#1991 - Protect Our Parks 8
2023-05-26 02:32:53
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That's burp. That's burp.
Whoa!
Blastin' that, boys.
Damn, that's thick.
That's a lizzo.
We just passed him.
You're not taking it?
That's Joey Diaz, laughing gas weed.
Oh my god, dude.
You smoke pussy, though. You call him a pussy and then you pass it to him.
Yeah, I was joking. I was never gonna smoke that.
He's so scared.
You smoke it, you coward.
I was already smoking it.
I just bullied you into smoking it, dude.
You can't bully me when I'm already doing it.
He's bullying and he's not doing it.
He bullied him and he didn't do it.
Shane is the king of that.
Here's my only impression of Shane.
You won't.
Yeah, you won't do that.
Whatever's brought up, you won't.
You have my favorite childish humor.
It's so fun.
And it works, too.
It's very fun to be childish.
Grab your friends, you go.
You don't do that, dude.
It's very fun.
You're not gonna do that.
He's dumb.
He's like, give me that shit, I'll do it right now.
I'll cut myself.
Well, he's jet lagged. He came from another country.
I can't believe you're doing this.
He had a day to rest.
Yeah, I had Athens, fucking five hours.
Did you go see the Acropolis?
I did.
Wow, shit, huh?
It's so cool.
What's Acropolis?
It's a bunch of fucking rubble.
The Acropolis is the base, the Parthenon is the building, correct?
Yes.
Dude, I tell you, I looked up that a bunch of times when I was there and I still don't know.
Nobody knows.
Yeah.
No idea.
Yeah, the Acropolis is the building, the Parthenon is what it's built on.
Oh, interesting.
The Greeks were gay.
Greeks were gay.
Okay, the Acropolis of Athens is an ancient citadel located on a rocky outcrop.
Wait a minute, which one's the Acropolis and which one's the Parthenon?
Oh, yeah, I don't know.
I think the Acropolis is the building and the Parthenon is what it's built on.
The Acropolis is, I think, the entire thing and the Parthenon is one of the buildings as a part of it.
What's the structure that it sits on?
What's the Parthenon?
Google that.
I'm pretty sure the Parthenon...
That's that one.
Okay.
That's under construction now.
So the Parthenon is the building, the Acropolis...
They built it back up, they realized it wasn't finished.
There's scaffolding everywhere.
The roof fell off.
How about that stamos?
The centerpiece.
The fixer upper, for sure.
So, okay.
The Parthenon is a former temple of the Athenian Acropolis Greece that was dedicated to the goddess Athena during the 5th century BC.
All those people were tripping balls, you know.
Goddess of beauty.
Yeah, there's a great book on it.
The Immortality Key by this guy Brian Murrow Rescue.
It actually opened up a field of study at Harvard.
This guy wrote a book about how they always suspected that their wine was laced with something,
but then they got definitive proof because they found old vessels and they tested these vessels and they found ergot in them,
which is a fungus that has LSD-like effects.
Wow.
Yeah, so they were all tripping.
So they made up that they were gods?
Dude, that must have fucked them up.
That's where they came up with everything.
That's where they came up with democracy.
They came up with so much from tripping balls.
It makes sense.
He hit this rock and it became a spring.
Tripping balls.
To fight him he hit a rock, it became a tree.
All those old people were tripping balls.
What they were doing was hiding it from the Romans and they had to move away.
They started going into other countries when they got kicked out of Greece.
They moved the Eleusinian mysteries all over the world.
The what mysteries?
Eleusis, Eleusinian mysteries.
All the zoo stuff?
All the trip balls stuff.
People like scholars from all over the world would go there and participate in these rituals.
They would just trip their fucking brains out and figure things out.
How about those grape leaves?
I don't think that had anything to do with it.
Ah, that's Greek?
Those are just leaves.
They're not great.
They're not great.
Overrated.
Ray overrated.
Really?
He got a dip into tzatziki to make it even edible.
They're pretty bland.
Yeah, they got the same food as Middle Eastern.
Yeah, they got kebabs.
A lot of pita, kebab, hummus.
Fucking delicious.
Or as David Tell calls it, terrorist peanut butter.
His joke.
So did you have fun?
Did you have a good time?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Athens is a cool city.
Did you get to walk?
Did you get to hike?
I did get to walk and hike.
It's a big national park in the middle.
It's like Central Park.
You walk through it at night.
Park's a park, though.
Looking for rapists, what?
Did you get to hike?
Did you protect those parks in Athens?
People have asked me about the parks.
Yeah, everyone you try to protect goes away.
I saw one somewhere, like, have you protected any parks lately?
And I was like, no, I've only failed in protecting any parks.
Well, you only tried one.
Yeah, utter failure.
But sometimes it's your first time trying to protect a park.
True.
Why do you like parks?
Because they're a joyous place.
He's a city dork.
It's the only nature he gets.
They stink.
It's the only nature he's allowed.
I took my nephew to a park.
I just looked like a fucking pedophile the whole time.
You were with a little tiny park.
Yeah.
With a swing set.
Yeah, I just took him to a park.
I was just yelling at him.
You're not allowed to go without a kid.
Yeah, a lot of these places.
Right.
Yeah, that's weird.
Yeah.
Going to a park and just watching kids.
Boy, I love watching kids interact.
Yeah.
You can't.
You can't.
So innocent.
You have to go with your own kid.
Dog parks you can't enjoy.
Dog parks you can't go in without a dog.
Is that right?
You probably can.
No.
They won't stop you, but the rule is you can't go in without a dog.
Oh, really?
Is that the rule?
Yeah.
Is it written?
Yeah.
So it's written.
So it's told.
It is written.
That's the only way I know it.
It is written.
My niece's nephews are black, and my dad took them to the park by himself.
Yeah.
And my niece was on the swings, and she was like, slap me, Pappy.
Slap it.
And he was down there, like, pushing her ass.
Pretty funny, right?
People are looking at it like, what the fuck is going on here?
Slap me, Pappy.
Yeah, she's like, slap it, Pappy.
He's like, Jesus Christ.
I can see.
There's a playground outside my apartment, and Mom was on her phone the whole time pushing
this kid on a swing.
It killed me.
You could so easily steal a kid.
I know.
They're all so distracted.
Now's the time.
Yeah.
My friend almost got his kid stolen from a park.
What?
Yeah.
Yeah, he noticed at the last minute that someone was calling his kid towards a truck.
Brian Laundrie.
And he stopped it.
He ran out and stopped it, but I think he was just not paying attention for a brief
period of time.
And somebody tried to steal his kid.
I got a hit on by a pedophile as a youth.
The thing is, it does happen.
It does happen.
It sounds so insane.
Yeah.
No, it actually does happen.
People steal children.
Because that kid will forget.
Just might be crazy enough to work.
Exactly.
That kid will forget.
Jesus Christ, what a horrible thought.
Remember milk carton kids?
Yeah.
That was a big thing.
Big thing.
I think a lot of them are stolen by the parent.
What?
That's almost all the stats of abducted kids or just the dad.
I want some good station rides.
It's like people use their kids as leverage to get back at the spouse.
Yikes.
You know, like the husband and the wife get divorced and the wife won't let the husband
see the kid.
And he yells at her, I want my fucking kids.
You won't let that whore in the house with her.
Oh, boy.
That would be nice, getting so hammered and just going to your fucking ex-wife's house.
I want to see my fucking son, you bitch.
That's how people get shot.
Daddy, no.
There's a horrible video of a guy getting shot doing that.
Oh, really?
What?
He goes to the house where his kid lives and there's a guy there and the guy and the wife
are there and he's yelling and the guy's getting, get off my fucking property.
And the guy's a big guy and he gets in his face and the guy goes and gets an AR and they
struggle with the AR.
Wait, they fought?
They struggle with the gun briefly and then the guy lights him up.
That's a good dad.
And he lights him up in front of the guy's mom, who's also there.
Wait, who shot who?
The biological father got shot by the stepdad?
Yes.
Yes, the stepdad.
Stepdad, who's a smaller guy.
The biological dad's a big guy.
Why would you get close enough with an AR for some other guy to grab it?
I think he was just trying to threaten him.
Like if he pulled out a gun, the guy would be like, that's it.
Okay, you got a gun.
I'm going to leave now.
But this guy was an idiot.
I've seen quite a few of those people just, people get nutty and they don't understand
risk and they don't understand danger.
Even just with fights when they get in people's face.
Yeah, man, fuck you.
Well, fuck you.
Do something then.
Like you don't, you literally don't know how to fight and you're about to engage in one
of the most dangerous things that people can do other than using weapons.
Happens all the time.
But I saw a video the other day of this guy, they're in front of like a truck and this
guy's yelling at this guy, come on pussy, fight like a man.
I saw that one.
He takes his shirt off and the guy just shoots him.
What?
Oh, I didn't see that one.
I saw a punch.
I didn't see that one at all.
The guy just shoots him.
The guy's got a gun out.
The guy's got a gun out and he's like, stop.
And the guy's like, come on pussy.
He takes his shirt off while the guy has a gun out.
He's the machine.
And he comes towards him and he just, boom.
Nope.
Wow.
The guy goes down screaming.
That's right.
Yeah.
What happened?
Indiana Jones.
He was looking up.
Oh, Indiana Jones.
Yeah.
Would he have a whip or something?
No, he had like a sword.
Yeah, a sword.
You know, that was like a supposedly like, no, it wasn't supposed to happen.
Adlib?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh.
He was high all the time.
Harrison Ford, he gets high all the time.
Wasn't?
No.
Rips him.
I don't know about then, but now he's just high all day.
He's really depressed.
I think when you get older, that's the move.
You can't control this.
He knows what he does.
He's so out of control and so not what you grew up with.
You're like, what?
What's with the kids these days?
What is happening?
You're changing genders.
Just get high.
Just get high and just go through life spaced out.
Indiana Stoned.
Oh, there we go.
His alternative pastime.
His wife is hideous.
Hey, how dare you?
That's not his wife.
That's Chewbacca, you son of a bitch.
Jesus Christ.
Got it.
He's got that gay earring too still.
So he's a lifelong stoner?
That's right.
Is that what it says?
Yeah.
You ever see Scrape take that kid?
Steal that kid?
Scrape?
This guy Scrape.
They shot a video.
They just distracted someone and grabbed their kid.
And they go, no, no, I'm just kidding.
I'm just kidding.
They gave the kid back.
It was great.
It was so funny.
Jesus Christ.
What was funny?
What?
What was funny?
That they stole a kid.
And the parents are freaking out.
And they're like, no, I'm kidding.
Ari always wanted to be stolen when he was a child.
Yeah, I did.
Oh, definitely.
Went you in like a shitty cult?
I wanted to go to a Christian family.
It's called Jewish.
Oh.
You ever heard Metzger talk about his cult life?
A little bit.
Yeah, Jehovah.
Wild shit.
It explains a lot.
Well, it explains a lot how he won't tolerate any bullshit.
Right.
He hates religion.
He'll call me sometimes.
What about Abel?
What about Abel?
I'm like, all right, let's go.
He knows I know enough.
He will rant.
You send a text to Metzger, be prepared for a fucking stroll.
17 straight.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
But any time there's some fucking fuckery, some shenanigans with words, some weird thing
they're trying to pull on you, Metzger gets furious because he grew up in a cult.
So he's like, oh, I know what the fuck this is.
I can't notice this.
I can't pay attention to this.
If I talk about this, I'm a bad guy.
That's his joke.
He goes, they told you you can't masturbate.
Do you know what would happen to you if you don't masturbate?
No one does because everyone masturbates, including the people who told us you can't
masturbate.
Funny guy.
I just watched a cult documentary, that Korean guy.
You see that one?
No.
Jamie, you see that one?
It's like in the name of the Holy Father or something.
Pull it up.
Pretty great, dude.
Korean dude just started a cult, but one of his things was-
North or south.
He made everybody south.
Watch him.
He would play soccer in the cult, and he would score like 70 goals.
He said he was God, dude.
He fucked everybody.
Oh, God.
Of course he fucked everybody.
Yeah, he was fucking everybody.
It always goes to fucking.
And they always fall for it.
Every time.
Everybody.
Dude, my favorite cult movie is the movie about the building I bought.
That's great.
Holy hell.
It's a fucking amazing cult documentary.
What?
It's so crazy.
Hoo-ha, hoo-ha.
Do you know the story?
No.
The building that I bought originally for the mothership was a place called the One World Theater.
And that One World Theater was built by a cult so that their leader could dance in front of them.
Literally.
Wow.
They put on these performances.
They documented it all.
This guy filmed everything.
Wow.
And this crazy dude who was a gay porn star-
He looks so gay.
He's so gay.
Oh, he's cute.
But that's his older self.
When you see him when he was young-
He's already getting old then.
If you see the videos of him when he was young, he was a beautiful man.
Yeah.
He was this really gorgeous, like, ripped yoga instructor.
Yeah.
And he started this cult in West Hollywood called the Buddhafield.
And then they moved it out to Austin.
Jay, let me see the penises.
Whoa.
He started-
The pouches, the pouches.
Out, out, out.
Oh, the banana boys.
Look, they wouldn't let the lady get close.
Like, you'd be lower.
It's like a fucking Bud Light commercial.
He had all these boys with him and he fucked all of them.
He's not gay?
Oh, he is gay.
He's gay.
He's a gay porn star, but he had girls in there, too.
I think girls is how he got straight guys to come to the cult.
Because he fucked all the straight guys.
Ladies night.
Were you convinced of him?
His nipples.
You should watch the documentary.
He gave them-
He was a hypnotist.
He was a hypnotist.
So he gave them therapy and then he'd fuck them.
And he charged them for the therapy.
Whoa.
Charged them 50 bucks.
And he owned the mothership.
No, he owned the One World Theater.
It wasn't-
I see.
It was like, the people that I was buying it from were people that used to be in the cult.
Got it.
Now they owned it.
But that was the original location for it.
Yeah.
That's nuts.
That's wild.
I love it.
I was watching that Korean guy and I was like, this guy fucking-
He had 900 women as cheerleaders.
The stadium would be packed and he'd score 80 goals.
What?
That's funny.
And people were like, we gotta arrest this son of a bitch.
I was like, dude, this guy is dominating.
He rules.
He rules.
Did they kill him?
Did you see the guy in Australia?
No, hold on.
They capture him in the end.
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