Off To The Ice Follies

Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcocoa.com. slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started.

Hi Terri, welcome to Conan. O'Brien needs a fan.

Hello, how are you doing? Hi, Conan?

Hey Terri, how are you?

I'm good, I'm good.

All right, you are coming to us, Terri, from a gym, and I'm told it's a boxing gym. this is your gym.

Yes, my gym, boxing gym, yeah.

Very impressive, looks very much like a gym where one would box. So your story so far? Checks out.

You get an a.

So you teach boxing and you're also a promoter of fights, is that correct?

Yes, I do. I've been doing that for quite a while, the promotions, but I train fighters and run a gym. It's an interesting career.

And it's called Buckhead Fight club. Is this Buckhead in Georgia?

Yeah, it's kind of like the Atlanta Financial District, sure. We're also on an area that's really diverse, so we got all the great ethnic foods here, plus all the money.

Terrific.

Oh yeah, for sure, definitely.

Talk to me about-.

It's a science in and out.

Okay, talk to me about what do you need to know about me, about my potential as a boxer?

Well, you're already tall, which definitely helps.

Why does that help?

For people that are really tall, well, it's kind of like, if you're playing baseball and you got a little bitty short bat, or you got a long bat, you know the ball is going to go further with a long bat. Yeah, yeah, so it actually has more power.

I've got very fast twitch muscles, everything about me is fast, quick, and so I think I would have a quick, powerful punch.

Oh, that makes it hard. Yeah, that makes it a hard punch.

Now, what about hand-eye coordination? Is that important?

It is important.

Well, this is over, this conversation is done. It's been nice talking to you. No? So, hand-eye coordination very important. I could probably develop that.

Well, we say, in boxing, you know, never judge a book by its cover. So you can have all the muscle in the world and you can be horrible, or you can have no muscle and be amazing. So it really doesn't matter about the muscle, but if you have some muscle-.

Yeah, Sky's the limit, Conan.

You know, punch out there, you're in good shape.

You know, usually when people look at me and say, Well, don't judge a book by its cover, I get insulted. But I'm deciding not to. Now, I'm deciding to take that as a compliment.

That's a compliment.

Yeah, how long would it take me to learn?

To hold you now.

I just turned 60.

It takes a little time.

I just turned 60.

Yeah, okay, I would probably give it a few years, Yeah, at least.

Well, I only have a few half each.

So he's 64 before he even knows how to box at all.

Well, there are, you know, nowadays, I mean, boxing's changed so much. You got Jake Paul and TikTok fighters. And now there's this thing where you can just slap somebody. You know, there's like a sport where you just slap them and knock them out.

I just want to slap people.

You just want to be like a 17th century Dandy.

With a white glove just slapping, Yeah, you got to get that in a month.

Exactly, Terry. I want to have some gloves that I take off and I slap them with the gloves and then my henchmen and bodyguards move in and I'm protected.

You want to challenge people to a duel, but then never have the duel.

Yes, thank you.

Right, right.

You also want to do the old tai chi? Oh, I love the old tai chi style.

Yeah, is that in any way effective? How come that went away? why did that go away?

Yeah, why did that old time?

I was obsessed with old white Irish boxers.

Yeah, like this. And so what is what was? Is that a? If a modern boxer went into the ring and fought Floyd Mayweather and was using that style, what would happen?

He would probably not last too long.

Like fencing.

So that's how they would box, you know, it's about touching them. Yeah, I had a Hungarian fighter one time who told me he had like a thousand amateur fights. I'm like, I would be dead by now, but he said, No. Mike Tyson ruined boxing, you know, with all the power shots and knocking people out.

Yeah, no. Before Mike Tyson came along, he was a beard, all right, and then he came along and changed everything.

No, well, I did fight too before I did all that stuff, so I used to be like, in law enforcement. So I was a drug investigator. And then I, you know, stumbled into boxing and just kind of left everything behind for that.

You said you were a drug investigator. does that mean that you were? What were you doing exactly? Were you in an office or were you out on the streets trying to investigate these drug related crimes?

Well, yeah, like, you know, you'd work undercover. Oh, you worked undercover.

Oh, sick, wait a minute, that's badass. That's incredible. You worked undercover and so tell me about that.

Did you wear Hawaiian shirts and draw tattoos on and walk around going? I'm a Yeah, I'm a tough guy.

It didn't work for Atlanta, so.

Okay, yeah.

I look like a hip hop person now.

Oh, okay, yeah, no, I think you'd be shot immediately by the dealers and the police.

Hey friends, we can all get along, let's not take drugs and let's not shoot.

A priest would shoot you, everyone would be shooting at you, little children would be shooting at you.

I had it covered.

So terry, was that ever scary going undercover and dealing with drug?

Sometimes, like, I remember one time I had a wig on and they knew I was the police. And then another time when. Like, the first time that I bought, I was trying to buy some drugs, I was trying to buy meth. And the guy that we were buying it from, he was like, shooting up while we were talking to him.

What do you do in that situation? can you pretend to take it, like, can you pretend to inject yourself? What did you do?

You can't, really. I just said, I couldn't. I was like, Oh, I gotta go to work.

But free meth take it easy.

He was like, Nah, nah, you know, you're the cop, so, but it was definitely awkward.

So the two one you just told us two stories where immediately people knew you weren't legit. This is why you're a boxing promoter, I'm guessing that's why you changed careers. I mean, first of all, was your wig on like halfway, and did it have a string around the chin that was holding it on?

My name's Zelda.

Excuse me, my, pardon me, my wig is falling off.

Shirley Temple Wig.

That's hilarious.

No, I mean, really, I guess what I'm saying. I could probably put you on a good show in like three months, what you could do a white collar boxing show.

So that means I'm fighting businessmen.

Yeah, what does that mean? Yeah, that's exactly what that means.

Tell me what a white collar fight is? is this like fight club? What's happening?

Yeah, well, not quite. That's a little bit rougher, the fight club stuff. But so a long time, like in 2010, I started promoting a boxing show where business people would raise money, they'd box each other, raise money for charity, and it would be a lot of business people boxing.

Okay, but I like this idea of fighting white collar people. Yeah, I wanna fight very wealthy old billionaires, yeah, and just, I mean, people that are way too old to be fighting. Yeah, I'll fight Warren Buffett.

Yeah, Rupert Murdoch.

RuPERT MuRDoCh I'll take on Rupert Murdoch. People just staring death in the face already. Yeah, exactly. And every time I hit them, hundreds of thousands of dollars falls out of their shorts. every time I, I just keep hitting them.

Every punch is money. Yeah, yeah.

You know what's funny? Yeah, put me in a cage fight where I can punch, but I also wanna be able to slap. And it's me. Versus all billionaires, and the billionaires have to be over 85..

Yeah.

And they-.

You can just slap them, though.

What if you still lost, though?

I know, trust me, cut to Warren Buffett, cleaning my cloth, just holding me by the throat and pounding my face, and me shrieking. And then he leaves and gets that hamburger he eats every day. Wow, this is, you're a quite an impressive person, I have to tell you that.

Oh well, it's just a fun job, really. Yeah, exciting.

And how did you come to hear about our podcast? Were you listening to it or?

Oh yeah, I've been following it for a while, but especially during Covid, that's when you guys carried me through. So, oh, thank, we're glad every one of you.

We hear that from a lot of people.

I listened to Paul McCartney, I love that one now. Oh, he was great. But yeah, I've been following you guys for a while and I watched your show when you were on the late night television. I watched all that well, thank you.

Thanks a lot.

Do you think I know you could make him a boxer? but do you think you could make him an undercover narcotics officer?

You could totally do that, what?

At a nightclub, Oh, I could do that. Well. He, here's the problem. in a nightclub, here's the problem.

At a nightclub?

People already think, always think I'm wearing an ill-fitting wig and that's my real hair. So I think I'd get a lot of that, but I mean, that would be. The question is, could I go undercover?

Maybe you could go undercover.

I think you might be recognized.

As Conan, you're Conan, but they don't know that you're working for the man, like when Elvis was working for Nixon.

That's right, they would just think it's cool, it'd be real easy for you to get them by. I don't know.

I mean, even if you weren't famous.

You've got a narky kind of thing about you.

Yeah, you sure do. You're very narky. Do I think? Kind of narky to you? I mean, Terry? I know we don't mean that in a derogatory way because you were a nark for a long time.

Thank you.

Thank you Terry. Thank you, Terry, Nark. you just got narked. you got narked by a nark.

Yeah, like, I watched the video of you with Ice Cube and you guys were taking the intern to get her license.

Yep, yep, yep.

Yeah, Kevin Hart, and I was thinking you were a nark in that.

Yeah, I think Kevin and Ice Cube both thought I was a nark, too.

I want to hear this, Terry, could you be a drug dealer? and Conan, you're undercover and you're going to try to buy drugs from Terry?

Okay, I'll try that. Are you okay? Are you ready to role play this? Terry? You're a drug dealer? okay, you're in Atlanta and you're in a tough section of town, okay?

I don't give out a name.

Ooh.

Ooh, nice, Well, my name is Pierre. Oh, no.

Oh man.

I'm here for the meth, I gotta have some meth.

Right, and legally, you can only bust, I can only. Oh, I forgot where we were. You can only buy it from me. If you're not the cops, if you're not the cops, are you the cops?

Well, by cops, do you mean those flat feet? do you mean those guys that ride around in the cherry tops?

Who's this guy? Who's your friend? Oh, hello there pal? What's your name? My name's the No, my name's knuckles.

Hey knuckles, what a stupid 1940s cliche for a name. Oh, really.

I'm Knuckles III. It was my grandpa's name.

All right, well, that's usually a name that's passed down. I'm talking to this dealer here, this lovely woman who says she won't give her name. And she's asking if I have one of those flat feet, you know, one of those tin badges.

Something smells like bacon.

I'll try any meth-a-roo you have on you.

Take this, it's in a silly straw, a silly straw. Okay, I'll prove it.

I'll take that stuff right now. Where is it? Oh, here it is. Oh, very good. I'll just open this packet and I'll just take out what I'm carrying, which is two pieces of Ezekiel bread.

This guy's rough, this guy's hardened.

I'm spreading it out onto the first level, there we go on one piece and I have a little meth sandwich that's high and rough.

Hey Pierre, you want to join our gang?

Well, maybe I will, maybe I won't. You're gonna eat the meth tonight, I'm in the ice follies, so I'm a little busy. Chomp, chomp, chomp.

He's cool, Terry, you can sell him, he checks out.

What do you think, Terry?

Sold sold.

All right now I have bad news for you. I am aforementioned flat foot what you got me, yes, lock me up.

I've never been so impressed.

Oh, I don't have those cool handcuffs, just these crappy ties they use now, those are glad bag ties. They don't really work. And you have no backup, no, and no backup.

Hey, are you Conan O'Brien?

What about knuckles?

Knuckles, I don't know.

Knuckles help me out here.

Knuckles Seems something doesn't seem right about knuckles.

Here, hop on my tandem bicycle, let's get out of here.

Oh good, it's a bicycle built for three.

Let's all get out of here, okay, good.

Ring a bell, you guys want to go to the ice follies?

Yes, off to the ice follies.

Ring ring, ring ring, Terri, this was the stupidest 15 minutes of your life, I'm guessing, in the last couple of years. And you have us to thank for it.

You know, it's funny, I actually did. One time when I bought drugs from somebody. They asked me if I was law enforcement. I said no, They said, Are you the police? I'm like, No.

Because is that true, or is that just a TV myth?

No, it's not true. I saw him in court and I was like, Guess what? Oh, Terri, do you get?-?

You know what I would have said? They told us at the academy that I'm not.

I've always wondered, how nervous do you get before a sting?

Oh, you know, early on I'd get real nervous. We'd be like 10 guys in a big van to go to a search warrant with like helmets and riot gear. I'd be like, everybody's just drinking their coffee. You know, I would be a little nervous. After three years, you're not so nervous anymore.

It's a life I can relate. Because, you know, sometimes I'd, you know, like Al Roker would be on the show, and it's like I've interviewed him before, but it's-.

Not the same.

You don't want to talk about weather or the Thanksgiving Day parade, but I have to get up for it. So I'm sitting there with my sidekick and we're drinking coffee. It's embarrassing to even compare the two. Well, I'm just saying that both of us, in a way, have put ourselves on the line.

One has and one hasn't.

Well, one with, you know, real danger, and one more comedically, which is in some ways more dangerous. Terry, it was really nice talking to you and seriously thank you so much for.-.

It's my pleasure.

For being a fan and you seem like a very cool person. And I would love. I would love to get some tips someday because, oh yeah, I get some school-.

You look like you'd box like tall guys, good at boxing.

All right, I'm going to do it really good, thank you, Terry.

Look out, Warren Buffett.

My pleasure, bye-bye.

Conan O'Brien needs a fan with Conan O'Brien. Sonam Ovsessian and Matt Gourley Produced by Me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs. Nick Liao and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.