"Amy Schumer"

Hey guys, listen, I'm getting the sense that the listener really wants to get into the episode.

Yeah, they just want to jump right in. Yeah.

Anything you'd like to say before we get into the matter?

Yeah, get it out now.

Forever. hold your peace, because we're about to jump in.

No, I got, uh, I'm good. I'm good. I'm here.

We're going to get your pod on. Yeah.

Well, let's jump into it.

Let's pop the shit out of this. Yeah, let's pop it. Here we go. Here we go. Welcome to Smart List.

Smart List.

List.

Smart.

List.

Smart.

List. So, uh, Sean was asking me before we came on, I decided to save it for, uh, for the PCAST. Yeah. Uh, I was at the, uh, Emmys recently. Right.

Yeah.

And, and she's like, what do you, what do you mean? She said, well, you know, instead of the awards, gal, walking it out there, the trophy gal, you do want to walk the award out there? And she's like, uh, sure. So Franny ended up walking out on stage, um, with me, with the award in her hand, and handed it to, to the, to the winner, there.

And stole the show. Cause, she looked gorgeous.

Well, she didn't steal the show, but it was very cool that we were like on stage together at the Emmy. Like when, when's that ever?

I know. That's really cool.

We, we were, we were with, uh, your wife, Amanda, and Sean and I were there with Scotty and with some friends. and, um, Amanda and I can, I think I can say Amanda and I are dating now. Wait, hang on. Yeah, we can say that.

Yeah, you can say, you don't have to hold that.

I'd love it if you said it to me first, privately.

You walked out, you walked out with, and then, and you were there with Franny, and we're like, oh my God, it's Franny. And we were like rewinding to see, like we kept sort of rewinding.

The camera didn't catch her too great, but I, we looked at it.

The camera didn't catch her great enough, but it was so sweet.

We looked out into the, we looked out into the crowd and there's, uh, uh, uh, Kimmel and, and Molly, uh, sitting right on the aisle. You could see the shot. They were like, oh my God, that's Franny. They, like, pulled out their iPhones and took some pictures.

Isn't that sweet?

But it was wild. Right when you walked out to present, I looked over to your other beautiful, gorgeous, amazing daughter, Maple. And I, I looked at her and she was like staring at the screen with a big smile on her face. She didn't have to say anything. I was like, what's going on in her head?

So cool. So cute.

It was, it was really, really sweet. And, uh, I will say Mape has, I don't know what's happened. It's almost like since Christmas and it's not, not been that long, seems so much older now.

Yeah.

Like in the last two weeks, I haven't seen her in two weeks before the other night.

We bought her some growth hormone for Christmas.

Oh, that's nice.

How do you, how do you, and how do you, uh, it's a cream.

It's a cream. I remember you saying you were like, we're going to take her to this Institute in the Alps. You guys went to Switzerland. Yeah.

Well, you gotta do it outside of the country. It's just, it's too experimental right now, but yeah, she's really growing four inches since Christmas.

No, it's really sweet.

It's really sweet.

I love her. Um, all right. Well, thank you for the family indulgence there. Do you want to get to our guests, or do you guys have, I do, I just want to, can I just?

ask you a quick question?

Yeah. Capricorn. Does that do it? Yeah.

Well, that's part of it. Um, do Capricorns wear their, um, headphones over their hoodie? Cause? that's what I want to know.

What is the deal? Chili in the house here. Hold on.

It's right.

Oh, it's Sean.

Oh, look at that.

Jason just took off his hoodie.

By the way, Jason, your hair. So I will say this. The other thing I loved about, and I said it at the time when we were all watching that I, and Sean, you can back me up. You came out, you presented, you did your little bit, you referenced the photo. It was the perfect, I was like, that's how you present.

Yeah. Lewis put his hands on me earlier and it was not, I mean, like, come on, man.

But you, you came out, you look great, and then you just did your bit. It was funny. And then you, and I don't know, there was something really classy and simple about it.

I love that. It was, it was great. You didn't try too hard. It was great.

Not just because you're my friend.

This was one of the best parts, though. One of our friends, that you, that we all know that we were sitting, I was sitting next to, they start playing the theme to the Will and Grace program and she leans over to me and she goes, what song is this?

She's a funny one. She should go into comedy.

It's the theme to my show that I was on. Yeah. Yeah.

Listen to her. Her name rhymes with Bennifer Ganniston, um, but we're not going to tell you, she goes,

she goes, what song is that? I go, that's from my show. Yeah.

And she was like, you're an, you're an actor. I remember hearing her just, you're an actor.

I love how Fred, you know, cause. Franny and Maple have grown up with Jensen since they were little kids. They thought that she, uh, just sold that she was a water salesman and a, uh, and a shampoo salesman until about five or six years ago. Um, she, they just didn't know. Yeah.

I remember, Nash came over for like in the, before Christmas and he thought, um, he thought that Jen's was, uh, house was a really nice restaurant.

How do we always have this restaurant rented out?

He's like, I like that.

We can always get a table.

It's not a restaurant.

Guys, today I've got for you a big brain. I know you like it when we have folks on the show that can fill us in on, you know, all the things we have trouble figuring out. people that can make us smarter. Right? After all, it's called smart list.

We have a long way to go on that. We don't know anything.

Now they might not be our most entertaining guests or the funniest, but they are important to hear. And sometimes you just have to take him to the medicine. So today we've got your set person. So settle in. All right.

academic guy. I got it. I got to say.

You look so sad.

He does. That's his resting sad face. Can I just say I'm a little disappointed, Amy, because you were going to be my guest a long time ago.

Yeah. I'd be in.

And then Bateman stole you from out under.

That's it. Often happens on the show. I actually just, uh, texted our producer the other day, a couple of names and he's like, in process. And I was like, Oh, okay. Somebody else got it.

Can I just say this is my first actual first time that two men have ever fought over me.

and I just want to relish it for a second. Really? Yeah.

Two and a half.

I'm a half. Amy, I'm such a huge fan. I've never met you before. I've always felt like, God, I just love you.

I just love you.

I've never met.

What is your problem? What's your problem? I can hear all of you. I'm thrilled to be here to promote my lectures, my lectures.

Oh, I thought you were going right into a plug for your new project.

Oh my gosh. No, I'm done. Did I tell you? I just, I just left the business, so. You did?

What are you going to do?

I'm just going to be like a fit model, I guess.

You might as well.

Hello? You.

No, no, we're still here. Oh, okay.

What do I explain that incredibly gorgeous background you've got there?

Now look at that. This is my first. Is that a house? This is honestly my first time. anybody's ever like seen the back of my thing.

I'll say that better. You got another chance to say that.

Okay, okay.

I'm still rolling.

I haven't podcasted from this room ever, so this is my first exposure and I didn't think it through. And this is my office. This is my office.

That looks real tasteful.

Yeah. It's not good.

It's not good. No, it's good.

Is it a home office? Are we talking to you from a home office?

Yes. This is my home office according to my taxes, and, um, I don't want to get you in trouble.

with the IRS. But now that's not my goal.

Yeah, no, this is my, this is a, this is my little home office. It's not big, but it's mine. And, as you can see, I started color coding my books and then I stopped.

Yeah. It's exhausting.

My book. I'm sorry.

My book. Sean color coded his books. Right. And it took, like better part of 15 seconds.

Yeah. Well, it's not worse than my book.

Well, they're all children's books. They're all children's books, or, you know, um, but, but, but a lot of people have home offices. Do you actually sit there and work from your home office?

Uh, I haven't much. That's why. I mean, this is truly my first podcast from here. Um, so, I feel exposed, I feel humiliated. I just am realizing I left this door open and you can see, um, a sad pile of stuffed animals.

I can see your tasteful windows and couch and rugs and like, I will say that, Amy, those,

that pile of stuffed animals, it does look like it's from a horror film.

I will just say, if you saw these, do you want to, if you saw these things up, up close, you would really question the rest of this interview. It's really, really terrifying. Should I, should I grab them? I mean, and, and I wanted to say of all regrets, which is of course doing this podcast at all, but mostly not wearing a bra.

Okay.

And I'm going to just kind of, I've got one on.

Okay. Good. Okay.

Um, now, uh, Amy, what about working from home? What does, what, does, what does work look like for you? I mean, and I'm not, I'm not being, um, a shitty, I would, how does, how does a stand up, uh, or, well, you're, you're beyond that. You're more than that. But when you're doing standup work, this is the part that interests me.

I don't do, I don't, I don't really write. I think I used to write, I now just will say something, you know, to a friend or my husband or my son, I'll go, is that funny? And then I read it down and then I, yeah, I, I don't, I've never had the discipline to sit and write. I sit and write scripts in bed. Like I sit up in bed and I mostly write in bed.

But when you say in here, do you mean this planet or are you talking about your office?

But when you're up on stage, you're not riffing off of bullet points, are you?

No, no, that's from like, you know, try, I'll have a premise and I'll kind of just say the premise on stage, at the comedy cell or something, and then just work it out and you know, yeah.

So, so let me ask you about that, about the comedy cellar and all that kind of stuff. So for you, now, you're, you're an established comedy star, but you'd still have to do, you still go and you work stuff out. I mean, just talk to, tell, you know, Tracy, what that, what that process is like for you. Tracy is Sean's sister.

Tracy Morgan.

Tracy Morgan. Okay.

He's a listener.

Cause he's not doing that. But what do you, um, what, what is that like for you? So you're, you're talking to your husband, your friends or whatever, and then you end up having some material. You're like, all right, I've got, I've got like a bunch of stuff. And then you go, what, you're like, it's a Thursday night, like tonight, and you go like, I'm going to put the kids to bed and I'm going to go to the comedy cellar at 10 o'clock and just show them.

I only have one kid, but you're like one of my best friends, so you know that. I know.

I mean, I say kids, cause I'm trying to shame you. Do you,

Cause. Jason asked me one time, like very rudely, about, cause I had, I actually had my uterus.

removed, and is that true?

But I, and he was like, did you save it? And I was like, I actually did save it. I like, had it bronzed, you know, because of how difficult my pregnancy was. And I can't believe I didn't even think of this, but I get the chance to show this to you.

No way. It's pretty good.

It's not my sun whites on my pants when I get up. Okay. This is my uterus.

Is that really it?

Oh my God. Oh my God.

Can you pull it closer to the camera? That's crazy.

Okay. So I take my joke back. I take my joke back cause I had, I literally had zero idea.

No, it's fine. It's fine. Time's up. Honestly, time's up for you.

Check your email, Will. Yeah.

How are you tweeting? I didn't even see you leave the screen.

How are you?

Um, I am. I do apologize. I had zero idea, obviously.

It's all good.

What I want to know is, so you write down your joke ideas, it's a Thursday night, you put your son to bed and then you go, honey, I'm going to go to the comedy central at 10 PM. I'm just going to walk over there or you show up, or how does that work? Like, how do you go and just work stuff out?

So I would. usually, I really haven't been, I've been doing other stuff, but I would, I would, yeah, I would say like, I would actually say I'm going to do a like surprise show at the cellar and I would go and do like, you know, however much time I have 45 minutes or something and just try new stuff. And it's like, I do, like day shows. So the audience doesn't feel too bad. It's like 4 PM.

That's a great idea. Yeah. That's a great idea.

And it's like, just like, I'm like, seriously, you know, you hear about comedians like Joan Rivers or Rickles and they would be doing like some casino show at like 11 AM and you're like what? And now that's like me. Yeah. That's like my dream is just to get home.

This seems stupid, but, like you, call them in advance and go, Hey, it's Amy Schumer. I'm showing up at 4 PM and I'm going to do an hour or no, you just show up.

Well, no, I just like text, Liz, the manager, Estee, the booker. And I say, is today a good day for me to come and do? And they would write like secret girl show and Liz would post a picture of her pug. And that really means it's me. And some people know that.

I'd be right there.

I can't imagine. Lunchtime comedy.

Yeah. But that's how, you know, and then you, I work it out and I, you know, I take out the stuff. that's bombing, like everything on this podcast so far, and no, no, no, it's fine.

What about, what about, I'm just vulnerable.

Whoa.

You just shut the fuck up. Well, uh, we'll see what, uh, the, the, your son, uh, we'll, we'll mention your son. It reminded me of, uh, what, okay. So guys, I have a daughter, her, no, her son's name is Jean. Okay.

Gina.

Yeah.

Gina.

So she changed it cause she thought it might sound like genital.

See, see, Sean didn't put it together like me as a new mom until it was a month in. And then I realized, and my husband's last name is Fisher. So I named him genital fissure. Genital fissure. I got to be funny.

So she did a little switcheroo on that. We had, we had the same thing with maple. We, we, uh, uh, maple, Sylvie Bateman. Um, and, and she, she, and one of her, her friends, older sisters, uh, said, wait, maple, syrup, bacon. And we're like, oh shit, we got to go downtown and we got to change that.

Is that the same as naming your kid after, like cock and balls?

Yeah.

Well, what about this? What about Amy? What about his middle name? Nate? Nate.

That would have been perfect.

We changed it to David. We played it safe. He sounds like a lawyer.

Smart. Um, all right. Now, Amy.

Yes.

What was your first introduction to stand up? Why did you get started in that world? Is mom or dad funny? Did they take you to comedy shops? Like what, why, why that?

Actually, we did watch a lot of comedy. Um, I grew up watching you. Just kidding. Don't you hate when people say that? Cause I'm like your age.

Were they show? Were your parents in entertainment?

No. My mom's a speech and hearing therapist for the deaf and my dad sold baby furniture.

Um, did he make the baby furniture?

No. He, just, he, he, they imported it from Europe, from Italy. So parents who wanted fancy baby furniture for some furniture, not the babies. Yeah. We did not import the babies.

Yeah.

And we will be right back.

And now back to the show.

What was that first time, Amy, that first time you were on stage? I just, I'm asking, just because I, I've never had the balls to do any sort of standup or monologue type of thing. I mean, I did once with Willie at, uh, at UCB, but it was, I have total blackout cause I was so nervous, but I can't imagine even do a toast toast.

I was 23,, which means I've been doing standup for 20 years. No, I'm 42. Nevermind.

Um, where, where were you? Where was this? Was it like a college?

It was a Gotham, the old Gotham comedy club. I had done, um, and I was like, I did one of those improv groups that you like pay to be in, like just a straight up hustle from backstage, uh, you know, that paper. and, uh, yeah, it was like, you know, um, $50 to like go to a freezing theater and meet, like other mentally ill people. And, uh, and one of the, um, women in it was like, I'm doing a show, Gotham. And I watched her and I just thought like, I could, I could maybe do this.

That's how you get up on stage is if you brought four people to pick up like that.

Yeah. Really?

So it's like amateur night, but you've got to have four people to, okay. Yeah.

So you can get, you can actually get in front of real audience. It's not just like right to open mics, because, um, you know, and, and generally a real audience will laugh at some point because they feel bad for you.

Did you trust that the stuff that you worked on was working?

I mean, no, I, I, I decided that day. That I was going to do it. Wow.

And I had no, no material.

No. I wrote out a set. Like I just came up with like, what would, you know, fuck me.

What was your first joke? This is fascinating.

It was about how skywriting is a stupid way to get engaged, because it's so sad. It's like I had, and I talked about taking the crosstown bus in Manhattan and like, it.

was just like, you trusted your ability to just kind of riff on stuff. And, and, and that there would be a shared sort of experience with, yeah.

And it went well enough. I think this is a lot of comedians experience that your first time you do really well. And then the second time you die on stage, what if it hadn't gone well?

Do you think you would have said, okay, screw this. And if so, where do you think you would have gone? career wise? What, what, what are you, what are you drawn to?

Oh, my gosh. I was always going to just perform. Like I never had a thing. Like I went to college for theater and, uh, had no goals, had no backup. I waited tables and bartended for a long time.

Do you miss theater?

I got to do a Broadway show.

Oh, what'd you do?

I did a Steve Martin play called meteor shower.

Oh yeah.

Oh, I'm Sean's awake.

Yeah.

Oh yeah. Is that what you got the Tony nomination for?

Yes. Yes. Wow.

That's so cool, Amy.

Thank you. I saw, um, I've seen now twice prayer for the French Republic on Broadway. It's so good. You guys have to see it.

Oh yeah. I heard that's great. Yeah. Um, I used to wait tables and my one joke was I would bring the food to the, um, I was a runner. I wasn't a waiter.

Oh, story's falling apart.

Anytime. I would have to play, I would have to play.

You just come in hissing, hot shit, hot shit, hot shit.

I would come in and right before I put the food down, somebody would inevitably say, oh, that looks fantastic. And I'd point to my shirt and I'd go, thanks. I just got it.

Oh my God. Do you get any return? Do you get any repeat customers who are like, you fucking, you did that like the last three.

times. Sean, I-.

It's the fucking sweatiest joke. Please, fucking stop.

I feel like I didn't gush to you, Sean, for how funny and how much I love you.

That's okay.

My joke that I do ad nauseum and I cannot stop myself is whenever somebody, I'll order a drink, a cocktail, and when the waiter rings it over, I go, who sent this?

I do that all the time.

Damn it. Okay. That's it.

Who sent this?

What? Like a bar, restaurant, anywhere. I do that all the time.

Sean also does something that never doesn't work. He'll grab whatever clutch or purse he sees around and throw it over his shoulder and distractedly kind of look up from rifling through and go, guys, does anybody need anything from CVS? Right back.

Or anytime there's a candle, he holds it up and then guards the flame and goes, guys, right this way. I think-.

Yeah. Does anybody know where the bathroom is?

Another, a favorite one, that we do, a lot of comics I'm friends with, we'll just like, this is probably another bit everyone does, but we try to, we all act like we're going to pay the bill. We go like, no, no, I got this. And then we'll put like a MetroCard or like just something that makes no sense, you know? Or our favorite, this is my favorite bit. we would do is we would go, maybe you've heard this too.

Sean, did we already talk about this? in the past? Sean had this really funny bit where he and his friend went on a trip once and they had to borrow a fan because he needs, Sean needs a fan in order to fall asleep and cause he loves a fan. Yeah. So we'll just grab anybody, anybody who's seen Will and Grace or whatever, but he just needs a fan.

where's my fan and where's my fan?

And the line was, where's, you could, you couldn't change anything. You could, you could do whatever you want, but you had to say, where's my fan? Yeah.

You can come in super happy and come up mad.

We did an hour on it.

Where was this? And where was I?

It was funny. It was, you had already gone home. It was after 7, 30 PM. So you'd already gone to bed. I don't know where you were, JB, cause Amanda was there.

So you come in. So, Amy, you come in and you do this, you go, so you come in and you go, uh, Hey guys. So, uh, we're going to start the day, uh, for four through six has a real big issue with their sheets. We have to change their sheets. Where's my fan?

So fucking, and then Sean and I have started doing this bit where we go, where we go. Yeah, man. Uh, of course I know where that is. Hello. Hello.

Oh, why is it so fun?

We're dumb. It's so stupid.

So dumb.

Speaking of dumb, what happens when you get some real dumb ass lippy audience member that wants to just start talking to you or commenting on your joke or, at worst, you know, heckling or something like that. You got any, like anything ever go really sideways? It's sort of a Sean Hayes question. You ever punch anybody from stage?

Get down, walk down into the stands, and I have never physically assaulted anybody in the audience.

Um, we're not lawyers.

Oh, all right.

It was. Okay.

Look, it was one time fucking, uh, yeah, no, I, I have like some YouTube videos. Showing me with hecklers over the years.

Oh, really?

Yeah. Yeah. I, you know, it's like every comic, I think is because they had, like a bad, you know, labor, childhood experience. Yeah. Just trauma, trauma.

it.

That's the thing you've got to avoid. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm guessing, right? You can't, can't, don't make the audience tight or tense, or the best thing I've seen.

is just to diffuse it. Honestly, like, I think that's the pro move. They go like, you suck. You go like, thanks, dad. Or, you know, like whatever, just try to keep the show moving.

Sean, are you crying?

A little bit.

Why?

Uh, when you're not doing it, Aime, do you, do you, I cut everybody's name short.

I love it. I love it.

When you're not doing it, do you miss it? Do you crave it? Do you crave going back on when you're not like on tour or not doing it?

Um, yeah, I do. I, I really miss it. I mean, it's, it's hard because it's like, you know, within your family, like no one like is interested in your career, you know?

Or your jokes. No.

And so it's like to, to go on stage, like if I went to the cellar right now, I would go up and I would get a long applause and people would be excited to see me. And I just can't really get used to that. because then, you know, you, you, you start thinking that they're right. And like, why is it, you know, are, am I important in my, in my household? And, you know, as you all know, you're not.

Yeah. No, nothing. The last person to give up anything for me is inside my house.

Of course. So it's like, yeah, you know?

Same.

Yeah.

So it's, uh, well, what about, so you might miss that.

I'm a real hit. I'm a real hit at home, to be honest.

Is that true? I don't see that for you. That's fine.

He does pretty well. Why not?

Why don't you see that for me? I don't know.

Let's just keep the conversation moving.

Okay. But I just, uh, but I do say, you know, what's funny is, is I, no, I, I totally hear that in, in, because it's not real and it's outsized, uh, uh, for, you know, from your real life, meaning, meaning that we, we all, have our relationships with our family, et cetera, et. And then you go on stage where you interact with fans, and that kind of adulation is not, is not normal. Right. But I will also say that people, you know, people say like, oh, you like people who like you.

What's wrong with that? Right.

Of course I do. The fuck, are you talking about?

Will on Sunday was making me pee my pant. My stomach hurts so bad from laughing. And I turned to Alessandra, um, his baby mama and I turned to Alessandra and I go, God, it never, I'm crying, laughing. I go, it just doesn't stop. And she goes from 6am till bedtime.

Yeah. This is while she was cleaning her gun, or was she loading it?

I love the process.

I like, you know, I know. This interview is over.

No, I know. I know.

I know. I hate myself. That word's okay. Okay.

I'm allowed to say process? Okay.

Don't say storyteller. Okay.

I will not. I will not. I will not. Yeah, just to have the, just to be so honored to just be part of telling, we're storytellers.

Oh, fucking, that's fucking it!

Um, no, I, uh, I love a writer's room. Like, I love collaborating. I love, like, you know.

How do you like directing? You've been doing that too. Do you like that sort of collaborative process?

I love it. I was, you know, you know, I was doing it before. I was credited to do it. So, you know, it's like, that's the truth. So, yeah, and I love doing it with, um, with, like, my crew.

Yeah, as opposed to, there, was sort of that solo thing of being on stage. It's a completely different thing, right? But you love it just as much, huh?

Yeah, it's isolating.

And then, what about the writing process of, um, of, uh, of scripts versus stand-up stuff? So, you're in your bit. Like, like, writing Trainwreck, for instance, which, by the way, is one of my favorite movies of all time. I love it. Thank you.

It was totally fun. Yeah. And it was completely worth it and amazing. And I, I was like afraid of becoming famous, but it's been okay.

I, I loved it. And I also think.

No, I mean being famous.

I think you're a great famous person, by the way. Really? Yeah, I like the way, I like the way you, no, I do like the way you treat fame. You, you're very unprecious about it. You're very humble about it.

Well, you're very honest. Thank you. You're, you're, you're, you're very sort of open and transparent and very honest about how you feel about stuff. And so you're not held captive by it. Sometimes people can be so nervous about losing it or presenting the right way or whatever.

That's a prop uterus, by the way. That's not actually my uterus.

Okay, okay.

That means a lot. I can't believe. I just backed myself into these compliments.

No, but it's true.

Sean, did you want to add anything?

Sean, I actually had a question about that. I had a question about that.

Sean doesn't agree. There's not really time for questions, but okay.

Sean's been very vocal about that. he does not, like, throw fame on you.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, you said, Sean has famously quoted, women aren't funny. Yeah. You know?

Famously.

Yeah. It is, it is what it is.

He, he, by the way, he pre-made his gravestone to say that. That's all. And he had it made years ago. It's waiting for him to die.

But he's sleep, you already sleep under it, which I think was a strange choice, but. I will.

Sean's trying to get acclimated.

You know, that's what they say.

Do you think, Amy, will women ever be funny?

No, no. It's just, it's not.

It's Sean's question. It's Sean's question.

Okay, Sean, thank you for that question.

I just texted Will that question. No, Amy, my question was about that, though. I was just starting to write down a question about how open you are, how, about being body positive. You seem to always be on the right side of every issue. At least I'm, I follow you on Instagram and I'm like, yes, yes.

And thank you for your support.

Yes.

Oh God.

About. every time you post something about an opinion, or I agree with it, and it's, I love your voice, basically. Thank you. So when did you ever, were you ever not like that? And was there a defining moment when you're like, you know what?

Um, no, I'm on the couch, as you know, like that's for me. I'm in the bed, but no, I was always like this. I was always open in my yap and couldn't really, yeah. I didn't know what it meant to be a feminist. Like, well, um, it just means like thinking of women equally, you know?

But, but, but, but you, but at some point you didn't care what people there, was there a shift?

No, everybody, everyone, always, I care what people think, you know, it's like, no, what kind of an actual sociopath doesn't care.

Right. Well, that's kind of my point. It's not that you don't care what people think. It's that you're willing to risk saying what you believe in and be honest and no matter what people think. And, of course, as human beings, we all take that shit on and I don't care who you are.

Well, thank you.

Sean doesn't say fuck all, I wish he would, but he doesn't take a position on fucking anything. You know what Sean's big, you know what Sean's big cause is? You know what. he made a big position last year? He said that a G550 was way better than a G5..

Yeah, that was you, right. That was you.

No, I think that's, that was a good sword to fall on, Sean. That was brave. That was brave.

We'll be right back.

Was your, was your, is your cousin, Chuck Schumer helpful in sort of- Your son, Chuck Schumer. No sh-. Yeah. The great Senator Chuck Schumer, was he-.

Fuck, I got a Wikipedia of you. My baby boy.

I've got to Google you right now.

Is he helpful at all in sort of navigating that, that place of like, you know, you can care what people think, but it's okay to bake in the fact that some people are not going to like what you think, and that shouldn't prevent you from, you know, in his case, enacting legislation that serves, you know, a lot more than some and-.

We've never talked about it, actually. No? He very much is with me, like, how, like, you know, calls on like Jean's birthday and whatever. We, we have like talked about, you know, things over the years, but we've never talked about the hate that comes with it. I think, I think the way he feels, I'm just projecting is how I feel where it feels like more of an opportunity to, to like help than, than like, you know, the responsibility to use my voice.

Yeah, utilizing the platform. It is like, I would be so tempted. It's like, Will, you're, you know, buddies with Shanahan, you know, runs the Toronto Maple Leafs. I don't know how you're able to avoid calling him every day with an idea for a new player. Like, I would be calling Senator Chuck Schumer every day with an idea for how we can make this world better.

I tell him about the Maple Leafs, actually. I call him- You do? That's the advice I give him.

Schumer's got ideas about Colton.

Oh my God, I can't even stand up. I can't stand up right now.

Did you just ejaculate without an erection?

Is it apparent? Wait, is it true that his name is Chuck? It was never Charles. He was born, it's just Chuck Schumer?

No, his name is Charles.

Okay. I'm going to cross that off.

Yeah, his name is Charles.

What websites are you on?

Yeah, wait a minute. Did you just-.

Well, during the plandemic, I- Fuck, sorry guys.

Oh, wow. He used to play stickball with my dad. Like, he's, just like a sweet, like a Brooklyn dude. Is that true? Yeah.

So what is that? Is your whole family very sort of involved? I mean, obviously he's-. But is your whole family very much involved in, I don't know, or have they always been involved in politics, or is he an outlier?

Yeah, he's the only one. My family, but it's cool. I did that show, Finding Your Roots. Did you guys ever do that?

I haven't yet.

I did. Who Do You Think You Are? Oh, okay.

I found out my family, like, you know, when they came. they were, like, early garment workers on the Lower East Side and, like, reforming workers' unions and that kind of stuff. So, you know, they were, like, in that way, political. But no, nobody else is, like, you know, sort of in office.

How far back did your research go?

Yeah, where did it go to?

Where did they-.

It went 1500s. Really? Wow. I guess it's not- Is that that-, I mean, for Europe they're, like, oh, great. But, you know, for us it's, like, wow.

Anything super interesting or stuff you didn't want to hear?

Where were they? Like, where did they go back to?

We were in what would now be considered Ukraine.

Yeah.

Viznitz is the town for the Jewish side. And then the other side was London.

Are they part of the Arnett tribe?

Yeah. Yeah, no, this is really true. And then- so, like, 30 years later, my family made enough to, like, go and try and rescue them. Wow. And when they got up there- this is so- I'm serious.

They became Colonel Kurtz.

Yeah. So that's kind of wild.

That's- that is fucking crazy.

No way. Wow.

So did they stay in Canada running the tribe or whatever?

Yeah. And I reached out after that show and I reached out and I'm- and I'm in touch with, you know, some distant cousins now.

Oh, that's wild.

Because of that show, yeah. And then I do have a-.

You're like, fucking. never call here again, eh? Fucking-.

We're good. I mean, seriously. Like, wasn't that Danny McBride's thing in some movie? Like, that's really what happened with my family. Which, you know, I do come from a long line of people who are, you know, fighters and, you know, just- I have like Holocaust survivors in my family, so.

Wow. Unbelievable. Sean, what about your family?

When I did my- Lisa Kudrow produces a show called Who Do You Think You Are? And so I did it and I- It was, you know, I had to go to Ireland and learn about all my Irish ancestors. And for the most part, they were all drunk and disorderly and in jail.

Really?

Yeah. It was pretty wild.

Wait, so you're saying your whole family, they were all in jail and they were all what?

Like, drunk and disorderly, and got arrested over and over again.

They were drinking in Ireland?

That's fun. Did you get to read any of the charges? Like, was it-, were there specific charges in the paper?

There was one in the paper in like the middle 1800s or late 1800s. And there was a little article in the paper that he had some- my great-great-grandfather-grandfather, great-great-great-grandfather, I don't remember, had some like sarcastic quip to the courtroom. Like, I don't remember what it was, but it was funny.

Oh, and you know what I wanted to say? Yeah. And just to piggyback off that,

I hate to do this, but I love to do this too. Do you have any funny theater stories from Meteor Shower? Oh my god. Like, anything that went wrong or just like, oh my god, one night, this horrible thing.

Okay, this lets you know about my behavior a little bit. Yeah. You know, they film one of the nights of the Broadway show for the Performing Arts Library up in Lincoln Center. And so the night they were filming us, I had like a monologue in the middle of the show and someone in the front row took out, as they sell in most Broadway shows, peanut M&Ms. And they're sitting, you know, five feet away from me and they open up the M&Ms and they start eating them and I'm trying to get through my mouth.

Wow.

Did they just freeze chewing?

It was this young guy and he gave me a look like, like you're right. You know, like this wasn't a good- this wasn't good timing. We just, you know, carried on. It wasn't a very serious play.

That's really funny. I had the same thing. I mean, I was doing a one man show called An Act of God, where I was playing God. Long story. But anyway, in the front row, swear to God, same thing.

They really don't know that.

This is a live show and there's the fourth wall that is not there.

Well, Seeing Prayer for the French Republic, it's like, it was an amazing play. And, you know, a lot of the audience for Broadway shows are, you know, 90 and above. And you can hear the play, but you can also hear it through the hearing aids.

Right.

And they go, it's not working. You know, so Broadway.

What about hosting the Oscars? Anything that we didn't see? that went no good?

I think you saw it. I think you saw the sort of headline on that night.

I apologize. I'm not remembering anything specific. Are you referencing something? I should know?

Oh, okay. There was like a little bit of a disagreement between-. Do you know, have you heard of Will Smith?

Oh, yes. Yes, yes.

Okay, he's an actor and- Yes. Yeah, and so he got into like a little thing with another comedian. I can't remember his name.

Yeah, I remember us all being really knocked out by that, no pun intended. Yeah, yeah.

Can I just say, this is kind of out there, but I'm just going to say it. I was surprised.

Yeah, I think everyone except one was.

Fuck, I can't believe you went out on that limb.

No, I don't want to be, you know, this will be the pull quote, but I was taken aback.

Fuck.

Dude, you and your controversial positions, it never stops. I'll say it.

Was it a fun experience aside from that, or was the whole thing just kind of drowned out by it?

No, it was totally fun. It was totally fun. It was like, I just wanted to do it, you know, and doing it with Regina and Wanda was so fun. Like, I love preparing jokes. When somebody else is going to host something, I love helping them with jokes and putting on a show.

Yeah, I hope they do that again, you know. Have they done three before?

No, but.

I don't think so right now.

Yeah, but, you know, when it's women, they've paid us all together the same as one man. No. No, I'm just kidding.

Who knows?

You're going to have to tell us. You should do it again.

You would never do that?

I don't know. I mean, like earlier. we were saying, I just don't know if I would be able to survive, that. I'm just not great in front of a live audience being myself.

Really? Don't you guys do this show in front of live audiences a lot?

No, this is just us. No.

No, we have. No, you have. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll write that. Yeah, well, it wasn't comfortable. I mean, I had a good time, but that's very nerve wracking for me.

Yeah, well, and when you asked me to do the show, the timing just didn't work out with the road, but I was so honored. You guys are all the funniest people ever. Everyone I know loves this. No, they all love the show. I know nobody likes compliments, but I love the show.

I saw you at our mutual friend Jane's house.

Yes.

Sweet Jane Buffett. Sweet, sweet Jane.

Wow.

An empty glove. Yeah.

You know what I mean? And I know I have very sort of old-fashioned images, but anyway, I'm now over it. But royalty. I'm just glad you're here.

Very royal metaphors.

I'm very regal. You didn't ask me about my lineage, and I didn't want to do it because I don't want to sit here and fucking make everybody feel bad.

Oh, my God.

Are you okay? Canadian royalty.

No, what's going on? Are you descended from somebody? Maybe. Wow. Wayne Gretzky?

Wayne Gretzky.

Amy, all the accomplishments you've had and everything that you've succeeded in all these years, is there something you haven't reached yet?

Is there something you'd like to bury right now from your high position?

My uterus.

Oh, for fuck's sake. I'm sorry.