"Mike Birbiglia"

Hey guys, so if I had a dollar for every time somebody comes up to me and asks me what my morning routine is, I'd be like a billionaire. Here's what my morning routine is. I get up and then I brush my teeth. Welcome to the smart list.

One, smart list.

So, uh, so we'll, um, uh, had a dinner party the other night that, uh, I was invited to. Sean was invited to, we were both there. You were invited to as well, but you were working down in, uh, in Atlanta and, um, about halfway through it, maybe halfway, uh, someone said, yeah, Sean and Scotty left.

They're gone.

They're, they're gone. So now's your chance. I haven't seen you talk to you since it was, did you have a sickness or something?

I have this thing about the dog. I have this thing about like leaving the dog for more than four hours.

The dog that he left for eight months in New York, he's worried about leaving for four hours.

Yeah, exactly.

Sean, pick up from there.

No, because the dog was left alone. The dog was left alone. So when the dogs left alone here at the house, who doesn't leave their dogs alone? I know, but not that long. I have like a thing about it.

Well, you got to get over that thing, because that excuse is so outrageous that it's not.

an excuse, and it's a long life. It's a long life.

You can't be tethered to your house, for when you tell people, I got to go because I'm worried about leaving my dog for four hours. They're just going to think you're rude, because no one's going to believe that that's a real thing.

Well, I'm telling you it's, but what if I'm telling you it's a real thing?

Well, then they should say you should go to therapy. because, uh, it's just, it's an, it's an irrational fear.

Well, I don't know.

Well, what do you think people do? You see, have you ever seen, um, you ever seen anyone go to work? Have you ever seen real people go to, go to a job before?

You know, like an eight hour job, which is all those people that you see filled on the.

buses and you're wondering like, fuck, why is this bus holding my lane?

It must be. So. all the dogs are dying while they're on the bus must die all day. Jesus Christ.

All those buses that are filled with people going to do real hard work while you're a.

bunch of dog murderers.

Well, you're rushing to go get your fucking eyes checked.

They obviously don't have a healthy relationship with their pet.

They, they have left the pet and the pet, what it's, it's a little lower on the list of priorities. You know what I mean?

No.

Um, Sean, you would have, you would have, if it had you stayed, you would have seen me have one of my low points. Uh, yes. Well, Amanda told me, so I told our host, um, I've told my host a few times, anyone that'll listen, I've probably bored you guys with it before that my kryptonite is giving toasts. I just can't do it. I, there's something about it that doesn't make, it doesn't, it's not comfortable for me.

I feel very, very, you should keep trying to think about somebody else, I guess, is.

the first part.

Well, that's just, I guess. so. Yeah. And instead I'm thinking about me and embarrassing myself, and I should just be kind of just channeling love for the other person, but that's a great note. I'm going to use that next time.

No. And you forgot where you were.

I didn't even think, I could have just bailed out and said, you know what? Happy birthday. I didn't even think that. I thought I had to come up with a bit. I thought I had to do it like a set.

So what did you do?

And I said, I literally said out loud, Oh my God, think of a good dad joke. And I couldn't even think of one of the many that you've told me. And I just looked up at him. I must've looked so horrified and pathetic. He looked at me with such pity and just slowly pulled the microphone back out of my hand and moved on to someone else.

Yeah. Well, that's not, it's not for you. It's not your thing.

It's not. I can't do it.

That's interesting. I mean, if you, if we think about it, considering how you've been performing since, yeah, you were such a little kid.

But I get it.

There's something different about a microphone, a spotlight and a stage.

I'm not comfortable with it either. But you know what, though? I have a good friend who forced me to, anytime I went to her house, she would make people stand up and give speeches. And, Jay, at your birthday, like two, three years ago, I started the speech thing, remember, at Richard's house? And I was like, Oh, get up.

whatever this is about public.

What's that?

Leaning into the fear.

Yeah. Leaning into the fear. And every time you do it, it gets better and better.

Well, I hope so. Cause that was a, that was very humbling.

I pulled a bad girl.

Yeah, here we go. So, guys, today we got a fella who is funny. Okay. But he's not just funny. He's also smart.

Huh?

Birbiglia. Mike!

I think Will was just saying the other day, you know, we should get Mike Birbiglia on the show.

Wait, you've been on my list for like three years.

We have talked about getting Mike on the show and I, Mike, hi, Mike.

Hey!

How are you?

I already had him.

I'm really good, man. It's been a minute.

It's been since, uh, it's been since we were in Popstar together, I think.

No, no, no, no, no. It's been, I've seen you since then. Oh no, we did that benefit for Canada. You came in very kindly, did that benefit. Talk about a guy who stood up in front of people during the plandemic, when you guys were all worried about when the government was trying to depopulate it.

Oh, wait.

And I had such admiration for what you did. You were so funny and so fucking good, Mike, and doing it into a camera. It was honestly.

I loved it.

It was like via Zoom or something? Yeah.

Yeah.

Stand up via Zoom.

And all the people, thousands or hundreds of thousands of people in Toronto for this thing were watching him and he's got to do it with no crowding from to the camera. And I thought, man, that is, first of all, you got to be really funny to pull that off.

Thanks a lot, man. Yeah, it was fun.

It was very kind of you. Anyway.

And well, you know, the other thing about that gig, it ended up being a seminal thing for me because Steve Martin also performed.

Yes. Well, Steve came and did a Q&A with me, which was also kind. Yeah.

And then I did a joke that he, so I had a joke. that's in my new special, The Old Man in the Pool. And I say, I love pizza so much. I get excited when I see the word plaza.

That's a great joke.

Because the word pizza is exciting. It has pizza in it. Each of the Z's is two slices. The A is a slice. It's five slices in one word, which is a rarely used literary device I invented, called on a mod of pizza.

That's great. Yeah.

True story.

Did you grow up loving Steve Martin? Were you a huge fan?

Oh, my. I mean. Yeah. I was too. We all were.

One of the best. I read it. Yeah. One of the few books I've read.

It's so good.

One of the great books about comedy. And then when I was starting out on the road, driving around the country and listening to Steve Martin albums. I mean, that's all I was listening to. He was in the audience for Old Man in the Pool, and when he is in the audience sometimes for my shows, I feel self-conscious because I'm looking at him going, I have stolen this all from you. Right.

Yeah, yeah. Now, Will, you know him a little bit. Why haven't you gotten him on the show yet?

Well, we've talked about it. I know Steve very little bit, and Sean does too, and he's very good, obviously really close with Marty Short. And first of all, I thought, Sean, when you said to Mike, I thought you said, did you grow up loving? I thought you were going to say, did you grow up loving pizza? Like I did.

That's my follow up.

But yeah, I feel the same way.

Well, that he can write, he can write stand up, he can write books, he can write specials, he can write movies.

He can play music. But also what I love about him too is he has such a wider view. There's so many people we know who do what we do, but have such a, who really kind of, that's what they are. They're a standup comic or they're an actor, and that's kind of what they do. And Steve has such a broader view of the world.

Why do you say this? for when you get him on the show? I was going to say, why don't you talk to Mike Berwiglia?

Because I'm saying that Mike appreciates him in the same way, because he read his book and appreciates him. And so, and I think that, Mike, a lot of your standup also is about, not just about, it is kind of like you're, you are a storyteller. I hate saying it.

Oh God, I can't believe you said it.

No, I know. I don't mind that word.

You don't.

Well, in this context, it's, it's, it's filmmakers that are called storytellers.

We have a tough time when filmmakers go, as a storyteller, you know, I'm just a storyteller.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

I get it. I get it.

But you, Mike.

But you, Mike.

That's what you do. Yeah.

It is.

And, and, and, and so what, that, that's, it's not joke, joke, joke, joke, joke. It's your, you're, you're walking people through a situation, and in that situation are many funny things. Yes?

Yeah. Because I think, you know, what happened, what, what, it started out in, in, when I was in college, I was studying screenwriting and playwriting, and then I was doing standup at a comedy club in Washington, DC and, uh, and I was working the door and I was kind of watching all these comedians come through. And then, at a certain point, I kind of merged those two things and I started telling stories, started telling stories on This American Life and on The Moth. And then I created what, you know, I started, my first one was called Sleepwalk With Me, one of these solo shows, and Nathan Lane presented it, and it really actually kind of changed my life. It was 2008..

I love that.

And, uh, what are you, what are you doing, studying screenwriting at Georgetown? Isn't that supposed to be like a, the log capital of the world, or? It is.

You know, it is. But in my, in my, in my class, in my screenwriting class, uh, it was Joan and Nolan. Oh. Uh, sure, sure, sure. Who went on to write The Prestige and Memento and all kinds of amazing stuff.

I'm going to look those up. I'm going to look those up.

Jordan Nardino, uh, uh, uh, Brendan O'Brien wrote Neighbors. There's like a lot of, there's a lot of writers who ended up in this, it was this class, it's taught by this guy named John Glavin.

Way to go, JB. You've offended a lot of great writers.

I'm just saying, I'm, it's sort of a backhanded compliment. I mean, that, that place is a very difficult school to get accepted to.

The, uh.

You also have a law degree.

Yes, exactly. I also have a law degree. I picked up a lot of degrees there, but, uh, no, I, I, I agree with you. Storytelling is one of those things where, when, when you say, I'm going to tell a story, people are like, oh God. Uh, but I think the key to it is it just has to be funny all the way through.

Yeah, I love story. I mean, I love.

I think it's a very unique, uh, skill, because, and, and, and there are a lot of different kinds of comics and some who just are like, we know them. Some are just like absolute, just, just a joke, just a line, just a, a turn of phrase or whatever. And that's their thing. But to be able to tell a story and hold people through a story and be kind of funny the whole way and then pay it off, it's really satisfying as a, as an audience member.

Now, let me ask you this.

Cause it's, it's, it's tough to do.

It is tough. Um, what, what would you say, since you, you've had these great one man shows, um, what would be the difference, considering your standup style, uh, is, is much like what one would consider. maybe a one man show would be like, what, what would you characterize? the major differences between your one man shows and the work that you do, the writing that you do for a standup, uh, set?

I just think like a typical standup, is basically built on the premise of, you have a series of set up, punchline, set up, punchline, set a punchline. And I, my, my sort of like. what I've learned through the years is those jokes can be part of a five minute story. And if you have 10, five minute stories that add up to a single story, that's really the goal of all my shows. And if there can be an emotional payoff at the end of it, you know, like the last show I did on Netflix was called the new one.

One of those big, one of those big tins of caramel corn, uh, you know, a star Wars movie and maybe, sorry, I'm sorry, I thought you were saying, what does Sean want to pack into 90 minutes? You know those big tins, it's like a big tin and it's caramel corn.

By the way, I relate to Sean going home early from the party.

You do? I do too.

Oh, my God. Are you kidding me?

You would have stuck around Mike.

Mike, you would have stuck around. You're a good guy.

But wait, but, but, but Mike, just to close this loop. So if one were to go to one of your Broadway or West end or all these other places, you've had such success with your one man shows that are, that are different than going to see you do a set at a, at a, at a comedy place doing a standup, what would the, what would, what is the difference between your one man show and, and doing like a, a, a standup special?

So the, so a standup, when I, when I do clubs or like, I'm going out on tour right now with my next show, which is called, please stop the ride. And it's like 25 cities and that'll be standup. It'll be the early stages of what become my one person. shows are standup. It's like a bunch of jokes.

And that one sleepwalking with me was, uh, was motivated birth by, prompted by, um, tell, tell these fellas, I've done my research, tell these, tell these fellas, uh, what, that, what, the, what, that, uh, yeah, that's a literal title.

So, sleepwalk with me is based on, uh, uh, a story that happened to me, which is that I have a very serious sleepwalking disorder called REM sleep behavior disorder. I want to ask you about that. And so, and so it started out, uh, years ago, I was in my twenties, I was living with my girlfriend. at the time. I started having a recurring dream.

where it all happened.

And I was at, I was at, uh, La Quinta, in, uh, and, uh, and, uh, and, uh, I had a dream that there was a guided missile headed towards my room and, uh, there's all these military personnel. I jump out of bed. I say, what's the plan? And they say, yeah, I'm very action oriented in my dreams. I'm a hero.

Were you in the pose still?

I was in the pose. I'm in the pose. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck.

My God. Sure. And you remember the dream that vividly?

I do. Yeah. I, literally, it's funny. you should say that, Sean, cause I wrote it down that night. I took photos of it.

Now this, this was going to help your situation. in what way, though? You said to detonate yourself.

Yeah. That's a very great question, Jason. It's a, it was to detonate outside the window for the sake of the platoon, but the missile.

was incoming.

Yes, indeed.

Yeah. But it was coming. No, it was on me. It was on him, dude.

Oh, gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha.

Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha.

Gotcha. Those are guys that you've been in the shit with, so you're, you want to save, right? These, you want to save, obviously, you guys have been through a lot. You're like brothers.

Yeah, we're like, we're a band of brothers in Walla, Walla, Washington.

Gotcha.

We'll be right back.

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So, you decided to move the target away from whoever you were sleeping with and the other people. Yes. Yeah. So, you land in the parking lot?

I land, actually, on the front lawn of the motel.

How many people?

Two stories.

And I take a fall, and I get up, and I keep running. Oh, my God. And I'm running, and I'm slowly running. And I'm slowly realizing I'm on the front lawn of La Quinta Inn in Walla, Walla, Washington, in my underwear, bleeding. And I'm like, oh, no.

Yet.

Sure. I remember that. Yeah, exactly. I thought that would have been a disaster. At least I'm still in the game.

Wait. So, the fall didn't wake you up?

The fall sort of. woke me up.

Well, hang on. The going through the glass window didn't wake you up?

Or the big gash?

No. No? No. I went to the front desk, and I said, hi. I'm bleeding.

No way.

Oh, my God.

I'm at the motel. I'm staying here. Jumped through my window.

I'm going to need a second key.

I'm bleeding. I'm bleeding. I need to see a doctor. I need a second key. And he goes, all right.

So, you still think you're dreaming?

No, no, no. At this point, no, no, no. No, no, no.

At this point, he just thinks he's the Hulk. Dude.

No, I... So, I explained what happened. The doctor took glass out of my legs.

Yeah.

Literally took glass out of my legs. Fuck me, man. The glass was about a centimeter from my femoral artery. And if it had struck there, I would have just bled out on the front lawn and died. And then I flew back to New York.

That you directed?

That I directed. Awesome. And it was, I mean, thematically, and, in real life, truthfully, it really was, it's really about denial and about being in denial of the fact that I have this sleep disorder and not dealing with it.

Do you still have it and suffer from it? And what do you do?

So I was diagnosed with REM sleep behavior disorder. I was prescribed medication and I still had sleepwalking issues. And I said to my doctor, like, hey, I still have this sometimes. And she goes, well, one thing you could do is you could sleep in a sleeping bag up to your neck and you could wear mittens so you can't open the sleeping bag. And so I did that for a period of time.

Until summer. Yeah.

You probably dropped a lot of water weight in there.

But, uh... Oh, wow. So she said do that.

Yep.

And then that worked for a little while. And then...

So what do you do now?

And then what? Then? just meth? Just fucking, I'm not sleeping ever again?

No, no, that's...

I've been up for two years.

Strap you down, right?

I've been up for two years.

I've been up for two years and fucking, I want to fucking beat this thing. Hey, first of all, Mike, I just want to go back real quick. How'd they, at the missile, how'd they get your coordinates?

That's a great question.

I mean...

Whenever I think about that, I think about this all the time. Like, I actually didn't, I don't watch shocking movies. I don't watch, you know, things late at night because I worry that it's going to affect my dreams. Of course, yeah. But that day, it's not even like I watched anything shocking.

So can you take a nap? And will this happen? if you take a nap? And now how do you sleep? And do you sleep, rest?

I sleep a lot better. People, I'm one of those people where I have the thing. And all my friends know I have the sleepwalking thing. And when they have an issue sleeping, they call me like I'm a doctor. And of course, I'm not.

But honestly, in a real practical way, is the medication that that doctor prescribed you sufficient? Adequate? Have there been no more episodes? Do you not worry about going to sleep? That you're going to, you know, start walking around and do stuff like this?

Or murder someone.

Yeah, no, that's definitely a, it's a concern. And like, I monitor it very, very closely. And, you know, I don't even want, the truth is, I don't want to take the drug. You know, like a few, I have to. Like a few years, like recently, I actually looked up the side effects of the, it's Klonopin.

Oh yeah, I've taken that.

It's a drug I take, yeah. And it was like the side, you know, recently it was like the side effects I looked in. It was just like, it was like, it was like depression, you know, poor motor skills. And, you know, something else. I thought that was my personality.

Oh yeah, Sean, you, I think you're taking too much, Sean.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, but, but boy, but I get, what, what, what would, what would, I mean, I would probably, I would have to, I'd be so worried about falling asleep that I never would be able to fall asleep. And I wouldn't want to take that medication. I probably would like strap myself down, but then you wouldn't be able to roll over. So I'd, I'd probably like devise some sort of box over my bed. I'd like build a box, like a, a cage to sleep in, something like that.

Talk about that more. Talk about the cage.

There's a period of time where my wife, Jenny, has, of course, had to deal with this for many,

many years.

The, I know.

Jenny comes up.

For so many reasons.

Jenny walks in the room, she's like missing an eye. She's got like a.

Walking on crutches.

She's wearing a full helmet. She and I listen to the podcast all the time. She's going to be devastated that this is her mention in the podcast.

No, no, no.

She's a poet. Jenny, you're a hero. She's a poet in her own right.

How did you, how did you meet Jenny?

I met Jenny in St. Louis.

He strangled her once at midnight in St. Louis by the bus station.

Okay. Okay. Jumped out of her window. Settle down. Settle down.

Yeah. Sure.

I love that. I liked that. He said that too. And I was thinking about it too. And right.

Uh, uh, Mike, um, now, Mike, you've got a podcast to your own call, working it out. What is it? So? it's an exercise.

Um, it's just at the gym.

Well, similar, just interviewing trainers and the treadmill, uh, those similar to, uh, to smartless. working it out was a pandemic baby because I couldn't perform as a stand-up in front of audiences. And so I was like, so I started asking my friends, you know, uh, John Mulaney and Bill Hayter and Conan O'Brien, different people to work out jokes, live on the show. And, uh, and so now we're 115 episodes in and it's like a big part of my life. Like I just love doing it.

That's great. Yeah. What's, what's one of your, what's one of your earliest, uh, jokes that you wrote, and.

that's a tried and true, always works from, from my whole career or from the, from this show? Either. Well, it's funny, like the first joke that made sense to me, as, like, I feel like with comedians, you, it takes you years to find your voice and figure out like what, you know, what, what's, what's authentic to you. And the, and I, there was a joke I did early on where I said, um, I I'm, um, my girlfriend and I are, are, uh, living together and she's starting to, uh, think about having kids, which is exciting. Cause we're going to have to break up.

Have you ever told a joke about something in your life and someone in your life? Who's mentioned it, but obviously starting probably with your wife, but like other people or anything like that where somebody's gone like, Hey man, were you talking about this? And that they were like put off by it.

I have it all the time. Every time I'm on stage. Wow. Uh, like, like, in other words, like. I think about that constantly, the, uh, the sort of what, what can I talk about?

Right. I, I, I, I made the mistake of working my kids and my wife into some stuff I was talking about on talk shows every once in a while. And my wife eventually just pulled me aside and said, that's no more. No more. Come up with stuff that is funny, but has nothing to do with me or the girls.

I mean, I was going to say, I go through the same thing too. And I've done it before on talk shows as well. And my kids are older, like Jason's, my older kids are older. And so you do that thing. And a couple of times, like we've talked on the, on the podcast and I'm driving with my, and my kids are like, well, listen to it, or they've driven.

Yeah. Or, and of course you embellish a little bit to kind of make it funny. And, but no one knows that. And they know that, but they know that. And it's, yeah.

I said this before, Mike, on the show, but I tried to do standup years and years and years and years and years ago. Horrible at it. Didn't know how to write. I, and one of my jokes had to do with ballet. My opening joke was, you know, they say ballet is one of the most difficult things you can do.

I don't, I feel like, I feel like the, the non-laughter was intentional from Jason and Will. Yeah.

Well, we've heard that one before. Yeah.

I keep, I keep waiting and there's, you know what I said to Sean? One day there'll be a punchline.

Yeah. Well, first of all, Sean.

Keep thinking about it.

First of all, a lot of people come on the show and say they saw Good Night, Oscar, and loved it. I've got the program in my office right here.

You came to the show? Yeah.

And it's on, it's unsigned. I stood by the stage door.

Oh.

And for hours.

Why didn't you come back?

Sean doesn't like the people.

I, I, I'm such a big fan of yours.

Thank you so much. I was, I'm just intimidated. I always feel like I'm going to be in the way. No.

Yeah.

I'm so honored that you came.

We've talked about that recently. We talked about that recently with somebody.

Mike, you probably felt it would be presumptuous for me. Yeah. To just knock on the door and say, hey, I'm famous. You're famous. Let's talk.

Yeah. Yeah. Right? But had I known, I would have, I would have, I would have invited you back.

I had somebody sign it for you.

Mike, are you the funniest guy in your family growing up? Or, or was mom and dad, or mom or dad, someone that gave you the funny gene?

Close call. I mean, it depends on who you ask. My brother, Joe, you know, a lot of times my people will ask my mom, they'll go, was he always funny growing up? And she'll go, no, no, he's, he's very serious. And, and then she'll say to me, she'll go, you know, you comedians are so serious.

Oh, that's cool.

It's a funny, it's a fun, it's a funny family. It's a, it is. I don't know who's intending to be funny and who isn't. Uh, you know, my growing up, my dad, my dad's very funny, but he would get very angry growing up. He'd be like, God damn it, I'm eating pretzels.

Where, where was it? Where was this house? What part of the world were we in? Massachusetts.

Massachusetts. And how many, how many siblings?

Uh, I'm youngest of four. So I was sort of like the, is, is there, is there another child? Wait, hang on.

What part of Massachusetts?

Shrewsbury.

Shrewsbury. Yeah.

And, and, and what's Berbiglia? What nationality?

Berbiglia is Italian.

Great question.

Well, just because you're youngest of like.

Oh, why do you like to put people in the boxes, Sean?

Oh, so he's Italian. You got it all.

What kind of box are you going to put him in? A pasta box? Yeah. What are you going to do? What are you going to get?

Now, Mike, you know, being a, being a guy who does what you do.

Hey, Will, I'm not offended. Just so you know, I'm not offended.

Oh, God damn it.

Doing what you do, you, you, you, literally, you work alone. Yeah. Except when you're collaborating with your brother. But, um, so when you got, when you, when you did the directing stuff, um, or when you're acting on something, and it's much more of a, a team, teamwork, right? A team sport.

I do.

I love that. I love the collaboration side of the field. Like I, like I started when I was in college, I was cast in the improv troupe and that was sort of like at Georgetown. That sort of changed my life. And, and I know you, I, I loved your Mulaney episode and he was talking about it.

No way.

Yeah. So Nick and John and I have been friends for years and years. And then, when John moved to New York, he came on tour with me. And so we've just known each other forever. But the improv community, like, I feel like that sort of formed my entire, uh, approach to creativity and creation and all the rules of yes, ending everything.

What kind of, were you guys doing, like heralds and that kind of thing? Yeah. Okay.

We believe in it. So yeah, we actually, when I was in college, we, we were doing heralds. We, uh, there was ImprovOlympic actually came and did workshops with us. There was a, there was a group across town at GW called Recess. And they, you see before with like Amy and Matt, and Matt and Ian came and did workshops with them.

Oh, they did. Who came from, who came down from ImprovOlympic?

So it was this, it was this group called Frank Booth, and they were fantastic. And it was, uh, uh, this, uh, you know, so Sharna Halpern came.

Sharna, of course.

And, uh, and it was in Liz Allen who ended up years later being, uh, we hired her as the coach of our fictional improv group in this movie, Don't Think Twice. And, uh, and so, yeah, I, I, the collaboration, like I love and, uh.

Well, now, well, speaking of that, Mike, you know, like you're so funny and so, such a brilliant writer and such a brilliant performer. Truly. Do you have any aspirations? What's that?

There's a but.

But.

But you seem like a dick.

Like a dick.

Like a dick.

You seem like a dick. A real dick.

But like, but like other Italians I've met. Is that where you're going, Sean? For fuck's sake.

Wait, Sean, I haven't, as a fan of the show, could I ask Sean something? Which is, is it ever, are these guys ever too much on you?

Are you joking me? We get, we get pages of text afterwards like, do you want to know what, you guys? When you, I feel, it's all that.

It is true.

It is true.

A lot of the time.

Yeah, it's pretty bad.

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I'm sorry, Shelf. What was your question? I apologize.

Oh, probably. Wait. Can I do it? Have you ever forgotten a joke when you're on stage? Did you ever go, oh, did you have somebody have to throw you a line?

You have a podcast. Have you ever forgotten your question during your podcast? What's your funniest podcast moment?

Sean, these are great questions. These are really spot on.

I'm crossing them off as they say them.

First of all, I auditioned once for the role of Buster.

Tony Hale's Buster?

Yep.

Yeah.

So, Jason and Will, sorry to put you on the spot, but do you feel like they went in the right direction with that one?

Absolutely not. Show would still be on the air if you played Buster.

Well, I'd love to see. I mean, I don't know, because I don't know what you did. And if you're prepared, if you remember at all what you did, I'd love to see it, Mike.

Let's improvise a scene right now. Will, you play? Job. I'll play – was it Michael? Yes, Michael.

There's Busty.

What are you doing? And there's – hey, Buster. Bud, could you please take your shoes off before you bring that mud inside the house for us?

Oh. Oh, I don't know. I don't know if I can. I think I'm already inside the house.

Yeah, well, just – Of course you're inside.

Look around you. What is this, your first time in a building?

Sorry, Mike. Oh, I'm – That Job. Oh, I seem to have taken off my shirt.

Oh, yeah. No, shoes, please. Just undo the Velcro and take them off.

There go my pants.

And Job, what are you so upset about? Did your Segway run out of gas? See?

This is my thing. Okay, sorry.

And the show got canceled. The show got canceled.

But, John, to answer your question, yeah, like I auditioned for – I auditioned to play Jim on The Office. I auditioned to play Jonah on Veep. I auditioned – you know. Wow. Wow.

You're doing just fine.

You're doing just great. You know what happened to all those shows, Mike? They all went off the air. That's right. You know who's not off the air?

You. You. You. You.

You're firmly on the air.

Well, truthfully, like when I was – in like 2008,, I got like a CBS sitcom, and I think that if I had had my druthers, it would be like something like Arrested Development, where it's like off the wall and improvisational and nuts.

Right, right.

And so it became a very watered down Mike Berbiglia, and by the end of it, I was just like – we shot the pilot, and the cast was incredible. Nick Kroll played my cousin, and Bob Odenkirk played my brother.

Wow, amazing.

And it was as good as we could do within the constraints of network TV at that time, but then it didn't get picked up for air. And honestly, it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I was crushed at the time, but then I went back to New York, and I mounted my first solo show, and then I went on to make all these solo shows.

Right, and you were doing something that was an absolute bullseye for you, and your sensibility as opposed to the other show wasn't, right? Yeah, it was sort of watered down.

Everything happened for a reason. that way. I had a similar experience doing a multicam that would have killed me and had a similar experience.

Which one? Was it the one before? –

Right before Arrested Development. Yeah. And it had that happened –.

The Mike O'Malley show?

No, no, no, no. It was this other one called Still Standing that I did. Anyway, and I got fired after the pilot, and I was so upset.

And you would have been unavailable for –.

I would have been unavailable for Arrested Development. And at the time, Brian Callen said to me at the time when I got fired, because I knew Brian from way back in the day, and he goes, Oh, wait, you're mad that you're not the fucking fifth lead who every other episode walks in and goes, Hey, what the hell happened to my couch?

Now, Mike, when you went in and helped out our friend Jimmy Kimmel, and you hosted his show for a week when he was suffering from COVID.

He got an attack of the summers.

Yeah, yeah. Vicious.

You're a great Mike in that.

Now, did you – was it – how was that taste? Is that something that you would want to do, maybe?

I loved it. I mean, Jimmy is the greatest, obviously, and I was flying from –.

No, no, Fallon. He's talking about Fallon now. Stay on my question. We're talking about Jimmy Kimmel.

Okay, if you say so, Mike. I don't know. I debate him. Get Kimmel in here.

So, I was in Chicago. As a matter of fact, exactly the same time. Sean was in Chicago with Goodnight Oscar. I was at Steppenwolf, and they called. I was going to fly out to be a guest, and I was on Southwest Airlines, and I get a text from Jimmy Kimmel, and he goes –.

I'll switch you to private if you host for me.

He goes, I might have COVID. And then, five minutes later, he goes, you're going to be the host instead of the guest. And then, five minutes after that, he texted me, you're interviewing Tom Cruise. And five minutes after that, he texted, Tom Cruise has canceled.

Well, they should have allowed Matt Damon to finally get on the show. No, they still bumped him, huh?

But I loved it. I mean, yeah. I mean, he's – I mean, Kimmel's amazing.

But doing a talk show, hosting a talk show, and being able to improvise, basically with guests, even though, you know, a lot of that stuff is sort of predetermined, what questions are going to be asked, and roughly what answers are going to be given. You still, I would imagine, would just soar in that environment.

I appreciate it. I mean, I love being able to do Working It Out as a podcast, and then also do my stand-up and solo shows and touring. I like the – I don't know. I feel –.

Mike, just say you want to do the late-night show, for Christ's sake. Yeah. Okay? Why are you fighting this shit? What's wrong?

Because it's CBS. It's never going to work to CBS again.

Just say, yeah, I'll take the late-night gig. I don't get it. What's your game, Berbiglia? Mike? –?

Do the late-night gig. First of all, Will – first of all, Will, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that Will and I were in Popstar together, and this is something, Will, you'll never hear, because you're you. But I lived – at the time, The Lonely Island was making that movie. I lived next to Jorma Takone from The Lonely Island.

No, I'm joking.

And he was writing that movie with those guys, with Andy and Akiva. And he said to me, he goes, we're going to get – you know, he gets riled up, Jorma. He's like, we're going to get the funniest guys to play this group. that's like a TMZ kind of group, and it's going to be like this person, this person. And one day he came to me, he's like, we got Will Arnett to play the then, you know, character.

It all went south.

I don't know if this is – I don't know. But then, but then, no, on set, and I feel like you've got to take this compliment. You broke a lot of takes because people were laughing so hard on the set.

I need to see that movie, and then I want to watch Hot Rod too. We should do a double bill.

I thought you were going to say that Jorma, whom I adore, Jorma is one of the all-time greats. And you know, you're his neighbor and friend and such a funny dude. I love all the Lonely Island guys. But Jorma – Let me finish on talking about Jorma.

It's been a while.

Sweet Jorma. Sweet, sweet Jorma.

Hey, Sean, cool it, huh?

Mike, I thought you were going to say, Jorma said we're going to get the funniest guys to play these guys in the TMZ. And then the next day he goes, okay, the funniest guys weren't available.

We do have.

Mike, first of all, I'm just remembering, we DM'd each other after my show.

Fucking, cool it, dude.

I wasn't going to bring it up. I wasn't going to bring it up.

Thank you. And thank you for saying such nice things about it. But I did want to, because it's me, I want to say worst heckler, worst experience ever.

Worst heckler. Oh, God. I feel like, honestly, you know, speaking of Steve Martin, like, I feel like his Born Standing Up and, like, interviews he's given over the years are the best advice about dealing with audience gone wrong stuff. And he always says, like, just react honestly in the moment. You know, like, if someone, you know, shouts condom or some bullshit, you know, just like, sir, you know, I'm doing a show and thanks for being here.

Rather than challenge or be challenging or aggressive. back to him, you mean?

Yeah. And early in my career, I was not good at this. I mean, I remember, like, you know, 20 years ago, I remember performing in a casino.

I didn't laugh.

He didn't laugh. The audience didn't laugh. We were all uncertain of what was about to happen. And then they escort this guy out. I'm with my brother Joe.

Oh, my God. No way.

A couple of professionals. Wow. So you'd called this guy out.

And maybe I was indeed about to be murdered.

Mike, have you always had an eye for hookers?

Yeah.

Sorry.

Be able to just pick them out of a crowd, literally.

Just because it seems like people have a savant for different things.

Spot the Pro.

It's awful that he said that, but it's kind of fun to say. It's fucking great. I'm going to fucking kill you. I'm going to fucking kill you.

When somebody says, I'm going to fucking kill you. I'm going to fucking kill you. It's unbelievable.

It's horrible, but it's fun to say.

Have you guys ever been threatened? Has anybody ever said that to you in that way or something close to that?

I think I've seen that said with someone's eyes, but never verbalized.

I had a guy once. This is a true story. I was a teenager, and I remember I was in a McDonald's in Toronto. And there was a guy. There was a big line, two lines for the fuck.

He said, one Happy Meal, please.

Yeah.