Bondage

I'm Ben Nadafafri, host of the history show The Last Archive, and I want to tell you about a new series we're running in our feed. It's called The Deadline. Six essays written and read by Jill Lepore, the New Yorker writer, American historian, and founding host of our show. These are incredible essays on everything from the history of cryogenics to the Silicon Valley gospel of disruption. And at the end of each essay, I interview Jill about her craft as a writer.

podcasts.

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It's on our TV shows. I'm somewhere I never expected to be as a scrappy dive bar drag queen.

Movies. Would you make me a woman? It's even at your local library. Drag queen story hour. You.

might have seen flyers for it at your local library. Men wearing mascara have even brought.

their strip club style act into all ages events. Family friendly drag show in Denver is ruffling.

some feathers. So-called all ages drag shows are popping up all over the country. Drag shows for kids. One of them was held the other day in Austin, Texas. With all these guys in gowns,

it's got to make you wonder, why is drag being mainstreamed?

This is not another talk show covering the day's news. We are all about telling stories.

Stories. Hollywood doesn't want you to hear. Stories. the media mocks. Stories about everyday Americans that the globalists ignore.

scream future drag queen.

By Blake's account, in his younger years, he was a spoiled, rotten kid that lived the.

cushy suburban lifestyle. We had just about everything we wanted and everything we needed.

But his relationship with his father was a bit lacking. My dad worked really hard for the money.

he made. So he wasn't around much. I may not have had the best relationship or the closest relationship with my father, but he was always working, always trying to progress our family.

Blake could feel the absence. Now, everyone knows that there's been a decades long debate on whether people are born homosexuals. Well, Blake is a data point in favor of the born this camp. But he has a twist on the argument that doesn't make it into the media.

I always had a higher voice. I dressed pretty preppy and wild colors as well. So I did get teased a lot. I got bullied a lot. I started realizing that there was something different about me when I was about six or seven years old.

But young Blake hadn't learned that having same sex attraction was wrong at his megachurch. You see, by the time Blake was sitting in the pews, churches all across the country had gone through somewhat of a shift. Ministers had just been through an over decade long confrontation with the LGBTQ community. And in many enclaves of America, it changed the fabric of the pulpit.

By the mid 1970s, an effort to normalize homosexuality was in full swing in Hollywood. The campaign was progressing. But by the early 80s, a new development hindered the project.

Scientists at the National Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta today released the results of a study which shows that the lifestyle of some male homosexuals has triggered an epidemic of a rare form of cancer. More than 800 cases nationwide, 300 plus of those fatal. And every day, three more cases are identified. And yet, still, surprisingly, few people are familiar with the Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome, or the acronym by which it's frequently identified, AIDS.

the habits of homosexuals for clues. I was in the fast lane at one time in terms of the way I lived my life, and now I'm not.

The AIDS epidemic put the sexual habits of homosexuals, especially gay men, under scrutiny. By 1990, many pro-family Christian organizations attempted to combat the spread of their lifestyle.

Larry Lee is leading an army of 300,000 prayer warriors into daily spiritual combat, and he's challenging you to make your home God's altar. The doors are opening to the nations of the earth for this prayer message, which will change your life. God is going to raise up a.

new kind of Christian that when we go into battle, we like it. We have declared war against the enemy, and there's no turning back. now. I find the spirit of witchcraft. We just needed someone.

to pull us together and go to war. On October 31st, 1990, televangelist Larry Lee looked to bring his congregation to the epicenter of the gay community, San Francisco. It is a televangelist.

assault on San Francisco, but the so-called sinners, including gays and pro-choice advocates,

say they'll fight it. Lee and a group of other pastors planned to hold a prayer meeting at San.

Francisco's Civic Center. on Halloween night. Lee got himself and his karma into trouble when he announced his visit to exercise the city of its spirit of perversion. Lee contends that spirit runs wild in San Francisco not just on Halloween, but every night of the year. We believe in traditional values, the Judeo-Christian values that our country was founded upon.

gay populace was outraged that Lee and his congregation would enter the Bay Area community,

promoting their Christian morals. And I don't feel that he should come to San Francisco and try to mess with our lifestyle. He's calling people perverts. He's calling the community of San Francisco ignored because what his language does is it fosters physical attack. I think they're Nazis.

I think that they need an agenda to keep their political thing going, you know, keep those.

dollars rolling in. He's nuts. He's a dangerous nut. He's a fascist. He's criticizing gay people and saying that San Francisco is perverse.

We're going to party. And we say no to you. Hundreds of gays, lesbians, nudists and drag queens gathered outside the San Francisco Civic Center. The demonstrators arrived at the same time.

as the churchgoers that forced everyone kept their distance. Protesters chanting on one side of the street. Be gone, bigots, be gone. Be gone, bigots, be gone. Worshippers praying and healing people on the other as they waited for the hall to open.

is when you make a commitment and you get married to a woman. Soon, most of the 2,000.

chanting. demonstrators crossed Grove Street approaching the worshippers, and police moved in to try to create a protective barrier between the two sides. Bus loads of churchgoers meantime refused to get out because of demonstrators who circled the exit. You should have people out here, protecting the rights of law-abiding citizens. 1,000 pro-homosexual protesters blocked the entrance to the auditorium.

building and fight to be heard.

gathering for their annual conference, homosexuals and lesbians, a group called Queer Nation, gathering to challenge the church. The group called Queer Nation is angry about a speech given by General Authority Boyd K. Packer. Queer Nation is a local group with ties to the national organization known for its radical protests across the country. The Salt Lake chapter is angry about what it says are anti-gay messages from LDS church leaders.

For the next decade, gay groups and the media targeted Christian organizations, branding their beliefs as bigoted, homophobic, and hateful. By the time young Blake Howard began sitting in the pews in the early 2000s, many churches shied away from directly addressing the Bible's teachings on homosexuality, including his megachurch. Again, Blake Howard.

It's like very, very clear in the Bible what the biblical views are. Now people don't preach about it or talk about it because they're afraid to start a riot and get people all mad and have the LGBTQ community coming after them because they decided to preach about it in the pulpit.

So Blake was left to make his own assessment of the gay lifestyle. But his father's sentiment.

didn't leave much to the imagination. I remember we were at a dinner and my dad, so we had been talking about American Idol, and I remember there was one particular singer that I really liked. Of course, at the end of the day, I thought he was attractive.

Blake's mom said that he'd recently mentioned in an interview that he was gay.

And the moment that my mom said that, my dad was like, well, we don't talk about fags. So, honestly, I had the notion that it was not okay, that it was bad, but I just didn't know why. I knew about Jesus and I knew that he loved me and those kind of like basic things, but I didn't understand why this was wrong. Today, Blake believes in the born this way notion, but he has an interesting take on the debate. I agree with the statement I was born this way because, again, like I was one of those people that had those feelings very early, very young.

Blake actually sees born this way homosexuality as original sin.

Fast forward towards, like the end of the, my age of seven, I actually ended up getting molested. And at first it was presented to me by like a game, essentially. And it involved, like a kid that was like about my age, that I was really close friends with. And we hung out all the time. We rode bikes and we played.

It's older brother got involved in it. Blake says the older brother was 14..

It was never really like, oh, you can't talk about this. And they tried to like, shut me up. I just didn't ever talk about it, because I honestly, I didn't want to not be able to hang out with my friends anymore. But at the same time, like I didn't want to get in trouble. I never really like had the idea that they did anything wrong.

The event led Blake down a wormhole.

That was like the time of iPod touches. So I had gotten one of those. I was Googling different things, trying to understand what was happening to me, like why I liked it, why it was different, like why it made sense to the way I was feeling. And I mean, of course, my very first sexual experience was with another guy. So it was like this crazy and just weird mindset was put inside of me that marriage is for men and women and sex is for men and men.

By the time Blake reached high school, he was into just about everything the girls were into, including theater.

So I was like this theater kid, eventually just finding a place where I kind of belonged in this like theater type world. That way I could like express myself and be who I wanted, or I thought I could be. And I had friends tell me like I would make a really good gay best friend. And a lot of people were just like, you should just be gay already. And I was like, I'm not gay.

During his sophomore year, Blake recalled that a gay boy in his theater class began to befriend him.

I ended up telling him like, I know you like me, and I just want to tell you like, I don't like you back. I don't like guys, and I'm sorry. And I think that it was really about senior year that I was kind of like, OK, like, maybe I like guys, maybe I'm just going to kind of go into this and go for it.

And just as Blake came to this realization, a part came up in his theater program that would eventually turn his world upside down.

I'm Ben Adafafri, host of the history podcast, The Last Archive, and I want to tell you about a new series we're running in our feed. It's called The Deadline, and it features six essays written and read by Jill Lepore, the New Yorker writer, American historian and founding host of our show. These are incredible essays on everything from the history of cryogenics to the Silicon Valley gospel of disruption. And at the end of each essay, I interviewed Jill about her craft as a writer and how she's thinking about the themes of these essays. now.

This is a crazy origin story. I don't think I've ever told this before.

I really loved having these conversations with Jill, and it was a rare chance to talk to her about how she goes about reading, writing, and the work of history. You can listen to The Deadline on The Last Archive feed, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

So I started a free newsletter called Good Taste that comes out every Thursday, and it's serving up recipes that will make your mouth water. Think a candied bacon, Bloody Mary, tacos with cabbage slaw, curry, cauliflower with almonds and mint, and cherry slab pie with vanilla ice cream. to top it all off. I mean, yum. I'm getting hungry.

As listeners of Red Pilled America know, this show is all about awakenings. And I recently had an awakening of my own, courtesy of the licorice guy. Licorice has no gender, but they do have color. My mom says once you go black, you never go back. But I've been a red vines junkie my entire life.

Maybe I like eyes. Maybe I'm just gonna kind of go into this and go for it.

Right around this time, his school's theater program announced that they'd be producing an adaptation of Hairspray. The original 1988 movie, written and directed by John Waters, included a role played by a drag queen. The role was a pivotal one within the gay community. You see, John Waters, who was openly gay, had been one of the earliest filmmakers to insert drag queens into his work. In his first full-length film, the 1969 Mondo Trash Show, Mr.

I had to tip the driver with my body.

The following year, Mr. Pierce made a brief appearance on Starsky & Hutch, dressed in drag. Later that same year, TV producer Norman Lear put a drag queen on the wildly famous sitcom All in the Family.

Don't Beverly. look beautiful, Archie?

Yeah, well, well, yeah, yeah. Oh, holy Jesus. Oh,

By the early 1980s, drag queens were making regular appearances in Hollywood fare.

Thank you. Welcome back to the show, ladies and gentlemen.

John Waters is the man responsible for making Divine a movie star. He has been in his movies. Female Trouble, Pink Flamingos, Polyester, and Multiple Maniacs.

By the mid-1980s, just as the AIDS epidemic was in full swing, UK pop sensation Culture Club grabbed the Best New Artist award at the Grammys. The group's popular lead singer, Boy George, gave drag queens mainstream credibility.

Thank you, America. You've got taste, style,

and you know a good drag, queen, when you see one.

So by the time John Waters began producing his film Hairspray, the dam he helped crack broke open enough for him to include a drag queen into a primary role in his mainstream big-screen picture.

Could you turn that racket down? I'm trying to iron in here.

The character's name was Edna Turnblad, and it was played by Mr. Waters' original drag queen star, Divine. The part became iconic to the gay community, so when Blake's high school theater program announced they'd be doing Hairspray, he knew which role he'd be auditioning for.

It was Edna Turnblad in Hairspray. And when they announced that we were going to be doing Hairspray, I was like, I knew exactly what I wanted, because I knew that I wanted to play that role. And it was a traditional drag role, and they were going to cast a guy for this particular role anyway, and I was like, I want to do it.

Blake spoke to his mother, telling her he wanted to go out for the part. But he played it down so she wouldn't suspect anything. You see, Blake still hadn't come out to his friends and family. Sure, flares were going off like the finale of a centennial 4th of July fireworks show, but Blake still didn't openly cop up to it.

I auditioned and did everything and successfully got the role, and I kind of dove into that. Literally after every show, I would just get raving reviews. People were just literally obsessed with the whole production, the role. They were like, oh my gosh, you did an incredible job. I thought they hired a 40-year-old woman to be that.

Blake graduated high school in 2014.

I didn't want to tell people really that I was gay. So that was our biggest argument. That was the biggest thing. So we just split ways. And at the time, I was like brokenhearted.

Blake was a big young man, 250 pounds. But he would meet guys on dating apps in locations. that left him vulnerable to shady characters, all for 15 minutes of perceived pleasure. The interactions felt hollow to him.

I still had this like empty space, even after, like losing him and then starting hooking up with tons of different guys. I was kind of like, I still have this weird hole in my heart. Like, I don't know what the heck to do. Like, I just don't feel completely satisfied.

To fill the void, Blake started thinking about the one thing that made him feel good.

Then I was like, you know what? Like, what if I just started doing drag again? Like, what? if I did, I actually became a drag queen and not just like left it as that one role.

At that time, makeup tutorials were starting to be huge on YouTube. Blake began watching them.

I had no idea where to even begin or how to get myself into the drag scene. Because the reality is, it's really hard to even get yourself in there without any like connections or like knowing people. So I was kind of going into it completely blind.

Just as Blake had this epiphany, the mother of a high school friend reached out to him. The mother had seen his performance in Hairspray.

She called me up and was like, hey, I know this is random, it's out of the blue, but I am doing like this charity thing. And tons of companies have gotten together and we're raising money for said charity. And at the end of today's event, like all of the companies are supposed to send a drag queen to the stage. And they're going to do a show and people are going to give you money while you're performing. And then, like whoever raises the most money and has the best performance wins.

Blake immediately accepted.

So then I was like, yes, I'll totally do it. I'm there, I'm down.

Blake began piecing together a costume, a wig, a dress, some high heels. He put what he'd learned from the YouTube makeup tutorials into practice. And he was off and running.

I got there to the event and the mom was like, okay, I need a name. Like who, what is your name going to be? And the first thing that came to my head was Velma. And so that was when she kind of became real. She was born.

Velma was a 1960s housewife, big blonde hair, a very chic fashionista.

And so I did the performance and everyone loved it. Everyone like, had such a good time. Tons of money was given to me.

Just like his hairspray performance, Blake was showered with compliments.

And I was like pumped with all of that and immediate, like just affection, and people are just like obsessed and they wanted more. And I kind of finally felt like there was a place for me to step out of my own shoes and jump into this whole different character that didn't have the same problems as me. Everybody loved her. Like she didn't have problems with people. She didn't get bullied.

Blake wanted to keep it going. He sought out some drag clubs to go to. But the problem was Blake was still living with his parents, who still didn't know he was gay. So he began to sneak out late at night.

So a lot of the times I would like go to friends' houses and then get ready, and then we would go to a bar or we'd go to something or if I had a performance or whatever. But the reality was is like even when I was there, you know, I wasn't old enough to be in these clubs.

He was 18 and 19 years old, going to 21 and over clubs.

But when you show up in drag, no one really like questions your age or, you know, who you are or what you're doing.

Blake's promiscuity continued.

Like I, was hooking up with 30, 40 year old men and they were either married or like secretly closeted gay. I was looking for acceptance from another dude. I heard this minister talk about the subject one time and he used to struggle with homosexuality. He was saying that one day he realized that homosexuality is just perverted lust. It all boils down to just lust.

This explanation resonated with Blake.

And when I looked at my life and I realized I was like, that makes so much sense.

The promiscuity didn't make Blake whole. So he began self-medicating. He started drinking heavily. He picked up a cocaine habit. Then one night, he almost overdosed.

I felt my heart racing. I felt my body doing a lot of things that my body's never done before. And I was actually watching one of my friends puking. And I was just like, Lord, if you get me through this, I will stop doing drugs.

Blake survived the night and he wanted to go clean. As he came out of his drug-filled haze, Blake started to become disillusioned by the whole drag spectacle.

I was realizing that everyone was just so obsessed with this character and not of me. Like, they would give me instant gratification when I was this person, this Velma character. But when I was Blake, like, no one cared about me. No one noticed me. I wasn't anything special.

Blake started contemplating hanging up his wig. He applied for a role at the Disney World theme park in Orlando, Florida.

And I was like planning on moving down there and doing that. And that was going to be my escape from getting away from all the drugs and all the craziness. And it was going to give me some time to think about whether or not I wanted to continue doing drag. And my mom was like, well, like, what do you think about going to this ministry school that's in Alabama?

Blake's cousin was attending the ministry school as well. But Blake wasn't interested. It was in the middle of nowhere.

And at the time, like, all I really had, was like a Walmart and a Taco Bell. So I was like, I'm not going there. And my mom was like, well, just go and try it. If you hate it, in November, when you come back for Thanksgiving, you can leave and I'll help you move to Orlando.

Blake decided to give it a try. He applied and got in. He still wasn't sure that he wanted to quit doing drag, but he reluctantly went to Alabama. And when he did, he had an experience that shifted his entire perspective on life.

Hi, everyone. It's me, Katie Couric. Have you heard about my newsletter called Body and Soul? It has everything you need to know about your physical and mental health. Personally, I'm overwhelmed by the wellness industry.

I'm Ben Adafafri, host of the history podcast, The Last Archive, and I want to tell you about a new series running in our feed. It's called The Deadline, and it features six essays written and read by Jill Lepore, the New Yorker writer, American historian, and founding host of our show. These are incredible essays on everything from the history of cryogenics to the Silicon Valley gospel of disruption. And at the end of each essay, I interviewed Jill about her craft as a writer and how she's thinking about the themes of these essays. now.

This is a crazy origin story. I don't think I've ever told this before.

I really loved having these conversations with Jill, and it was a rare chance to talk to her about how she goes about reading, writing, and the work of history. You can listen to The Deadline on The Last Archive feed, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Welcome back to Red Pilled America.

Throwing their arms around, I was like, okay, all these people are crazy. But I just decided to join in because I was like, I don't want to look like the weird one not doing this. And I started losing myself in this worship. I didn't understand what was happening. I started feeling joy.

Then the music transitioned to a slower song.

All of a sudden, this presence entered the room. It just brought this peace and this freedom. The love of God just filled the room in one moment, and I felt so free. I didn't know how to even articulate it, because I'd never felt a presence that tangible before in my entire life. I'd grown up in church, and this was kind of the same, but just a little bit more old and Southern.

You are strong. You are brave. You are all you're meant to be. Everything you ever dreamed came true.

I let go of the drugs and the alcohol and all that kind of stuff at the altar. And then, the same weekend, I decided like I was going to follow Jesus for real.

But he still had one internal conflict.

The one thing that I was like, I'm still, I mean, I'm still gay. Like, yay, I'm sober and I'm a good person again, but I'm still gay.

After orientation, he had to follow through on a commitment he'd already made. He'd agreed to perform drag at a cabaret type show in Atlanta.

And I remember getting ready for that role. And before, when I had been putting on the makeup and putting on the facade and I slipped on my wigs and all that kind of stuff, I felt different. I felt free. I felt like, oh, I can be a different person. And no one has to know that Blake has all these problems and all these insecurities.

Blake did his performance. But when he stepped off the stage, something was different.

And I just remember having that moment of just like, I don't want to do this anymore. And in letting go of this drag persona, letting go of this, like, false identity, of, like, playing pretend all the time to get away from my problems. It was like I tried to find freedom in it, and then I only found bondage in it.

In 72 hours, Blake says he had a transformation.

I just had an encounter with Jesus, and that's all it took.

You are strong, you are brave, you are all you're meant to be. Everything you ever dreamed came true. When you laugh, when you cry, I'll be always on your side. And thank God for you and me.

Blake left the drag queen charade behind him. He went back to ministry school and finished out the year. But when he went home to Atlanta, he began to revert a bit to his old lifestyle.

I wasn't in my church bubble anymore. I was alone, and I started, like, messing up and sleeping with dudes. And then I would get back, and I would feel like hell. I would feel like crap. I felt like I disappointed God or I disappointed my leaders or whatever.

A bunch of the servers were students at his ministry school, including a young lady.

We realized, like, we had a lot in common. We started carpooling together with another friend. And this girl was like, oh, yeah, I used to be gay.

She was actually engaged at one point to another woman.

She ended up coming to a conference at the ministry school and completely got wrecked by God. And we kind of realized that we kind of had the same story. We were like potheads. We did drugs. We drank a lot and got crazy and partied.

And his friendship with his Olive Garden co-worker blossomed. But Blake was actually dating another girl.

We ended up breaking it off. And then she told me like after I broke up with this girl, she was like, so I like you. And I was like, okay. And it was funny because, like before any of this, I had actually kind of like, started to like her in a sense. Like we were just always together.

They got married in 2018.

And her dad is a pastor here in San Antonio. And so we came under his ministry and we're youth pastors for a while. And now we're associate pastors and we're the church administrators as well. And we have a one-year-old, almost about to be a two-year-old in April. And then in September, we were expecting our second one.

In today's climate, it's hard for people to believe that a man that was effectively born gay can turn away from that desire to live a traditional marriage. You may even have a hard time believing Blake's story now. But Blake has a message for anyone that'll listen.

I didn't just all of a sudden one day wake up and I could walk into a bar and be like, dang, I could do that chick. You know, it was like, it was never that kind of situation. It was just like a journey of trying to find my way and who God's called me to be, and also denying myself. And at the same time, realizing that God was never gonna make me straight. God was gonna make me whole.

Which brings us back to the question, why is drag being mainstreamed?

People are using drag queens as this vehicle, almost to normalize the LGBTQ community. Starting from the 60s, like over time, this people group has began to ease their way into society. And they're like inventing pretty colorful characters to introduce to your children. So then, that way, it doesn't look the same. It's just packaged in a different package.

And if there's anyone out there that is living the life that Blake once lived, he wants you to know that there is another way.

What people are not talking about is there is a way to get out of the LGBTQ community. There's a possibility of like letting go of these unwanted same-sex attraction thoughts. Like it's not conversion therapy or electric shocks, or you can take this pill and pray the gay way. It's like there's really a relationship with Jesus that can actually take these things away and give you, like, an identity that's like solid.

Thanks for listening.

Hi, everyone. It's me, Katie Couric. You know, lately I've been overwhelmed by the whole wellness industry. So much information out there about flaxseed, pelvic floor, serums, and anti-aging. So I launched a newsletter.

My name is Michael Wolff. Each week, on Fire and Fury, the podcast, I take you deeper into the mind of Donald Trump and his campaign than any other journalist ever goes. I've written three books on Trump, but for some reason, the people around him, they keep on talking to me. To find out what they tell me, listen to Fire and Fury, the podcast, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.