#2046 - Brian Redban
2023-10-10 03:10:01
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
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Hey.
Hi. What's going on? Hi. We are at the verge of World War III.
Yeah.
You know what? Here's what's crazy, man. I've been freaking out over the last, like, few weeks. Like, at night time. Like, at night time, I'll be alone, and I just start thinking about the future of the world.
And I start, like, legit freaking out. Like, what would happen if we were, like, legit Armageddon, Mad Max, nuclear war? Like, how far are we away from that? And it just gives me anxiety. Before I go to sleep, I'd just be laying there going, fuck, like, how does this all resolve?
And then this fucking Israel thing pops off, and now I'm, like, legit freaked out.
I've been definitely buying a lot of stuff lately for my house. Like, end of the world, shit. Like, I'm getting Tesla solar right now, you know, and battery packs, so I can live off the grid.
Yeah, that's a good move. Yeah, if you can get your house solar, that's a big move. Just fucking a bit of a, you know, at a certain point in time, what is it, what's the electricity even getting you other than keeping the lights on? What I'm scared of is, like, all communications are gone. Like, how hard would it be to shut down our power grid?
How hard would it be to blow a few satellites up, and no one knows shit?
Yeah, that's why, like, that Starlink, you know, the satellite thing, I'm thinking about getting that, even though I have great internet. But, you know, just because, oh, what, if, it's, yeah, it's scary.
Yeah, I was in the mountains in Utah, and they had Starlink, and it was great. It works everywhere. But people keep thinking it's UFOs.
Oh, yeah.
Like, people keep filming it, flying. What is that?
Yeah, the dots in the air.
Dude, everybody's looking for UFOs now, like, more than ever.
Yeah. Ring cameras are putting out a million dollar bounty. If you catch something on your ring cameras right now, they will pay you a million dollars.
That's good, because they know they don't have to pay that. Yeah, exactly. It's, like, sweet. Very smart. Did you see that?
one in Vegas that they captured on camera? Like, the dashboard cam of a police car, caught this thing streaking through the sky. And then this family said that it landed in their backyard and that these tall creatures got out of it. They saw the tall creatures. But then, when George Knapp was going to interview them, like, I think it was on two separate occasions.
They just fucking wouldn't answer the door.
Oh, really?
Yeah. But I think also, I mean, they might have made the whole story up, right? That's most likely. But also, imagine how freaked out you'd be if, all of a sudden, the whole world wanted to talk to you because of a UFO in your backyard. And I don't know if they're legal.
I believe they spoke Spanish. See, if you can find that story. Because it was, at the beginning, I was like, whoa. And then I was like, what? Right.
You know, it's one of those things that you want it to be true. So you start, like, going, whoa, what is going on with this story? And then you read it more, you read into it more.
Yeah, that's all those stories, right?
Every one of them.
Yeah. It's never like, oh, we filmed it on the new iPhone. Look how crisp it is.
The only ones that I ever really make me pause are the ones from the military guys. And the ones from the military guys, the more I think about it, the more I think that is some absolute top secret shit that the United States government has developed. I think they have some super high tech drone technology that operates on some very sophisticated propulsion system that we're not aware of.
Or different countries.
I think it's America. The reason why I think it's America is because these things always happen where military bases are. Like one of them happened off the coast of the Nimitz in San Diego. You know, San Diego is where all the SEALs are. That's where a bunch of military base.
There's, like a bunch of exercises that go on in the sea outside of San Diego. So that makes sense. And they were doing fighter jet testing and training out there. That's how they saw this thing. So that kind of makes sense to me.
And then the other ones are in the east coast, again, in the same kind of airspace where these guys practice all the time. And I had this one guy on Ryan Graves. And he said that when they upgraded the equipment on their jets in 2014,, I believe, that's when they started seeing all these things. That's when they're like, what the fuck is going on? Now, is that an accident?
Like if they wanted to find out, you know, like whether or not these things were, you could detect them. You know, whether or not we could employ them or deploy them, rather without anybody knowing. And then you test them with your own guys. Like I would. He goes, hey, here's the rules.
Don't shoot at those things. If you see them, we don't know what the fuck they are. But they probably do know what the fuck they are. But also real aliens. I leave everything on the table.
I think if you had a pie, the UFO pie, right, most of it's bullshit. Like a good 70, 65% is bullshit. That's low.
That's a really low job. You know me.
Come on, man. I got an alien problem. I got a real alien problem. I got a UFO on the desk. We got a fucking alien head on the wall.
But I'm also a realist, at least in some ways. And I look at it and I go, okay, most of it's just bullshit. And then misunderstandings. So what's misunderstandings? How many of them are shooting stars, which happen all the time?
I saw one the other day. It was dope. Just the light, the sky just shot up and then it dies off. I was like, ooh, it's pretty. How many of them are just fighter jets, shit like that?
Have you ever seen like a stealth bomber? Have you ever seen one of those? Yeah. In the sky?
Not in the sky. I mean, at an air museum.
We were filming Fear Factor in 2001, and it was right after 9-11.. So we were out at,
no, not, what's the fucking city we were at? We would go there all the time. Palmdale. Palmdale. So Palmdale is like way out there.
A lot of crack.
It was a sketchy area. But also these big open roads that we could close down. And so we would do these stunts with like giant semi-trucks barreling down the road. And these people had to climb on the outside of the truck, shit like that. And so we were out there and we saw this thing just flying through the air like a fucking, something out of Star Wars.
Everybody stopped. We were like, whoa.
It's a stealth bomber just flying through the sky. They look so sick. They look like they're not of this world.
You're talking about the Blackbird, right? Is that what it's called? Blackbird?
I think there's more than one of them, right?
The sexy one that's like all black and it looks like it has muscles and shit.
It was sexy. It was very sexy. It was very black. It was very, very spaceship looking. See if you can get a video of that thing.
Is there more than one?
Well, there's a couple different stealthers. There's the B2 stealth, which is probably the big one you're talking about on the screen.
Yeah, that's exactly what it looked like. That's the new one. That's exactly what it looked like. When I saw that thing, I was like, oh my God. There's a couple other ones.
If you didn't know, come on, man. And you saw that thing flying through the sky. Give me one of those images, like that image right there, to your right, of your cursor, right there. Yeah, click on that. If you just saw that, you'd be like, oh my God, we're getting invaded for sure.
Especially at night. Can you imagine? Is there a video of that at night? I bet that looks like a UFO.
I bet you can't see it at night. The whole idea is that it evades radar. How does that even work?
Here's one.
Oh, this is.
That's from the ground. It looks like a plane.
God, these cameras.
It does look a little bit like a plane. But those three lights, don't? people always say they see like three lights in the sky? How many of them are this thing? Probably a shit ton, you know?
I mean, everybody always talks about a triangle shaped craft, right? Well, there it is. Yeah. Fucking, there it is. The ones that they spotted over Phoenix.
Remember, they had that Phoenix, the Phoenix lights?
And they always say, oh, it was going slow. And then, out of nowhere, it just jet out of nowhere super fast. Yeah, that's another one. Oh, that's a nice one.
Yeah. But you think about it. If it has three lights under it and it's flying through the air and it's that high, all it would have to do is turn those three lights off. And you're like, oh my God, it disappeared. Yeah.
You know? You wouldn't even – you would have no idea what's going on. So now, on the ground like that, that looks like a jet. Like a super dope jet. What's the other one?
I think we have a drone.
I think I was looking at one that's like not officially – I think the SR-72 hasn't been officially announced.
What's that one on the far left? The white one? Yeah, that looks like a spaceship. Look at that thing. Wow.
That looks cool.
Fuck yeah, that looks cool. I mean, if you were – like when I was in high school in the 1980s, he told me what a jet is going to look like in 2003.. I'm like, oh, like that. Or 2023.. I'd be like that.
That kind of shit.
Yeah, that's an unmanned aircraft. That's 10 years ago.
Whoa. Yeah, see, so 10 years ago. So this thing off the coast of the Nimitz, this is 2004.. So that's almost 20 years ago. This episode is brought to you by Blinds.com.
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That's the only thing that gives me pause. I was like, did they really have that kind of technology 20 years ago where something could jet off into the sky and go from 50,000 feet above sea level to zero in a second? Did they have that back then? Maybe. You know, maybe they had that, but just they didn't have any way to use it, and so they just hold on to it.
I mean, like, what would you use that for? Like, if they did have it, here's the thing. If they had something like that, like the Tic Tac. Have you seen the Tic Tac one? That's the one that's the most legit, because it's two separate jets.
Multiple eyeballs on this thing. Video evidence of this thing. Radar data.
Check this thing out. This is a Chinese drone, and it says it moves with bursts of compressed air to maneuver.
This testbed drone can influence its upcoming 6th generation fighter design. New drone features active flow technology, which uses bursts of high-pressure air from actuators embedded in the aircraft's body for maneuvering instead of traditional moving control surfaces such as, I don't know how to say that, ailerons, rudders, and elevators. Wow. So it uses compressed air to flutter and maneuver. But what does that thing do if winds are fucked up?
Can it push against the winds? Like, how does that air work?
Probably falls apart. It's made in China.
Bro, they made your phone. They make great stuff, too.
I'm just kidding.
But that's the funny thing, right? We would think made in China is cheap. Bitch, made in China is everything. Yeah. We can't make a single phone over here.
That is the dumbest thing of all time.
Isn't that crazy?
Yeah, I've been talking about it on stage.
They tried, right? Not hard.
If China could do it. We've talked about this before, but if they made a phone in America and you didn't have to feel terrible about people working in the cobalt mines to get the cobalt out of the ground, and if you didn't have to feel terrible about people working 16 hours a day, sleeping in cots, jumping off the roof, manufacturing it, you'd be happy to pay a little more. Okay. Unlike traditional AFC, which uses high-pressure air to maneuver an aircraft, plasma AFC works by using a thin membrane in front of a flying wing aircraft, which ionizes air molecules. The ionized air molecules generate a plasma shower that accelerates the airflow, which can keep the craft from stalling if it goes down a particular airspeed.
For example, China's plasma AFC is claimed to prevent stalls even if the aircraft speed drops to unusually low 108 kilometers per hour. Isn't that funny? That's low. But that's like, what is that? 108 is like 65, something like 70..
Like what's 200 miles an hour? or 200 kilometers is like 60 miles an hour, right? Because I know that from cars.
We were supposed to adopt the metric system when I was in fucking grammar school, bro.
Yeah.
We were supposed to get on board with soccer, and we were supposed to get on board with the metric system.
And Celsius, right?
Yep, yep, that's part of it. Ours is so goofy. So stupid. Ours is second only to England. England still uses stone.
with people. He weighs 16 stone.
What's that?
I think it's 13 pounds. Is that what a stone is?
Something like that. It's like 13 point, something.
We googled it once, like what the root of that was. Like. they had just made a measurement in the fucking 14 pounds. So that's like from back in the, you know, probably the barbarian days. This stone will be how we measure food and gold.
However many of them. We have three stone. It's just like it's so medieval. Stone.
That's ridiculous.
Yeah, it's weird. But it's weird that we're not all on board with one measurement and we fucked it up. We easily could have gave up on inches. What are we like fucking, are we really committed to inches? What?
Are we really committed to yards? Are yards important to you? Why isn't it meters? The whole world's meters.
At least we're all going to USBC now, right? That's the one thing, that and straws.
But they had to get threatened by Europe to go to USBC. Apple loves their walled garden. Ooh, they're so good at it. They're the best at it. They really are.
That company is amazing what it's done. Because it's taking something that everyone has, a cell phone, and making it so if you have theirs, it's significantly better. You can send each other videos. You can do the FaceTime. It's native to the phone.
You don't have to download anything. It works on everybody's phone. now. It even works on an Android phone. You can AirDrop.
And then, if you get a new phone, all of your shit just transfers over instantly. And if you are a comic and you have your notes on your phone, like, ah, it's so sweet. You're just like, oh, my God, I lost my phone. I lost all my notes. No, I didn't.
Log on, bang, new phone, bang, there's your notes. They're just so good. And I know Android has a lot of those features. I know it does. Usually.
before. Don't get mad. Yeah, they're better than ever at innovation. They're the first to make foldables. They have legit foldables.
You were showing me yours the other day.
Pixel.
Dude, that is sweet. That is fucking sweet.
Apple needs to jump on that. You know they will. In like two years, they'll have a foldable, I bet.
They'll be way behind the curve.
Yeah, but they won't have the crease, I bet. That's the big thing.
I got to tell you, it bummed me out when I found out that Samsung was faking those moon pictures. It really bummed me out.
Yeah, because you actually told me about it, or you sent me one.
Yeah, I sent you one when I was on vacation.
And that made me buy the Galaxy S21, or whatever it was at the time. I was like, I have to get this. And it's still, you know, yeah, it's still fine, I guess.
The camera's incredible. The camera's amazing. It's a very, very, very good camera. But so is the iPhone camera. The only thing that the Samsung camera legitimately does do is it zooms in way better.
They can zoom in from, like, it's crazy zoom. I know it's electronic. It's like optical, up to a certain extent. Five, I think. Yeah, and then it goes.
What does Apple's do?
Apple's is five, and it zooms in. But the megapixels are bigger on the Galaxy S23 and stuff like that, ultra.
Right. But I mean, where are you looking at your phone, your pictures? for the most part? You're looking at them on your phone. Right.
So how much of a difference does that make?
It's not that big of a difference. It's the quality of the lens and stuff. Like the new iPhone is like 48 megapixels, but their new zoom is this new zoom lens. It's five optical now. But so many of the tests show like the quality of the two, you know, the Galaxy S23 Ultra.
It's like almost exactly the same, and it's like twice the megapixels. So megapixels doesn't really matter anymore. It's actually the detail, up to a certain point of megapixels.
But doesn't megapixels matter, say like, if you want, like one of the things, Sony has one of the most interesting phones, because Sony is out there wilding. And what Sony's done is, they said, look, no one's buying this, but we're just going to make a phone with the craziest fucking camera. we can put on it with the most professional features. Like a guy like you or Jamie, Jamie really knows how to work a camera. You know, like, and a lot of people that are like legit photographers, they love that Sony phone because you can, you go into it, it's like a computer.
There's so many features, so many options. What is it called?
Oh, the new one. It has like the same kind of setup as like a, they're like professional camera lens, like the menus and stuff like that.
Yeah. MKBHD. Yeah. He went over it. Yeah.
And he was just talking about like, who's this phone for? Because the camera's incredible. It does so many things. It's for someone who really understands settings and you really want to go, and you can make movies with that, man, like legit movies with that phone.
What's funny, though, is that's just software for the most part, and you can actually download programs on your iPhone and do exactly the same stuff. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, so it's not the quality of the camera?
I mean, the lens is great and stuff, but I would really like to see it versus the new iPhone, and I bet the iPhone's probably better.
Interesting. So if you used a similar program.
Yeah. It's like Camera Raw. I forget the name of that.
Do you use one of those, Jamie? Do you ever use one of them? cameras?
No. If I'm taking a photo like that, I wouldn't use my iPhone. The iPhone's, just like when I'm at the concert, I just try to take the best thing I can real quick.
Yeah.
The correct answer, for that is, the best camera is always the one you have on you, not the one you go buy or whatever.
What is the most useless film footage of all time that people never watch? Fireworks. Thank you.
That's what I was going to say. Unless it's a journaling thing, but unless it's like a self-journal.
I was here on Fourth of July. These people were with me. That was the song playing, blah, blah, blah. Yeah.
No, that's kind of cool.
That's kind of cool. Other than that, you're never going to watch them.
Get the fuck out of here. You can buy legit fireworks in Texas. And my poor boy, Marshall. Marshall, who's the sweetest. He is so scared of lightning and so scared of fireworks.
He won't sit still. We try to just watch TV with him, and he's just jumping up on the couch with you and jumping on the ground like, dude, settle. It's okay, buddy.
Panting.
I thought that if he sat next to me and I pet him, he would be cool, but nope. He was like, I got to get out of here.
We're getting bombed. Yeah.
Firework. And he wasn't like that before. I don't know what set it off. Moving to Texas set it off. Well, I think it's because people are doing them on my block.
Yeah. And we don't have lightning, really, in LA.
Right. Bro, we get some lightning out here.
It's different, right? It's not regular lightning. It's kind of like war lightning or something. It's scary.
It's real. It's real. It's the shit that the people had to face in the covered wagons when they're trying to make their way across here.
Yeah.
Terrifying. A lightning hit right across from my house.
Mm-hmm.
It was like I saw the bolt through the sky, the sky lit up, and instantly you heard boom. And I was like, whoa, it's right there.
It's right there. I sent you the photo down the street from my house, and the whole house blew up from a thing of lightning. The whole thing blew up. Oh, that's right. You know who almost got hit?
Forrest Galante.
I figured, you knew.
Yeah, I saw the video. He was in a river, and I'm like a foot away from him, two feet away from him? Wow. He would have been dead. And this fucking dude goes, do you know who he is?
Mm-hmm. He's a wildlife biologist. Look at that. Right behind him. Show that again.
Is there sound to this? I'm trying.
So he's out there in the water.
Nothing? Can you get no sound?
I'm waiting. Yeah, I don't know. There it is. Boom.
Oh, shit.
So where did it hit?
I think behind him? Yeah, I made a longer video about it. And this, it says he felt it.
It says I got hit by lightning.
He says he felt it.
Well, of course he felt it. It's probably right next to him.
And he's in the water.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
He's in the water.
Does the water conduct the electricity? I mean, there has to be a certain...
Yeah, it has to dilute it a little.
I remember growing up, they're like, don't take a shower when it's...
Yeah.
Or get on the phone for whatever reason, but I guess they could go through the power line.
Well, obviously, when people kill people, they throw a toaster in the bathtub, right? Right. Those are the things that people would do. Or kill themselves. Yeah.
What a fucked up way to...
Can you imagine?
Throw a toaster in the bathtub?
But I wonder, like, it's got to be at a certain point, it doesn't work anymore, right? Otherwise, it would kill everything in the river. Yeah. Yeah, it'd kill the whole ocean. Right.
So it has to be, like, a distance where it doesn't do that anymore.
Yeah.
I don't have sound.
You don't have sound?
The computer, I don't have sound on for some reason.
Oh, you want to reboot?
Let me just figure it out for one second.
Okay. If you have to reboot, just let us know. Yeah, it's... That's a fucked up way to go. My friend, Remy, got hit by lightning when he was a kid.
Really? It fucked him up, he said. Yeah, I think it fucked up his earring for a long time. And, you know, he woke up outside and realized what had happened.
It's always weird when people get hit by lightning multiple times. It's like, how is that possible?
I wonder what that is. Do you think some people are just like, there's something about them? Or God's like, get the fuck out of here?
Or they're just idiots. They're always, like, out in rainstorms, holding, like, umbrellas.
But there was one dude, I think he had a record. He got electrocuted by... He got hit by lightning, like, six or seven times. Like, something bonkers.
Yeah. Within, like, a week, there's some people that get hit.
You must be thinking God's trying to get rid of you. Yeah. Probably. That's a crazy way to die. A bolt of electricity comes out of the heavens.
Like, back in the day. Imagine being, like, back in the Roman days and not knowing what the fuck's going on. And you see someone get hit by lightning. Because they had swords and shit. I hereby take this land.
Bitch, you ain't taking shit.
And that's how He-Man became.
They probably thought back then that the gods were angry at that person. I mean, how many guys, like, were holding up a sword and they got hit by lightning?
Right. I'm sure a lot. I'm sure there's... I'm probably, like...
Yeah, thousands.
They're always on mountains, you know?
They're never, like, in caves doing it.
What a way to go. No wonder why they had, like, God of Thunder. You know? They thought, like, the gods made decisions to take someone out. What a fucked up god that would be.
If that really was what was going on, a guy was like, This fucking guy. Just blows you up.
Did you see that kid that got electrocuted? There were three kids sitting on a train track. And one of them, like, leans back. He, like, leaned back and he hit the third rail.
Oh, my God.
And then his girlfriend looked over and sees him going like this and grabs him. And she gets electrocuted.
Oh, my God. Did they all die?
Last I heard, they both went to the hospital, so I don't know. But the video is disturbing. Because the kid just kind of lays back.
I don't even want to see that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a haunting video, for sure.
We can't unsee that.
Any of those electricity videos? Like, the people with, like, the power line, guys? Those videos?
Ugh.
Happened to a kid on a college campus recently in Ohio, I think. He climbed the power pole.
I'm surprised it doesn't happen more.
I don't think he died, though.
There was one where I was watching a guy. It was some other country. They were speaking different languages. Climbing up, trying to fix something on a power line. And he got zapped.
And he just fell. Just fell backwards, like, 50 feet. And you watched him fall. Fucked up way to go. Working on power?
Like, electricians? Boy, you better know what the fuck you're doing. That's why building regulations are so goddamn important. When people are like, you know, we need less regulation. No, you don't.
Yeah. No, you need building regulation, dude. Have you ever had a problem where builders built something in your house squirrelly? Oh, yeah. Yeah.
It's real. There's some squirrelly dudes out there. They don't pay attention to the regs. They don't look at how they're making things. And, you know, whether or not they're doing it correctly.
Or doing it in a dangerous way. People are goofy. Jesus. There we go. Now we got sound.
You can start playing your Mariah Carey song.
I want to make sure it's the right song.
Jimmy's playlist gets revealed. It's all Taylor Swift. I was careful.
Def Tone song on purpose.
Def Tones.
I forgot about Def Tones.
Oh, yeah. Did you go to ACL this weekend?
No, of course not. Too cuckoo for me. But I've been seeing a lot of concerts lately. Man, Austin is such a great fucking place. In terms of, like, how many artists roll through here.
I used to think, like, God, if you live there. Like, fucking, you'd have to go somewhere to see everything. No, everything comes here. Yeah. Everything comes here.
Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle, every fucking band, Roger Waters. We've seen so many concerts here. It's been incredible. It's been incredible. Zach Bryan.
So many concerts. So much going on here. Jelly Roll was here the other day.
Oh, yeah. He's Jelly Roll. He's a cool guy.
He's the best.
What a nice guy, huh?
I love him. He's so sweet to everybody. He's just all hugs and love. The moment I met him. You know, they told me that Jelly Roll was coming up to see Ron White.
And I happened to be at the club. I wasn't even working that night. I was being, like, a manager. It was like when the club was just sort of making sure everything was cool. And I went to say hi to Ron.
And they said, Jelly Roll's here. And I'm like, oh, man, I'm going to go meet him. And whenever you meet someone famous, you're like, you know, I hope he's cool. He's like, my man. He gives you his big hug.
I'm like, oh, you're just how I thought you would be.
I mean, that's how I was with Post Malone. Yeah. I had actually said out loud to my girlfriend months before I met him. I was like, that's one of the top five guys I want to meet in person, just hang with. Cut to.
months later, me and him are at Mitzi's. And we're drawing dick. We're having a dick off, drawing the best dicks. He was great at it. Like, he beat me.
No, he's so cool. He's exactly how you would hope he is. He's so cool. He's such a kind person. He's so nice.
And he's so talented. And he's so fun. And when I told him, we did the podcast. I'm like, you want to go. see Kill Tony?
He's like, yeah. I go, you want to go on stage? Let's do this. How do I do this? I go, fuck.
Come on, man. Let's go. Let's fucking do it. He's like, all right, let's fucking do it. And he just hops up there for Kill Tony.
He had no idea what Kill Tony was.
And he stayed. And he was great. I thought he was going to be in and out like 10 minutes. He stayed the whole time.
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He was great. Yeah, he was amazing.
And he was, like, supportive of people. And that dude who sang opera.
Yeah.
How good was that guy? Uh-huh. That was incredible. Like, bro, bail on the jokes. Or work that into your act somehow.
Yeah. Like, a guy like that, with great jokes. And he did have some great jokes. Oh, yeah, he's funny. That fucking opening one minute that he had was solid.
That's when they put him up against Hans. They were going to have, like, a joke off. And apparently Hans smoked him.
Yeah.
And I was like, I hope that guy didn't just burn out his best material in that one minute. Probably did. Yeah. Because it was a solid bit. Yeah.
I don't want to give it away, but it's a solid premise. Great. Good bit. And I was thinking, like, if that guy hit punchlines and then sang, oh, my God. You know, like, work it into the punchlines.
Yeah. Like, you know, like, saying, I used to be an opera singer. And sometimes people are so fucking stupid, I just want to sing at them. You know what I mean? Like, he could have a thing.
Because his voice is insane. Like, when he did that, like, you know, when someone has a hidden skill like that? You're like, what? You can play guitar? And you see them fucking.
Whoa. I never thought that. Like, that guy, like, who expected that to come out of that guy?
Mm-hmm.
You know, you expect a comic. He's a comic. He's probably fucked off most of his life. Probably had a problem with drugs. Maybe he's got a few DUIs.
Maybe he was in trouble with the law. You know, maybe he sold drugs when he was younger, or something. There's always, like, something kooky with comics. But you see someone who's a. .
. No, I'm a trained opera singer.
Yeah.
But, again, that would be, like, how you would rebel. If you're, you know, you're, like, singing the classics all the time. You're like, oh, my God, I want to just talk about farts. You know?
Serious. You know? You, like, get to this point where you're just, like. . .
I mean, if you, like, live rigidly. Like, that was always a thing in high school. When I was in high school, there was girls that went to this all-girl Catholic school. high school. Those are the wildest girls.
Everybody knew it. It was, like, an open discussion. Like, dude, these Catholic girls are wild. Because they were just kept from boys and told, like, stay away from boys. And they were never around boys during the day.
Because all day it was just girls, girls, girls, and all they did was talk about boys. And when those girls would go to parties and, like, and meet guys, they were, like, aggressive. They, like, wanted to hook up with guys. It was different. Like, and other girls were like, these fucking Catholic school girl sluts.
Like, isn't it crazy? Like, which is a. . . Like, you know, that's one of those religions where, like, they put the fucking brakes on you.
They tell you, you know, you're a sinner. You know, you can go to hell for this. You know, don't fuck around. I found a song from 1970. That's a Jesus song.
A pro-Jesus song. And it fucking jams, dude. It's pretty interesting. I'm going to send this to you, Jamie.
Pro-Jesus song.
Yeah. It's, it's, it's. . . I'll tell you the guy as soon as I pull it up.
Hold on a second. My playlist is so long. I keep on saying I'm going to publish this on Spotify, and I swear to God I will.
Publish your playlist?
Yeah. The Green Room playlist. All right, let me share this with Jamie.
By the way, listen to Post Malone's cover of Nirvana. He did, like, he just played a bunch of Nirvana songs, like, too, like, during COVID. That's how I found out about Post. Some of the best Nirvana covers I've ever heard in my life. He just kills.
He covers Sturgill Simpson, too, man. Yeah. Like, he's doing at Stagecoach, which is the thing that is connected to Coachella. Right. The country music one.
He's going to do a whole country set there.
Wow.
Dude, he's so talented. He's so talented. Like, when we went to see him live, we went to Houston to see his concert. Oh, you did? Yeah.
Wow.
Fucking amazing. The energy that guy has. It's like, he just fucking goes for it, and the show is so good. The show is so solid. So exciting.
It just really makes you want to do better. You know, you see someone just crush it like that, you're like, God, I want to fucking do better. Everything I do, I want to do better. You get that song? Yeah.
Yeah, listen to this shit. This is from, I think it's from 1970.. Larry Norman.
Sipping whiskey from a paper cup. You drown your sorrows till you can't stand up.
Take a look at what you've done to yourself.
Why don't you put the bottle back on the shelf? Yellow finger from your cigarettes. Your hands are shaking while your body sweats. Why don't you come to Jesus?
He's got the answer. Jesus. Listen to this. No, listen to this.
It's good, man. The lyrics are good. And it's also, you have to look at it, you're in a time capsule. It was 1970..
Gonna be on Valentine's Day. You're still looking for the perfect thing. You think rock and roll will set you free, honey.
You'll be dead before you're 33..
Shooting junk till you're half insane. A broken needle in your purple vein. Why don't you look into Jesus? He's got the answer.
Good song, right?
Yeah. Now, is all this stuff religious?
I don't know.
According to Wikipedia, he's one of the pioneers of Christian rock music.
But this is good, dude. Yeah, this is good.
But you never hung around enough to find out who you really are.
Say you want to be a superstar, but you never hung around enough to find out who you really are.
Yellow fingers from the cigarettes. I like that one.
Shooting junk till you're half insane. It's good. Gonna be on Valentine's Day. It's a good fucking song. And again, 1970..
Back to when you were a child.
Your soul was free, your heart went wild.
Each day was different and life was a thrill.
You knew tomorrow would be better still. But things have changed, you're much older now. If you're unhappy and you don't know how.
I like it. Why don't you look into Jesus?
He got the answers.
Why don't you look into Jesus?
He got the answers.
See, here's the thing. I've heard of churches that are like rock and roll churches. There was this gal that I knew that worked for Fear Factor. And she was into this rock and roll church. I think she had one point in time.
she was... I don't know what. She was of a different religious persuasion. And then she got into this heavy duty Christian church. That was in town.
Where the guy was a cool guy, young guy. I go, is he fucking everybody? And she's like, no. I'm like, I know how those go. He's the cool guy?
He's the cool guy that likes rock and roll? And he also likes Jesus? Maybe. We're always hoping for the guy that that's really all he wants to do. That's really it.
He's just really about Jesus and love. And he's not trying to fuck everybody. But that guy has not shown up yet. Like almost all those guys, you know. Like the guy that was showing his dick, root, when he was hanging out with Justin Bieber.
Remember? We called that guy out a long time ago. Dick root. We called that guy out a long time ago. He's too hot.
He's too hot. He's too hot and he's too charismatic. Why is he so hot? Why is he so charismatic? Maybe you like power.
You know? Maybe. Maybe you're trying to develop a cult where, like all other cults, you get to bang everybody. Because it's like every one of them. David Koresh, Waco.
Like, I mean, I'm sure you could go down the list. It's like every one of them become like the one, the holy hell for the place that I almost bought. Guy's fucking everybody.
Thank God you didn't buy that.
Thank God I didn't. I should have. I should have. It would have been a better story. They're both good stories.
The location we have now is absolutely perfect. But that location would have been dope too. You just would have had to drive there. But people would have drove there. And also we would have had.
Philip was going to do a restaurant there. Philip Franklin Lee. We had a good set up there. But there was too much shit that was like, this is not set up good. Like.
there was a lot of problems. Problems to the point where like this could take a lot. This could be a lot of issues that I don't even want to disclose.
Right.
Yeah. It was enough where we're like, I got to get out of this one. Yeah. But then when the, the, the mothership spot, the Ritz, opened up, I was like, oh my God, this is a theater from 1927. And then we walked into it.
It was like, the theater was like, this is the spot. Like it was talking to us. It sounds so kooky. But that place, like. one of the reasons why I think it's so fun there is because the building wants us to be there.
The building's happy. That building was lonely. It sat there for years, unoccupied, Alamo draft house closed down, nothing was in there. And, you know, it probably missed the music, man. Stevie Ray Vaughan used to play there.
Probably missed the fun, the live, the energy of the live crowds. So like when we first opened up, I know it sounds stupid, but it felt like the building was happy.
It's always had been there entertaining people, music, movies, comedy, now. Like it's literally never been like negative energy there.
Well, it was a porn theater.
I mean, that's even better.
That was back when dudes didn't have VHS tapes. They'd have to go somewhere and whack off. Can you imagine if you got addicted to porn and the only way to get it to go to a movie theater with a raincoat on?
Do you remember that place in San Francisco where it was a movie theater and there was all these people sitting there? Where was that? We were at Cobb's once and we, just like, went into this weird, like, it was like, I think, like connected to a strip club or something. But they had this whole section and I think it was me and Ari. I thought you were with me, but we went around this corner and it was like a straight movie theater and people just sitting there like four people.
Watching porn? Watching porn.
Yeah. They had one of those in West Hollywood that was a gay one that was open pretty recently, up until like, at least like the 2000s. Because I remember we would always laugh about the titles. The titles were hilarious. The titles of these fucking movies were amazing.
I wonder if that's still, I doubt it's still there.
I don't think so. I don't think it, but like that's one of those things where, like they get mad if dudes jerk off there, which is so kooky. It's like, what do you, what kind of a business do you think you're running? Right. You know, like that's when Pee Wee Herman got arrested.
That's right.
Yeah. Same thing. Yeah. He was at a theater.
Poor guy.
Poor guy. I mean, that was back when you weren't allowed to jerk off.
Just sitting there masturbating.
I know, and he's a superstar. That's what's crazy. The guy's a giant global superstar. To this day, Pee Wee's Big Adventure is like one of my, I fucking love that movie. It's so fun.
I remember I went to see that movie with my high school girlfriend. And we were both just howling, laughing. We couldn't, it was so silly. Tell them, Large Marge sent ya. It's so fun, this fucking dude and his big adventure.
It's a fun movie, you know. It like takes you on a little journey. It was a good time to have that poor guy get raked through the coals because he was beaten off.
It is weird, though, when celebrities like that do stuff like that. It's almost like he wanted to get caught. type thing, you know.
I think it's probably,
I mean if you're, I mean there were VHS tapes back then, though.
Oh yeah.
That's just weird. That's where it gets weird.
George Michael going into a rest stop multiple times, you know. Yeah.
I think he was tortured. I think when you have a secret like that, like your secret is like literally your sexual identity. Like you're pretending you're into girls, but you're really into guys. And you get famous, you get hugely famous as this, you know, sex symbol. I gotta have faith, faith, faith, faith.
And he's fucking talented too, man. He was so good. And then you can't tell everybody that you're gay, because you'll lose what percentage of the crowd.
Wham, you're screwed.
Wham.
You son of a bitch.
So dumb.
That's awful. We know a couple guys that are in the closet and they live in hell.
Yeah. They live in hell. Try working with them.
That's not true. Son of a bitch.
I wasn't talking about Tony. You son of a bitch. Everybody always assumes I'm talking about Tony.
Tony's so straight. It's so crazy.
You guys, totally.
But, yeah.
Definitely.
Why don't you look into Jesus? He get the answers.
Sucking dick until you go, insane.
Dancing naked to Purple Rain. Why don't you look into Jesus?
You should write your own new lyrics to that.
That's how Christians really want to get somebody. Or any religion. They really want to get someone. Have some dope artwork attached to your ideology. Have something that people dig that's attached to it.
If some rock and roll star, like if there was a Jimi Hendrix alive today and he was really into one certain kind of religion. You know how many people would join that religion? A fuck load. A fuck load. How many people looked into Islam because they were Khabib Nurmagomedov fans?
I bet a lot. I bet a lot. When you can get something awesome attached to your religion, that's a good selling point. It's like being a spokesperson for...
Surprised. Scientology hasn't done that yet. I mean, they are. They have.
They fucking 100% have.
But have like a band, that's like the soundtrack to them. You know, or something.
Well, when it comes to bands, I know Beck. Beck's a Scientologist, right? Is he still a Scientologist?
I think he was and I think he backed out of it because I remember...
Are you allowed to back out?
I don't know. Because I remember when I found out I was really crushed. I was like, no! Beck!
Well, I know some really amazing Scientologists. Oh gosh. Yeah. I know quite a few of them that are really... And I think it's a compartmentalization thing.
I think, if you can shut off that part of your brain and just give it over to like an ideology, it leaves a lot of room for the other stuff. Like how much... Like I was telling you the other day, I'm sitting at home like wondering about the fate of the world. Are we literally going to be in a fucking mad... Because you don't think anything's going to go bad until it goes bad.
You know, you remember the day before 9-11?? It was just fucking normal America. Yay, yay. And then the next day, chaos. And then everyone's riding around with an American flag on their car.
Like anything can happen. And if anything does happen, like how ready... How much is the world going to change? I mean, if you think about any sort of like horrific natural disaster that has hit humanity since the beginning of time, whether it's super volcanoes or earthquakes or any of these chaotic things, when those things happen, when the Mongols roll into your town, when Nazi Germany starts taking over Europe, like fuck. We want to think that that can't happen.
But 100% that can happen. And when I fucking smile alone at night and I'm a little high, that's the thing that freaks me out the most. The thing that freaks me out the most is international conflicts between superpowers and how they're willing to kill a certain amount of people, right? So what's the number where they won't cross that line? Because if you've got groups of people that are willing to shoot missiles into apartment buildings and fly jets down and gun people down, and you've seen all those crazy drones, if we're willing to kill a certain amount of people, like, what's the line where they won't cross?
What's the line? Is it a million people? Is it a nuclear bomb? You know, what is the line?
There's probably no line.
And when you think about how much people loved America after 9-11, the whole world was like on America's side. And how much we've fucked that up in 23 years or 22 years.
Fuck that up.
Fuck that up. A million innocent people died because of the Iraq war.
Everybody knows that.
We need a 9-12 immediately. We probably are due for one.
It's scary when you see this Israel thing. It scares the shit out of me. It scares the shit out of me. Because when I see something like that happen, there's no clear way this resolves peacefully. This is bad.
This is real bad. And Israel's going to go into Palestine. They're already bombing.
And is there a retaliation for that? And what happened then? And what other countries get involved? Fuck. Fuck, man.
It just really puts into perspective that there's some shit going on that you're not thinking about because it's not in your life. So if you're a guy like you or I, let's say us, because we're comedians. So we're hanging out at the comedy club. We're doing podcasts. That's our world.
Our world is fucking around with people. Our world is telling jokes. Our world is hanging out with our friends and doing shows. Their world is killing people. Their world is controlling resources.
And it's not – they don't play fair. Like they release stories that aren't true. They use disinformation to switch narratives. They have social media posts that aren't real, so they can get people riled up about certain things. And then they're also coordinating military attacks.
That's their world. We just don't think about that world because we're not in that world. But people have been in that world since the beginning of time. What they've done with us is they've sheltered us in such a way and then censored all the mainstream media in such a way that they completely control the narrative of how you think about what can and cannot happen in the world and why these things are happening. And we're seeing that right now.
We're seeing that in your face, where you're like, what? And you're also seeing people with massive amounts of conspiracies. now. And whenever something like that happens, there's always the people that are like, how did they not know this was going to happen? Isn't this the most sophisticated surveillance systems in the world?
Israel, they're the people that invented Pegasus. That's that shit that gets on your phone, where they can listen to anybody. They have that iron dome that protects them against missiles. Did you ever see that working? They were just showing it the other night.
Show videos of the iron dome working. It's crazy. So, as Hamas is launching these missiles, they're shooting missiles at the missiles and blowing them up in the sky. It's wild.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's old school missile command. Remember that video? Yeah.
I mean, you have to be 100% accurate, because any one of these is going to kill a bunch of people. But I mean, just imagine living in Israel and you go outside and you're seeing missiles getting hit by bombs. Look at this.
Insane.
Look at this. They're just jacking them in the sky. But if they miss one, that's a wrap. I mean, how much do each one of these missiles they're shooting at these other missiles cost?
Right. That's why this thing is million dollars, million dollars, million dollars.
How are they getting all the money to shoot those missiles at Israel? Like, all of it is crazy. And someone tweeted, see if this is true, that this happened right after Biden, the Biden administration released a bunch of funds to Iran. I think it was like $6 billion.
Really?
And then these people in Hamas are thanking Iran for funding this. Wow. But what's real?
Yeah. What's real? That sounds real.
How much of this is real?
Yeah.
Have you heard of this? The Air Force successfully tested secret new stealth missile with mock nuke.
Stealth?
Stealth missile with a mock nuke. Okay. B-52.. America's nuclear weapons are aging and the Pentagon plans to spend more than $600 billion to keep the potentially world-ending weapons in fighting shape. What a great idea.
In this article. I saw it said that they were being controlled by floppy disks up until 2019..
Well, those are accurate.
Top of the food chain.
They're updating tech.
Okay, floppy disks in 2019.. But some of the old tech is still solid. The LRSO and mock nuke were fired from a B-52, a sturdy and reliable bomber, first manufactured in the 50s. The missiles are in fact designed to work with this decades-old bomber.
But a stealth nuke is crazy.
That's crazy. All of it's crazy. The fact that that's on the table, all of it's crazy. And also the fact that we haven't nuked anybody since 1945.. Nobody's nuked anybody.
That's good.
It's promising.
Right? It's promising. We had to celebrate 100 years.
But it's hard to imagine that it's going to last like that. forever. Seems like someone's going to get crazy. Yeah. That's the question.
It's like if you're willing to kill each missile's $40,000 to $50,000, according to a researcher at Israel's Institute for National Security Studies.
Wow.
Wow.
$20 million bucks.
So, yeah. So the question is where are these weapons coming from? And then there was also questions of whether or not the weapons that we left in Afghanistan were being used. Which is, that is crazy. Trump was hilarious doing this conversation about that.
Where he was telling them, like, why don't we get the weapons out of there? Why don't we fill them up with gas and drive them over to Pakistan? And he said, find a video. It was Millie. Because he's hilarious.
Trump literally acts like a comedian.
He is. I mean, he always kind of has been, right?
The first thing, yes.
Oh, okay. The Biden administration informed Congress on Monday that it has taken concrete steps to carry out a prisoner exchange with Iran, issuing a waiver that will give Tehran access to $6 billion in Iranian oil revenue that had been blocked by U.S. sanctions, according to a State Department document sent to Congress.
And that was a month ago.
That was a month ago.
Yeah.
On September 11th.
And then all these stories from the last day.
Yeah.
So they gave him a lot of funds. Yeah. And then this happens.
He needs to do a chargeback.
It's just, we are, yeah, call PayPal. Tell them, you got defrauded.
We're in the middle of a game that we don't, we're not aware of. Just like we were talking about before. Like, that's the game they play. The game they're playing is war. And money.
I mean, just the amount of money that's been spent in Ukraine. And like, what kind of accounting are you guys doing? Are you guys doing good accounting over there? Like, does everybody know where every fucking dollar went? Or is it just like, let's go crazy?
Yeah.
Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. You're talking about so much money. Like, you can shuffle it over here.
Why don't you look at Jesus?
How did you just leave weapons, too? I mean, don't? they, don't we know where all the, I mean, if we have air tags on our book bag, shouldn't they have like little air tags on them?
Dude, that whole pull out was an unmitigated disaster. Nobody thinks it was good. Nobody thinks it was good. Nobody thinks it should have been done that way. I mean, Trump was trying to pull out a long time ago.
And they were trying to figure out like how many troops you have to leave. Or maintain the base and get everybody out safe. It is, it's tricky. Because when they know you're pulling out. But the fact they left tanks and helicopters and shit, like shut the fuck up.
Yeah, it's ridiculous.
It's almost like, like if you want to go full tinfoil hat. If you want to ensure there's going to be more conflict. You leave weapons with the enemy. Awesome weapons. If you want to ensure there's going to be more military action.
These guys are pissed. You were occupying their country for 20 years. And you left behind. how many billion dollars were the tanks and shit. Of course they're going to use it.
And so you tell the military guys like we're pulling out. But here's the long play. The long play is there's, you know, no chance. They're not going to do something with all that stuff. And so we'll probably have to go back in.
And then this time we'll really go back in. And we'll get control of the lithium. Like we can't go now. Like if we go all in now. Like we got to get them to do something really stupid.
So then we can justify, like a complete takeover of the country. And annihilation of the people that are the problem. People that we left tanks behind. The thing about Afghanistan, though, is like it's so difficult to get through. You know, we think of it as like a country.
But it's mountains. It's like everything is mountains. It's incredible landscape. And there's Greek cities there. There's ancient Greek cities that were abandoned there during the time of Alexander the Great.
And no archaeologists are studying them. Like. it's amazing. It's an amazing place. And it also has crazy amounts of resources.
In terms of like. I think there's an insane amount of lithium there. There's all sorts of shit there that's like really valuable. But everybody tries to take over and they all fail miserably. It's like one of the ways that they stomped out.
the Soviet Union was funding the Mujahideen. Which later became, you know, Al-Qaeda. Or the Taliban. Was the Mujahideen, did they become the Taliban or Al-Qaeda? Either way.
Like the Russians, tried to take over forever. And then they gave up. Like fuck this. It's like too much. You can't win over there.
It's like you can't even go anywhere. You can't get through the mountains. You can't just drive. You can't just drive tanks through. It's a fucking wild place.
An almost unconquerable place.
It would be cool to see in the future if that does eventually become somewhere. you could go and enjoy the, you know.
It used to be. People used to go, there's like videos of people walking around the streets of Kabul. It used to be a place that people would go and vacation.
Yeah. Forcefields. Come on, forcefields.
Dude. None of that's going to help.
It all goes back to forcefields. Yes, if we come in and put a big forcefield there. Hmm. I don't think so. We leave our forcefields behind.
Yeah, I feel safer living in Austin now that we're in the middle of a country. Just in case of war goes crazy.
Unless they decide to like nuke Dallas.
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