Madeline Argy: My Breakup Story [VIDEO]
2023-09-27 01:05:33
The most-listened to podcast by women. Alex Cooper’s Call Her Daddy has been creating conversation since 2018. Cooper cuts through the BS with topics and guests - asking the burning questions you want the answers to. There will be laughter, there will be tears. There will be everything in between. New episodes drop on Wednesday and Sunday. Want more? Join the Daddy Gang @callherdaddy
Daddy Gang, welcome back to another episode of Call Her Dad fuck. Hold on, sorry, I usually have this on silent. Let me take this. This might be an emergency. Hello.
Hi Alex, my flight back to London got cancelled and I'm stranded in New York. Do you know anyone here I can hang out with? I have so much time to kill.
You're in New York City right now. Yes, Madeline. Yes, I've got you.
I mean, I guess it's fine, don't stress, I can just stay in and watch movies.
No, no, no, no, you're not watching a actually a movie-.
I have an idea stay put, do not move.
Daddy Gang Little turn of events This was supposed to be a solo episode. But do you remember when I said, we're ramping it up for season 4? That we're gonna get to know people even more? Which sometimes means I need to get my ass out of this chair and leave the studio. Well, Madeline R.G. just called, and she's currently stuck in New York City, which weirdly works out.
I don't see Madeline often because she lives in the UK. I live in L.A. but what's in the middle of those two? New York fucking city? I remember the first time that I came across Madeline's content.
I was scrolling on TikTok and I was watching all the good videos. You know, I'm watching someone make a tuna casserole, I'm watching dog videos, I'm watching girls shake their tits. And then I come across this girl telling a really riveting story about giving herself a colonoscopy.
And in that moment, I fell in love with Madeline and you are about to fall in love with Madeline as well.
Hi guys, hi guys, hey guys, hey. Um, here's the deal.
I just thought, maybe we could chat.
927,307,000.
That's how many views this 22-year-old girl has amassed in only two years on the platform.
I just gave myself a fucking at-home colonoscopy. Madeline R.G. gets on this app every day and tells the most vile, disgusting story, a gangrene in one of my NIPs substance excrement. These bitches could literally see the shit out of me.
My little bitch is how I do my eyelashes, and we will smash that like button so fast. Oh my god.
I hope you recovered from Miami and you're well rested. I'm fucking not, I'm still hungover. It is time to get up and do it again. Daddy gang, apparently, because guess what?
We're going to New York, so Madeline R.G. I hope you're ready. Welcome to call her daddy.
What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, we call her daddy.
Alex, What is going on?
You said that you wanted to have a movie night. I got you, let's go to a movie premiere, come on.
Hey.
How was your night last night, Madeline?
Pretty good. How was your night last night, Alex?
Pretty good, are you hungover?
A little bit, what about you?
Me too, just a little bit. We may need a little hair of the dog.
I think so.
Did you have fun?
I had a lot of fun.
You did. It doesn't look like that in the photos.
Let's talk about it, Madeline, talk to me about the photos.
That's just my face. I was having such a good time, but I either look terrified or like I'm grieving.
Guys, last night we went to the premiere of my fiancé's movie, Love at First Sight. Did you like the movie?
Oh my God, it was so good.
I was about to say, you can't say it was shit, you're obviously going to say it was good.
No, I was bored out my mind.
I'm going to be really honest, I can't see anything.
Neither can I.
So maybe we should dine on our date and actually be able to make eye contact.
Okay.
I'll take mine off if you take yours off, okay?
Oh my God, it's so much better.
I know you like to be pretty lonesome. That's why I booked this entire restaurant just for the two of us.
Yeah, I thought it was a bit intense for a first date.
Oh, I thought you were going to thank me.
I'll thank you later.
Would you consider yourself an introvert?
Can you not tell from the videos last night? People always think I'm having a bad time and it makes me feel bad because they'll come up to me. Like Alex, the majority of people that came up to me last night were like, Are you okay? I was like, I'm fine.
Doesn't that make it worse, though?
It makes it way worse.
Like, why are you asking someone? I get it if you're like sobbing in the corner?
But like, if someone's not directly talking to me, I'm this is my face, cause what am I? what else am I going to do?
Right, just like, be in the corner, just smiling. Can you talk to me a little bit about your family?
In my house, it's me, my mom and my sister. I mean, it was obviously not anymore, and my dad left when I was like six and married the woman he's still with now, she has two kids that I don't really know. Even though we technically grew up together. I swear I've had three conversations with them in my entire life.
How was it explained to you when your dad left?
Okay, so actually kind of embarrassing. I didn't understand, and like, I didn't say that, I didn't understand, so no one thought.
To clear things up with me, I thought he was going on vacation. And then after like six months, I was like, Where the fuck is dad? And yeah, he never came back. I was like, What the hell?
But we didn't see him for like ages after he left, not ages, but like a considerable amount of time after he left.
I don't know where I even got Australia from. I was like, Yeah, he's gone.
You're like, where do people go on vacation? Dad's definitely not Australia. Did you ever have like a conversation with your dad? Did you ever close things out like?
What's your relationship like with him now?
Me and my dad have had, like, a bit of a crazy ride with our relationship. We're so similar, and I'm now realizing that, like, now, we have a pretty good relationship. But when I was younger, like, I didn't want to go to his house on the weekends, it's where I started getting panic attacks.
Because I think I was just too young and like, I'm a big mommy's girl, like I need to be with my mommy still now. So I basically just asked my mom if I could stop visiting him. And like, I just stopped visiting him. And like, he didn't really protest it.
I definitely didn't protest it. And then I had, like, virtually no relationship with him for like, years, until I got a little bit older. And was like, okay. I understand who he is as a person and like, I would like a relationship with him, that's like, stronger.
So I kind of made more effort, which I think was like what the relationship needed, which obviously I couldn't offer when I was like seven.
That is interesting to hear, like, you are the one that reached out. Because I'm sure like, there's a lot of people that listen that are like, maybe have kind of a broken relationship with a parent and don't know how to repair it.
Like, did you just like, wake up one day and you were like, I'm going to do this? Or was it kind of like, on your mind for a while?
It was on my mind for a while. And then I think I got a really good therapist who explained something to me about why I am the way I am. And it literally changed my whole perspective on myself.
Could you share it with us?
He basically was like, I think that you were just a very intuitive child. Because I was like, why am I like feeling so many things? And my sister's not? I was like, why did my childhood affect me like this and not my sister?
I was, like, confused. So he was like, I think you were a very intuitive child and you were picking up on things that weren't like an adult wouldn't think you were seeing or feeling. And it stressed you out.
And then it gave you all these like emotions that you had, and it affected your relationship with your parents. But they didn't understand why, because they didn't think you were, like, privy to this situation. Oh, interesting.
And so then I kind of was like, okay? And I started to think about it in the context of, like, my relationship with my dad. Just gaining perspective that you gain with like, a bit of age. And I was like, okay, like now that I understand myself a bit and why I felt like that.
And I kind of see where he's coming from and why, maybe he did certain things and why he is the way he is. And then I was kind of just like, he's a nice guy. Like, I don't need to feel like this weird anger or like resentment that I had felt as a kid, because like, I didn't understand my emotions.
So I think he's always kind of made an effort to have a relationship. Like he'll invite me over for dinner and stuff and like, now, I make sure I go like at least every couple months and see them and sit down and have a meal.
Talking kind of about like you, when you would go to your dad's house and you would get panic attacks. What was your situation like in school, like? were you able to have, like, a normal school experience? what was that like?
I have not had a normal school experience. I found documents and no one will explain them to me. That said that I was in like therapy from like, six years old or five years old, and I'm like, why was I there? I don't remember going.
But like, I think I've had issues since fucking birth. And also I was in special education classes until like, year four, which is like third grade. Because everyone thought I was completely illiterate, because I was so shy that I was a selective mute.
And so my teachers were like, Oh my God, this bitch like she can't do anything, she can't read, she can't write.
She can't do math, she can't talk, she's way behind developmentally. And then I would come home and I'd be like reading novels to my mom, like writing sonnets.
So when my mom heard from the school that I was like in these classes, she was like, What the fuck?
She's like, Wait, Madeline is actually really smart. Why is she getting held back? and they're like, she doesn't speak? Wait. Oh, that's so interesting.
Did you have friends in school?
I had one friend and I would whisper things to her and then she would tell my teacher what I wanted to say. So, like, I was like, seriously shy. I remember at preschool, I knew one of my preschool teachers for like, when I was an adult. And she told me this story that I, like, wouldn't look at anyone.
I wouldn't speak, I wouldn't hold anyone's hand, I wouldn't take drinks, I wouldn't eat food, like, couldn't do anything.
And apparently one day, I like, reached up and I like, wrapped my whole hand around one of her fingers to like, hold her hand. And she just looked down and was like, like, it was like the biggest honor that I'd actually like, felt confident enough to hold her hand?
But also, I didn't know how to hold hands because my mom's disabled and so I would hold her fingers. So I, like, held this woman's finger, thinking like, this is how you hold hands.
Wait, stop. The woman's literally like, finally, like, she's not speaking, but she's at least like touching me.
Can you talk a little bit about your mom? Are you comfortable with that? Just so people have context of just like growing up and her situation and everything.
So my mom is disabled, she is a thalidomide baby. It was a morning sickness pill given to women in the 60s, so my grandma took it whilst pregnant with my mom, and it stopped the fetus growing the day it was taken.
Basically, so some people with thalidomide are really, really affected, like no eyes, no ears, no limbs, brain damage. And then the other end of the spectrum is like you miss a finger, or you miss an ear, like it can be really minor or really severe.
So my mom kind of sits in the middle, so it's her arms and her neck that are affected. All of them have kind of slight shoulders. She has arms down to like your elbow, so she has like a forearm and then deformed hands.
And she has definitely not ten fingers, I couldn't tell you, but some of them are stuck together, and then her hands are like, not regular hands.
But she's very like my whole life growing up, like I never thought, like, Oh, my mom's disabled. I thought it was so cool because like, she came into my primary school when I joined.
And Like, basically introduced herself so none of the kids would like say anything or like, stare. And like, did like, a whole like, I'm this person and this is my situation. And then she would like help out in my class. So all my friends knew her and no one thought it was weird or anything.
Which definitely was like a good thing that she did, because kids can be horrible. But never in my life has anyone said anything mean to me about my mom. Like she handles herself so brilliantly and, like, has always taken time to, like, introduce herself.
Have you learned anything from? Just like watching your mom, just like be such, like a strong force in your life, and like going through what she's gone through? Like, how has that affected you?
I think my therapist has actually been bothering me about this lately. He's like, I think your mom has a huge influence on, like, why you do, what you do and why you are the way you are. And I'm kind of starting to agree with him. Because at first I was like, No, but then I was like, Okay, maybe my mother does have some effect on how I am.
She's kind of a big role in my life.
I think so. MADELINE Yeah, I'm interested also to know, like, aside from family like friendships, your whole life, like, how have you have you had a lot of friends?
What have your friendships been like?
No, I had, like, I've always been one of those girls that has like close friendships, but not like many, many friendships. So growing up I had like my one best friend. And then when I so, I left my primary school when I was seven, because I was a bit of a mess.
I was having panic attacks, I was getting bullied. So my mom pulled me out of that school and put me into a different school, which was a very different school. Like it was, I don't know if anyone's going to know what this is.
It was Montessori, which is like, it's like a theory of the way you raise a kid and you don't start teaching them anything until they're losing teeth. There's something like, but I've been in a normal school.
So I was like, why are all these kids fucking stupid? and why am I coloring in like? This is ridiculous? So I just was like a hater here and I was not a very nice student.
Got kicked out.
Why?
Because I was acting out, I kind of orchestrated a few riots.
Classic in the Montessori school, Madeline's like I was concocting the biggest plan to get the fuck out of that shit hole.
I really was. They gave me a scar that I have down my cheek. I don't know if you can see it. Wait, what, right?
Because, like, we were in the woods, it was like, you know, those wilderness therapy videos that you see on TikTok, it's like people with horror stories. Yeah, we weren't far off.
Like, they would put us to work on the farm. We built the school from the ground up, by the way. There was no physical school when I enrolled there, we built it. Wait.
In the winter.
Wait, what?
You enrolled, I feel like I've not given enough context, I've just thrown that at you.
This is so genius. You enrolled in a school that didn't exist, and on the first day of school they're like, Build it, bitch. Yeah, what is that an actual thing?
So you were out there building.
It was so weird, and I remember they would make us like, chop down trees. And I put an axe into my knee, and the sound will never leave my brain, like the sound that it made. I was like, why have you given a six-year-old an axe and just been go?
You holding an axe.
At six.
Like, I'm not big now, I wasn't big at six, like wielding.
This sounds literally like a movie. I'm like, picturing you like in the wilderness, like chopping down a tree.
The worst part is I got my ass kicked out before they finished construction. I never even got to reap like the fruits of my labor, I never got to sit in the school.
So you were just constantly creating like big bombs in moments to just like rattle the teacher so you could get the fuck out.
Yeah, one time I've said this before, I got everyone to take their pants off, except no, maybe I took mine off too, but like everything off. Like, we were all in the woods. And I was like, right, one, two, three put them down. And then the teacher, like, came around the corner. And they like, pulled me away, like by the skin of my neck, because they, like, knew it was me. I was probably like, in the middle of the circle, like, yes.
Madeline with her full VF in the middle of the woods. What was going through your head to, like, make that decision, like, what was going on?
Well, I'm pretty sure that this boy came up to me and he said, like, I'll show you if you show me. And I was like, Hey, but wait, like, I see your vision, like, let's make it ten times bigger, like production value. I was like, Hey, get everyone, and like, everyone was the same age.
So a boy wanted to see your vagina and you were like, I love that, Timmy. But let's ramp it up five thousand notches. Let's get every girl and guy to just whip it out so we can really size each other up freestyle. And the teacher's like, Madeline, that's genius, thank you.
And from what I'm hearing is like, you were too smart to be at some of these schools. But because of you being so shy and like, in certain moments in your other schools. They were like, put her in this other school, so you were like, I'm fucking bored.
Well, no, like. I don't think it was because I was shy. I think it was because I was like getting bullied. My teacher was really crap, literally nothing. Oh my God.
This girl had no reason to come for me. I didn't really have any friends that year because my previous best friend had, like, kind of found another girl to hang out with. And I, like, didn't get on with the other girl. And I was like, a little bit alone, I wasn't understanding my classes, I was like, really shy.
And this girl would just like, pick at me and pick at me and pick at me. And the worst part is is I told my mom about it because I'd seen those posters around. Like, getting bullied. Tell an adult, and I was like, OK, I have to tell an adult, and I remember, like, going home.
I was so scared, I felt like I was telling her I was pregnant. I was like, Mommy, I'm getting bullied, and she was like, And so she finds out by who.
And it's like, not a surprise, because this girl is like, not nice, whatever like, she doesn't have a good reputation and whatever. She pulls me out of the school because they don't do anything to help.
I'm not having a good time. We go to the different school, years go by and it's like college and this girl is there and we have some mutual friends.
And we're talking, talking, talking. And it comes out that I bullied her and I was like, what definition of character is this? because I never, first of all, I didn't speak words.
How am I going to bully you?
Literally like, I'm mute bitch, so try again.
And I was like, Oh my God, like, if any of these people had gone to my primary school, they would immediately be like, absolutely the fuck not. Did she bully anybody, let alone you, like you were a scary kid in primary?
Like, this was like the shortest, tiniest, most pathetic looking kid. Like she wasn't bullying anyone, she did not have the stature for it, and she, like, accused me.
She was like, No, you bullied me, and I was like, I low key actually believe that you bullied that because.
I agree, right. The delusion.
The delusion, if you get told a narrative, especially from your parents from a young age, that, like someone, it wasn't your fault, someone was mean to you. Like, I'm sure she actually thinks that.
I agree, keeps me up at night.
But I love it because you actually have the street cred to be like, I didn't even talk, right? So how the fuck could I bully you little shit?
Wow.
MADELINE This is good story time.
Thanks.
As an adult, though, it is really fucking hard to make friends. I feel like, in moments, how do you make friends like, What's your strategy?
I don't have a strategy, I think. Have sex with them if you have to, Madeline.
I would need to know how many of your friends have you had sex with? Be honest right now? Don't lie to my face.
No, ok, listen.
Too many or two?
No, too many. Listen, listen. So the thing about liking girls is you'll go on dates and you'll hit it off.
Yeah.
You're like, I don't really want to have sex with you, suddenly you have a new friend. The amount of my friends like I would go on a date, maybe sleep with them. And then we both be like, Yeah, we didn't like that, but I like you, but like, I don't want to sleep with you again. But that was fun and then friendship.
And that's some of the funniest friendships.
After we were just getting on.
Like, I wouldn't do it with a guy because I feel like it's a different vibe, but with girls like.
You can just be friends, that's kind of nice.
I love it like, it's a really that if you're like a queer woman, that's how you make friends in your 20s.
Go down on them and then be like, OK, we didn't love it, but like, let's hang out, right, let's be friends.
Yeah.
Easy, great advice from Madeline just hook up with your friend, basically that you find go on a date.
Have sex and then be like, let's just be friends.
Yeah.
The wise words of Madeline Archie.
Thank you.
Thank you, cheers, cheers.
How's yours yummy?
OK, let's do a little role playing.
Sexy.
So sexy, OK, you're stuck in a corner with someone that you don't know at a party, OK, and you have to make conversation.
There's absolutely no avoiding it. What are you going to talk about with them, Madeline?
Alex I have no fear to sit there in silence and make someone uncomfortable. I'm not scared of that.
I kind of love that.
I do, I don't. I mean, if I for some reason, I'm in one of those moods where I want to talk, I don't know.
I'm not afraid to, like, non-consensually, talk about my day.
I think I'm going to take that motto with you because I have the opposite problem where, like, I can't help. But try to make everyone feel like everything is so, like no one is feeling awkward, like I'm going to make everyone feel super confident, comfortable, let's just talk. So if there's an awkward moment, I'm always going to try to like jump in and like, talk. And just like ice break. And next time I'm going to just like, shut my fucking mouth.
See what happens.
Yeah, I bet I'll be a lot happier. Yeah, I'll be way less exhausted.
But you're so good at, like, putting people at ease and just like, getting a conversation going.
I appreciate that I would hope. Sometimes I like, don't know if it's working.
So I'm just like, you kind of have to be good at it.
Exactly like I got to talk to people for a living, like, I hope I make you feel comfortable and you're not uncomfortable, right?
Yeah, I'm miserable.
I figured this is like, pretty awful, right? It's terrible, like we're not having a good time.
We're not having a good time at all.
Next role play? Yeah, it's getting steamy. There is a guy over there at the bar, let's pretend.
Okay, I'm super into him. I'm too nervous to go over. I need you to be my wing woman, you're going to get my foot in the door.
You're going to go over there, What are you going to say?
Have you spoken to him yet?
No, just been I fucking him over here like a weirdo Madeline? Go get me in, say something for me.
Oh my God, I don't know, never, I've known, ever asked me to do that.
I'm asking you, right now, life is on the line, throw my engagement ring away. I need that man over there, what?
Okay, I have some cash, what?
Maybe pay him off, please. She's just thrown her engagement ring out the window. I don't want to do that, she won't leave.
Please go talk to my desperate fucking friend. The fact that the first thing that comes to your mind is I'm going to pay this man off for you. ALEx. Honestly, that's kind of like, in a comedic way, not a bad idea to be like yo.
My friend really wants to talk to you, I'll give you 20 bucks to go talk to her.
Yeah.
Oh wow, good to know. If you're friends with Madeline, she's fully going to whore you out and just pay your way to whatever you want. Thank you, Daddy Warbucks.
Wow, it's like that hungover food I needed.
Oh, fuck, I spilled on my shot, you did.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
It's okay, I know a place that we can go. okay, perfect, it's still over. This is my favorite New York City laundromat.
Christ Okay.
Can you do it? Can you do it?
Great.
Wait, why did you change your shot?
Well.
I don't know, I just love New York.
Do you think your shirt's almost done?
I don't know, probably not.
Okay.
You know, one time I got my nipple pierced at this really sketchy place and, like, it literally doubled in size and started like oozing goo.
So then what happened?
Well, it still looks really bad.
Wait, which one is it? Oh my God.
Yeah.
What did it look like? Is that too disgusting to ask?
No, I will divulge. So it had two holes either side where the bar had gone in, and it was oozing out of those. And then all of your, like breast milk holes.
So what ended up happening?
Why are you laughing? It's so sensitive.
What the hell?
Wait.
I'm opening up, I'm just kidding, fuck you.
No, wait, why didn't you go to the hospital?
I couldn't be bothered.
You couldn't be bothered going to the hospital, so now is your nipple just fucked?
Yes, it is, but it's like it's still a different shape to the other one, but I think it's mostly gone down to its original size.
I feel like when I was growing up, my mom would tell me. Like, it builds character to have something like that happen to you and like, maybe they look different, but that's good, you're unique, is that how you look at it?
No, because do you know what? And I agree with your mother, but I was born as God's favorite, and I had perfectly symmetrical, even tits.
Oh.
Great nipples, even just like who has that who has like perfectly symmetrical tits.
No one, except for Madeline Archie, apparently.
No one except for me.
Like overall experience of getting gangrene on your nipple, like, what would you rate it? One out of ten for, like, hard, difficult time in your life?
Like a six.
Why are you laughing again? I just told you it was like a six hardest time in my life.
I really will say like, thank you for opening up and telling me about your experience with your nipple. I feel like we got closer.
Yeah, I'm going to go see if my shirt's still on, Okay, yeah.
Why is your shirt so big? Shut up.
Why is yours so small, you little slut?
You bought it for me.
Oh, fuck.
Guten Tag Good morning Daddy gang. It is the morning I am on my way right now to pick up Madeline at her hotel. You know, Madeline and I, I love hanging out with her because we have pretty similar energy.
I can be insane, she can be insane. And then we also want to like, chill. So it's going to be a fun day to podcast and we are about to pull up right now.
Hello.
Hi.
Get in here.
Is this our third date?
I wonder what base we'll hit, like, in talking terms, I mean.
You know, I've never known what the bases are. You don't. Because, like, I don't think people really say it in England. So when people are like, Oh, second base, third base, I'm like, take a guess.
Go ahead, first base is what.
First base, I would say, that's like boobies.
Oh my god, you slut.
So so aggressive isn't it? No, I think. no, I think, I think it's like making out, oh.
I think, wait, I thought it was like a boob touch. No, I'm just kidding. Maybe the UK is like, more feisty.
I love it. Okay, so first base for you is feel your tits. for me it's make out what's second base then.
What the fuck is third base in the UK then?
I don't know, third base in the UK, it's probably like head.
Head.
I just assume, I guess third base that's like sex, right?
What's home run?
Is there fourth base, fifth base, I don't know.
It's like, first base in the U.S. is like make out, second base is like feel the tits like maybe a hand job.
It's very much like the dry stuff. I went for a tit feel before I kissed them.
You went for a tit feel before you kissed them.
I would think it's less intense, maybe it's really not.
Just a little gray.
Okay, I'm thinking of it in the context of, like, middle school and you like.
Is there anything to grab like? For me, I was like a carpenter's dream, you know what I mean like?
There was something to go like, you couldn't do anything, so I was like, here's my mouth, because there's nothing to feel like.
I had no boobs in middle school. Did you have boobs in middle school? I still don't have any tits. You still don't have any tits.
It's so sad, but you know what's gross? I actually had my first serious relationship and I actually remember they, like, wanted to have sex, and I was like, I don't have tits yet.
Like, they were still, like in the early stages of coming in, and I was like, Oh my God, what the fuck am I going to do? And so I waited eight months in the relationship so we could have sex, and I was like, finally, I have tits like they grew in those eight months.
They grew that fast.
Well, it's not exactly like fast and furious, you know what I mean?
Like a little bump came, like a little speed bump came, like you got a little mosquito bite.
It was like the formation, I was like, cool, I'm ready.
You waited eight months and finally a little tit appeared and you were like, Okay, now you can fuck me.
That's so gross when you put it like that. Thank you.
No, no, no, I appreciate the honesty. Okay, that's really amazing. And just to confirm for my own suspicions, third base, I think in the U.S or just in my life, was then like a finger and a blowjob.
And then full was fuck.
Okay, so fourth base is.
Fourth base is home run sex, you know, we're playing baseball, okay, so first base.
Second base, third base, home run. Woo. Do you know anything about baseball?
Intimate question But with having like, the germs and everything, how does that translate to like? If you're going to hook up with someone, do they need to, like, shower before you hook up?
Okay, like, I just won't.
Because I don't know where that's been, I don't know if your hands have fucking gone in it. Like, boys are gross, right? They don't wash their hands.
They shove their hands down their pants, but like, Okay, so my thing is puke. Like, that's the germ. I'm scared of any germs that will cause that, but like, give me the flu.
Give me a cold like I'm fine.
You just don't want to puke.
I don't want to puke and you can't catch that unless someone's just puked.
Oh, I was thinking you were saying, because, like, obviously, if I'm going to suck dick, I'm going to puke on his dick.
No, well, also, yeah.
I'm like, she's a deep throater, guys.
Like, she goes ham when she's going down there, I definitely don't.
So you don't even like you're not even going down there ever.
No, because there's germs. No, like, maybe with a partner.
We are currently at Washington Square Park, but there is apparently a band out there, so this may not be the best for podcasting. But I'm also like, maybe it's a cute band. Like, maybe there's a rock star over there that like, although, I'll be honest, I don't know if you want to like, date a rock star in Washington Square Park, but like, maybe.
I think I'm done with musicians. Alex Okay?
Here we go.
Here we go, let's go find a poet.
Oh my god.
I'm kind of hungry.
I want a hot dog.
And I know you probably don't want a hot dog. Well, I know you don't want a hot dog.
I don't want a hot dog.
Would you ever eat street food? No.
I wish it smells so good.
I'm going to go get some. Do you want to come?
No, okay.
Okay, I'm going to get a hot dog, I'll be right back.
You guys know, there was this one time when I, like, had an entire crisis to the point that I shaved my head. I like, woke up and I said to my friend, who may have been a fake friend for letting me do this, that she was a little bit too excited. You know what I mean, like rubbing her hands together, kind of thing, like she put the razor in my hand.
I like hacked off all of my hair because I wanted to see what I would look like with a bob and a fringe. And then I just shaved it. And I was in a relationship at the time. I like, called my ex to show them. I was like, so excited.
I thought they were going to love it and then they just burst into tears on the phone. That was really embarrassing. And like, I had this fixation, I really wanted to shove my like, go to the ocean.
I wanted to put my head in the sand and then, like, wet it and put it in the sand. I don't know why I like fixated on it so heavy. Then my girlfriend broke up with me because I was bald. And then I was like, way too depressed to go to the ocean. And then I just let it grow back.
And it stuck directly upwards on the top of my head for like, I don't know. Six months, and then I like, od'd on Biotin for the next six months, and then it will grow back.
She is literally the easiest interview I've ever done. Look at her. She's just like talking to herself. Over there. I'm like, I'm going to go get a hot dog. She's like, clearly telling a story or something over there.
I love it.
Can I have a hot dog?
Thank you so much, you can keep the change, thank you.
Anyways, I know it's like a cliche. People shave their heads after a breakup, and I am going through one, but I don't think I'm going to do that again. Would you ever shave your head?
What?
You think I'd look good with a shaved head?
Hi.
That stinks.
It's good. Have you had enough, New York?
Yeah.
Have you had enough of me?
No.
Okay, good, do you want to go back to the hotel?
Okay.
Let's go.
So how has your trip been so far?
It's been pretty good. My flight got cancelled, but I'm honestly very happy to have a few extra days to cuddle with you.
I know I'm really happy that we're getting to have some like girl time.
Me too.
We had to pour ourselves wine because we can't do this. Sober cheers.
Okay, so you recently just went through a breakup?
Yes.
The internet just basically found out this week. And to give context to the daddy gang, maybe you guys are familiar, maybe you're not. Madeline was dating someone that is also in the public eye is a very famous rapper from the UK. And your relationship kind of just like blew up online, you guys were seen together.
You guys made some TikToks together, you were out together at parties and everyone was obsessed with you guys. And then this week, something kind of came out. Where he was at a concert, essentially, and someone that was on stage with him was like, My boy is single.
And everyone's like, Wait, what the fuck is happening? So to confirm you guys are broken up? yes, how long have you guys been broken up for?
A couple months.
Okay.
Can I ask, like, who ended the relationship?
I made the final call.
You made the final call. It's crazy because we were talking about this earlier, which I think we should talk about. Because mostly women listen to this show. And I'm like, Fuck everyone like this is so annoying.
Let's talk about like the perception online, because you saying you ended it is not what people think online.
I know, but it's not even like anyone's given any thought to it, it's just like their immediate response is like, I got dumped, or like, it's like the girl, because the guy has all these like girls after him and crazy followers and crazy money. And it's like, it's, for some reason, what we would expect like, culturally, in a weird way.
And I hate that.
You're so right. It always is like the guy ended it like. I've literally seen comments of being like he must have dumped her, like she must be so depressed.
And it's like, you actually ended it, but it's annoying that it has to take you coming on and saying that for then people to believe it.
It's really dumb. Yeah, it's really dumb.
I think a lot of times, obviously, it's really difficult to end a relationship. Some people know for years, some people know like over a weekend, and it hits them how long? First of all, can I ask, Were you guys actually dating?
So we met nearly two years ago and have been obviously in some kind of entanglement ever since.
You were basically talking and together for two years, yeah, and you ended it two months ago.
Yes.
How long did you know that you wanted to end it?
Quite a while, I think it was a lot of back and forth and like it, kind of like, in a fun, toxic way. Almost when you're like, Oh God, like this needs to end, but fuck it like, let's go on one more trip together.
Or, like, let's have one more night. But I think it was kind of hard because, like, we both just were like a little bit obsessed with each other.
And every time it was like, Okay, like, logically, this needs to end. We're not happy, it's not fulfilling us, like there's a lot of issues that we cannot resolve.
Like this has gone on too long, or like, there's a resentment here and it's not going to go away.
Like, we'd just we'd have that conversation, be like, Yeah, this is fucking terrible anyway, like.
That is too fucking relatable, though, of like, knowing something's toxic and smiling in the face of toxicity and being like.
Yeah.
Where are we going next week for that concert, or where are we flying to? It's like you can't give it up. Sometimes, even as toxic as it is, maybe to some people on the outside, when you're in it, it almost becomes like an addiction.
Oh my god, the word addiction. I've been throwing it around lately because, like, I even was speaking to my friend. And I don't know if I can say this, but obviously, it's New York Fashion Week. And he was here, yeah, and I had no intention to see him.
But I got the text and I was like, Oh, that's so relatable. I was getting pizza with my friends and we'd just come out of this party. And I was like, Oh, my god. And my friend was like, Don't you fucking dare?
Like, you don't need to do this. And I was like, No, I'm absolutely not going to. And I went to bed and I expected to wake up the next morning being like, Thank fucking God, I held my own in that situation and I woke up like, No, I really should have fucked him.
And I was like, Oh my God, and I texted my friend. I was like, I actually think I'm addicted to chaos, like, I think I wish I woke up this morning, like, Oh my God, crazy.
Like, went to his hotel, left at 5am, got back here, feel like shit and I was like, how can I possibly want that?
Like, it's an actual addiction.
It is because don't you feel like you like, when you're going through kind of that like toxic ending, you become so like. It becomes so normalized that then when you're in your quiet moments without the toxic, you're literally like, wait, like, where is it like?
Where is he? Like, why don't I feel that rush? why don't I feel like insecure or nervous, or like obsessed? Like there's so many weird emotions that you go through that when it's gone.
You're literally like, is life boring? Like, why am I stable? You kind of mentioned like your friends, like during this relationship, obviously, as things kind of start to fall apart.
I think we can all relate to maybe holding things back from our friends or being brutally honest with them. It depends, like, where were you at on that spectrum of, like, telling your friends the actual truth of what was going on?
Fully lying. But I actually made a new friend recently. I've been talking about this to everyone. I told you about her and she was someone that I really wanted to like.
Like, she kind of commands you to be a good person. She's one of those people that it's like, I'm gonna actually feel fucking stupid if I say something dumb in front of you. Because, like, you clearly respect yourself and I like you. And we were talking and I told her something.
And from that point, I was like, Okay, I have no choice, like this relationship has to end now.
Why? because? what was her reaction?
It was just it was like, humbling a little bit. And also when you finally say it, it's kind of a reflection that you're already ready to get out of it because you're saying it.
That's a good point. It's almost like until you're ready to vocalize it, even to one person. Like, for so long, you can go in the delusion of being like, it's fine, it's fine, like.
It's not that toxic, like it's gonna be fine. But the minute that you say it to someone, that's like, not in it. And you know the minute you say it out loud, how crazy it sounds. Because their face is literally like, What the fuck, bitch?
Can you explain to me, like from your just perspective, like, how did this relationship affect you?
I really didn't like who I became towards the end, especially one thing that always got to me was. He always said I was rude and I really pride myself on not being fucking rude to like anybody. And I understand that I'm a little bit shy and sometimes I can come off like, I'm not interested. But I'm actually just like, I don't know what to say and so I don't say anything.
But then I was like, No, you're right. Like, whenever I'm in a room with your friends or your family or your co-workers, I don't say anything. And I become this really closed off, small version of myself and feel like everything I say is stupid, or like everything I say is wrong somehow. And it's actually been weird coming to Fashion Week because, like, I still have that kind of voice in my head of, like, everything I'm saying is so stupid.
Or, like, I don't know what I'm doing. And then I sat next to this girl at one of the shows and we, like, chatted before the show started, and we chatted when the show ended. And I thought we had a nice, normal interaction. I was like, Yeah.
Like, that was a standard good social interaction, like, I thought we were really friendly. But then I was like, Oh, but I probably said a hundred things wrong that I didn't even realize that I said wrong. And like, I'm sure people would have things to say about it.
Like, if I'd have been in a room with certain people, I'm sure there'd be comments. And then she DM'd me on Instagram. She's like, Do you want to have girl dinner this week? And I was like, No, I knew I was fucking normal.
I knew it. Your confidence is down.
Yeah, but I think this fashion week's really brought it back because I've met so many new people and, like, made actual new friends.
I think, though, this is like a good conversation to have, Madeline, because so many women listen to this podcast. And like, you just saying. That is a small example of, like, I get it. When you're seeing that 2 a.m text and you're like, Fuck, should I go back to the toxic?
But then it's also like you saying you felt small, you felt not confident. You were doubting yourself, you weren't being yourself. And then the minute you were away from it, and yes, you were still doubting yourself.
But then now you're finding yourself like getting your groove back and like having more confidence. Like, it really is crazy, and it's not even to say that the partner you're with is a bad person. Maybe they are, maybe they're a fucking asshole.
Maybe they're a psycho, but when you're with the wrong person, you can just become such a shell of yourself. That, like, if you go too long like that, you can actually lose yourself and you can lose your way. Like, I went through that with someone that I was in a relationship with and it was so unhealthy. And I remember, like, fighting so hard for it. And I think when I look back, half of the reason I was fighting so hard, aside from being obsessed with the toxicity, was actually. I didn't even know who I was going to be the minute that I left that person.
Because I didn't even know who I was anymore without him and that toxicity, and it's terrifying.
Were you nervous to actually end it? Like, can you talk about ending it? And how you even got the strength to do that? Because that is a motherfucker.
I think it was finally speaking about it with other people and getting another perspective. And also with him. Like it wasn't, like he was super happy and like, being like, No, like, we can fix it, it can be better. Like we were both, like, wet, drained. And then I think I've not seen him in a while, but the last time I saw him was actually Olivia Rodrigo's like dinner party.
Yeah, that was the last time I ever saw him. Wow, yeah, and there was definitely some sensed tensions at that, but we'd gone to the dinner together.
And I think I could kind of see people's reactions at the dinner table, like, Ooh, something's going on. I'm pretty sure. Rodrigo herself checked in and she's like, what the fuck is going on?
Oh wow, so Olivia knew.
She seems like an intuitive person. That things weren't good. And then, yeah, we just like, got in a taxi and like, had an argument, and then I like, went home and he went back to his. And usually if we'd had a fight, like, we would bicker for an hour and we'd argue for an hour and then we'd go to bed together. But it got to the point where we would have, like, half an argument and then be like, Fuck you.
Fuck this and walk the other direction. Because we literally didn't care, like we were like, there's no point, there's like, no resolution anymore.
I also feel like, you know, when you're kind of at rock bottom, when, like, when you're fighting in public with people. Like, even at some types of event like that, where, like, people are like, looking at you guys and like, observing, and like, it's just like, you can't even stop yourself.
It's usually like.
That's when you know it's.
Like, please some dignity girl like, what the fuck?
And that's when you know, wow.
Also, like, he is in such an exciting part of his life and I'm so happy for him. Like this is a huge, like everything he's doing is huge, everything is exciting. And I was like, Why are you coming home and beefing me over? Text? Every night? You should be enjoying yourself.
I should be enjoying myself.
I was about to say, you're also at a really exciting time in your life, too.
Me too, and like, I was like, why are we forcing each other to be in this situation? Like, I don't want this toxic, horrible, what it became horrible like situation to like, be always in the back of your mind.
Like, you should just be enjoying life like life is short.
Yeah.
And it was the same for me. I was like, why am I having these great experiences in these amazing days? And then going home and like laying in bed, like unable to move. Because we've had such a bad argument that day over nothing.
It's also like, if you have the right person in your life in that moment, like it should be easy, it should be fun. Of course, relationships are hard, but like going home and laying in bed with a pit in your stomach, like it just shouldn't happen. It can happen once, a couple times a year where you're like, Oh God, we just had a big, like breakthrough moment or a fight. But it's like, if this is a constant narrative in your head, like, we have to remind ourselves, this isn't normal.
Like I said, I've gone through it and then I'm now in a relationship where I'm like, whoa? Like, I remember when I met Matt, I was like, is this normal? To like, feel this good about myself and feel confident? And to feel like I can have a career and a relationship because I have a partner that supports me. Like it takes getting out of something to realize, like the things you actually never need again, and maybe also you want again. But you shouldn't be sitting in bed with like, sick to your stomach. So were you nervous to like with that final conversation?
Like, was it like a screaming argument, like, were you okay going into it? Like, I just feel like so many girls message me being like, How the fuck do I end this thing?
What do I do like? What's your advice?
For me, I knew we'd had conversations before where we were both like, Look, this isn't good. We're not healthy, we never get to see each other, so we can't even resolve things.
Like, it's hard over the phone, different time zones, like, what the fuck are we doing? But then obviously we'd go back and be like, we're back, we're still hot, unfortunately.
Still look good on your Instagram, so I'm sliding in.
But I think because I'd done that so many times, I knew, like, Okay, look, if we sit and talk about this for five hours, I'm going to end up back in your bed. And like it needed to be, like ripping the band-aid off, like, very matter of fact, like it's over, it's done. The thing that I feel like no one actually believes is that it wasn't PR.
Like, if it was PR, I probably would have posted it more than three fucking times, like we kept it secret for quite a while.
What did you learn from that relationship that you definitely will do differently moving forward?
I think just like I definitely need to get better at letting my friends in and like, keeping them informed on like, what's going on. So they can kind of, like, tell me like, Hey, that's not fucking okay, or like, that's not normal. And it's something me and all of my friends collectively need to work on because we're all guilty of it.
Of, like, hiding little things because you make excuses and you're like, Well, I know why they did that, and I know that they have this issue. And like, I know they're a good person, but my best friend's not going to have that same love and empathy for them.
And so you hide shit, but like, No, no, not again. Although I said this after my last relationship, too, I didn't do it so.
You're like, Okay, this next relationship? I'm actually going to tell my friends like, I'm saying it here to hold myself fucking accountable.
Sorry, Millie, it's a work in progress.
No, but I get it, I would say that too, and I know it sounds like simple because so many people say it. But like, if you are lying to people in your life about your relationship, that is the first red flag that it is not a healthy relationship.
Because why are you lying? because you have a biased view? tell someone unbiased, listen to their opinion of that. They're going to be like, bitch.
Get the fuck out of there. Did you tell your therapist that you were going to end it?
No, I told him that we broke up six months ago, Madeline.
You told your therapist six months, you were like, six months ago it's over. So what have you been talking about for six months with your therapist?
My fucking fear of germs.
Your fear of germs?
Shut the fuck up.
Wait, six months ago.
Like, probably more than that. Yeah, why I don't like he's?
I don't know, because like, he's just kind of like. He thought first of all, he called him Central Z, couldn't get it right, and he thought like, Central Z and his government name like Oakley.
He thought they were two separate people and I was like, bitch.
He thought you were dating two people.
No, he thought they were two separate people. So I would like talk about him and he'd be like, So why are we talking about a rapper? And I was like, For fuck's sake.
Is he old?
He's pretty old.
So he's having a hard time like keeping up with, like the young Gen Z, does he have a TikTok?
Not really, he had to, kind of, like, he's asked a couple times. He's like, So where can I find you if I want to go online? and I'm like, No, don't worry about that.
Don't worry about it because I, like, fully will make a TikTok. Like, I lied to my therapist today, I'm going to do it tomorrow, like, here's lie one, lie two.
Lie three.
So you need to like, update your therapist, maybe.
Maybe no, I'm not going to.
We need to get you a different therapist.
I agree, okay.
The moral of the story is blame everything on your therapist. The reason Madeline's been going.
No, but I love him, he's so smart.
Well, you can, like, get coffee with him and like, stay in touch and be friends. Like, we need something that you're actually going to be like. They're like, with it enough, and not like, covered in dust and on the way out.
What if he watches this?
He's not going to watch this.
Does he go on social media covered in dust? No, he refers to it as the metaverse. he literally calls social media the metaverse.
Like, babe, it's time to upgrade your therapist. We love him, get coffee with him, he's like my car.
Oh my god.
He's literally your car, you guys, Madeline has the oldest car known to, man, I remember when you were driving into the city, Madeline was telling me. She was like, I need to be in London at 4 o'clock this afternoon, and I was like, Okay, cool, and she's like, So I'm leaving at 9 a..m.
And I was like, how far is your house from London? She's like, one hour, I'm like, so you're giving yourself like, how many hours to get there? She's like, just so that I can give myself my car brakes to break down on the highway so that I can get to London. I'm like, Madeline.
Let's talk about your sexuality, as we said, he was the first penis that you ever dated. Yeah, your whole life up until now. How old are you?
23.
23 up until 23, you have basically dated women. Yeah, take me back.
How and when did you first know that you were attracted to women?
I was actually pretty stupid, so I only figured it out when I was like 15..
Okay.
Well, I mean, I think I actually knew really early on, but I was like, Oh, suppress that.
Well, first of all, you're not stupid and anyone listening you're not stupid, like I get, that's probably how you felt, but it's not stupid. Because I also feel like obviously society makes you feel like, don't have those feelings, like, don't feel that way.
So it's actually not your fault for feeling like scared to accept those feelings.
No, definitely, and I think I actually knew from like a very young age. Like, I remember looking at, like lingerie adverts and whatever, like pictures of maybe naked women that my mom had around the house. And like, I remember liking the way it looked and being like, I don't know what this is like.
I've never seen this before, like, I don't think you're meant to feel this way. I think that's for boys and so I would like suppress it. And I didn't really know what gay was like.
I remember the first time I ever saw a lesbian couple and I was in Brighton, which is like a very, very like LGBT area of the UK. And so there were these women and they were like making out by the beach. And in my tiny little head, I must have been like seven or eight. The first thing I thought was mother and daughter. Because that's all I knew was like, I would kiss my mom on the lips when I'd like say bye to her. So I just thought they were like, taking it to the next level.
And I was walking with my best friend and her mom, and I went, ugh. As a seven-year-old, I was like, Why is she making out with her mom like, that's crazy? And my friend's mom whipped around at me so fast and was like, Why did you say that?
Like, why would you do that? And she had to explain to me that that's what that is. And I was like, Oh, interesting that you say that's an option. Interesting. I remember it so clearly because from that day on I was like, okay.
Like, it doesn't have to just be with my mom. Very good to know. Yeah, yeah.
Not in a creepy way, but like, you can kiss another woman and then not just be your mom.
Yeah, thank God.
And it is acceptable, it's more acceptable than like, making out with your mom. It's better to make out with a different woman.
Preferably, I mean, that's a bit clarifying.
Did it complicate your understanding of your sexuality when you realized you weren't just attracted to women, you were also attracted to men?
A little bit, I mean, obviously. There was a time in my life where I felt like the label lesbian was the best fit for me. But I never liked labels generally because I was like, but how can I like, commit to, like? I'm definitely never going to find a man I click with, and I'm definitely this and definitely that.
But at the same time, I was like, I resent the fuck out of it. When other people are like, Oh, but you might meet a guy and there's just one guy out there for you. And I'm like, shut the fuck up. But then to myself, secretly, I'm like, Okay, but also that's like, I might, you know what I mean? And I think usually I wouldn't care. But like, having a social media platform like, I don't want to be like, Oh, I'm this. And then the one in a million happens and something else is actually the case. And then I feel like I've misrepresented a community and people are going to be upset about it.
And I would always question myself, like, if there was a guy and I would find him cute? And like, I say, I'm identifying as like a lesbian, and then I find a guy cute? I'd be like, Okay, so what's the percentage, like, 2 straight, 5 straight or 5 bisexual? whatever? 5 into guys and 95 into girls? And like, I spend so much time thinking about it, like trying to put myself in the correct box, and it was so draining, like it was the most exhausting thing. Because, like I said, like girlies, like straight girlies, will go to the club and like, kiss their girlfriends and they don't have to answer to anyone for it.
That's like a normal thing and you're not 5 into girls just because you do that. And so I was like, why am I tormenting myself with this? Like round and round and round bullshit of like, what am I? Like? Shut up, just have fun, bitch, like, it's not. You don't need to worry about it.
Yeah, it's like, so crazy to even just hearing you say that. I empathize a lot with you because I feel like I've had enough conversations with people on my show where, like, it's. The only reason you internally feel that way is because the outward perception of you is people staring at you, being like, what are you, what are you, what do you identify as? And it must be like, kind of freeing at some point, and I hope everyone gets that point in their life where it can be like.
It doesn't matter, I can wake up today and be attracted to this, I can wake up tomorrow and be attracted to this, and that's fucking fine, it doesn't fucking matter.
For me, it felt like everyone that had been like homophobic towards me and been like, oh, you know, one day you're gonna find a dick that you like, and you're gonna wake up beside a guy. And like, you don't really know yourself and you don't really know what you're feeling like. That kind of thing I was like, I don't want to ever hand it to them, like, I don't now. I don't want to ever find a guy that I want to fucking date because, like, fuck you.
Did you experience that a lot?
A lot of it, yeah, and like, I was very aware of. Like the idea of, like, one day you're gonna get a dick that's gonna like, change your mind, you know what I mean?
Yeah, and you're like, fuck you. I like, resent that fact. So now I'm gonna like, make sure I never date a guy. But it's like, you can't go off of just spite. But I get that would be so annoying. But that, how did that make you feel people like? Basically like questioning like, your sexuality and actually chalking it up to the fact that you just don't know yourself?
Well, I think that's the main reason I felt so much need to, like, figure out my percents and put myself in that box and be really, really involved mentally with what I was. Because I was like, when I claim to be something, I have to be correct because I don't want to prove these idiots, right? Yeah, and like, I got to a point where I just grew up and I didn't care about them. Because why the fuck does it matter what they think it really doesn't? And like, as long as you're being genuine to yourself at every separate point in time. Like when I believed I only liked women, that was because I'd only ever fucking liked women. And I'd connected with them and I'd had good sex with them. And then, oh, look, I meet a guy and we're such compatible people and I find him really funny and he's really cute.
v1.0.0.260408-1-a910ba6_os