Muahaha

Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit team.co.co.com. slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started, please.

Welcome to Conan, O'Brien needs a fan nice sweater.

Wow, thank you. Good, good job. First of all, gorily on it.

I'm coming, I'm calling from Dublin, Ireland.

Oh, you're in Dublin.

Oh, look at that fine Irish cable knit fisherman's sweater and Christmas tree. I'm living the life, I just want to trade places.

I'm sorry Mr. Gorily is making this sound like the home shopping network. Tom here is wearing a fine cable net sweater. It's gorgeous.

Yeah, you've been a few times.

I've been a few times. One of the times I went, I met up with a bunch of other very famous Irish, Irish community and comedians from Ireland, who were all hilarious. And we all did a show together at the ambassador's residence in Phoenix Park, and I thought, these are the funniest people I've ever met. And then all of us got into a cab to go into Dublin to get a drink.

So no pressure on me then for the rest of this interview.

Well done.

Well, I, so. I live in Dublin, as you know, and I right now I'm the co-director of a festival here in Dublin that the city started a number of years ago called Bram Stoker Festival. Which is basically a way of celebrating the life and legacy and work of Bram Stoker, who wrote Dracula?

Yep, and and so this is interesting to me, because I don't have to say I admit. I don't know much about Bram Stoker, obviously his work is very famous, but I don't know much about the man himself. Was he Irish?

Yeah, he was Irish, and I think part of that one of the big reasons the festival was started was was, I guess, to kind of reclaim him as an Irish author, right? So everybody knows Joyce and Beckett as Irish authors. But I think a lot of people had kind of assumed or thought that Bram Stoker was British. And the Brits have a long history of claiming Irish people as their own when they become very successful. So it was kind of a way of taking it back and kind of reclaiming him as a Dublin born Irish writer.

Yeah, that's actually very, I mean, that's fascinating to me. I'm, you may have heard me say, I've said it many times, because it's kind of fascinating. Slash, sad to me, but my people emigrated from Ireland in the late 19th century, and we've been living in central Massachusetts.

Tom, will you please reclaim him?

Yeah.

And we'd be delighted to reclaim you and have you at the festival any time or in Dublin. I mean, you're hugely popular. I feel like lots of the friends or the fans on this podcast are coming from Ireland as well, right, you've got it.

No, it's funny. We do have. I do, get recognition from from from Irish people for the TV show, but also a lot from the podcast, which is very nice. So I'd love to go back there and I'd love to reconnect because I think it would be lovely. It's a word that I hear a lot.

Yeah, Graham Norton.

Yeah, have you noticed that?

Yeah, we actually. Yeah, it's funny you say that, because, um, m-e-m.

When I was in New York, I had a therapist, a very brilliant woman who was from Dublin. And she used to tell her about whatever was going on in my life. And she'd say, Um, I think you're crazy, you know?

Absolutely, I mean, look, if you've got a list of people you want me to start claiming as Irish, we can put a festival together about all of them. If they need to be, that's fine.

Yeah, Messy Messy's from Dublin. Lionel Lionel Messy's a true son of Ireland. And he was stolen, he was stolen and taken away.

I was trying to think of the most American icon possible.

No, no, no, I mean, like, Beyonce, did you know that she's from Dublin? Did you know that she's from Galloway? Yeah.

I mean, there's no one on this side who's going to stop you. I think if you guys have a list, you know, put together whatever list and we'll find some. I mean, there's so many people that come to Ireland and then realize that they've got Irish heritage, right? Like Obama was here a few years ago, and he's got a very strong like Irish. I mean, there's, there's so many.

Yeah, we need to keep him.

I know, wait, can we trade? if you're getting Beyonce and stuff? We know we can't trade.

Can't trade.

Depending on who you are, sorry, depending on who you were going to say, maybe.

Yeah, it's going to be all worked out. Listen, Tom, you and I are going to work this out. We're going to start an exchange, but we're going to make lists of people that the the the Irish can claim. And then I think we should get to have Liam Neeson. Yeah, he's so cool.

I'm just curious, how many of you would we have to trade to get one? Liam Neeson?

You know, I looked it up. Thirty five Conan's. Yes, thirty five Conan's gets you Liam Neeson's shoulder.

Worth it, I'll take it.

You don't think these celebrities would have a problem with these festivals, they'll do as they're told.

Yeah, and I mean, we try to. You know, there's. There's only so much you can get out of out of Dracula, right? In terms of a festival like, we need new ideas every year, we try to present it in different ways.

Although that sounds fine, yeah, yeah, I would go to a come to moor.haha. Well, also, I'm not aware of what else did Bram Stoker? I don't really know other than I know him for Dracula.

The Funny, the first book he ever wrote, was actually a book like it was a guide for civil servants like people.

Oh, I've turned on.

So he did write some erotic fiction.

Yeah, exactly, yeah, so depending on your case, I guess that's a good one. But none of his other work has really made it into the kind of consciousness in the same way that Dracula has. But I mean, you know, I don't think like being a one hit wonder for Dracula, I feel like it's still a pretty good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So we try to kind of stretch out everything, I mean, some of the stuff that I really enjoy. Like, we've done a lot of research into Bram, and there's some great kind of lesser known things about him. Like, he once tried to save a man that was drowning in the Thames in London because he did live in the UK for a while.

See, that's why they got to claim him, that's the problem. Yeah, if you. Even if an Irish person goes and lives in London for a week, they get to put up a blue plaque somewhere and say, yep, he's the UK's own Bram Stoker.

You know, it's just not only only if they're wildly successful, though. I mean, if they're, you know, as soon as something goes wrong, then they're immediately Irish, according to the British again.

Oh, OK, all right, they just those plaques, by the way, are put up with velcro. They come off the minute you do something and everyone's getting canceled these days.

I want to go back to Ireland, but you're going to have a knighthood from from Britain. Sure, it's not going to play well.

So what, what color plaque do they use in Ireland? If I go to Ireland, I want to glue some plaques up.

I'm pretty sure we use blue plaques, you use blue plaques too. Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

All right, well, find out, because I want to find out exactly what they look like. Make this priority. Excuse me, Tom, Oh, Tom's got such a busy schedule working on the Bram Stoker Festival.

Yeah, you've got 11 months of downtime.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know how many? How many plastic fangs can you buy?

Yeah, I've got some time to put it in my head.

I am a civil servant.

Yeah, it's pretty good. I mean, I've, you know, as you said, I've got a few, you know, easier months ahead. Because this we're just in planning now, but outside of work, things are going. Yeah, things are good, I'm looking forward to Christmas.

You got your tree, have you done your shopping?

Got my tree up here I've got, so I just started doing some shopping yesterday. Yeah, things are, yeah.

I would think that Dublin would be a wonderful Christmas town, it would feel very Christmassy there. Yeah, it does.

But it has that horrible thing of, kind of the winter time here, when it's freezing outside and it's roasting inside. Every shop you go into, so you kind of panic by really quickly. Everything that you don't need for far more than you would typically spend because you're too warm and it's all very stressful. But yeah, it did, I mean, it is. Aside from that, it's a really funny place to be.

Yeah, that's just you have such a specific complaint. The temperature difference between the outdoors and the shop itself is such that I buy more quickly. I can't live anymore, I must take my own life.

Tom, Do you have a question for Conan at all?

Yeah, actually, I mean, so, you know, we're in the stage now of kind of festival planning, where we're thinking of ideas for next year. And I guess just, you know, I run the festival with my friend Maria and we're collaborators, we collaborate with each other and with artists. And we wondered whether you have ideas for events that we could run at the festival next year? Or if you yourself would like to come to the festival and put on a show?

Oh, wow, well, first of all, I always I take any excuse to, you know, get in front of a crowd. I'm very sick that way.

We'd almost guarantee you one of those plaques as well. I could say we could do like a special edition.

Oh, listen, Tom, No Tom, I bring my own plaques.

This is actually a great idea. You have to like a blood drinking contest and also like intestines. But they're linked sausages that you have to just keep eating like a hot dog.

Well, that's a werewolf. What are you talking about? Dracula? Dracula doesn't eat your intestines.

You know what you're right, what are you talking about?

I love how you immediately got angry, like, What are you talking about? and I said, Dracula? and you went, Oh right, no, he drinks your blood.

Is that a werewolf, though?

Yeah, a werewolf will disembowels you, rips you up, tosses your innards all around, and then goes running over the hill, going, Oh.

You're right, and I'd like to formally apologize.

And to the Bram Stoker Community, Bram Stoker Estate.

I'd like to have my plaques taken down, I'm sorry.

Hey, is there a Bram Stoker estate? Meaning are there people that still profit from Dracula movies and things like that?

There is, yeah, actually, he's the Bram Stoker Estate. Kind of. Allow us to continue with the festival every year, he has a great grandnephew called Dacre Stoker, who comes to the festival quite often. Who's also an author and has actually written extensively about Dracula, but also wrote a prequel book to Dracula. Can I ask you something?

Does his great grandson ever appear to be someone who's lived for millennia? You know, like he's like hundreds of years old and actually could be Bram Stoker. And does he ever say, well, when I wrote Dracula, er, er, I mean, when my great great M.m, what my great grandfather wrote it, and then you realize that he is in fact Vlad Dracul.

Yeah, he does have a very particular look, so you might be onto something there.

I'm telling you, lean into Dracula because the civil service novel ain't going nowhere fast, Melville, wrote one of those, Bartleby, the Scribner. And it didn't sell. And then he went back to the Giant Fish and again he was in the money. So you got to lean into what works.

Hey, speaking of eating people's intestines, I hear you're quite a cook.

Is that right, good transition?

Yeah, thank you, thank you. I was told to get that in.

Yes, you're a cook, is that right?

So I'm not, I mean, I'm not a professional cook, but it is the thing that I love doing the most. Yeah, and as you know, I enjoy cooking for like big groups of people. But I actually just started seeing someone recently enough who is also a really good cook. And I think he is, in fact, far better than I am.

Which is, that threatens your identity, doesn't it?

Slightly, yeah.

Because you thought of yourself as the great cook, and now this other person comes along and he's the better cook. Can I come to your house?

Can you cook for me? Sure, yeah, we can both cook for you, and then maybe you could decide which one is better.

OK, all right, I don't know that you have the most refined. I don't have any palate. I mean, I have, you know, I'll do anything.

Totally. Ireland's a great place to eat. I think even, you know, a few years ago it might have just been in Dublin, but now across the across the country, there's so many incredible places to eat. And I think, yeah, we had a bad reputation for. You know, like ham and cabbage is like, what people think, you know, is like that.

And well, I think I grew up my mother exclusively. There was a lot of fried ham, a lot of ham, and then fried ham and potato, and potato with fried ham, and then fried ham with potato. It was delicious, it was really good.

Wait a minute, back me up on this Tom in Stoker's Dracula, doesn't? He also turn into a wolf, a werewolf on the demeter?

Have you read Dracula?

You're punching me out here. Have you read Dracula?

I would love if he's just going on and on about. We're reclaiming Bram Stoker.

Yeah, I'm reclaiming Bram Stoker.

I just realized he's a wolf.

He could turn into a wolf, a bat and a mist.

Are you going to fight me on the yes? Everyone knows Dracula eats intestines. Yeah, you really want the sausage thing to happen, because that's just stupid.

I'll take it.

Yeah, yeah, we all know Dracula urinated places to mark them, and he was always chasing cats. What are you talking about?

He could turn into a wolf.

OK, I'm sorry, it's true, right?

You can, yeah, ok.

So yeah, all right.

So we'll indicate it in the most major way, yeah.

All right, well, Tom, I guess that's another suggestion for your Bram Stoker festival. Is some werewolf events? well, not werewolf Dracula turning into a dog.

OK, now you're just poking fun and that's ridiculous.

Well, I'm really happy with myself. Tom, thank you, thank you for reaching, thank you speaking to us.

And I will fight, I'd really appreciate it.

All right, well, happy holidays. Yeah, you too. thank you so much.

Thank you, thank you guys. thanks very much.

Thank you, bye, bye, bye, bye.

Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien. Sona Movsessian and Matt Gourley Produced by Me Matt Gourley executive produced by Adam Sachs. Nick Liao and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.