Disrespectfully - Transition Lenses, Ariana Grande's Boyfriend, and Sprinkle Sprinkle | Episode 4
2024-01-31 01:06:09
Welcome to "Disrespectfully," hosted by Katie Maloney and Dayna Kathan. These two besties have been through their fair share of life experiences. The good, the bad, and the unhinged. In Disrespectfully, they build off those lessons to discuss being unapologetically yourself, getting it wrong, career, mental health, relationships, sex, and whatever else they feel like. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll probably crack a bottle of wine- join Katie and Dayna as they share new episodes Wednesday’s wherever you get your podcasts. Make sure to email us problems, questions, or anything you need advice on at [email protected] and we shall answer them on the pod!
Welcome to, Disrespectfully, with Katie Maloney and Dana Kathan.
Unapologetically, we're here to do what we want to do, spilling the tea.
Babe, you're going to see the power of women, like Disrespectfully.
How is my little COVID queen doing?
Oh god, it sucks. I mean, I had COVID in 2021 and it's, it's no better now.
Does it happen for you exactly the same?
I mean, this time I didn't lose my taste or smell. So at least there's that, because that was, I think, beyond being sick, we all know what being sick feels like, and that, um, sucks no matter what, but like losing your taste and smell is like the worst. But actually, you know what? You don't actually lose it. You just forget.
how to taste and smell, is what I found out. Because it is, because it does affect you in like a neurological sense. You know, when you would test positive, they would like report it to like the county. and then they make calls. They like, will call you to be like, oh, who have you been around?
They like try to get you to like rat people out. Anyway, so I was like, I was just like feeling bored and lonely, as one does when you're quarantining. So I was like, oh, someone to talk to. And I was telling him like, how about it sucks to not be able to taste or smell. And he's, and he was like, well, you know that you can still taste and smell.
You just have forgotten. And I was like, stop it. So he told me that you have to just basically remind yourself that you know how, you know how to. So he said, think of like a smell or taste that you have committed to memory. Like, like coffee was an easy one, or like vanilla or something.
He's like, so like picture, like walking into Starbucks, you know, that smell of coffee. It's like, it's so ready on the brain. And if you have, like a candle or something that is like a coffee scent. So like imagine walking to Starbucks, remembering that smell, and then take a candle and smell it. You'll remember.
And I started doing that. And he's like, you have to do it like multiple times a day. Just keep doing that. I'm telling you, my smell and taste came back within a day.
You're doing the Lord's work right now, because perhaps people at home are listening and they have COVID and they don't have taste or smell and they don't know that.
I hope I changed lives. Because when I had, the only thing I could eat was stuff that was like sweet or cold, or crunchy, or really salty, because those sort of things on my tongue, I could kind of feel the sensation. I could feel the sensation of something sweet. I ate a lot of acai bowls. I'll tell you that much.
That was like a delicacy.
I have been on a hyper fixation acai bowl thing. I've eaten probably four in the last week. And I do this, like I burn out foods, because just in the same way that I hear a new song and I love it and I have to listen to it 50 times. I love acai bowls right now. Kind of my thing.
I saw a funny meme about a song. that was like, when a song that makes you feel like really emotional, or like that touches you in a way. It's like when you hear a song and you like listen to it till all the like emotion is squeezed out of you. And then you come out of it. You're like, all right, who wants to make me feel something?
Since we talked about Nickelback last night, I listened to Should Have Listened at least 20 times. And I was like, I'm so glad I've just let that happen. Yeah. I forgot about how many good songs they have.
You've leaned into the discography. I have.
Well, I do not have COVID. I think I've told you this before. I had swine flu in 2009.. It was called H1N1 and it was an epidemic. It wasn't a pandemic.
I remember that. I think, yeah.
But my small college town got it. And it was like back when we used to play beer pong and you would put the actual drink you were going to consume just straight in the cup instead of water. And then we were in a disgusting frat and then everyone would drink out of the same cups.
The things we used to do, drinking out of the same cup with a bunch of strangers, the same way like beer pong was played, where if you played it in a bar and the ball would just bounce off the table across the floor and you chase after it, pick it up, dunk it in water as if that did anything and then just continue playing. I know now people don't. They'll play, but they'll just play with drinks or with cups filled with water and then they'll drink out of their own cup. But we played old school where we drank what was in the cup that that ball landed in.
Well, perhaps that's why my immunity is so strong now. But yeah, I did that my entire college experience. We didn't start doing that until, I feel like it was even the last few years that's transitioned. But that's insane that we take a ball on the ground, yet you dunk it in your little cup of water, which, by the way, that cup of water wasn't changed the entire game.
No, no.
That was the same cup of water. And how many times is a ball being dunked in it? that's been on the floor, that's touched? Hey, hand, that to me, 50 people's hands, and then you just throw it in your booze?
Not to mention the hands that it touched it. I talked about this like back in October, thinking about Halloween, and like the carnivals I went to. Remember, PV used to bob for apples?
I don't think I've ever done that in my life, but I absolutely have seen it happen. Have you bobbed for an apple?
In my lifetime? Hell yeah, I have. Well, you just, you mouth a gape into a, you know, bucket of water filled with apples and you're just like gargling saliva out, like just going for an apple of all things. An apple, the reward is not even that great. And you're risking who knows what in that vat of disease and germs.
Like. these are the things that we did that were like completely, I guess, normal. back then. Nobody thought that was disgusting or weird or like, maybe we shouldn't do this guys.
It was a different time, but I'm also curious, what are the things in 20 years we're going to look back on right now? that are ridiculous, that we're like, why were we doing that?
Like silent killers.
There's this trend right now on TikTok. It's something about like catches up with me. So it's like a sound and it's a guy being like, don't turn it up all the way. And then there are a few seconds go by and it's like a buzz noise. And people are standing there and acting like, like they're totally normal.
And it's like when blank catches up with me in 20 years and then they like fall to the floor when it buzzes. So what would your thing be? that's going to catch up with you in 20 years. that you've done in your life?
Like not getting enough sleep, maybe like Glade plugins. Those supposedly like aren't great for you. Sleeping with my phone in my bed next to my head.
I do because I listen to audio books and whatnot, and I want to control the volume. So it has to be near my skull, but that can't be good for you. I was thinking about that recently. There's no way that that's not affecting us.
I mean, I thought I was compromising by not using like AirPods anymore and having the Bluetooth like literally in my skull. But like I still got my phone next to my melon all night long.
Well, that's one of the ones that I saw. Someone was like wearing headphones 24-7 finally catches up with me. I'm like, I also do that because I don't like to be in silence.
And not wearing earplugs, going to like concerts and standing next to the speaker. I'm going to have tinnitus for sure.
Yeah, that's also coming for me every day. My phone is like, hey girl, your volume has been at max capacity since 1992, and you should turn that down. I personally don't need that kind of negativity in my life. So I just make the message go away.
You're like, I'm also blind. So I don't see that.
I'm not turning my music down. One of mine was all the macaroni and cheese and hot dogs. Kraft macaroni and cheese and hot dogs I've eaten in my life.
Ooh, hot dogs. We're going to catch up with me.
That's coming for my ass. Absolutely. Also, I saw recently this video of the Kraft like plant that makes Kraft macaroni and cheese blue box, which, you know, I'm such a fan of that I eat at least once a week. And there was the big vats that make it. There was tons of mold and they only clean it every 19 days, apparently.
But I just feel like I've eaten it for probably 30 years of my life and I'm fine. at this point. We'll see what happens in my 60s. So I'm not going to particularly stop. But yeah, it was upsetting to see.
I could have gone my entire life without watching that video.
Yeah. Like. I don't need those like how it's made, kind of shows. Like. I don't want to know how the sauce is just made.
I don't want to know how the chicken nuggets are made. I ate Lunchables growing up. So far, so good.
Lunchables were an absolute delicacy. Are you kidding? I love like if I went on a field trip, I knew I was getting a Lunchable.
Well, why do you think all the millennials are obsessed with like charcuterie and cheese boards? Because we had Lunchables growing up, folks. Like it's, it's a given. My okay. I mean, I always like the classic, you know, turkey, whatever.
But then when they came out, like with the like pizza ones.
I hated the pizza ones.
I mean, that sauce was pretty foul. But like I loved being, I was making my own pizza at lunch. Like that was so cool and novel back then. I don't know. Okay.
Do you know what also made me catch up with, like all the frozen dinners, like the kid cuisines? Oh man.
Did that come in a blue box? Like the microwavable?
And they had.
Is that what you're talking about? Yes.
The penguin and maybe like a polar bear on it. I remember when you'd heat it up. Sometimes if a bubble over the brownie would go into the mac and cheese and vice versa. But you just sucked it up and ate it anyway.
I would. I mean, not that I've ever done this, but I would to it right now. Take that blob of brownie and stick in the mac and cheese and still eat it. Like I don't even care. It was still delicious.
And I took for granted. growing up. My mom cooked almost every night and home cooked meals. But I would have preferred the.
That you would still eat like microwave dinners.
Yeah, but I'm disgusting. I could find an entire meal at 7-Eleven.
Listen, I'm not against that on like a desperate, like road trip to have like. You know, one of those like taquitos on one of those roller things for sure. I'm not against, like some frozen stuff, but like not one of those Hungryman meals, or like one of those that come in a tray and they have little compartments. Like I don't know about those these days. What if you were at a guy's house and you're like, I'm really hungry, can I make something?
And you went into his freezer and he had like a stock full of Hungryman.
I mean, it goes back to what does the rest of the apartment look like? Are there the navy sheets? What's like?
I think you could guess what the bedroom looked like, as well as the bathroom.
That man has Irish soap, just that bar of Irish soap, and it's really little. And that's what that's the only thing that's in his shower.
It's like in a couple of pieces.
And there's like beard or pube trimmings on the sink.
Oh, that's what that man's situation looks like.
There's just like toothpaste all over the faucet and just.
You don't, we can't even talk about the toilet.
That's his toothbrush. His toothbrush looks like it's been like chewed by a dog.
Oh, it has the flare. It's it's like giving duck nails, but for toothbrush.
Also, that's the same toothbrush he's had since 2014,, I would say.
Wait, OK, I want to ask you what some of your immediate aches are now that we're on the topic, because that I mean, anything inside of a man's apartment will give me an immediate almost. If, especially if it's not condition. I've I'm telling you, I've like risked UTIs because I did not want to use a man's bathroom. Oh, yeah. I was like, I already just know what the condition of this is going to be.
So I'm going to risk it and just.
Go home, and I know that's going to take me a moment.
And if you've had an UTI, you know the agony that that, like that's one of the worst pains available to. I mean, I'm sure it hurts for men, too. But for women, that's, and we all know how important that post-sex pee is to avoid that.
You know, I wasn't ready to catch an ick from the bathroom just yet. I wanted to. I wanted to like live blissfully ignorant for a little bit longer.
Sometimes I don't want to know. Delulu, is this Lulu, as we have discussed immediate aches? for me. This one's weird because it's pretty specific to the situation that I was in. I before Ick was a buzzword.
I was on a date once and I was bowling with this guy. And I love to bowl and I'm a pretty good bowler. And he got a pair of shoes that were way too big for him because he didn't want to say out loud what his shoe size was in front of me. Oh, he asked for a pair of 11s. I heard him.
He's like, actually, these are a little big. I'll be right back. And I heard him because we were right near the cashier. He needed a size nine, which that's fine. I'm not trying to shame you, but like he clearly was so insecure about that.
So I'm like, are you trying to bowl in clown shoes right now? Like, these? don't fit you, sir. And I will never forget. I was still kind of on the fence about him.
And he went up to go bowl. First of all, he also chose a ball that was like very, very light. And he did this twinkle toes thing that was. it's like Freddie Rubble or whatever from the Flintstones. But it was like the like daintiest little weird thing.
And the way he, the position that he felt, and after he threw the ball, I immediately was like, oh, we're done. I'm never seeing this person again. So I would say someone who bowls in a very specific way, and it's dainty looking.
Well, I feel like bowling is one of those things that, like, could really make or break a situation, because you could easily catch that from somebody. I feel like somebody would catch that from me bowling.
I'm sorry. It's different for women to like a woman. You could, you could do anything. And I'd say you'd look cute like it, look precious. That was one of the most shocking.
I've never gone from being like, I could maybe sleep with this person to being like, keep your clothes all the way on. I prefer you in a ski suit and I never want to speak to you again. What's an ick for you?
I know this might seem kind of like superficial, but someone has like really bad, like eyewear, like sunglasses or just regular glasses. You know, ones that just don't fit the face.
I don't think that's superficial at all. If someone has transition lenses, I'm not going to S their D.
Tom definitely had transition lenses.
No.
In one of his glasses because he wouldn't wear contacts. So he always, like he either like, couldn't see or had to carry eyeglasses and his sunglasses. So he had these, like transition ones, for a while that I was like, yo.
And now you're divorced. A plus B equals.
Listen, I know, like Oakley's made a comeback, but you know those guys and I'm just like, if a guy showed up in Oakley's and I wasn't expecting it, I'd be like, you know, I don't know. I just like just ill-fitting or bad dated ones. It's like it takes like no work to just try on a pair that look nice or fit your face or, I don't know, just like it'll give me an ick. What do your shoes look like? Are you going to also show up in wrinkly clothes?
Like just someone that just it, just it just shows that you don't really take a lot of pride in your appearance. It just seems like you just didn't even bother.
Have you ever seen pit vipers?
What?
Okay, so you have it. So pit vipers are. they're these like really big and they're intentional, looking like they're made to look like the 80s, like neon colors. They say like pit viper.
I know it. Yeah. Yeah.
I cannot stand those and look to each their own. If any of you or your man's listening at home, wear them to each their own. But personally for me, I see those and I'm like this person was president January 6th. This is an insurrectionist. Like.
I don't feel safe around them. So personally for me, I get it with the eyewear. Speaking of clothes, this is a forever ick for me. Those brown leather flip flops, they're like rainbow flip flops on men. specifically.
I just cannot stand it.
If you have, I love that. Danny Pellegrino calls them grippers. Your grippers out, your toes. If you got your toes out and you're not at the beach, what the fuck are you doing? And I know Tom did this all the time.
And it's like, I, just, I let it slide. I don't know. Became like his fucking signature. But like truly anyone, anyone that's wearing, you know, flip and you're just like not at the beat. Like, if it's not like a sandal, that's like a fashion sandal.
If you're wearing flip flops and you're not like coming from a Pilates class and it's not like an athletic sort of type moment, if you're like going out to a restaurant or something and you got your fucking grippers out, like I'm going to bomb.
Even the beach, though, those brown leather flip flops wear slides or something. I just can't handle that.
You just can't handle them in. general.
I don't care if you are in Hawaii. I don't care if you're on a boat. I don't want to see them. I will push you overboard, like in a quick way. So those, that's how deep that runs for you.
But yeah, if I saw flip flops on a man at a bar, I've definitely seen that in the wild. Like you have no chance. It's not happening.
I mean, just bad toes.
PSA for all men out there. I'm sure we would have like three listeners, but tell every man in your life, get a pedicure. You can get a pedicure. They're not only for women. You don't have to get OPI red on your toes.
if you don't want to. You don't have to paint them. But men with bad feet, and I mean bad, like they have not taken care of. That's the same duck nail toothbrush guy. His feet, they're not good.
And same with your fingers. Like if you got dirty ass fingernails. I mean, it just goes along with like hygiene in general. Like if you got dirt under your fingernails, I don't want to get too close to you.
Not to be crass, but I'm thinking about those hands on me and maybe in me. So if they look dirty and like, no, I can't have that.
It just doesn't take any time to like. take a look at your fingernails. Like take a little brush under them. Take a little like, I don't know, cuticle stick and just clean your fucking fingernails. Or if you got like hangnails and like your cuticles are like, just, it just grosses me out.
I'm such like a hand person because like that is like one of my things. I always notice people's hands, especially when they're nice, like major turn on. So if you got bad hands and bad nails, like ick.
That's an anti-ick for both of us. When someone has good hands, like I'll look at your hands quicker than I'll look at most, like everything else. Like a nice pair of hands, is like, I'd love to see it. Back in the ick vein, I would say that these go together. Abuse of emojis and bad grammar.
Yeah. If you don't know the difference between your and your and their, their and their, there will be no future for us.
Yeah, that's 100%.
Overuse of emoji. Can you think of something grosser?
Of a single emoji, or just like you use a lot of emojis?
I'd say a lot of emojis. In a paragraph, if you're describing to me what you're doing, you're like going swimming and then you put a swimming person, emoji. And then like a sun.
Yeah. Because I mean, I like emojis. Like. I use a lot of like the smiley type emojis and things like that, but I don't use them to describe every situation in every sentence. I don't use them to like emote.
No, there's a time and a place. I love an emoji. I use the faces too. And it's like they can do that also. But when people abuse them, like you can tell, you just know when someone is being too much.
Use your words.
Better yet, use your actions.
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Okay. Basement behavior. Who's in your basement this week?
Me.
COVID's in the basement this week, actually. Not me. COVID. Everyone's saved this week because I'm ill. So everyone is saved from the wrap.
You open the garage, you let everyone else out.
Yeah, I was like, everybody out. I'm going in the basement this week.
Well, I look forward to your week of rest and then hearing who's in your basement again next week.
Who's in yours?
This has been bothering me so much. Family influencers. All of them. All of you, are in the basement. I think it's weird.
I've been seeing so much of it. on TikTok. Someone had posted. near Christmas, a family was very obviously about to get on a flight to go somewhere, and they all had Santa hats on. And it reminded me of that scene from Step Brothers when they're singing in the car.
Like that kind of family, that was the energy they were giving. And someone recorded them from across the airport and was like, they had a choreographed dance and had done, they did it multiple times. And I'm like, intense family influencers that do that, that do all the TikTok trends and whatever. You know they're making. these kids do multiple takes and they're like, and not to mention, they're exposing them on the internet.
I just, I think it's so weird and it gives me such cringe and I block all of them. Not that they would care, but I just don't want to see it.
I did see one today and there was this like little, two little girls are like, we're Gen A influencers. Of course we shop at, of course our favorite stores are Sephora and Ulta. We're Gen A influencers. Of course we're obsessed with skincare. And they had more videos.
I was like, I hate this. They were like six years old.
Actually, that's what did remind me of this specifically. That gave me the ick in a way, like just creeped me out. Those kids' mom, I'm pretty sure, was the same woman that her husband, so they were a unit, right? The husband, wife, and the kids were a family of influencers. And then the husband cheated on the mom and she made an entire series of videos about it.
And there's also something to be said for what we put out on the internet for children specifically that don't have a say in it, that you're putting all of their shit on blast. And then in 20 years, they're gonna have access to that on the internet. So I get that you need to tell, you wanting to tell your own story or whatever. But if you're a family influencer unit and something goes wrong to then make a series about that and then keep going with your kids, like they're sled dogs, like making these videos, very bizarre.
That's 100% true. I feel like they're also the types that were like at the target buying all the Stanley Tumblers.
The moms in that were punching people to get the Valentine's Day Stanley Tumbler drop.
I don't understand the craze.
I am guilty. It is literally delivering to my house today. I have a Hydro Flask that I've had for like four years and it's so, the mouth of it is so narrow. It's really hard to clean. So I needed a new water bottle and that giant one is big.
That's why it appeals to me. It's just, it's easier to clean. And I also drink water a lot. So I like a big amount of it near me. So yeah, that, but do I get overzealous, psychotic, fighting people for them?
No, I do not.
Apparently it's not as easy to clean, because I saw somebody taking one apart and there was like mold in the lid because it comes apart. So you got to take the whole damn thing apart. I just don't understand, because the whole thing is like it's supposed to be so durable and last for so long that it's like the only thing you ever need. Why do people have so many? They're like collecting them, laminating like the limited edition, like tags on them.
Like they're fucking beanie babies. This is embarrassing behavior. This is basement behavior, actually.
One of the most unhinged TikToks I've seen in recent weeks, this girl, it was like an aesthetic one. You know, the ASMR, where people are like cleaning or doing whatever. She opens her cabinet. She has, I kid you, not, 20.. They're in the cabinet.
So they are clean. She takes them out to undo all of them and do a mass cleaning in her sink. And I'm just like, what is the point of that? They were clean. So now you're just recleaning them to show it on TikTok and, like flex, your stock.
She got that kind of time? Does she want to come to my place and clean? Like, ma'am.
I mean, yeah, I have a litter box she could tackle, but it's, yeah, it's just bizarre. Last thing, that's in my basement, Ariana Grande's boyfriend, that weird guy that is playing Spongebob and is, yeah, his smile, that specifically. What is that? He did an interview when he was talking and he pauses and he only smiles with one half of his mouth. And it's, he, I don't understand the appeal of this person at all.
You know what it reminds me of? The purple witch from Hocus Pocus. Whatever her name is, that's how she smiles. She smiles like that, with just one half of her face.
Yeah. You're good at it. What is that?
Yeah, his smiles in the basement. Okay, so her new song that's out, that's Yes, And. What do you think about it? Because people are saying, it's her basically saying like, yeah, I broke up with marriage. Yes, and.
Do you think that's what it's about?
Oh, is it? That's what TikTok is talking about. That she's basically saying like, yeah, I hear what you all are saying. I don't care. I'm with this person.
Because allegedly, her now weird smiling, ginger beau was married and had been with this woman since high school. And then they just had a baby. And they met on the set of Wicked. And then allegedly had an affair. And then it broke up both their marriages.
So I don't know. Do you think that's what happened?
I did read something about the timeline. Because I'm like, hold on. When did they meet? And the baby? Because his ex-wife was talking about how she just feels like, she's like, she is not a girl's girl.
She was our friend. We went out with her. We hung out with her. She held our baby.
If that is true, that that song is saying, yes, and, that is a psychotic thing to do after you ruin someone's life.
Yeah. I mean, people are always trying to like, read into things and speculate. I haven't like, listened to... I listened to the song, but I wasn't like, listening to. like, the lyrics, to, like, you know, decipher, like, figure out what it's about or what they mean.
But damn.
Do you know what I've been listening to? Obsessively.
Nickelback.
Besides Nickelback. I have been really into audiobooks lately because it's like, mostly when I'm falling asleep instead of listening to podcasts. when ads come up and it can like, disrupt your sleep. I like falling asleep to them. And I just found out Spotify has most of the like, main new titles for free.
I just listened to the Situations audiobook from Jersey Shore. And it was fascinating. I didn't realize what a massive drug problem he had during that entire show. Like, he basically went into detail behind the cameras of what he had to do to... Because production would not allow it and was getting really mad at him.
And so he would do these Mission Impossible-esque stunts to get drugs for himself. So that was really crazy to hear. And then obviously he went to jail, so I wasn't sure what the deal was with that. So it was interesting to hear. Paris Hilton's is so upsetting.
That, you know, she went to one of those bad kid camps.
Yeah, in Utah. One of those like, wilderness things. Yeah. Crazy.
So I like, had watched her YouTube documentary or whatever, but she goes into serious detail. And what these people do to these kids is unbelievable that it's legal and they're still operating. It was so upsetting.
I watched the documentary thing on Netflix. It was about this camp, this guy that started this camp and then, like, basically got... He was facing like, charges in court because somebody died.
She was saying multiple kids had died in the years since she had left at these camps she went to.
Yeah. And then he basically got off and then rebranded his whole, you know, thing that he does. And then it was, next thing. you know, it was like some nautical camp on a boat somewhere. I mean, it was wild.
Well, it's just sad because basically what they say is they manipulate vulnerable families. They come in and say, hey, your kids, down this path, we can save them, whatever. And then they tell them, the kids are going to call you and they're going to lie to you and say all this stuff is happening so that you'll bring them home. So they basically cover their ass and it's actually happening to them. And she was in it for almost two years.
That's a long time and a long part of her youth. So that was crazy to hear. But also, she is so smart and beautiful and amazing and has built a career off people thinking that she was stupid and underestimating her. And I'm just really happy for her.
No, I think she's brilliant. And anyone that doesn't is just stupid.
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I do really want to talk about Sprinkle, Sprinkle.
The one I've seen is Shira.
Shira is sort of like the one that's brought the Sprinkle Sprinkle to the forefront. I mean, maybe other people have like talked about it, but you know, she's the one that's kind of dubbed it Sprinkle Sprinkle. So if anyone doesn't know, essentially Sprinkle Sprinkle is sort of like this sort of method or attitude or approach you have to dating and meeting men, where you essentially kind of act like a bitch or that you are the ultimate prize. You would typically want men to cater to you, bow down to you, buy things for you, like, put you on an ultimate like pedestal, and it's wild.
I once read a comment that said that she is not a relationship advice expert. She's a financial advisor.
No, truly. She's like, you're going to put on a nice dress. You're going to go sit at a bar. You could, I mean, just like it's, it is pretty like ballsy cutthroat advice. I don't, what are your thoughts?
Well, first of all, she is so funny and so quick with the, she'll like read people. People will send in problems or questions and she'll like respond to it. I think she's amazing. It's controversial. I mean, also she calls them dusties, and it's basically referring to a group of men that are inept and basically hate women, and they get really fired up about her.
But what she basically says is men have had the upper hand for years and have taken advantage of the system that they designed, and so she's basically like, get yours. So her entire thing is always basically get money out of men and, you know, as you're dating them, that's what you should be looking for and seeking out. I think she's amazing. And if people want to get all mad, get mad. But some men are willing to do that.
So if that's what you want, then get it.
It's definitely a very interesting concept, because I think, you know, a lot of women, they want to be taken care of and provided for in a financial aspect. And I say, get that, that's what you want. I mean, for me, I'm kind of like, I don't see myself in that position or situation as much as like I get a kick out of what she says and just like her, like kind of like no bullshit kind of attitude, and it's very entertaining to me. For me, I'm just like, I can never see myself in that position.
I grew up in a household where we were broke a lot, and my mom instilled in me very young, first of all, really wanted us to go to college, but was like, never depend on a man ever. So I personally don't think I would ever be able to do that. Like I've always been very self-sufficient. However, I love the concept and also I really do believe most men cheat, or a lot of men cheat. And so I heard something once that was like, most men are going to cheat on you.
So you might as well cry on a yacht.
That's just like my opinion. It's just like, I don't want to have to, like, ever rely on them for anything except for emotional support. I like the progressiveness about how, like, yeah, men have had the upper hand. And so I think women should just sort of flip the system and use it to their advantage. I agree with all of that.
I just think that, like it does, take it to a bit of extreme.
Money and power go hand in hand, right? So if this person is supplementing your life, then yeah, there's a chance. you're also giving something up as far as your own agency. But I don't know. I think she's also not that serious.
I think she means it, and that's how she has navigated her life. But I think she's also just very funny, and that's how she sees the world.
People take it so seriously, though. She's like, if a man wants to take you out, you say, great. I need $300 to get my hair done, get my nails done and buy something new. I could never imagine saying that to somebody. I just want somebody to be more action-based, really show up, put in effort.
I don't need their money. Just pay for a date and be intentional about it. I don't need you to pay for me to get my nails done. What the hell? It's just weird to me.
I think that's, I don't know. Okay, there was this girl who I saw at TikTok, and she's like, I got sprinkle, sprinkled by a guy. And she's living in Barcelona. She met this guy. He's 30..
She's like, we started going out. And he would make some comments about how he maybe didn't have a ton of money, but whatever. So on our first date, she goes, I ended up paying for the first date. So she set this precedent that she didn't mind picking up the bill. She's like, and then he was over at my house one time or at my place, and he cooked dinner.
And she's like, oh, well, this is great. She goes, you cook for me and I will pay the bills. Like, kind of just jokingly, making it like, kind of like, that'll be our balance here. And so then she was looking for a place to live and he was helping her out with that. And, or she was like, why are you sending me two bedrooms?
He's like, well, we need to, you know, where am I going to put like my stuff? There won't be enough room. And she was kind of like, okay, ha ha. And he's like, and it needs to be pet friendly. And she's like, okay, but like, so you're going to pay for your place and also help pay for this place.
And he goes, why would I do that? What do you mean? He goes, well, you said like I'll cook and you will pay the bills. And she goes, I wasn't being serious. And so she goes, then I like, I left for like a month.
I was like doing my thing over here. And then I, kind of like, forgot about things a little bit. I came back, she goes, I booked us a trip to go to like, I don't know, they met in Portugal or something. She's like, I paid for the hotel. I was paying for like a lot of like meals.
He was getting like a breakfast or lunch here and there. And I kind of like, she basically started to bring up how, like she thinks that maybe like they should start like splitting things or at least paying like their own portion of things. And he thought it was like so inappropriate and so cheap that she would even like bring up the fact that, like they should talk about costs like that. She eventually just had to like end it because she was like, I was getting like just fully taken advantage. She goes, does it feel nice that I was able to be someone's like sugar mama for a little while?
Yeah, but I wasn't trying to be that permanently. Like what the fuck?
I think that Shira would describe him as the mayor of Dustyville, the president, founder, CEO.
But I mean, like, well, that's a dream scenario for a lot of people. Like you got to make sure that you're barking up the right tree there.
It's not for everyone. So it's the same thing if a woman presents herself that way to a man in her philosophy. Yeah, some people also wouldn't subscribe. Some men would be like, ugh, no. I mean, I think there's something to be said for, like splitting the difference or happy medium, because this is a hot take and kind of controversial.
But I, for first dates, am a big fan of coffee dates. And I see a lot of people all over TikTok being like, he doesn't actually want to date you. if he won't take you to dinner. He needs to take you to dinner, blah, blah, blah. I love a coffee date because I don't want to waste my time.
I don't want to get stuck on a two hour dinner with someone if the date goes badly. And it's during the daytime, so it's safer. And it's just like, it's just the qualifier to see if you even qualify to be someone I want to spend time with. But I went on a coffee date once. And the guy, he had been talking about how he had been going on dates.
And he was like, yeah, it is frustrating as a guy. You just like pay for all this or whatever. And I was like, yeah, that's why I like coffee dates. And I got there and he got there a few minutes before me. And he had already gotten his own coffee and didn't ask me if I had wanted anything.
And I just kind of stood there and he was like, oh, are you gonna grab a coffee? And I was like, yeah, I guess. And I went up and I purchased my own coffee.
And I was furious. I'm like, I am not someone who wants anything from anyone, but you literally can't spend $5 on a coffee. You asked me out. So if we're going on a coffee date, that is where I draw the line. That was like the most, I should have just walked out.
Like I wanted you. I was like, imagine someone asking you out and they literally will not buy you coffee.
No, and it's like, I know it's like, sometimes. you want to be like progressive and be like, oh, like, but it's like, no. If you're asking someone out and you're like, meet me at this place. I want to meet you. I'm interested in you.
You really should. It just as a gesture, like, not even just to be like, what I just, that is so.
I said we should split the difference as far as like where we're meeting. And he picked a place right near where he lived and which was like 20 minutes. for me. It was not convenient. Also, this is so random, but I walked in and Brock was sitting there, Sheena's husband.
And this was like at 9am on a random day. And I was like, oh, hey, Brock, how are you? I hadn't seen him in a long time. And then I walk over and we're like at the table next to them. So Brock watched this entire interaction take place.
And I was mortified. I'm like, wow, for anyone, you know, to see that. I was like, this is. and then, oh, and then after the date, I obviously was like, oh, I can't wait to never see this person again. He really liked me and wanted to see me again.
And I was like, like, I'm so forthcoming. If I'm not into someone, I cut it. I'm just like, yeah, I don't have a romantic connection. Don't want to waste our time. Bless.
And he was like, I think you're wrong. I think we do need to see each other again. He was like, it was pretty obvious to me the connection we had and blah, blah, blah. And I was like, what are? we didn't have a connection, but also imagine someone trying to convince you that you had a connection and that you're wrong, like gaslighting you into going out with them again.
Can't take a hint.
The wheels had fallen off. That guy's also in my basement. Folgers, is what we're going to call you. You're in my fucking basement. Should we do WWDD?
Yes, let's do WW.
DD. DD. COVID brain.
That's the COVID you just short circuited.
Anonymous said, any advice on how you handle a shift in energy. while dating? EG, you've been on several dates, been intimate, but then they suddenly start texting you less. Need some advice on keeping my cool, because I definitely start picking myself apart and question whether I said or did something wrong. PS, love your pod.
Help a single girl out. Oh man, I can write the fucking book on energy shifts.
Same.
What is your initial reaction to this?
Well, there's an old saying called, he's just not that into you, unfortunately.
And it's like you said last week, I only want what wants me. I mean, this is just, it's just, it's so fucking classic.
You just gotta like move on. I don't know what to say. It sucks so bad because you just, you feel like it's good. You feel like it's going well. You're like, this could really be a thing.
You feel like you have that connection. And then all of a sudden they just like drop off. Like you just got to take it for what it is.
First of all, completely agree. Second of all, do not let these people gaslight you into thinking that nothing has changed. We're all smart. We're all intuitive. You can tell it's abundantly clear.
He's just not that into you. They talk about the exception versus the rule. I think the rule is, when they start acting, different, they have lost interest. They have met someone else. They are not prioritizing you.
So if you have seen that they are communicative and they're making a priority and then that changes, it's over. And, by the way, any person that you're spending time with, if they make you feel like you have to question everything you say or do, and you're sitting on pins and needles and you're waiting by your phone, that is not someone you want to spend energy on. I used to do this. And also this person, it's possible. you have an anxious attachment style.
So that kind of person is always going to light it up. And it does, it makes you feel crazy and it makes you feel like shit. So why would you want to sit with someone that makes you feel that way? So, personally, if this is me, I'm done responding to them. And if they reach out trying to get you on the hook again and you feel the need for closure and want to say something, I would just respond back and say, hey, your inconsistency in communication is really unattractive to me.
So I'm not going to be able to spend time with you anymore, but wish you well.
Yeah, I agree with everything you just said.
Peace out, Cub Scout. Like, no.
On to the next. It has nothing to do with you either. Just know that it has zero to do with you.
Nothing to do with you. So, and by the way, I know how much that sucks. I have experienced it more times that I'd like to recount and make room in your life for someone that actually wants to be there. Pretty please.
Next. Anonymous. I'm 31,, single, homeowner, no children. I was in a relationship for seven years in my early 20s and have been single for six years. I am the only single girl in my friend group.
Your podcasts have described my dating experience so far, aka Ghostbusters. What advice would you give to not compare my life to my friends and not feel behind?
I think everyone is always on their own path and plan. And I think, like I've said before, life is not meant to be lived linear. And just because your friends have their own sort of path and their own journey going on right now, it doesn't mean that you should be on that same journey and that same path. And I think you've got a lot going on. You got your own home.
I mean, having no kids, unless you want kids, but I mean, like you get to kind of do what you want to do right now. So enjoy that, because that will come one day. And then that's, you know, life right there.
Comparison, like they say, thief of joy. But I think you have a lot to be happy about right now. And you get to enjoy so much about your life and you get to do what you want to do. And you still get to hang out with your friends and design your life the way you want it to be. I know it can be hard sometimes, because you'll look around you and be like, oh, well, I kind of wish I had those things.
And I kind of wish I had this. But I guarantee you, they're looking at you being like, I kind of wish I had what she has. Everyone always, you know, grass is always greener kind of thing. So I think we need to just not always be looking at other people's pages and be more excited about what's on our own.
Get out of my brain, Katie Maloney. I was just about to say comparison is a thief of joy. So this has been a fixture in my life for many years that I have just overcome, honestly, in the last year or two. Spent so much time not focusing on everything that was going right in my life because I was looking at these milestones that I thought I needed to achieve, that a lot of people around me had. And that kept me in a place of misery and lack and was not bringing me any closer to any of the goals that I had.
So, first of all, you're a homeowner and you're 31.
Sprinkle, sprinkle to yourself. Good for you. That's amazing. I have also been single pretty much for like seven years. When I say that, I've had a lot of small relationships, like three to six months, but no one I've really been in love with in a long time.
And forever, I made that my whole personality and was like, what's wrong with me? And looked internally when I didn't realize, yeah, I had a lot of work to do, but it had nothing to do with me. You haven't found the right person at this point. That's totally fine. It's okay to be the only single one.
I guarantee you. half of the people you know are in miserable relationships. And right now it's highlighted that like, oh, all these people together, but the divorce rate in this country is 56%. And we're not even factoring within that people who stay in unhappy relationships. So obviously we want the people we love to be in great, happy relationships, but it's just not always the case.
So do not compare apples to oranges. You are living your best life. Continue investing in yourself and promise you, you're going to be just fine.
Amen.
You're not left behind. So stop feeling that way. Knock it the fuck off. That's my advice.
Nicole says, I'm currently in college right now and would love to hear things you wish you knew in your 20s.
How much time do we have left in this podcast? My God.
I wish I knew that I wasn't going to know it all. That my job wasn't to know it all. And even when I thought I did, I didn't know shit.
I wish I had stayed more present and not taken myself so seriously of always having all these goals. And goals are good. It's good to work toward things. But even back then, I was benchmarking based on what I thought success should look like and what other people had achieved. So I wish I had just stayed a lot more present in where I was in my life and go through the learning experience, because your 20s are unserious.
They're supposed to be. Like that's when you develop who you are and your entire story is developing.
And it just makes me sad that when I was 26,, 27,, 28, that I felt behind in life. where I'm like, no matter what age you are, you're always where you are, is where you're supposed to be. And you just have to kind of let it happen. So I wish that I had let go more of all these... Honestly, it was negative self-talk about that.
I wasn't at the right place in my life and had just leaned into more of the fun and the journey and not worrying about how I was going to get to where I wanted to go, but more trusting that I just would. Because I have. It has worked out and it will continue to work out. So much more trust in yourself and living of your life and not worrying about what other people around you are doing.
I think it's so much easier said than done because you're going to no matter what. But I just think that just trusting that life's process is so... It's just worth it, you know? I think, yeah, when it just... In your 30s, things kind of start to click together.
I wish I knew how young 20s are. You don't really fully grasp that until you're out of it, your 20s.
You're a zygote. You're a fetus. You haven't even been born yet. So it's just like nothing... 98% of situations that you are going to face in your 20s are things that you can come back from.
If you make a mistake, don't beat yourself up so much. Don't live in the past. Don't dwell. Just try your best to be present and let it flow.
I also feel like it's the last long decade too. I feel like 20s last so long. And now, once you turn 30, it's like time speeds up.
Yeah, it's going to go real fast. So just try and say... Yeah, and also I feel like we have... All of us collectively have so many icky experiences in our 20 that ultimately we're going to be grateful for. But when you're going through all of that and you're not sure of yourself and you're insecure, it feels like a lifetime.
But it is going to go by like that.
Totally. Okay.
Anonymous says, Where can you suggest a six-year-old woman meet someone who doesn't have enormous baggage? Any suggestions? Well...
Well, I would say Cougar Town. If you're looking for people who don't have baggage.
I know, because anyone I think that is of that age is probably going to have some history. Probably going to have some mileage behind them, which is going to entail some baggage.
You have to set realistic expectations. Because if you're wanting to date someone who's also around the same age as you, they probably will. Unless, of course, you come to LA, in which case they'll be first, you know, 60-year-olds are just looking for a serious relationship. So they probably won't have baggage because they are Peter Pan. But other than that, you have to just have the right expectations.
And then, or you can just date someone way younger. But I love that you're like, horned up and wanting to date.
Yeah, I think, having realistic expectations that people have baggage, big and small. So just understand that, you know, just you got to understand what kind of baggage you can deal with.
Are you good with a carry-on? Then you can, you know, find someone who has that.
Yeah, write it down, right? Write it down and be specific. But if you want to know specifically, I think, just like, where would be some good places that, like people that are relatively normal? We go hang out.
I mean, you're going to hate this because you don't do it. But I think that dating apps, especially for older people or divorcees, because then you can put those parameters in. Like, I think that is super beneficial. But then, other than that, go to a nice hotel, bar or restaurant and like, sit at the bar and have a nice meal and a martini.
Oh, really? Yeah, like a really nice hotel, lobby bar would be a good spot, I feel like.
You want to be surrounding yourself with the type of people that you want to be dating. So if that is what you're into, what you're looking for, I think that's a great start. But also dating apps. But yeah, set those expectations.
Yeah, I think dating apps is a good way for people to kind of like display their baggage in a way that it's more presentable.
Acceptable, yeah.
Anonymous says, what advice would you give a woman in her mid-20s who's feeling like they're lacking excitement in their life? For context, I have a very good job that I love. I am the sole owner of a home. I have a wonderful dog that I also love. And a long-term boyfriend who's my best friend.
I just have been feeling stuck. I would love some suggestions on how to make my life more than just replaying the same life every day.
I get it. Monotony can creep in and feel like a little bit mundane. But this is where you get to explore autonomy and, like your independence and things that you love to do. So I think you get to just like, kind of like, spend time on your own, away from, like your partner. Because I think you can kind of like lose identity that way a little bit.
And if you have a supportive partner, they'll love that. you're exploring things that you love to do, that make you uniquely you. So I think you got to like, really kind of sit with yourself and find out what are those things that you really enjoy doing that make you excited about life, that, you know, make you passionate. So, whether it's like something on a creative end or crafty end, or like hobby side of things, is there a sport or activity that you've always wanted to try? I think just kind of marinating on those ideas.
Would be a good place to start.
Yeah, also all these young homeowners, so proud of you. That's amazing. I think that something that you really should try in terms of, okay, so you sit with yourself and you try and figure out what interests you. You need to get uncomfortable and get out there. I, for instance, over the last few years have taken up a lot of different hobbies and like tennis and roller skating and scuba diving, and wanted to try all these things.
Like I'm currently looking for a piano teacher that kind of filled my cup. And so you need to figure out what it is that you would be interested in, something that sounds exciting, and then you have to just go try it. And I think it's amazing to have a partner, but, like Katie said, if they're a supportive partner, they're going to be just excited that you're doing these things. Do it alone. Like you're going to go take a group class, go, put yourself in a situation that you wouldn't normally.
And not only are you going to end up having fun, because I know that you will, but then you'll be able to find what do I need to add into my routine outside of my job? that makes me feel good. I have a nine to five job. This podcast. is that for me.
So figure out what interests you and what you want to do, and then just get out there and do it. Don't talk about doing it. Just do it.
Totally. Last one, anonymous, SOS.
What should I do if I know my bestie is in a super toxic relationship and they keep lying about it? Toxic as in, he love-bombed her into living in his old room at his parents' house while he's at CalArts. She isn't allowed to have any guy friends. She pays for everything and he's insecure. Bestie feels more comfortable talking to someone not as close to her about her problems, I think, because I don't sugarcoat my thoughts about her bad relationships.
I'm just trying to look out for her, I swear. Whoa.
Oh, I have so many thoughts on this because I am usually this friend in my friend's life, because I'm the same way. I am incapable of sugarcoating it and I think that there is a point at which, if people are coming to it for advice and then they're not taking it, that's one situation. But I think it's a blaring red flag when someone will not go to a person in their life. that holds up a mirror for them because they don't want to hear what that person's going to have to say. So I think that that is...
I'm sure you do have her best interest in mind and I'm sure that she's just going to have to come to this. And it's difficult because you're watching this bad thing happen, but people have to decide on their own time whether they're going to stay in a toxic relationship or leave it. So I think all you can do is state your opinions and set those boundaries that if it is too much for you and you want to stay friends with this person, then maybe it's a thing where you can't talk about it at all and you don't want to spend time with that partner. that's bad for them. But I absolutely feel for you and I've honestly been in this situation so many times in my life.
It's a really difficult one to manage, but I say don't change your ways. Stay being honest and pointing things out, but again, being supportive, because when and if they break up, you want them to be able to come to you.
Yeah. I mean, I've been in this situation a few times and we've seen it play out even on Vanderpump Rules with certain people, because I want to be able to be very open and honest and direct with people. I don't want to be that yes-man to my friends and I want them to know that I'm always going to be honest with them and not just blow smoke up their ass, that they can always come to me for the realness. And what happens then is that sometimes, when they don't want to hear the truth, they're not going to come to me, and that makes me feel sad.
But at the end of the day, you don't want to enable something that you know isn't right for them, but they have to figure that out on their own. That's the only way that they're going to learn and not keep this kind of toxic sort of relationship happening in their life. I mean, you can just, yeah, again, set healthy boundaries and let them know that like, hey, I don't really approve of this. I know you deserve better. I'm here for you if you want to talk about it, but you know how I feel about it.
And I just want you to figure this out for yourself. I'll be here for you when you need me. Like leave the door open, but let them know what you have, a firm stance and opinion on it all.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. Earlier. when I was saying that it's a big red flag, I think you don't want to attack her, but just keeping it open, say, I think that it speaks volumes, that you feel like you can't talk to me about this because I'm going to be honest with you. But exactly. And then, you know what Katie said.
And maybe they should consider that as well.
Exactly.
Yeah.
All right, my little COVID queen. Can't wait to see you in person next week.
I can't wait to see you in person. And y'all, thanks for writing in. Continue to send us your questions and tell the advice that you're seeking out. Thanks for keeping your questions short.
Yes, and please send them to disrespectfullypod at gmail.
com.
Amen. All right. Well, until next time.
All right. Just love you so much.
Love you so much.
Bye.
Babe,
you're going to see the power of women.
Like, disrespectfully.
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