Tig Notaro

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dan Rather and I'm joined by the birthday girl, Monica Pladman. Hello. Hi, happy birthday. An old lady here.

He's an old checks man.

He's an old checks man.

I picked up a trash bag on the way. Oh God.

Oh God.

Oh God. You scared the hell out of me. Because I was expecting her face and then your face.

We're both braided up to this.

And you had a different version as well of her face. So it was kind of like a third.

This face comes at a price.

Honestly, I wouldn't have noticed. I honestly wouldn't have. I used to work at a coffee shop almost 30 years ago. My everyday barista had green hair. one day.

I can detect a change in the emotional current. quite well. Emotional stuff. You got a new jacket. I don't know if that's new or not.

That is quite comical from my perspective, and I know Monica's too, where I'd be like, can you grab something out of my purse? Now I've carried the same purse for probably eight or nine months. Every place I go, it's always on my body, and he's like, what does it look like?

You have like 19 bags, to be fair.

I do, but I have carried one for the last nine months. I'm like, it can't be that you haven't noticed this thing that's attached to my chest for nine months.

I'm glad we're clearing it up now. I don't know what is the purse and what's the purse. So you're also carrying, you have three different bags that you carry everywhere and you rotate between. Those to me...

Yeah, diaper bags.

You can own, you have a lot of your own items. Sure, sometimes. You have like so many bags. This could be a coin purse. This could be...

So we need to define purse.

This could be a fanny pack.

That's really the issue.

You're right, there you're right.

That's a purse, it's got everything. Could be a pacemaker. Could be an external pacemaker.

Yeah, could be a pacemaker. Old fashioned.

He doesn't know.

Part defibrillator.

Especially if it's coins are jingling around. That's true.

Could be a pacemaker.

He doesn't need to know, look at his chair. No, look at him. Take a look. I'm so happy. Take a look.

We only invited her for the special ones. I have come up to see two people.

This isn't true.

Peter or Tia. In the history of the podcast. That's not true. I have to fact, three people. Who's the third?

Okay, well, I'm going to post that. Do it. On my cat's Instagram.

There have been three people who I've been excited to see.

Well, I'm thrilled to see you. I also still want to make an appointment for a cold plunge. A hundred percent.

In fact, we just changed the filter. Yeah. And we realized that we had been using it for the last couple months, thinking we were getting so good at cold plunging. I had thoughts of, I'm Wynoff, or whatever his name is.

Yeah, the Wynhoff method.

I'm doing this. Right. I could live in the Arctic Ocean, if I desired. That's how good, at cold plunging I am. Cut to, we changed the filter.

I went in it, and I was like, what happened? I was in it yesterday. It said 51.. Now I'm in it today. It says 52, and it's a completely different experience, and I can't handle it, and my bones hurt.

You got to turn on your heart light, create the little bubble of warmth.

I did know.

Then I broke my ribs, or Allison Janney broke my ribs. Oh, what a bitch. I could not cold plunge, and had to reschedule, and I really want to do a reschedule.

Should we pause right now and get you in the cold plunge, and then resume? Is that what you're suggesting?

No, I'm telling you, I did one for one second. Not at your house, though. We were in Montauk, New York. Our hotel had a cold plunge tub, and a hot tub, and a pool. I was like, okay, I'm going to do this.

You need to be prepped.

Yeah. The prep I got was a strange man that was in the hot tub with me. He was like, go for it. That was advice. That's the only thing he's ever said to me in his whole life.

Well, that's cool. If he had to pick a single thing he said to you, that's a good one to say.

Go for it. So I went for it.

We would have told you some things to expect that I do think help. the experience, which is your body only sends that signal like, get the fuck out of here, you're going to die, for 30 seconds. For most people, like 20.. Really, you just go in knowing, yeah, my body's going to be screaming, get out of this lethal situation. But after 20 seconds, your body goes, oh shit, no, we're staying.

No, it was very helpful. It got me. I went for it. Yeah. And then I got out and I was like, oh boy.

We're going to offer you a little bit more than a go for it. We're going to offer.

Dinner?

Some dinner.

Get nice and full.

Car service? We're going to offer, we'll talk about car service, but you know, a handholding. I'll have a timer. Anything. you need, a towel that's ready.

I thought you were going to say the hot tub.

And then they'd be wet.

But warm. But warm. Yeah.

Warm and wet. Yeah. Anytime you want, it's open. If he had said just do it, Nike, would you have just done it?

Well, I just did it anyway. Yeah. So I think you wanted to do it. No matter what he said, I was going for it.

What if he said, don't do it?

Then even longer. I still wouldn't have said it. Maybe you would have gone 20 seconds. I've been wanting to do it for so long.

How are you with a sauna? Have you been in and out of a sauna? Yeah. Okay. And do you enjoy that?

I do, but I'm also very menopausal. And so I'm always in a sauna.

You're already running hot.

Yeah. I'm running hot. And I always explain to Stephanie, my wife, who's 15 years younger than me, it's as though I am trapped in a sauna with a mask on, fully clothed. And I want to get out, and I can't. We'll be just out to dinner.

We got a hit on Stephanie for just two seconds, because I know Stephanie.

She told me, yeah.

Yes, we did UCB.

From UCB.

And we did a commercial together.

Which one?

Amazon. Very big commercial, Super Bowl.

Oh, yeah. It's the biggest company. With, what's his name? With Jeff Bezos. With Jeff Bezos.

But you weren't in frame with him, were you?

He was on the opposite side of the camera. You know how the cameras work?

He was physically with you? Yeah. Oh, he was? Mm-hmm. Did you chat with him at all?

Quickly. He was very nice, very built. I was just going to say, was he jacked? He was.

Ding, ding, ding, Peter Attia, I think, got him in shape. He never said that, but that's what we think happened.

Oh, wow.

Okay. What a metamorphosis.

Anyway, love Stephanie. Shout out.

I love her, too.

Good. Good to know. Join the club, guys.

We're heading into 11 years.

Do you love her as well? So much. Oh, and you have personal anecdotes about her?

Well, yeah, because-.

We work together. We work together there, the three of us, and Ryan Hansen. Yes. For the last year and a half.

Okay, so you had lots of meetings with Stephanie. Yeah. Okay.

Pre-strike. Pre-pre-strike.

This is in the 70s. This was a long time ago.

You guys were talking about Burt Reynolds as the lead of the show.

Yes.

Yeah. Pre the original strike, actually. We were getting creative together. She's a dreamboat. She's so fun and lively and a very good writer.

She's so talented.

Now, 15 years younger, though- Yeah, we gotta go there. I'm a little curious, if you get frustrated at all, that you don't share some of the same references. Like, I was reading your book. You were talking about you and your mother's love for television. Of course, you're listing all these shows, and for me, it means the world.

Black sitcoms in the 70s.

Yes, we're on fire. Nothing better. Is there any sadness that there's some references you guys don't share, that you feel like are foundational to who you are? I know you're a comedian, but I want you to answer that sincerely. Yeah, I am.

No, no. I don't reference a lot of TV and film. I'm more of a music person, and Stephanie is very well-versed in music. And I'm a 70s kid, and she feels like the 70s, that was the sweet spot for filmmaking and music, and so we're kind of on the same page there. Aligned there.

Boy Meets World?

I don't even know. She's my age-ish, right? How old is she?

She's 37..

Okay, so you guys are virtually the exact same age.

Yeah, I don't even know what she watched, honestly.

Did you ever dip into, like, Fall Guy, Dukes of Hazzard, any of the action, Simon and Simon? I do think it's relevant, because shows and movies got more realistic, which is cool, we liked it, but also there's something about this weird world that existed on TV back then that you aspired to, or I thought of, is obtainable, maybe.

I was also really into things like little animal shows, where you're, like, friends with a porpoise. A porpoise?

BJ and the Bear. Yes. That's a long-haul truck driver with a chimpanzee in his cab.

Yes, please.

Yes, it makes total sense, and I thought, that's something I'd like to do. when I grow up. There was a lot of content about truck drivers. When I was a kid, being a long-haul truck driver seemed like something I was pretty interested in, and I don't think that Stephanie got that, or did you get that, Monica?

No, but I don't know that that would've... I never had any dreams of being a long-haul trucker, no. None? Nope. Really?

No, yeah. Look me in the eye and tell me you were not dreaming of being a long-haul trucker.

What was it, going to the bathroom behind the wheel? Why didn't it appeal to you? You're out there adventuring.

You could go to the bathroom in front of the wheel. You're a long-haul trucker. But you gotta go.

You're by yourself the whole time.

No, you were the chimp.

Oh. Well, hold on. And you got a CB. Honk, honk.

And the air horn, yeah.

Okay.

Honk, honk.

You're making it more appealing. Yeah, don't they do, honk, honks?

Yeah, but it... Honk, honk.

And you can also be like, honk, honk, if you feel like.

Well, if I must bring out my famous horn, uh... That's not the sound of it.

See, I'm not right for it. I'm gonna let you guys talk, but I love you.

I really, really am so happy to see you, and I'm glad you came up here. And we're gonna do it.

For real, we're gonna do it.

What?

Anything you want.

The cycle.

That's what I wanted to hear.

Right, anything's on the table.

Okay. I love you guys. Bye, Mother. Bye. How awesome that you're married to Kristen Bell.

Yeah, it's worked out pretty good. Yeah. Going on 17 years, I think.

Wow.

It's a good gig he's got.

It's good work, if you can find it. I said it's ups and downs.

Of course.

I'm married to her, too, in some ways.

Uh-huh. Are you married? No. Because Stephanie and I always say... Well, I told her one time, I said, I am crazy about you.

Tell me what happens in that 1%.

I cannot think of a worse person alive on this planet.

Yes.

Thank you for saying that.

It is bottom rung, terrible, I cannot stand you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she said, yeah, same.

But don't you think that 1% is the time where this person embodies everything that's standing in my way of doing what I want to do. It's actually not about them as much as like, they're this huge roadblock for me to do whatever the thing is I want to be doing in this moment. Yeah. And they're not going to allow that.

You got to always check in. And there's so many little things, especially being a comedian. I mean, I used to not ever have to run anything by anybody. I just said and did whatever I wanted. And I had girlfriends or I was single.

And is it generally? is something that you're telling about her personal story that you're going to say on stage? Or is it being protective of you overall?

Our family, our kids, her, the two of us. And it's something I actually appreciate and I'm thankful for, because I like that. I've reeled it in a little bit.

It's hard to know, right? So the best model of what I'm attempting to do for the last six years is Howard Stern. So one of the things I just happened to kind of notice was, oh, he never talks about his daughters. And he's even said that his daughter said, hey, don't talk about me on this radio show. So I thought, okay, that's something to think about.

Yeah. And there's really fun shows that I'll do where Stephanie will be in the audience, in the back row, and I'll tell a new story. And then I'll say, Stephanie, is that how you recall it happening? And in the darkness, she'll be like, not exactly. And then I'll invite her to share what her version of what happened was.

Yeah. She said, she said.

That's what she said. She said, yeah, it should be called. She said, she said.

Yeah.

How old were you when you guys got together? Because I have a new theory. I'm about to be 36.. And I feel like, as I'm getting older, it is getting less and less likely that I will get married. And not because like, oh, there's not people.

Too calcified in your habits.

Yeah. I'm just like happy on my own. Getting more and more so.

So you did want to get married? Yeah, for sure. And now you're like, I don't know.

I'm just aware, when I'm in bed by myself, that that feels nice. That I would be giving something up.

Maybe. And then you could meet a Stephanie or Kristen or Dax or whatever and be like, oh, I actually, I'm not saying that you need to have a partner to be happy. But I'm saying if you find that right one, because I for sure had no interest. I was the worst gay person because I was like, why does everyone want gay marriage? Who cares about that?

Was it fair to say you were a commitment phobe? Because I have some theories on why you might be.

I did have a fear. I thought that I wouldn't be able to do what I wanted to do.

Can I suggest? Yeah. And this is where we get into this weird zone where people write an autobiography. They feel very safe in those moments talking about it while they're writing in a room. And then they're here in this attic with electricity hanging out of the wall.

Kristen Bell running around the property.

Hopping in and out. Just fresh off a facial.

Just feral off the land.

Red face. A lot of our childhood is kind of similar. So, three years old, when my parents got divorced. They had multiple for me in the mix. Being completely on your own, right?

Yeah, I could see the fear of people getting in my way. And the way that people in my upbringing got in my way.

Right. But I think if you grew up in a house where your parents were assets. And they were bringing you to soccer thing. And then your dad was working with you in the front yard to learn this stuff. And then you were doing all that together.

Yeah. And look, as many rough spots or atypical parenting that happened. My mother putting us to bed and going out to party and have no idea where she is. I'm still very thankful for who I am. But I don't think that anything was telling me I should find a partner and recreate this.

It wasn't being modeled.

No. And so when I met Stephanie, I was so confused because it came out of nowhere.

You guys were working together on In A World?

Yeah, on Lake Bell's movie. And we both had very small roles. And we were love interests.

And Stephanie was straight?

She was. But what's really interesting is that she said she would go out with guys. And then they'd want to see her again. And they'd be like, can I see you tomorrow? And she'd be like, why would I need to see you tomorrow?

Just saw you.

Yeah. Yeah.

It's like I just ate pizza. Why are we going to order it again tomorrow?

Yeah. Why would I possibly need to see you again anytime soon? And so she always thought that was kind of weird about herself. But yeah, after being with her, it just came out of me. In fact, we were having dinner one time.

That's specific. So you're recognizing. in that moment, this person has the power to kind of crush me emotionally.

Yeah. And I was fascinated.

Which is a new...

I've been crushed. I've had conflict, but I've never felt like, oh boy.

You let this one in too deep.

Yeah. I'm screwed either way, whatever happens here. And so I thought, well, I'm going to take this moment and allow myself to be really vulnerable. And at dinner, yeah, two months in, I said, I have something really crazy to tell you. And she said, what?

That was the truth and you had to get it off your chest.

And people have told me very vulnerable things. I just felt like I was always just keeping my cool. And I was ready to just go for it. Like the man.

Yeah, that wise man. Yeah.

And so she didn't miss a beat and she just said, yeah, that's how I feel. Wow.

Wait, in the doc, Tig, I know there's a couple. I watched Tig. Yes. Just T-I-G.

I'm familiar.

In that one, the story is a little bit, hey, this is not going to work for me. I'm romantically in love with you, Stephanie, and you're straight. And I need to probably pull the plug because I'm going to get destroyed.

That was before. We had met on In a World. I got really ill. Cancer, intestinal disease, pneumonia. My mother tripped and died.

I don't know about, certainly, but yes, I'm agreeing with the chronology of your story.

We exchanged numbers to go to Sundance.

Well, and then this is my favorite part, because I think we've all, a lot of us have experienced this. You just start texting. Yeah. And then you just can't stop texting. We could not stop.

And I told her that. And I didn't think she was interested in me. I just explained, I'm not a big texter. I do not like texting. I said, I went out with a girl for coffee.

Yeah, that's a lot.

So I give Stephanie my number. And she goes, oh, well, I hate texting too. So don't worry about it. And then that night, I go to bed and she texts me. Sweet dreams.

Clean girl, dirty girl, whatever.

Who cares? Straight girl, dirty girl. So I go down to La Pubelle. And I show up and I have this big Canadian sweater on with a big eagle on the back. And I walk in.

The cable knit sweater.

Yeah. And I'm like, this is insane. Are you writing a book? Are you at home writing a book all day like me?

Exactly.

And I said, we should switch sweaters. And her friend was standing there and he goes, yeah, switch sweaters and I'll take a picture. And we put our arms around each other. We start making out as soon as we touch each other. Wait, what?

Wow.

And was it a, quote, bit you were doing?

Right. No.

No. It was an explosion of passion.

As soon as we touched each other. Because we had just been texting for months.

Yes. I love these. This is like people across the country that meet each other online and they have a whole thing, and then they get together and they're nervous that they're not going to like each other. And then there's some explosion.

Oh my gosh. It was insane.

Best kiss of your life? Well, yeah. Okay.

And then that's when she wrote me and she said, hey, it was so fun kissing and I like you so much. I'm not gay. She wrote me like a 10 page email going on and on about how much she loved hanging out with me, how much fun, how fun it was to kiss. And then I just wrote her back and said, okay, Dyke.

That's all what, like 11 years ago?

Yeah. We've hit 10 years. We're going into 11, and 1% cannot stand each other.

Sure, sure, sure, sure. I like more focusing on the fun texting part.

Me too, but I like hearing that, because that's the reality. And if you go into anything thinking it's 100%, and if the 1% happens, it's like, oh, maybe we don't like each other. No, that's just probably normal.

You know, the thing I was thinking of during the story is how sad I feel for single people who do want a partner being the right pressure on that throttle. Three texts after one coffee, terrified. One text making fun of that word golden. Yeah. Now, give me more.

Yeah. And I knew I was taking a massive risk writing okay, Dyke to her and not saying anything else, but it works.

Yeah, no, I think that's definitely the best response.

But the three text girl was probably a fan.

No. No?

Are you sure?

I couldn't be more positive. And that was part of the problem. She had no sense of humor. And I think we maybe went out twice. We had coffee and then maybe we went out for dinner across from where I was doing standup.

Okay. Can we talk about Mississippi for a minute? Yeah. Mississippi, Houston, Christian. What's that?

Past Christian.

Very rough name for me.

It's the Cajun pronunciation of Christian.

Yeah. Just to name a town, Christian. for me is scary.

Oh, for sure. I'm just so used to it.

But if I tell you, I was from Jesus, Michigan.

Yeah.

It was probably a lot of pressure there.

One of my sons, we were at a friend's house. We were in Ohio and they're very Catholic and there's a picture of Jesus. And Max was like, is that Jesus? And I just turned up my friend's mother. I was like, baby steps.

Yeah, there's a colorful, French, vibrant vibe.

Yeah.

Drinking, we'll add, that's pretty elevated there, yeah?

People are thirsty. Yeah. It's hot. It is hot and people are thirsty.

And it's humid.

There's a coffee shop in the town that is one of the best cups of coffee you can get that side of the Mississippi. Okay. And they also have a bookstore. that's in the coffee shop. that is unbelievable.

Okay. Oh, wow.

So the line is out the door. Cat Island Bookstore and Coffee Shop. It's phenomenal.

I think the part I was most curious of selfishly, is that mom grew up pretty wealthy. Mom grew up with house staff and nannies. Yeah. And the grandfather had been a mayor of New Orleans.

My great-great-grandfather.

Right. So my father's past, and I talk with complete, reckless disregard about him. I also mentioned nonstop. I love the daylights out of him. I might be unique in that.

Well, I mean, she initially did not have that with my father. Right. Because he was a partier. He moved town to town. I always make the joke, you know, when you're at some weird place and you turn to a friend and go, oh, I didn't know your dad worked here.

You know what I mean?

Like, very stereotypical. That was no joke, my father. Yeah. And my mother was fancy. And that didn't work out between my parents.

I had a Rick. Yeah. It's a great stepdad name.

That's what stepdad's for name. Yeah, standard. Yeah. But he brought a lot of structure. He was an attorney.

Controlling.

Yeah.

Maybe even within that, that she, I don't know enough about the situation, but maybe had to marry someone that could take care of her. Even that is maybe in the mix of having grown up one way.

My understanding was that my grandmother, who was very controlling, was like, okay, Susie, you had your go at it.

Yes. With this man, Pat. Is that your dad's name, Pat?

Pasquale Notaro.

Perfect.

And she said, I'm going to introduce you to a man in New Orleans.

The grandmother set this-.

Set them up. Oh, really? Through her friend.

So you will marry him.

Yeah. When people would meet my mother and Rick, it was so confusing because my mother was so wild. And she was a drinker, no doubt. But then she would go through periods of time where she would quit.

How long would those last?

It would be months or years.

Would she ever like join a program or anything? No. Just she would willpower.

Yeah. And so it was a real rollercoaster. She was wild from putting us to bed and then going out at night. She'd climb trees with us. We'd kick the balls on the roof.

She'd serve people martinis with the screws from her toes. Yeah. Surgery, and the olives. Yeah. She was a provocateur a little bit.

I remember a friend of mine, when I was in sixth grade and I wrote about this in the book, it was time to take my friend home. And my mother said, do you all want to get on the hood of the car to go home? And we were like, yeah. Yeah. And so we were holding on to the hood and she's driving us.

Get the reaction of the guy in the Chevelle.

One of the quote unquote famous moments from my childhood was when my principal said, what if your mother knew what you were doing? And I said, what if you knew what my mother was doing? And that was really how I grew up thinking like, you can't really touch me because my mother is...

Going for broke out there in the streets.

Oh, I'm tardy. I was talking in class. I don't even know what to say to you.

Stay tuned for more armchair expert. If you dare.

Well, and all my friends went off to high school. Right. So I was so humiliated that I was still in eighth grade after everybody went on and I failed again, but they moved me up to ninth and then I dropped out. And so I have technically a seventh grade education.

But were you beating yourself up at all? I'm curious what the internal experience was, where you're like, I got to buckle down and learn this. Or you're like, I'm just never going to do it and I don't care.

I was never going to do it. I remember I was in school suspension for whatever tardies or talking. I was never doing anything terrible. When I think about what's going on today.

It was PG.

Yeah, PG-13.. Maybe PG-17.. But I was sneaking the car out. I was smoking. So I was in school suspension and I was in there for whatever thing I had done, talking tardy, and you get your first day assigned and then they deliver your classwork.

Right. That's how you got an in-school suspension in the first place.

I'm in ninth grade and I'm like 47.. So I'm like, this, isn't.

You parked your work truck out front because you have an actual job.

I got kids in the car. So I remember thinking, I'm just going to head out. The person in charge of in-school suspension was one of the gym coaches. And so I got up from my desk and I was walking towards the door and I remember the big coach and he stood up. He goes, whoa, whoa, whoa.

And as you were walking away from the school, did you feel an explosion of freedom or did you have any fear?

No. I truly felt similarly to when I realized, oh, I am a stand-up comedian. This feels right. Or, oh, I'm gay. Because I found myself always just plotting and planning, where can I go?

Get going with my real life.

Yeah.

Did you have a goal for what that, quote, real life was going to be, or look like? Or you were like, no, I just want to start?

I pictured myself alone. It was like a cartoon. I pictured myself on a bicycle and a basket with a child in it. Okay. So I pictured me and one child.

So, pedestrian, for your unique everything.

And that was the cartoon version that I would relay to people. I was like, me and little Timmy, we're going to go out into the world. And I wanted a child that was comfortable anywhere, which is kind of what my mother made me and my brother. Yeah. Like, I wanted a kid.

Check in with him in a few hours.

And just put him to bed on everyone's coats. on the bed in the other room. I didn't see a kid holding me back in any way. I'm going to bring him everywhere. We're just going to go hang out and live this life together, me and little Timmy.

So, as you get interested in music and you go to Colorado, I'm curious, what is your musical genre?

I'm all over the place. So eclectic. I am just as happy listening to the Indigo Girls, to Ray Charles, to Van Halen, to Willie Nelson, Gladys Knight.

You love it all.

Oh, my gosh. I was also very into, like Edie Brickell.

I was just about to say Edie Brickell, Shooting Rubber Bands.

What an album. But also, did you ever get the follow up, Ghost of a Dog? Yes.

Just made my girls listen to it in the pool like two weeks ago. I'm like, we're listening to this whole album.

You're a good man. You're a good man.

Did you stumble upon Grenadine or any of these other, they were more female punk bands, but there were so many good ones around the same era.

No, but I would love to hear. Maybe when I come, cold plunge, you can play that for me.

First, we'll go through Edie Brickell's entire discography.

Edie Brickell wrote the theme song for my podcast.

Get out of here. You have a personal friendship with her? I got to tell you, when I played this album for the girls, and then you start going, who is she? Well, and then I go, I think she married Paul Simon. Right.

They are still married.

Oh, my God. Wonderful. Seemingly, she stopped making albums and I thought, oh no, this marrying Paul thing backfired. She didn't.

She put out solo material, but also she joined forces with Steve Martin. In fact, I was nominated for Grammy one year. I didn't know her then, but they won best Americana album, I believe.

Him on the banjo.

Yeah. And so I presented Edie Brickell and Steve Martin. I got to announce their win and I'm standing there and childhood Tig, my comedy and music loves, are walking towards my face and I'm handing them a Grammy.

Oh my God. That's so simulation.

It was so incredible. But for my podcast, they said, hey, we have some cash for you to hire someone to do music. And I said, this is probably going to be way under her fee.

Yeah. This is going to be like shooting rubber bands at the start.

So I said, I would love for Edie Brickell if I could get her to write a song.

Wow. Good for you for just asking.

Yeah. That's incredible. And I've only met her that brief moment handing her the Grammy, but she didn't know who I was at the time and we didn't hang out or anything. I was just like, oh, congrats. And it was through reps and people reaching out.

Send them all.

I have the Texas Monthly Magazine you were on the cover of. So send them away for the rest of my life. But yeah, we've maintained a friendship through email.

I only had one. I've had two. One of the experiences was love Sinead O'Connor so much. Just obsessed, obsessed, obsessed. And then the second movie I made, there was a moment where I had one of her songs at the end of the movie and we were in the phase of getting permission and they said, well, she would like to watch the whole movie if she's going to agree to license her song to it.

Oh, my God. I just got chills.

Yeah, me too.

That's awesome.

Yeah. Did you watch her, doc?

I didn't.

It's a beautiful documentary.

When did it come out?

This year. The moment, in fact, for me that would make me cry every time is you know her story. She lived outside. Her mother wouldn't let her live in her house. She's had to sleep in the garden.

Yeah.

To be that subjugated and oppressed and still at some point go, fuck you. I'm letting it rip. Yeah. I'm beautiful. I don't know what it is about that.

I can't wait to watch that.

I haven't cried that hard in my whole life, I don't think. Anywho, yeah, I had that moment where I was like, wow, this person, Sinead O'Connor, she was some angel for me, has seen that I'm on planet Earth as well with her and actually consumed something I made and then liked it. Wow, what a moment.

Yeah. Edie told me she and Paul watched The Tig Doc on Netflix.

Isn't that incredible?

Yeah. I don't know if she's seen anything much more of mine, but I also don't need that from her. She's given you enough. Yeah.

The one I was going to bring up was we were at school and everyone was like, Prince is dead. Do you remember this? That happened down in Texas?

When Prince died?

He hadn't died, but when I was in third grade, at the height of Prince and Purple Rain and the Prince everything, there was a rumor that circulated that Prince was dead, and for like two days, because there's no internet or anything, everyone mourned Prince being dead. I can't believe you don't remember that. That didn't make its way down to-.

No, I don't know where I was, but-.

It could have just been your school.

No, I thought we could look this up. It was one of these Mandela effect things where it's like, everyone thought, yes, it was believed that he was dead for a minute.

No, I thought you were telling me that. I was like, I wasn't a child. I know where I was when I heard Prince died. I was in Palm Springs with my wife.

Children. Fully grown.

Yeah.

But living through Purple Rain as a whole experience, it's hard to not share with somebody, isn't it?

Yeah. Stephanie is not a Purple Rain person. The song, she's just like, I don't get it.

Yes. I can see. now, like if I can pull myself out of its power, I can realize everything's a little pervy from that whole stretch. I can see. if you didn't grow up with it, it'd be different than it is to me.

I don't know how it is humanly possible to not be obsessed with the song Purple Rain. When Stephanie looked at me and said, I don't get it.

You got to question her.

I don't know what-.

You're like, I don't get you.

Yeah, it reminds me of, you know, whatever. that noise is that you play and some people hear something and then other people hear that other thing.

Oh, I don't know that, but I want to take this test.

I don't know.

It's like the blue dress, gold dress thing?

Yeah, it's kind of like that. It's the same thing with hearing things. And I feel like maybe she's got a blue dress and I got a gold dress. I don't know, but what are you talking about?

I like when some people eat cilantro and taste soap.

Oh, that's one too.

That's a genetic mutation. Maybe there's something about Purple Rain.

Yeah, I think she's eating soap when she hears that.

She has a genetic mutation, for sure.

Yeah, it's because she's wrong. It's not up for debate. It's a masterpiece.

Are you seeing Taylor Swift while she's at SoFi?

I would love to, but I'm only in town for a few days.

That's right.

Where are you going?

Well, I was on a family vacation and then I came in town to do Stand Up to Cancer, the Katie Couric event that she does.

Pro-cancer, really?

Yeah, pro-cancer.

Is the family still in Montauk?

They're actually in Colorado. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, but we're full-blown on the most family vacation summer we've ever had. Ooh. Have you been to Montauk?

No, I haven't. I've only heard of it being the chill, laid-back surf part of Long Island. It's perfect.

I mean, it suits our family just fine. We were like, we will be back every summer.

These East Coast folks know a thing or two about how to spend summertime.

How to summer.

I think yes.

Do you know the comedian Laura Keitlinger? Uh-uh. She was one of my favorites when I was coming up, even before I started Stand Up. And in her book, which is so great, she makes a joke of somebody asking, where does she summer? And she's like, outside?

Are they fun family vacations for you or are they work?

Well, you have two seven-year-olds?

Yeah, I have two seven-year-olds. I mean, it can't help but be both of those things, not vacation-y and vacation-y. I have to say, though, we've had a really great time. A lot of hanging out on the beach, one of our kids, he'll just stand out in the water and as the waves crash in, he just yells, fun!

This is fun!

I mean, just loving it, you know? And you can't get him in from the waves. He's just there.

So pure.

Yeah. And they're still at that age where no shame to ask their two moms to come hold hands with them in the waves. And this is their idea, to yell family while we jump in the waves.

Oh, I like this.

That is so cute. So we're holding hands and we're just jumping.

And yelling family.

Because they're too fun.

If you're on the beach watching this, you're like, oh, they almost got divorced this year. They're like, I'm the man. Look at this.

They're trying to fix a very deep wound.

Family, family.

My friends that I had mentioned we had visited in Ohio, they had a family vacation every year. There's five kids, two parents. I think the grandmother lived with them. And they didn't have a lot of money. And they would pile everyone into the station wagon.

Staring at Cincinnati, probably.

So my kids are definitely getting more than the Drawbridge Motel.

Yeah. But it doesn't help to explain to them what the alternative is. It just doesn't register for them.

Nothing helps. When we were in Ohio, I had told them in front of our friends, I said, if you do not agree on something, then we will not go to the Cincinnati Reds game. And my son, Finn, they call me Mayor, which is French for mother. And he said, Mayor, you always say that you're going to not let us do something, but you never do. Right.

Called out.

So embarrassing. Yeah. Right.

Well, now you've painted me into a corner.

And now I'm going to have to. And now you're in big trouble.

Yes. For being honest and observant.

In front of all of our family friends, pointing out that I actually don't do anything to.

Discipline.

I don't follow through at all. No follow through.

Oh, my God.

Yeah. That was a tactical blunder on his end.

Yeah.

Reminds me one time my mother was spanking my brother and I, because we had been fighting endlessly. And while she was spanking me, I started laughing. And she's a single mother over her head. And I think she felt so powerless. These two boys, they're now laughing when she spanks.

And did you now laugh at her swinging it?

We were screaming. We thought she was going to murder us. We thought we were dying. Oh, my God. We broke.

Yeah.

She's also 27.. I don't know. She's young. When I think back, I think of her as my age. But she wasn't.

And then can you imagine? And this is no judgment about your mother. But can you imagine doing that now?

Of course not. Right. I don't even spank my kids. But A, it's not 83.. Your culture tells you exactly what to do, and you do it.

I mean, if you lost it and just started.