#2161 - Tony Hinchcliffe
2024-06-05 02:44:18
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
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I'd so like to be the king of the world. Tony Hicks, bro.
I got to talk some shit.
You're killing it, man. It's exciting. It's an exciting time for you. Yeah, I hope you're enjoying it.
Oh, I'm having a blast.
Is it weird? does it feel weird?
Kind of because I wasn't expecting a big moment or a different boom, a different outside thing, because I'm just content here, chilling. I had my kill, Tony stuff and all of our stuff, but yeah, it's awesome.
It's so interesting to watch. It was funny that Brian Simpson said that he was with you at the store and he said, he goes. I watched Tony Hinchcliffe become real famous in real time. Yeah, like you could see, like with the first show. When you're warming up, getting ready for the roast, then after the roast, people just going crazy.
Yeah, it was weird. I got bumped by another comedian my first night at the store and then I was the special guest super treat the rest of the week. Like, it was like I was the secret weapon kind of, so I was unbumpable.
Well, you should be bumped anyway. Bumping is horseshit. Yeah, bumping is a thing that was around the store back in the old days. And they should have got rid of it a long time ago. You know, it's one thing.
If, like some superstar, Dave Chappelle-type Chris Rock character wants to pop in Louis C.
K.
's in town and they want to do 15 minutes, you know, that's all great. But what used to happen at the store is you would get these comedians. That were just doing it for an ego flex. They were just doing it because they wanted to be able to bump other folks on the roster. And then they would do like a fucking 45-minute set and ruin the timeline of the show. Everybody's supposed to do 15 minutes, there's like fucking 16 people on the show.
It's a long-ass show how many people are on.
16.
Is it 16? I don't know if it still is, it might be 14 or 12 or something. It's a lot of fucking people, man.
It's crazy that some people will sit there from Show Open, they will sit there from 8 p..m and they will be there until 2 a.m. I've seen it.
Oh yeah, I've seen it many a times.
Some people are just like, especially those tourists, comedy tourists, yeah, they'd come there from Australia and Ireland and shit.
Yeah, they don't want to miss anything.
We're getting a lot of those at the mothership, man, there's a lot of people from other countries, they're telling me they're flying in for this.
All the time.
It's wild, they come in, they do like a weekend, then they go do kill Tony, and then they'll do like one of our shows.
Mm-hmm.
It's fucking crazy, yeah.
I always ask now during the commercial break, where I get to talk directly to the kill Tony audience. And I ask, how many of you live in Austin, Texas? Make some noise, how many of you flew in just for this? And it's always a bigger pop.
Isn't that wild? Yeah, it's like the city's become like a vacation destination for stand-up, mm-hmm.
For the arts, I think I think you can come here and listen to live music the best and live comedy. Yeah, and get to see a lot of fucking freaks.
Yeah, it's just fucking, what a time we're in, man.
Yeah.
Boy did we get lucky.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, we just keep getting lucky, dude.
Having Shane here is a death blow to the other cities. Took him out on his first boat trip on Sunday and we drank, of course.
If you're with Shane, you're drinking. did you drink bud lights or did you drink real alcohol?
I drank whiskey, cokes, he drank bud lights. We always fucking meet.
Yeah, that dude can put them away. Do not fuck around with Shane Gillis, Oh my god.
We had so much fun. He's the best cracking up man listening to Drake on the River.
That's awesome, he's the best. Yeah, it's so nice having him here, and it's so nice having Joey here all the time now.
Joey's coming again in a week.
Unbelievable.
Yeah, I was just with him in New Jersey. Yeah, he was so hilarious, he was so hilarious at the fights.
He was out of his mind.
That's what I was telling Lewis. Even the few people that we really want that haven't moved here are coming here all the time. Like it's a Vegas residency or something like that.
Yeah, Theo was there too at the fights and he's coming in July, yeah, we'll do more stuff with him too, yeah.
We're lucky. Shit, dude. I say it all the time, but it's almost like the universe wanted this to happen this way. It just seems like every light just turned green right when we got up to it.
Unbelievable.
It didn't make sense. This isn't going to work green light, this isn't going to work green light.
Hey, this might work. Green light. Oh shit, it's happening, green light.
It's wild, yeah, and it's a special fucking place, man. Yeah, I love this city with all my heart.
I never thought I would leave L.A. And then when the shit hit the fan and riots and governments, and you realize taxes are absolutely insane for what we were getting. And I feel more at home here than I ever did there, and I was there for almost 20 years. But when the plane's landing and you look out the right side and you see downtown Austin instead of downtown L.A. it feels more like, Ooh, yeah.
It's a better place for comedy, too. In terms of you don't have the traffic. It's not a grind. It's the middle of the country, so if you want to travel to other cities, it's easy to get to. The club situation is amazing, there's so many clubs.
There's Cab City, there's creek in the cave, there's the vulcan, there's a sunset strip, there's the mothership.
There's what else, the black rabbit, the black rabbit, there are vita rooms.
Shakespeare's.
It's crazy, it's crazy. It's an amazing situation, yeah, and you realize you don't have to live like that.
You don't have to be stuck in this crazy city of insane traffic and crime, right?
I can see five comedy clubs from my windows and where I live, and I don't even think anybody in New York has that. I don't think you can look down and see five comedy clubs from where you're at at any given point.
Look, New York has more clubs and more people, and New York's awesome. It's not a contest, right? It's not a contest. It's like that whole.
New York is the best, I don't know if you like it, it's the best whatever's great for you, right?
But this is a crazy place right now, and L.A. used to be crazy and now LA's just a fucking steaming pile. It's on fire, it's just fucked. Speaking of fire. Did you see this guy? You know what that is?
Uh-uh in Mexico. Oh, we need to google this too, because Mexico has a new president, and I heard that 30-plus presidential candidates were assassinated.
Oh.
That might be just a TikTok meme, so I have to find out, so let's find out in real time. But the sky? the reason why the sky's so cloudy looking, that's smoke from wildfires in Mexico. Oh, wow.
Yeah, they did a controlled burn, and they whoops. Oh boy, they whoopsied whoops, let's look.
37.
Excuse me. Claudia Scheinbaum was elected the country's first female president after a bloody election campaign that saw 37 candidates assassinated. And that's our neighbor, we live next to a fucking crack house.
That's on fire.
A crack house on fire, run by a Jew.
A lady, first lady. More than three dozen candidates were assassinated, including a local government candidate in central Puebla state, who was killed on Friday, increasing the total number of those killed at 37. Who the fuck would want to run for office in Mexico, dude? That is so crazy, that is so crazy.
And look how few people look. 20,000 positions to fill, and 70,000 candidates. If you have 20,000 positions in America, how many candidates do you have? Probably a lot more because nobody's getting assassinated. That would be one way to start feeding the herd.
Yeah.
Taking them out.
I mean, how far away? I mean, it sounds crazy, right? This is Mexico, it's not America. How far away are we from? Like, seeing another JFK type situation.
Man.
I mean, Jesus fuck could be close. Seems like there's a candidate that the government really doesn't want.
Yeah, there's one guy, what's his name? Yeah, one guy who went to the UFC this weekend and got, like, a 30-second standing ovation. Yep.
Almost as big as Dave in Ohio, but not quite, right, not quite.
They're changing the tone on this. I mean, like, you know, they're doing it. They want to try to make him look like a bad guy, but people just aren't stupid anymore. I mean, there's obviously still like half the country doesn't get it.
Yo, so many rappers, so many rappers are showing support for Trump now. It's crazy because now he's got a felony.
Right?
I mean, like, now they realize also he's getting trapped by the system, just like everybody's been rapping about, right? Being trapped by this system, this bullshit system. And you watch it happen with him.
Exactly, yeah, I was just talking about this. It's like, I don't think they were counting on the Black voter being like, Hey, they just fucked that guy. That's what they do to us.
Yeah, that's what they do to everybody, and they pretend they're there for you while they're letting in immigrants. And you know what, man, here's the problem, here's the real problem.
Republicans won't be the solution either, kids. The problem is people in a position of power, the Republicans seem like they are your solution. But it's just because the people in power right now are the Democrats. Whenever the Democrats are out and the Republicans are in, everybody is dying for a Democrat. I remember when Bush was president after the second term, everybody was like, Good Lord, can we get a fucking reasonable Democrat in here before this country goes Christian, nationalist and fucking goes crazy and starts every war?
Yeah.
And then Obama comes in like, Oh, things are going to be great, but it kind of seems like kind of the same. And the whistleblower protection that he promised, eh, actually, probably one of the worst on whistleblowers ever. Drone strikes, eh? camera shitload of drone strikes, yeah.
The whole thing was bonkers. It's just the same structure with a different face. It's Bill Hicks joke, Bill Hicks joke about. I think the puppet on the left is to my liking. why more in line with the puppet on the right?
Hey, there's one guy and he's holding both puppets.
That's what we're dealing with, we're dealing with money, we're dealing with money and power. And if you think that, that's where a person like a Trump character does make a difference, though. Because he truly does not give a fuck. And especially now, after all they've done to him all the things he survived.
This guy was beloved, beloved until he's about 70 years old. Yeah, and that's when he starts running for president. Actually, he was a little bit mocked before that while Obama was in office, because he was one of those people that was a birther, yeah.
You know, he was a. I'm one of those people that I don't give a fuck. Where you were born, as long as you're not actually an undercover terrorist, you know if you're like, clearly like a regular person that just happened to be born in Nigeria or happened to be born in Saudi Arabia. But now you're here, you went to school here, you got friends here.
You got family here, you love it here, America's the shit, you can be president.
Like, I don't really think that you have to be born on a certain patch of dirt to run it. That seems like Viking shit, it seems like that seems so old. Yeah, it seems so dumb.
What about the 35 thing? Is that the age?
Yeah, that's a good age. Up until I was 50, I was retarded. So I don't think. I don't think. I don't think that's a bad thing. I think 35 is good just for humans. I think you need, you need a certain amount of life experience.
You need a certain amount of trials and tribulations, character testers, a lot of education, a certain amount of like changing your perspective on the world, because we all do that. As a young man, I was very liberal, super, super liberal, you know, I mean, I just anything the Democrats believed, I believed, never interested in anything the Republicans had to say. All they wanted to do was like, shove God down your throat and stop abortions.
Totally, that's what I was.
No, I was so with, I mean, 100 with you on that.
That's brainwashing, too, right?
I was super liberal until I got my first paycheck in the state of California, and then everything started changing. Yeah.
People get rich, they get Republican real quick. Yeah, yeah, but not. There's a lot of really rich people that are Democrats, which is interesting because they got so much money, they can vote Democrat.
They got so much money they don't even try to protect it. California is considering a 30 cents per gallon tax on the miles, or 30 cents per mile. Because so many people have electric cars, so the gas tax is losing money, and they want everybody to have electric car. By 30 35 or 20 30, 30 35..
I'm actually being realistic, 20 20, 20 35 is crazy. There's like not enough, there's not, we don't have enough stuff, we can't build all those cars.
Like, what are you gonna do with all the cars that are gas? You know how many cars there are? There's more cars than there are people, there's more cars here than there are people.
Oh, that makes sense.
Oh yeah, well, a lot more. Well, first of all, there's people like me that have a bunch of them. They throw it off, you know, that throws off the divorce thing, too.
You know, people say, you know, 60 of all marriage is in a divorce, right? But a lot of those are people that just get divorced. A gang of times. They go all Jennifer Lopez on the deal and just like, I'm in forever, fuck you.
Yeah, you new person, I'm in forever, fuck you.
She might have another one on her hands.
Yeah, it looks like she's going down again.
Yeah, Ben, something was up with him at that roast, he bombed, Oh my goodness.
You can't bomb if you're married to Jennifer Lopez. Mm-mm. You can't strike out, you can't bomb, you can't fall when you're walking up a flight of stairs. Or No pussy.
Right, this is just how it works. Yeah, you want the Viking Queen? Alpha female? yeah.
If you want to.
Yeah.
That's what you get, man. She's still that way and she's like, What 51? She's crazy hot, crazy hot at 51..
Yeah, Ben was a deer in headlights, he hung in there, he hung in there, he tried his best.
But yeah, he stood out on that roast.
Maybe it'll be over, I mean, maybe their turbulence, maybe they'll get through it this time, maybe they don't want to do it again. Because they were together 20 years ago. You just got to figure out how to be who you are when you really like each other, remember in the beginning.
Isn't that fun? You appreciated each other? Figure out how to recapture that because that's still the same person. People get sick of each other. You ever get sick of a guy you work with and you quit the job and you're like, I fucking miss that dude.
You know, they become part of your little community.
That's why I keep working with Red Ben.
I love that dude, he's a character. there's only one of those dudes you see his new tattoo.
Yeah, he showed everybody by the end of the night. I was going around going, Hey, did you see red Ben's new tattoo? Did you see red? because he was just showing everyone wasted last night?
We had another banger of an episode. It's a miracle that I'm awake right now.
Who was the guest?
It was Luis J. Gomez and Sal Volcano.
Oh, nice, Sal was on the podcast last week. He's great.
It was great.
He's a good dude, man, he's fun, real, fucking, super nice guy.
Yep, the bucket was the story that we get some great new comedians out. A new Golden Ticket winner as of last night.
I haven't seen Luis do stand up, I haven't seen him in a while. I heard he's killing it, I heard he's doing really well. Duncan saw him at the creek and he said, Dude, he was so funny.
He was really laughing hard, he goes, I was really impressed.
He had to do it, it was great.
I can't remember who was headlining this weekend, but he was doing a clean set because he's doing a special.
It was Mike, Mike, vechione.
That's right, he's doing a clean hour because I don't know why.
Why is Mike doing a clean hour? yeah.
He asked Luis to be clean.
Me and Matt were in the green room. We're like, Wait, Luis is up and he's supposed to be clean, let's see what he's doing. The first thing we hear is like, Nice balls, you shithead or something like that. We were dying.
Luis is not going to be clean.
Right?
First of all, you shouldn't ask a guy to be clean, you can't ask a guy to, especially a guy who literally is on a show called Legion of Skanks.
Yeah, yeah.
He has a festival of a year called Skank Fest. Yeah, Skank Fest. You can't ask him to be clean. Also, Vechione is so fucking funny.
It doesn't matter what goes, Bombs could go off before his set and he'll go up there and kill. It's not going to affect. People will fall into your rhythm. They're grownups.
But we used to think back in the day that clean people couldn't follow dirty people. That was always the thought. I think that's a dumb thought. Like Jim Gaffigan can follow anybody, it does not matter.
He gets into his rhythm and then he does his thing and he puts you in his mind and then you're off to the races. Like Brian Regan, same deal, that whole thing about clean or dirty, who fucking cares?
Sebastian Another great example. Who cares? Just be funny, he's just funny, Oh yeah.
If Sebastian started talking about getting his dick sucked, it would be funny, too, yeah.
It's just funny.
That would be fun. A dirty Sebastian special.
Yeah, if apocalypse breaks out and this is a few, Sebastian starts doing roids. Now he's got a gun.
Carries a gun on his hip. If we go like, full mad Max, Yeah, that's happening in Mexico. Kids. 37 candidates assassinated.
That is basically the doorway to mad Max.
That's crazy.
37 candidates assassinated.
Imagine if that was happening in America? Well, what's scary is like, What is that lady?
The question becomes, what's the winner going to do that the other 37 weren't going to do?
I'll tell you what you're not going to do, you're not going to be a rebel. Rebels don't live.
Right?
That country is run by money, just like this country is run by money. But instead of the military industrial complex, it's the supplying Americans with drugs.
Yeah.
That's what it is, that complex, it's not the military industrial complex and the pharmaceutical drug companies they run this, it's just money.
It's the same thing. And in Mexico, they make their own laws because everything is illegal. And so they are running things with selling us drugs. And until we make drugs legal, which nobody wants to do, that's going to continue to happen because you're not going to stop people from wanting to do drugs.
And you're not going to stop people from selling them drugs, you're not going to, especially if they're from another country, especially if they're running that country and they've been doing it so long.
They've amassed so much resources and money, they have tanks, they have anti-aircraft weaponry, they have everything, man, they have fucking hundreds of billions of dollars.
Like, who knows how much money they have, right? Have you added up all the cartels in Mexico?
Well, I bet the Jewish president knows exactly how much money they have, I bet she knows, I bet she knows.
I bet she knows, I bet they know where she sleeps, and I bet she follows the rules. I guess you have to like, if you want to be president of Mexico, that is a totally different proposition.
They Kennedy 37 people a year.
Oh my god.
They're so crazy.
Unbelievable how close we are to them.
Yeah, you could walk there. yeah, you could walk there, like Cam Haines has run like longer distances in races.
Especially if you're down in South Texas. My friend, who lives in South Texas, had a guy die on his property. Oh wow, yeah, probably dehydrated or sick or something, and he just couldn't make it and he was in the heat.
I only went to Mexico once we were in San Diego and we drove down and the first thing I saw was a dead body leaning against the rock. That's split, that says, this side's America, this side's Mexico. Yeah, and we were high as shit.
So like, we were immediately like, was he going back? did he drown? No, he was just dead, he was just a dead old Mexican guy.
Oh, like, old age dead.
Well, probably dehydrated. I mean, it could have been anything, who knows, I have no idea.
You know, a doctor?
No, he was arms crossed, with a thing over his head, Oh, Jesus, and um....
So they had him, like, laid there, arms crossed.
He was literally laid there next to the rock, like a corpse.
Maybe somebody didn't have money for a funeral, like, Hey, grandpa's been real. Take care, love ya. Let somebody figure this out.
Yeah.
You know how much money a fucking funeral costs? That's the thing Joey Diaz hit me to. He goes, You know what a fucking scam is these fucking mortuary homes and the funeral homes and all that shit? You have to do it.
You have to do it, even if someone wants to be cremated. You have to embalm them, so you have to pay for that, and then you have to pay for a coffin.
And then they try to upsell you. Don't you want a cadillac of a coffin? For grampy? Grampy always liked red velvet. He was the king dress, Grampy up in his nicest suit and a red velvet.
And it costs you $40,000 for the whole thing. You're like, What am I doing?
My buddies pulled a big Lebowski. We had a comedian that we all started with, named Skeezy, and he passed away.
And nobody in his family wanted to claim the ashes. So Benji and Matt Edgar were like, Well, we'll put him somewhere. He loved Venice Beach. Let's take him to the beach, so Benji goes to the Venice Beach Mortuary or whatever. Picks up the urn.
They go to the ocean and Matt's kind of watching Benji, and he goes like waist high in the water. And he dumps out Skeezy's ashes. And it all just starts to compile.
All around, Benji, and Matt's laughing and Benji's cracking up, and as he gets out, the ashes are following him.
So they're all over his body, so he had to go shower in one of those Venice Beach public showers to get the ashes off him.
From what I heard, someone told, Who are they talking to? There was some podcast they were talking about, I kind of wish I could remember so I could give them credit, but there was some podcast where they were talking about. What you're really getting when you get Grampy's ashes, he's like, you're getting ashes just sitting in the bottom of this furnace.
It's not necessarily your grandpa. They don't like. Clean it out perfectly. No one's watching, no one gives a shit. Also, what it really looks like when they burn someone, when they burn the body.
You have like fragments of bone and shit. There's a lot. See if you can find images of what it looks like when they actually cremate someone. But the guy was like, you're not getting ashes. Not only that, sometimes they just throw other stuff in there.
Like cement, you get cement, they don't give a fuck. It's symbolic, it's just a dumb thing we do.
What you're supposed to do is let that body feed life. We're so stingy we don't even let our bodies feed life. So that's what it really looks like, look, what it looks like.
Bones and chips and shit.
Ew.
Theo had a mortician on before.
Oh, maybe it was Theo, did he say that?
I don't know specifically, I was trying to look.
I bet that's exactly what it is.
Now I'm thinking about it. I don't know it could have been anybody. Either way. There was someone was saying that a lot of the stuff you're getting in there is disreputable. I'm not saying all of them, of course.
Some of them, I'm sure you're grampy, but of the disreputable ones, they don't give a fuck. They'll throw fucking kitty litter in there here, go worship the kitty litter.
You fucking idiot, they don't care, they're just doing this in and out and in and out. And here's the other thing. Do you know how many guys wind up fucking the female corpses?
No.
Do you know that this has been an issue? Uh-uh, no. My friend claims that when he was young, that they went to a funeral home and that the guy came to, like, they were ringing the doorbell, the guy wouldn't come.
They're knocking on the door, it was like for someone in their family that was dead. And the guy was in the back and came out, he was sweaty and out of breath, and they were like, What the fuck is this guy doing?
He was acting super fucking sketchy and really weird.
They think he was back there with one of the corpses.
Oh.
Yeah, he goes, he just felt like he just fucked somebody, I go, really, he goes. When you think about it, it's like these women are hot and they haven't deteriorated.
And no one's around.
Oh, come on.
Yes.
There's rigor mortis and stuff, it's hard.
Are you sure?
Yeah, it's got to be, it's got to be like.
Reported cases of employees sexually abusing dead bodies are relatively rare. Yeah, if they get caught. Prastl's prolific necrophiliac. Do you remember the one that the Bit Kennison had? uh-uh?
Oh my God. It was how I found out about Kennison. I found out about it through a girl I worked with. This girl I worked with reenacted Kennison's bit. About homosexual necrophiliacs paying money to morticians to spend a few hours undisturbed with their freshest male corpse.
So Kennison, like, Did this bit you ever see the bit? uh-uh oh, it's a fucking classic, dude, it's a classic.
See if you can find the bit.
Play it and then we'll just edit it out fucking YouTube.
Yeah, they're tricky, man. We got to fucking play the game.
Listen, they're awesome, they're awesome. They have the best platform, I mean, it's the most accessible, it's so easy to share.
The sharing thing is huge because you don't really share Netflix movies and stuff. I tell people here it is.
Wow.
What a bit, yeah. So this girl that I worked with this was at the Boston Athletic Club. She got down in the parking lot and she was lying on her stomach. She was like, Oh, oh, I mean, life keeps fucking the ass even after you're dead.
It never ends. She's like, doing that, and I'm howling, laughing at her, doing an impression of Kennison. That's how I found out about Sam Kennison. Wow, yeah.
Fucking amazing.
That was before I was even thinking about doing comedy, I was 19. Wow, yeah.
I was like, Wow, that's crazy. What is he doing?
Yeah.
I was just like, what? I remember watching him for the first time, going, Oh, that's comedy, too. Like, I always loved comedy. I always used to watch the Tonight show, like when Richard Jenny would be on or Seinfeld would be on, I loved the Tonight show.
I loved stand-up like evening at the improv, like when I was, like, I wasn't even 21. I went to see Jerry Seinfeld with his girls dating. We're just sitting there, like, Wow, seeing comedy, but I always thought comedy was that.
It was like the TV comedy, you know, and then there was Richard Pryor, and then there was Eddie Murphy. But I never thought like, sick shit could be funny. Until I saw Kennison, I was like, Oh my god, yeah.
Like, that's a different thing. I didn't know that was comedy, too.
Right, No, I'm with you. I was a Jim Carrey guy. And you know, when I was young, the funny faces and all the silly noises and stuff and everything. And then when he did, Man on the Moon, and I saw that darker side of things.
And Andy gets fired from the improv right at the beginning of the movie. And I realized right then that he was making money, performing in front of live audiences. And I'm like, what the fuck is that? That's great? So there's like a lower level before the Tonight show and stuff.
Right, and I started going to libraries and stuff to look up books on Andy Kaufman. I would look up Andy Kaufman and find any book that mentioned him. I went down this crazy dark rabbit hole.
I used to go to Jerry's Deli all the time. That place was awesome. It was a great place because it was 24 hours. You could always go there after shows. And they had a photo of Andy Kaufman on the wall.
So it's Andy Kaufman when he worked there, so Andy Kaufman, while he was on taxi, took a job at Jerry's Deli. Just to wait tables, yeah, just to like, be weird, yeah.
Those people would be getting their fucking tables cleaned up and they're like, Wait, what are you? The is that Latka? or whatever his name was? Yeah.
What was his name?
Latka gravis.
Yeah.
And that's back when, look at him, yeah.
He was fucking working there while he was on taxi.
Yeah, back when there's only three channels, so there's not a ton of famous people.
Exactly, yeah, boy, you had to hang out with famous people back then because nobody understood, nobody got you.
Yeah.
You know, Jesus Christ, imagine a famous person like a John Belushi back then.
Crazy, too much pressure.
Well, the shows, the amount of people who would watch those shows, too. He used to bus tables at a restaurant. At the height of his fame on the television show Taxi, Kaufman would stay in character as a humble busboy, always denying that he was Kaufman.
Oh, Jerry's went under the studio, City One went under too. Oh God, they closed them all.
Are they all done? Yeah, God damn it.
Yeah, we were stuck on to Norm's when I was there a few weeks ago.
How's Norm's?
It does. If you're hungry enough to go to Norm's at 3 or 4 a.m, then it's just fine.
My favorite is Cantor's, Yeah, Cantor's, Cantor's is the shit that is the quintessential Jewish deli, yeah.
Like their Reuben, their pastrami reuben off the charts, yeah.
Off the charts.
They have the best pastrami in the city. Yeah, as far as I've had, like, Jerry's was really good, Cantor's is one level above it.
Totally one level. You feel the cholesterol like right in your veins. Yeah, it's just the sauerkraut and the fucking Russian dressing and the rye bread.
Come on, come on.
I've been eating like such shit lately that spaghetti and meatballs from Boa here fucked me up dude spaghetti with wagyu meatballs.
Oh, you've been going to that a lot.
I've had it twice since then and it's like, I have to stop because it's literally like heroin. I feel like shit afterwards, I feel like shit the next day.
It's like, crazy, I don't know what the hell they have in that fucking pasta. It must be 1,000 percent like Heisenberg-level gluten, because it is addictive and makes you feel terrible. But it makes you so happy for the six minutes that it takes me to eat the entire dish.
And then you feel terrible for 30 hours.
Yes.
Yes.
It's the closest thing I'd imagine to heroin that there is. Of course, there's probably a bunch of people on heroin.
But isn't that similar to getting drunk? You know? If you drink a little bit, you feel great while it's happening. And the next day, like, I'm never doing that again.
Yeah, I do that all the time, I did that last night.
Yeah, it's the same thing I ate with Joey Friday night in New Jersey. Went to his spot. Il Nido. There is nothing like east coast Italian food, it is a different thing.
100 percent.
It's a different level, it's a different level that Il Nido place I would fly in to go to that place. Oh, look at that, that was charred clams on this fucking insane toasted bread.
That was spicy Rigatoni dude, it was off the charts, that's the meatballs off the charts.
Yeah, a whole different level.
The steak was perfect, everything's perfect. That's bone marrow with potato puffs, dude, it was so good. And that's, um, what is that?
What's that called the thin sliced beef? what the fuck is it called? No ceviche? no?
No carbaccio.
My crew, we did Cleveland, and then a night in Pittsburgh and Youngstown's Dead in between the two. So we stopped off in Youngstown for lunch and got two different types of pizza from two different places. And everyone's minds are completely blown because you cannot get pizza like that anywhere.
You could try to find something in Chicago, but that's Chicago, and New York's New York, there's not that middle, not deep dish.
Not thin crust, but in Youngstown, there's 20 places, unlike any place anywhere else.
So it's like a hybrid of deep dish.
It's just a normal old fucking, like lunch, school, lunch, pizza, but different types. Bellary is famous for their Briar Hill, which is, you know, just plain, with shaker cheese and some green peppers. Which is diabolical. Because if the sauce is good and the bread is good and the cheese is good, you don't need anything else. It's like a simple...
Yeah, well, that's what Portnoy always gets. He always gets a plain cheese pizza. you watch his reviews of cheese pizza places.
Sometimes, yeah, I love the ones where the people get mad and shit.
Yeah, if it doesn't meet up to his standards, I mean, the guy's eating everybody's pizza, like, you gotta know what the fuck you're doing. But he says that New Haven, Connecticut, is like where some of the best pizza in the world comes from.
That makes sense. I could see that a lot of those offshoot Italian spots where they hit away, like Youngstown, like that, I guarantee Pittsburgh has decent....
You know what they have in common HM mob activity?
Oh, exactly.
New Haven has a lot of mob activity.
100%.
I used to work at the Joker's Wild, it's a place in New Haven. And the owner was a crazy convict. Yeah, just out of his mind, and I saw the owner beat a guy in the face with his shoe.
Took his shoe off and beat a guy in the face with the heel of his shoe.
Oh yeah.
He had blood all over him. Oh, it was a fucking disaster.
Those people need pizza.
They figure out how to get the good pizza. Yeah, yeah, it's funny how that's the case, though. If you have a serious Italian neighborhood, you probably got a little bit of mafia influence in there.
Totally, I mean, that's all they know. You gotta bet on things, you gotta run things, get a tax here, tax there, protect them.
Imagine owing money to a bookie. How terrifying that would be.
Yeah.
You're on the run, you owe $100,000 to this guy, and you're trying to gamble on other games to make it right.
Yeah.
Like, Uncut gems. Oh yeah, that movie gives me so much anxiety. you watch that movie, you're like, don't? Oh, Jesus Christ.
What are you doing? I'm fucking....
Dude, I watched the show. that gave me more anxiety than any show I've ever watched in my entire fucking life. What baby reindeer.
Oh, I've heard it's insane.
It's the scariest thing ever, it's the scariest show ever. This guy's nice to one person who he doesn't really want to be nice to. Gives her a water or a tea or whatever, and she falls in love with him, and it is the scariest show. I think it's supposed to be a comedy, I don't think I laughed once.
The comedy part's not funny, he's also trying to be a comedian. None of it's funny at all, but it's literally you're watching for the anxiety. I started it and then I'm like, I don't want to watch, but I have to.
And I just kept going and it's fucking frightening.
Have you seen the actual lady go on? Piers Morgan Yeah.
And she's literally like, how she is as a thing.
She's insane, oh, and happy to talk about it, yeah, and claiming she's not insane.
Right, and not knowing how insane you look, yeah.
Fucking frightening.
It's wild when people don't know how insane they are and you watch and you're like, Oh my god. They think they're sane, they think they're fine, they think they're going to go on there and make a good argument.
Those are the most insane people, the ones that don't know.
Right?
Yeah, have you been watching the Fauci hearings?
No.
Whoa, dude, it's wild, it's wild.
What's going on with that?
Still, like, deeply in denial about everything. I mean. They're confronting him about emails they got, about deleting emails in preparation of a Freedom of Information Act request. They got emails from people that he worked with, saying, you know that, don't worry, Fauci is too smart to talk about this stuff on emails.
You'll either have to deliver something to him or meet him in person. There's all this like, weird deception, shit. There's people that said this is clearly leaked from a lab. Look at the fair and cleavage sites they have to be. That's put into the virus to make it more infectious to human beings.
They're talking about it in the email. And then that same guy after talking to Fauci, like three days later, is like, it's ridiculous to think this came from a lab. This is clearly from a natural, and they're all talking about discrediting people who are talking about the lab leak theory. I mean, what they did was insane and they did it in front of everybody.
And finally, Fauci has to talk about it to people, but he's still in denial about all of it. There's no science that says that masking for children works, there's no science that says that vaccinating children works. That it's good, that it's overall good. And the amount of people that have gotten wrecked by this, they're starting to recognize it in other countries.
And they're talking about it in other countries. They haven't quite gone public with it in all the newspapers in the United States yet, but in the U..K. they're blaming it. There was the thing about Germany today, there was a front page of, like, a major newspaper.
Somebody sent it to me, I'll send it to you, Jamie. But they're finally starting to talk about it, and they're talking about excess deaths in the Philippines. They're talking about the amount of people that are no longer having children, the amount of less children that are born.
Because one of the side effects that is claimed is it wrecks women's fertility and wrecks men's fertility, too. The baby numbers are down by a million.
I couldn't tell what newspaper it was from.
Yeah, I don't know, I bet, if you take the title, but they're talking about it. Analyze data.
Here we go, it says. Researchers from the Netherlands analyzed data from 47 Western countries and discovered there have been more than 3 million excess deaths since 2020. With the trend continuing despite the rollout of vaccines and containment measures, experts said the unprecedented figures raise serious concerns and called on governments to fully investigate the underlying causes, including possible vaccine harms.
This is wild stuff, man.
Because, you know now that we're getting an understanding of how much deception was involved, like trying to blame it on a natural origin. When they clearly knew it was a lab leak, they still don't say it's a lab leak. It was clearly a lab leak. It's clearly, obviously I'm not a doctor.
But in my eyes, it looks like a fucking lab leak, and most people that are educated think it's a fucking lab leak. And this guy still is denying it, and was denying that it's even gain of function, and they even funded that research.
But they changed the definition of gain of function for this particular vaccine.
What did they change it to?
The definition of gain of function on the NIH website was changed. it was updated.
So that was from the Telegraph.
The Telegraph Covid vaccines may have helped fueled rise in excess deaths. The excess deaths have to be discussed, and no one wants to, because that's the real thing.
The all-cause mortality, deaths, the big uptick in cancer, and what they're calling turbo cancer. Obviously, again, I don't understand any of this stuff. But Peter McCullough was talking about what the mechanism behind this rise in cancer would be.
And how it could be tied into it, he was explaining it from a medical perspective. The whole thing is so nuts. When are we going to learn? like, when are we going to learn?
Yeah, it's crazy. Being back in L..A. They rehired the people that they fired for not being vaccinated. Like Rose, is like, running the joint finally finally got someone with a brain.
ASSISTANT GM And I don't know. It just brought me great joy to see things like that, at least.
At least sort of back to normal.
Exactly.
Yeah, it's just.
That part was the part where I'm, like, got to go to Texas. It's time they're forcing people to get a shot of something to work at a dirty night comedy club.
And to fly and to do everything. And they're lying about whether or not it's going to stop the virus. They lied about it, they said. it's going to stop it in its tracks. It was all bullshit.
There was no data that showed that it stopped it in its tracks. Even one of the people in the vaccine study got Covid.
I mean, literally.
One of the people died from Covid. Did you know that?
Uh-uh.
Yeah.
So many people that got the shot got it immediately. It was, I mean, it's crazy. They're literally like, I've had Covid four times, I got two shots.
I got three boosters, I've had it five times. Like, it's like, so contrary to what the whole thing was supposed to do, I mean.
I'm just hoping that people wake up and realize that we have this idealistic perspective, that they're looking out for your best interest. But whenever there's enormous amounts of money to be made, they will distort the facts, even if something is beneficial. I mean, let's just pretend that there's no excess deaths. Let's pretend that it just causes a bunch of neurological issues and autoimmune issues, which it seems to do.
Let's pretend it's just that. Even that they're not going to tell you about, they're not going to tell you about it until it's already. There's problems. They've shown that with the Vioxx problem, when they had that Vioxx scandal, they knew.
They had emails saying we're going to have problems, but I think that we'll do well with this. Talking about financially, because you got money people, man, money people aren't medicine people.
But medicine is medicine, and medicine is to help people, but it's run by money, people, so you have the scientists that create the awesome medicine, and then you have the money. People who figure out a way to fucking sell this to people.
Force people to take it, and when you watch videos of all the different things. And during this thing, one of the things is that. Fauci was claiming that he didn't coerce anybody to take the vaccine. But there's this whole recorded conversation of him talking about if you keep people from working.
You keep people like, if Amazon says they're not going to hire people at big corporations, you have to be vaccinated to fly, he goes. It's shown that people will drop their ideological bullshit and get vaccinated, you can imagine.
Just imagine that's from a public health official who knows that it doesn't stop infection. He has to know what the data is, he has to know it was all just to get people to take it.
And they made so much money and the government, you know, this is the weird thing. There's. $710 million was earned, and Fauci's claiming that he never made any money.
Zero, he said. He got $0 from it, He said. He got like $122 from a monoclonal antibody patent that he has. It's crazy that they work for the American people with taxpayers money and they create something that they put a patent on.
And then that makes him hundreds of millions of dollars, $710 million, like, where'd that go? You didn't get any of it. But the other thing they showed was that Fauci's income, his net worth, went up to $11 million.
So he made a lot of money, yeah, maybe he sold a book.
Yeah.
Maybe it was legit.
Yeah, I saw something of him on my Twitter feed, him just playing victim, mm-hmm.
You see that guy behind him? uh-uh, this is a fucking amazing video, this guy behind him. When Fauci's talking about the death threats, you know, the guy's like.
Yeah, the guy's making this face. Have you seen it, Jamie? I'll send it to you. It's hilarious.
The dude's hilarious.
But anytime anybody does that, in my mind, the stuff that.
Playing victim.
Yeah, the stuff that I've been through and seen, because I had a lot of death threats during quite a few phases of my jokes. Being out there, that's hilarious.
That's it. Give me the volume.
I mean, it's such a joke, you probably.
Two individuals and credible death threats means someone who clearly was on their way to kill me, and it's required my having protective services essentially all the time. It is very troublesome to me. It is much more troublesome because they've involved my wife and my three daughters.
At these moments, how do you feel?
Keep your mic on. Terrible. Do you continue to receive threats today? Yes, I do every time someone gets up.
Yeah, well, well, that was the other thing. They blame podcasters, right? they blame podcasters.
And they said that we're responsible for 200 to 300,000 deaths.
Yeah, that makes total sense.
Hey man, you made it.
Yeah.
First of all, don't blame us. First of all, you made it. yeah, you fucking made it, you funded it.
Yeah, you were a part of the research.
Andy was the main salesman on the air every day. Yeah, when we were watching the news because there was nothing else. We wanted updates, we wanted to see when things were going to open, if any positive news was there.
And we had him.
The richest thing of all is Chris Cuomo is now taking Ivor Macbeth.
Oh my God, Dave Smith bodying him is one of the greatest all time, I mean.
I said this before, and it was that I said it was going to be Mike Tyson versus Marvis Frazier. Like, what have I got myself into? And that's what it was. Oh, yeah.
But he did it to himself, he did it to himself. I mean, Dave did it to him for sure, but Chris did it to himself. He just has this bizarre way of trying to, like, lawyer it up and twist the words and turn it into something.
That's okay, I didn't say that. Where's the clips? and then they show the clip, yeah.
And he's still trying to pretend that we're mocking people for taking horse deworming.
And there was more than that, you know, these clips, they do a funny thing over at CNN. I think we were talking about this the other day. Because of a joke that I do in the headlines. They do a funny thing where they can change the headlines after a certain amount of time. Oh, yeah.
You know, they can change them, they can delete videos, they can copyright, strike them, they have control over what they've done. And they went on and on and on.
There was a whole thing with it. I was obsessed with CNN because I find propaganda to be very, very interesting. I want to know what everyone else is seeing, I want to know what the audiences are seeing.
Especially the people that aren't really paying attention. Yeah, maybe they don't have friends that know what's really going on, they don't know the whole history behind everything.
And I know it's not real. I look at CNN like most people look at pro wrestling, and I look at pro wrestling like it's pro wrestling, like it's real.
No.
But I mean.
Yeah, it is like pro wrestling.
Especially during that time, I was studying that so hard because I knew I knew that they were, I knew something was fucking rotten going on.
They don't know what to do about Israel and Palestine. They're just like trapped, they're trapped in the middle. Did you see in Philly, where the Gay Pride Parade ran into the Free Palestine Parade, they wouldn't let them pass?
Yeah, like, No, our thing's more important, right than you guys fucking each other.
Yeah, crazy.
It's just the woke eating woke, it's the left eating the left. Yeah, but that's what they've always done, they eat themselves.
By the way, the right does it too, the right does it too. They do it all the time. It's a human characteristic that we can't really just say one side does, yeah.
Because it's not true.
The Gay parade and the Palestine parade. Meeting up in the middle is like the time Kid Rock shot a bunch of bud light.
No, because nothing's going to die, no business is going to get crushed by it.
It's like, No, you guys don't want to fight each other.
Look at this, look at the free Palestine and the gay Pride. It's a standoff, it's a fucking flat out standoff.
Hijabs versus blowjobs over here.
No pride in genocide, they're stopping the Pride Parade. No, you can't have your parade, our parade's more important. I love the masks.
I just love them. Look at all these people with masks on. It is the Liberals MAGA hat, it is. I've said it a million times, but that's what it is.
It's a fucking Maga hat.
Oh my goodness.
These Dorks, how many of them had fucking masks on man? It's crazy. They don't even work, I mean, they work as well as that lady's visor.
That's turned backwards, yeah.
And they definitely don't work against AIDS, so wearing one at a gay Pride parade is completely pointless.
Imagine you think this is going to protect you?
Yeah, they're wearing a mask outside and meanwhile, they buttfuck strangers in glory holes and stuff.
I honestly think it's more of the free Palestine people that were wearing the masks.
You think anybody's ever worn a mask at a glory hole?
What's that?
Because they don't want to be identified in photos.
That's true, too, right?
Pretty much most of it.
You think most of it.
Yeah, retaliation.
Yeah.
I don't think it should be legal to wear a mask in public.
I agree with that.
I just think it's too creepy. You could rob someone. Yeah, I mean, in New York City, if someone had a mask on in the past, you'd be like, really wary, Oh my god, this guy's got a ski mask on.
Fuck, it was scary. It means they were going to rob you and you couldn't identify them, right? Why are we allowing that?
It doesn't work right, the data's in kids, it doesn't work. It never made sense.
Even in the early days of the pandemic, there was a famous doctor that went viral. Because he was doing vape hits and he would put a mask on, and the vape smoke would blow straight through the mask. And he was explaining, like, this is, these vapor particles are bigger than Covid particles. Yeah, like, it's going right through that mask, it's not stopping, Jack shit, and you're going to get it.
Right, you're going to get it. And you know, they said, Oh, the masks work at the margins, like if you fuck with the numbers, because here's the thing, how many people wear masks all the time are also super fucking paranoid.
Right? So they're avoiding crowds, they're not going out. How many people who won't wear a mask are a little loose. They're just like, fuck it.
If I get sick, I get sick, I already got Covid, fuck it. Yeah, you know, they just go out.
So you can't. It's hard to know when you have a large group of when something is weird as the pandemic happens. And even then they can't show. It's not like all the people with masks showed 80 of them didn't get Covid. Uh-uh, no, they all got Covid, everybody got Covid.
And then there's this thing where they want to say it protects you from hospitalization and death. No, that's not true either, because I know a lot of people who were vaccinated, who got Covid, who got to the fucking hospital, and I know a couple that died, yeah.
How many people do you know that died from Covid?
I confirmed, Actually don't know anybody. I don't think, I mean, it's kind of debatable, like Jeff Scott, I mean, I don't know.
No, Jeff Scott, he died alone, like in his, I don't think he had Covid.
I mean, Yeah, exactly, I know some people that died during that period, but really nobody.
Jeff Scott was HIV positive, too.
Yeah, for a long time.
I wonder if maybe he couldn't get his meds.
Yeah, I don't know.
I mean, because that was an issue during the pandemic as well. That's when we realized that China makes all our medicine, like what China makes a lot of things, man. It's crazy how much we rely on them for manufacturing stuff.
Yep, crazy.
Yeah, they're trying to mitigate some of that. Now. Samsung is actually putting in a chip factory in Austin.
Huh.
Yeah, I don't know, should be interesting.
Yeah, we got to do something, we got to get businesses back over here and stuff.
Yeah, well, we definitely shouldn't rely on a foreign country that is not our ally for our fucking medicine. Jesus, Right? That's so kooky, that is such a kooky thought.
We live in the craziest times.
It's so weird, man, it's every day, it's weirder and weirder, and every day AI gets stronger and stronger. And every day I wonder, like, are these the last days of just being a regular person?
Are these the last days of us just driving around, getting on a plane, going to places, telling jokes? are these the last days of that? Like, are we going to be living in a world in five years that's unrecognizable? Because I think we are, dude.
I hope not. I don't know the AI stuff. Still, I'm not completely mesmerized or convinced. I hear you and Duncan talking about it a lot in the green room, and I'm just always like, I don't know, I don't really.
I haven't bought in yet, it all just seems like a fancy Alexa to me.
Well, have you actually seen what it can do? Have you ever seen what it can do? Like, as far as coding, no, it can code so much faster than people, it can solve problems faster than people.
It can do all these things already better than people can. Like, no one in the future is going to need to hire a coder. Like a person who sits in front of a terminal for 16 hours a day and just fucking adderalls out and just like lines of code, that's done, that's done.
You can do that if you want to, but a computer is going to bang it out quick. It would be stupid for you to do that when a computer would do it in two seconds. And you're going to spend 16 hours and you might fuck up a few lines and you've got to go back and check it. Why?
Why aren't you doing it manually? A computer is just going to do it, you know? Why are you going to stand there with one of those old-timey photographs where everybody has to stand still? No?
You have a phone now, it takes a better picture. It's going to be like that with everything, it's going to be in control of airplanes, it's going to be in control of all the automobiles.
The problem is you're going to have to get like, permission to go places. It's going to get fucking weird, dude, it's going to get really, really weird.
Yeah, I just hope we can, I don't know.
Well, think about the amount of change that we have now in comparison to just our parents, just our parents. The best transportation back then was an airplane, the best way to get the news was the television or a newspaper. And you didn't know what to do with your life.
You had to go to college, and then you go to college, or you go to trade school, or you get an apprenticeship, and you get a job, and then you get a kid. You don't know what the fuck is going on in the world. You have this surface-level understanding of what's going on in the world, and now everybody knows what's going on in the world.
The amount we knew about the Iraq invasion in 92 93, whatever it was when Iraq invaded Kuwait in Desert Storm, the amount we knew was minuscule. Yeah, minuscule. There was no YouTube shows where you could see someone breaking it down.
Oh, they're actually trying to get away from the American dollar and we're trying to do this. And that there was none of that.
No one knew the hustle.
It's crazy that these wars are still happening. I don't know why we're giving them our money, we need a, I don't know.
Well, that's not going to change. Yeah, I mean, that might shift. If Trump becomes president, maybe he can get away with some stuff, maybe he could do some things.
He wants to stop the wars, he's like the only one that's saying he can stop the wars and wants to stop the wars.
He's the only one that did before.
He did it before. What can he do, though? what can he do different? Like, what can? Let's pretend? Let's pretend? It's November of 2024..
Trump wins January, he gets an office. What can he do?
Well, it seems like he has a way to.
Jesus Christ. Trump is planning to send kill teams to Mexico to take out cartel leaders. Donald Trump has told allies about his plans to covertly send special forces to Mexico to assassinate drug kingpins, sources tell. Rolling Stone Well, Rolling Stone, you have lied to me before.
You've lied to me a lot, and you've lied to me about the fucking people. Overdosing on horse dewormer Remember that that was rolling stone? They had a line of people outside waiting to get to the hospital because so many people were in there for horse dewormer overdoses. That gunshot victims couldn't get in.
Jesus.
They're so dumb. They used a photograph. This was in like August in Oklahoma. They used a photograph of people wearing coats because they were lining up for a flu shot. It was a different shot.
Different photo. It wasn't what they really were there for, it was bullshit. What is that article? Jamie? Same thing.
Same thing printed on Yahoo. The source was rolling stone in here, too.
Yeah, I mean, if he was doing that, someone's a rat, so shut the fuck up.
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