#2127 - Eleanor Kerrigan
2024-03-28 02:04:13
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
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Hello, Eleanora.
Great to meet you. How are you? You really took that in.
What's going on? What's cracking, kid?
Nothing, I'm excited to be here.
Excited to have you. Woo-hoo! How's LA treating you?
LA's good. I mean, I'll be honest, I haven't been there a lot. After I filmed my special, I just, I mean, I'm on the road. so much. Right.
So, which is good. And then I get to go to Philly. In between, I hang out with my mom. So, I'll, in between gigs, I'll just hang out with my moms. Instead of going back to LA.
But I feel like I haven't been, yeah, I think I was there for five days last week.
Yeah, it becomes, when you do the road all the time, your house sort of just becomes some stop.
Yeah, but I have no responsibility whatsoever. Yeah. Like, I don't have a, I don't have a plant. I have nothing. Isn't that nice?
What a free, what a free existence you've carved out for yourself.
What an asshole.
So selfish. It's funny, because people think about it that way. Like, you have to have things you're responsible for. Sure. Otherwise, you're a bad person.
Yeah, I always tell my mom I'm leaving her what she would want it to do had she not had ten children.
Ten children.
Yeah, good times.
Isn't that crazy?
Keep it up, lady.
Ten kids is so bonkers.
Who does that?
How about on the ninth one? You're like, one more.
Her worst pregnancy.
The ninth one?
The ninth one, longest delivery. My little brother Bobby, she said that's how lazy he was. He wouldn't come out. He's so lazy.
She said he was hanging out for dear life. I'm like, why? And she said, because he's lazy.
It would be an interesting study to have ten kids and just to see, like, what makes them come out different. Right. Because they're a fucking, this is one thing, like, having children, seeing them from babies, you realize, like, oh, they're different. Right out of the box.
Yeah.
Like, it has zero to do with, like, what you tell them. This is what you should do. Like, a lot of them is just how they come from the factory.
Exactly. And you always think, like, I know, there's genetic stuff, like, you inherit stuff genetically, whatever. You know, I'm pretending, I know what I'm saying. Epigenetics. Yeah, but my, oh, that's good.
Yeah, I remember that. Anyway, I asked my mom to write this thing for me, like, what she was going through with each kid, just to see if I can get it, because we are all different, like, in the craziest way.
Oh, like, in her life.
Yeah, like, what was going on. And it is interesting, because when it gets to my brother, Charlie, like, she was going through stuff with my dad and physically her whole body. She was pregnant. Her kidneys were failing. And they had to literally move him to the side, you know, operate on her kidneys, take it out, whatever, before it, like, killed the baby.
Oh, my God.
And it was insane. Like, she tells the story. I'm like, oh, what? How? Right?
Why? And then she said they put it back, cleared her out. She was good. The kidneys didn't affect anything. And then they assumed Charlie was going to be stillborn.
So the nurse came in, and she was, like, real down. And the nurse goes, are you nervous? you're going to lose this child? And she's like, is this your first? And my mom goes, no, this is my sixth.
And she goes, you go right ahead and lose that baby.
Oh, my God. The nurse said that?
It's a different time. Oh, my God. Imagine if a nurse said that today. She'd be executed on the spot.
Humans were so different before social media.
Yeah, it was so cool.
What is that? Is it accountability? Is it that we're now influenced by so many different people? Is it, like, a lot of? it is just more bullshit?
Like, people can't just say what they really think. Handle the truth. Because they're just terrified. they're going to get attacked by so many people. So you bullshit more.
And that lady was telling the truth. Yeah, she was telling the truth. So that's all she did.
And she was, in a weird way, she was trying to encourage your mother to feel better. Like, hey, you've got six kids. You're going to be fine.
You're good. You can lose this one. She was just being serious. By the way, Charlie's in his 50s. He's fine.
He's just amazing. They didn't know a lot back then.
I don't know which one of your brothers I've met.
You've met Jimmy. I know that. And he tortures me. He's like, I want that car. Which car?
He's a car guy. The Bronco. Oh, my Bronco. He's like, I'll come. I'll take it.
I'll just take it. I'm like, oh, God. I remember this one night at the comedy store.
You're crazy.
I don't know if you'll remember this, because it was more like I was a nervous wreck. Jimmy was visiting. He installed computers all over the country. So he would come to L.A. a lot.
And he'd just pop in to the comedy store. And we'd be like, oh, shit. My brother's here. So we're hanging out. We were all hanging out like in the, what is it called?
Like the back.
Where the parking lot is?
Kind of. Right, right, right. So you're sitting on the ledge. And Don Barris was saying crazy shit to me. Right?
And in a way, Don does it. We love it. We love it. But I'm dying. And he's saying, like, horrible shit.
Right? But we're crying, laughing. And Jimmy was, like, just taking it in. Like, the fuck is this? And you looked at Don.
You looked at, Don.
And you go, Don, look at his calves. Rethink what you're saying. Because Jimmy has these ridiculous calves. And he's like Popeye.
And he was wearing shorts.
Yeah, of course. Jeans shorts. I'm positive. He's an idiot.
But I was like, Don, you're about to get smashed.
Yeah, he's like, dude, calm down. And you're like, Don. And it just made me laugh so hard. Like, every time I think of that. But Jimmy was in a lot.
Men who don't know or understand dangerous men are hilarious.
And Jimmy walks on his knuckles. He's got giant hands. Like, everybody always sees his hands, and they're like, oh, God.
But it's also from a different part of the world. Right. It's basically like picking a fight with a Russian. Like, Philadelphia dudes. That's true.
They're fucking different animals. Yeah, they're not.
They fight way more often. It's like Philly, Boston. There's like a few cities like that. Parts of New York, where you better shut the fuck up, man.
Yeah, just take it in.
They'll fucking hit you quick. A lot quicker than you think. Like, you're not going to have any room for talking your way out of this. You're going to get hit.
It's not going to help, Don Barris. I remember Don's face like, what?
I remember thinking like, oh, my God, what happens here?
Your brother's going to beat the fuck out of poor Don Barris.
And Don's just saying, you know.
But that was a thing, though. Don would do that to everybody. He would go on stage in the later spot, the last spot in the OR. And that show was done. It was done two hours ago.
And somehow or another, there's still people in the audience. So those people in the audience, they're the strangest of people. Like, some of them, are just ne'er-do-wells. Nothing's ever worked out for them. But then finally, at 1.30 a.m.
in Hollywood, on the Sunset Strip on Tuesday, they found their tribe. They found their tribe. And it's just them and a few other fucking stragglers and Don Barris. And Don Barris is telling you how big his dick is. And he's like.
. . And he's put his foot on the table and staring people in the eye. He's just doing. .
. He's developed this style to do, like, kind of anything to get laughter out of people that have seen everything.
You have to understand, for people that are listening, how the comedy store works. You get there. The show starts on a regular night. It starts at 8 o'clock. What is it?
What is it, potluck? What night does it start on, potluck?
Potluck's Monday. now. It was Sunday and Monday. Right. For a while.
It was Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, for a while. We were dying. Was it Tuesday, too? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When does potluck start?
I think it starts at 7.
Okay, so that might be Don Barris might go on at the end of all the comics. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who go on after the end of all the open micers. So there might be people that are on fucking all kinds of shit.
Oh, yeah.
Methadone, fucking Adderall.
How many drinks they had.
Their whole life's a mess. They've been texting their ex through the entire show and she's not texting back. These fucking lost, lost people. The dregs of society. And Don Barris would have them left over.
Yeah, and I've seen people like women walk out on their guys. Because they're just, Don's like, let me spit in your mouth. You know? What? I'm like, you want another rum and coke?
Like, I'm trying to sell drinks. It's so crazy.
He was just trying to, I mean, he essentially developed a style.
Oh, yeah. The king of late night. Yeah.
Well, he put on a show, right? Right. It wasn't just his stand-up. Like, he had a show.
Yeah.
Like, he really needed, he'll play music sometimes. Yeah. There was a lot going on. He was entertaining you, which is interesting. It's like he's an entertainer.
He's truly the freest of entertainers. Like, when I go up, I still get nervous. I don't know if you get nervous at all. Sure. You do?
Yes, sure. Because sometimes I feel like an idiot.
If you care about something, you're going to get nervous.
There you go. Yeah. That's what it is. And so I panic a little. But Don Barrett just doesn't, he just walks up like, hey, it's me.
Like, he. just, maybe it's from years of doing the warm-up as well.
I think that too. Yeah. I think it's a reps thing. Sure. How many reps do you put on stage?
Like, some of those guys in New York that were hosts, they would get better really quick. Yeah. Especially at their delivery. Because if you're hosting these nights in New York, where people are doing seven minutes, you're going on stage, you're interacting with the crowd over and over and over again. Yeah.
And you find a way to be yourself. It's like the inauthentic thing that a person does on stage. You feel it while you're doing it. The audience feels it. And they might laugh still.
But you know that you're not really. But then, when someone figures out how to be just them, for whatever reason, like Sebastian, he had to figure that out.
Sure. It took him a minute. But he did.
And when he figured it out, it was like instantaneous murdering. The best. It went from a guy trying to figure it out to, oh, I got it. Joey. Do you remember the early days of Joey?
Joey Diaz?
Yes.
Interesting.
Do you remember? I do. Joey used to bomb. Joey used to bomb.
It was crazy.
It didn't make any sense. He was the funniest guy in the parking lot. And then he would get tense when he would go on stage. And he wouldn't have a good set. It just wasn't him.
It was like more jokey joke. Like he was trying to be a comedian. He was trying to be some guy that's on late night television or something.
Maybe because I saw him in that light, the parking lot light. Or he would fuck with me if I was waiting tables. So it would make me laugh. So I didn't judge what he did on stage.
He was the funniest guy of all time talking to people. Oh, yeah.
You would scream.
If there's a few of us hanging around and Joey came over, all of a sudden, the life of the party was there. Everybody had a big smile on their face.
Joey's here.
And it would be fun. But it took him a while. And what it was was like getting his heart broken by deals that didn't happen. Agents that didn't follow through. Managers that fucked him up or fucked him over.
And then he eventually was like, fuck these people. Fuck these people. And he just brought that energy on stage. Like he thought it was over. He thought, I don't have a career.
I'm probably going back to prison. I just got out of prison. Like when I met Joey, he was not out of prison very long.
No. I mean, yeah. When did he come to LA? 96?? 97??
Somewhere around that, yeah. I know I was on news radio. Because Joey would come visit me on the set. And they would be like, who's this fucking criminal that's eating all the shrimp? Leave him alone.
He would go in the VIP. Because the VIPs had their own separate green room. Yeah. And they actually could watch the performance from the green room, I think. It was one of the sets.
So anyway, they had really good food. Because it was like network executives. So they had shrimp cocktail.
When Hollywood was alive.
You got Joey Diaz, this fucking savage. And he was, Joey was like Billy, a football player. back then, too. Joey wasn't like big belly Joey. Joey was like 235, 240 pounds, jacked, big Cuban dude.
He was kind of street, kind of sketchy, a little scary. You know, like high energy, 35-year-old Joey. And so they were like, who the fuck is this guy?
That's so funny. That's a great image, though.
It just took, something happened to Joey. It was right around the time where he got big, too. Where his belly got big. It's just like he didn't give a fuck about anything anymore. And he figured out a way to just be that guy who.
he was in the parking lot on stage. And he did it like that. He did it like that. Theo Vaughn did it like that.
Theo Vaughn, I remember that.
Did it like that.
Now I remember his break. For sure.
In the beginning, it was like, God, this guy's funny, but it's so weird. The act is weird. He seems awkward, but interesting.
He was trying to please too many people or something. Or trying to be something he wasn't. And then, once he started being himself, unbelievable.
It was just finding that authenticity. And that's exactly what we're talking about with these hosts in New York. When they do all these sets. If you can get a job hosting, I know it doesn't pay anything. And you're committed to it all night long.
If you're a comic, you can definitely make more money on the road.
Sure.
But there's something to that in terms of training sessions. First of all, you have to start the show, which is death.
The worst. Death.
I always tell those guys at the mothership, for the first five minutes, you're doing a job.
Yep, a real job.
A real job. For the first five minutes, you're massaging people's feet. You're like fucking washing hair.
I'm going to think of it that way forever.
You're fucking polishing people's nails. You're doing a job. Are you good? It's not as simple as you just doing your act. You've got to get the audience hypnotized.
Yeah.
You've got to get them hypnotized to laugh.
When I open for Dice, that's how it is. It's a cold. You just go out there. Sometimes people are like, are you going to introduce yourself? I'm like, what kind of assholes?
Callan was at the Irvine Improv once, and I opened for him just for fun.
Oh, that's awesome.
Just a cold open. It's hard. It was fun. It was a good time. It was fun.
But it was like, whoa, we're jumping right into this. It's a little easier because they were happy to see me. Right. But if it was not that sort of situation, and you're unknown, and you're not the person that people came to see, they're like, all right, what do we got here? And if you're a chick.
Oh, forget it.
I've always said this, and I think this needs to be recognized. Women are limited in the way the audience is willing to perceive them right off the bat. You have to break through boundaries in order for them to take you even remotely serious. You start off, if a man starts off at zero, a woman goes on stage, she starts off at negative three minimum.
Immediately.
Immediately. If a guy sees a girl go on stage, how many guys like your brother? Always. Yeah. If he sees a girl walk on stage, they're like.
With Dice, they look at me when I come out, they're like, is this a sacrifice?
Who's this? But now they know me.
But once you're proven, they're like, oh, okay. Cool. But it's a harder gig.
Absolutely.
It's a harder gig for a woman, and then women have these two other boundaries. If you talk about sex, then people think you're a slut, and they disrespect you, right? Or you can talk about how men suck. You can talk about a few things. You can't talk about politics.
You start talking about politics to a bunch of men, like, shut the fuck up. I got opinions too. They'll just start yelling at you.
Bullshit.
That's fucking Russia collusion in the steel dossier. They'll start yelling at you, like, facts and things. You can't talk politics.
It goes back to the 50s. Why are you speaking? What is wrong with you?
If you're a guy, you can do political humor. There's not a lot of female political satirists.
I'm trying to think. Yeah, yeah, not a lot.
Think of all the Mort Sauls and the Lenny Bruce's. It goes back to the 60s. How many women would you put in the political satirist category? Right.
I mean, now Roseanne.
Roseanne. But Roseanne was kind of forced into that. They forced her into that. True.
Yeah, I guess. I mean, it's not, well, it's political in that we talk about abortion and stuff like that.
I shouldn't say she was forced into that because that was one of the issues that they had with her when she was on that show was that she loved Trump.
Right. She got fired for it. She got fired for her opinion.
She got fired because she was ambient up.
Oh, right, right.
She made some tweets about the lady from the government that looks like the lady from the Planet of the Apes.
Yeah.
Yeah, and she didn't know that that lady was black. She thought that lady was Jewish. And she talks about it on stage. She's like, I thought that bitch was Jewish. And if you look at her, you get it.
Yeah. Like, she's very light-skinned and she has straight hair. And, you know, unfortunately, the joke that she was making, the only reason why she could make that joke is because it kind of works. Right. Like, you know.
It's pretty accurate.
Right, but it's not. She was just an old lady who has mental health issues, who's on Ambien and a host of other drugs. And people wanted to ruin her life for something she didn't even fucking remember doing.
That's the crazy part.
They dope people up with all kinds of wild shit. And then they make you responsible for what you did when you were on that wild shit? That seems so crazy.
Ambien's the fucking scariest to me.
Kevin James made a turkey. I think it was a turkey. He made a meal. On Ambien. And then woke up in the morning, saw the plate of food.
He's like, what the fuck? He thought. someone broke into his house and cooked. He didn't remember anything.
I was living with Dice when he was on Ambien. It was brutal. He would move the car in the middle of the night. In the middle of the night. We thought it got stolen one time.
And here he parked it in front of somebody's driveway. So they towed it. But he moved the fucking car. I'm like, dude. He would wake me up as these characters.
Listen, it's enough to live with Dice. I don't need extra characters. He'd wake you up as characters. He would. He would do this black guy.
I forgot his name. He would do this military guy. It was always, hey, wake up. And I'm like, ah. My father's back.
What? Crazy.
So funny.
Oh, yeah. He was so funny. He would do some crazy shit. So I believe, Kevin doing that. Andrew would eat wild stuff.
Oh, yeah. People do that. These people have been in shootouts with the cops.
He got off it. Thank God. Is Kevin off it? I hope.
I do not know.
Wasn't there someone who drove to his in-laws house and killed them with a crowbar? Oh, Jesus. Something crazy. Some guy did something crazy on Ambien.
That's Ambien and anger mixed together.
The thing is, you could take a person who's not that smart and maybe has a real problem with their in-laws. Right. Maybe the father and him have even gone to blows. That shit happens. Sure.
You get a picnic. Too many Bud Lights. Next thing, you know, dudes are duking it out. Here's Sleepwalker, acquitted of murdering mother-in-law after 15-mile drive. Wow.
What? What the fuck, dude? Look how we're so ghetto. We can't even look through the L.A. Times.
They're nickel and diming everybody. You have to pay for everything.
Toronto, a man was acquitted of murdering.
. Oh, it's Canada.
It's Canada.
It's Toronto. They live in Narnia up there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A man was acquitted of murdering his mother-in-law after saying he was sleepwalking when he drove 15 miles to her house and hit her with an iron bar and repeatedly stabbed her. Ontario Supreme Court deliberated nine hours before finding Kenneth Park's nearby Pickering not guilty on Thursday.
What about Ambien? More. They try to hit you again.
Is that what he was drinking? Joke-Co? Whatever that is?
Does it say Ambien or does it say just sleepwalking? It just said sleepwalking, right? Oh. Because he's in a sleep state.
There is a.
. My nephew's, a sleepwalker.
But was this guy on Ambien? Does it have anything to do with Ambien or is it a different story? Well, that's what I typed in and that's what popped up. Let me see if... Yeah, there was something about a guy...
That's so crazy, though.
who drove.
. Maybe I fucked the story up. It seems like that's pretty similar. That's so similar, it seems like I might have fucked the story up. But also, this happened in 1987, so I don't...
Was Ambien even around then?
Oh, wow.
No, this is not that story, then. It's definitely a more recent story. Yeah, 87.. Yeah, because this is a story while I was a growed-ass man living in Los Angeles, if I remember. I don't remember what...
I thought it happened in America. No, it might have been Canada. Canada is silly. They are silly. It's like if you let your cousin, who's like 17,, run the house while you go out of town for a week, and then you come back home and you're like, what the fuck are you doing?
What? That's Canada. What? Oh, shit. Local cases involving a man who shot at five people test Ambien defense in court.
That's a recent one, huh? That's 2023..
Oh, shit.
So what is this guy trying to say? He shot at five people while he was on Ambien.
Oh, wow.
He said, no memory of the shooting, two random cars in the middle of the night four years ago. He's probably telling the truth. And I know Roseanne is telling the truth. I know she's telling the truth.
Yeah.
She was on Ambien and she was smoking weed. I don't know if she was drinking alcohol, but listen, Roseanne likes to party.
But also you get like-.
She likes to party.
She's drinking and doing it. That's a real dangerous combo.
And look, everybody should understand this, because you kind of know, but you really need to know. And I talked to – there's one of the reasons why I had Roseanne on my podcast. right after she got in trouble. I wanted everybody to know what I know. Roseanne got hit by a car when she was 15 years old and she spent nine months in a mental health institute when she was a child.
She couldn't count. after that. She had straight A's in math. After that, she couldn't do math.
Wow.
She was fucked up. And that wild impulsiveness led to an amazing career as a stand-up comedian that probably came at least somewhat. Some part of it came, obviously came out of her creativity and her performance and her work, ethic and all the good things that are-. She's funny. She's awesome.
But that wildness is part of that injury. And that wildness exists in football players. Sure. It exists in former fighters. It exists in – there's a lot of people that are running around out there that have brain injuries.
And if you get someone a brain injury and then you dope them up with Ambien and then marijuana and then who knows what the fuck. You're taking, ketamine and wrecking –.
Fox News.
She's just mainlining Fox News. She's just fucking Tower 7. Tower 7.. She's just taking it.
You have a device that you can tell everybody what you're feeling in that moment. That's crazy.
And you're, you know, it's like you're trying to get responses out of people. See what the people think. It's almost like testing an audience for some people. And if they don't understand how to manage it psychologically, how many comics have we seen? just get addicted to being on Twitter all day?
Get out of there, man. You're losing your life in that box.
It's insane.
It's insane.
I don't know how people do it.
It's so bad for you.
I'm a little addicted to TikTok.
Yeah, TikTok.
Is this an intervention? No, it's not.
I'm just kidding. But I think – I wonder if TikTok is – I wonder if it's better for you to just scroll at videos of things. Things happening that are nonsense.
Sometimes there's news, but –.
But maybe that's better. Because that doesn't like – I don't have TikTok, but I have Instagram. And Instagram does not make me feel the way that Twitter makes me feel. Twitter makes me feel like I'm watching a fight between cats. Like it's a cat fight in a house.
It's like –.
I just want to get the fuck out of here. I don't want to be a part of this.
Yeah.
And it's also like a very poor – it's a very clearly poor management of time and resources. If you're using your time and resources to argue constantly on Twitter, your life has to be a mess. It has to. It has to be a mess. It's impossible for you to only be disciplined in this area, where you contain yourself in this area.
The rest of your life, though, everything's locked down. You don't have any problems. But when you go after Twitter, it doesn't affect you. It doesn't affect the rest of your life. Bullshit.
Bullshit.
You're fighting with the invisible man, but that stuff is out there forever.
It's out there forever, and it's also just – it's 100 percent proof that you are engaging in a foolish waste of your resources. 100 percent, undeniable proof.
Dice would have been in as much trouble as Roseanne if Twitter was – it might have been a thing, but he probably didn't know how to use it. No, because it's been 20 years. How long has Twitter been out?
He'd been in so many controversies. But I'm saying with Ambien. People expect it from Dice, though.
Maybe, yeah.
Roseanne was like America's blue-collar sweetheart for the longest time when she was on TV.
Yeah.
Right? She was beloved. And then she grabbed her pussy.
I was going to say, she did some shit. The national anthem.
Who knows what she was on back then?
Right, right, right, right.
Listen, this lady – they've been medicating this lady left and right her whole life. I agree. And she's always like, I don't know if they got the formula right. this time. Let's move it around a little.
She's still working it. She's still working it. And listen. She's so good.
She's got a lot of money, and I'm sure those doctors –.
God bless her.
I'm sure those doctors are helping out. But they were telling her at one point in time that they were threatening her royalties if she kept talking about things.
How is that possible? It's her show.
Yeah, but they can do things. They can pull deals. See, like, if you're not making any money anymore but you own a piece of a television show – and also we're dealing with – it's 2024.. I'm not in the TV business anymore, but I kind of know how it works. In 2024, I don't know how many people are buying old sitcoms.
I'm sure, like, Netflix and streaming sites. maybe they could use – but if they just decide, you know, hey, we don't want Roseanne on the platform. Like, there's shows you can't get. Like, 90s sitcoms, you can't find Grace Under Fire. Try finding that show.
No, and I love that. I loved her, I should say. She used to work at the store. Yeah. She was wild, but she was funny.
I think towards the end of her tenure there, she might have fucking lost the plot.
She got – I remember her showing up. She was crazy.
I heard she's got a little nuts. And she had substance problems. But she was so fucking funny.
Yeah, you could tell.
She was a very funny comic, too, back in the day.
She would call and ask me to do her, like, bizarro favors at the store. Favors? Yeah, like just to see if certain comics were there.
She would have, like, crushes on certain comics. So she's like, hey, so call me if they come in. I'm like, alright. But I was like, are you coming in? Because you're, like, hilarious.
You're one of the ones I laugh at. So are you coming in?
That's hilarious.
But then she just stopped coming. But I think she did have some – Yeah. But there's a thing called TV Land, which goes way back, I believe. Because I have, like, nieces and nephews that are like, Jeremy T, I love Lucy. I'm like, yeah, and reruns.
And they're like, it's my favorite show. But they watch it now on, like, TV Land.
Is TV Land –
I think it's a channel. Or it could be on an app. I don't know. I can't keep up with the kids.
Maybe it's both. I think, the most –.
I still have cable. It's my own house. It's very expensive.
Most things have to be both. now. Like, you, can't just be a channel anymore.
Yeah. I think you're right.
If you're just a channel –.
Or they've merged with the apps. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, my nieces watch the oldest shows. And, you know, I don't see, like, nobody comes up and says, like, The Bunker.
What's that called?
Archie, All in the Family.
All in the Family. That's my favorite. But people don't say that one to me. So I wonder if that's available.
It's definitely available because people send me little videos, like Instagram videos of Archie Bunker.
You see the clips on TikTok.
Yeah. You see them on TikTok. I don't use that Chinese spyware.
Okay. I will get out of it.
I prefer my spyware to be American.
Oh, yeah. Good. Good for you.
I want people in this country sneaking around in my data and finding out what I'm researching.
I'm so lonely. I want them all to know where I'm at at every moment. China, everyone. Does India have an app?
Let's go. Bring it on, bitches.
Yeah, it's just weird. It's TikTok. But my nieces were like, You have to get on TikTok. So I did, but I stink at it. I don't know how to excel at it.
I do watch the videos, though.
Well, you got to be trans, first of all.
Hey. Can you?
Can you at least fake it?
No, it's not fair. I wanted to transition when I was a kid, and my mom wouldn't let me. I begged. I begged. I think I was like seven or eight.
I wanted to be a male bodybuilder. Really? And my mom was like-.
Imagine if that was around today and you lived in Santa Monica.
Oh, I would be halfway somewhere, at least, if I was a kid now. Yeah. I'd have one nut, maybe. Camping pit. We'll see.
But I'm saying like, I begged. I told my mom I took a picture out of a male bodybuilder's magazine. Wow. I ripped it out, and I was like, This is what I want. And my mom was like, The guy?
I was like, No, I want to be a male bodybuilder. I didn't know transition. I just said I want to be a boy. Oh, wow. And she was so mad because she had four boys in a row, and she begged for a little girl.
And then I came out, and I'm like, What's up, motherfucker?
How much that you, What's up, motherfuckers, was affected by the fact that you have all those brothers?
Sure. Just surrounded. I didn't know any difference. It has to be, right? Yeah, of course.
Because my little sister, Edie, she's not girly by any means, but she's not as butchy as I was. But she still played the sports and stuff and fought, whatever. But we were just surrounded. The two of us, if we had dolls, they'd rip their heads off. So I'd be like, Oh, cool.
It looks better. And then we'd color it in and just do dumb shit. So I don't remember girly stuff. I know my mom would beg me to do it or wear a dress. And then I played rumble fumble in my communion dress.
She was pissed.
Well, just the amount of boy behavior, and you're trying to fit in, and you're the youngest.
Yeah. Well, not the youngest.
Well, at the time.
Yeah. And then I remember this boy saying to me, because I liked boys, but I was very boy-type.
How many older brothers do you have?
I have five older brothers. Yeah.
So when you were born, you're born into a home with five boys.
Surrounded. Yeah.
Crazy people. So that's the early developmental time where you're kind of like forming your view of the world.
Yeah.
You have no evidence that girls are even real. Right. For years. For years.
My sisters didn't talk to me.
Why am I not like these?
I had to share a room with my sisters, and my mom put this big canopy bed in there, and it was a little tiny row home. And the middle room is like a glorified closet. And so she put this canopy bed in there. You could barely open the door. And then, when I slept in there, I wet the bed for a long time, so they kicked me out.
Oh, my God. So I had to sleep in my brother's room. So there were seven of us in the front room. I don't know why I'm pointing like it's over there, but you know what I'm saying? Yeah.
So now I'm in the room with that, and that's all I know. That's it. So I'm doing everything they do. I'm playing football. I'm outside with a helmet.
What? Is she slow? No. She's got a game. And you know what I mean?
Yeah. I was joking on the – I did the Are You Garbage podcast with those guys. They're so funny. And I remembered a story because they were asking questions, and I remembered when I would play handball or stickball, I'd take my shirt off and tuck it in the back of my pants. And spit and everything.
Like, no shirt. And my mother's song, Jesus Christ. But I was eight or something. I don't know. But I didn't care.
I was like, that's what they do.
Isn't it funny that a woman's nipples mean something?
Why? Yeah. Just because there's –.
It's funny. I mean it's so odd because even a woman that has the smallest of breasts, her nipples are – You can see them. Yeah. Like, it literally is the same form as a young boy. Like, if you have a 13-year-old boy and a very thin woman who has no breasts, they're very similar.
Yeah.
But one of them, when you realize it's a woman, you're like, isn't that crazy? It is weird. It is. You're essentially literally looking at the same organ, the same part of the body.
Same exact thing.
It's not like you're looking at a vagina or a dick.
Yeah, those are significantly different.
You're just looking at nipples. It's weird. Female nipples. make you go –.
Because there's a slight drop behind it? I don't know.
Have you seen the hack? these hoes have found how to do on Instagram? What? They breastfeed fake babies. I don't even – You can breastfeed.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Time out. What are you saying?
They got a rubber baby and these hotties are pulling out giant melons. What the – They shake them in front of the audience and squeeze them, and then they stuff them in the face of a fake baby. And this one girl, she's got her other tit out too. Like, fuck it. What if he gets hungry on the other side?
So she's got both tits out. That's a fake baby? Fake tits too. Big, giant-ass, fake tits and fake baby. And you're allowed to do it because you're allowed to show breastfeeding for educational purposes.
Oh. This is how I'm going to get more followers. You just gave me the insight.
These hoes are scandalous. They know.
Check out my new TikTok.
They know. Wow. I don't know if it's a TikTok thing. I bet it'll probably get you kicked off TikTok. There.
Here they go.
Oh, look at the baby. Look at this. Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
Look at this. That fake baby and the big-ass fake tits.
There's a lot of fake things on there. What a filter, by the way. By the way.
This one's not a lot of attention, but –.
That's the one I'd watch with the football – like an idiot.
There's quite a few of these going around.
Wow. Yeah.
Glad you knew about that. The most obvious – that's a shitty, fake baby. It is.
That's a dead baby. That's a doll. People are right. Your baby's dead. No, but people – Your milk is poisonous, lady.
There's some people that get really good fake babies.
Wow. Okay.
You have to look at the baby real close. I think that's a rubber baby.
So they're just getting away with showing their tits. Showing their tits. Got it. Yes. Okay.
Okay.
I think, essentially, it's an ad for OnlyFans.
I was going to say, yeah. Oh, that's –, oh, God. Yeah. So that's somebody's fetish.
Yeah. Well, it's just the fact that they get to show their tit. I don't even think it's someone's fetish. It's probably definitely someone's fetish. I mean, let's be clear.
Someone – there's – out of all the freaks in the world, some guy's out there jerking off to women breastfeeding, for sure. But it's not that. It's just an opportunity to show your tits.
Oh, absolutely. Yeah. But now my boobs are starting to grow. I don't know why. How?
Late in life. I don't know. What? I don't know if it's hormonal. I don't know.
But for years, like, nothing. And now, all of a sudden, I'm like, this doesn't fit. What's happened? So I'm going to start – Yeah. These guys just came in.
I didn't even know I was a girl.
So – Let them go. Free the nipple.
Free the nipple.
Isn't that a thing in New York City, where they're, like, illegally arguing that women? –
Oh, I've seen the protest.
They should be able to walk around topless, because men can walk around topless.
Yeah. I saw a protest in Asheville one time. And I was having lunch with Karl LeBow. We were doing a festival down there. And it was packed.
Like, and it was – we were both, like – I'm not gay, but watching them flap while you're – I was like, oh, wow. That's what they're supposed to look like? And then Karl's just on the floor, like, holy shit. I'm going to move here.
Isn't it interesting that that's controversial? That, like, there's laws that will tell you – So, look, if there's laws about a man exposing himself in public, that makes sense. Because that's, like, a public health danger. And it's danger because the vast majority of, like, sexual predators, especially for, like, younger people, are men. Right?
So a guy with his dick out in public is, like, a public safety hazard.
Yeah.
A woman with her tits out is really – no one's scared.
But it's because of the predators, probably. Right. They're trying to keep them off.
That's my point. That's my point. It's, like, it's the only time where a law is in – where you don't have any fear whatsoever about that person harming someone with their body. But yet you make their body a crime.
Right.
They could probably even arrest you for public nudity, indecent exposure. But meanwhile, I could walk right next to that lady with my shirt off, and there's no problems at all.
But didn't – before, I think, the men got the right to take their shirt off. It wasn't until, like, the 50s or 40s. For a long time, they weren't allowed to either. Is that real? I believe so.
That's hilarious. Yeah. So what'd they do on construction sites? Would they just arrest everybody?
What do you mean? They can't be shirtless at a construction site. That's their job. You can't be shirtless. They only were shirtless when they were having lunch, maybe, but –.
Have you ever worked at construction sites? Are you out of your fucking mind?
Wait a minute.
Are you talking crazy?
I'm seeing them in the vest and the shirt.
Maybe today.
Because I'd sit there and watch for a long time if that was true. Maybe today in the major cities.
Yeah. If we were working outside – like, I did mostly construction jobs when I was in high school.
Okay.
So my stepfather was an architect, so I got a lot of jobs on building sites. And so I'd just get jobs as a laborer. It was a good job to get, because you could always get them, and it's hard work. You would be outside topless constantly. Ninety-one, court let stand law bearing topless men.
Supreme Court Monday. let stand a local ordinance prohibiting – this is in Washington – prohibiting males from jogging topless or otherwise appearing in public without wearing shirts. The court refused to review the constitutionality of a statute from the village of Southampton, New York, making it illegal for anyone to appear on a public street shirtless. That's a very specific area. So that's like – this is Southampton, New York.
It's what they're talking about.
I know when I lived in Boston, when we were working the summer, we always had shirts off.
You get a great chance. I can see it as a roofer, of course, like things like that. But, like, I don't know. I'm just picturing, maybe people –.
It's fucking hot.
Of course. It's crazy hot.
You're carrying lumber, and the building that you're building has no ventilation. It has nothing. It's just frames. Yeah. You're basically helping carpenters frame things.
In my head, I'm seeing them, like, right now with the vest on. But maybe that's just my fantasy.
Don't worry. The summertime no-shirt is easy. Oh, yeah. The hard one is wintertime no-heat. Yeah.
Because I had wintertime no-heat gigs. Whoa, those are rough.
Yeah, that's tough, especially in Boston.
Yeah, I had some of those right after I graduated from high school. They were a wake-up call. Yeah, yeah. It was like, hey, fuckface, you better figure out what you want to do with your life, or this is going to be you forever. This is it.
Being in the winter with numb feet, moving shit around on a construction site.
Fingers being frozen. I hate that.
We would have, like, a little public portable heater that we would all gather around to eat lunch. So you'd all stand around this blowtorch while you're eating lunch.
Oh, my God, so dangerous but amazing.
It wasn't really a blowtorch. It's like, you ever seen one of those? Like, they have them on sets sometimes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're hot.
When Chappelle and I did Fear Factor, I did Fear Factor on the Chappelle show, so I came in and Tyrone Biggums was on Fear Factor.
Hey, Joe Rogan, I remember.
They filmed that in the dead of winter in New York, in this warehouse, this space, whatever they were filming at, and they had one of them heaters. So they would have them on set, sometimes. Got it. It's like this big tube.
Yeah, I vaguely remember.
And it gets hot as fuck. You basically can cook a grilled cheese sandwich in front of it. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, they're very dangerous. Yeah.
So we would gather around in front of one of those fucking things.
And just be like, blub, blub, blub, blub.
Just freezing our dicks off and then go right back out there. You got to carry in the cement, carry in the lumber.
That was your motivation.
Well, it was just a wake-up call. You don't want to be doing no hard labor, son.
Yeah.
But the point is, like, we could have no shirts on and walk around. No one cared. But if we were a bunch of gals framing rooftops with our tits out, all the local hens.
Yeah. That's why girls now, they'll just wear a bra.
They didn't want to wear a bra. They just wanted to let their tits out, like a guy does. All the local hens. Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub. Put your tits on, you dirty bitch.
You fucking dirty bitch. My husband's looking at your dirty tits.
Sometimes, like, I'll see, like, on Melrose and stuff, you see them walking around. And they have, like, these short shorts. One time, me and Andrew were, like, just at Starbucks hanging out on Melrose in L.A. And these kids were walking by. I mean, they were kids.
And he, just, like, turned away. And I go, what happened? And it was a girl. Like, her entire ass was out. The shorts were all the way out.
And he just turned away like, that's a baby. I'm not looking at that. Yeah. I know. I know.
But that's what they do. I don't know if it's a teenage thing.
Yeah. Well, I mean, I think that's, again, there's always been girls that dress like that. Or close to that, right? You can go way back to the 80s.
I tried. I wore cute little hot pants in the 80s. Yeah. I used to wear a bustier. Because I started clubbing, like, when I was 14..
Oh, my God, Eleanor. What a fucking background. Hey. Perfect background to be a comic.
True. Well, once that, this is what happened, with the boy, like, me wanting to be a boy. I liked boys. And this one really good-looking kid that played football, he was, and I'm, like, standing there. I remember, like, I'm wearing shoulder pads.
Idiot. And he goes, are you ever going to be a girl? And I was, like, oh. And then I asked another guy friend, I go, how come so-and-so doesn't like me? And they're, like, because he thinks you could beat him up.
Like, nobody's attracted to the girl who may or may not be able to knock him out. Right. So, I stopped. And I was, like, oh. And then boys started to like me.
And I was, like, oh.
You had to learn a new pattern of behavior. Yes.
Right. But I still am, like, watch it.
Like, when guys start wearing cologne.
Right.
Like, oh, God. I'm going to clean up. I stink.
I still am, like, not so grateful to be a woman. Like, it bothers me a lot. Does it? Because I still have that in me. That's hilarious.
Like, it would be so much easier to just be a dude.
Do you think they could have talked you into being trans if you were, like, 12?
Absolutely. 100%. Isn't that crazy? And I'm good friends with Dylan Mulvaney. We did a pilot together.
That's hilarious. Dylan was not trans when I met them.
How do you say it?
I don't know. Be careful.
You're going to get in trouble.
She knows I love her. So, I can't say anything wrong.
So, you knew her when she was a he? Right.
And we had the best time. But meeting her. when I did, I was, like, oh, she's more woman than I ever was. Ever will be. Like, I know I have the parts.
Even with a dick.
I'm telling you, more girly than.
. I mean, girly, girly. And my best friend growing up was like that.
You're a very kind person. You're a very kind person. And I just want to introduce this thought into your mind.
Uh-oh.
People are performative occasionally. Well, absolutely. And sometimes, when people want you to think of them in one way or another, they will behave that way. And people can keep that up for...
I didn't know them from anybody. We just met.
Right.
So, you're saying she was performing.
Well, I think deciding that you're a woman and then performing like a woman is a thing that we can all do. I see what you're saying. And if you met me, Eleanor, if you met me, and you're like, oh, my God, Joe Rogan is a woman.
Like, thinks like a woman, behaves like a woman, has off this.
He's all feminine.
Woman energy, like so sweet, so amazing. It's performative. I see what you're saying. Like, you're a biological man.
Well, you don't think you could be.
And there's a lot of social value in being trans today. There's a lot of...
Oh, I agree with you on that.
You get attention for having nothing interesting about you. Other than the fact that you're a boy who wants to be a girl. Right. That's it. And that is like a crazy low barrier to entry to be a part of a protected class and to be celebrated.
For people that will never be celebrated.
But you don't believe people can be born and have like mixed up things?
I do. Okay, good. I believe both things. I believe both things. Okay.
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