#2074 - Shane Gillis

Hey.

We're at Pete Rogan. Yes. What's happening? Bro, how fun are these workouts? Changes your day, right?

Yeah, it makes the day better. I don't know, I literally don't know how you do this. What do you mean? You're like, oh, it's going to, you're going to feel so good, dude. I get to the club, I'm literally falling asleep.

I'm sore. You guys are taking vitamins. I take some vitamins. Do you? What are you taking?

Take vitamin B. Yeah, okay. D. Okay. Pause.

C. Okay. Take some zinc. Oh, okay. That's it.

You're getting like a multivitamin? Yeah, whatever, the fucking CVS things is. Oh, okay. Those yellow, you know what I'm talking about? It's probably been on the shelf since the 70s.

Fuck it. Yeah. I don't think they're doing anything. I heard zinc makes you cum harder.

I haven't noticed a big result, but. Zinc is difficult to get into your bloodstream. You need an ionophore. If you're going to take zinc, you need something like quercetin. I need an ionophore.

Yeah, an ionophore. It's super important. What's that? Something that allows, I don't want to fuck this up, but I think it allows ions to get into your bloodstream easier. It just allows things like zinc to get into your cells easier.

I'm not, yeah, I'm not close to worrying about shit like that. I'm working on like bread. Cut down bread. Bread's tough, dude. I'll worry about ionophores in a couple years.

Bread's tough. Boy, when you're sitting at a restaurant and they bring out the bread with the butter, ooh, it smells good. It's hard. I mean, this weekend I ate at Denny's and Waffle House. Ooh, both were pretty good.

Bro, at 2 o'clock in the morning, I fuck them a waffle with some sausages. It's hard to beat. Yeah. You know what I used to love in LA? Roscoe's.

Chicken and waffles. God damn, it's good. It's the best. With collard greens. Oh.

I don't know about that. Do you like collard greens? Fucking, love them. Yeah. I guess I haven't had them.

Especially when you're, it's the combination of flavors. The chicken, the waffles, the syrup, with the butter. The syrup and the butter. Too much syrup and too much butter. Just let's fucking go.

Let's go. When you're eating, you're like, nom, nom. As you're eating, you're like, nom, nom. God, I used to love Roscoe's. Yeah.

I just ate a waffle, like I said. This, two days ago, I was eating a waffle. Waffles are good. It's pretty wonderful. Waffles are good.

Waffles with butter and syrup are pretty fucking good. It sucks that they're bad. It's a crazy way. to start the day. I did find some protein waffles.

What are they called? Is it Viking waffles? See, if you can find that. I think there's a company called Viking Waffles. They make like protein waffles that are like low carb.

And then I would use butter and then sugar-free syrup. It's pretty fucking close. That's it. Viking waffles. 21 grams of protein, 3 grams of sugar, 5 grams of carbs.

200 calories. Look at that. And they're good. They fucking taste like a real waffle. People love Vikings.

Who doesn't love Vikings? Fucking Irish people. The people that were out on the shore. People got raped for 500 years. Bro, they fucked everybody up forever.

Yeah. They're the reason why the people in Iceland are so good at strongman competitions. You know, those guys like the mountain from Game of Thrones? Yeah, those freaks. Where do you think those genes come from?

Yeah, they need an eruption up there. We need to get rid of these guys. A little bit of a volcano. We can't have these guys. This is my Irish ancestry coming through.

We got to get rid of these fuckers. Yeah, they fucked the world up for so long. That show Vikings, you ever watch that show? No, I heard it's great. Fucking great.

I was afraid it was going to be like, because they did, like, women. Oh, they kill everybody. Alright, good. No, no, no, I mean like the badass, kick-ass woman characters. Do they have that?

They have a couple. That usually takes me out of a... No, no, no, they're realistic. Okay. I mean, they're not like fucking up all the dudes or anything like that.

Ah, the old Conor McGregor woman.

I don't love it. They announced a sequel? Is the girl, oh, it's Netflix. And the armor, the armor takes me out of it. Why?

It's a little too Game of Thrones, you know? Show what a real Viking looked like. What did they really look like? It looked like shit, dude. They were like 5'6".

They were not these giant... Well, how the fuck does the mountain come from? Where does he come from then? How do you get a 7 foot tall, 350 pound dude? I think they were wearing like felt shirts.

They looked like fucking dickheads. Look at that. They look like hobbits, dude. What is that? I mean, that's not them.

That's not real. That's a Ren, fair. Look at that fucking kid. Those are cosplaying. Those people are cosplaying.

Oh, Jesus. Don't do that. Don't zoom in on his eyes. That's not fair to that little fella. That's what they're supposed to look like?

No, this is, they've been glorified because they were... Do we have an accurate depiction of what they actually looked like? I don't think there was... Click on that. I mean, nobody took a picture.

What real Vikings wore. Click on that. What? What real Vikings wore. See it?

Right here. Yeah. So click on that. Let's see. According to archaeologists.

I used to love archaeologists. Popular culture gets them all. Till I met Graham Hancock. All right.

Says the appearance of these infamous travelers, warriors, and mostly farmers. Interesting. So what do they look like? There's not going to be a picture. It's just going to explain it.

It's going to be a lot of words. Yeah. Words. But what does it say? It says variety...

Textiles used to mark both gender, rank, and local identity.

Says Marianne Vedler. An archaeologist at the University of Oslo's Museum of Cultural History, who maintains... Who has studied Viking textiles. TV shows and films could make use of this to tell better stories. As for the male warrior caricature.

Historians doubt they actually wore cartoonish horned helmets in battle. Oh, come on. I know. It's disappointing. Those appeared in art from this era.

In fact, only one preserved Viking helmet has materialized in Scandinavia, and it was horn-free. Only one? They only found one Viking helmet? Archaeologists found portions of Viking helmets in Denmark, but their popularity remains unknown. Similarly, we know of one intact suit of chain mail which appeared with the sole surviving helmet.

One fucking suit of chain mail and one helmet. This was likely worn exclusively by elites and professional warriors, despite its common appearance in mainstream depictions. They rocked a reverse mullet. Hmm. What's a reverse mullet?

Is that long up front? Party up front? What does that mean? What's a reverse mullet? How's that look?

Yeah, it's... What is a reverse mullet? So, reverse mullet means long on top and short in the back? Bad explanation here. Okay, so a fade?

There you go. It's possibly tied to a knot in the back of the head. The knot may have been decorated with colored tape which sprayed into the hair. The woman also wore a bonnet. This is a lot of guessing.

Yeah. If you have one helmet and one piece of chain mail... Yeah, that's all guessing. You're doing a lot of guessing. Isn't that wild, though?

They only got one helmet? That's it. That's a good look. All right, they got it in the show. Nice.

But yeah, they gave them, like, cool shit. Oh, okay. That is pretty cool.

Viking hairstyles. Did they really tattoo their faces up?

I... They did on the show. Obviously, there's no way to tell. Yeah, how do they guess? They just keep making them so cool.

Yeah, they make them real cool. And they're a bunch of murderers and you like them. Yeah, I don't cheer for them. No? No, I don't like the Vikings.

Because of your culture. Because of my culture? No, no. I think they're overrated. Really?

Yeah. Overrated? Overrated. Everything about them is rumors. They're like, oh, they discovered America first.

It's like, no. I think they did. Dude, you got to give Columbus his fucking due. Columbus gets no due. Everybody hates Columbus.

He's a cocksucker. Bro. Bro, did you ever read that one... One... He fucking did it.

He didn't. even. He landed in the Bahamas. Who cares? That's crazy.

he did that. Did you ever hear that one... There was one priest that traveled with Columbus that wrote those horrific stories of what they did to the Native Americans. Fucking snitch. Fucking snitch.

Guys, you're not allowed to go wild? You cross the ocean? You're going wild. Yeah, they shot people's arms off. They didn't give them enough gold.

They dashed babies' heads on the rocks. They did some horrific shit, man. Yeah, they're bad. Some horrific shit.

But people were awful back then. Just think about how awful people were in the movies in 1950.. Just smack women around. Yeah, I was just watching that John Connery interview yesterday. It's pretty good.

Every now and again. Yeah. When you've shed it. He's like, she has to get the last word. They have to get the last word.

And even after you let them get the last word, that's not enough. That's actually pretty good. I can't do it. Connery. Oh.

I have a fucking Zen in my mouth. Which makes it harder. And it fucks you up. Harder to do that accent. There it is a little.

Oh, you were just in Scotland. I can kind of do it. Do you get it? Bro, I was in Scotland. And I was at this place.

And there's a fucking stone circle that's older than Stonehenge. Yeah. I'm like, who made this? I don't know. You can just go, stand on it.

You can touch it. They don't even protect it. It's just laying out there in front of this dude's house. It's literally in front of this dude's house. That's crazy.

It's like 50 feet in front. You can throw a rock. How old is it? 5,000 plus years old. Stone circle.

No idea who made it, they think. Druids? Maybe Druids? That was big back then. Scotland's fucking beautiful.

Scotland's pretty cool. Oh, my God. There's no one there. It's like I kind of discovered it.

Cut off their arms, dude. There's 2 million people in the whole country. Really? Yeah, the whole country's as big as Austin. Wow.

Yeah. It's fucking gorgeous. God, damn, it's pretty. Yeah. Low clouds and the hill, they're not really mountains.

They're kind of like, you know, a couple thousand feet. Yeah. But God, it's fucking gorgeous. God. And they have these stags everywhere.

These like big majestic stags around. Yeah, I got a picture of one. I'll show you a picture. Let me see that. I'll send it to Jamie.

You take a look at it.

Mm-hmm. Have you heard that the mountain range of like the Appalachians is this? It was connected? To Europe. That's pretty cool.

What's that, Jamie? The Appalachians, the same mountain range, it's the same mountains over there. Whoa. Yeah. It goes across the ocean?

Well, I mean, when they were connected. Oh, like during the Panspermia days? Yeah. What? Panspermia.

I thought it was Pangea. Oh, that's the wrong one. Pangea. You know what Panspermia is? No, what?

Panspermia is the theory that asteroids create, that seeded life on Earth. Oh, okay. It's like spores and amino acids were in asteroids. It's funny to get, to be close and just make something gay. And I did, I turned into sperm.

Check out that picture I sent you, Jamie. Here's another one. This one might be better. I didn't zoom in as much on this one. Look at this guy.

Oh, damn. Just wandering around. I had to zoom in on him, that's why. Look at the second one, probably less shitty. Oh, ooh, eat me a needle.

What's that about? I don't know, this way it worked.

What have you done? That dude was just chilling. That thing's huge. Huge. Big old stag.

Did you want to shoot him? 100%. I was looking at his vitals, I was drawing back. Really? About 90 yards.

Oh, were you hunting when you saw him? No, no, no, no, no, no. I was just wandering around. I don't think you're allowed to bow hunt in Scotland. I don't think they allow you to bow hunt in the UK.

Okay. Because they're just... Oh, it's for animals. Yeah, I just don't think they're educated. They're not educated about modern compound bows and modern broadheads.

Yeah. And, you know, if someone's good at a bow and arrow, that's just as ethical as shooting it with a rifle. Yeah. Maybe more so. Animals die fucking quick when you shoot them with a bow and arrow, if you shoot them right.

They do. I believe you. They die quick. Yeah. With one of those heavy duty compounds, like a Hoyt, shooting fucking 300 feet per second, razor sharp broadhead at the end of it, just passes right through their body.

Next thing you know, they're spraying blood. Yeah. They die quick. You just went there, right? In Scotland.

Did you just go hunting? Yeah. Yeah. What'd you get? I got an elk.

Yeah, a big fucker. Big fucker. That's fun. Yeah. You killed it with a bow and arrow?

Yeah. Did you scream? I screamed. I bet. Yeah.

You're a Viking. No, I'm not. Yeah, you are. Bow and arrow? Yeah, bow and arrow.

I don't know, man. I need difficult things to do, dude. I have a fucked up brain. I figured it out somewhere in my 20s. Yeah.

That I just need to keep doing difficult things in order to stay sane. I just, I don't have a brain that is allowed to sit still. Yeah. I'm a, you know, I'm from the Romans. Yeah.

That's my ancestry. Bunch of fucking psychos. Yeah, I came from, like, bog people. It's like, yeah, let's just fucking chill. Well, I'm one quarter bog people.

Let's just sit in this mud. I'm one quarter bog people and drunks. Three quarters Roman, Sicilian. So I got some black in me, too. I got some of the Moors.

Mm-hmm. You know, there's a lot of weird influences in my genetics. Yeah, you're fucked up. Whatever it is, whatever the mix is. Yeah, it's a weird mix.

It works. well, if you can fuck it. You know, the way I say it, it's like, if you have a race car, if you don't know how to drive a race car, you're going to fucking crash into a tree. You're going to go, ah, bang! But if you understand what's required to maintain this thing, and you realize it's different than every other car on the road, you just have to manage it.

You have to understand how to use it. I don't know what I am. Yeah, you're some kind of a fucking SUV. No, I'm just a van with a fucking taped window. No, I did.

You're a party van. You're like a living fucking sprinter van. I don't know what it is. Yeah, you're a party van. We'll figure it out.

You're an awesome party van. Yeah, you'd have good tunes. I'm trying. A cooler full of beer. You're a party van.

Just Drake, dude. Yeah, no need to go fast.

It's still fucking all over the road. It's not doing good. Changing lanes. Oh, my God, I saw this video today of this guy was driving on the highway, and he's in a truck, and then, before he can stop, there's sheep all over the road. Oh, he has sheep?

He hits a thousand sheep. Yeah, I'll send it to Jamie. It's so fucked up. I mean, that's not great, but that's going to be very funny. Well, it's okay to watch, because it's not gory, but it's just like, oh, my God, what the fuck do you do?

You can't do anything. He had zero time to prepare. How many thuds?

Oh, quite a few. Do they have the dash cam from in the car? Do you get to see him? Yeah. That's my favorite.

Instagram is fucking weird. Like sometimes, when Instagram is open, it won't show you the link you're trying to get to. Did it come up the right one? Here, I'll send it to you. Is it the right one?

Oh, dude, I must have shown it. on Protecto Parks. There's one where there's dogs crossing the street. So watch this. Sorry.

Go full speed on this.

This dude is just driving along the road, having a good old time, just doing his thing, trying to get to his destination. He's not even speeding. Look, going normal. Oh, Jesus. Boom.

I mean, I'm guessing 500.. So many. So many. He's in a semi truck, clearly. Yeah, clearly.

Because it didn't even slow him down. You didn't hear a bang. He got them with the high beams, though. Look at this guy. Bro had nine years to break.

Shut the fuck up, bitch. It's always some guy who's shirtless in his avatar. Look at him.

He had like five white lines down the middle of the road. Yeah, he had no time. You're going 70 miles an hour, you have zero time. Bang. Ba-ba-boom.

Ba-ba-ba-ba-boom. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-boom. I mean, that's hundreds of sheep are getting slaughtered there. Look, by the time you're slowing down. I just noticed, too, his windshield wiper automatically turned on there.

Oh, from the spray. It wasn't on before.

God damn. What do you do? You got to drive off, dude. You just got to keep driving. You just got to keep driving.

But meanwhile, anybody who's coming after you is going to crash. And you can't clear that many. You'll get killed. Because someone's coming along. They don't see you in time.

Obviously, if you're in the middle of the road. That'd be hard work. That'd be so heavy. There's no way. that guy.

There's no way. There's no way. Damn, people are watching the fuck out of this video.

This is a big video. The dog one is not. People listening to this are not going to like it. I love these backstreet drivers. Look at this comment.

Look at this comment here. Click back on that. Look at this. I mean, fair. he didn't see him.

But you're driving on an empty road. Why are you high beams, not on to begin with? Shut the fuck up. Just shut the fuck up. Yeah.

Shut the fuck up. I mean, what country do you think? Where was that? Isn't that funny? I mean, like everything that ever happens.

Someone's like, oh, what? This is what you should have done. You should have done it different.

You should have. Every now and then, you give him a slap. That guy needs a slap. A little slap. Commenting on fucking Instagram.

Just a little slap. That poor driver went through that hellish night. Yeah. That probably fucked him up. Probably not.

You don't think? No, he's probably on meth. He's probably trying to get to his destination. He's just on meth. He's probably like, this is awesome.

He probably saw every sheep. Yeah. Every one that he hit. He saw crystal clear. He probably sped up the video so it didn't look so bad.

He's going slow as fuck.

It's not good. Happened in Australia. Oh, nice. Okay. Well, over 100..

Killing and injuring more than 100.. Here's a few still photos from the other angle. Oh, no. Whoa. I like how they blurred out the sheep.

Aw, these poor guys. Aw, where's my friends? Oh, fuck. That's sad. Fuck.

That does suck.

Australia continues to bring the heat. Doesn't say anything. Every video they put out is the funniest video you've ever seen. That's a wild place, man. That is a wild place.

As many people as in Los Angeles, and it's the size of the United States, and the center of it is filled with death. It's empty. It's all death. Yeah. It's all things that can kill you.

Death. I talk about it a lot, obviously, but there's a video of a guy, not the one punching the kangaroo. That's the greatest. There's a guy, like, hang gliding. Hang gliding?

He's parachuting down, and kangaroos just start chasing him. And they start attacking him. He's like, oh, get out of here. Fuck out.

So funny. Wow, he's paragliding? No, he's just landing a parachute. Oh, you got it? Oh, nice.

These two dickheads come and attack him. Oh, my God. Look at these dickheads.

Kangaroos can fuck you up, too. That's the crazy thing. People die from kangaroos. So imagine the balls that kangaroos have. Look at this.

This guy can fucking fly. This is so scary. And they come in and fuck you up.

Wow. And they're grabbing at you. Imagine their balls, though. Fucking kangaroos. Fucking.

get out of here. They are a plague over there. You ever seen the herds of them? There's like fucking thousands of them just running together. And they have to shoot them.

Because they have no predators. Really? No predators. I mean, I don't know what the fuck used to kill kangaroos. Maybe the Tasmanian tigers?

Maybe? The thylacine? Yeah. Which they think still exists? They think they're still out there.

How'd they die? People killed them. Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure.

I mean, the last one was in a zoo. The last live one was in a zoo. They were dumb. They were dumb. It was time to go for those guys.

They're weird looking. It's like a strange, dog-looking kind of creature. They're kind of cool. And they have giant mouths. When they yawn, open their mouths, they're like, What the fuck are you doing with those teeth?

Yeah, it's got like a fucking alligator head. Yeah, giant fucking mouth. Yeah. They think they have them still in remote areas, though. Because there's so much unexplored area, and people have spotted them.

What, in like Van Diemen's land? You know. Oh, they were marsupials? Yeah. Yeah, isn't that wild?

They had a pouch. A lot of marsupials over there, which is also odd. What a cool looking fucking animal. Yeah, I take it back. That's a good guy.

Yeah. They think they've found. So Google thylacine spotted.

Spotted in Australia. Sightings 2021.. There you go. Click on that.

Yeah, they think they've seen them. Tasmanian tiger-like animal caught on video at a suburban street. Yeah, they think they still exist, Matt. Like a bunch of people have apparently spotted them at different places. To the point where I had a biologist on the podcast who was explaining that there's multiple different scientists that are trying to find these things.

They have camera traps set up and shit. And there's enough sightings that people are pretty sure that they're real. That they actually still exist. Which totally makes sense. Because that area is so big.

Imagine being the poor fucking guys that got exiled there.

There's just those fucking animals around. Yeah, when they exiled them, they took the prisoners from England. What'd they do? Just drop them off? Get out of there?

Yeah, like political prisoners would have to go too. Ooh. Yeah. There's a bunch of Irish dudes that had to go to Tasmania. And you're just stuck there.

I mean, they escaped. They got off pretty easy. I'm sure it wasn't easy. I'm sure you died trying. It's fucking beautiful, though.

The weather's amazing. They're probably like, fuck England. This place rules. No, it's just you. Oh.

Just by yourself? Like a fucking house. Well, how'd the girls get over there? They got some babes. There were some local babes.

They got some babes. Was it local babes? Like, they must have imported girls. Those were white girls. Yeah, women got sent, too.

Oh, bad girls. Whores. Bad girls. Whores and drunks. Do you know that?

that's the Australian accent? What? The Australian accent is essentially a drunk English accent. It's pretty great. Isn't that wild?

Yeah, I think they could only trade, like, rum. That was like their main- That's all they had? Yeah, like most- I think that's how it was in the Caribbean, too. Oh, they got rum, mate. Yeah, they just had rum, and they're like, ah, fuck.

Fucking kangaroo, get out of here, fucker. Ah, fuck. Literally. Just go on a walk, you get attacked. It's a drunk version of the English accent.

English accent's good. You don't like it? Not all of them. The fucking Liverpool's great accent. Yeah.

Yeah. Scouse us. The fucking- Paddy, the baddie. Paddy, the baddie's great. I mean, we'll see.

I don't know. Yeah, we'll see. He's a fun guy. He's a fun guy. Yeah.

Yeah. The Liverpool people, they're fucking fun. When's he fighting again? He's fighting Tony Ferguson, I believe in two weeks, right? Yeah, in the next UFC.

Tony Ferguson's fun. Tony Ferguson's got some miles. He's a fun guy. He's got some miles on that body. Yeah.

He's been training with David Goggins. Oh, I saw that. Yeah. That's kind of- Goggins is just fucking him up. Yeah.

I wonder how good that is for you to run 100 miles. We're going to find out. Yeah. You can't be good. I'm no expert on fitness.

Well, fitness is important, but sparring is very important, too. And timing is important, and training, and technique, and drilling, and being prepared to do specific things. It's just, when fighters get older, they can't move as good. There's a bunch of shit that you don't see, right? They might have knee things that you don't see.

They might have back things that you don't see. So they look the same. There's apparently a video of Tony Ferguson when he used to enter the octagon, how he used to move, versus now. Oh, yeah. He did that, like, crawl thing?

Yeah. Did he do that? But it's also the contrast to the way his body moves. Yeah. Dude, in the old days, when Tony Ferguson was on this undefeated run, he was one of the baddest fucking men on the planet.

The fact that him and Khabib never got to fight is a real fucking tragedy. Yeah. Because when he was in his prime, that's when he fell, just tripped on some wires backstage doing an interview, and ripped his fucking knee apart. Just completely ripped his knee apart. I didn't know that.

Yeah, that's what happened. That's why the fight got canceled. And Al Iaquinta wound up fighting Khabib. It was crazy. It's like, he's just walking along, and he trips.

And his knee just explodes. I mean, like, severe, catastrophic knee injury. He had to get everything fucking surgically reattached, and months and months of rehab. And he came back, and he beat Anthony Pettis, and he looked really fucking good. But, you know.

Yeah. There's only—an elite fighter can only operate at their highest level for so many years. There's a window of time where you can operate at the highest RPMs. So here it is. This is from 2015..

This is him moving around when he got into the octagon. This is 2019, still looking pretty good.

2022, a little slower. Yeah. Quite a bit different.

That's them. knees are fucking feeling it now. Now he's feeling it, right? He's just moving different. And they're saying, sad.

Now here we are at 2023.. That Chandler knockout was rough. The kick? The front kick, right to the jaw. There's a photo of Chandler's foot connected on Tony's face.

It's like a fucking Dolly painting. It's wild. It's wild to look at, like, what happens to someone's face when a foot impacts their fucking jaw. Just burns. Just this.

It's horrible. It's horrible. Yeah. Rough sport. It is a rough sport.

I will say this about the cold plunge. I'm still cold. Yeah, there it is. Oh, no. Bro, how crazy is that?

I mean, that is a crazy photograph. That's crazy. He looked like he just turned 1,000 years old. Like they got him out of a glacier. Like he was frozen in a glacier.

I mean, that's a perfect. And look at Chandler's fucking quads. Imagine how much power is in that. Good Lord. Good Lord.

Look at his body. He's just a ball of tense muscle just exploding on your face. Pause.

That sounded a lot more gay than I was trying to make it sound. It happens. It happens. We're going to do. Have you seen the Cam'ron and Mace podcast?

I did. It's as funny as it gets. Hilarious. The pause, the fucking. They're just going after it.

That's crazy. Pause is so fucking funny. They just went after it. Yeah. It's like we were talking about this, that like they talk like people used to talk in the 90s.

Yeah, they're going. They're telling stories. They're just telling stories. They're like, this is what we used to do. They talk about like running trains on chicks.

And they're laughing. They're both laughing so loud. Yeah, it's as good as it gets. It's really funny. Yeah.

Because they're not scared. And that's the thing. Like everybody today is scared. They're scared to tell the truth. And these guys are just going for it.

They don't give a fuck. And it's very, very funny. Speaking of not giving a fuck. True. Hey.

Cheers, bro. Hey. Longhorns.

True. I'm going to get a lot of flack for not wearing a Notre Dame hat right now. Is Bud Light coming back? Bud Light. I feel like it's coming back.

Bud Light's back, baby. I feel like it's coming back. I'm not gay, no more. I am delivered. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I feel like it's coming back. I'm in the transfer portal, dude. I'm out. Notre Dame's done. What happened?

No, I thought Jamie would like that. He didn't care at all. Oh, he's bringing up the. I like women. I'm not gay, no more.

For the record, Notre Dame's not done. We're still the best.

afterwards? He said, who am I kidding? Yeah. After a while. He did like some.

He tried his best. Yeah. He got socially pressured into being like, I'm not gay. But the weird thing is like when they start dancing around him. It's all gay.

It's weird. There's a bunch of men dancing around. They're all real close. They're like high-fiving each other. Yeah.

They're like hugging and shit. Yeah, we're so gay. I guess. Mr. Delivered.

Mr. Delivered. Beast. Delivered. Delivered.

An internet sensation. Radio personality known for his famous I'm Delivered video that went viral in 2014.. Oh, wow. So he's making something. How many followers?

you got? 350,000.. This guy rules. Damn. 357..

So let me see what he's up to now.

Lost a little weight. Looking kind of slim. Looking good, dude. But is he gay now?

Yeah. Oh, look at that photo. Yeah, yeah. Look at that photo down there. Yeah, he's gay.

I mean, what is happening here? His back. If he's not gay, he should consider it. He is. Yeah.

He was gay. then. He was gay. He was gay. What a tragedy.

Imagine being gay and people don't want you to be gay. That has got to suck. Yeah. Because, imagine if everyone was gay. Because, like, if you're in high school right now and you're not gay, you're not even cool.

True. Yeah, if you're not trans, what are you? You're a straight white man, you piece of shit. You fucking scum. You're responsible for everything.

You're like, what? I'm 11.. What did I do? Yeah. That doesn't change.

You get older, you go, wait a second. I didn't fucking do anything. I didn't do anything. I was just born. Yeah.

That was funny as fuck. Simpson in the green room. This is, maybe this isn't great for this, but we were talking about the Gypsy King. We were talking about Tyson Fury. And he was like, we were talking about how gypsies, like, you can't call them gypsy.

But he, you can't say gypsy over there. They get offended. And Brian Simpson was like, well, they call each other gypsy. And I was like.

I know, it's crazy, right?

It was perfect that he said it. Yeah, it was crazy. He was like, well, they say, they call each other gypsies. And then we all just pause and fucking howl it. And then we're howling.

And the whole room was howling. He got, he got it right away. As soon as I was like, I know, crazy, right? He was like, fuck.

Bro, that green room was my favorite spot on earth. You going tonight? I can't wait. I'm going to be asleep, dude. Are you?

Yeah, I did. This is, I'm experiencing. This is the true Joe Rogan experience. Workout, podcast, stand up. Yeah.

That's a tough day. Really? What else did you do? Usually, it's just lay down, stand up. My shit's on?

Who is this?

I don't even know these people.

Answer it. No, I'm getting WhatsApp calls. How am I getting WhatsApp calls? Is that from Argentina? No, this one's not.

But I've gotten multiple WhatsApp calls today. One of my phone numbers got leaked. Onto the WhatsApp?

I think I'm going to delete WhatsApp. Yeah. There's no need for me to have that thing on there. No, I had it. I had it when I was living in Europe.

I didn't like it.

Yeah, well, it's for people in Europe. I think that's their thing. A lot of people don't have iPhones over there. That's how they use WhatsApp. How come it's so popular over there, but not over here?

What happened? I don't know. They got it. It's weird to use a separate app to text. Well, I think it's because it's free or something.

I don't think I understand anything. Is that what it is? Let me delete that thing right now. Because it's been happening all day. Are they still using it?

It's almost happened. Delete it. Sorry. Bye, WhatsApp. Cross-platform functionality.

Yeah. I don't know anything. I don't either. I just know my phone's been blowing up with WhatsApp. When I think about WhatsApp, I think about what happened to Jeff Bezos.

What's that? Well, someone, I think it was the top dude in Saudi Arabia, sent him a link. Here, click on this, my friend. Yeah. And it was one of those- With the black eyes, with the dick?

It was Beth. Got him. Somebody got me the other day with Floyd Mayweather. I got that one. I got sent that.

I saw the San Francisco Chronicle at the bottom. That's how you know. Seguro, whenever he sends me something, I'm like, I know he got me. I'll click it anyway. Ah!

He got me.

But the head guy sent Bezos a link. And yeah, Jeff Bezos hack. Amazon boss phone hacked by Saudi crown prince. Wild.

Okay. Investigation suggests Washington Post owner was targeted five months before murder of Jamal Khashoggi. Yeah, because the Washington Post was doing some sort of expose on MBS. And then that was before they killed Jamal Khashoggi. And then they sent him a message like, hey, click on this.

Yeah. And it uploaded Pegasus software to his phone. And Pegasus is the Israeli spy software that allows them to read everything on your phone. Apparently, though, according to Gavin DeBecker, who's a securities expert, that the new Pegasus, Pegasus 2, they don't even need a link. They just need your phone number.

Like it's over. Yeah. Like all this idea of like, encrypted this and fucking hidden that. And I was trying to explain to a friend of mine. He carries around one of those weird phones, which, you know, it's like an Android phone that has some sort of top secret operating system.

And anything's like, no one can track me. I go, hold on. Are you making phone calls? Do you use text messages? Okay.

Well, then your phone, it released, relates to the tower, and they know exactly where you are. Yeah. There's one way, one way for you to hide the location. You have to take your phone and you have to shut it off and then put it in a Faraday bag. And he's like, what's a Faraday bag?

You ever heard of the company Silent? No. S-L-N-T. They make backpacks. And inside that backpack, there's a Faraday sleeve for your laptop and a Faraday sleeve for your iPhone or your phone.

And you put it in there and you vanish. Who's doing that? Who's vanishing? A lot of people. Why?

Well, I don't know if you know about the state of the world today, but a lot of people are being tracked. I don't know. Like, I have no need to vanish. For now, you don't. Yeah, but.

But if some shit gets weird. Yeah, but who, how many people are getting, like a company's, making this for just regular dudes that are like, I need to get off the grid. Yeah, because someone, like, say if you're in a divorce. This is Silent, S-L-N-T.

Reconnect your right to disconnect. Yeah, if you, like, say, if you're going through a divorce or something like that, and your wife fucking decides to track your phone everywhere. That guy. Yeah. Sorry.

He's got his hand up. Hey. This isn't good. Get away. Yeah, my bad.

They work.

It's very funny. they're still doing like. But once you start using your phone. Yeah. They know where you are.

Of course. Yeah. I mean, if you're fucking hiding from the CIA. Guess what? You can't use a phone.

The CIA is going to get you. They're going to get you. Yeah. And eventually you're going to use someone else's phone. They got the president.

They shot the president in the head. Oh, yeah. They're going to get you. Oh, yeah. Also, who are you?

What are you doing? Yeah, what do you do? I don't know. I don't. I mean, you, yeah.

I'm not, again, I'm not getting on a plane with you again. You're in trouble. I assume. They're going to get you. They're listening to everything.

I say. They got all my dick pics. They got all my fucking, all my memes. I'm just, I'm going to, every time I fucking jack off. Speaking of, yesterday, the, the Grand Theft Auto thing leaked.

The trailer leaked, and they said that the way it happened is because they probably uploaded it to YouTube. And once you do that, no matter if a video is private or not, anyone, not anyone, but most people who work at YouTube have access to that. now. Right. Oh, okay.

So thousands of people had access to that file and could have stolen it immediately.

Anyway, any time I jack off, I'm always worried. somebody gets that footage. Your phone's looking at you? It is, but yeah, if somebody sees that face. That face, just.

With a half-hard dick. Are you thinking about quitting, but you're just determined to keep going? Because you don't want to stop once you start. You got to see if that zinc works. Yeah.

Fucking. Measure your loads on a fucking, on a scale.

Oh, this was good today. Really? Let's see. I had five egg whites. Yeah, that Waffle House paid off with a major load.

Yeah, if guys have little loads, they get sad. It is depressing. What's all that about? Yeah.

Jamie, you have little loads.

How do you know? From, how do you know? Don't worry about it, brother. Where are you looking at? What the fuck are you saying?

Do you have access to my phone? Yes. I've got Pegasus 3.. Yes. Which only gets your fucking loads.

I just go straight to Jamie. Whenever you're linked to YouPorn, it fucking sends a notification to Jamie's phone. And he watches you whack on. My buddy, my buddy got fucked. He was, shout out.

LeMare. He's going to love this. He got, he's got some great stories. One of them, we were on the road in fucking Milwaukee. And he was like, you know what?

I'm going to try to find an orgy. What? Which is crazy. Trying to find an orgy. If you knew this guy, it would be even crazier to see this guy being like, I should go to an orgy.

He just said, I'm going to go find it. Who the fuck says that? So he went on Reddit to Milwaukee's, gone wild. He goes, whatever city we're in, he checks out there, gone wild. And they were like, we're having an orgy at the Days Inn.

Just so you know, that guy was, and then he got, he paid like, they were like, it's a hundred dollars a ticket. He was like, all right, deal. Pays him a hundred dollars, takes an Uber to the Days Inn in Milwaukee at like 3am. He gets there. He's in the lobby.

He's like, Hey, can you guys, I'm here. And they're like, we're too busy fucking. We can't let you in.

It's just a complete scam. And he gets back to my house. We're in New York. And he's like, I got to fuck it. He's like, I'm going to message him and be like, give me that fucking money back.

So he messages them and they're like, they must have his location somehow. So he messages them and he's like, Hey, you guys fucked me on that. And they're like, actually, we're doing a, we're doing an orgy in Brooklyn tonight. We'll give you half off if you want to come to that. It's like, dude, they just keep taking his money.

He's so dumb. They just keep taking his money. He's so dumb and he's just horny. He's like, yeah, yeah, it's worth it. I could be wrong.

They might've got him on a FaceTime. Somebody might've got him on a jacking off on FaceTime. How'd they do that? They say they're a girl. They don't show you who they are.

They keep their screen black. Oh boy. You whack off, they go. Oh boy. You owe us $5,000 and we're going to release that video.

It's a funny story. It'll help his career. He's told that story before. Yeah. It'll help his career.

Yeah. That's the thing about being a comic. It's not like being a journalist. You know, if you're a journalist and you get busted, jacking off to FaceTime, like you're in real trouble. Like that Jeffrey Toobin guy.

Yeah. That guy was in real trouble. Like he lost his job. I think they brought him back on CNN, but everybody just kept calling him the jerk off guy. That's over.

You're done. And then he went on Patrick Beck David's podcast. He was like defending the vaccine, like it was a religious doctrine. It was wild. It's like this guy was so scared of being canceled that, like everything, was like completely by the book.

Like whatever the narrative is that the mainstream media is pushing, this guy was all in. With no questions asked. He was jacked off. Yeah. He got caught jacking off.

That's just how it is. That's just how it is. If you're one of those guys, like you, can't, you know, it's fucking dangerous. if you're one of those guys. You don't want them coming for you again.

You already got caught jacking off. Getting caught jacking off is brutal. That's a tough one on a fucking Zoom.

The fact that you can't stop jerking off while you're talking about the election with a bunch of other journalists. That just means the whole time he was talking in the back of his head, he was like, I'm going. Well, that's a real person, as opposed to what these people portray themselves in the media. It's just like moral authorities and these experts and these people of substantial reason. They're not that.

They're fucking weirdos who are being confined by this job and they're boxed into a very specific way of behaving and talking and they put makeup on you and they sit you in front of a camera and you talk about whatever the fuck they tell you to talk about and you pretend you're smarter than everybody else. And when those people go on like a show where they get questioned, like when they went on, like that guy went on the Patrick bet David podcast, like you, just see who they really are. It's like, Oh, just some guy. And this is what you do. And they work for both.

They work for CNN and Fox and change their, they're like girlfriends. Yeah. They go back to whoever I'm dating. That's my personality. Well, didn't?

Tucker Carlson started CNN? Yes. Yeah. Oh yeah. He is.

He's buck wild. now. His laugh's wild. He's wild. I met him for the first time.

Very nice guy. Yeah. Very nice guy. Like, uh, like, seem, genuine. Shook his hand.

How you doing? We talk. Chit chat. Yeah. Everything I've seen of him, he seems cool.

I don't think that I wouldn't describe him as cool. This is what he is. He's odd. He's odd. Like.

there's no question about it. Like, the way he laughs is odd. The way he communicates is odd. But I don't think he's a bad guy at all. I think, I think what he does is very important for the most part.

Like some of the stuff is like, like when he found the dude who blew Obama. Yeah, that guy. Like, yo. Yeah. This is, what are you doing here?

Like, what is this? Yeah. Like this is, I mean, this is the same guy that's exposing fraud in the CIA. This is the same guy that wants to release the Kennedy files. And then he's like, also.

And he's tossing in. This guy blew the president. Yeah. Like, what?

Even if he did, who fucking cares? I kind of want to know. But who cares? I mean, I'm kind of happy he did it. That's big news.

I know, but is it shocking? I mean, if you're a guy and you're running for president and you're gay, you're not telling anybody. Not in this day and age. There's just way too many people that wouldn't, they would think you're a freak. There's way too many people that unfairly associate gay people with some other kind of perversion as well.

Yeah. They don't just think this is just, you know, just like how you like women. This guy likes men. We should all be free. And clearly, it is how he is.

This is not some wacky thing like being addicted to gambling. Yeah. This is like a thing that is in your genes. And we need to accept it. If we're going to be a kind, compassionate society, we need to accept it.

Yeah. But there's a lot of people that automatically will associate homosexuality with some kind of perversion, for whatever unfortunate reason. Well, it's because the reason is because it's guys fucking each other in the butt.

So that throws people off. That throws people off a little bit. But that should be completely legal. It gets lumped into like pedophilia. And then, whenever there's a pedophile that happens to be gay, then people like, see?

Yeah. But there's just a lot of pedophiles. Yeah. You know? I mean, that's the creepiest thing.

Oh, I got sent a documentary last night about this lady. Oh. This lady, who fucked a 12-year-old student and she got pregnant. Ooh. Uh, fucks her name.

Why does that not bother me nearly as much as male pedophiles? Because it's fucking cool. Yeah. He found out about something cool later. This is some cool shit.

He found out about something cool a little sooner than he should have. Although I think he got a little damaged. Of course he got damaged. I'm just kidding. I have a friend of mine that got really fucked up by that.

Mary Kay. Oh, this is similar too. No, that was the one I got. It was the Mary Kay one. Okay.

She started to have sex with him when he was 13.. Damn, she was already the mother of four and had a marriage that was disintegrating. Yeah, obviously. The first sex you get, you don't even get to have sex with a fellow teenager. You got to bang this old lady who's had 50 kids.

You don't even know.

I mean. That's him now. I think they got married after they split up and she went to jail, and then they still got married. She passed away in 2020.. Yeah.

Oh. Of what? Died at 58.. I think she had butt cancer. I swear to God.

No, are you serious? He was just shooting loads in there forever.

That's, like, probably so bad for your butt. Cum? Do you got a bunch of cum in there?

I'm just guessing.

I'm just guessing.

I'm just guessing. Could be bad for you. I don't know. Probably not good. Otherwise, everybody would do it.

Imagine if that was, like, the key to longevity. We have found, you know, and this is the reason why ancient cultures. I mean, if I had to do it. If you had to do it. If you had to fuck.

No. If you had to fuck a guy. I was telling Tony the other day, I'd fuck a guy who still wears a mask. Like, shut up. Yeah.

Finally, fuck a guy. If the guy's still wearing a mask in 2023, I'll pick him. I still, yeah. I saw a guy on the plane yesterday wearing a mask. Yeah.

Rock hard when I saw him. Listen, I feel bad for them. I really do. At this point, I feel bad for them. I just feel like they're just not getting good information.

They're lost. They're scared. I get it. I get the. It did.

That fucked me up as far as, like, because for, like, a year, I was afraid of, like, talking close to people. I was afraid. I mean, I was afraid for quite a few months. However long. that was.

Yeah. That, like, fucked me up for a while. Yeah. I feel like until I got to Texas, I was afraid. Yeah.

But L.A. was afraid. Like, it was in the air. Yeah. Like, people were freaked the fuck out, man.

They were weirded out. Like, Bill Burr in his podcast, was yelling at someone who was across the street who didn't have a mask on. He talked about it on the podcast. What? No mask?

Bill was all in on that nonsense. He was. But I swear to God, it's in the air there. I feel like if he was here, he wouldn't have done that. There's a thing that's real.

Yeah. And you could feel it when you go to other countries for sure, is that people have, there's a different vibe that the people there have. And if you're, we are, the vibes and people's thoughts and their energy is very contagious. It's very contagious. And if you're around people that are freaked out, you're going to be more freaked out than you would be if you're around people who weren't.

And most people have a certain level of anxiety anyway. I mean, there's a reason why they're selling so much Xanax. There's a reason why so many people are on SSRIs. There's a lot of people out there that are not on a good path, whether it's because of their own fault or whether it's decisions that were made that affected them or that's the way they were raised or the fucking environment they find themselves in. I'm not casting any blame on people, but there's a certain percentage of the population that is just already fucked up.

And then COVID came along and it just, and I think there was more people that are already fucked up in these high population urban areas. And I think it's just natural, because I don't think people are supposed to be like stacked on top of each other like that. Like one of the things that I felt when I went to Scotland, you feel relaxed, like almost immediately. And I was like, I think, and we were all talking about this. We were like, I think, when you're around a shit ton of people, whether you recognize it or not, there's something you're experiencing.

There's energy you're experiencing, whether it's just because there's so many numbers and you're paying attention to all these different people, and kind of like seeing, looking around you and taking in all this data, whether it's a lot of noise or whether it's like there's physical energy that comes off of people that we just don't know how to measure. yet. I'm more inclined to think that, because this is why I like the mountains so much. When I go to the mountains, dude, I feel better. Like you feel like.

Like whatever the fuck is fucking with people in cities. And so if you go to cities and everybody's all ramped up and crazy, like why are they so ramped up like that? But they're not in Scotland. Yeah. Because you're not supposed to be stacked on top of each other like that.

This is some new thing we're trying out. Yeah. I get in a bad mood. It's not good for you. You got to walk behind someone slow.

Oh, God. Yeah. I'm just furious. all day. Traffic in New York.

Yeah. They behave as if you're not going to punch them. They like knock into you and talk shit. I've seen people talk shit to people for no reason on the street. Like this is wild.

Yeah. And they get punched. Yeah. They should get punched. In New York, they continuously get punched and keep going.

Some guy hit my fucking car with a briefcase once. And I came that close to stopping the car. Yeah. I was coming home from some stupid fucking audition that I didn't want to do. And this dork.

This dork in his glasses. And I was in the intersection. And my light was green. And they were all jaywalking. And he just decided to hit my fucking car with his fucking briefcase.

If it wasn't a piece of shit car, I might have brained him. You should have got him. I was thinking about braining him. I was thinking about just. Spinning back heel.

I was just going to hit the fucking e-brake and just run out and brain him. Yeah. I mean that's. Just shut him off. And no one would do anything.

Back. then I could have got away with it too. Because this is the 90s. It wasn't like there was cameras anywhere. Because he probably.

His head probably would have bounced off the concrete. And that would have been a wrap. That's how people die, dude. Like if you're going to brain someone in the street.

You really should kick him in the body. You hit him with a. You got to body kick him. Yeah, you really should body kick him. Because you don't want to kill him.

Yeah. You don't want him to hurt. If you kick someone in the head in the street. You very, very likely could kill them. There's like a 2 out of 10 possibility you're going to kill them.

That would get you some respect in prison, though. You know what I mean? Like, what's he in for? He hit my fucking car with a briefcase. I round housed him and he died.

Oh shit. The earth killed him. I didn't kill him. I just knocked him out. You know, cum's good for your butt?

It hurts bad for your butt. That's what it hurts. It hurts bad. I don't.

Yeah. I just don't like the level of tension that's involved when there's so many people around. I mean it's still here. It's in Austin. It's like this attitude, this urban attitude.

Yeah. It's not that bad here, though. Dude, even there's just not enough people here. The level, the feeling, why I got here. when I first moved here, I was like, oh, this is the right number of people.

Yeah. It's like a number of people where you can sustain, like great restaurants. You could sustain a great university. You could sustain a bunch of good businesses. Like it's plenty big.

Yeah. It's definitely better than New York as far as. Oh God. Yeah. Although I was there yesterday and just see the plaza near the Central Park.

It was fucking nice. I was just walking around. Dude, I love visiting. It was very nice. I love visiting New York.

Yeah. Yeah. I got these guys in the Bronx, GNR Deli. You ever have? No.

Dude, this is like the best Italian sub I've ever had in my fucking life. It's called the Bronx Godfather. We went, and the last time we went for the UFC. These fucking wops are never original. What are you talking about?

You Italians. This was the Godfather. I didn't name it. You Italians. My people named it.

Dude, it's the best food. It's terrible for you. These people all look like they're just filled with inflammation. They're just eating pasta all day. God damn, they look like they're having a great time.

They're having a great time. Yeah. They're eating. God bless. Just grow up.

Forget about your diet, this guy who says that. Forget about your diet. Then they watch the Yankees not make the playoffs. Fuck. Fuck.

That's what I wanted. Come on. Look at this guy's subs. Shut the fuck up. Tell me that's a chicken cutlet.

Come on, son. Look at that. Look at this sandwich. Look at this. We're slicing this thing open.

Tell me you're not hungry. Actually, I am hungry. Look at these guys. He's hungry too. Look at his face.

He's ready to munch. It was like he was about to fuck. That's my friend Tommy. That's my friend Tommy Jr. I've been friends with that dude for- He's about to fuck one of these sandwiches.

You could fuck one of those sandwiches. You could, if you had to.

No problem. Great people, though. Fucking the nicest people. Salted the earth. And the food is insane.

But I just- I don't know how we got to that. What were we talking about? How did we get to sandwiches? Living in cities sucks, but- I got hungry. It's just New York.

But they have great food. New York has the best Italian food. It's so good. I fucking love going there. I love going there.

Yeah. I do- I wouldn't say I miss New York, but I do. I like going. New York rules. I just don't want to live there.

Yeah. I'm too- Whatever it is. Whatever it is. I like wilderness. I want a ranch.

That's what I want. I want some place where there's like- I wake up, I see deer, and I hear birds chirping and shit. That's what I like. It is fun to see deer. I got a house- My family, we have a house in the Poconos.

Oh, nice. But those deer are shitty. They're like scraggly. They're shitty? They're fucked up, deer.

They're always around the house, and they're fucking dirty. They probably have a lot of diseases, too. You see them, and you're like, oh, nice, deer. And then you see them up close, you're like, oh, no. There's a thing called CWD, chronic wasting disease.

It's tearing through deer. Yeah. And to the point where there's a lot of people that are scared to eat deer in certain places, like in certain spots in Wisconsin. My buddy, Doug Duren, he is a part of this conservation effort to try to like mitigate this spread of this disease. And they're trying to actually shoot more deer because they're trying to lower the population so that there's less of them.

It is funny that hunters, I know it is the correct move, but it's always like- Sorry. We're going to have to kill more of them. Sorry. We have to kill more of them. We have to kill.

But they really do in this case, because, you know, if you've ever been in the Midwest, the fucking deer are everywhere. My buddy, John Dudley, owns a hunting farm, okay? This guy is like one of the best bow hunters on earth. He teaches archery. It's a different level.

Like if you had, like, you know how I opened up the mothership? Well, this guy developed his deer farm. It's like one of those type deals. And there's a few of these guys, like. there's another guy named Lee Lacosky has a similar situation.

And they live in Iowa just to hunt deer. Like it's a religion, dude. They have cameras set up all around the property so they can find out when a guy is in the neighborhood. So they try to, because these big bucks are smart. And they know they're being hunted.

And so most of them go nocturnal until the ladies want to party. And that's when you get them. When they wind up, the hunting season is during the rut. And you've got to risk it all. They just, they get so horny that guys have walked, made videos where they walk right up to a deer.

Like this big deer is just standing there in the middle of the woods. They walk right up to him and touch him and go, hey, man, you okay? No, he's not, dude. He's so fucked out. He's as horny as it gets.

He's probably fucked out. He probably fucked like 30 does that day. And he's like standing. Fucking. kill me.

Kill me, dude. I'm done. He's been listening to 30 stupid stories and fucking. Oh. Talking about it.

And then she said to me, and I was like, you are not going to talk to me like that. I mean, yeah. I don't want to sound too misogynistic, but even you starting to say that, my brain shut off. And then she said, I was just like. No.

She just went into a dark place. But there's so many videos of guys like walking up to a deer and touching it with an arrow. Like, hey, man, you all right? Like, what the fuck are you doing here? And the deer is like, huh?

He's just horny, bro. They're just so fucked out or so horny that they literally are so confused that they let someone walk right up to them. Like, that's how much it affects the brain. And they only get to fuck once a year. So imagine, human beings are like that.

But human beings, we can have sex 365 days a year. Just imagine if all human beings only bred in November. And so fucking November rolls around and everybody goes crazy. That's what it's like in the deer world. It would be war.

War. It would be war. every November would be. It would be horrific. You'd have to hide your family.

Look at this deer.

Deer in the rut with his arrow. Hey, bro.

Look at him. Huh? Go away, man. You need to go sleep it off.

You gotta go to sleep. He can't even stand. Look, he's standing cockeyed. Oh. Finally, he figured it out.

Finally, he snapped out of it and took off. That is wild, dude. That's crazy. That's wild. That was scary.

And shout out to that dude for not smoking it. He should have point blanked it. Because he had a fucking arrow in his hand. He could have smoked it. That shows how many hunters are out there that are like that guy.

They're ethical. Also, that's a little deer. You don't really want to shoot that. Really? Yeah.

Let me see that again. That's a little pumper. That is a... Yeah, that's like a one-year-old deer. See how.

he has very tiny antlers? Maybe two. He might be two years old. But that's about it. He's not old.

What the fuck? But if you were in a place that has low deer population density or low buck density. Some places, they'll just shoot any buck. Because you can shoot any buck. Some places have different rules.

They have to have forked tines. They can't be like stubs. They can't be what's called a button buck. What a button buck is, they're so young, they barely have antlers. They have this little nub.

But they're still a male. So you're technically allowed to shoot. I'm a button buck.

You're a big old fucking... You sold me that ice punch. You're a big old trophy buck. That ice punch doesn't count. That's not fair.

Your dick's gone. Yeah. 37 degrees for three minutes. Your dick's gone. And with that water flowing too.

I took a shower after that. That one's rougher. That's the blue cube, the one we have in the studio, that's the roughest one. That's the roughest one. I will say this about cold plunges.

The only thing you do after you do a cold plunge is tell people you took a cold plunge. You can't shut the fuck up. I can't shut the fuck up about it. It's like people get into yoga. Yeah.

They can't shut the fuck up. I understand. I've always judged those people. Me too. Yeah.

Yeah. Now, every conversation I have is... I've been in those people. I'm in the cold plunge. I am those people.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm those people with almost everything I like. I get it.

Yeah. It's a problem. Not really. But that fucking thing's awesome. I thought you were wrong about the cold plunge.

Nah. We did... Me, Ari, and Mark stuck just our hands in the cold plunge to see if we could do 30 seconds. Yeah. And it was like, no.

Fuck this. I'm never doing it. Meanwhile, you did three minutes today. Yeah. You're a stud now.

No. I just needed you standing there going, get in there, bitch. Get in there, pussy. Get in there, pussy. I'm not a pussy, Joe.

Come on, man. You got in pretty easy. The first time you did it was rough, but now you're pretty accustomed to it. Well, the first time you get in, it sucks the fucking wind out of you. You've done it at least, what?

Eight, nine times now? How many times have you done it? Yeah. Every time. Yeah.

Yeah. I enjoy it. It's good. It really is worth it. I enjoy being done with it.

How good does it feel when you get out of there? Yeah. You feel like you're on the best drug. Yes. Like a super manageable drug.

Genuinely, it feels like lolly. Yeah. Like, if someone ever wants to borrow money, they need to catch me right when I'm coming out of the sauna or the cold plunge. I've also noticed when I get out of it, I can't shut the fuck up. Yeah.

I get out, I'm just yapping. Giddy. Yeah. You're just giddy. Yeah.

Yeah. It's nice. I haven't been happy in a while, so it's good. You can be happy every day. Just get one of those fucking things from your backyard.

We'll hook it up. Maybe. Dude, you should have one. Dude. You're going to have to come over and call me a pussy.

I'll come over. You're going to have to call me a pussy. You're not that far away from me. I'll never get in there. You don't live that far away from me.

I will drive over your house before shows, and we'll both do it together. Call me gay, and then I'll do it. We'll both do it together. It'd be great to do right before a show. Yeah.

Wake you right up. You know that sometimes when you have Saturday shows, and you're like, fuck, you went out Friday night, and then you slept in the hotel, and you didn't get good sleep because you're not at home, and then you have lunch, and it's not very good for you, whatever the fuck you're eating, and then you're like, okay, it's six, the show's at eight. Fuck. I got to wake up. I usually jack off and take a nap.

That'll work. It does something. I don't know if it helps. I literally wake up 20 minutes before the car's coming, and I'm like, oh, shit. Did you forget?

you're doing a show? Yeah. If you had a cold plunge in your room, plop in there. You're on the path to making yourself a better person. What the fuck?

Do you feel this? Do you feel this? You're on a spiritual journey. No.

Inside joke. Yeah. I am on a spiritual journey right now. No,

yeah, that'd be cool to be better. Yeah. Well, these workouts will help. They'll help. All I have to do is just stay consistent.

Yeah. Stay consistent. Everybody feels better. I mean, we're talking about Saan today. He's like, God, I feel so much better.

He was saying that he's getting more attractive, women hitting him up on dating apps. I'm like, I don't think it's-. We had to let that. We had to let that go.

I'm definitely getting stronger. I'm getting more attractive. women on dating sites. to respond. I think it's because of my five workouts.

Yeah.

He's awesome, though. But he does feel better. He feels better. More confidence. Yeah.

How wild is he? He's doing that Muslim prayer. So, for people who don't know, our friend Saan, it's a hilarious comic. Works at the Mothership. He does not understand Arabic, but he can read it and write it.

Yeah. Which is so crazy. He was taught to read it and write it when he was a kid. And he can recite Muslim prayers, but he doesn't know what they mean. Yeah.

Which is like, what? That was clearly just autism. You think so? As soon as he said it, I was like, oh, shit, now it makes sense. I've heard you say some wacky shit.

Now I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A touch of the tism. He's got a little, yeah. A touch of the tism is a superpower.

It certainly is. I feel like it is. Yeah? I wish I had more. I like to crank it up by like 2%.

Turn it up a little. Turn it up. I have CTE, for sure. I got a little of that. Yeah.

I must. I must. I get hit in the head too many times. All the things that I know now about people that get hit in the head, I'm like, yeah, it does something. Yeah, I got hit in the head for like 10 years.

And then I also probably have toxoplasmosis because I used to have a wild cat. Oh, no. Most likely I got that too. And I always had cats when I was a kid and they always went out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like cats, if you got cats, you're fucking. You got to let them out. Yeah. You got to let them outside. But there are a bunch of little fucking murderers.

I'm a big fan of that. I'm a big fan of letting them out too, but the thing is like you're going to get toxo. Your cat's going to get toxo and you're probably going to get it. Yeah, what's it do? It affects your thinking, makes you more rational, makes you more irrational.

Yeah. There's a disproportionate number of motorcycle victims, motorcycle crash victims. They got bit by cats? That test positive for toxoplasmosis. They don't know if there's a correlation, but they do think it affects your impulse control.

Yeah. There's also a disproportionate number of successful soccer teams that come from places that have high levels of toxoplasmosis. Yeah. They don't know if that's because there's a lot of really successful soccer teams that come from third world countries, poorer countries. Yeah.

That's possible too. But it also might be just it makes you wilder. Yeah. Like literally possibly could change cultures. At one point in time, France, 50% of the country, tested positive for it.

They're just wild people. Who's wilder than French? France is wild. The French are wild, bro. Those are some wild people.

I saw Napoleon. How was it? I loved it. You did? I loved it.

Why do people not like it? Here's what I think. I think Ridley Scott made Napoleon like a human. Well, Joaquin Phoenix did it. Made him like a human.

being. Like he says dumb shit, he fucks up. Mm-hmm. You know? Usually, if you're watching like a historical movie, like you want him to be like- Abraham Lincoln.

Speaking well the entire time, totally in control. Right. Yeah. This is a guy that's like- An actual human. He's a human the whole time.

Yeah. But every time they cut to a scene where he's fucking his wife, it's so funny. It's just him doggy, all he does is doggy style. That was his name? I don't think that's historically accurate.

They just cut to him and Joseph, he's like- It's pretty great.

That's crazy. So how many sex scenes are in the movie? There's two that I can definitely remember. Wow. And both of them are- Doggy style.

Hard cut to him, doggy style. Interesting. Yeah. I wonder why. I wonder when people figured out you can have sex looking at each other.

Because most animals are doggy style. Yeah. Like all of them, in fact. I mean, I don't- I would imagine- I don't want to turn this into some type of freak shit, but I saw a funny video of a gorilla doggy styling another gorilla. It's just kids watching at the zoo.

He's like- Funny how human they look when they fuck. It's so funny. They have little, tiny dicks. Gorillas? Yeah.

Fuck, yeah. Chimps have big dicks. Do you know why? Why? Because chimp females are more promiscuous.

Gorillas also have little balls. This is interesting. In primates, there's a direct relationship between the number of promiscuous females that are nearby and the size of the male's testicles. Isn't that wild? That's crazy fact.

That's wild. It's an interesting fact. Yeah. That's why chimps have giant nuts. Because chimp ladies are wild.

They want big nuts? Yeah, they want big nuts. But they need a lot of loads. They're going to war. Yeah.

Trying to make babies. Those guys are having a tough time. They're having a tough time. I wouldn't-. yeah.

That Chimp Empire ship bugged me out. I didn't like it. It's wild. I liked the dude in the beginning of Chimp Empire, the guy- There's the first scene where they go fight the other colony. And he's like, I'm out of here.

This is too much. And then they catch him. The other colony caught him on the way back and killed him. Yeah, and killed him. I respected him, just being like, I know you guys are going to make fun of me when we get back.

This is scary. I'm going home. You can't even join the other team. And they got ripped apart. At least some armies, even the Mongols, at least take in other warriors and go, hey, join us.

We don't have to kill you. I wonder if chimps ever do that. Well, something has to happen, right? Because they do branch off. Yeah.

They were saying that there was one clan that was a part of another group. I bet they just start fucking the ladies. What do they call a tribe? Is it a tribe? What do they call them?

Troop? A troop of chimps? I could be wrong on that one.

Jamie, what are you doing over there?

I'm talking about guerrillas fucking. You didn't even bring it up. I'm following all along here. I was looking for doggy style scenes in Napoleon, actually. I was trying to find an actual scene.

I would like to see that. I thought I had something, but I lost it. Now we're on the new stuff. Could you please find guerrillas fucking at the zoo? What was the other thing?

Right after guerrillas. Troops? Oh, yeah. What is the group? What are they called?

A tribe? A clan? A group of apes or chimpanzees, is a shrewdness. Whoa. Yeah, those are fun.

A shrewdness? That can't be right. That's British bullshit. Is that? like the British where they spell tire with a Y?

That's bullshit, dude. You'll tie us? Tie us with a Y? Oh, baboons are a troop. Wow.

A shrewdness. Baboons are a troop. Oh, okay. Ants are a colony. Or an army.

Interesting. That guy Sapolsky, Robert Sapolsky, who did all the research on toxoplasmosis. He was the one I found out about the disproportionate number of motorcycle victims. He also did some crazy work with baboons. One of the things they found, these baboons, they had these really rough alpha males, evil, mean, brutal bully alpha males.

They were getting food from this resort. They were getting food from the garbage. Hundreds of them would go to the garbage in the resort and tear it apart. This one, here we go. Hey.

Look at that. That's so funny, dude. Ass on him. Good lord. Imagine what kind of dead lifts he could do.

It's so funny. Yeah. But look how short his strokes are. See what I'm saying? Yeah, been there, brother.