What Happens When Parents Misbehave

Ariana is with us in Portland, Oregon, to start off this hour. Hey, Ariana, how are you? Good, how are you? Better than I deserve. What's?

Yes, and I found out, I looked up our statements.

When you say that out loud,

Last year, he... I'm sorry, you cut out, honey. What'd you say?

Uh-oh. Thousand. You're cutting in and out. He spent what? $14,000 last year.

Yeah, and what's your household income?

Apparently, your phone has not been paid.

I can't... Oh, you're back again. We're losing most of your phone here. Okay, so what is your household income? $83,000..

$83,000, okay. Are you somewhere where you can walk and get a better signal, maybe? Because we're losing you about every third word. All right, $85,000.. How old is your husband?

29.. Okay, all right. I have.

Something tells me this is not the only thing he's overspending on. What else is he spending?

His car. His, what? His car. His car? Car.

What's that? Yeah. He has a 91.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, that just screams money right there. I'm a stay-at-home mom,

It's over a month. I know, I know. It's $14,000 a year, and the money we're spending on the car, too. So there's something... I'm sure you're aware of this, or maybe you haven't heard, but in dealing with our phones, what we are now discovering is that a lot of the things, the games actually have them...

They've carefully designed the games to create a dopamine hit to cause you to come back again and again and again. They've designed these games to be addictive. If you're not aware of that, that's very true, okay? It's also true of, for instance, the way the videos now work on slot machines. They have carefully designed those to be addictive, and so your husband is involved in an addictive behavior loop, because if you just say what he's doing out loud, everyone that hears it except him thinks cray-cray.

Yes. They think he's nuts. I know. Okay, and so this is not a money problem. You have a husband that is addicted problem.

Now, what do you do with that? If your husband was doing cocaine, if your husband was doing pornography, if your husband was doing some other form of addiction, what would you do? Well, you would demand that he get some help, and you would begin to see someone to build language and a narrative, to talk to him in such a way that he starts to understand that he's destroying himself and his family with this.

Oh, yeah, you are. You're talking to an addict. I just feel like I'm nagging.

It doesn't make any sense, and so, but what you do need to do is sit down with someone that can give you some language that says, okay, this is terrifying me. I have a baby, and I feel like I am in the house with a cocaine addict. Right. Because you are exhibiting the exact same behaviors as a.

We don't need any more evidence. That's established. Does he think that there's a problem at all,

With lots of urgency. And so, are you guys, by chance, in a good church? No, we're not. Who is in his life that can talk to him, that will listen to him?

I think that we'd have to hire somebody that doesn't know us because he doesn't have a father.

Okay. And set an appointment and go. Okay. Regardless of whether he goes or not, you go without him. Okay.

And have that person start to teach you how to speak to an addict to give you any possibility of getting through the fog of this into his brain. And he remembers that he's a husband and a father more than he is a game player on a freaking iPhone. Right. I don't care how much he works. It doesn't mean you don't.

Just because you work a lot doesn't mean you get to do cocaine.

Sorry, that's not how this works.

I know that's right. I have no idea, but he'll have another one by morning if he's not. well. That's true. This is the Ramsey Show.

And, based on the data, I know this is happening to you, too. Comparison is wired into us, but comparison can also become the thief of joy, because we can feel like we're not enough and begin acting and thinking in ways we would never think otherwise. When it all gets to be too much, think about contacting BetterHelp. BetterHelp is 100 percent online therapy staffed with licensed therapists. It's convenient, flexible and suited to fit your schedule.

And, by the way, therapy isn't just for those who've experienced major trauma. It's for all of us who are ready to get out of the comparison spin cycle and find our own peace and joy in the life we're creating. Stop comparing and start focusing with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Deloney today to get 10 percent off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com, slash Deloney.

now. We have $8,500 in a cash emergency fund. So that's about three months of our fixed expenses. And then, beyond that, we have just about $7,000 in the bank and two paid off used cars.

So there's that. So we have that bucket. We have a beginning of a Roth IRA.

That's another bucket. And then we have a down payment for a house bucket.

I would make some tweaks.

The prerequisites financially was it's a total of $28,000, $15,000 in house and investments.

savings, $5,000 for a birthing fund and then the $8,500 emergency fund.

That's your three months. Is she planning on working after the baby is born?

And then also, how much money, just in general, should we have laying around before putting a kid in this world?

Oh, definitely. I mean, can you not sell the stock?

You can't sell it ever except back to the company. It's a restricted, privately held company. It does not have a public exchange to it. And you have absolutely no control over its value, none whatsoever. So if they want to give me some stock, sure, I'll take that.

I mean, a free gift of anything. I'll just about take, as long as it's moral.

But investing in this, you're a minority shareholder. You have zero power to tell anybody what to do with anything. You're at their mercy, at the mercy of the handful of people that make the decision whether this goes up in value due to the way we run the company and make the decision as to whether there's any dividend distribution or not. And so I don't want to own any of that personally. And I'm certainly not going to pay for the opportunity to sort of own it by borrowing it.

No, I think we'll just let them have it back, man. That's what I would do.

Let's just say he bought into it and there's no dividends paying out. There is no... What did he think he was going to get?

That's what they call it. Privately held, closely held. And so what he was hoping was to ride the value up as the value of the... As the company becomes more successful and cash out someday.

This is the Ramsey Show.

Buying your first home is a big deal and sets the stage for your financial success. So work with a mortgage advisor you trust, not just some random website. Churchill Mortgage is Ramsey trusted because they help you avoid hidden traps and expertly guide you through every step. Learn more at churchillmortgage.com.

Brentwood, Tennessee 37027..

The National Retail Federation, believes Americans will continue spending this holiday season despite inflation. And they have proven it. Halloween alone is expected to reel in $12.2 billion, with the average participant spending $108.24.. This marks a $2 billion jump compared to last year for Halloween. Frightening.

$2 billion. That's frightening. Boo. Americans are expected to spend $4.1 billion on costumes alone.

I'm, I'm a gal. I just, I can't get my, it's not good. It's a catastrophe. What do you think about?

Guys in the booth, like that one. Catastrophe.

That's why you get the big bucks. Well, here's a.

if you're whining about student loan forgiveness. Oh, you should not be buying your pet or yourself a costume. If you've not been generous and given more than that amount away to someone, a human being that's in need, like a hungry child versus your shih tzu with a tutu. I'm glad you said shih tzu. I'm just saying.

Unbelievable. Yeah. I mean, it's okay if you want to dress your pet up, but if your generosity factor is lower than your personal costume combined with your pet costume, you have issues. If you're broke and your kid is taking out a student loan because you don't have any money and they're going to college, but your Labrador retriever, or worse, your golden doodle, is all doodled up, then, I mean, again, the issue is not actually the actual spending. The issue is what you're not doing while you're spending this.

That's right. Yeah. In a country where all we hear about is all this drama about how house prices are so high. You boomers don't understand. You were able to buy a house for $13 and you don't understand.

You're right. We don't understand. while you're dressing up your golden doodle for Halloween. We don't understand. We think you're.

It makes you look as stupid as you are when you do that stuff. So it's okay. Celebrate Halloween. Celebrate Christmas. Celebrate your pets.

Spend money on your pets. I don't care. But then don't tell me that there's hungry children in your neighborhood or within 25 miles of where you're sitting right now. And you haven't done something about feeding them. That's very good.

That's just wrong. I mean, we live in the wealthiest nation the world has ever known in terms of total dollars. And, and we prove it with this, these kinds of numbers. And so I really am not the Grinch. I'm not against Christmas.

And I guess the Grinch was probably for Halloween. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know his stance on the Grinch. I haven't checked the Grinch on Halloween, but it's probably pro Halloween.

But, um, you know, either way, I'm not, I'm not against all this. I don't, I'm not against fun. I like fun. Fun's a good thing. But you shouldn't do it at the expense?

Papa Dave didn't get one. So it's just, it's not that I, you know, I'm not against large skeletons. I'm perfectly good. If you're a large skeleton, you're on my team. I'm just saying I'm, I'm, I'm for you.

I'm for the large skeleton, the, the large skeleton union. We're in good shape. I'm, I support the union, but the, uh, oh, my gosh, y'all. seriously. 12.2 b-b-b-billion.

B-b-b-billion. That's a lot. That's a thousand million. It says it's record spending. Oh, it is record spending in one of the worst economies.

I mean, the economy this time. last year was boomtown compared to right now.

Because when I go to Home Depot, people are buying the skeletons. And when I go to dinner, it's packed full in there.

I guess that's the plan. It's kind of like during, uh, the Fauci pandemic when the, uh, booze sales.

I know it's a strain, but put down your phone and think. Think. Because if you in one breath are saying how horrible the world is, and in another breath are spending $800 for a giant skeleton in your front yard, something's off in your little deal right there, baby. You need to think. You need to think this through.

And so taking care of your kids, taking care of your adult responsibilities, and having a party can all happen at the same time. There is not a problem with that. Got no issue with that at all. But you can't just, you can't have it both ways. Not and look intelligent.

I mean, you look foolish when you try to do it both ways. It just, it doesn't play through for you. So consumers will be shopping early for festive decor and other related items. Retailers are prepared with the inventory, to help customers and their families take part in this popular and fun devil worship. I mean, tradition.

You sounded like my parents.

Couldn't resist. Couldn't resist. We made it too easy. It's an underhand pitch. It was.

This is the Ramsey Show.

I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that people have started buying life insurance to protect their families at levels not seen since the 1980s. The bad news is many of are still buying crappy cash value type plans. I don't care what you call them. Whole life, universal, variable, adjustable, flexible.

They're nothing but a waste of your money. Don't be confused and let someone sell you a plan that sounds better than it really is. Look, term life is the only way to go. Rates are back to all time lows and the process to apply is easier than ever, with many companies no longer requiring exams. You need to protect your family and use your money for as much smarter things than investing in a ripoff cash value insurance policy.

Go to Zander.com or call 800-356-4282 and just compare pricing. You'll see why these are the only plans I recommend. Take care of your family and do it in a smarter way.

Jade Walsh, our Ramsey personality, is my co-host today. Kyle is in Nashville. Hi, Kyle. Welcome to the Ramsey Show.

One is a little bit more straightforward. The other one probably a little bit more complex. So, the short one is I'm 29.. I have a seventh month old baby and I have another baby coming in May. Yay!

Which will be very exciting, yes. But with that, I'm struggling to figure out, given that, and also being an entrepreneur, like, I, feel like I should have more than six months emergency fund save. So, I'm trying to figure out what's the right number there. And I'm kind of feeling like, no matter where I get it to,

Probably pretty unlikely. Yeah. Because as an entrepreneur, you would like get a job. True. Before that happened, right?

Yes, sir. Or you'd close that business, start another one. I don't know. But I've been an entrepreneur my whole life. I've never gone six months without an income.

I've never gone a month without an income. And I've been through some pretty catastrophic bullcrap, but I still didn't.

What do you do? What's your self-employed work? What do you do? I have a video production firm. Does your business have savings?

That's why you're thinking about this, because you're concerned about taking care of your babies. That's what's making you think about this. But your math is fine. But the fact that you're worried about this, it doesn't mean your system's broken. All that means is you're a good man.

You just looked around and went, I've got responsibilities and I need to act like it.

So you're good. You're good.

Let's say you had seven months instead of six months and you didn't reallocate it. That's not going to keep you from becoming a millionaire. You understand? But continually adding to that and looking up, there's $107,000 in there because you continually haven't dealt intellectually with this emotional concern. Then yeah, then you've gotten yourself.

So with bonuses, take home is between like.

What's your taxable income? That's it.

No, you have 24,000. is your house payment for six months. Yeah. So 50 or 60 grand is probably enough. Yeah.

But the point is you can't keep doing what you're doing and you can't make 100 into 200 and a 300 into 400 in savings and high-yield savings. That doesn't make it smart. High-yield savings isn't even keeping up with inflation. So, I mean, you got Biden inflation at 9%, high-yield savings paying four or five. So you're running backwards on every one of those dollars.

Anything beyond that, I'm going to throw it at the house and I'm going to start throwing everything at the house from now on, beyond 15%, following the baby steps exactly. So, yeah, your income was a little skewed, more than I thought. For some reason, I had a more normal income in my head, but you're making a lot of money.

How are you?

And I haven't listened to your show a whole lot. You've probably covered this, but

I'm 64.. Right around the same time my lease is up, I will turn 65, go on Medicare.

I'm semi-retired. I have a little business. I run out of my home. So, I'm trying to decide. This is my fourth lease in a row.

Investments and savings in retirement?

In cash, I've probably... Hang on. Let me look at my stuff here. I mean, in cash, I have $50,000 to $60,000 in cash.

Like retirement investments or 401k or Roth IRA or something like that. you're not telling me about yet?

And so, if you backed into the actual interest that you're paying, and you can back it out of numbers, if you know how to run the numbers on this, that you're going to find 10% to 20% interest somewhere in. there is what you're paying. The average nationally is 14.2%. So, consumer reports, many other people have documented that the car lease is the most expensive way to operate a vehicle. Never lease a car.

Okay? Rule number two, never invest in a brand new vehicle unless you've got a net worth in excess of a million dollars. And the reason is that new vehicles go down faster in value. You lose more money, and you don't have the money to lose. In your case, you don't have the money to lose.

You're 65 years old. You've got a paid-for home. You got $200,000 to your name. You don't have $2 million to your name. And so, you don't need to turn a $50,000 car into a $10,000 car over the next six years, which is what's going to happen if you're driving one.

So, buy a one- or a two-year-old used car and pay cash for it for the rest of your life. unless you inherit some money or get some money and end up with over a million dollar net worth. Do not buy new cars, folks. You can't afford the loss. And you certainly can't afford to lease them and get fleeced.

It's the most expensive way to operate a vehicle. Drive a one- or a two-year-old car, they're perfectly fine, and pay cash for them. This is the Ramsey Show.

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual, amazing relationships. Jade Walsh, our Ramsey personality, is my co-host today. The phone number is 888-825-5225.. Justin is in Houston, Texas. Hi, Justin.

How are you?

She has two kids right now, a 13-year-old son and a 5-year-old daughter. About two years ago, her son, Brandon, wanted to start making his own money because they live pretty poor. He only makes about $18,000 or $19,000 a year. He wanted some money because he's an Astros fan. He wants to go to games.

He wants to wear a jersey. He wants to work and make his own money. He actually handwrote letters. There's his neighborhood next to the apartment they live in. He went around distributing these handwritten letters.

Hey, I'll mow your lawn for $40.. Give me a call. He started getting calls. He borrowed my lawnmower for a while, started making his own money. He bought his own and even looked up YouTube videos on how to take care of it, how to oil it and take care of the blades.

I'm so proud of him. I'm so proud of him for taking this initiative. Well, a little while later, the money he had in his drawer from working, his mom took it, saying, well, no, what do you mean? I didn't know you had this much money. We got bills to pay.

So much so he started hiding what he was making. About a year ago, he actually had enough saved to buy a riding lawnmower. He bought it from a pawn shop for about $900.. Again, I'm thrilled with him. He's looking at YouTube videos, taking care of it, how to maintain it.

He borrowed my flatbed trailer just so he could keep it at the house. That way, whenever he had a client, I would help him out on the weekends. I would just go there,

He's crushed. He's devastated. I go there because I'm that close to them. I care about them. I want to find out what's going on.

All she tells me is that we need to pay bills. I need $500.. Sorry, I had to tell them. She's unapologetic about it. At this point, he's crying right there.

His eyes are like cherries. He's devastated. He just stands up, walks to her and says, I can't be your son because you're not a mother right now. You're a monster and stormed off. He might have thrown in a four-letter word or two, which I'm not to say on radio.

At this point...

I needed to do something. That's what was available. I had to do what I had to do. The second of all was, and I swear, this is a very small defense for her. That is how we were raised.

That's how our moms raised us. That's how our grandmother raised them. Whenever you start working, you pitch in. There's no age requirement. When I got my first job at 15, the first thing my mom wanted to know was, okay, when are you getting paid?

We got this bill to pay. We were taught not to question it. Really, I don't know what to tell them. I don't know what the, quote, Ramsey's solution is on kids working, trying to earn their own money. Should they pitch in, or is the money theirs?

I'm a lost word because I don't have kids myself.

I don't really know what to tell her at this point. I care more about their relationship. I don't think she cares what.

I think she blames.

It sounds like she thinks that this is right.

Like Dave said, I don't think she cares what you think at all. She thinks that this is the best way to go.

Obviously, I can look at this situation and see many, many things wrong with it. A, she's not earning enough money. It sounds like an able-bodied, healthy woman who could go out and earn more than $18,000 or $19,000 a year. It sounds like she needs to apply herself. She could earn double this next week.

Run over to Walmart. They're paying 20 bucks an hour. It's a lot more than she's making now. She could work 60 hours a week before I take money from my own kid. She has character issues.

You can blame it on your family tree if you want to, but just because misbehavior is part of your family heritage doesn't mean that it's a good.

We want you to pitch in. Some of the money you make, you ought to pitch in here in the family. Demand that of him. You could do that, but that's different than stealing out of his underwear drawer or selling his lawnmower when he's not home. That's cowardly.

She did that.

I'd probably bring that up. If it were my brother or sister, I'm really trying to put myself in your shoes. If it were my brother or sister and I saw that, I think that I would approach it in that way. Like what Dave said, I'd say, look, if you need help around the family, which, by the way, you shouldn't, but if you did, why can't you be a grown adult and model what a grown adult conversation would be like and say to him, hey, this month is tight. Would you mind helping out?

Or I need you to help out. Or I'm?

It sounds like you have a fairly close relationship to her and it sounds like she has, she's off base. And so you need to take her to coffee and say, all right, sis, here's what's going on. You don't make enough money. Your job sucks and you don't work much. You need to work more and you need to get a better job so you don't have to steal from your own kid.

And I'll help you do that. I'll coach you along. Sis, I'll help you get into Financial Peace University. I'll help you get on a budget. I'll help you start acting like an adult.

So you're, as an adult, not dependent upon a 13 year old to quote pay bills. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Putting your family in that position when you're able, bodied and can make enough to take care of your family instead of scarfing from your family. And so that's me and her having a conversation at coffee. But there's nothing that requires her to do that in the law.

And you can't make people do smart stuff. If you could, I'd have been out of business a long time ago.

Halloween bump music, huh? All right. The booth dudes, ladies and gentlemen, bringing you what's known as production value. Open phones at 888-825-5225.. Laura is with us in West Palm Beach, Florida.

Hey, Laura, what's up?

And you know how? I know that I've got a thousand people working in this building in a white collar setting. I've got everything from computer programmers, web designers, creatives, production people. I've got lots of people in the communications field. I can't tell you a single one off the top of my head that I pay money to, I'm their boss, that I know what their degree is.

I don't know if Jade has a degree.

The knowledge to do the job would be relevant, but the actual degree keeping someone from getting a great paying job, lots of people in this building make an incredible money. And I couldn't tell you a single one of them's degree. Actually, I take that back. I have an on-staff counsel, that is our staff attorney. I do know that he has a law degree.

Yeah. That one I do know. And I actually know where his law degree is from, oddly enough. But I couldn't tell you the other lawyers that we've hired where they went to school. even.

So where you went to school, or the fact that you have a degree in most fields today does not hold you back. What does hold you back is connectivity to the subject at hand. What is it you want to work in? Do you know enough about it? Do you have enough knowledge base?

And connectivity to the people in that building or in that organization that you want to be a part of? that lets you have a chance to go. prove yourself. But this idea that there's some kind of vague veil out there, that only the people with degrees get behind the veil, that's old-fashioned mythology. And the last time that was true was probably 20 years ago.

Are you any good?

Are you doing something to?

Yes. What? What are you doing? I'm getting certifications online, actively researching what's new in the industry. To me, that's more valuable.

That's way more valuable.

Graduates with a degree in communication that come out or a degree in journalism that come out, that want to write, very seldom make 50k out of the gate. Very few of them, first job out, make 50k right now.

Communications degree and journalism degree. just don't pay that much. Journalism is worse.

Right. It's absolutely horrid. I almost wonder.

Or, you know, writing ad copy or something that, you know, that's a skill, that's a unique skill set that's very valuable. Yeah. Because when you can do that well, it creates an instant ROI for the people you wrote the ad for. And then you go, oh, she's a studly copywriter. I need her writing this.

Or is she writing digital narratives for marketing campaigns? What is it? Because just a content person, today there's so much content out there. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

And good quality content delivered in a way that actually communicates is not a skill set that you get from a four-year communications degree. It's a skill set you get from writing a lot with other high quality, world-class writers, looking over your work and questioning you and measuring the results of your work. And so I'll give you an example. We're editing a book of mine right now. The old Total Money Makeover book sold 10 million copies.

We're working on it. They haven't done a new issue of it in like a decade. We're going to do a new issue in the spring. So we're going through the stupid thing with a fine-tooth comb, looking at every detail and every statistic that's in there. that's outdated.

Right. And some of the examples we have from 15 years ago, the home price examples, are humorous. You know, they're hilarious. So we're going through and changing all that. So I'm not personally doing it.

I read through it this weekend. I read through the work that our writers have done. But the quality of their writing, we could tell by how much correction I sent back. Wow. You know?

Yeah. And so how valuable is that young guy that's doing, Nick is doing that writing and they're pretty dead gun. valuable, because I didn't find a lot wrong with it. His math was excellent. That's excellent.

And his ability to grasp what we were trying to say and saying it better in a new world. Just modernizing it. You know, it was excellent. I mean, there's probably 800 entries in there, or something like that of changes, and I probably didn't touch 100 of them. That's pretty good.

Wow, that is pretty good. You know, I mean, that's exactly what you learn to do. I mean, that's your world. They don't teach you how to do that. That's what I'm saying.

If she were to go back to.

The number of people that write a hit song by themselves is unusual. It's very. Yeah, it's always a group. Almost always. I've got a buddy on a sat down and I had this hook and he added this lyric.

Yeah. And that melody shifted. And I've heard that story from songwriters in Nashville thousands and thousands of times over the years. And it's all there was, was they good, got in a room and made each other better. Yeah.

Or, if she starts freelancing, that'll tell.

I would spend a ton of effort in getting better. I agree. All of you out there, the knowledge currency is what's important. Knowledge is the currency that gets you in the door, keeps you in the door and moves you up the ladder. Knowledge.

So how do you? how do you get in the door, move up the ladder? You get more and more knowledge. So you're always adding knowledge. You're always adding tools to your belt.

The rest of your life. If the last time you read a nonfiction book was when you were in school, you're failing. You're destined for mediocrity. Read a nonfiction book, particularly in your area of expertise, for God's sakes. You know, lean in, learn something new, learn something new.

Hey, when I started Ramsey, they hadn't invented the Internet. yet. If I had learned something new, most of you 20 million people wouldn't even be out there right now. You have to learn something new all the time, every day, every week, every year. You got to get better.

You're the answer. Knowledge is the currency, boys and girls, not degrees. This is the Ramsey Show.

Jade Walsh, our Ramsey personality, is my co-host today. The Ramsey Show question of the day is brought to you by Neighborly, your hub for home services. Neighborly is one place that brings together a nationwide family of locally operated providers to help you take care of repairs, routine maintenance, or home improvements. Go to Neighborly.com slash Ramsey today and start.

I will be living in the property, but it will be divided and the other side will be rented. I was pre-approved for $325,000.. My mom and the realtor we are working with are telling me that we have to put offers on properties at full asking price, but I'm concerned about this. I'm 23 years old. I only make $36,000 a year as a medical assistant and currently owe $10,000 on student loans.

Should I wait before I make such a big investment? Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Okay, let's look at some red flags here. Number one, you make $36,000 a year.

That's quite low. It's half of the national average. Yeah, that's quite, quite low. And you're wanting to buy a quarter of a million dollar house, over a quarter million dollar house, $325,000.. The reason you feel nervous and the reason that you feel like you can't breathe, because it's literally like John Delaney would say, it's your body telling you there's something wrong.

And when there's something wrong, don't ignore it. Let's look at what's wrong. And you can see what the problem is here. You understand that the only way that you're getting this loan is your mom would be signing for it. That means if you can't get a loan on your own, it means that all of the loan companies know this is a bad idea.

You can't pay. And the only way that we mitigate some of this risk is we bring on someone who we think might be able to pay when you won't be able to make the payment. And in that case, this would be your mother. And she probably thinks that she's being sweet for saying, oh, I'll sign for you. I want you to have this home.

But it's a horrible idea because you know, and I know, that you're not making a lot of money. You still have debt. And the chances of you not being able to make this payment is high, not to mention there's the renting side about this. It sounds like you are both dependent on a renter to live on the other side in order to make this payment, which again is creating a lot of risk. Yeah, this is a mess,

You're going to be a homeowner. Yeah, you're 23.. It's okay. You're going to make it. Okay.

But your mom has been controlling this entire conversation. Yeah. And maybe it's time that you just said, mom, you know, I love you. And I'm just not going to do this right now. And that's going to do a lot of things for you and your mom.

One is she's not going to get to control you with the purchase. She and the realtor are telling you what to do. Do you not hear that? It was very clear in the language that you used. You're being treated like a little girl.

Like your mom's pretty, she may mean well, but she's pretty stinking controlling here. And she loves the fact she needs to co-sign. She loves the fact that you are dependent upon her, because now she gets to tell you what to do even more. So you need to break free of mommy. Mommy needs to be a grownup and Addie needs to be a grownup.

Yeah, because what happened to be separated from mommy? and enjoy mommy as a peer, not as a controlling mother of a 23 year old treating you like, like you're 13.. You're not making a decision in this entire thing. Every one of these decisions are being made by someone else and pushed upon you. You need to stiff arm this back, step back, breathe, get you a nice little apartment and a great life.

And let all those people go do their little lives. And then, when you get ready to buy a house, you'll be in.

Um, so first of all, Jade, I'm a huge fan. I've seen your debt-free screen about a hundred times. It's fascinating to me. It's awesome. It is awesome.

I am, I am, I've been married for 12 years. Um, my husband and I have three kids. We're have almost a hundred thousand dollars in total debt and we're on baby step two. Um, and when we pay off these small cards, you know, that's, that's great. That's a great morale booster.

I would say it's, it's easy, um, instant satisfaction. And we have some bigger balances that are coming up that I know are not going to have that, that, that instant gratification. Um, so what I'm asking is, how can I keep morale and encouragement with my husband and I in between, as we come into these larger balances that we know are going to take longer and there's not going to be some instant gratification there. Yeah. What are, what are the biggest balances that you have?

We have two $20,000 cards and one $20,000 student loan debt.

when you got 20,000, you got to put 2000,, not 150..

He wasn't listed. That obviously comes with more income. Okay. And he gets promoted next week. So that's a significant.

You don't need to pay that.

File a police report and tell the police, you know, where the criminal is. Oh, I'm not kidding at all. Yeah. Right. Who steals from their own kid?

That's a great question. People that go to jail. That's who it is. Yeah.

But the deal is still this, you got $95,000 coming in. That is not all going to $10,000 worth of debt that your parents took out in your name. Where the flip is all your money going?

Have you got a Ford tattoo on your forehead? Do they own you? You should get one. They own you.

It is cars. You guys got car disease.

Listen, tickets for the Live Like No One Else cruise are selling fast. This is the ultimate debt-free vacation, and I can't wait to celebrate with all the folks who've worked their butts off and changed their family trees. We will be sailing through the blue waters of the Caribbean with the Ramsey personalities and other special guests. A bunch of cabin options are already sold out, so hurry and reserve yours with a $600 deposit today at RamseySolutions.com slash events.

Jade Walsh, our Ramsey personality, is my co-host today. Donnie is in St. Louis. Hi, Donnie. Welcome to the Ramsey Show.

I'll give you the rundown here, just in case you need all this information. I'm going to be 47 next month. My wife and I recently married. We've been together for three years. We each have three kids from a previous marriage, so six kids total.

We are both debt-free. We are a fully funded emergency fund.

When the kids are growing on. in eight years, we want to move, get a house. that's ours.

Oh, not for eight years. No, I don't want to do that. Move into something that's fun, even if it's just around the corner and it's just not broken.

It's gone down. The market's down since July, but since January 1, it's up 9.5%.

But yeah, that's the only thing I've personally been able to see. And I see it every week because I constantly, I get paid weekly. So I keep track of what I contribute versus how much it's worth.

Even if you lost some money, it's not the end of the world in your whole scenario here. So if you want to use the S&P, as long as you can handle it, that's fine. But the way your brain's working on the market, I'm not sure you should do it.

That's the average for five years. So the last five, as of today.

But since July this year, the market is down. Sure. And because what we're seeing, we're seeing the high interest rates under the Biden Fed. They're driving the housing market to a screeching halt, and it's affecting a whole bunch of other things. Retailers are really freaking out about Christmas.

They're starting to worry that it's going to be a really slow Christmas. A lot of people barking about recession, but I don't know. We'll see. We're in an election year, coming up on into an election year. So we'll see how this plays out.

But anyway, all that to say, Donnie, you have a perception of the market that is based on last week's paycheck. So if that's how you're going to measure it, you should not put money into an S&P.

How can we help?

But I'm due with a baby in six weeks. And y'all have always said to, you know, when you get to that point, pump the brakes and just save up. Yeah. So that's what we're doing now. But, you know, come January, after she's born, barring any complications, we'll start back intense again.

Or by the time we pay it off, and if we stick to the snowball schedule, I've ran all the numbers multiple times. It always comes out to April of 2025..

You don't buy a piece of junk, you know, because you just look like the way it looked or something. But I mean, actually check out the mechanical background. There's lots of really good cars for $7,000, really nice cars. And so, yeah, I would sell that puppy and be out of debt. There's no way I'm fighting with a stupid vehicle for three years.