"Andy Richter: LIVE in Chicago”

Okay, so, please, no flash. Is our mic even on? No, but in an accent, though, but in an accent. Wait, tell them to turn on your mic. Can you turn on Sean's mic?

He's going to do an announcement real quick. Yeah, let's get Mike's. Let's get Sean's. Okay, here we go. Welcome to Chicago.

He just told me your mic's on. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay, so, Sean, you, well, you're from here, so you, Sean, use it. Here we go. Sean, you go.

So in an accent? Yeah, in an accent. so they don't think it's you. Okay, so. Any accent.

Welcome to Chicago. Something like that. Yeah, and then what else are you going to tell them? And then no flash, photography. Right, and what else?

And your fucking cell phone's away. Yeah. I think I can hear an echo, like you might already be on. And stop, oh. Oh, my mic's on?

Well, then, you know what we have to say. Oh. Welcome to Smartland.

Smart. Land. Hello, Chicago! Welcome to Chicago!

Wait, can we see?

Woo! What were you thinking?

Oh, wow.

As Will might say, you've made a horrible mistake. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's not the line, but fine. Terrible, terrible.

It's been a few years. Not the line either. Huge. Huge. Huge mistake.

Okay. Got it. For those of you who might not know or even care, I'm actually from here. Wow.

We literally just ate Portillo's. I'm not kidding. Oh. Yeah.

Because I had a coffee on top of it. It's just, it's a bad science experiment. Anyway, thank you for being here and coming out tonight. It means the world to us and we're going to sit down now. Yeah.

Do you want me to throw up some of my Gas-X in your mouth?

Yeah, no. Gross.

Before the show, you know, and Jason, who hasn't had anything but a salad for the last, you know, four and a half years, it's tough on your system.

I might need a stitch later. Oh, no. Wow. Your stomach's like, what is this coming at me? Right.

Wait, so I want to share a couple stories from my childhood, since I grew up here. I can't remember how much of my mom's eye I told you about. Yeah. Oh, I know. Bliss it.

This is going to be, forgive me if you've heard this, but I don't think I've said this before on the podcast. So this sums up my mom in like one quick story. She was the greatest mom ever. I love her so much. She's since passed away.

Sure, death. Clap for death. And she had a really dark sense of humor. So at two years old, she had cancer, so she had one of her eyes taken out. And she, you know, growing up, she had to keep resizing the eye.

I'm not laughing at cancer or anything. I'm laughing because my family, we would laugh, because otherwise you'd cry. So we made fun of it and she would make fun of it, whatever. But hang on a second. What happens if you do not stay current with resizing the eye?

Great question. Great question. Will it fall out with a sudden move? No. Well, your face would grow as you grow, but the eye would stay tiny.

Right. So it might fall out. It might fall out. If you do not resize it. Right.

Right. So as she grew older, and then she had the five kids and my dad left. You know all that story when I was five and then my mom raised all five of us by herself. No, they remember all these hilarious stories.

And he didn't really leave. He put it in drive and punched it. I think is what it was. Yeah. It was a tire screech.

Okay. Right? So.

I also have a masturbation story that I want to get to. Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, so. By the way, tonight, on a very special smart list.

What the hell? Okay. So, my mom then, so she raised five kids by herself and then to kind of give back when I had some extra money and I became a tiny bit successful, I was like, mom, I want to buy the house from you that we grew up in, and the one next to it and the on the other side, knock all three down and build you a house. And that's what I did, which was fantastic. She deserved it.

Right. And so and so tore our entire family apart. But anyway, so.

I love how much joy you get out of your own pain.

If you don't laugh, you'll cry. So then, so then, so this sums up my mom. So I put her in a condo while the house was being built. And then I wanted to do like a big like reveal. Right.

And so the house is being built. It took like a year and a half. And I furnished the whole, like all new furniture, like silverware and like art on the walls and sheets of like. the whole thing was just turnkey. And so she, I have that big move, that bus moment.

Right. And so she. Right. So she came in. So we're all there.

The whole family's there behind the door. And she comes in the door and she immediately starts. She cries her eye out. And she is like, she's like, oh, my God, this is incredible. There was only one dry eye in the house.

And it wasn't real.

So. OK. So anyway. So then she walks in. She walked in.

She's crying her eye out. And she walks in and she goes, she's touching everything. She's like, oh, my God, nobody's ever done anything like this for me in my entire life. I don't know that I would have picked out that couch.

And that's my mom. Yeah. Oh.

Yeah. And. Oh, my God. My sister. My sister.

You better get on your knee if you're going to propose to me. My sister brought. That's not her eye. No, no. That's my sister.

My sister brought that gift for you guys today. Is that it? If that's her eye. Is it an eye?

Oh, my God. Please let it be the eye. Oh.

It's a very pretty eye. She looks like she may, when she got fitted for this, she may have been a little stoned or just finished a long lap in a pool. Well, not my mom. Nope. Anyways.

That's so nice. Isn't that nice? That's so good. Let's make sure we remember where that is. All right.

I'm surprised it's not a ball. Well, it's an eye. I know, but aren't our eyes like round? Like, what did that, it's just like a cap. What would it stick to, I wonder?

Well, she had like, I don't know.

But you know, there's a little. Maybe like muscle and stuff. It's not like a. Maybe, it was like a ping pong. and then they put that on top of the ping pong ball.

No. No. There was a little tiny, I'm not even kidding, a little tiny plunger suction cup and she'd go and pull it out to clean it. So she would take it out and clean it? Yes.

Yes. Hang on a second. And then wait. Of course. Of course.

And then, and then, when she would go out bowling on Thursdays, I said this on the podcast, we would have friends come over and knock on the door and there was a chain and we'd open the door with the eye and we'd go, who's there?

Oh.

I did. I said in the car today, we were driving in from the airport and I said, or maybe it was on the car, on the plane and I said, I really wish that I had met your mom. She would have loved you guys. We would have loved her, because we love you more than anybody. She was the best.

She was the best. Yeah. All right. So. Isn't Sean Hayes the greatest?

Come on.

What did I say today? You make me, what did I say? I said something remarkably nice and I. On the plane, you did. It was really sweet.

Well, we'll remember later. It was so sweet, you could, you forgot it.

For my guest tonight, guys, this is exciting. Right. I forgot. Yeah, yeah. I wanted to get, I wanted to get someone who has some Chicago roots and who's a friend to us three, right?

Wait, we know this person. You know this person. This fellow went to University of Illinois and Columbia College. You might know it as soon as I say it. He was in the original cast of the Real Live Brady Bunch back in the 90s, which is one of the funniest things I ever saw.

He has since appeared in parts alongside Will Ferrell in Elf, Talladega Nights, and even appeared in one of my all-time favorite TV shows that had his name in the title. Who? Now, he may not have had his own talk show with his own name in the title yet, but he's the biggest reason Conan O'Brien did. It's Andy Richter!

Andy!

Hi! Hi, buddy! No! This guy! No!

Andy Richter! Hi, buddy! How are you? Hi! Hi, everybody!

Andy Richter!

I was just, I was talking about him, right? By the way, all we do is talk about you. That's true. So I was like, oh, I gotta keep it in, I gotta keep it in. And today, Andy tweeted out, and I read it to Sean.

when we landed here. Andy tweeted out, he said, does anybody know a watch that's appropriate for fisting? because I'm trying to make summer plans?

And I thought, well, that's a great tweet. Yeah, I mean, I'm traveling. Sure. It makes me think of traveling. I'm thinking this summer, what can I do with myself?

Sure. Single now. So sure. Sure. You know.

Solomon, Giorgio, who's a stand-up, a really funny stand-up, said, which hand are you going to be using? And I said, probably the left, because I want to keep the right free for the TV remote. Sure. Sure. Wow.

Always multitasking. I know, I know. You might want to hang out around Belmont after this, but anyway. How nice of you to come out here and join us, Andy. I was thrilled to be asked.

This is so exciting. Sean asked, and I was really, I was actually kind of lucky because I was like, you know, I've listened to this podcast. I'm sorry. No, it's okay. I'm really sorry.

It's okay. You can do double speed, you know. I'm unemployed, so I have a lot of time on my hands. But no, I really was like, after you asked me, I was about to text, like, hey, guys, I'm going to, and I was like, oh, no, idiot. It's supposed to be a fucking surprise.

Yeah. All right. But did Smarty Pants tell you it's a surprise? Yes, he did. Did he help you with it?

Not in the initial text. No, and then I forgot. I was like, oh, God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right?

And then you said, you sent the funniest text back. I wish I had my phone. I said, hey, if you want to chat about anything, like, beforehand, and you're like, oh, I can't wait to read some of my poetry. I said, yeah. You said, you said, you know, you want to know a little bit about what we'll talk about.

And I said, well, first, I'm only talking about my poetry.

This crowd loves it. Yep. And secondly, I need at least 10 minutes to promote my new 24-year-old girlfriend, Leilani's vegan jewelry. Oh, good. Do we have a website on that?

A web address? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. We're bringing a screen in. We've got a whole multimedia.

Maybe you can sell the jewelry in the lobby when Sean comes here to do that. play. All right. You're coming here to do a play? I couldn't hear you.

What's the name of it? They couldn't either. Yeah. Yeah, I'm planning on doing a play. Anyway, good.

Speaking of jewelry, have you seen Sean's new jewelry line?

Oh, wow. Yeah, it's nice, right? Yeah. Wait, wait, wait. Wow, that is weird.

So, Andy, you're from here. When's the last time you were here? Do you ever jerk off in front of this?

Answer him. I mean, it's a natural. We were all thinking it.

So gross. Wait, when is the last time you were here? In Chicago? Thanksgiving. My daughter and I came out for Thanksgiving.

Wait, but you didn't grow up? I mean, you weren't born here, but you kind of... No, everybody's out in the western suburbs now.

My sister and my brothers are here with their families. But where did you grow up? I grew up in Yorkville. Oh, okay. Yorkville?

Yeah. It's kind of out by Aurora, you know, that way. It's all right. It's okay. Yeah, it's all right.

I mean, it's getting better, you know.

It's... They have a Portillo's? No, I don't think they do have a Portillo's, but they have a water park now, which they didn't used to have. Oh, man, I bet it's nice right now. And that town...

You get a deal on it, though. The two, you know, like, probably most famous people out of Yorkville, are me and Dennis Hastert. So... Wow. Yeah.

It's a mixed bag. Great company. It's a mixed bag. You know, you say you were here at Thanksgiving. This will always be the iconic place for any sort of winter holiday because of the John Hughes films, for me.

Nothing says winter cozy holiday than Chicago and the suburbs of it. I just... I fantasize about that. Because, you know, it's like 79 on Christmas in L.A. It's like you want to blow your brains out.

Yeah, I know. It's 79 years old. No, seriously, it's depressing. To sweat on Christmas? No.

No. These unbelievable coastal elites, right? I mean...

You know... Right. I'm Canadian. You guys are from Chicago. And then these guys with their...

Anyway, it's a bunch of BS.

No, you're right. You're absolutely right. It does suck. When you grew up, you know, growing up, you're one of the funniest people, who, I feel like, really hasn't gotten that huge opportunity to kind of have your own thing. Yes.

I'm very handsy, so every job I get, I usually get kicked out. I know what you mean, though, Sean. You're the quickest. You're maybe one of the quickest people ever of all time. But that's like...

Because of improv, right? Improv Olympics. Talk us through how you started that through Chicago. Well, I started out at University of Illinois and kind of...

Go Illini.

And I started there, and I went there for two years, and then I decided to go to film school, so I transferred to Chicago, to Columbia College, and I got the fun thing of, after being out of the house for two years, got to move back home. Oh, man.

Yeah, yeah. What was the first big problem? Was it bringing a girl home? Was it your... That wasn't that big of a problem.

Dude. It should be. Did they find your bong? No, no. It's just my family, and they're here.

They'll attest. They're really annoying.

Isn't it? One asshole after another. And, you know, and I mean, I'm pretty cool. Sure, sure. Yeah, yeah.

The contrast is very stark. Did you go through Improv Olympic with anybody that you remained friends with? Yeah, actually, Kate Flannery, who played Meredith on The Office. Yep. She was in my first improv class, and I used to, and I've told her this since, but she used to, before each class, she'd be furiously writing in a journal, and I always read over her shoulder to see whatever she was writing.

It was always guy trouble. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you have any characters that you created there, that you remember, that you loved, or was there any kind of improv game that you loved, that we could play right now? that would be fun? Oh, God.

Boy. Wait, really? You want to bring out the hoops and make us jump through them? I love that. I love that shit.

I think it's so fun. Give Sean a character right now. A name and a... All right, you're a space dentist. Go.

And then... No, I mean, well... Because you wrote a lot there, right? Yeah, but, well,

there's kind of like this macho... I was in Improv Olympic, which is Del Close, you know, school of improv. Yeah, yeah. And it's very... There we go.

What event did you excel in? Huh? What event did you excel in? Being fucking funny. Yeah?

Yeah.

No, well, it was all long form. Like, the idea was we would do this thing called a herald, which is a long form improv. You get a suggestion, and then, you know, you fuck around for half an hour, you do different scenes. JB, like they do at ASCAD. Yeah, yeah.

It's kind of like ASCAD. Well, you ask the audience for a subject or a word. Wait, wait. By the way, for Tracy, who's actually here backstage, but she's not coming out. She's not coming out.

Tracy! Tracy! Tracy!

Wait, wait, wait! She's coming! Wait! She's coming! Wait!

Wait! You get out of here! Wait!

She doesn't seem as dumb as Sean makes her sound, right? I was going to say, explain what ASCAD is, because it's such a great thing. Never mind. All right, so. Well, no, ASCAD is, they know what it is.

Andy, you tell them. Well, you all know what long form improv is. I mean, it's fucking Chicago, for Christ's sake. And you, you, you were here at that time. What an unbelievable time.

I mean, Chicago is basically the kind of, the home of improv in America. And it's, and it's where, yeah, it is. And all the people that, certainly all the people that I look up to, who are great comedic sketch performers and improvisers, are all people who came out of, I was also jealous. Somebody asked me once why I'd ever do sketch. I said I was too dumb to think about, I should go to Chicago and do that.

All these incredible people, forget the, the names are insane. Oh, yeah. I mean, well, like Matt Walsh, Emmy, I always like to say twice Emmy nominated Matt Walsh. He likes it even more when you use it. Yeah, yeah.

Tina Fey, Steve Carell, everybody, like so many people. Yeah. Amy Sedaris was here. Paul Dinello, Steve Carell.

We will be right back.

Nancy's love story could have been ripped right out of the pages of one of her own novels. She was a romance mystery writer who happens to be married to a chef. But this story didn't end with a happily. ever after. When I stepped into the kitchen, I could see that Chef Brophy was on the ground and I heard somebody say, call 911..

As writers, we'd written our share of murder mysteries. So when suspicion turned to Dan's wife, Nancy, we weren't that surprised. The first person they look at would be the spouse. We understand that's usually the way they do it. But we began to wonder, had Nancy gotten so wrapped up in her own novels.

There are murders in all of the books. That she was playing them out in real life? Follow Happily, Never After Dan and Nancy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Happily, Never After Dan and Nancy early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Hey, it's Guy Raz here, the host of How I Built This, a podcast that gives you a front row seat to how some of the biggest products were built and the innovators, entrepreneurs and idealists behind them.

Every week I speak to someone new. Stories like Justin Wolverton's, a lawyer who just wanted a healthy alternative to ice cream. So he created Halo Top in his Cuisinart, or Todd Graves, who grew his fried chicken restaurant Raising Canes into one of the most successful fast food chains in the U.S. All of these great conversations can help you learn how to think big, take risks and navigate crises in life and work from people who've done all of that and more. Follow How I Built This on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

You can listen to How I Built This early and ad free right now on Wondery Plus. It's all a lighthearted nightmare. on our podcast, Morbid. We're your hosts. I'm Alina Urquhart.

And I'm Ash Kelly. And our show is part true crime, part spooky and part comedy. The stories we cover are well researched. He claimed and confessed to officially killing up to 28 people with a touch of humor. I'd just like to go ahead and say that if there's no band called Malevolent Deity, that is pretty great.

A dash of sarcasm and just garnished a bit with a little bit of cursing. This mother lied like a liar, like a liar. And if you're a weirdo like us and love to cozy up to a creepy tale of the paranormal, or you love to hop in the Wayback Machine and dissect the details of some of history's most notorious crime, you should tune in to our podcast, Morbid. Follow Morbid on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to episodes early and ad free by joining Wondery Plus and the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

And now back to the show.

Tell me about like writing, and did you enjoy that, and how did you then parlay that into the? I was, I'm a terrible at writing. I mean, I'm good. And I. and one of the reasons that I liked improv was because it was acting and writing all at once.

And I didn't get a chance to think about it, because when I sit down to write, I end up just like. Right. Yeah. It's the hardest thing in the world. Kid, that when I was a little kid, my mother put a desk in the basement facing a cement wall for absolute sensory deprivation to do my like third and fourth grade homework, which was so easy to do.

And I would be like, oh, my God, this will take 20 minutes. Why are you down here for an hour? Come on, just try it. And I'd be like one question. Go like, oh, my God.

Oh, like kryptonite in front of a brick wall. Yes. And that sounds so healthy. It was. it was like because I just was so distracted.

And then I just, you know, I just kind of, like my kids, have ADD, too. And like, when they ask, the only advice I have to them is like, well, you just have to do the work like there's. no, there's no secret there. Yeah, this whole life, my whole living, my whole life, with not being able to get shit done, it's like, oh, yeah, right. Do you have ADD?

You just do it. You have ADD? I do. Yeah. Well, it seems like everybody's got ADD.

So like, is it a thing? And how do you know? Yeah, I agree. How about? it's just like a lot of boring.

No, no, it's, it's, it's a, it's a real thing, because there's a difference between what's the ADHD. That's hyperactivity. That's me. Yeah, yeah.

Get a load of me disease. But how do you? how do you get a load of me? How do you, how do you check for it? Well, how do you diagnose it?

Like, is there a test? Yeah, there's educational psychologists that can diagnose it. And they and they're, and there's there's medication to treat it. Speed, baby. Are you give you speed?

Well, I mean, that's what Ritalin is like. I, I actually was on Adderall is to. Yeah. Adderall. It's all just speed.

And I, like I went. I was on ADD meds for a while, years ago, and then, like, just because it's a raise your blood pressure and stuff. I started taking them. Right. But my, I would get a generica and I don't remember.

It was Adderall or one of them. But I would get the generic and the bottle just said amphetamine. And one time, yeah, like, one time I was shooting something down in San Diego on a marine base and they're like, I have to go through your bag. And it's like amphetamine. Yeah, yeah.

Those are perfecting and snorting. Yeah. So, then, how did you and Conan meet? and how did that happen? Well, there's there's like some classified ads out in L.A.

where lonely people. No, I was. you mentioned the real life, Brady Bunch. That's what for Tracy, if you're listening or anybody who doesn't know, real life Brady Bunch, was it kind of like a stage theater production here of Brady Bunch episode? Yeah.

It was so fucking fun. And, by the way, Sean, sorry. I just love seeing you go like just so, naturally. And, by the way, Tracy, and you're just looking at your last thing. Yeah.

Wake up. What characters you play in real life? Brady Bunch. I was, I played Mike Brady. I mean, but that was the dad, right?

Yeah, that's the dad. Because, I mean, me and Robert, it's been a while. Fucking dead ringer. No way. So it's Mike, Greg, Peter, Bobby, right?

Yeah. Thank you. Right, right. There you go. That's really good.

This is really good. You're really staving off. I'm not quick or bright.

Wait, so I have A to D. What did you say? I played Mike Brady, but that was, but I was like the third or fourth Mike Brady. It was when it went from Chicago to New York. The guy that was playing Mike Brady also worked at the Annoyance Theater, like had a you.

he was like a salaried person there. So he couldn't go to New York. So I asked Joey Soloway, can I go along, you know, buy me a cheap wig? All right. You know.

So was it like that tight, curly wig? Oh, it was awful. It was seriously like a 17 dollar wig. that was like a bathing cap with hair on it. You know, I feel like I got a bit of a Carol Brady going right now.

I need, I need to cut this shit. You need a little bit longer. Well, Jane Lynch played Carol Brady in the show, and she, just like the shittiest, like little Carol Brady flip with that, had like a just an elastic strap that she like hid under her bangs that she just would strap on, you know, played Alice. And how was she? Mary Weiss.

And she was great. She was sort of originated the role here. She's kind of like a more musical theater person. I would have played Tiger. That would have been the dog.

Wait, well, it was such a big thing that we all pitched in, you know, it was like when I heard they were going to do it, I thought it was the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard. And then, when I saw, I saw the first night of it, I don't know that I've ever laughed harder. Sean, you saw it. Yeah. A long, long time ago.

Yeah. Yeah. Because everybody in it was really talented. Oh, my God. You met Conan there?

No, I did not. That. See, you got to bring him back on track, guys. Right. Right.

You got to. you got to keep your eye on the prize.

I, I, we went to New York and then the Brady Bunch moved to L.A. and I went to Brady. I went to L.A. with the Brady Bunch. And, in the meantime, Betty Cahill, a Chicagoan who is a friend of mine that I went to Columbia College with, she had.

she was on SNL and for a season. And that summer she was in L.A. You point a lot and you point constantly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's my Bernie Sanders imitation.

And then we know we. she comes out to L.A. She comes out to L.A. I hang out with her. She's friends with Robert Smigel.

I meet Robert Smigel. Robert is is going to be the head writer on Conan show and says, do you want to meet Conan O'Brien? Did you know Conan was at the time? Was Conan already on the air? I knew that he was the guy at a time.

I knew that. No, no, no, no. He had just done. he had just done like a screen test kind of thing. And and I just, it was just announced this guy, who was a comedy writer on The Simpsons, is going to be the replacing David Letterman.

I just heard about it, like anybody else. And then, like two days after it happened, I went to Jeff. Garlin was taping a pilot in L.A. where he played like like a New York cop, like a lovable guy, which, you know, Garlin as a cop is, of course, hilarious. He's absolutely a cop for the world's shattiest cop.

Yes, exactly. But I actually went to that with Kate Flannery and we sat in front of Bob Odenkirk, who was there with Carol Leifer. Yeah. And I totally, totally eavesdropped on them talking about Conan, because Bob is very good friends with Conan and Bob. actually, Bob and his brother Bill, actually in the beginning of late night, came out and wrote on the show for a couple of months.

Wait, wait. And Bob and Conan were roommates at one point. Yes. Here in Chicago. During the right.

They were working on SNL and there was during the writer's strike. They came here and they did a live show. This is Bob Smigel. Bob Odenkirk. And Bob Smigel was in that show, too.

Robert Smigel, Bob Odenkirk, Conan, Jeff Garlin was here at that time. Got it. I think they stayed. Unbelievable. I mean, just heavy hitters.

How did you get from meeting Conan there to becoming such a close friend with him and then becoming the co-host of the Conan O'Brien show? Look at you like they're like cheering on for you. They've got bad ADHD. We try to sit them in the front. Yeah.

Look at him. go. Asking questions like a big boy. What was the moment that you and Conan met?

We, we arranged lunch in Los Angeles at Junior's Delicatessen. Oh, sure. And no longer there. I ordered food. Conan ordered a can of Coke.

And I was like, because for me, it was, someone was paying for lunch. So bring it on. And we just hit it off. really well. Immediately, we could be as stupid as we wanted with each other.

Was it just to be friends or was there? No, it was to get a job as a writer on the show. As a writer. You think it was a date? Well, I don't know.

I mean, they're both handsome fellas, you know. We were spooning in a booth. But, but, but, but, so because I, you, the, the notion of you being on the couch with Conan during that show all the time was never really part of the plan, question mark? Uh, I.

But I'm not supposed to say what. You know what, that rising intonation, I could tell. Okay, good. You're not talking to Siri. Yeah, no.

Yeah, yeah.

He does, by the way, he does do so much of dictating his texts while he's driving. So, and you know people who do this, but you'll be in a room, we'll be all in the, we've been on the road now for like a week or whatever, and Jason will be in the corner and he'll be going, hey, honey, are you there, question mark? I'm just gonna, dot, dot, dot. Dot, dot, dot. Call me back when you get a second comma and blah, blah, blah.

Can't wait to see you. Italics. XOXO, smiley face, emoji, heart, emoji, kiss, emoji. For real. Well, who doesn't?

Who doesn't, yeah. Um, but wait, um. So, so, I went. I got hired as a writer. Right, right.

And the, there was like an implicit promise that there's, you're gonna perform at some point too. And then, just as the show evolved and he started doing test shows in, you know, studios around. He realized he wasn't enough. No, no. Robert Smigel, Robert Smigel.

I mean, no, that's still a few years off. Yeah.

Um, but he, uh, Robert Smigel, just went, go sit with him and keep him company. And, which was like, which? like, we'd worked enough together, long enough to know, like, oh yeah, that's, that's something that needs to be done. You need to keep him. Smigel, by the way, was the, was the guy who did the little mouth, uh, uh, thingy, uh, cut into the face, right?

Correct? Saturday TV, fun house. Are you talking about Triumph, the insult dog? Yeah. But he also was the guy with the, with the mouth behind.

Yeah. We did. Oh, on Conan, when they put the other mouths. Right. We called those clutch cargoes.

Wasn't that, was that his hand? Yeah, yeah. Oh, no, I'm thinking of the in-laws. Oh, my God. With Peter Falk.

That's, that's Senior Wences. I'm so old, you guys. This is all starting to go. So, so wait, I've always thought, you know, because obviously we love Conan. He was on the tour with us already.

He's amazing. But I always thought when I watched it, you know, every single kind of wisecrack you kind of cut in with or any, it was always fucking so funny. You just waited and he went, bam, like right in there. And I was like, he could have his own talk show. Is there any kind of aspiration to do that?

Because it seems like you could so seamlessly. Did you ever try to kill Conan?

Uh, I never did try to kill him. And honestly, it was, it was, I'm, I was happy to have that position. I would not want, like, there was so much of just the, the, the time that I've spent, uh, being his TV wife. Um, uh, I, I, there was so much stuff that he had to deal with, that he kind of likes dealing with and that, that I'm just like, leave me alone. Like it's just, he has to have so many meetings and he has to know so many.

pukey, you know, like executive types and remember their name. I don't know anybody's name. You just want to do bits. I just want to, yeah. Just, I want to show up.

I want to make television. I want to make funny stuff and I don't want to have a bunch of boring meetings. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Baby wants fun. Yeah, yeah.

And I'll bet you both these guys would agree that anytime we were on that couch, the idea that you were right here the whole time was very comforting. Very, very comforting. It was like, it was great. I loved it. Yeah.

I was smelling your hair. Yeah. I mean, if that. It's hard not to. Is that the comfort glue?

It's mostly the glue. Again, you know, not unlike Chicago, you were at Conan at a time when you guys started doing that show, you really kind of once again broke the mold. Dave had done it with Letterman in the 80s. Yeah. And then you guys redid it.

You had amazing writers, most of whom were sketch performers, or a lot of them, from Chicago. Yep. Who came. It was a real Chicago, Boston kind of split. It was unbelievable.

And you guys did so many unbelievable sketches. You guys remember in the early 90s and late 90s, whatever, there were so many amazing moments. Yeah. Being there at that time, was it, every day? were you like, fuck?

yeah, I'm so psyched to go in there and do these bits and work on this show? No. Great. Good night. No.

I mean, you know. It's like. What do you mean? no? You weren't?

No, not every day. I mean, you know, what am I? Pollyanna? Am I, you know, skipping to work in my shorts with a big lolly? Well, you need to learn to appreciate it.

No, I'm a. How heavy was the lift though? I mean, like, you'd get in there, you guys would shoot, what, about 5 o'clock, right? Oh, no. In the beginning, it was brutal.

We were on 47 weeks a year, five days a week. How long was the day for you? You'd get in at what time and leave at what time? 10 a.m. and usually leave around midnight.

Really? In the beginning. Every day? Yeah. What the fuck would you do for 14 hours?

It's a one-hour show. Write bits. Write bits. Produce bits. What's the staff for?

Well, when I got hired, I was a writer. You know, I was on the show, too, and in the beginning. No, I know. Look at how tired he is thinking about it.

I mean. But I mean, if. Hey, portal to portal. No, no, no. Who fed you your soup?

For a one-hour show, though, you would think it would be a shorter day, but every time. Wait, wait, wait. Can I just tell you something? This is really on brand for this, and I just want to talk about what happened backstage today. Oh, my God.

So, hang on. So, Jason came out? Yeah. So, I just want to say. So, everywhere we go, we've been on tour for a week, and Andy, you're going to appreciate this because you've known Jason for a long time.

By the way, I drank out of that. Yeah. I don't care. Okay. And he's been super sneezy.

And his mom's eye came in that, too. Go ahead. Sorry, sorry. So, everywhere we go, we have the special water and almonds and popcorn.

I didn't ask for any of it. So, Jason starts going. It dawns on him, and I'm like, everywhere we go, we're the popcorn and the almonds and the lemon water. And they're like, where is this coming from? And we find out.

Well, look.

I highly recommend it. It is a great beverage. Almonds. Daddy likes almonds. There's a certain kind of candle that I do like, a nice smelling candle.

Oh, God. By the way, by the way, and there's skinny. Oh, my God. And skinny pop popcorn. And every time I walk in, I go, skinny pop.

Go ahead. But I realized that whomever was tasked with getting this stuff in the hotel room, in the dressing room, must think I'm a fucking monster. Yeah. And rightfully so. But the point is.

I'm trying to find. Because I never asked for it. I'm trying to track down. It must be one of my friends from back home that told whoever is arranging things here, oh, by the way, I just want to make sure they don't say, don't make the mistake of not having X, Y, and Z. I, hopefully.

it was like, oh, by the way, just if you've got something, you know, Jason happens to like such and such, and I think the guys like it too. It wasn't like that. It wasn't like that. And the best part was Jason was like, how come there's nothing for, you and Sean don't have anything? And I was able to, you know when you get on the high road?

And it's open. And you're able to be just super chill on the high road, and you go, because we don't need anything. Well, wait, Andy. Andy, I want to get back. I know.

I know. I know. I know.

I know. I know. So, wait, Andy. Sorry. Sorry, I stood up.

Do you remember the time, the time that you, there was some kerfuffle about you in line at the Apple store? Oh, God. Do you all know about, yeah, they clearly, they already know it.

Because Chicago. Oh, hey, Sean. Hey, what's going on? And I want to get back to Chicago. Everybody knows there's so many great, great music and great bands and everything like that are from here.

Did you have anything like that growing up? Were you just anybody you loved? or maybe somebody now, or whatever? Because I love, I was in a band called Sounds from the Stairs. Hold for applause.

Thanks a lot. For five years. What was Sounds from the Stairs? Oh, it's all keyboard and synth. But what was the significance of the name?

None of your business. Wow. Sounds from the Stairs. It sounds like they started practicing in the basement of Moms Hall. That's exactly what it was.

It was. That's exactly what it was. What kind of songs? Oh, just synth pop. Okay, well, an example.

Like we would do covers of The Cure and stuff like that. Oh, my God. That sounds so cringy. Sean, doing synth pop. Did you have a smoky eye?

We'll be right back.

And now back to the show.

So I would be, you know, like when you play keyboards in a band, you can't really, like, you know, jam like you can a guitar, because you can't jump because you miss the keys. That's why they invented the keytar. Right, the keytar, right. But I only played synth, so I'd be like,

I'd go.

But what about you?

Did you ever do that? Yeah, did I? Was I in a band? No, I was not in a band. You got nominated for best host.

Oh, anybody that I love? Well, like at the time when I was young here,

Smashing Pumpkins were still, like, around, you know. Like, that was the big band that everybody talked about. And then there was always, you know, lots of... Wilco. Blues, and Wilco, yeah, yeah.

Wilco is great. Wilco is amazing. Well, it's so funny because we keep, we are, these guys turned me on to Wilco when I was reading about Jeff Tweedle and how incredible he is. No. I mean Tweedie.

No. Tweedle. No. Tweedie, hang on. Let me just finish.

Jeff Tweedie, about how... You're fired. Hang on. Wait, wait. I just want to make sure we got that right.

I was reading about Tweedie. Tweedle. That is a perfect example of something that goes through the Sean Hayes filter. Yeah. I was reading about Jeff Tweedie and how amazing he is.

And he's not only, like, a songwriter and a musician and a record producer and a Grammy winner, he's also here in Jeff Tweedie.

What?

What?

Hey, I know you. Good to see you. And I've never met you.

It's, this guy's, he's freaking out right now. Yeah. Have you never met him? I have met him. I met you on a tour bus, but I was not in a real good place to talk because I'm a little, I was a little starstruck, like I am now.

Oh, no. Good lord. It's so cool that you're here. Thank you. Wait, aren't you in the middle of recording an album or something?

We are. We're recording. Yeah, Wilco's, recording in the studio. Yeah. On Instagram, I saw a photo of, I don't know if it's your basement or some room in the house.

You have, like, hundreds of instruments in this room. And where is that in your house? And did you have that growing up? And your kids love that? Oh, no.

No. I didn't, we didn't have any instruments in my house growing up. Really? Yeah. Were you facing a wall with a desk?

Yeah, I had a desk in the basement. So that's like a Chicago thing. Yeah, yeah. Definitely. You just put the kids in the basement against a wall.

Lack of visual stimuli. Okay. I have to say, I was asked to come out here last night. Yes. And I went, I was like, oh, that's exciting.

I went to sleep, and I dreamt that you were my best friend. Yeah. Oh. Yeah, good luck. A lot of people have had that dream.

And so, yeah. I have that dream every night. So, so, in my dream, I get so excited about getting to do this. Yeah. That I, I go and tell you.

Sure. And, and you start crying.

Because I ruined the surprise of me being here. Right. For you. Because I forgot that you were on the show, too, because I was excited about meeting you. No.

But you were really upset with me. That's, well, it's very upsetting to hear, even now, as the, as the dream. Yeah, I was just like, I got asked to do this amazing thing. I'm going to be on this podcast with. And, then, and then, and then what happens?

Sean Hayes calls you Jeff Tweedle. Yeah. Yeah. How many times has that happened? I didn't, I didn't hear that, but now I, now I know.

I, I, I rehearsed my little bit with, with Andy, Randy, all day. All day. And I got, got your name wrong. That's all right. No, now I read a recent interview of yours where, I love this because I love talking about this.

I'm a musician as well. I studied piano for 20 years, but classical, not what you do. It's stunning, by the way. And so. Yeah.

And so I love what you said about creating music. Something about like your mind disappears, but you're also present at the same time. And that's when you become creative. Like, explain that, because I think that's fascinating, because I only got the disappearing part.

Well, that's, but that's helpful, isn't it? I mean, that's like, that's like, that's one of the, we all look for things to do that. are, you know, a way to kind of transport ourself outside of the burden of being in our bodies? or be. Jason takes gummies for that.

Yeah. Yeah. But so you are, so you kind of have one foot in and one foot out. Oh, I just think that, you know, you just try and put yourself in the path of doing something creative. And what I feel like I get out of it more than anything is these moments that just kind of go away without me having to, like, consciously try and kill time, or, or be, you know, thinking about something that I don't have control over.

or, you know, just like just, but just. I think a lot of like games, crossword puzzles, like those time sucks. A lot of things do that. But I think that there's something nice about having activities, that you kind of come back from that experience with something that wasn't there before, like a, like a writing or a song. I love that.

Can I ask? First of all, calm down. Okay. Yeah. So, but, but I mean, but I.

So I let the robot speak. I would ask this to any musician, as I would like a writer of like books or screenplays. I'm assuming when you write a screenplay or a book, you're writing and then the next word kind of falls in next. And how should the story go? And it just kind of falls out in a, in a natural progression.

Is it the same way when you're strumming and you're kind of trying to come up with a new song and you find a good rhythm and then, just naturally, because you have great taste. Oh, this chord would sound good after that. And by the end of a few minutes, you've got yourself a song. Is it that easy? You say what to that?

Question mark? Question mark? That can happen, but that's not normally how it happens. Why? Is it, is it normally like there's a certain structure, a certain chord has to follow another sharp thing?

Like, is it like a recipe? Oh, you do. Well, you listen. You listen to. It's so logical.

I love it. I love you so much. And I'm pulling for you. How? Yeah.

How does music? Yeah.

I'm not know things. Processing. See, I've got a battery pack in everything. Oh, no. Help me out.

The wires.

Help me, Jeff. I can help you. I can help you. You're, you're, you improvise conversation all the time. Right.

Because you have a vocabulary. Right. And you learn a vocabulary. And you learn certain phrases and things that you like. Yeah.

And you express yourself. And you, you tend to repeat some of those things. Right. Because you know they're effective and how they, you know, you're able to communicate when you use those. It's no different with music.

There are certain building blocks of the vocabulary that you get from your record collection. And from things that you like. And things you care about. And other songs that you've written. And eventually, it does become sort of conversant, in a way that you can construct a sentence or a story out of whole cloth.

Just by sitting down and saying, I wonder what would happen next. But the most fun part about doing it is the discovery for yourself. You know, that you don't, you don't really know where it's going to go. And that's, that's the, I don't know, that's the, my favorite part of it. Isn't that a rad answer?

Aren't you glad I asked that dumb question? No, it's a good question too. And Andy. Yeah, you guys are making fun of him. He's the only one that cares.

We're just doing it for the fun of it. Just for the sport. But, Andy, you, you get that, right? I mean, that's what improv comedy is about too. That's a similar language in that way.

Yes, definitely. And you do, especially when you're doing improv, like you learn little tricks or little rules that, they're not like the things, you know, discoveries pop in. Like. I remember, when I was doing improv on a regular, you know, like whatever, eight shows a week or something, there were times where we'd be on stage and there would be things coming out of my mouth that I didn't know. Like.

it just felt like autopilot and like, holy shit, I'm good at this, you know?

And, and so, but it doesn't happen now. But, but it is, it's, you, you learn tricks to kind of just keep the ball in the air until you like, have that real moment of inspiration that, you know, like the really new thing, you know? Yeah. Jeff, can I switch gears? Is your son, Spencer, still playing drums?

He is, yeah. And so my, my other son, Sammy, is singing with me. No way. Not, yeah, not in Wilco, but we, we make records, my solo records are mostly with my kids. It's incredible.

We came, do you remember? years ago, we came to see you at Madison Square Garden and I was with Fred Armisen and Amy, and we went in there. and then these guys go on and Wilco go on, and then Jeff welcomes his son. And Spencer was like 12 at the time, maybe? I think it was his 13th birthday.

It was, it was his 13th birthday, that's right. That's what he just said. And he got up, yeah. That's what he just said. He just said it just now.

Yeah, he said it. Holy shit. Yeah, I don't know how you do it, Wilco. He, but, but here, he goes on, he's 13 and he plays with you guys at Madison Square Garden. That's so cool.

Was he, was he, was he cool with it or was he nervous? He was pretty nervous, but he was cooler than I would have been, for sure. Yeah, you don't know fear at 13.. And cooler than I was, actually, on stage, looking at him like, like I'm forgetting the lyrics, you know, because I'm so worried about him. Yeah.

Yeah. Do you commonly get anxious in front of a large audience? No, I, I'm here all the time. I, like, yeah. But I mean, I, I, I know, and, and, I mean, Andy as well, like, I'm sure you guys have had, like, we also have had probably moments where you have a performance, whether it's live or on camera, that you're totally relaxed, and you might think it's not that great.

And it probably isn't, but I do my best when I got a healthy level of anxiousness or nerves. Yeah. Do you like to find that place?

Um, I mean, not really. I mean, I, I. You'd rather just be totally. I, yeah, I, for this, you know, bullshitting, being funny while bullshitting. Right.

It's just much better to just be free and loosey-goosey, and not, you know, because I, it shuts me down. Being nervous shuts me down. It doesn't give you that little bit more energy that you might have. for. Nah, I just, I just don't work that way.

That's just not the way. What would make you nervous? Um. A glass eye. Real answer.

No. A glass eye. I hope, I hope not. No, like, well, like, if I had to, like, sing. Yeah.

You know, or do something like that. All right, let's hear it. Here we go.

Just do the National Anthem. Huh? Just do the National Anthem. Oh, shit. No.

Yeah. I'm not gonna. Um, but I, I still get nervous when I do improv. now. Really?

Because I have, yeah, because, and because for years, too, even after, like, after I was a grown-up, uh, and I was doing, you know, grown-up improv, I mostly would just do monologue stuff. Because a lot of the long-form improv will have a guest monologist, especially the, the UCB ASCAT version, has somebody come and tell monologues, and then the people improvise based off of that. So, I would do that a lot, and I'm very used to just sitting and being myself. Yeah. You know, in a venue kind of thing.

But to actually have to do improv is now scary. Yeah. Because it's a different, you know, it's like I don't do it all the time. And the time we sing, people will ask me, like, do you want to come do our improv show? And, and I'm always saying, like, I don't want to leave the house to get nervous.

Yeah. You know? Yeah. What about you, Jeff? What makes you nervous?

Oh, I think it's, I think it's good to not be too relaxed. I think it's, it means you care, you know, like when you're a little bit nervous. My dog, yeah. You know?

That's your, your best friend. But I, but I feel, I feel confident and nervous most of the time. Right. Do you, do you feel, would you feel confident and or nervous to sing us a song right now? Wait, what?

We can't pay for that. I didn't bring a guitar. And yeah, you didn't pay for that. Wait, you didn't?

I haven't signed the release yet.

Oh, no. Oh, my goodness. Is that your son? That's Sammy. That is Sammy.

Is that your son? Hey there!

So wild. Repping, repping the local head shop that just went, went under. Oh no. Do they need someone to buy a large order of things? I'm, I brought my wallet.

A large order of things. You know, I was going to say. I can sit closer to you while you sing. This is blowing my mind.

I was going to say. the thing that I've learned to get used to on stage over the years is early on, and for a long time, I think you have an evolutionary ability to pick out danger that comes from being on the savanna or something, you know? Yeah. You know? So I've had to teach myself how to ignore the guy yawning.

Uh, huh. Or like, you're, like, you can stand, everybody can be having a great time and I will find you. Right. I will find the person looking at their phone. That, that unlapping motherfucker, I stare at him every time.

Yeah. So it's like. I can see it through the mask too. I spent 20 years going, what the fuck is wrong with that guy? I know, I know.

I know. Totally. And I finally just went, oh, this person, delightful. Yeah. I, I, I did a, I did a one man show on Broadway called An Act of God and opening night.

And you guys didn't see it. Fuck off. I did. I did. She saw it.

Don't tell her what she did or didn't do. So you and me, that's it. And it's a 90 minute monologue. It was impossible to memorize. I did it, blah, blah, blah.

And opening night, it was so great. Everybody was laughing. I just focused on one person.

Not into it. Wow. He didn't like it. He didn't like it. But you know what, though?

I mean, it's very, not to open up a larger discussion because you're going to play, but it is very natural. I think, that we do that, as humans. We can have 95% of our life going really, really well. And 5%, doesn't worry. There's always going to be 5%.

And we focus on that. And it's taken me, I'm going to be 52, improbably.

I agree. I don't believe you. I mean, good God. Look at that face. Why Andy?

Go on. Wow. But, but, but it's taken me this long. It was only been within the last couple of years that I realized that, like, yeah, I'm so stupid for focusing on that shit. Why wouldn't I focus on all the stuff?

Twitter is based on it. Yeah. I think Twitter is based on that. It's true. It's true.

All right. All right. So.

I am an American aquarium drinker. I assassin down the avenue. I'm out and out in the big city blinking. What was I thinking when I let go of you?

Let's forget about the tongue tied lightning. Let's undress just like cross-eyed strangers. This is not a joke. So please stop smiling. What was I thinking when I said it didn't hurt?

Wish I knew how to play drums.

I want to fly through those brown eyes. Take you from the inside, baby. Hold on tight. You were so right when you said I've been drinking. What was I thinking when we said good night?

Yeah, that is so cool. Wow. Wow. Thank you, guys. Amazing.

I think. What I think, what I think is so incredible, is how many. This is what I think about all the time. with successful musicians like you. You have so many songs in your head that at any moment, you just call upon them.

And you know, you know them. You must have hundreds of songs in your head. I do, actually. Yeah, I do. It's, it's.

And I'll bet you. Well, you tell me. Is it. Do you remember the lyrics as you get to that point in the song? Because, the because.

You like.

Well, but like for an, for an actor, like when you're about to go out and do a play, you can't remember all your lines. right then. But when you get to the fridge, it's that line. Hey, who stole my coke? You know, like it comes to you because of the blocking.

You're thinking you say fridge. You actually are thinking about the model home in the rest of the development. Right. But I'm just saying there are certain things that will jar the next line, based on where you are. You can't remember all of the lines at once again.

Another smart question. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No.

Yeah. There's a story. I think Phil Oaks was. I think he had to do some sort of testimony in court one time. And they were grilling him about his anti-American lyrics or something like that.

And he couldn't remember them. And they had to go get him a guitar. Oh, wow. Yeah. That might be total bullshit.

I've heard that. I did. I went on. I went on tour with Kenny Rogers. I was a Christmas elf.

Yes. Wow. And, and I, I, I love Kenny. I grew up listening to his songs, but he would forget the lyrics sometimes on stage. And and he would just point the mic in front of the audience.

You got to know when, to know when. Right. Exactly. Yeah. That's good.

But anyway. Yeah. And you played. Did you play an elf in this Christmas show? Yeah.

That's hard to do. when you've got a guitar around your neck. Jeff, you don't know the gambler, do you? By any chance? No.

OK. I don't think we can afford that either. You're right. Anyway, Jeffrey, I can't tell you how excited we are. And Jason and Will are.

And they are that you're here. And Andy. I've known Andy. I've met Andy many more times than all of you guys. Do you guys know each other?

Yeah. Well, yeah. Just from over the years. Yeah. From him being on the show a million times.

Conan was our first ever performance in Uncle Tupelo. From our first ever television performance. Yeah. I mean, oh, Uncle Tupelo, man. And you know, your stage director said, uh, there's three million people watching.

Don't fuck it up.

That's a recipe for success. I want to tell you, last year we would have killed for that number.

I was wondering how accurate that was. Oh, boy. Yeah, yeah. No, they just, the numbers keep going down. But, Jeff Tweedy, thank you for being here.

We've got a cruise. I don't want to take a lot of your time. Andy Richter, thank you for being here. Let's say thank you to Andy Richter and Jeff Tweedy. This is amazing.

Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Yeah, yeah.

You guys got two guests. Yeah.

Anyway. I'm still a little rocked by the whole experience, to be honest. Yeah, Andy Richter, I mean, he's one of my favorite people, one of the kindest, nicest. I love him. So, and Andy, we didn't even get, Andy, the three of us used to play cards a lot back in the day with Andy.

A lot, a lot, a lot. Like it's a problem. Like it's a problem. And Andy was always the funniest guy at the table, always. And he would, I remember one time we had a bunch of snacks at my old place in Venice, and he came down the stairs and somebody had brought some fudge.

And Andy comes down the stairs, and he's got fudge all over his mouth. And he comes down and he goes, I learned from the fudge, but somebody must have eaten it.

And it was, the funny, is the stupidest bit. I love stupid bits. Well, the only thing, the only thing that I wish Jeff could have stayed to play, maybe, if we had more time, is a, is a, is a sweeter song. You know, maybe like a, a lullah. Bye!

Thank you! Smart.

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