“Jimmy Kimmel: LIVE in Los Angeles”

Testing, testing, testing, testing, testing, testing.

Hot? is it hot?

One, two.

dove ivory and.

Okay, so quick, quick, quick. name name three problems with dental problems. go name three dental problems.

Oh, you've got a cavity and you've got a punch in the mouth.

Quick, the birds, the dinosaurs. Okay, Oh.

Listen, let's just forget this. Let's just get down to what we came here to do the last show.

Oh man here. Yes,

Look at this.

You guys, it's our last.

This guy owns a place. already. see ya, this guy owns a place. He's looking to bust some heads. Yeah,

Um, we're. we're so excited that you guys wasted your money to come here tonight. a lot of money.

Yeah, right. We're gonna try to put full dollar value in it. Yeah, We've got a pretty good guest. Not, not great. Not great.

Yeah,

Oh, we've been on. we've been on the road for the last couple weeks and we went all over the country. We started in DC and then we went to Boston and we went to New York and Chicago and Madison, Wisconsin.

we.

We had an incredible special appearance by by my sister Tracy.

We're gonna sit down the show. you get there. It's your guest? Yeah, I don't care.

Since Conan, right? Oh, wow. Yeah, all the way back to Boston. Yeah. Thank you.

Oh, What's your favorite color? So I know they know they know. All right, so wait, I, I, I, You know people so nice to come backstage and they say nice things all through this whole tour. sometimes I do think I have a little bit of face blindness, of undiagnosed face blindness, because sometimes I really truly don't recognize people and I make an ass out of myself. and So a quick story.

You look so that's gayer. That's.

Oh, and another one, this is why I think I have it, because another one. during will and grace, remember Tracy Lord's, the porn star.

Sure. No.

so she. she Ventured into, you know, talking parts and acting, you know, like she talked quite a bit. So she, you know, I, I don't, I didn't know. So she became. she came on as a guest star and will and grace and I'm such an idiot.

What else? what are you happy to be done with the tour? both of you? Yeah. Well, I'm happy and sad, huh?

I'm happy and sad. What's the happy part? The happy part is that of the happy part is the you get to rest for a second.

Cuz, he's going. Oh, he's, Sean is about to go on the road for seven months to go do a play like tomorrow. And he's been doing all of this for his final week. Yeah, before yeah.

Thank you, thank you.

Anybody here? see promises?

No, that's very nice of you to say. it's called goodnight Oscar. It opens at the Goodman Theatre in Chicago and then Broadway after that. So, but That's nice to say no. I'm happy because I feel like it was a success.

We didn't. we didn't know what. we still don't know what the hell we're doing and would To think that people would be in, engaged and entertained for a half hour or full hour with us talking Is is stunning and we might be blowing it right now. We're doing so good up to here. I know it went really black out.

I have one more embarrassing face blindness story. Yeah, of course. So I. I went double back. I went.

It was pretty bad. we're getting old. we're getting old and the brain starts to go. you guys are, I don't have any. yeah, You still play you still?

You play, you'll play like 35 to 30, right? You really do. I Don't make the rules, dude.

You have no socks on or do you have those weird sort of hide This, the socks that that just hide in the bottom of the shoe like oh, no, seems. Yeah.

They've got those little things in there. I'm into dude. Well, it looks like. I feel it looks like a high.

But they have those little like temporary socks for everybody and it's not a good look for men.

Yeah, they got to go without socks. or put, who likes the no socks. Look anybody.

That was like 20 people. Good for you. I can't pull that off. Good for you. It's just, it's a.

Let's look. It looks like a pump, feels like sneaker. Um, I.

Don't know the reference.

It was a commercial where women are playing basketball on their high heels.

We have a lot of fun together. We have a lot of fun with you guys, knowing that you guys are having fun with us.

That's true story. Thanks for listening to our garbage.

Truly, we really mean it when we say we can't believe it, We're truly humbled and that you want to, in you know, Get involved with us and and laugh and at all the stupid shit we talked about, Because that's what we do all the time And we're really happy to be back here with you guys, with our family and friends, a lot of whom are here tonight. Yeah, and so we wanted yeah, and we wanted to do a show back here in our hometown. We wanted to do a show that really was representative of how great we feel and how grateful we are for you guys and for Our friends. So, with that in mind, our guest tonight is someone that we all Hold dear to our hearts and we love very much. He's just the funniest.

I'll sleep. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, oh, hey, now.

Thanks, Jimmy Kimmel, I appreciate it.

Hi guys, you know, I mean this guy. this guy knows how to do it. we got, we got it.

We got to get some point. I feel like that. I mean that was a really nice intro, I am. don't think I don't appreciate it. I do appreciate it, but it did feel a little bit Like when, like somebody's inviting their cousin to your house.

Don't be an asshole. the truth is is that We mean it. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, we love you and you're just.

And I have to say this is very exciting for me, because I've never seen Jason up this late And, by the way, if it's a point during the podcast, he just gets up and leaves. don't be surprised. Yeah, yeah, yeah, every single time scale makes no bones about it too, right?

He'll just get up and leave and he and Amanda will often come to dinner, or whatever. We all know, in separate cars. Yeah, so that he's got an. he's got an escape. pod night.

Yeah, sure. He lied to me last night, but it's funny that this is the big surprise. I saw you guys last night. I'm gonna see you again tomorrow, Another day. great merch, by the way, oh so great.

Don't listen. we keychains, by the way, get it. Guess whose idea the key?

Yeah, they were Hang on a second. I may have said, now it's coming back. I'm here said key fob. That's like a mo.

We're like I have a Toyota Highlander. I need a.

I'm gonna destroy my marriage and cheat on my wife key fob. Like what is that? Wait, wait, what's happening?

I pulled abatement. So I missed you. I gotta be, sir. I was sick.

Honestly, I was surprised that you guys weren't there and I thought wow, This is really shitty of Jimmy and Molly not to be here. He took off before even I was tired. We came late.

It was. it was, it was a dinner back. So did you wait?

But, Jason, when you were, I was walking in and then, moments later, you were leaving.

I heard you were there.

You said and correct me if I misunderstood this, because I was trying to figure this out with my wife You said I said you're leaving, obviously, and you said yeah, I said, is Amanda your wife going with you? and you said, yeah, we rode together and Then you left and then about 45 minutes later. There was Amanda.

Stage of the gummy.

No, I just I don't know what I'm saying when I'm leaving, because I'm just trying to get the hell out of there. Yeah, but and and not and not. be like the dick that's saying goodbye and reckon the, reckon the thing.

I learned that from you, though. By the way, what time did you get there last night late? I got, sorry, guys.

We'll be right with you. Yeah.

Jimmy, I got. oh, you have mugs too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Buy all this so you want? so, Jimmy, you were one of you were on our show quite early on, not as early as you should have been, Which was a big bone of contention, but, as I explained, when you were on this show Yeah, the three of us, nobody knew who to add, and it became one of those like well, when are we gonna? Well, who's gonna have Jimmy? right? So it was quite late, but you were on early and you were an early.

It's called being taken for granted. Yes. Yeah.

We can always get. Jimmy. Let's take a swing at something. Yeah, but you.

You were an early listener and you were somebody who had a lot of notes I did. Yeah, This this interview of you're out here tonight. We are interviewing you, but we really want to know what you think about our podcast. Yeah, how we know. so it's kind of about us.

Well, I will be happy to share my notes and I, first of all, I love the pocket. Honestly, no kidding around, I love listening to it. It's great because I I have to say I don't think you need guests. I don't think that. thank you.

Actually, good night everybody I.

Love hearing you guys bust each other's balls. I love hearing the stories. I love, oh, I love when you guys Pretend to use the products in the commercials.

Love that, so.

You know.

Wait,

Yeah, of course, with all for him. don't be a dick.

Did you know they make mattresses now, yeah.

It's so crazy right? They're so comfortable. Which one do? which one do I have? I've got the organic hemp Stuff with hay or something in it.

You fly with your daughter over the fake chicken McNuggets. Yeah,

Did I say that? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Do you, Jimmy, I know what the truth. sorry, go ahead. Oh, yeah. No, I was gonna ask a real question.

Well, I just wanted, just just before we finish the commercial thing, It should be noted that we actually do, legit you, I'm not trying to buy back for the ad. for the ad, I'm really not, but we weirdly legitimately do use three quarters of them. I think it's fair. Yeah, we won't say which ones we do. Of course you do.

Will design these shoes On all form comm. enter smart list 20 for a 20% discount.

Hey,

Hey, they like our ad reads let me go through the rest of the show, and this is not something we have planned, But I do have some thoughts on it. Okay, one of my favorite moments in the show is right at the beginning. one of you introduces his guest and the guest is Sometimes fantastic and sometimes they're usually pretty good. You know, they're at least usually pretty good, sometimes not so great. But there is a moment where the person who brought the guest is all on board and the other two are Decided.

Attention. and there's also, if you listen carefully, there's a Google search going on. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, sure, you know, what are you gonna do? Yeah, well, you will have the formula. What is it? formula 41, formula one, just for just one, just one. Yeah, and.

Daniel Ricardo.

Yeah,

Yeah,

The word car was right in his name the whole time.

Right, done. Yeah, done. We talked about that. No.

But have you met people.

These are good people here, I mean, look at this. these people know these people are good Good save. Well, I think that was a good save. Is this? I remember you guys started this podcast, You're talking about it, and the big thing was most of the discussion was Bateman complaining about having to pay an editor to do this, and he's like, you know, we got.

I will say you brought you brought up a very good point, The, the, the fellas that make this thing fly. Yeah, you should thank right now who are here tonight. You're tonight, Rob, arm yard.

Bennett Barbeco and Michael Grant Terry.

We're.

Can't see him. You can't see him. They're here, though. They're here somewhere.

Without them. We'd have nothing. Yeah, I like that. We're like put the house on something. I say fuck you.

And we will be right back.

Nancy's love story could have been ripped right out of the pages of one of her own novels.

She was a romance mystery writer who happens to be married to a chef.

But this story didn't end with a happily ever after.

When I stepped into the kitchen, I could see that chef brofie was on the ground and I heard somebody say call 9-1-1.

As writers, we'd written our share of murder mysteries. So when suspicion turned to Dan's wife, Nancy, We weren't that surprised. the first person they look at would be the spouse.

We understand. that's usually the way they do it.

But we began to wonder Had Nancy gotten so wrapped up in her own novels? There are murders in all of the books that she was playing them out in real life. Follow happily never after Dan and Nancy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of happily never after Dan and Nancy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery bus.

Hey, it's Guy Raz here, the host of how I built this, a podcast that gives you a front-row seat to how some of the Biggest products were built and the innovators, entrepreneurs and idealists behind them. every week I speak to someone new. Stories like Justin Wolverton's, a lawyer who just wanted a healthy alternative to ice cream, so he created Halo top in his Cuisinart, or Todd Graves, who grew his fried chicken restaurant raising canes into one of the most successful fast-food chains in the u.s all of these great conversations can help you learn how to think big, take risks and Navigate crises in life, and work from people who've done all of that and more. Follow how I built this on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to how I built this early and ad-free right now on Wondery plus.

It's all a light-hearted nightmare. on our podcast morbid. We're your hosts, I'm Alina Urquhart and I'm Ash Kelly, and our show is part true crime, part spooky and part comedy. the stories We cover are well-researched. he claimed and confessed to officially killing up to 28 people with a touch of humor.

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like a liar, like a liar, and if you're a weirdo like us and love to cozy up to a creepy tale of the Paranormal, or you love to hop in the wayback machine and dissect the details of some of history's most notorious crime, You should tune in to our podcast morbid. follow morbid on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to episodes early and ad-free by joining Wondery plus and the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts.

All right back to the show.

But what about a podcast of your own? are you sick of talking to people? no, I don't need a podcast, but

This is enough. Don't you like a show where you can talk to people, though, and interview them?

It would be fun. it would be nice to you know, what I really like to do is to plug people's projects.

That's my now.

Serious when you were a kid. when you were a kid, you're like god, I could get the plug.

I wish you know what I wish. I could tell I know there's no such thing as a Netflix yet.

But if there is one one day, would you, would you? Would you guest host this? Oh?

This is the best. This is my favorite part of the show. Yeah, the very, the longest questions in the world.

Sometimes they're answered within the question. Yeah, absolutely.

And the multiple choices are not a, B, C and D. They are just a and B.

But what if?

Could we?

what about if I Hosted your show for a week while you did this for a week? then he did your show for a week. You did this like. would you do this for three weeks and we took turns? 100% of course, right?

If you'll commit to it, I think I.

Why don't we do smart list month?

Yeah, right, I would. I just you just look like you're always having so much fun really.

Look at this face. Does this look like I'm having fun?

Is he not like so comfortable up? Yeah, and it's nice to like sit there in bed late at night. You just kind of rock us to sleep and we're out.

There's.

And I would take it as a. I would feel very touched if I didn't know for a fact, that you are sound asleep.

945 every night. I got one of those Tebow's. You're right. He is a liar. Yeah, he's a liar.

And yeah, we should have known this from when you were a child actor. We really should have known it.

Now, now you've been doing it for so you've been doing your show for so long and obviously, talking about Bateman or no, you and and I've heard rumors that you're gonna be done in a year. I've heard other rumors that you're gonna do for seven more years. Like what, how, what are you feeling?

How are you feeling right here right now?

You know, it is funny how interested people in on like when I'm gonna leave already.

No, because we hope, we hope you never leave.

Yeah, that's what people say, But I think it's like like if we were at just a party right now. You guys kept asking me when I was gonna leave, right?

It would be weird, yeah.

And I feel like that all the time now.

Is it something you want to do forever? What forever your your show? Would you? would you do it for another for the same amount of time? You've been doing it?

I I want to.

Die, I want to die on stage.

On stage you want to die on live TV, wouldn't that be the best? I mean the ratings would be tremendous, the show.

I mean the show itself is pre-taped, right? So what does abc do if I die during the show? do they air? do they run that night? Yeah, of course.

Sure, and as anyone they want to see that. Yeah, they tease the hell out of it. Wait, wait, how are you dying?

um.

Massive um heart attack. sure. Yeah, your chest just explodes at the desk. Yeah, right, Yeah, I think that if you can do it during sweeps, it'd be fantastic. Oh, that would be great.

Yeah at the end of sweeps. Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

Well, what do they do?

I mean I should probably like set this up like a will, where I tell them What my wishes are right, as if I were to die on the show. I once had a an overdose of advil on the show where my head I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's possible. What's that look like? It looks like a pumpkin head. It looks like your head expands.

Did you really have a bad reaction to it?

I had a very bad reaction and the show was live at the time, And so I I started losing my voice kind of I might be having it now.

I started losing my voice.

And then my head started to swell up and by the end of the show, my head was really big. Come on, and I was introducing rick springfield. This was some time ago.

and.

I've been on a long time now that I think of it, and um, tracy doesn't even need to fill in on this, right?

She's got it. Exactly. I did it and then I went directly to senior sinai, to the hospital, to the er. Yeah, and they were like, what what did you do on us? You saw sean there.

Yeah, this is no.

You didn't know that. No. Yeah.

I. I took a friend of mine. I took a friend of mine, too.

Exactly. Sometimes we get, we have a little double date. We go to the er with our.

Friends, the cafeteria is delicious, but, uh, yeah, I was like sitting in a corner with my friend who was sick, and you were standing up there and I was Like jimmy and you're like sean. we're like what's going on? You're like, oh, I gotta go, I'm getting called in for your your warm-up guy.

Yeah, my god, my warm-up guy was having a panic attack and thought he was having a heart attack, So I had to take him to. so you took advil and you had a friend there who was a famous person. We shouldn't mention who. it was. Yeah, and they were like you will anyway.

They paid a lot of good money, sean.

This. this person was, was, was staying with me and and and I took her to the er because she was having a diverticulitis.

Yeah, right, right. Yummy. I had a chat with the nurse and I got you guys in. Yes, you did. You know what the thing great thing is true?

and.

I just you know what I did a big fan.

I looked at the room. I sized it up. I saw these bleeding guys. I was like, what are they gonna really contribute to society?

Let's get, let's get this. Yeah, this situation. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Like the back of my hand. you do Yeah, because I get here, we go. I get, uh afib, right? So, you know, an atrial fibrillation is right where your heart goes, like this

Well, because I feel like I just came up with a great nickname for sean. Is it, is it paddles? It's paddles.

I mean, come on, do they say clear like? I don't know, i'm out.

I'm out, but I did have a set of paddles at home. No, no, but I did say I maybe said this on the podcast. I don't know, but I I, You know, so I, uh, Yeah, so I um, but the last time I went. this is fascinating. forgive me if I already told you this.

I was trying to work on a joke like the first time bateman got laid that she was either like what had already happened. You know what? I mean? Like I.

but i'm not. I'm, not doing that.

Bateman getting late. I I just want to say this Jason bateman might be the most interesting person. I know. Yeah, i'm not joking, because first of all And you think my wife would disagree with that you hear little bits and pieces of the tales of the old days which I was not around to witness, but it's like, you know, it's like you did play teen wolf and it's like there was a.

two, two also also also.

Teen wolf like yeah, it was t double o wasn't two. It was also.

In a way, you are teen wolf, because, on, you know, you appear to be normal. and then there's this other guy. Who's this raging maniac, right?

right.

Yes, right. You never, you never met the maniac. I did meet the maniac, but I didn't know the maniac. The maniac may have been doing something illegal backstage. Um on, oh, you did meet the man.

I remember that I was there that night too. Andy dick. Were you there that night? Yeah?

Wait a second. Yeah,

With you, dude.

Wait, are you being serious on my kid's life? Yeah, we went there together. Sure. We did, we must.

We must dig up that clip. I know of your interview on the show that night and watch it together And perhaps do it on the podcast so others can enjoy as well. It reminds me of the other time.

I think we've already told us on the podcast, but yeah.

So I did we talk about the first time that I met jason and he said, uh, no second, We were doing the rest of development. He's like man. I wish we just this is when he was still partying. He's like, I wish we just partied together once now, because you don't party. I wish we just part, because will it shut it down?

Yeah, why?

Why did you light a candle on your dashboard? Oh, were your headlights out?

I don't know.

I don't know there was. I was driving a vehicle that had a dashboard that had a little cutout on top of it That just screamed, put a regal candle on me.

And.

That's incredible. That was just my roadie candle a fucking idiot, and I would light that thing And it would be blazing on my dashboard While i'm driving when I shouldn't, by the way, that the cops can see this dick's got a candle. I gotta pull. It's so stupid Every night.

And, by the way, instead of mugs, instead of keychains, maybe dashboard candles, that's the smartest.

There you go, that's great sell a lot of those. you're right, that's a great idea, so, um.

Even the drug is drugs aside. sure, whenever I mention Some weird, random celebrity to jason. It's become like a game that I don't know, that he knows i'm playing. It's like a baitman roulette he has a great story about.

Everybody all the time and actually right before the show, We were upstairs and somebody mentioned that jason right now, just because he's look, he's so handsome. We love him and.

It's like sixth grade, yeah, because I had it bad crying anyway, I don't know. so now I grow my hair out like her, so.

You went jogging with your dad, yeah.

I was right. I love. that's your takeaway instead of the crime. Yeah.

I don't know. I'm trying to imagine myself jogging with my dad and i'm not seeing, by the way, me too. Yeah. Yeah.

Wait.

Your dad. yeah, your dad did go jogging. he just went in a straight line.

Still jogging, still running, still running away, and I can't catch up to him.

So, uh, so anyways, so he's got all these random people. so I wrote down some names And I just figured I'd throw some by you. Oh, he's great, You didn't know any of them.

I, I, I knew him pretty good.

Wait a minute, lay it out. I don't know that you did.

He knew him pretty good. my, uh, No one knows him pretty good. I mean what not great, not great.

Well, my my first place. my head goes to child adult. why hanging out?

My, uh, my mom, Became friends with.

Mrs. T.

She was really good. She was tight with mrs. T. Sure. Go ahead.

My, uh, my mother became friends with some personal trainer. she met on a plane, she was a flight attendant and he was mr T's trainer, and then mr T and I met, and then we rekindled when he was guesting on different strokes, which I was filming next door to, And that was sort of fantastic, you know, so that's that qualifies, you know, I, I once I once saw mr.

T, uh the the. I was getting on a plane in new york to come here years ago and there was like a Jam up at the front door and it was because mr. T and flavor flavor were, uh, talking in the aisle really loudly. It was an incredible. Yeah.

It was incredible. You probably want to know what time it was.

Well.

He, he pitied. yeah, he pitied the fool who didn't know what time it was. go ahead. All right, bill, cosby.

Be careful.

Pass. No, um, I knew him only from uh, when he was, uh, starting the cosby show, We were in new york doing all the up front sales for stuff. Yeah, I was on a show. I was on nbc, cosby shows, nbc. We were at the same table together and we talked and we had a good time.

Yeah, I don't, I don't have any dirt. I didn't say they're good stories. I said he knows these people.

Oh, okay. Wait, so did you? did you know him for a long time, or no? No, no, okay.

One conversation, one table, a professional event. Okay, next question.

What about oj?

um.

No, uh, but we were. I was at that, uh, buffalo bills game That where he was on the sideline doing the reporting with the what he was wearing, the shoes that they zoomed in on. Uh, and I was there, uh, because I was buddies with jim kelly at the time and he was playing quarterback.

With jim kelly.

Yeah, that there's a good story there, but we don't have time.

Ronald reagan, you ever meet ronald reagan? I did not. Oh, okay. I was gonna go wild. I know.

Oh, yeah, I went to school with janet jackson.

Are you serious?

We went, we went to, we went to. we're on the universal lot close.

I went. I went to this, uh, this this poor excuse for a school called valley professional school, where, um, Where kids who are trying to make it in business and show business go because it's only from 8 to 12, So you can go do auditions after 12. and it was like in a mini mall deep in the north valley. And she went to school there. I was some ice skaters went there, Um, and that was just before the following year.

this

Shitty experimental school that wasn't accredited. And so I look, this is why i'm so stupid. listen to the schools I go to.

Wow, so did you and janet hang out like were you friends or we were pretty friendly? That's nice.

She's great. Like if you were to call her now, she would, we'd have funny stories about valley professional school.

Yeah, when was the last time you spoke to janet jackson? It was sixth grade.

No way, really? I think so.

Sean and I did a uh, I did an episode of will and grace with sean and I played one of her back her background dancers. No, but sean and I, sean and I, had a dance-off. yeah, how'd that go? Let's go. No god.

Yeah,

But you know what that was. that was right after nipple gate, right and uh, and so that was nice of her to come on, because she was, you know, it wasn't um, the best time for her.

Lucille ball. Oh, did you meet lucy? I did not. Oh, um, I did I. how old do you think I am?

And then i'm not suggesting you were in school, bus school together.

Let me just toss in the same area, lou ferrigno.

I, uh, I have a story about lou ferrigno. when you're done. I played, uh, uh, the the dodgers, the greatest baseball team in the history of sports.

Wait a minute, why would they be the greatest baseball team in the history of sports?

Wouldn't it be? they'd just be the greatest team. I haven't had a great education, jimmy. Oh, all right. So, uh, the dodgers have this great, uh celebrity baseball game every year and I was lucky enough to play in it one year and I Somehow closed my eyes and put the bat on the ball and hit a gapper into right center field.

Wow,

Wow, but that's a legit lou ferrigno story. Yeah,

You're telling me, you hit a line drive into right field and managed to get all the way home and there were no errors committed.

No, lou had real skills. Now, uh, jonathan silverman may have overthrown the home plate, but, uh, Did we give you that hat and that, uh, motel keychain?

I don't know if he gave it to me. It was sitting in a pile in the room in the prison cell. you had me in.

before.

I came out here. Oh, everyone's so like they can't see you. if they they see you, they cannot see you. but meanwhile, Back to the critiquing of the podcast. Okay.

There's no mystery for us. Okay. Oh, there's no mystery for them for us. Yeah, right. Yeah, right for the listener, right?

Oh, yeah, for the people listening. There's nothing, but for you guys. Yeah.

All right. There's a real rush, a really good point. Okay. Okay, except on tour. It's something that we.

No, wait, but it was, it was, it was a. it was an idea, Uh, born of laziness and will, and I were trying to remember whose idea it was. You're saying it's yours. I can't remember who it was, but it was basically like. It was yours.

No, wait a minute. You didn't learn that at a stoplight.

You guys. you guys vacation a lot together or not a lot, but sometimes you guys vacation. Do you have any kind of crazy jason bateman stories from vacation? crazy, I mean he all he does.

A lot of fire. What about some funny stories about this guy?

I'm normal. He's pretty normal. Well, I mean, yeah, I mean there are certain things that I mean. it's interesting That you can be so tan.

in.

in december, On february in england, in england, under an umbrella, And then you say you're not using any kind of a tanning cream And to prove it and this is the best thing he makes us look at his feet. You know what I feel like. right now We're gonna find some weird sex thing up about you that you, like you're really into, like showing women your feet, or something Like yeah, and like we'll go. Oh, yeah, He used to do that with the tanning thing and then, even when we did the smartless podcast at the orpheum, He took off his shoe and he quickly showed his foot to everyone.

He can't stop. I legitimately don't do anything weird and and i'm probably very sort of boring in that way And yes, you show the feet because people who get spray tan and I know some people who've had it done Oh, i'm not gonna say justin theroux on the stage.

Why would I?

Why would I? Then he's gonna get to hear about it. He's gonna be mad. So i'm just like not gonna say it. not on the show.

And you can see streaks. Yeah, like like full giuliani. He's gonna say you'll never catch justin theroux in the rain.

You'll never see a photo of him, Can't do it.

But i've gotten to the point now where people say you're tan and I just say thank you. Oh, but I have like a real farmer's tan. now, it's like it's like a golf. Oh, yeah, you're a real farmer. I know.

Even made a song about it.

So one. this is years ago. I was, I was, uh, in new york At the uh at barney's on like a wednesday, this old clothing store on the upper east side of new york, At like 11 o'clock on a wednesday. There was nobody up there and I see bruce springsteen in there. Oh, yeah, clothes shopping, and he's not obviously gonna try stuff on in the in the change room.

Um, if I close my eyes, it's like i'm at the store with you. he says uh.

And the guy goes. and the guy goes, no problem, and he grabs the phone and he and he goes no, no, and he goes. Um, I have got rick springfield here.

no.

true true story, and I was Just behind springsteen. as this happens, and he goes to which springfield he wanted and bruce, to his credit, springsteen goes. It's bruce springsteen, And the guy's like I mean bruce springsteen and then hangs up. and then he was and he kind of laughed. he turned to me And he just said my kids would love it.

Um, now you're having us over tomorrow for, uh, super bowl. Very nice. Yeah. Thank you. Um, you used to have a lot of super or football gatherings every weekend.

No, no, uh, actually my cousin sal, who is who kind of organized the whole thing, Took mercy on me because I was spending the whole day, saturday, preparing for the sunday.

Meaning you cook because jimmy, because I cook everything. most incredible cooks.

And then sunday would be me feeding those animals, right? And um, this went on for like 11 years and finally he's like this is enough. This is too much.

So you like cooking for that many people, don't you like maybe taking a break and having somebody cook for you?

Like. do you always do that? Oh, yes. Sometimes I go to restaurants even.

What do we? what do we? what do we got tomorrow, what are you cooking up tomorrow? tomorrow, uh, smoked pastrami.

smoked chicken wings. uh, my mother's making a vegan chili. the greatest mother. i'm making a uh, A big sandwich that has grilled zucchini and melted cheese and arugula on it, uh.

Ribs, can we do part of that with no zucchini? Yeah, can you take the zucchini off?

Just if I can make a request. Yeah, no problem. Just on a quarter of it. Yeah, now is half of that marinating right now? Like, did you prep today?

Wait, but why? where? what? who makes it what I've never even heard of a mad you are. why are you so mad?

Because of a zucchini sandwich, you know why because he's hungry. he needs, he needs popcorn.

What he's hungry. who's ever heard of a zucchini sandwich? That's terrible.

But you know how look look he gets, so he hasn't had anything to eat for like 45 minutes. Yeah,

My blood sugar's dropping. First of all, we gotta get him some food. great, because I made it for you, Number one, because you eat like a princess. Yeah.

I I'm gonna have. i'm gonna. i'm gonna go outside my comfort zone. I'm gonna get you some popcorn. No, I had a bunch of.

Can we get some popcorn? Maybe some popcorn? Thanks, man. Thank you. Oh, this is great.

Hold on. Who's that? Wait, wait.

Go this way

You want my shoes? I can know, because then i'll have to be. then i'll be a shoeless. Yeah, no streaks.

Yeah, but there's zero tan on those feet. zero tan on the feet.

Okay. Yeah, I don't know.

All right.

I thought I heard that laugh backstage.

Jen, would you grab me a sparkling water, please?

I know.

The best, the best. Um, there you go, buddy. All right, so i'm gonna go outside my comfort zone. tomorrow. I'm gonna have ribs.

Let's be honest. You're gonna sit there and pretend to be eating. No. No, I, so you can imagine, to be fair.

What about last night? I mean I was just a shit pig last night. I put, I put everything in me last night.

I yeah.

If you're, if you're, If you're videoing this illegally, please put that just that clip on the internet. I put everything in me last night.

Thank you, thank you in advance and then follow it with. do I have to be? yeah?

Hey, you want to know what. yeah, this is true. We told some other people before to be Since december, this is not a joke has gone up 40.. Yeah, it's true.

It's true, but what's 40 on to be like eight people? Um, who's gonna win the game tomorrow, jimmy, um, well, I don't know, uh, Wait, wait, do you know who's? do you know who's playing tomorrow? Of course. I know who's playing who?

I want to get back to baitman's eating for one second. Yeah.

And that is the title of his new book jason baitman, eating for one second.

When we're on the road. the food, shame, was off the charts already, oh, Constantly gauging. What are you having? What are you eating? What?

Yeah, right. Yeah, and then and then I get nightmares if I have it too late.

He's the king of like. hey, i'm gonna order some dessert. i'm not eating any dessert. three, two, one. what do you got there?

You started. I finish it, just use that term. he said he was doing the ordering for the room service. We, we all, stayed in the same room on tour every city. It was such a mistake and.

And i'm like, I said i'll have the spare ribs and he goes. Yeah, the pig will have some spare ribs.

It's all good, it is all good fun.

See, you couldn't resist the popcorn. No, I love it so much.

Skinny pop, the best popcorn in the world. No, it's a camera. Where's the camera? Not a sponsor?

Um speaking of fun, jimmy. It's been so fun having you. Thank you for jimmy.

No,

Fine. I'd like to watch the rest. I know. show We. uh, we love you.

I appreciate it.

I appreciate all of you for coming here tonight and

You guys realize you can't do the rest without shoes. go ahead, jimmy.

Yeah, no, I love the show. i'm glad that I feel like um, it's so exciting to see all these people Come to see you guys do this, which really came out of just a very private conversation between the three of you and then, uh, sometimes really good and sometimes not so good guests and Um, and it is. i'm so happy for you. And I hope you guys are appreciative Of this, of the magic that this is, because it is a magical thing. These people are here And to hear the way, the dismissive way, you talk about them off the air, it's just.

What. I just find it offensive, I know me too, and I tell them all the time I find it very offensive. i'm with you.

But these are the best.

Yeah, these are the best. They're the best. Yeah.

Uh, thank you, buddy. Thanks guys. Thank you for having me. Thank you everybody.

Keep it going.

Well, nice going, really nice going, right. we just wanted to. it was so fun having, Uh, somebody who's important to us, out here for the last night. You guys are here, the last show of the tour. Yes.

Thank you for being here. I've. i've said it to jimmy's face on on his show. I I said all the time that he's one of the kindest he really is everything you think he is. He's one of the kindest, most generous people in the business.

You should know, he said, If any of our guests dropped out on this tour all over the country over this last week, week and a half, He says I will get on a plane and I will fly there and I will sit there. I swear to god, true story.

and uh.

Incredibly hilarious and just and a gorgeous hard candy shell on the outside. Yeah.

Yeah, back to food. So

I feel sean thinking right now. There's a fucking smoke coming out of his ears trying to work on.

You know what? He's trying to do. No, he's.

Um,

Get out here, get out here.

Come on, yeah,

I don't want to do this.

Just say, just say hi. Hi everybody. And thank you for coming. Hi. Hi everybody.

and if you were.

Okay, I think this has been really a lovely, Lovely evening and I wish I could just come up with something, something sort of like.

Something to say simple, something like like what say at the end of something. Oh, you like, like goodbye.

Please

Smart.