlings girl.

Also, I really love good character names, for whatever reason. sometimes people mail like Donna and Jo Beth, Jo Beth, Jo Beth is such a.

Incredible, incredible names. Yeah, I'm for a name for a host of this show, and that was. it was super fun. Cuz, I love true crime. I listen to a ton of podcasts.

You said in an interview that you listen to a lot of them, But you think there's something really fascinating about the fact that there's all these women listening at 8 a.

I wonder why and I can listen to it or read it. I don't really want to watch it. I can't take violent movies or violent shows. I'm like, mm-hmm. It's too scary, but I just will listen to almost anything.

Why is that? I have a theory and mostly I came up with it when I read your explanation why you want to do? Yeah, what do you think? So it definitely over indexes. heavily women are into these shows.

In fact, in our podcast we joke they're waiting for one woman. They've covered 3,000 stories and it's all straight white men.

So. similarly, I think men love war movies. Every man's watching World War two in color, because that again is historically the most likely way I'll die in a way that is completely unjust. true crime is our Roman Empire is what I think it is.

Acting out, our fear, knowing what to look for, so that you don't find yourself in that situation. Yeah, it's more subconscious. Like this is a tool now. I have found coming out in the past five years.

We've been watching so much dark stuff, like comedies getting really dark. Every comedy has to have assault. in episode four, like it's intense. Yeah, and comedies are getting darker and darker and darker, which I get it. great TV.