NFL Week 6, Eagles/Niners Go Down, Are The Jets Good? Who's Back And More
2023-10-16 02:30:09
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Eharmony Get who gets you on? Today's part of my take. We have NFL Week six recap. Fastest two minutes down go the undefeated teams.
We get some interesting things coming out of an NFL Sunday.
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To Electric Avenue, and then we'll take it higher, Oh, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue.
It's part of my take present about martial sports.
Welcome to part of my take. Today is Monday, October 16th, week six.
That one felt good.
Brian Brian Dable Tick, tick, tick, tick, huh? We start in London, where the Ravens made the reverse pilgrimage over to England on the Zayflower. As he scored a touchdown in the first half, the lads were playing some real hogo bonito.
Is that how you say it, Teej? It is the beautiful game, the beautiful game. As Justin Tuckingham-Palace wiped the smile off Ryan Notting Hill's face on the way to six field goals, Patrick Queen-Elizabeth wasn't dead after all, as he had nine tackles and a sack.
Current Tottenham star Harry Kane was confused with the cheers as nine kicks went over the crossbar on purpose. The Ravens 24, the Titans 16. What Harry Kane? My favorite spur?
Backstage side, where? Riddle me this, riddle me that when you throw three interceptions, your coach's chins look fat. Sam Haliban made his triumphant return to Atlantistan as Brian David Robinson performed Admiral OB in the backfield all Sunday. Kendall Roy Fuller looked like the eldest boy with his interception, and Logan Roy Thomas told Falcons fans.
Fuck off, fuck off. you're not a serious quarterback. Come on, Desmond, fuck off.
Commanders 24, Falcons 16..
To the windy city, where Tyson, Oh, oh, it's Badgen, you know? came in relief of Justin Fields, Hey Teej, Tyson Badgen, from, from, from.
German Shepherd University. Because he's got that dog in him. Boom.
The Bears, driving late to try and win, met Byron Murphy's law, as everything can go wrong will go wrong for these Chicago Bears. Hope you enjoyed last week's win. Matt Dweeberflus back to the locker for you. Vikings 19, Bears 13. You see, his name is Eberflus, and we called him Dweeberflus.
He's a dweeb boom, he's a dweeb.
In sunny, sunny Florida, where Andrew Bryce Clay was little boy Blue, he needed the money. Oh, oh.
Raheem Toaster was making a lot of bread cooking for the Panthers defense on the way to a couple of touchdowns.
After a slow start to a fast to a furious, got the Dolphins offense rolling.
And in a touching tribute to my good friend Paul Walker, Tyreek Hill went so fast he hurt himself too soon. Boom, Chewbacca, Hubbard summed up all Panthers fans feelings this season when he said, Ah, ah.
Ah ah.
Ah ah, ah, ah ah.
Ah ah, ah, ah ah.
Ah ah, ah, ah ah.
A.H. Panthers 21 to Cincinnati, where Joe Burrow started out Ben Savage mode on the Seahawks defense, hitting Tyler Boyd meets World for an early touchdown. The second half was all defense as Mike one night in Paris, Hilton used his night vision to pick off Geno Smith and Trey. What can Brown do for you? Returned the favor with Burrow as time ticked, ticked, ticked, ticked down. Geno Smith and Wesson wasn't able to pull the trigger on the comeback. And the Bengals take down the Seahawks 17-13..
Over to Believeland, where Brock Turdy laid a massive, massive stinker as the Browns did their best Taylor swift impression and hopped in their P.J. Walker. That is Christian theology. McCaffrey left, miraculous, Riedler turned and then left again after moving the rock just a little bit. Leaving everyone to argue pointlessly for years to come about what he would have done if he were still around. Campari Cooper had some of his best receptions, leaving the 40 Whiners with a bitter taste in their mouths.
Jake Moody Blues had a wreck of the Edmond Miss Gerald. And that beautiful popping sound you hear is the 1972 dolphins opening their champagne bottles, or it could be Deshaun Watson's penis. Enjoying another week off playing football on Sundays. The Niners lose, the Niners lose. In the Meadowlands, where if I had a million solos, I'd buy a real grass field as a turf monster captured a few more players today.
The Jets are zach in the saddle again as the young quarterback grows in confidence. Ray J. Brown was going deep, but Jalen Flirtz was being too friendly with the Jets secondary, giving them the ball three times, the last time. Being the game changer. As Breece Lightning go, Breece Lightning ran in untouched for the winning score.
The Jets win is a shot in the arm for their season, as injured quarterback Aaron Rodgers was in attendance. Making his millions of dollars a year to appear on podcasts and nothing else. Jets 20 Eagles 14. Huh, huh.
Huh the jets, huh eagles. We head down to Tampa Bay, where Amin Bra Saint Brown contained a big TD.
As the Lions often said, take it golf, take it all golf. Tampa should put the creamsicles back in the freezer because they're melting down once again. The Lions sealed the win when they took a very whiskey shot downfield of Jameson and Baker. Mayfield of Dreams had a very costner interception. Don't look now, but the Detroit Lions are five and one.
Huh, huh, the Lions are five and one, The Lions won five games and they only lost one game, huh?
The Lions 20, LeBron 6.
For the first time this year, we're doing a Raiders recap and we bring in our correspondent, Henry Lockwood, to give us the game.
Up to Sin City, where it was master versus apprentice as Bill Belichickum faced off against Posh McDaniels in the house that Mark Davis built. Jimmy Guapolo was balling like it was his first day at the Feds as he iced out Jacoby Myers for a first quarter score before getting hurt. Brian Sawyer anchored the Raiders offense for the rest of the 60 minutes.
And outlasted Max Spike Jones, who played like a real jackass all game, including a fourth quarter safety that cost the Patriots the game and the cover.
The Raiders 21, Patriots 17. That safety hurt you, huh? Real bad, real bad, Boo.
Standing on a corner, Jameis Winston down and no love. Such a fine sight to see. It's that dude C.J. throwing balls away. It's his first career int. Come on play Groupie.
Your kicks are loopy and the Saints got sent home. Sorry, just like Blue Pee, that fat fuck. Texans 20, Saints 13.
And that is week six.
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Okay, week six in the books. We are watching the fourth quarter of the Bills Giants. The Bills struggle mightily with the Giants. We will talk about this game after it concludes, but they have, the Giants are playing like, literally Justin Pugh off his couch.
He said that as he started recurring. Guest Justin Pugh Good friend Justin Pugh.
I would be so upset if I was a Giants fan. And you know that your offensive line stakes going in this game and then they do the starting lineups. And one guy's like, Yeah, I literally wasn't playing football, but he was, I mean, I followed him.
He for for a long time, aws. I remember. We did an exit interview with him as well. We gave him the first guest in New York. Yeah, we gave him an ant trap, a live ant trap. A great dude, and he was, I think he was working in real estate in Arizona.
He was tweeting about it.
And they called him up and he is on the giants, yeah, and doing an okay job, playing well tonight. The giants are are giving the bills, they're, they're winning right now.
They're up nine to seven. The Bills have the ball going in, but the giants they're going to be, I think they're going to be kicking themselves over the end of the half.
How that first half ended? Brian Dable forgot how time works. Yeah, and Tyrod, I think, also was part of the blame.
Yeah, so Tyrod. So Brian Dable made it very clear to the cameras that it was not his fault that Tyrod ran the ball. I think he checked into a run and unfortunately, the clock keeps running if you don't get in the end zone. But if you have a beast of an offensive line like the Giants, you have to try to run the ball right there.
It's very clear. Yes, yeah, if you, yeah, you're basically you got to play to your strengths and just shove it down their throat, okay?
So we will, we will recap. Once this game does go final. Let's talk some football boys. It was a wild week in the NFL. We had our last two undefeated teams go down, but we will start with the London game.
Ravens 24, Titans 16.
It's not often that we're smart and we get things right. But God damn, did we nail this game? The Titans came out and were absolutely asleep for the entire first half. The Ravens go up 15 at halftime. Titans mount a little bit of a comeback in the second half. And the Ravens win the game after the like abysmal game against Pittsburgh last week.
Kind of right. The ship and the Titans are left wondering. One Ryan Tano, gets hurt, so they're wondering, Okay, is it going to be? Maybe we'll have his time. Willis had one of the dumbest plays I've ever seen in terms of situational awareness, where with a minute left on first and goal with no timeouts, they were down.
What two scores? And he, he actually, like, tried to stay in bounds, he could have stepped out of bounds, he tried to stay in bounds. Clock keeps running.
He also got sacked four times. He was in for like, a quarter and a half. And what? What the future of the Titans look like, cause they're at a crossroads.
No, they also had like nine flags on that last possession. On that goal. I said the series kept getting extended and extended and then Willis made the dumbest play ever. True penalty because this guy tried to throw a block in the back on that, they backed it up and then variable was just like, Fuck it.
This isn't getting better. I'm just going to kick a field goal right now and hope for the best. Um, they had. I'm actually not ready to declare the Titans dead yet. No cause variable always finds a way.
The last time they started two and four, you know what they did, I think they made it all the way to the AFC Championship. Yes, so the Titans have a not unfavorable schedule coming up. They could still do something crazy. But I do think that Mike variable strategy of, like, trying to pretend that time zones don't exist and just saying, fuck it.
We're men, we're football players, we're not going to let the clock beat us. Um, well, the clock did kind of beat them. And the time zones also easily. Soundly defeated the Titans today. There was a, uh, a very smart play that happened towards the end of the game. By it was Roquan Smith. It was like, you know, you see the compilations on YouTube of like 1000 IQ plays in the N.FL that no one talks about.
Yes, Roquan could have tackled their receiver that caught a pass in the middle of the field. He let him get up, not to punch the ball out, but to let him take like three or four more seconds off the clock. So that after he tackled him, it ran down to the two minute warning.
I wish he was a true Raven. He's not. He's not a Raven yet, cause he has to beat the Steelers, but he is a fucking, really good football.
Baltimore football player Roquan Smith had the had the smartest play of that day.
As for the Ravens, I am, I feel like the Ravens are in the good. Have not figured out how to be great category yet, because this is as weird as it sounds. It was kind of similar to last week against Pittsburgh, where a lot of decent drives ending in field goals. Not being able to step on a team's throat. Like they were up 15 at half, they should have been up 25 plus.
Yeah, they're kicking a lot of field goals.
Yeah, they're kicking field goals, they're not finishing drives and they're not stepping on those like letting teams just kind of linger around, so I they're. They're obviously a very good team, but they still have like that killer instinct. They need to find where they can just say, all right, we're, we're going to, we're going to. Step on your throat, make sure that this game is a no doubter.
We win this game.
Yeah, they've got a tough schedule coming up, too. Yeah, they just play a lot of good teams. But I want to make something very clear because the report came out this morning that the NFL is quote mulling over the idea of having a Superbowl in London. If that happens, we riot.
If that happens, we riot. It's, it's. It's simple as that, if if we have to play a Superbowl in England, we get all of England back as part of the United States.
It's the SuperBowl, it's not the International Bowl, Super is for America, that's what we are, we are super.
We made the only, the only country that's able to make a league that is confined by our borders and call ourselves world champions. Yeah, that wasn't an invite to do the Superbowl somewhere else. This made me. We said it on Friday. They're trying to sneak us, I won't let them sneak us.
I will let them sneak us because there's literally nothing we can do. And Roger Goodell could be like, Hey, we're playing the Superbowl like the Saudis are now hosting the Superbowl. Cool, we'll be there.
Like, media, Rose is going to probably be weird, but we'll fucking.
Washington Post will not have a table over there. Yeah, Hank, I just don't think they'll do it, cause of the time when they would do, they would adjust for the time they would figure it out.
They would play the game at like, I would, I will protest, they'll play the game at like 9 p.m. 9 p.m. You know what pft, what we got to do?
If they do this, we will protest by never changing our internal clock away from central time. Agreed, cause we will go to London, we'll probably have a great time, probably enjoy ourselves very much, but we will protest.
It's disgusting that they're even thinking about doing it, at the very least if you're going to put it in a different country. Do it someplace warm, that we can all go in February, that would be nice.
But for for Americans that watch football in their own time zones. And like the idea of a Superbowl taking place here in the United States, which is all of us, why are we going to let Europe just take that from us?
So I think this is a classic Roger Goodell bait and switch. We've seen it many times. He's actually an incredible negotiator when it comes to this stuff. You can say whatever you want about Roger Goodell. But very similar to the time when when he when he banned touchdown celebrations and then gave them back to the players in negotiations. Or was like, Hey, you guys can smoke weed. But like, we're making sure that these the franchise tag stays in place and all the owners get all the money.
But yeah, yeah, you guys can smoke weed, we'll give that up. I think what he's doing here is he's floating it, it's a trial balloon.
So then he can be like, all right, no Superbowl in London, but the Jaguars are in London. Yeah, that's what he's doing.
That sounds right to me. The weed one was so funny, cause I think it was actually, we'll let you guys smoke pot. You just have to play one more game of football right here, right?
How does that sound? I care about safety.
He just gets, he puts something out there, bad like, and then he just says, Oh, you know what, I'll? I won't do that, but we are going to do this other bad thing. Yeah, it's terrible.
And we're like, Oh, thank God, no Superbowl in London. Now we have to wake up every night.
You know what he'll do, he'll do two teams in England.
I'm sick, I'm so sick of the morning, the London game, cause it just isn't the same anymore. It's just I'm happy we get a break.
I just want a break, you know what it does, it doesn't feel special.
It takes away, it takes away all the excitement and the like specialness of the 1pm kickoff, correct cause at 1pm when they kick off. It's like, Okay, football is happening right now, and you're so excited. You take a couple seconds to soak it all in.
It's just not the same. I hate it, I hate it. And Goodell, if you, if you put the Superbowl over in London, I will boycott. I'm going to boycott the Pro Bowl, I'm going to boycott the Pro Bowl.
And so should everybody else. That's as far as I can go.
I'm not going to go that far.
That's as far as I can go.
I'm going to boycott, let's just boycott preseason week three.
The second half of preseason week three done.
Okay, so you might lose us. Yeah, it is. We are the most helpless fans in the world. Because whatever they decide to do, we will consume it. And we. If they put the game in on Mars at fucking three in the morning, I will be setting alarm to watch the Martian Bowl.
And aren't there some other challenges that go along with having a Superbowl overseas? Like some people don't have a passport, you remember Passport Day? Remember that old argument that we had? Some players aren't allowed to travel internationally because of maybe a DUI on their record.
That's a heads up, by the way. If you're doing like a bachelor party in Canada, make sure nobody in your crew has a DUI because they won't let you into Canada. Yes, my friends learned that the hard way.
Not me personally. Some people like Hank are on the no fly list.
Yep, false.
I heard you're on the no fly list, fly anywhere you can. Oh yeah, that's true.
Vacation. Either way, don't do it. NFL, yeah.
We don't want it.
London also has a long way to go in terms of getting their like sideline safety procedures set up and ready to go. Because Ryan Tannehill got hurt and then he sat on the sidelines for like 20 minutes, waiting for an injury card. Yes, they didn't have that going. That was very sad, just watching him sit there and wait.
Do you agree with my assessment of the Ravens that I feel like they could be a potential Superbowl contender? But they're not there yet. I need to see them step on some throats and not have what happened last week in Pittsburgh, or even what the Titans flirted with this week. Like, I need to see the Ravens start blowing some teams out that they're clearly better than.
That's always the Ravens.
Yeah, I was going to say, right now, where the Ravens are is exactly where the Ravens have been for. It feels like the last 10 years.
But they haven't won a Superbowl in 10 years.
Yeah, they're good, they're a good team. The Ravens It would not surprise me if the Ravens beat any team in the NFL, but it would shock me if they went to the Superbowl.
Yeah, yeah, I mean, their defense is very good. What?
London 3-0.
London 3-0.
Congratulations Jake, you fucking thief of joy.
It's so funny watching British fans go nuts over field goals too. Yeah, they were having the time of their life over there. They were like every field goal. They're like, Oh, we can't believe it.
Nine of them, It's incredible. Nine of them, yeah, nine field goals.
So many field goals, you got your feel.
Yeah, all right. Next game Bengals-Seahawks Bengals 17, Seahawks 13..
Hank, Don't shake your head. What are you shaking your head for? I just like to say, don't shake your head like Jim Calhoun, but what are you shaking your head for?
I mean, I'm sure you'll get into it. The Seahawks choked this game away.
This was actually, yeah, the Seahawks, so it's kind of which side you're looking at it from. Like, if you're the Seahawks. Like, man, we should have won that game and you could make the argument they should have.
They had 24 to 15 first downs, they had 381 yards to the Bengals 214. But the Bengals defense also stood up and won that game for them in the second half. Because it was basically the Bengals showed up. Played great for two drives, they had a drive, a touchdown drive, 13 plays, 69 yards touchdown, seven plays, 73 yards touchdown.
Then the rest of the game, they had 33 plays for a total of 87 yards. They just completely like. It went back to week one. Bengals on offense, but the Bengals defense was lights out at the end. Because the Seahawks went like, they actually went very similar where they had first and goal from the four field goal, first and goal from the five. Interception first and goal from the seven turnover and downs, first and 10 from the 11 turnover and downs. They were in the red zone five times and they got one field goal out of it in the last five trips, they went down.
Yes, the red zone, that's the difference maker.
You had five trips.
They scored a touchdown, then their next four trips, they had one field goal.
In the second half, they were in there four times and got three points out of it. Carroll needs to start calling it the red area, he calls it the red zone. As football guys, we know that if you're a football coach that knows what he's talking about, you just call it the red area. And it sounds a lot cooler.
And it sounds like something that you can attack a lot better.
Yeah, attack the red area, make a play in the red area. Andre Yoshivosh. He got his first career touchdown today. Joe Burrow ran, sprinted to the end zone. That's how you know that his calf is doing good.
I haven't seen that kind of mobility out of Joe in a long time. Sprinted to the end zone, picked up the ball, ran it back to the sidelines, gave it to him. It was also his birthday, he got a birthday touchdown today. And then, Burrow said the classic thing after the game, I'm not going to apologize for winning.
Don't apologize for winning, Joe.
No, I really do think that if you're a Bengals fan, it's a little bit disconcerting that the offense still looks as bad as it did for the last three quarters. But the good news is, the defense looks like it's back to the defense. That got you guys to a Super Bowl a couple years ago, got you to the AFC Championship last year. And weirdly, for the Seahawks, I just think the Seahawks are a really good team. They have to obviously fix their red zone offense. But they shut down the Bengals in the second half.
Their defense is young and awesome. And I didn't walk away being like, man, the Seahawks, they're not that good. They should have won that game, but I really do think the Seahawks are a very good team.
They are offensively, they need to get the ball in the end zone, but if you just look at stats, they move the ball on offense. D..K. Metcalf was being a bully again today.
I like it when D.
K does that when he does something absolutely absurd and draws a personal foul penalty for it. I like that get him involved because I feel like the secondary guy that just gets his shit pushed in. Is going to be thinking about that for the rest of the game.
It's also great because every time it happens, it will be the wide angle, like the All 22 angle, and it will zoom in and be like, and this happened after the play. It's like, Oh, D.k lost his mind again, Yeah, and D.k.
Knows exactly what's going to happen.
D.
K looks so big on the All 22, also compared to everybody else. He's a monster, he's gotten bigger, I think.
I think so, too. I think D.K.'s put on like 20 pounds of muscle.
Jake Bobo is my favorite guy's name.
He's a good, that's a good guy. Jake Bobo. He had a great catch today where he got rocked, he got smoked, and then he just stood up immediately.
I would die, I actually think I would be dead if I took that hit.
It also is one of my favorite little things about football, you know? It's like when you're in a relationship for a really long time, like, Oh, I like the smell or this little cute thing you do. Whenever there's a big hit and all three flags come in simultaneously, I just kind of chuckle. I'm like, that was nice.
Ref's all on the same page. Yeah, right, it was just.
And it just feels like a more significant flag when all three flags show up at the same time.
If you're a ref and you don't throw your flag when the three flags land at the same time. You got to get that sucker out and fire it in there too. Just like, join the party, yeah, it's like, I saw two guys, I saw two.
We should, we should save that for Mount Rushmore next year. Just little little quirks about football that we love, that we just think about in those long summer days.
I mean, the sound of a goalpost getting hit by football, that's a good sound usually. Yeah, that is the touchback, oh, the touchback sign.
The touchback signal, Yeah, that's always sick.
Shout out to the legion of Spoon. They're out for blood today. Dream bet hit. So here's some stats about Jamar Chase. He had four catches, 60 yards on the first two drives, and then two catches for 20 yards for the rest of the game.
And he also debuted a website today. Really, yes, he did. He had this plan going into this game, so he thought he was going to have a big game.
It's Isjamaropen.
Com ooh, go to isjamaropen.com right now, check out what it says. It says yes.
I love that. Not that great of a game. He only had 80 yards, which is a lot of yards, but he did absolutely nothing in the second half.
Well, the entire offense did nothing. The 7-11 chain is awesome as well, it was very cool he was wearing a 7-11 chain. But yeah, if you're a Bengals fan, it's kind of crazy that you're sitting here 3-3. And it feels like you have been through hell this year in terms of your team.
Just never.
The Bengals have not submitted an A-plus game, not even close, and now they have their gauntlet of the 49ers and bills back-to-back. I think they get a bye week here, but at least you're 3-3..
And these next two games, 49ers-bills, if you can split those, you'll feel good. Yeah, I think that's where you're at.
Yeah, you've got to just position yourself for a late-season run, just hope you're going to catch fire.
Get healthy late-season run and I think the Seahawks are going to be a team that is definitely in the mix. Yep, late season, all right. So the bills look like they might have sealed this game.
Oh, no, there's a 4th and 8.
Anything else on this game, it's just a fun. It's a fun color game too. I just like seeing the Seahawks in stadiums.
You don't really see them in very often.
I don't know why. Yeah, playing against the Bengals, you don't really, I don't recall that.
It's like when we talked about dolphins and the giants.
Yeah, right, we never played Dolphins Panthers. Yeah, it's fun, it's just fun to see. That was crazy.
Okay, next game Browns 19, 49ers 17 The first shocker of the day. The 49ers have lost their first game. Brock Purdy has lost his first regular season game.
The 49ers look mortal for an afternoon, and the Browns, basically, with P..J. Walker playing, summon up enough defense. Jim Schwartz Shout-out Jim Schwartz to stifle the 49ers. make them look mortal. And you have their kicker that they drafted in the third round.
Miss A What was it like, a 40-yarder?
I think it was 40 41.
Yeah, so the Browns, their rollercoaster season continues. They go win-loss, win-loss, win and every game is just like, What the fuck just happened? I don't know what to think of the Browns, but that was an insane defensive effort by the Browns and they deserve that win.
I got a question for you, big cat. Do you think that the Cleveland Browns are better without Deshaun Watson, Nick Chubb and Joel Batonio? They might be, they might be, and you had a lot of people talking about the 49ers being super injured today.
Well, the Browns, they got you beat when it comes to major injuries, I would say.
Yes, yes.
Christian McCaffrey went out. I don't think it's serious. It was an oblique which is like your side.
And so did Debo.
And Debo went out, too. There was a fight before the game, which I think that always favors the underdog. Yes, if there's a fight before the game, yes.
There's a very funny video of Trent Williams stepping in, and immediately the fight's over. It's like, Okay, yeah, we don't want, we can call this, we're good, we can call this right now.
We're good, by the way, so this is an interesting twist that I want to take you guys on real quick. I don't think you're going to expect what I'm going to say next because I didn't expect to find out what I found out next. On Friday, I gave you guys the stat. Jim Schwartz versus Kyle Shanahan.
Jim Schwartz gets the best of them every single time. Kyle Shanahan is now one in nine versus Jim Schwartz, and he has only scored over 20 points a single time. Now, if you remember, that stat came from a San Francisco 49ers beat writer named Jack Hammer, and we talked about how sick his name is. I went to look up Jack Hammer because I thought he was maybe going to update it. I found something out that's very interesting that happened between Friday and today.
I'll read this. This is from the Press Democrat to our readers this morning, I learned that. Jack Hammer, whose work as a freelance blogger covering the San Francisco 49ers, has appeared in the Press Democrat since July 2021. Had pleaded no contest to a felony child sex charge 18 years ago and was sentenced to 60 days of work release. We have terminated his service effective immediately. The incident, which involved a 17-year-old girl, occurred when. Hammer, whose real name is Jeff Patterson, was a high school football coach and math teacher in Morgan Hill, in the South Bay.
In addition to his work release sentence, he served five years of probation and had his teaching certificate permanently revoked. He was not required to register as a sex offender. As a freelancer, Patterson did not represent the Press Democrat in a professional capacity. As an independent contractor, he was not an employee and therefore was not subject to our employee background check process. I went to look up this guy on Sunday night and he had deleted all his Twitter, and it was basically all the news in the 49ers fan circles.
Being like, this guy is a fake guy who was a sex predator.
So a couple of things one, if you're going to try to fly under the radar, one, choose a different name besides Jack Hammer, Jack Hammer. That's going to make you stand out too hard. Also, this is a case of having a stat that was too good. Yeah, his stat was too good.
His stat was so good that people found out that he was a sex offender.
Never make a stat that is so good that it catches the eyes of everyone. And they're like, Oh my god, this Jack Hammer guy.
No, if you're a sex offender, all your stats should be things that nobody cares about, like Darren Ravel.
Yeah, pretty much yeah, that's interesting.
No, I'm saying, he's well, no, I did not say that, you did not, I did not.
I also didn't.
I'm just saying, I did not say that.
No, you did not, but yeah, Jack Hammer.
That would imply that he would have had to have sex at some point.
I really an all-time twist to basically doing our research on Sunday afternoon. And I look up to credit this guy. And all I see is so I see that scumbag. Jack Hammer deleted his Twitter. His real name is Jeff Patterson. I was like, What the fuck is going on here? So yeah, a twist on an incredible stat, one of the best stats we've had all year. That basically says that Kyle Shanahan has a lot of trouble with Jim Schwartz defenses. And what did we see on Sunday?
Jim Schwartz put Kyle Shanahan in a box like Brock, Purdy looked bad.
It looked bad. It also says something about the newspaper's hiring practices, where it just takes somebody submitting an obviously fake name. And then they scoot by and nobody looks into their past.
Yeah, I mean, he was an independent contractor, so yeah, but yeah, that was quite not what I expected when I went to look for that stat again.
I have a perfectly average stat that nobody will ever think that I'm hiding anything for, but it's an interesting stat, none the least. The Browns have given up 1,002 yards through five games this season, five games just over 1,000 yards. Hank. How many yards is that per game?
250.
25.
200.
25.
200.
25.
Right, yeah, you were close.
You were close. I actually was doing the same thing in my head as you were doing in your head. We're not smart.
You were doing four instead of five. I did that too, yeah.
Well, because it's very fun when someone's like, 1,000, divided by four.
It's like, easy 250.
250, Yep, wait, so it's 1,000, divided by five, so that's 200, so that's 200..
Yeah, yeah, that's 200, correct. That's the fewest any N.F.L. team has given up through five games in over 50 years.
That's crazy.
So the Browns defense, like the Browns, are really good.
Yeah, their defense is really good.
With a defense like that, you don't need deshaun to be deshaun from like five years ago, you just need deshaun to be like, slightly above average.
Yeah, they're really, really good and that, like their two losses, they did get killed by the Ravens. The Ravens did figure out the Browns defense because they they put up, you know, 300 yards on them. But the Steelers game, like, remember the Steelers game? that was not, the Browns defense, did everything they could.
It was the fact that the Browns offense kept turning the ball over. Yeah, the Browns are really good and I, if Deshaun Watson could come back and be decent, yeah, they're a really good football team. This was I, it was, I guess. If you're the 49ers, you're happy that you get the loss out of the way, kind of bring you back down to earth. And you're also happy that Jim Schwartz coached in the AFC.
Yeah, and you can also blame the refs for this one. Yeah, you always have that in your back pocket.
It was an insane amount of flags in this game.
There were crazy flag s.
There was like 200 plus yards of penalties.
There was a P.J. Walker fumble that was ruled an incomplete pass that I still have no idea how they how they ruled that to be a fumble. It was crazy, it made zero sense. There was like a there was a chain measurement that people were complaining about, too, which every time this happens. When there's like a very, very close first down, they bring the chains out, people are like, why are we using chains and sticks to measure first downs?
I actually like the chains and sticks, I like the chains and sticks, I like that. This is a multi-billion dollar organization that still brings out shit that you can buy at Home Depot for, like, $30, yeah.
To do their official measurements.
It rules, and there's also a very fun feeling of like, Ooh, will he? won't? he like, let's, let's, let's that final extension, yeah.
It's, it's drama, yeah. There was a total of 25 penalties for a hundred or 224 yards. That's insane. The Bills are trying to kick a field goal and he missed it.
So now a lot of missed kicks now.
Yeah, that was the second miss kick. Now the Giants could go win this game.
That's insane. Giants might be back for a game Tyrod Taylor Baby Revenge game cover.
Yeah, Tyrod Taylor, ty God, ty God. This is Jake Bass having a real tough night.
He's there.
Jake bass is jake?
Bass is our goalie. Yeah, yeah, okay, oh miles.
Miles Garrett, by the way, is a monster. 15 snaps with against Trent Williams He, I think Trent Williams was a little banged up, but still he had four QB pressures on 15 snaps. It's pretty good against Trent Williams.
Pretty good. Also. Kareem Hunt is back for Niners. Good. You like to see good guys playing well. To the Niners fans out there, you'll be fine.
The Niners will be fine. You don't have to play Jim Schwartz again until the Superbowl.
Well, you will be fine, but this is what we were talking about a couple of weeks ago. It's basically every game, you're just hoping you don't get injuries. Yeah, cause Christian McCaffrey got hurt and Debo got hurt and Trent Williams got banged up.
Like, you're just hoping you don't get injured.
Let me ask you this. If the Niners make the Superbowl and the Browns don't, is there anything against the rules to a team hiring Jim Schwartz as like a consultant just for the Superbowl?
If his team's not in the Superbowl, wouldn't he be a free agent? Probably, I guess, his contract.
I don't know what his contract is, maybe loan him out after the Browns.
For lateral moves, you couldn't. Yeah, you need to. You need to get Jim Schwartz. He's got, for some reason, Kyle Shanahan, the best play caller in the N.FL. Jim Schwartz got his fucking number, yeah.
Like, if it's the bills going up against the 49ers, if I'm the bills like, swap seventh round picks with the Browns. Just to get Jim Schwartz on your staff for those two weeks.
Yeah, I agree. why not? why not? Um, okay, uh, did I have anything else?
Oh, his first win, uh, Browns win against the team five and O or better. That's kind of a cool stat that is cool, uh, but also makes sense, cause it is the Browns.
Oh, I had one last thing. Kyle Shanahan, So the 49ers have been killing everyone, so we haven't had to have Kyle Shanahan late game coaching. Turns out he's still kind of dumb.
So the two moments he did, he did the opposites, he was aggressive and then he wasn't aggressive. So with three minutes left, uh, and it was, uh, they were up 17 16. They got the ball with three minutes left, it could have just run the ball run clock.
He passes it three times, three and out, has to punt it back for the Browns. Uh, and then when they're on their drive to win the game, uh. He has first and 10 at the 26 with a timeout in his pocket and about 50 seconds left. And he goes straight into Kneel down to kick the field goal. I'm not trying to get any closer, just insane.
Like, do you? You were aggressive in one moment and then you completely turtled in the other.
So if I were Kyle Shanahan, I would put myself into more close games in late game situations.
Just to simulate.
Just to simulate it, yeah, prepare for the playoffs.
I'd agree, Hank, are you okay?
Yeah, I'm just trying to watch this game, I'm blocked.
You're blocked, yeah, you keep moving your head and I'm like, What's going on?
Trying to see the time.
It's a minute left, so yeah, I don't know Kyle Shanahan leak games. I still he needs someone else.
You know what he needs? Kyle Shanahan needs to be in late game situations against Mike McCarthy. Then he's fine. Yeah, then he's fine.
But when he's coaching against a smart coach, he's like, Uh, I think he gets flashbacks, or just blow everyone out. bad flashbacks.
Blow everyone out. You don't have to worry about it. Uh, okay, take a quick break and then we'll get to some more games with our friends. At Coors Light. Coors Light is the official beer. Part of my take.
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The coldest beer in the world? Coors light, Uh, hank, do you do you bet the giants? No way your head's moving.
It's can you zoom in on his head, moving memes? He's just like you look like a cat going after a, uh, laser, laser.
Yeah, I'm looking at the TV, I can't see the clock.
So I'm just 28 seconds, yeah.
Giants could use the three points right now.
I like some Sunday night.
Yeah, from the first half, yeah, they absolutely could, they really could use those three points.
Very much unbelievable, great call.
Did Brian Dable have a party last night?
Uh, check and see if it's going to report on that.
I rod and No.
What memes love that?
No, we just zoomed in on, like Hank's eyeballs.
Yeah, he's going crazy, like it's unsettling.
All right, sorry.
Chill, No, I'm not like, I want you to be able to see it. well, I'll call it up the time for you.
Okay, thank you.
22 seconds.
Fourth in game.
This is weird. Oh, fourth in game.
Fourth in game.
Here we go. Match should always wear these uniforms, by the way.
They do look so much better.
And Rod?
Five down guy clock.
How much time 16..
Run it, run it.
13.
I hope they do, Hank.
11 Hank, 10 Nine Clock.
Two shots.
Two shots, Hank, two shots.
Two shots, no time.
Just just love football. Oh, you love football again. Yeah, I thought you said, What was the exact quote? I don't love football like that.
I don't like ball like that. Uh, okay, um, I guess we can watch this last play before we get well, let's let's just tee it up. The commanders are back. Commanders 24, Falcon 16..
Congrats PFT Soupy back on.
No, we won the mid-off today.
Okay.
This was a mid-off, you knew, it was a mid-off going into it, um, but we didn't have to win.
Your defense looks fixed.
Our defense looked okay, but we still. When we blitz, it turns out that we create a lot of pressure and we pressure the opposing quarterback into making mistakes. It was nice to see Del Rio do that a little bit. Um, the the Commanders are officially the streak breakers of the N.FL, streak breaking kings of the N.FL. Um, this was a 31 game home winning streak for Desmond Ritter that was snapped.
Today, it goes back actually even further than that. All the way until he was like a junior in high school first team to beat him at home. Uh, we beat the Ravens when they had their 24 game playoff streak. uh, not playoff preseason streak. we beat them, uh. Earlier this year, the Bears had a 14 game losing streak.
They broke that the commanders, broke that last week, and, uh, before this, the bears broke that the commanders broke the bears. Losing streak, yeah.
But we took that one.
Don't, anyways, slice it. It's all about perspective.
I cherish that win.
Yeah, you broke your own streak, you can say, but also the commander is out of bounds.
Okay.
Keep going, yup.
Uh, also. We broke the Eagles eight no streak last year, they were undefeated till we played them and then in 2020 the worst 11 and O team of all time. The Steelers. We broke that streak as well. Wow, the commanders just seem like streak breakers.
Yeah.
They are streak breakers.
Sam looked pretty good today now. Uh, Falcons fans, congratulations. You had, like, a decent offensive day. 402 yards. Washington had 193 yards. You guys had 43 minutes of possession.
The commanders had 17 minutes of possession and the commander still won the game. So we went ugly today.
Turns out, where you start the drives matters, because the commander's three touchdown drives were started from the Atlanta 11. Yeah, that was off the punt return, the Washington 48 and the Atlanta 27..
Yep, but that also is because your defense balled out and Desmond ritter.
Listen, we love our guy Arthur Smith. He's been doing great in the face department. Desmond Ritter was so bad today. he brought back Arthur Smith's chins.
Well, Arthur Smith is an all time reaction guy. Yeah, that's where I've noticed the mustache.
He did one with his like fist in his face.
He did a fist to the face, he punched himself in the face. He had, like, some genuinely shocked moments when Ritter threw an interception.
Well, the interception in the end zone was genuinely like, surprising.
It.
The only way that past made sense is if there was a pre snap penalty and they were whistling it off, yeah, and like that, you could see that happening. If there was not, it was just one of the worst interceptions we've ever seen, all right?
Here, let's play the game tie rod.
This is game tie rod for game.
No flag, flag, and the flag comes in Wow, wow, wow.
Wow, so they're going to have one untimed down at the one yard line, run it, run it.
Do it, big cat. You were talking about the defense looking better. I have a reason why the defense looked better, besides the blitzing manual. Forbes didn't play at all today first round pick, and he's been getting burned by everybody, so the the defense did look better.
This is like a sit-and-learn game for Emanuel Forbes. It's like, you're not ready yet. We're gonna see you back down to the minors for a game. I'm I am sick of seeing Ron Rivera on the sidelines, I'm sick of it.
I saw him nine times a little win, nine times today, he didn't say a word. Yeah, he's like Jim Caldwell, he doesn't, he has this look on his face, like, he's like, he's a dad on the front porch. And there's a party across the street. And he's trying to figure out if you should call 9-1-1 on him. I, it's.
It's infuriating to watch, and this is off of a win. Touchdown rod, incomplete pass, no flag, no flag, that.
That was smart by the defense because there was no way they were gonna flag it again. Yeah, no one circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills. Don't apologize for winning tie, I mean, tie God. Gutsy performance like the Giants. Yeah, that was a gutsy perform.
It would have been nice to have those three points.
It would have been very nice to have those three points. But the bills escape. That was an ugly, ugly Sunday night football game.
Yeah, good for the Giants. Yeah, the Giants in a rollover.
No, they played as tough as you can, and the bills looked. the bills are so weird because they'll just.
It's almost instant where you can see what a way Table is claiming something. What are you claiming, Brian Table?
The bills, it's, it's almost, I think I'm just gonna reserve. I'm gonna tell myself. I'm just gonna bet the bills live now from now on. Because you can almost tell right away. Oh wow, that was a big-time Pi, that was a lot of jersey. Oh yeah, you can put his hand up.
You can tell right away if the bills like, they have these games where they just look.
Almost like the whole team is concussed. The bills can't fix themself in the middle of a game, right? That's a problem. They sometimes they get off the bus and they're ready to go, and then other times they can't, they can't adjust to it. What stable gonna do?
He held one finger up, like, Wait, yeah, he's like, wait, wait, just wait, just a minute here.
Hold on, I would like to have a word with the manager. That was a lot of that energy coming out of table. Please let me talk to someone who's in charge. That was a lot of a lot of jersey.
Mm-hmm.
But big cat, have you? Have you ever been in a place where you're just sick of looking at your coach on the sidelines? Because that's where I'm at with Ron Rivera. Yeah, I don't know what he does during a game. Yeah, Maddie Bruce for the last, Maddie for the last year. pops. he hasn't done anything during a game.
He doesn't, he? I would like to see him yelling at somebody, I would like to see him cheering somebody on. I like him. See, see him getting in the refs face about something, and he just kind of stands there, stern.
He, just, like, looks like a father figure on the sidelines. Yes, I don't know what else he does. Yeah, it's, it's infuriating, and yeah.
I mean, I think the commanders kind of fix themselves for one game. We'll see what happens next week. I don't even know who they play, but the big story giants, okay, so that should be another fix-yourself game, should be. The big story out of this is the Atlanta Falcons are good enough to go to the playoffs with any quarterback not named as have.
You seen their schedule? It's easy. Yeah, it's very easy. Taylor Heineke wins today's game, The Falcons could legitimately still make the playoffs.
I'm not, I'm not writing the Falcons off. Well, yeah.
Sucks in the south lost, the south stinks, and.
Even their games that are against teams that aren't in the South are mostly winnable.
It was, it's so bad because he just it's not even the the interceptions were bad, but he also just missing guys. They had a timeout after a spike, which I don't know if that's the play calling come in.
But like their defense is good, they have a lot of really good skill, position players. Ritter. Just completely like you can't if you got a B-minus today, the Falcons win that game.
I think the timeout after the spike was because they were trying to draw offsides, okay, and they didn't get it. So they called a timeout, which is my second, least favorite timeout in the world. my least favorite timeout is the think it over timeout. We're gonna take a timeout here to think about whether or not we should go for it.
Yeah, and then they're not end of kick it and then you end up kicking it.
Yeah, that's the that's my least favorite. That is the worst timeout by far. But yeah, Desmond Ritter, I don't know. You got to change it, like when it wins their bye week.
I don't know Taylor Heineke wins that game today, Do you agree? Oh, yeah, 100 like, yeah.
Like it, Taylor Heineke would throw two interceptions for sure, but he would have gotten you the end zone. He'd also throw like two or three touchdown passes. Kyle Pitts was there today, Week 11 Kyle Pitts was alive today.
Yeah, that was good to see Kyle Pitts look good, Drake, Drake London looked pretty good, too, so they're doing some good things on offense. The running game wasn't, wasn't really cooking like it had been in the past, but still like.
Yeah, the Falcons are good enough.
They're good enough to make the playoffs, for sure, yeah, and they're wasting it with Desmond. Ritter got to fix that.
So I'm not thinking soup anymore, but I the officer in the conversation, yeah, absolutely, should be absolutely.
The the NFC is gonna be wide open, like they're to me right now in the NFC, it's Eagles, it's.
Eagles, Niners, Lions. This isn't any order. Lions fans. We'll get to you later. You, you are the best team in the NFC right now.
Seahawks, Cowboys, and then that that those last two spots, which one of them will be the NFC South, but like, the seventh spot is going to be wide open. Yep, there are a lot of teams that could, they could be in that conversation. Speaking of which next game? Vikings 19, Bears 13 I mean, the Bears think I don't know what to say.
Justin Fields took another step back, then got hurt. Vikings, I was looking at it, they might have saved their season today because they actually have. They play the Niners next week, which is gonna be a tough game. But they have a nice little like seven game stretch where they can win any of those games. And two and four is just such a different feeling than one and five. They can string together a couple games.
They're right back in that. Hey, maybe we make the playoffs. Seven seed. I still don't think the Vikings are very good. The Bears defense made them look average. I know Justin Jefferson changes everything and the Bears defense deserves a lot of credit.
But yeah, the Bears offense went back to same old ways. Justin Fields look lost, bad performance, Tyson Badgent Who? I know there's a lot of people who like, who the fuck is that? He's been the talk of the town since preseason because he made the roster.
He's from Shepherd University. Broke. Like all types of records in Division Two, there's no one who's more popular in Chicago than the backup quarterback. So like everyone knew who he was, he comes in. Fumble, fumble score, nice touchdown drive.
Interception. Yeah, that's the Tyson badging experience. So he's, uh, he's a gamer, I can just tell by, he's a gamer, yeah. And if you don't know what Shepherd University is, I grew up not too far from Shepherd University.
I had a lot of friends that went to Shepherd University, all of them went to Shepherd University after they failed out of West Virginia. So when you fail out of West Virginia, you stop at Shepherd. For like, six months. You do one semester and then you're like, Yeah, fuck, college, it's not really for me.
It's a halfway home that transitions you from West Virginia to the real world. Yes, and this guy is playing in NFL games and he actually, he didn't look bad when he was throwing those passes. Like, when he gets the ball out, it looks good, it looks nice, it's a ball out fast.
It's good to see, like Justin Fields, you watch his drop backs, long drop backs, it's again.
It's, uh, this was the game. The Vikings defense stinks. You expected hopefully to have the last two games carry over to this game. Justin Fields look good. And you know, yeah, he got injured, but he was bad before he got injured.
Yeah, he was, I'm a call it like, I see it. I'm still hoping I was. I was having this conversation the other day.
Like, it's not that I'm trying to to lewd myself into being like Justin Fields to say I see the flashes. And life would be so much easier. If he was just awesome. It would rock because you have again. We're six weeks were third of the way through the season.
The Bears currently are sitting with number one in the number to pick that that is official right now, it's the season today, they'd have the number one number to pick. If you had your franchise quarterback, that would be like the greatest spot a franchise ever been in.
So yeah, I'm a little bit willing it to try to be into existence. On. Today was another, it was another step back. Not good, especially if he's injured, he's out for a while.
Yeah, he had a dislocated thumb that he popped back into place himself, which I think that's. That's the one injury in the N.FL that happens pretty frequently that would make anybody else faint on the spot. I'm like, people dislocate their fingers and they pop them back into place and they keep playing in these games. And if I, if I dislocate my finger, I would actually pass out, I would just be standing going.
Ah, hospital, hospital, someone hospital. Yeah, I would go to the hospital and I would stay there for like three extra days. I'd be like, just make sure sure I walk. Yeah, yeah, I'm just gonna.
I'm not gonna touch anything.
So I would be afraid, are you? You dislocate your thumb, oh, your feet.
I'd be afraid to pick anything up, yeah, ever for the rest of my life. Oh, I would be bedridden, right? I can't, right? No, I.
Hold my phone in front of my face for me. Yeah, scared to scroll. I wouldn't eat my own food.
I'd be drinking smoothies, yeah, because that way I can just use a straw and suck all my food down. Yeah, it would be, it would be extra. The real credit to this win should go to Creed, the band Creed, because Kirk Cousins started listening to Creed with the team this week.
It was like their theme song because the Rangers listened to a lot of Creed. The baseball Rangers listen to Creed, so, so. Kirk Cousins brought out the big guns and they were blasting higher on the stereo before practices before today's game, and Cousins said they've got quite a catalog. We started with higher this week, we didn't want to overstep our bounds.
So just higher next week, maybe we can see what we can go to from there. Oh so, Creed might be the key to turning around the Vikings. Also Daniel Hunter, who's still very good, but mostly, mostly Scott's tab if they lose.
I don't know what they're gonna do if they lose the Niners, because they probably will lose the Niners, right? You would imagine. And then do you do you start trying to trade? I don't know, cuz Daniel Hunter is a guy who would get you some picks back.
Mm-hmm. And he's still very good at football.
So Cousins, apparently, is not getting traded, that's the word now. He doesn't want to pack up and move. But we'll see if the if the Vikings continue to. Just if they stink for the next four or five games. Then you'll be getting some calls like teams are gonna ask about again Kirk cousins on the Falcons, like they would be a playoff.
Can you imagine that? Wait? If they offered him like a massive extension, he'd have to say yes to that trade, right? Yeah, I don't think they would offer a massive extension anyway. Slice.
I think Kirk Cousins is gonna end up making over 300 million dollars.
Yeah, no, this is wild. He's, he's won at the game of football. Yeah, he has won at the game of football. Um, the good news is for the bears like the.
I went into today's game being like, Oh, if we win this game, Raiders next week, who knows, could be three and four. The minute that shit went south and Justin Fields got hurt and he looked like crap and they lost the game. Just flip right back to tank. Yeah, oh, that was great.
Yeah, well, it's. It's actually a really nice that that crossroads. This is probably the last week I could have done it because now I can't. I can't pretend that. Next week if they win, ooh, two and five, who knows what's gonna happen?
This was the final. Like where you can go into a game hoping to win and then when you lose. Saying to yourself, Actually, that's exactly what we wanted you, haha. It was all a bit, so it's nice it was.
It was the final game of that, which it's kind of nice to have that in your back pocket. It's fun football enjoying situation. When you can essentially suck so bad. They can be like, Ha, jokes on you. That was a bit, it's good.
Thank you for kicking my ass. Yeah, yeah.
If we wouldn't be like, bears are back, yeah, I can't believe you just lost to us.
It's a win-win. Yeah, can I give you something else for your little spank bank? Yeah, so Jim Harbaugh. This week he was asked about quarterbacks, what his best quarterbacks in college football are. He went out of his way to pay Caleb Williams a massive compliment.
He said Caleb Williams and J.J. McCarthy like MJ and Kobe to them. So he had to acknowledge his own guy, obviously, but then he threw in Caleb Williams. Name is Drake May LeBron. I don't know, I don't know, but you might get, you might have your crack at MJ. I want, I'm saying, like.
That's what I'm saying, yeah, like Harbaugh, I think it is in the back of Harbaugh's mind that if he wins a national championship, he wants to go back to the NFL. Because there's one thing about Harbaugh that has been driving him insane, yes, and that's the fact that he lost the Super Bowl to his brother. Yes, and that has to eat him up all the time. Like, yes, you know, every time he has a family gathering, he's like, this motherfucker.
He can't stand the fact that he hasn't won a Super Bowl and his brother has won over him. So he's thinking, he's definitely thinking about going back to the NFL. And you would think that he would want to go back to a team that might be in a position to draft Caleb. Mm-hmm, I like it.
I want it, just think about it, man, football.
I'm rooting for Michigan to win the national title for that reason. You should be, yeah.
Ibra Floos is now oh and eight against the NFC North.
He also, we the Bears have not won a home game in.
Almost 13 months. God bless Chicago, Amber, I bet they go to Bears games, God bless them.
Listen, the tailgates are fun if it's still nice weather. I mean, you will see, at the end of this season, there will not be many people. People will choose not to go in and the McCaskill be like, What the hell happened? Why? Why are people having pride in the bears?
But, you know, today was a nice day. They're fun time watch some NFL football right by the lake. But yeah, it's, uh, they take the McCaskill's take the fandom for granted.
They take the fact that there's loyalty to the bears for granted because the product is not good and it hasn't been good for a long.
Time Christmas Eve.
Cardinals that bear right like, I hope you should get a medal, like an army medal.
Yeah, you should be a five kick.
You should be eligible for USAA if you go to that game and sit through the entire thing.
It's wonder if we could organize, what if we organize? They're like a go fund me walkout, where it's like, if we did the go fund me. To then buy everyone's tickets to not attend. And then the next week, New Year's Eve, that will. Against the Falcons, that would be sick.
You should just send, because, like, if there was actually, like, let's say 5,000 people in the stands, that would be a huge story.
You know what it should be, you just do the go fund me and then make. Only Lori Lightfoot gets to attend the game. Yeah, that would be funny. Yeah, they'll retire her jersey.
Yeah, but it's bad, it's it's bad in Chicago right now, but it might get good, that's the thing.
It might get good real soon. First and second pick, first and second pick. I just wish Justin Fields was better because then you could trade the first and second pick for like.
3,000 picks. I should also mention that they're oh, and eight against the NFC North, after polls said We're gonna take the North and we're never gonna give it back. So hasn't really worked out going long shanks on him.
I did do a draft simulation where I traded the first and second pick, and I kept on trading them until I had literally every single pick. In. Like the 2029 draft. In the first round, it ruled, that is pretty cool, it was pretty awesome, I just wheeled and deal till I'd every single pick.
So maybe that's what they do. I. What fan base wouldn't be down for that? Having all rookies? If you had? If you had every single pick, an entire first round, that would be the coolest draft night ever.
Yeah.
Very interesting, yeah, you just want to pick a whole new team. If you were smart, you would then draft. Would you draft your quarterback at the end of the first round? yeah.
Oh yeah, yeah, oh yeah, like a 30-second overall pick. Oh yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it'd be really interesting to see how like that math would come into play. Yeah, to see where we stand with, like the rookie pay scale.
Well, what happened would be in reality, I would get every. I would work my ass off to get every first round pick in a draft, and then I would trade, I would start trading those picks. So then I had like half of every first round. Next year for like, ever, yeah, for like the next ten years.
Just I would become a draft merchant, I would just I would hoard all the picks and I would just be be holding on to them forever. Never actually using them. Mm-hmm, but just having them. Because you can always sell a draft pick, yeah, you can always sell hope.
It would be so funny watching teams do their draft prep for that game to or for that draft where, like, you know, the bears have every pick. But you have to be ready just in case you get the ninth pick overall, Yeah, just in case you get the twelfth pick overall, right? Nobody knows what's going on.
I put them in a big bag. Oh, the Viking, let them let them pick out. Like, you have to trade me. Next year's first rounder, and then you get to pick out a random draft pick. It could be the first, could be the ten.
Yeah, if you, that would not be a bad idea. If you made them give you, like, okay, we're gonna simulate this draft as if we're giving you the 16th overall pick. But here's we're playing deal or no deal, where you get to see which pick is actually in the suitcase, right? And it could be you might have gotten the first for the price of 16th, or you might have gotten the 32nd, right? That'd be fun.
Yeah, it would be a lot of fun.
Okay, speaking of draft picks, Dolphins 42, Panthers 21.
The Panthers don't have their first round draft pick. Also, the Panthers were up 14 nothing in this game. That was funny because the Dolphins are so good that they were down 14. Nothing. And they covered a two touchdown spread with somewhat ease.
I know that it became a 14-point game when Mike White threw a pick six. But the dolphins are they just? They essentially woke up today. The Panthers Bryce Young looks great. If I were the Panthers, I would have tried to find a way to forfeit after the first two drives.
I mean, like, let's. It can only go down from here. And it did because the Dolphins then went on five of their next six drives. They scored a touchdown, just absolutely fucked him up and that was basically the first two drives. For Bryce Young was the extent of his day looking good.
Yeah, if you're a Panthers fan, you can at least be like, Bryce Young. look pretty good at the start of this game. Yeah, that's all they need to see. It's like, Bryce doing Bryce things that you realize, Okay, maybe.
Maybe it was the right call.
They'll use the first overall pick on him like a total cowards move. But I wish you could do this. Okay, we've seen enough. We know we're not gonna win this game, let's just pack it up and go home. Yeah, cuz it could it. It did start looking bad.
Tyreek Hill had the best play ever, where he scored a touchdown. And then he ran through the end zone. And he got a dude's camera that was that was filming him, and then he did a video selfie of him taking a backflip in the end zone.
I'm pretty sure that pretty kid, his personal camera guy. I think so too. Yeah, because there's gonna be like, you'll see the Instagram highlight video, yeah.
Yeah, he was run.
No, I already saw the video, the videos. The guy was recording the entire play because he knew that Tyreek was gonna score a touchdown at some point. Then he'll found him in the back of the end zone. Was like, Okay, yeah, you're my guy, just let me get that phone real quick.
That's worth 15 yards. I bet you Mike McDaniels is gonna be like, you know what? Like? It hurt the team, but we're playing against the Panthers. That was worth it. Very cool.
Yes, Tyreek Hill.
Could we see the first 2,000 yard receiver? Well, he got it, he like, pulled a hammy today, right? But he came back in.
It was like the classic Tyreek Hill thing where the book came back in. The human body is not meant to run that fast, and so then the hamstring, the muscles just kind of rebel against him. And then he has to go take, he has to go hit the foam roller for a second. Yes, and come back in, but he is.
So the record is, night is.
1964 Megatron came very close to 2000. Obviously, they have another game, but Tyreek Hill right now has 814 yards through six games. He is averaging 135 yards a game and he's on pace for 2,300 yards. He can we say he's just the best receiver in the N.FL? I know that he might not be.
I know Justin Jefferson is incredible, I know what. Every time we do this conversation, there's there's different guys. JaMAr ChaSE Oh, there's a lot of really good receivers. Maybe I'll phrase it this way.
He is the hardest guy to game plan for, he's the heart, he's the biggest mismatch. Like, just in terms of speed, because it really is like watching a different sport when he's running.
Yeah, he is, I, would, I.
Might not be the best receiver in terms of catching the ball high, pointing the ball, catching in traffic. He is in, he's impossible to game plan for. When he's, when he's healthy, I would say he's the most dynamic playmaker.
Yeah, the NFL, you can't, you can, you can like players, safeties, 30, 40 yards deep and then the rest of your offense. It's gonna. The rest of your defense is gonna get shredded by like four other super fast guys.
But even when they're playing 30 yards deep, if you take one false step or one angle, that isn't exactly perfect.
He'll just run right by you. He's like a an incredibly fast gymnast. Yeah, that's kind of what he is, he's and you, there's nobody like him.
Justin Jefferson is like, he's incredible, but there are also a lot of other receivers out there that have that type of skill set. Just none as good as his is. Yeah, but with Tyreek Hill, it's like, nobody's as fast as him, nobody can change direction like he can.
Yeah, he's short, it'd be nice if he was like a little bit taller for some jump balls. That's the one thing that he doesn't really have. But he's just so good at adjusting to the ball, too. When he's running a deep route, that he doesn't need to be super tall to make these contested catches. And you see, a lot of the teams are playing.
Very far off the line of scrimmage and playing deep to two safeties deep. Because I think he leads the league in in cutting routes for catches, because that's really what what keeps happening is where the the whole defense is trying to keep Tyreek Hill in front of him. That he has all this space to just cut underneath the defense, catch the ball and then burn them.
He does all these plays. That that you see in like video games, where you're cutting across the middle and then you stop and you cut back across right and go all the way to the other side. He's probably the fastest guy in terms of not losing any speed when he makes a cut. Or if he's like reaching behind his own body to make a catch and then continuing to run, yeah, it's crazy.
It's like he's on a little golf cart. It's really nuts and the Dolphins offense is just out of this world. I know that it was the Panthers, but that's what good team should do is just kick the shit out of him. Do you see Steven Ross did? The waddle? kind of ruined the waddle? Oh, no.
Yeah, I liked it. Yeah, you should celebrate it.
Yeah, yeah, shitty. yeah, the billionaires do their own fucking celebration. Yeah, I'm not, I don't know. It's just like it does make it over. It's like when Adam Schefter did the Gritty.
Yeah, killed the gritty, and then he dressed up like Kirk, Oh yeah, which he looked great though, right? Yeah, Shepard looks, he looks strong, that was the best.
I did not like I thought it was. It was he and his wife. And they were doing the waddles, like, Alright, this might not be cool anymore. I mean, it's essentially like, if I did the waddle, people like, Ooh, that's bad.
When Frank the Tank does it, it looks awesome. Yeah, really good, really. fans in the stands, awesome. I don't know the owner not so much. Just like, Yeah, just like, Okay, I feel like now the joke is not as funny anymore.
I'd like to call attention to a great stat line that we got out of this game. Mike White. He was, oh, for one, with a pick six. Mm-hmm. That is a perfect game.
That is a perfect quarterback game, incredible. We had stat hole. Look it up here, and he found a list. There's only eight quarterbacks that have ever done that. Oh, for one with one pick six and no other attempted passes. The last one was killing Clemens back in 2007 for the New York Jets.
I love it, I love it. Thank you Mike Whiteford. That's just a nice little cherry on top of this game for the for the Dolphins, who are feeling pretty good about themselves because they've.
They're at 40, 498 yards per game right now. The second place team would be the Saints from 2011 with 467 yards per game. So this is this is like the best offense that we've ever seen. I would. I would love to see what would happen if they played the Browns. I want to see the best defense against the best offense. But right now you're pretty happy.
If you're, if you're a dolphins fan, it's like, Life Sundays are so good. If you're a dolphins fan, you're just like. I can't wait to see my team run unabetted through somebody's secondary for 60 minutes.
They just rack up points, oh, we're down. oh, we're down 10. Okay, just give us like three minutes.
Yeah.
Well, we have Tyreek Hill, so we're actually up 30, we have some awesome dolphins games coming up to.
Eagles, they play the Patriots and they play at home against the Chiefs, those are gonna be great. That's Germany, that's sure.
That's your morning game.
That ruins that. I was looking at these two coaches. Do you think that there's ever been a bigger gap in amount of weed smoked by two opposing head coaches in NFL history then?
Mike McDaniel and Frank Reich Yeah, I mean, McDaniel goes up against Belichick goes up against. I bet Belichick smoked weed before I. I don't. I actually don't think I.
I actually think the the gap between McDaniel and all the AFC East coaches not McDaniel is vast. McDermott is not McDermott's not a weed smoker, he might, as Allah is not a weed smoker. I bet, I bet McDermott in college.
He's like, You know, I experienced I experimented with marijuana in college. No, i, he, he.
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