Kaley Cuoco Returns
2024-02-05 01:06:16
After 25 years at the Late Night desk, Conan realized that the only people at his holiday party are the men and women who work for him. Over the years and despite thousands of interviews, Conan has never made a real and lasting friendship with any of his celebrity guests. So, he started a podcast to do just that. Deeper, unboundedly playful, and free from FCC regulations, Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend is a weekly opportunity for Conan to hang out with the people he enjoys most and perhaps find some real friendship along the way.
Hi, my name is Kaylee Cuoco.
And I feel suspicious about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Well, you know, I've been here before. You asked me back a second time, so I'm thinking, maybe the first time didn't go so well.
This is a sting operation. This is what I'm wondering. You have not paid your taxes in four years.
Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walk in blues, climb the fence, books and pens. I can tell that we are going to be friends.
I can tell that we are going to be friends. Hey there, welcome to Conan. O'Brien needs a friend.
And what are you laughing about? I don't know, you know? Often when you come right in with a Hey there Sona and I just exchange a look, like, is he going to make it through? How's this going to go? That makes me self-conscious and then I can't roll through, you know?
Oh, no, now we won't look at each other well. I might want to put up some kind of curtain or something for the open, and then it slowly rises so that you can see each other once I've gotten through the open. But it is distracting and we need to run this like a professional organization.
Take it again, we won't do anything. No, no, I just want to tell you that, hey there.
Welcome to Conan. O'Brien. Needs a friend? I do need a friend. always in need of a friend. you can't have too many friends.
Actually not true. You can have too many friends. Hmm, yeah, who?
I just, you know, if you had, like, don't you find that? Sometimes, like, you get to a certain stage of life and someone is kind of interested, maybe in being your friend. And you think I'm all set, it's true, I'm set until the grave, or unless some of them dies. The older you get, the smaller your circle needs to be.
I have told people I like you, you seem like a nice person. I would be your friend, but I need for one of my friends to die. That's what you told me, yeah.
Yeah, no, but I didn't say you'd ever be a friend. No, that was just a. I said. That was the acquaintance list. You could be an acquaintance of mine if an acquaintance dies.
But Sona, right, do you agree with what I'm saying? You don't have room, you have twins, you have tac.
Your husband tac taxesian, you don't have, okay? Yeah, well, whatever.
Yeah, no, not whatever. that's just not his name. You can't just say whatever, do you know?
For years, I thought that was his name. I know, I think there's people who probably think, Is it tac Taxesorian? Okay, I don't know.
I'm honestly asking you what his last name is? You know what his last name is? I don't. I don't know his last name. It's Beroyan.
What God? Oh man, okay, well, anyway, let's go back to the friend thing.
Okay, what I'm saying is you have a full plate. I have a lot of friends, you've got two children, yeah.
You've got Tac, last name, whatever he wants to say, it is okay, you've got. I know your friends. Piss, right? Yeah, that's true.
Christina, who I've called Piss, Veronica, Angie, You know, you've got a bunch of friends. Erica, Megan Lindsey, right? You have a lot of friends, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. So if another person came along at this point and said, Hey, I want to be your friend and have some time with you, would you tell them? I'm full up? No, I wouldn't, and you know what?
I actually made a friend recently and we went to the Huntington Library together and we had a really lovely day and we had lunch and it was really nice. Is this an affair or a friend?
No, she's my friend, she's my friend now. We'll like, text everyone for a while. But how did you meet?
She's Armenian, she's a comedian, her name's Mary, and she's really funny. And I, you know, we just ran into each other at a lot of different events and she's cool, I like her.
Do your current friends resent at all that you've taken on a new friend? No, no, friends don't think like that. No, that's not how friends work.
They don't get mad that you have more friends. What kind of friends do you have? The people that really like, keep track of this stuff? Okay, yeah, really, keep track of it.
Those aren't friends. Yeah, well, that's all I have. I'm sorry, No, I don't want to share you.
No, I don't. I. Well, you understand what I'm saying, don't you, Matt, that at a certain point you're set, you've got your friends.
In a sense, I do, yeah, you've got your friends. No, I don't understand this at all. I'm saying I'm open to more friends, but you got to be a banger, you know what I mean?
Right, you really got to a real corker, like, you got to come in dancing, right? You got to have real good Spiro Agnew memorabilia.
Exactly, you have to have a lute that's in tune, you need to have your shit together. And that's how I feel, which is you can come to me.
You can ask me if you want to be my friend, but you got to bring something to the table. Because at this point I've, you know, my friends, I've got a big posse.
Yeah, you know, I've got a big, I roll deep, yeah.
With a lot of friends, yeah, three to four people. Why are we doing this podcast? It's called Conan O'Brien Meets a Friend.
Yes, but what isn't?
I think what should be implied is, let's see if you make it. Oh, okay, what do you think the series finale of this podcast is?
Is there a friend for you? Do you bring one of these people in and finally announce I've had you in a number of times, You're the one, you're the friend. Oh so, we should make it like the bachelor.
Kind of like, I should hand a rose when this thing finally comes to the end, which I hope isn't for a long, long time. Months from now, I think I should hand a rose or a plate of corned beef. Are you going to have an overnight? And then, like, go to their hometown and meet their families and stuff, too.
I've never watched these shows. Is that what happens? That's what happens when you say there's an overnight. Do they have sex? I mean, that's implied.
Do they have sex on television? No, no, the cameras aren't on, but it's implied. And there's like rose petals on the bed, and then they're like, you know, they start making out.
Is that sexy to have rose petals on the bed? I mean, I personally would not like it's supposed to be rose petals, right? What do you put on it? See, I fucked up like succulents.
Like cactus, yeah, for Eliza. Once I was trying to be romantic and I went and there was just a shrub.
There was a shrub that I saw near the high, just like a ficus, it was like a ficus. And I just pulled it out. And I remember when I pulled it out and then my hands broke out and these big sores. But then I just threw it all over the bed. And she said, How is this sexy? and I said, Come on, this is what people do.
It's a fucking shrub. What dirt do you have on this woman that you got her to marry? I don't know, I definitely married up. Did it have the roots?
And like the dirt, there was soil all over the bed. Oh man, come on, that's not sexy. And also a traffic sign that was nearby.
It said deer crossing and it was rusty and that came out too. Oh no, and then a deer died, and so that was just up near the pillow. Yeah, and then the deer didn't. No one was slowing down for the deer. the deer were like, this should be okay.
There's a sign rump.
Antler jelly all over the place.
I love deer going, it should be fine. There's a sign and then the other deer is like, Should we check that it's still there? and the first deer is like, Who would move a deer crossing sign? There's only shrubbery here.
There aren't roses here. I go with no peripheral vision.
Rump, rump.
Get your deer jelly, antler jelly, nose jelly, hoof jelly.
We've got it all, oh man.
Come on, don't kill the deer. Yeah, that's not sexy, don't do the shrub all right. Well, now, you tell me.
Now you tell me this was after we had already had two children, nonsense.
Fortunately, my two kids had already come along when I tried the shrub. Hey, throw a shrub on the bed, let's do it well. There's no transition here, there never is.
My Guest Today starred on the hit CBS series The Big Bang Theory and the Mac series The Flight Attendant. Now you can see her in the new Prime video movie Roleplay. Very excited to talk to her. I really love talking to this woman, she's lovely.
Kaley Cuoco, Welcome.
There was a little bit of, I guess, a kerfuffle when you pulled in No.
Let me just tell you what I had to deal with, just tell me if I can fire.
All I want to do is fire people.
I know I want to watch you fire people. So last time I came, this was not here, I was at a different place.
This is our facility that we've had for about two years now. Amazing, yeah, and you came, I think you were the first person that came during....
The height of Covid.
The height of Covid in person, you came in in person, coughing on everyone, uh, huh, well.
I didn't think Covid was real, so I was like, here I am.
I came in, didn't care.
That was a different place because this place wasn't done yet. But this, this is my James Bond Evil Lair, No.
It's definitely evil. Well, I drove in and they say they're like, drive in and they're going to have a parking spot for you. Now I drive a huge car, like an obnoxious car, and so they go, Oh, you just pull your car right behind. Conan's right there, that shiny blue, gorgeous Tesla, and it's like four inches to get by your car, and I was like, I can't hit Conan's car.
I couldn't park there, so I left the facility and I parked myself in a parking garage on Larchmont. This is....
So.
If you're going to validate this for me, I'm going to owe a lot of money when I leave because of this bullshit. Parking garage.
I'm going to be honest with you, we're in a wonderful facility, beautiful facility, as you will attest, gorgeous. And we do editing here for this TV show I'm doing for HBO Max. And we can do podcasts here, we make our own honey and we make ale here.
We run medieval fairs out of this place, there's a birthing center, there's a birthing center. I wish I would have known that, yeah.
And I'm a doula. Yeah, well, I mean, I say, I am. I don't really know what's going on. You're the worst doula.
I'm the worst doula I'm like.
What's happening?
This is disgusting.
Vomiting everywhere.
Who said there'd be fluids? He doesn't want to look at the vagina? Oh, no, don't even talk about it. When's the Stork coming?
I was told.
There was a stork.
You'd be the best doula, we'd be laughing so hard.
But no, we have this great facility and you can chime in because Adam Adam Sachs is here and he's one of the fellow masterminds of this whole thing. But there's not a lot of parking. No, there really isn't. I mean, sometimes there's no parking for me and you'd think I would have parking.
What's going on now? You have a nice, comfortable space, don't you? I get here first.
That's why it's an incentive.
To get here really early so that I get a spot, right.
And if you're a guest?
Andy Richter's here, he's got a spot. And so I pulled in, and first of all, I was hoping that you would hit me.
Because because I was great, well.
You've got that big bang money, you know? I mean, you're a big success. And I would, I would quickly run out and pretend that I was in the car. Oh yes.
And be like my neck.
My neck cuoco.
Cuoco.
See.
I knew that that's why I parked.
In a parking structure on Larchmont.
You say you drive a big car, is it like two hummers strapped together side by side?
I actually drive an 18-wheeler.
Nice, very nice.
I got my license for that recently and I enjoy driving it around town. People love it, people love it. No, but I really didn't want to hit your car and so.
It's fine. Well, I'm not a I'm really.
What's done is done.
I'm not into my possessions, I'm not a very materialistic person, said the guy with the blue Tesla. Yeah, and it's very shiny.
And very clean, but it looked like it was like lights were like streaming down, it was like.
Oh, you have it lit, yeah.
Yeah.
We have it lit from all different angles. There's better lighting on my car in the non-parking space that I don't have than there is in this studio right now. I could not wait.
To come back today because I remember last time I was here, I think I spent two straight hours laughing, I don't even think I talked.
Well, you were on something, you just made me laugh, you were on something, it was Covid, I wasn't even there.
I remember I got there a little late and they said, Kaylee's been here for an hour and she's in the studio alone, laughing. So it wasn't me. Yeah, that's true. So much has happened in your life, you have a 10-month-old today child.
Today.
I had a baby 10 months ago.
How's everything going?
Oh my God, Sona, how old are yours?
They're two and a half.
Oh my God, you had two at the same time. I did. why did you do that?
I honestly, I don't know.
It's crazy, it is really crazy.
It's a lot.
How are you and you look so rested?
Oh, do I? Yes, I think it's just a lot of makeup because I'm not rested. I mean, Matt's got a two and a half-year-old too. Yeah, two in three months.
Oh my god.
We're just talking.
About not getting any sleep. She's in the Navy now, that's right.
She's actually a seal, a navy seal, she's badass.
I'm thinking of, just I'm thinking of because my kids are-.
How many months are your kids?
My daughter's 51.
My daughter's, my son is 49. Exactly. Everybody still did months, months is so stupid, by the way.
You're 950 months old.
I even hate hearing myself say 10 months, it really annoys me. Before one, it makes sense, you don't have a choice, it's a lot.
It's like, almost one.
Right?
A month's conversation.
It is, this is the thing is. I'm pulled back into it all because I remember viscerally what it was like when our children were, you know, 10 months old. Then you, it's funny, it starts to drift away and go away if you, I think this is very, very sexist. But if you're the guy. I kind of start to forget. And I'll say to my wife, isn't it funny? She's like, I don't forget any of it. What do you mean?
You forget, of course, you forget you. You ran off and did a talk show.
Every day.
Asshole, exactly. And I'd say, Oh, I had a kind of a rough time today with, you know, George Clooney? Yeah, exactly.
He kept talking about a prank and I couldn't get him to come to the point.
And then I had this veal that wasn't quite to my liking at a restaurant and then made my way home after a few cosmos. How's the baby? Do you even know its name? Not really, but but anyway, so it's yes, she does not forget.
No, we don't forget, you will not forget any of it.
I know what I hate, though, and you can tell me if you hate this, too. What I hate is how everyone now is like, Hey mama, what is that? I'm just like, I had a call on the way here and she was like, How's mom life? And I'm like, it was the same 10 and a half months ago.
Like, I don't, it's the same like I, just I get like this visceral, angry reaction, like, Hey, mama, you're looking so good, I'm like.
Well, what did I look like before? Like, I'm so.
Everybody, everybody. So you're at a 7-eleven just trying to get some slim jims and you're like, Hey mama, yes, if they know you have a baby.
And all of a sudden you're mama, yes, and you look good, yes, but it's like a difference than just looking normal, good.
Yeah.
They expect you to look haggard.
You're alive and well, you're living today.
You're out in the world.
No one can believe it and I'm like, What are you doing?
Your eyes are still.
On your side.
It's just ridiculous.
Yeah, you know, I had to tell on this last job that I did because they were all calling me mama. I actually had to tell my assistant to tell everyone and I'm not, I'm easy, like, I'm, I'm whatever, I'm good.
I'm good. But everyone was calling me mama so often and I was really hiding. And I was like, I'm not going to, like, let them call you that. Like, don't get mad. Sure. I started to really resent everybody.
And I had my assistant call a meeting and tell everyone to stop calling me mama, and they did.
Yeah, of course they did. Yeah, yeah, that's Cuoco law.
Can you imagine?
I couldn't take it anymore.
I think that's fine. Yes, I do, too. I swear this is a true story I can't do.
You have, what about this? This is something I'm curious about. When you were pregnant, did you ever have men put their hand on your belly? Who without your permission? Because I saw that happen once or twice.
It's weird, right?
It was me the one that was doing it. I was on the subway, I didn't think they'd catch me. No, no, no, I saw, I saw one or two times. I saw someone reach over and put their hand on my wife's belly.
But it was people we kind of we knew them. But I always thought, like, Wow, that is a move I would never. I am so phobic about the touching. Yeah, I just do that to non-pregnant women. Yeah, someday there'll be a baby in here.
Weird.
What an awful move. That's weird. Let me feel where the baby will one day be, will one day be, oh.
It's so gross.
That is the creepiest. Now I keep thinking about that and wondering why I didn't think of it, yeah.
I know.
Hey, there, let's just feel where that someday a baby might live in this apartment.
I'm throwing up, Oh my god, what?
It's the rubbing it, too, that makes it worse. I know future nursery, come on.
I wish you could see everyone's hands the way they're moving right now. Well.
Anyway, it's like we've done it before.
No, I know.
I just didn't think of it.
That's the worst. I'm like, I wasn't that way either. Even with other pregnant friends like, I'm not a stomach toucher, I'm not like, I just I was. I would literally walk around forgetting I was pregnant.
Like, I just wasn't that pregnant girl, that like, I wasn't like Mrs. I just. I just wanted it to be done, right, you know?
Yeah.
This comes to mind because of the movie You just did, which I watched and I really loved. Oh, thank you. Where you're, you're, you're role play, where you're doing all these amazing badass stunts. Basically playing a mom who's also an assassin, and it's really physical and you're really good at it.
Thank you and.
And I'm like, this is major. Some Keanu Reeves moves in here. And I and I was thinking, what was the timeline? was this after, you know?
I landed in Germany, I shot it in Germany, it landed in Germany, and then we found it. A week later, I was pregnant and I went in for my first day of stunt training.
I was pregnant.
That's insane, I know that's crazy.
I was pregnant that whole time, it was wild. Also, we shot in Berlin in the summer, it was like a thousand degrees. And all I wanted was taco Bell, and they don't have Taco Bell in all of Germany. I looked, I searched.
It's all I wanted, but also I didn't tell anyone I was pregnant, so all they kept thinking was this girl keeps asking for taco bell.
And won't let us call her mama very sweaty and won't let us.
Call her mama, and her stunt double seems to be interfering with a lot. Keeps saying like, I'll do that, I'll do that because I told her.
Oh, you told your stunt double, Okay, that's good.
Told my stunt double.
I was doing a lot of shit and you were doing a lot. Yeah, I did a lot of it. And there's no way that's like, nope, they did not cGi your head onto that person's body, no.
You're doing a lot of these stunts and you're pregnant while you're doing it, obviously early on, but still, that's got to be in your head a little bit. Or no? It was more.
It wasn't the physicality. I was sick the whole time, so I was just so I wanted to die the entire time. I just was sick, I was just nauseous.
So the physical stuff? I actually felt better because I was like moving around. But when I would just have to sit there and like, say, dialogue, I just was like seeing white. But yeah, it was a wild, it was a wild experience, I wouldn't recommend it.
When I.
I was like, Oops.
What if? but what if? what if your baby now just has that, you know, just because it was she was in Utero, what if she now she can?
She's in stunt classes now, doing sword fighting.
I mean, I told you she's 10 months today, that's the time.
Yeah, this is the time to get her going in that. So sword fighting and you know, all all those sorts of things.
That's funny that you want to talk about. My wife was a vegetarian when I met her, and so then we get married. She finds out she's pregnant. Okay, everything's moving along fine.
We go out to this place in New York. I order a burger because I'm Irish Catholic, and for me, that's a well-rounded, healthy meal, absolutely. And so I get my burger and she gets her salad, and I'll never forget.
She said Liza said, Can I just have one bite of your burger? And she had never been interested at all in any of the giant Flintstone steaks. I was eating or anything, and she said, Can I just have one bite of your burger? And I went okay, and I held it over the table and she took a bite and then didn't let go.
Oh my god.
And then, I swear to God. Her jaw detached, yes, like a snake, and she pushed it and my fist into her mouth and inhaled it. And bye-bye.
No more vegetarian like, because it was no longer her in charge. Yep, it was our daughter inside, saying it's burger time and pulling a lever, yes.
And does she still eat meat?
Yes.
So it's so crazy. So I also was a vegetarian. I hadn't eaten meat in, like, probably seven or eight years, and my, my fiance, my partner's big meat eater, too. And this was when this exact story happened to us.
Oh, really okay.
And I was like, I want that, it's the same thing, and I said, I have to have that. He's like, you have it, and I ate the whole steak, and I now, like, only eat steak.
Your cholesterol is 7,000.
But yeah.
This is my last you've had six heart attacks since you came in here.
I have no, but it's crazy. And I now I eat meat, which is nuts. And I didn't for years, but it was the second that I was pregnant, got pregnant.
Yeah, and it's. It's funny because at the time I asked my dad, who's a doctor, and I said to him, Isn't that something? and he went, Ah, the passenger is now in charge.
Oh my god.
Yeah, and he had this little smile, like, Ah, yes, the passenger. I'm like, what are you suddenly talking in this weird code? You know, you've been to medical school. You can say the child in Utero wants protein.
No, the passenger has taken control of the vessel. What?
It's funny, I think I have almost like the The Grandpa syndrome, because I'm so hungry for videos of children. I'm constantly pestering. I pester Sona all the time and she'll send me some that are really funny of her kids. Basically, with hammers smashing their house and just going crazy.
And what's the funniest thing is Sona's shooting it and laughing, I bet she's always like.
Uh, oh, yes, oh.
Gonna smash that.
Huh, gonna smash that thing?
That great Grandpa left for us in his will.
Yes.
Oh, there it goes, just you're just laughing, it's really funny. I beg her for these things. And then I'm like, more, more, more, more. And suddenly I'm realizing that, oh, I'm just in that phase where I can't. I love it.
I just love it. That kid thing is so funny, I'm sure you guys see it. We'll have her all day and then I'm like, Oh, finally, and we put her to bed and I'm like, Oh.
And then I find sitting there, watching videos that I took of her all day, like, I'm like, What are you doing? Go live, lady.
I do that about my shows from the late 90s, you do.
No.
I talked that up for you.
Yeah, no, no, I watched them right right, and I'm like, Oh my God, look at him. oh, look at him.
He's still in his 40s.
Look how he eats with his hands.
Yeah, look how.
Cute.
You can tell he's shitting himself. Oh, and then I send them to people, you got to check this out, This is Me with Christine Baranski.
Check It Out 2002.
Wait, why am I looking at this? Oh my god, aren't I adorable? No.
Oh my god, you seem weird.
My face hurts.
But I would, you can't take. That's the only thing I tell parents is, you cannot take enough video. Oh my God, you just have to have cameras rolling all the time, constantly.
Because it doesn't, yeah.
Just constant funny stuff. It's ridiculous. She's going pointing right now and going, uh-oh, everything's uh-oh, but it's so funny. I want to send videos to everyone.
I'm like, no one's going to think this is cute, but me, because I remember when my friends would send me. I'm like, Oh, great, she's saying, uh-oh. now I'm like, Look, our child's saying, uh-oh, everything's so exciting.
Just means your baby's neurotic. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh.
Later, at 45, uh-oh.
Well, she would be if she got swords coming at her face in her classes.
Oh my God, yeah, she is totally immersed.
Doing stunt work, you know?
Now, what are you going to, what's your feeling going to be down the road? Because it's so interesting. It's like you got started so young, I know, doing what you're doing. And then you think about your daughter coming to you and saying, I want to do that, and your attitude might be very different.
Like, Listen, I survived that, but I don't want that for you.
I had such a good experience growing up as an actor, I had, like, the best parents, and I mean, Tom and I were actors. I'm like, she's probably going to be something like that, or maybe the dress.
And she's very, you know, she loves to show off and be on the video, loves to stare at herself. I mean, she's our child, for sure. Loves watching her own videos, loves to catch herself in the mirror and, like, keeps looking.
We're like, Yes, we know.
We get it.
You know, she's very entertained with the things that she does. I think she probably will do something like that. But my experience was so great.
You had a good experience.
I really did, and I started so young. And if she wants to.
What was your first gig? your first paying gig? how old were you?
Oh my gosh, I did so many barbie commercials. When I was little, I was like, the first barbie girl, yes, like, I was probably between five and seven.
And I did, like, ten Barbie commercials, actually. Yeah, I was talking about this the other day. I think we were talking about it on Kimmel because they wanted to see some of them. And I couldn't even like they don't even exist anymore, like they were that long ago.
But those were my first couple things, and then the first. I did. A TV miniseries where I played Felicity Huffman played my mom, Donald Sutherland played my grandpa, and Tim Matheson played my dad.
And I was five and I remember. The weird part is I remember every moment of it. I remember my mom taking me there, I remember my little schooling I had to do.
I remember going to set, I remember sitting on Felicity's lap, doing the scene, being told what to say and like, had like, the best. I mean, it was just, you know, I loved every second of it, so my experience was very good.
But my parents were amazing and they did it right, and I did, like a bunch of other things. I wasn't just acting. I think we talked about this last time.
I wasn't just acting, I was like, Okay, now you have your tennis lesson now, you're going to go to camp, now you're going to do this. So there was never like, I didn't get a job.
It wasn't like that for me, it wasn't that effective for me.
It's so good, I mean, it's fascinating. Like the times I've spoken to Ron Howard, and he had such success throughout his whole childhood. But clearly his parents were on the ball.
And same with Shirley Temple. You know, there's people whose parents are all over, and then, of course, there are parents that, unknowingly, but they're not, well, I know.
They're not well people, and we've talked to some. I mean, we were talking to Natasha Lyonne about it. She was saying it's funny. She wasn't blaming her parents. She was saying they did the best they could, but they weren't well. And she got a tough deal, you know?
And you just think about all these people whose parents are living through their kids, their own disappointments.
Yeah, that's really tough. I just did not have that experience. I was very, very lucky. So, you know, if that's what Matilda wants to do, I can't really tell her not to. Because I loved my experience so much. I can't be like, don't do that, don't do that because I loved it.
Eventually, they have to find their own way. Yeah, as long as you control their finances.
Right, oh yeah.
What?
Wait, what? Yeah, isn't that the whole point? Control their finances.
It sounded very aggressive for a second it did.
It sounded devious, actually, it did.
And evil.
I probably shouldn't have stroked my non-existent goatee when I said it. There's literally a dollar sign above your head right now, what's going on? You can see those, yes.
I didn't think anyone could see those.
The ones above your floor when I drove in.
I must control their finances.
We were chatting about you. I remember last time you came and you brought us these mugs. Yes, and then what I didn't realize at the time is mugs is like a fixation of yours. you love mugs.
I did bring you guys mugs, right? you brought us mugs.
They arrived after, Oh, you got them.
I never knew if they went into the abyss of mail.
No, no, no, the mugs are beautiful. That means we never thanked you and I'm sorry, so thank you.
Sorry, well, the mugs did say drop dead on them. it was just a weird thing. They were beautiful mugs, and it's so beautiful.
I still have mine, mine said never again, yours said never again, mine said drop dead, and yours said Never have children.
Oh my god, that's right, yes.
You all got the wrong ones, oh shit.
Yeah.
I was supposed to get never have children, yours was no children, yours is drop dead.
Drop dead is fine, that makes sense. Doesn't this make sense now?
You love mugs, but you need them to have a very hostile message on them.
Because it makes you happy and then immediately steals your joy.
It was sweet because you are among. I think Randall Park was the only other person to bring something, He brought whiskey, and we're not putting it out there that people need to bring something. Yes, we are, yes, we are.
Yeah, bring stuff, but these were like wonderful little equestrian mugs with chocolates in them, and it was so kind, Oh my gosh.
We still drink out of that mug to this day. How do we?
Yeah, oh my gosh, I'm so happy to know that they made it here.
My mug was sent to the Conor O'Brien Museum in Orlando, Florida. What else do they have there? It's your mug. Oh, it's Jesus.
There's not much, no, it's not a lot, it's a pillow that Al Roker leaned against. Oh, okay, 1994..
Some of my original pomade. Wow. It's not a well-visited museum, not a lot, not a lot of people go there.
No, but also they do a free lube job there. Whoa, whoa.
What?
Is that an oil change for cars? Oh, okay, oh. But also lubricating people that want sex whoa.
Wait, what did you mean? I thought you were talking about an oil change, yeah.
But you meant, okay, because you said, Lube job.
Yeah, both. okay, okay, yeah, yeah, so they're lubricating genitalia, well, they do both.
At your museum, yeah, at your museum, yeah. A Mazda Miata can come in.
Well, it's just a thing to try and get people to visit the museum. Yeah, it's in someone's basement. Wow, yeah.
We say it's a museum. look, it's just it's really more of a trap than a museum. Okay, but anyway, that's not important.
It's Orlando, check it out. Oh my god, honestly, it's Florida.
It doesn't surprise me at all.
The people in Florida know, and they're like, whatever.
It's fine.
It's fine, that makes sense. They're like, we got so much shit to deal with. Run your little fake museum trap your loop job.
Your loop job?
They don't care over there.
Like, we got real problems here.
They don't care over there. Oh man, I'm so glad you loved your mugs. I love coffee mugs, that's my love language.
You know what's interesting whenever I'm anywhere? That's my big weakness is, if I look in some of these travel shows that I've done over the years. I always want to find, is there a mug here? When I was on the DMZ, the line between North Korea and South Korea, I was like, Do you have any mugs? I mean, I'm just always looking for. They have a gift shop. To access the DMZ, you have to drive and either side of the road is mined.
It's filled with landmines. It's one of the craziest experiences I've ever had. And you drive along. And I went there with Steven Yeun and we get there. And there is a room that's half in South Korea, half in North Korea, and so we shot a little bit there. Where he did the weather from the window that looks out on South Korea, and I did the one that looks out on North Korea. But then there's a gift shop.
And you've never seen a gift shop like the one they have there all kinds of stuff. And I was just my main obsession was I've got to get a coffee mug.
That's what I do. I get the coffee mugs from wherever we go, I also make a ton. I put pictures on them and give them as gifts. I'm obsessed with that.
So hotels and stuff make me crazy because the mugs are always small, like cappuccino mugs.
This is a mug, that's a good mug. I love this mug. I don't know someone gave me this mug.
I wish I could remember, or maybe I found it, I can't remember, but anyway, this is the correct size.
He's holding a well-sized mug in his hand.
Yes, I have large hands, I'm a large man and I need a big mug, yes, and this is the right size.
And I know what you mean, those little. What is that? A shot of coffee?
So I have to travel with my mugs, and I travel with my coffee makers.
That's crazy.
Well, I have it, I brought it here.
So if you have a choice between, if you didn't have what I wanted. If you have a choice between bringing your daughter or your special mugs, you leave your daughter at a motel. A thousand percent.
I need my mugs because I need my coffee to deal with her.
Are these ceramic mugs? would these break? or are they travel mugs?
I pack them very nicely, or I'll make sure I have one when I arrive. I'm a real diva, you guys, when I travel.
Yeah.
I have mugs.
You can't call you mama.
Hey mama, don't you dare? Where's your mug, mama?
Don't you dare? Will you send someone out for some taco bell really quick?
I know.
I have this whole facade of being really easy, breezy, but not at all.
Do you still have the craving for the taco bell?
I love Taco Bell.
Sona I freaking love taco Bell When Sona was working full time as my assistant. I remember how often. We'd be driving around and we would pass a sign for taco, we'd pass a taco bell. And you would always say the same thing. You'd be like, I could murder me some taco bell right now, and then you would go through the whole menu, yeah.
But I love that it was very aggressive, I could go in there and massacre some taco bell, yes.
I love Taco Bell, too.
I do, too, and we're not getting paid right now. By Taco Bell, you don't tiptoe around Taco Bell, you do you devour it?
You do murder it.
Yes, you murder it.
That's what it's there for, you know, because it's going to murder you. Later. Exactly, I had an incision made in my body that can be open where you can just push the taco. Yeah, and the doctor said, 50-50 chance you die from this operation.
But it's worth it. And then the doctor said, Is this so you can shove Taco Bell directly into your? And I said, Yes, and he said, we've done many of these and I put it in with the wrapping, it doesn't matter.
With the wrapping, Yeah, you're savage.
I am savage.
You are, you're living on the edge, the wrapping, the wrapping.
Why don't you just unwrap it? This is my Taco Bell port.
You might want to get an MRI.
Yeah.
Or get it checked out.
Those things are expensive. I don't know, I've been in a lot of pain, but I'm not going to-.
KaYlee, I have a question, did you do a lot of improv when you were studying, acting or preparing? or did you? Just never is this just you?
Never.
You're one of the best. Yes-,Anders, you are just that's sweet, no, but you really are. that's sweet. You're very fun.
And so I always thought, Oh, Kaylee must have started out doing improv. That is so nice, like so many people I talk to.
That is so nice. No, I'm not like a I'm not a comedian. I didn't take that path. I never did improv. I took one acting class when I was 10 years old.
Did I already tell this story? I feel like I probably did okay, I don't think so okay.
I don't think so. And you know what, I've told so many stories so many times over about my career in porno, so yeah, everyone knows the story.
We know that story very well. Yeah, no. I took one acting class when I was 10 years old, and it was a bunch of kids my age. And I had to do a scene. And the acting teacher said to me in front of all my peers, you will not make it, she said. You act, you are a pots and pans actor, is what we call someone like you.
I was 10.
And what she meant by that was I was messy, not sophisticated. That was what she said to me. And I went home and I bawled my eyes out, I mean, I could cry.
Now it's really PTSD. And my mom, I said, I'm not going back to that class, and she goes, Yeah, you're going to finish the class. I was like, please don't make me go back.
I don't want to go back, she thinks. I'm so bad. I suck. I suck. my mom made me go back.
I ended up finishing the class, it was like a few months, whatever I had to do, I never took another class again. But that woman, yeah, literally said that to me. And from that point on, I've never forgotten that. Because I actually do think I am that kind of actor in a way.
But in a way, I think that was like a good thing, yeah, but she was not thinking that was a good thing.
Do you know we had a couple? People like Harrison Ford has come on here and had a similar experience with Jerry Takofsky, Jerry Takofsky. Who else came? Do you want to name this Tracee Ellis Ross?
Tracee, Ellis, Ross, Lindsay Porter.
Wow, how do you remember her name?
I just do, you know, it's funny. We talk about these things because I always a secret mission of mine in this podcast. Mostly it's just to have fun. But if I had a theme that I like to pursue, it's a little inspirational for people listening. Which is, it's good for people to hear from you that you were told no. And we've had so many people come in here who've had these incredible careers and they share these stories. And I think it's good for people to know that.
It's good for people also to know that some of that insecurity and some of that doesn't go away later on. Oh, no, just because you've had a lot of success, it's still there.
That actually drives me now because I laugh, I'm like, I am kind of like that, like, I have created my own way and that's completely fine. But I definitely was told that I was terrible a long, long time ago and that I would never make it, and that I wasn't sophisticated enough to like, you know?
And then, you know, it's interesting because you have this, you know, crazy success with Big Bang theory. And I've heard you say that when that was over, you thought, Well, I guess that's it. You know, people will see me on the street for the rest of my life and say, Oh, hi, Penny, how are you doing? And your career since then has been you shape-shifting in all these cool ways?
Yeah.
You know whether it's like the flight attendant or like in role play. You do these things where you get to do light comedy, but also you get to be very serious or wounded, or put through the ringer. And you do that beautifully. And so now I feel like you've carved out this space where no one could say.
Thank you.
You're, that's okay. We'll let you know, Miss Sitcom when we need you. That's so sweet, but you know what I mean?
Thank you, thank you. I mean, I laugh. If I was known as Penny for the rest of my life, I'm more than fine with that. It was like one of the best experiences.
It got me to where I am literally right now. It was amazing and I learned so much on that show and had a blast. Yeah, I kind of thought that, too. I'm like, Well, maybe I'll do sitcoms forever, and by the way, I love doing sitcoms.
I love the schedule, I love an audience, so I wasn't. I had nothing against it. And then when I found flight attendant, I'm like, Oh, maybe I could do this like people might. I don't know if they're going to believe I can do it, but I think I can do it.
And then kind of created, I wanted to do that drama, but also bring in. I always have to add a little, you know, a little comedy in there. And we kind of turned it into that and kind of formed our own little tone, and that's what I've run with.
Yeah, I was saying the same thing watching the movie that you just did, where I thought there are really fun, funny moments. But then there are also moments where I don't know is someone getting killed right now? Yeah, and I love that the that's the era that I think a whole generation has come up with.
Yeah, which is we don't. And there's so many amazing shows like Breaking Bad that were could be hilariously funny and comical. Brian Cranston in his tighty whities, you know, yelling while his meth lab blows up. So many great comedy moments. And then some of, like, the deepest pathos that I've seen.
That's everywhere now.
I know, I know it's so crazy, I can't believe how long I've been doing this. I mean, truly.
You're 77 years old.
I'm 77.
And I want to thank you for your service in the Korean War. I'm 3,000 months old. I think you were there. You were at the DMZ long before they had a gift shop and God blessed you for it.
I have been around.
I have been around.
The work you did to get Dwight Eisenhower elected puts you in rare company.
Yes, really rare company. No. It's like, God, I've been doing this so long. At this point now. I just want to work with people I love to work with, I want to have fun.
I want to do jobs that are fun. I mean, dude, when I heard, I got to come back.
Did you just call me, dude?
Yeah.
Okay, that's it.
Listen, I'm 3,000 months old, okay, I'm trying to get back with the young kids.
We speak in months now. I was about to give you a compliment, Oh, are we? You're getting a note? Am I fired?
For you to hand me this note.
Well, what was I supposed to do? I don't know. How am I supposed to? He looked at me then, like, give me that note.
Oh my god, I'm so embarrassed right now.
I just got this note from Adam Secks You're not coming across as very masculine.
Why did you just notice that now? I did ask him to tell me, please, I want to look super masculine all the time. How is that not a note every show that we do?
Every single recording, I would give you that note, that's fine, okay, I'm sorry, you're like a total dude.
It wouldn't be great if I got notes constantly throughout.
Just constantly sliding across the table. What I just witnessed was appalling.
I know, no, I like it, I love getting past that.
I was in the middle of giving you a compliment and you guys are talking over here.
Can I say something? Adam and Matt, they root against me? Yeah, I know they saw me getting this probably compliment, and then they throw that over there.
Let's tell him he could butch it up a bit.
We're talking a lot about it. I was going to write, She's lying.
This is the funniest part of the interview. Oh my God, I do want to bring something up, which is, I am a dog lover. You are a dog lover and a cat tolerator.
We have two cats, but the cats and I do love cats. I grew up with a little cat. When I was a kid. I asked my parents, Could I have a cat? They let me have a cat.
Even though we were six kids and it was madness in the house. My parents were nice enough to drive me to the animal shelter and I got a little white cat that I named pebbles.
Obviously.
And was ridiculed for years. But that was my cat, big part of my life. Now we have two cats that live with us and they just don't like me.
I know it's so frustrating.
And they are so affectionate with my wife, they're like crawling all over her and looking at me. And every now and then, even though it's hard because they just have paws, they'll give me the finger. Cats know they know.
They know cats know, screw you, but we also have. We have had a succession of dogs. I love dogs.
Oh, what do you have now?
We have a golden and his name is Loki, and our kids named him when he was a puppy because he was mischievous. And they said, Oh, that's the Norse God of....
Oh my gosh.
And he's lived up to his name, but he is pretty much all we talk about in the house. And I have two kids who are fascinating, multidimensional people. But I come home and I'm like, What did Loki do today? I know?
And it's all we talk about.
I know.
But I know this is a big part of your life.
First of all, I would love to send you. I just came out with a pet line, so I want to send you all of our products.
What's the pet line?
It is all eco-friendly dog products, and it's we're doing shampoos, we're doing snacks that's coming out soon, we're doing wipes for the paws.
We're doing, we're doing teeth cleaning.
Because the food makes a big difference, I know that's. Another thing, too, is, you know, I grew up a long time ago and no one thought about this. It was just, you know, you just. Here's the dog chow.
I know, and you would just put things in their bowl and then you realize it's terrible how much of a difference it makes.
I know it really does. No, I'm excited about it. I mean, obviously anyone that knows me. I'm a huge animal lover. We have five dogs.
Right now, you have five. Yes, that's all we talk about. We talk about our dogs more than we talk about our kid. She's like Mowgli.
Yeah.
She literally thinks she's, I'm not joking. What's weird is like she doesn't notice when they crawl on her. Like, I almost think there's like, she is sociopathic, like she just she's like one of them.
She never notices them because they've always just been there, right? Like, she just sits there and they sit with her and there's no difference. It's like she's a baby wolf.
But I think that could be really good. She'll probably never stand.
By the way, refuses.
She'll run through the woods on all fours.
When did your? Now? We're jumping all over the place, that's okay. My child will not stand or crawl or do anything that requires any effort whatsoever. But if she's in her walker, she's like a Ferrari around the house, but doesn't want to do any effort other than that.
Right, won't stand, won't do anything. Should I be concerned?
I'm jealous because ours was early, to the point of like, she was like a roomba that just had to get out of the house and create havoc.
Oh my god, how many months when she was crawling?
One, I mean, she just went early. No, I'm kidding, it was she crawled out.
She did, she crawled out of your wife.
She crawled out.
She walked out, standing out of your wife, chipped a cap and said, Top of the morning to y'all. She's been early with everything, but in a kind of like, she's just too clever, she's too clever. So I would say, don't worry. I mean, you take this however you want.
I was very late to stand. I was a very late to stand and talk, how late, very late, how late.
1992.
Oh no, yeah, I remember, yeah.
I remember it was towards the end of cheers. I was 9,600 months. No, I was in my 30s, and I stood and said, Now that's a sitcom. You walked out on the late night show in a walker, one of the baby walkers.
Yeah, one of those little things that you're suspended and a bouncy thing. But you know, it's good. Because I had a Zweibach's cookies and orange juice on the little trays around me on the circuit, and I was like, welcome to the show, everybody.
I'm taking over for Letterman. Hey, look, a cookie.
Chomp, chomp.
Wow, Well, I won't be worried. Then. No, don't worry about it, she's had plenty of time.
There are all those stories about Einstein, all the great people, including myself.
I didn't walk until they were 19.
I'm Einstein, people do compare you to Einstein. I get that a lot, I've heard that a lot, yeah.
Well, just about aging poorly.
Nothing about intellect. aging poorly, and I own some land in Princeton, New Jersey, that's about it.
Oh my god, you guys are ruining my botox again.
Like last time.
I should have gone tomorrow, not yesterday, and I knew it. I hear all this cracking.
This isn't even my face.
Tectonic plates are cracking.
I'm going to start getting shit done. I'm going to get some shit done. This eye vein under my eye has to go. No, it's got to go.
I love you just the way you are I was looking at.
That's not what the note you just passed.
It says aging badly. Yes, on that note, he's about to pass me. I'm going to say something different to make myself look good, but read this note.
Oh my god.
Tell me the name of your line, because I want to get the word out, Oh Norman. Oh Norman. Yes, I know this, because that's named after your late dog.
Yes, my beloved dog, Norman died a few years ago, but I had him for 14 years. And I named my production company after him too. So it's, yes, Norman Productions. And then, oh, Norman is the pet line I know, so it's in his name.
We love our dogs.
Well, a friend of mine. I have a really good friend, Charlotte Bain, and she's very knowledgeable about dogs. And she was talking to me about, Oh, Norman a while ago. Yeah, she has a website called The Brew that is all things dogs. But every day she's at our house talking to us because she helps us take care of our we had to. One of them passed, but I think we're getting another dog too.
I just have to, I love just I also. I think it's because I grew up as one of six kids and my grandmother lived with us and there were animals around. There was just chaos. And my family unit is much smaller, there's four of us, one's away at college.
And so I just want more. I like, I love it when the dog's running through the room, a cat's jumping on the chandelier. Yes, my wife's swinging a broom at me. I don't know why she's holding a broom.
I've never seen her use a broom.
Do you guys have a broom?
You've never seen it, no? We bought a broom just so she could swing it at me, she could swing it at you, yeah.
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